1
00:00:03,802 --> 00:00:06,224
I really made my bones with
that last collar, babe.

2
00:00:06,538 --> 00:00:07,642
Today's the day.

3
00:00:07,676 --> 00:00:09,708
You woke up with
a guard this morning.

4
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:13,959
But tonight, you're going
to bed with a detective.

5
00:00:13,993 --> 00:00:18,541
Shh... Okay, you get
some rest, 'kay?

6
00:00:18,576 --> 00:00:21,109
Probably need it.

7
00:00:30,642 --> 00:00:32,474
Here's Ben dressed
like a dragon.

8
00:00:32,492 --> 00:00:33,992
Aww.

9
00:00:34,026 --> 00:00:36,775
Here's me and Abed dressed
as Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy.

10
00:00:36,809 --> 00:00:38,175
Aww.

11
00:00:38,210 --> 00:00:39,474
Who's Nick Nolte?

12
00:00:39,492 --> 00:00:41,276
Aww.

13
00:00:41,310 --> 00:00:43,309
Hey, Abed, can I borrow some
change for the water fountain?

14
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:44,525
Yeah. Here you go.

15
00:00:44,576 --> 00:00:48,276
- Thank you.
- Wait. Change?

16
00:00:48,310 --> 00:00:50,142
- Hey, Dean.
- Hmm?

17
00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:51,326
What are you doing?

18
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:52,658
Nothing after lunch.

19
00:00:52,693 --> 00:00:56,142
And I can skip lunch
if you want— Oh. That.

20
00:00:56,176 --> 00:00:58,858
Keeps tuition down
and it saves on water, too.

21
00:00:58,909 --> 00:01:00,342
That's because nobody's
gonna pay to drink water.

22
00:01:00,377 --> 00:01:02,109
Actually it's a two
drink-minimum.

23
00:01:02,143 --> 00:01:03,992
It'll be reflected
in your tuition.

24
00:01:04,026 --> 00:01:06,025
Hey, Dean.
Thanks for the new digs.

25
00:01:06,076 --> 00:01:08,808
Ah, eh, remember
what we talked about?

26
00:01:08,826 --> 00:01:11,658
We have to keep this whole
living situation kind of quiet.

27
00:01:11,693 --> 00:01:13,608
You know, on the d-low.

28
00:01:13,642 --> 00:01:15,276
Sure, you know,
I'm barely there.

29
00:01:15,310 --> 00:01:17,159
I'm married to the job.

30
00:01:17,193 --> 00:01:19,525
And to a mannequin leg
I found in the boiler room.

31
00:01:19,576 --> 00:01:21,474
Homewrecker.

32
00:01:21,492 --> 00:01:22,875
Your first major lab assignment

33
00:01:22,909 --> 00:01:24,209
is to construct a terrarium.

34
00:01:24,243 --> 00:01:27,309
Sort of like a diorama.

35
00:01:27,343 --> 00:01:31,175
You guys have
weird reactions to stuff.

36
00:01:31,210 --> 00:01:32,975
Hey, can I ask you something?

37
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:35,042
This is unrelated.

38
00:01:35,076 --> 00:01:36,775
As someone who just finished
spending the majority

39
00:01:36,809 --> 00:01:38,042
of his life in prison,

40
00:01:38,076 --> 00:01:41,942
what happened with legos?
They used to be simple.

41
00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:43,942
Oh, come on, I know you know
what I'm talking about.

42
00:01:43,976 --> 00:01:46,942
Legos were simple.

43
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:51,075
Something happened out here
while I was inside.

44
00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:54,309
Harry Potter legos,
Star Wars legos.

45
00:01:54,343 --> 00:01:56,109
Complicated kits,

46
00:01:56,143 --> 00:01:59,242
tiny little blocks.

47
00:01:59,277 --> 00:02:03,209
I mean, I'm not saying it's bad,
I just wanna know what happened.

48
00:02:03,243 --> 00:02:04,608
All right, fine.

49
00:02:04,643 --> 00:02:06,692
Your terrariums are due
tomorrow.

50
00:02:06,743 --> 00:02:08,575
And everyone look across
the table

51
00:02:08,609 --> 00:02:10,375
at the person in front of you.

52
00:02:10,409 --> 00:02:13,358
That's your lab partner
for the rest of the semester.

53
00:02:13,409 --> 00:02:15,641
Saddle up.

54
00:02:15,659 --> 00:02:18,475
Who are these people?

55
00:02:18,481 --> 00:02:19,380
Sync by honneybunny, corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com

56
00:02:45,310 --> 00:02:48,608
Um, hello, please,
Professor Kane?

57
00:02:48,642 --> 00:02:50,009
Yes?

58
00:02:50,043 --> 00:02:52,042
I know you haven't been here
at Greendale very long,

59
00:02:52,076 --> 00:02:54,608
but, um... We're a study group.

60
00:02:54,643 --> 00:02:56,042
It's kind of a thing.
We've been through a lot.

61
00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:57,276
You probably heard
of the space bus.

62
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:58,708
Paintball.

63
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:00,908
I had sex with Eartha Kitt
in an airplane bathroom,

64
00:03:00,943 --> 00:03:02,808
and these are the only guys
I've ever told.

65
00:03:02,826 --> 00:03:04,192
Yeah, we're like a family.

66
00:03:04,243 --> 00:03:05,608
We love each other.
Second paintball.

67
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:07,808
What is happening
at this school?

68
00:03:07,843 --> 00:03:10,109
I have so many conversations
that make no sense.

69
00:03:10,143 --> 00:03:13,142
Uh, we'd really prefer
to partner up amongst ourselves.

70
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,491
I don't care.
Go ahead.

71
00:03:18,143 --> 00:03:20,009
It's not you, it's me.

72
00:03:20,043 --> 00:03:21,142
I'm just trying
to protect us both

73
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,908
from more pain down the road.

74
00:03:22,943 --> 00:03:24,325
I may have
a developmental disorder.

75
00:03:24,359 --> 00:03:27,159
I need to catch up
on Breaking Bad, so...

76
00:03:27,193 --> 00:03:28,742
I'm so sorry.

77
00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:30,325
I have
a developmental disorder.

78
00:03:30,359 --> 00:03:31,775
Star Wars, Star Wars.
Cool, cool, cool. Hmm.

79
00:03:31,809 --> 00:03:33,242
You understand.

80
00:03:33,277 --> 00:03:35,975
You're also, quite frankly,
a very weird-looking man.

81
00:03:36,010 --> 00:03:39,375
I don't know you,
but I just don't trust you.

82
00:03:39,409 --> 00:03:40,975
And I don't think
I could grow to like you.

83
00:03:41,010 --> 00:03:42,675
The point of what I'm trying
to tell you, Todd,

84
00:03:42,709 --> 00:03:44,142
is that I don't want
to be your lab partner.

85
00:03:44,176 --> 00:03:45,159
No offense.

86
00:03:45,193 --> 00:03:46,375
None taken.

87
00:03:46,409 --> 00:03:48,275
I understand, you wanna be
with your friends.

88
00:03:48,309 --> 00:03:50,408
Don't tell me what I'm feeling
or thinking. It's petty.

89
00:03:50,442 --> 00:03:53,192
Good-bye, Todd.

90
00:03:53,243 --> 00:03:58,242
Okay, how are we
gonna divide the—

91
00:03:58,276 --> 00:04:01,358
Hey, Todd! Todd, buddy!
You passed the test.

92
00:04:03,976 --> 00:04:06,009
I've been walking my beat
a long time, sir.

93
00:04:06,043 --> 00:04:07,508
A long time.

94
00:04:07,542 --> 00:04:09,708
I've kept my head down,
paid my dues.

95
00:04:09,743 --> 00:04:11,975
And, well, I think I'm ready
to make detective.

96
00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:13,808
You've only been here a month.

97
00:04:13,843 --> 00:04:15,675
You really haven't done
much of anything.

98
00:04:15,709 --> 00:04:18,675
And there's no such thing
as security guard detective.

99
00:04:18,709 --> 00:04:20,992
We don't solve crimes.

100
00:04:21,026 --> 00:04:22,575
We barely prevent them.

101
00:04:22,609 --> 00:04:25,308
You wanna detect something?

102
00:04:25,326 --> 00:04:30,142
Do it on your own time.

103
00:04:30,176 --> 00:04:32,441
Maybe I will.

104
00:04:32,476 --> 00:04:35,192
"Maybe I will."

105
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:39,525
My own words rang in my head
like a bell inside a head.

106
00:04:39,576 --> 00:04:41,075
Maybe I was crazy.

107
00:04:41,110 --> 00:04:46,142
Or maybe, just maybe,
I was a detective.

108
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,142
- Hey.
- What?

109
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,408
- Looking for something?
- No.

110
00:04:51,442 --> 00:04:52,541
She said she wasn't,

111
00:04:52,576 --> 00:04:54,241
but her eyes said otherwise.

112
00:04:54,276 --> 00:04:56,541
She was all dame,
legs that went all the way

113
00:04:56,576 --> 00:04:57,875
to the bottom of her torso.

114
00:04:57,909 --> 00:05:00,075
The kind of arms
that had elbows.

115
00:05:00,110 --> 00:05:03,341
Um... Did you just call me
in here to stare at me?

116
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,842
The way she left,
I could tell that somebody—

117
00:05:12,876 --> 00:05:15,675
or something—had really
put the scare on her.

118
00:05:15,709 --> 00:05:17,742
But what? Why?

119
00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:19,208
Stapler.

120
00:05:19,242 --> 00:05:20,708
Was I crazy?

121
00:05:20,743 --> 00:05:23,208
Or were they somehow connected?

122
00:05:23,242 --> 00:05:24,742
I can't believe it.

123
00:05:24,776 --> 00:05:27,358
This is the first time there
hasn't been a beetle in here.

124
00:05:27,409 --> 00:05:29,541
- Should we move outside?
- Uh-huh.

125
00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:31,109
Did you even hear what I said?

126
00:05:31,143 --> 00:05:33,742
- Uh-huh.
- Seriously?

127
00:05:33,776 --> 00:05:35,441
Is this what it's gonna be
like working together?

128
00:05:35,476 --> 00:05:36,508
What?

129
00:05:36,542 --> 00:05:38,875
I lost three followers?

130
00:05:38,909 --> 00:05:40,341
Man, people just
can't handle the truth

131
00:05:40,376 --> 00:05:43,109
about Ben Sherman's
winter collection.

132
00:05:46,043 --> 00:05:47,658
Roommates, study group,
lab partners.

133
00:05:47,693 --> 00:05:49,275
We really are gonna spend
all our time together.

134
00:05:49,309 --> 00:05:50,341
How awesome is that?

135
00:05:50,376 --> 00:05:52,408
Very.
You know what else is awesome?

136
00:05:52,442 --> 00:05:53,908
Last night I saw
the Hong Kong movie.

137
00:05:53,943 --> 00:05:55,174
That Kickpuncher is based on.

138
00:05:55,209 --> 00:05:56,608
Yeah, I know, I was there.

139
00:05:56,643 --> 00:05:57,641
Did you see the scene where
Kickpuncher kick-punches

140
00:05:57,659 --> 00:05:59,308
200 guys with one kick-punch?

141
00:05:59,342 --> 00:06:02,042
Yeah.
Both of them.

142
00:06:02,076 --> 00:06:03,875
Oh.

143
00:06:03,909 --> 00:06:07,575
We spend
too much time together.

144
00:06:07,609 --> 00:06:08,675
Jinx.

145
00:06:08,709 --> 00:06:10,275
Here's Ben with his cupcake.

146
00:06:11,359 --> 00:06:12,675
And here he is
a few seconds later

147
00:06:12,709 --> 00:06:14,575
when he was crying because
he dropped his cupcake.

148
00:06:14,609 --> 00:06:15,608
Mm-hmm.

149
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:17,358
And here he is
with another cupcake.

150
00:06:17,409 --> 00:06:18,441
Oh, oh, wait, these pictures
are out of order.

151
00:06:18,475 --> 00:06:19,642
That's the same cupcake.

152
00:06:19,676 --> 00:06:22,825
Oh, Shirley, these pictures
are adorable.

153
00:06:22,859 --> 00:06:24,009
And comprehensive.

154
00:06:24,043 --> 00:06:26,875
But did you know that
sugar is like baby meth?

155
00:06:26,909 --> 00:06:28,441
That's what my homeopath said.

156
00:06:28,476 --> 00:06:32,191
Well, maybe your gay friend
should mind his own business.

157
00:06:32,242 --> 00:06:35,942
"Forget about the girl,"
I told myself.

158
00:06:35,976 --> 00:06:39,275
"Let her go, like
a lobster claw letting go

159
00:06:39,309 --> 00:06:41,942
of a small balloon
for lobsters."

160
00:06:41,976 --> 00:06:44,575
Still, I had a hunch.

161
00:06:44,609 --> 00:06:47,641
Hmm. A matchbook.

162
00:06:47,659 --> 00:06:49,641
Something about it
seemed clue-y.

163
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:52,525
"Arizona matchbook company."

164
00:06:52,576 --> 00:06:54,141
Arizona.

165
00:06:54,159 --> 00:06:56,842
Arizona backwards
is still Arizona!

166
00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:59,042
It's a palomino!

167
00:06:59,075 --> 00:07:00,141
Maybe I was crazy...

168
00:07:00,175 --> 00:07:03,275
Or maybe I was finally sane.

169
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:09,275
Why does this guy keep
staring at me?

170
00:07:13,342 --> 00:07:15,675
Britta.
What are you doing here?

171
00:07:15,709 --> 00:07:17,308
Oh, I was just
getting some air.

172
00:07:17,342 --> 00:07:20,491
Me too.
And wondering something.

173
00:07:20,526 --> 00:07:21,825
I was wondering something, too.

174
00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,441
- Tell me.
- No, you first.

175
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:24,942
I was wondering,
what would it be like

176
00:07:24,976 --> 00:07:27,441
- if we were partners?
- What's going on here?

177
00:07:27,475 --> 00:07:28,775
Were you thinking of
changing partners?

178
00:07:28,809 --> 00:07:30,775
Who's thinking
of changing partners?

179
00:07:30,809 --> 00:07:32,808
Were you gonna bail on me?

180
00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:36,108
No. No one here is thinking
of changing partners. No, sir.

181
00:07:36,142 --> 00:07:37,308
I am!

182
00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:39,642
While he was spying,
I found a turtle.

183
00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,491
It's not fair that
I should be the only one here

184
00:07:41,526 --> 00:07:44,775
saddled with a total waste
of space loser.

185
00:07:44,809 --> 00:07:46,842
- No offense, Todd.
- None taken.

186
00:07:46,876 --> 00:07:49,108
Why should you all get
the exact partner you wanted?

187
00:07:49,142 --> 00:07:50,575
That's right.

188
00:07:50,609 --> 00:07:53,975
It's totally not fair that
we saddled Pierce with Todd.

189
00:07:53,993 --> 00:07:55,575
We should probably
choose partners again.

190
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:56,908
I mean, just to be fair.

191
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,675
So it's agreed.
Let's go to the study room

192
00:07:58,709 --> 00:08:01,074
and deal with this Todd problem
once and for all.

193
00:08:01,109 --> 00:08:02,358
Okay.

194
00:08:02,409 --> 00:08:04,608
Um, did you want me to come?

195
00:08:04,643 --> 00:08:07,415
Um, it's called
"the Todd problem."

196
00:08:16,403 --> 00:08:19,762
Okay, we just have to come up
with a fair way

197
00:08:19,882 --> 00:08:23,350
to decide who is gonna be stuck
for an entire semester

198
00:08:23,385 --> 00:08:26,636
with this... Random.

199
00:08:26,732 --> 00:08:29,230
This, uh... Non-grouper.

200
00:08:29,265 --> 00:08:30,464
No offense, Todd.

201
00:08:30,498 --> 00:08:33,264
None taken.
I'm happy to work with whoever.

202
00:08:33,298 --> 00:08:35,331
There's only one way
to decide this fairly.

203
00:08:35,365 --> 00:08:37,230
We go boy-girl, boy-girl.

204
00:08:37,265 --> 00:08:39,531
But everyone has to have
a different hair color.

205
00:08:39,565 --> 00:08:41,030
And be from a different
high school.

206
00:08:41,065 --> 00:08:43,230
And be a different race.

207
00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:45,264
I guess I'd be with... Britta.

208
00:08:45,298 --> 00:08:48,230
I guess my—my hands are tied.

209
00:08:48,265 --> 00:08:49,431
The hair color concept
intrigues me

210
00:08:49,465 --> 00:08:50,798
because it's how
I distinguish you anyway.

211
00:08:50,832 --> 00:08:52,347
But what if we arrange by age,
so that way

212
00:08:52,382 --> 00:08:53,664
the young people can work
while the old people sleep

213
00:08:53,682 --> 00:08:55,097
and vice versa.

214
00:08:55,131 --> 00:08:56,464
Um, I-I was just wondering
who you considered old,

215
00:08:56,498 --> 00:08:58,964
because I'd like
to remind you again

216
00:08:58,998 --> 00:09:00,864
that I'm just about
the same age as Jeff.

217
00:09:00,899 --> 00:09:02,047
Oh, I was counting Jeff
as old, too.

218
00:09:02,098 --> 00:09:03,164
Hey!

219
00:09:03,198 --> 00:09:04,664
Oh, well, that's
all right then.

220
00:09:04,682 --> 00:09:06,831
I just don't understand how
my age has anything to—

221
00:09:06,865 --> 00:09:09,297
Oh, for heaven's sake, Pierce!

222
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,097
I was thinking the thing
that would be most beneficial—

223
00:09:11,131 --> 00:09:12,864
you know, for the group—
would be

224
00:09:12,899 --> 00:09:15,731
to pair the people with the
lowest GPAs with the highest.

225
00:09:15,765 --> 00:09:17,364
Hmm. Interesting.

226
00:09:17,398 --> 00:09:19,397
The highest
carrying the lowest?

227
00:09:19,432 --> 00:09:21,130
I can see how
you might want that.

228
00:09:21,165 --> 00:09:22,180
You know what, Annie?

229
00:09:22,215 --> 00:09:24,531
Pew, pew, pew, pew, p—

230
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:28,297
Wait, no.
Pew, pew, pew, pew.

231
00:09:28,332 --> 00:09:30,230
Does anyone else have kids?

232
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,864
Because I have a gorgeous little
newborn that I'd like to get—

233
00:09:32,899 --> 00:09:34,047
Oh, perfect!

234
00:09:34,098 --> 00:09:35,997
You'll enjoy talking to Shirley
about her kids.

235
00:09:36,031 --> 00:09:38,531
Uh-uh, don't go trying to pawn
Todd off on me.

236
00:09:38,565 --> 00:09:40,030
Again, none taken.

237
00:09:40,065 --> 00:09:42,898
Guys, our terrariums are due
tomorrow and it's already nine.

238
00:09:42,931 --> 00:09:45,297
Okay, let's make this simple
and do it like student housing.

239
00:09:45,332 --> 00:09:47,598
Everyone write down
their lab partner preferences

240
00:09:47,632 --> 00:09:48,631
from one to eight.

241
00:09:48,665 --> 00:09:50,364
Abed, you're a computer.

242
00:09:50,398 --> 00:09:52,331
You figure out a way to put us
in our optimal pairings.

243
00:09:52,365 --> 00:09:55,731
And before you all go
putting Todd down last,

244
00:09:55,765 --> 00:09:57,864
don't forget he comes
with a turtle.

245
00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,397
You're halfway done.

246
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,930
How does that sound?

247
00:10:02,565 --> 00:10:03,997
Somebody wake up Pierce.

248
00:10:04,031 --> 00:10:05,930
Hello, Arizona
matchbook company.

249
00:10:05,965 --> 00:10:07,397
I had to get some answers.

250
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:10,531
And I needed answers like a fish
needs a bicycle— A lot.

251
00:10:10,565 --> 00:10:12,197
Hello?
Hello?

252
00:10:12,231 --> 00:10:14,598
Yeah, I am, uh, interested
in your matchbooks.

253
00:10:14,632 --> 00:10:15,964
Yes, would you like
to place an order?

254
00:10:15,998 --> 00:10:18,397
I had to think fast.

255
00:10:18,432 --> 00:10:20,464
- Yes.
- Get away from my desk.

256
00:10:20,498 --> 00:10:21,598
I'll call you back.

257
00:10:21,632 --> 00:10:22,897
You've been walking
around campus

258
00:10:22,931 --> 00:10:25,164
asking people weird questions
and then staring at them

259
00:10:25,198 --> 00:10:26,531
while slightly
moving your lips?

260
00:10:26,565 --> 00:10:27,930
I had to think fast.

261
00:10:27,965 --> 00:10:29,064
No.

262
00:10:29,098 --> 00:10:33,698
Ben... I think this job
might be getting to you.

263
00:10:33,732 --> 00:10:35,331
I think you need
to take some time off.

264
00:10:35,365 --> 00:10:37,397
Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?

265
00:10:37,432 --> 00:10:41,164
Very much so.
Yes.

266
00:10:41,198 --> 00:10:42,897
All right, yep.

267
00:10:42,931 --> 00:10:45,163
According to my system,
Annie's gonna be with Shirley.

268
00:10:45,181 --> 00:10:46,514
Pierce is with me.
Troy is with Britta.

269
00:10:46,548 --> 00:10:47,598
And Jeff is with Todd.

270
00:10:47,632 --> 00:10:49,564
Okay, let's get to work.

271
00:10:49,599 --> 00:10:52,764
Uh, wait. Um, how did
I end up with Todd?

272
00:10:52,799 --> 00:10:54,097
I mean, no offense,

273
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:55,598
but he wasn't exactly
at the top of my list.

274
00:10:55,632 --> 00:10:56,731
None taken.

275
00:10:56,765 --> 00:10:58,030
It's what the algorithm
dictated.

276
00:10:58,065 --> 00:10:59,130
And we're just supposed
to trust your algorithm?

277
00:10:59,165 --> 00:11:00,497
You're questioning
my algorithm?

278
00:11:00,515 --> 00:11:02,214
Not necessarily. Is your
algorithm above questioning?

279
00:11:02,265 --> 00:11:03,264
Not necessarily.

280
00:11:03,298 --> 00:11:04,531
Will you just tell us
how you chose?

281
00:11:04,565 --> 00:11:06,164
I used the ballots to rank
everyone by popularity.

282
00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:07,863
And I put the most popular
with the least popular.

283
00:11:07,898 --> 00:11:09,964
I figured it would maximize each
partnership's audience appeal.

284
00:11:09,998 --> 00:11:11,297
Oh, I-I see.

285
00:11:11,332 --> 00:11:12,631
So I was number one, and
he was obviously number eight.

286
00:11:12,665 --> 00:11:13,847
No offense, Todd.

287
00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:14,847
You and Todd
were four and five.

288
00:11:14,881 --> 00:11:16,997
I was four?

289
00:11:17,031 --> 00:11:18,564
- Todd was four.
- I was five?

290
00:11:18,599 --> 00:11:19,731
Well, that's insane!

291
00:11:19,765 --> 00:11:21,163
We don't even know him.

292
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,214
He's a stranger.

293
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,731
Please, Jeff.
It has feelings.

294
00:11:24,765 --> 00:11:26,331
Wait, so we all know
Annie was number one,

295
00:11:26,365 --> 00:11:29,497
because she'd do all the work.

296
00:11:29,515 --> 00:11:32,547
And Shirley was
her partner, so...

297
00:11:32,599 --> 00:11:34,714
But that means—
so you all put—

298
00:11:34,765 --> 00:11:37,397
I just worked it out.

299
00:11:37,432 --> 00:11:41,064
I'm more popular than someone!

300
00:11:41,098 --> 00:11:45,847
Getting the matchbooks shipped
to me the same day wasn't easy.

301
00:11:45,881 --> 00:11:47,664
I had to pay the company money.

302
00:11:47,699 --> 00:11:49,797
I used Nunez's card.

303
00:11:49,831 --> 00:11:52,330
He'd thank me at
the Detective Awards.

304
00:11:52,348 --> 00:11:56,330
Somewhere, somehow, I was gonna
find what I was looking for.

305
00:12:09,632 --> 00:12:12,164
Holy Mary, mother of God.

306
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:14,164
Was I crazy?

307
00:12:14,198 --> 00:12:15,863
Or was I on
the verge of something?

308
00:12:15,898 --> 00:12:18,014
My mind reeled with thoughts.

309
00:12:18,048 --> 00:12:19,997
Voices.
Stand-up premises.

310
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,897
Why don't they just make tires
out of pavement

311
00:12:21,931 --> 00:12:23,763
so you can drive on anything?
What's up with buttons?

312
00:12:23,798 --> 00:12:26,164
What would happen if
Nicholson was a gynecologist?

313
00:12:26,198 --> 00:12:28,297
There was something there.

314
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:29,964
I need a notepad.

315
00:12:29,998 --> 00:12:32,431
Maybe a blazer.

316
00:12:34,682 --> 00:12:37,564
Honey, I-I-I don't know
when I'll be home.

317
00:12:37,599 --> 00:12:40,564
How could you guys hate me
more than Pierce?

318
00:12:40,599 --> 00:12:42,130
Or anything more than Pierce?

319
00:12:42,164 --> 00:12:43,497
Thin ice, Shirley.

320
00:12:43,532 --> 00:12:45,230
My friends and I
are not gonna let you

321
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,897
drive a wedge between us.

322
00:12:46,931 --> 00:12:48,347
Shirley has a point.

323
00:12:48,382 --> 00:12:50,964
This list stinks
like a butt convention.

324
00:12:50,998 --> 00:12:53,863
How else could you explain
Troy being so unpopular?

325
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:56,730
Uh, I think I was
the popular one in our pairing.

326
00:12:56,764 --> 00:12:58,763
Oh, Troy.

327
00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:04,297
Fine, why don't I just
go work with Todd?

328
00:13:04,332 --> 00:13:07,730
Hey, that's cool,
whatever gets this project done.

329
00:13:07,764 --> 00:13:10,197
Oh, wow, what a great guy.

330
00:13:10,231 --> 00:13:12,631
I can see why all of you like
him so much more than me.

331
00:13:12,665 --> 00:13:16,297
Jeff, maybe it's just that no
one wants to carry you all year.

332
00:13:16,331 --> 00:13:19,397
Gee, you're right, Annie,
it's not personal.

333
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:21,197
I mean, it's not like
people really like you.

334
00:13:21,231 --> 00:13:23,064
You're just a good grade
in a tight sweater.

335
00:13:23,098 --> 00:13:25,531
You're just a bad grade
in a tight sweater.

336
00:13:25,565 --> 00:13:26,797
And who the hell
are you always texting?

337
00:13:26,831 --> 00:13:29,030
Everyone you know is here.

338
00:13:29,065 --> 00:13:30,347
Okay, let's all just
take a breath—

339
00:13:30,382 --> 00:13:32,214
Don't get your number four
stink on this, Todd.

340
00:13:32,265 --> 00:13:33,897
Okay, let's focus.

341
00:13:33,931 --> 00:13:38,598
We're all the same people
we were 12 hours ago.

342
00:13:38,632 --> 00:13:40,347
Maybe we should just revert
to our original pairings.

343
00:13:40,382 --> 00:13:41,997
But I thought you didn't want
to carry Jeff.

344
00:13:42,015 --> 00:13:43,047
Oh, you just don't want
to work with Shirley.

345
00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:46,680
You too, brute?

346
00:13:46,714 --> 00:13:48,830
It's just...
You're a creationist!

347
00:13:48,864 --> 00:13:51,097
- What?
- You're so religious.

348
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,930
How are you gonna do
science experiments

349
00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:54,364
if you don't even
believe in science?

350
00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:56,264
Just because someone's
religious doesn't mean

351
00:13:56,298 --> 00:13:57,830
they have a problem
with science.

352
00:13:57,864 --> 00:13:59,464
And certainly,

353
00:13:59,498 --> 00:14:01,797
if an introductory biology
course at a community college

354
00:14:01,831 --> 00:14:04,214
can refute 2,000 years
of miracles—

355
00:14:05,398 --> 00:14:06,514
And what about Britta?

356
00:14:06,548 --> 00:14:08,130
She's not gonna
dissect anything.

357
00:14:08,165 --> 00:14:10,997
Fine, you got me, I won't
dissect anything with a face.

358
00:14:11,015 --> 00:14:12,497
What about worms?

359
00:14:12,515 --> 00:14:14,130
Do they have tiny little faces?

360
00:14:14,165 --> 00:14:15,547
This is why
you're the stupidest!

361
00:14:15,599 --> 00:14:18,497
If loving worms is stupid,
I don't wanna be smart.

362
00:14:18,532 --> 00:14:20,680
It is, and you can't be.

363
00:14:20,714 --> 00:14:23,164
Guys, I just figured it
all out.

364
00:14:23,198 --> 00:14:26,197
Pierce, wake up,
Jeff is gonna heal us.

365
00:14:26,231 --> 00:14:27,730
We have been looking
at this totally wrong.

366
00:14:27,764 --> 00:14:30,497
There's no way I'm unpopular.

367
00:14:30,515 --> 00:14:32,431
One of you monsters
just put me last

368
00:14:32,465 --> 00:14:34,630
in a petty attempt
to humble me.

369
00:14:34,664 --> 00:14:36,264
Oh!

370
00:14:36,298 --> 00:14:39,863
I just had a terrible nightmare
that Jeff was a pompous ass.

371
00:14:39,898 --> 00:14:41,514
Also Todd was there.

372
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,830
Uh, no offense, Todd.

373
00:14:52,215 --> 00:14:54,397
I'd poked my nose
where it didn't belong.

374
00:14:54,432 --> 00:14:57,997
Someone—or something—
had sent me a message.

375
00:14:59,764 --> 00:15:01,713
Veronica.

376
00:15:01,764 --> 00:15:05,364
It was my fault she had
gotten mixed up in all this.

377
00:15:08,432 --> 00:15:09,663
Uh-uh, Todd.

378
00:15:09,698 --> 00:15:11,397
Pretty sure I heard
a fire alarm.

379
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,130
Nobody's going home until
we see those ballots.

380
00:15:13,164 --> 00:15:14,930
See the ballots?
Are you crazy?

381
00:15:14,965 --> 00:15:16,997
I say let's lay our cards
on the table

382
00:15:17,015 --> 00:15:19,163
and see what everyone really
thinks of each other.

383
00:15:19,181 --> 00:15:21,130
Get behind me, Abed.

384
00:15:22,831 --> 00:15:24,264
Jeff, stop it!

385
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:25,497
Pass!

386
00:15:25,532 --> 00:15:27,214
Give it to me!
No, get back, get back!

387
00:15:27,265 --> 00:15:28,964
I am doing this for all of us.

388
00:15:28,998 --> 00:15:30,847
Oh, no, she's got
her marijuana lighter.

389
00:15:30,881 --> 00:15:33,297
Don't!

390
00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:36,763
Noooo!
The turtle is in there!

391
00:15:36,798 --> 00:15:38,497
Oh, my God, I am so sorry!

392
00:15:38,515 --> 00:15:42,797
What is wrong with you people?

393
00:15:42,831 --> 00:15:45,797
Huh?

394
00:15:45,831 --> 00:15:48,797
I thought you were
supposed to be friends!

395
00:15:48,831 --> 00:15:53,014
I thought you were supposed
to love each other!

396
00:15:53,048 --> 00:15:55,830
Your love is weird.

397
00:15:55,848 --> 00:15:57,997
And toxic!

398
00:15:58,015 --> 00:16:01,197
And it destroys
everything it touches!

399
00:16:01,231 --> 00:16:04,464
I no longer care about grades.

400
00:16:04,498 --> 00:16:08,546
Or biology. Or finally
graduating from college,

401
00:16:08,598 --> 00:16:12,597
like I promised
my dying father.

402
00:16:12,631 --> 00:16:15,297
I'm going home.

403
00:16:15,331 --> 00:16:18,014
I'm gonna hold my wife
and my child close.

404
00:16:18,048 --> 00:16:23,331
And I am gonna finally
take my Insulin shot!

405
00:16:23,365 --> 00:16:28,597
Offense taken.

406
00:16:28,631 --> 00:16:32,130
Offense taken.

407
00:16:35,598 --> 00:16:37,397
Well, he is right
about one thing.

408
00:16:37,432 --> 00:16:38,997
You're all terrible people.

409
00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:41,264
And I don't care about
this stupid assignment.

410
00:16:41,298 --> 00:16:45,030
I'm going home.

411
00:16:45,065 --> 00:16:46,930
No, I'm not,
I'm going to biology class.

412
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:49,546
It starts in 15 minutes.

413
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,825
And eventually, this caterpillar

414
00:16:55,065 --> 00:16:57,863
will come out of its cocoon.
And then—

415
00:16:57,898 --> 00:16:59,480
Pop, pop!

416
00:17:02,184 --> 00:17:04,496
Nice work, you two.

417
00:17:04,531 --> 00:17:06,708
You know they're laughing
at you, right?

418
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,411
I mean, that's my theory.

419
00:17:09,947 --> 00:17:11,862
Now, super group.

420
00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:14,925
I can't help but notice
a sorry lack of terrariums.

421
00:17:15,045 --> 00:17:16,377
We didn't have time to finish.

422
00:17:16,395 --> 00:17:18,278
Here's mine.

423
00:17:18,312 --> 00:17:20,196
When did you even
have time to do that?

424
00:17:20,316 --> 00:17:21,515
You're pathological.

425
00:17:21,549 --> 00:17:23,282
It's too late for flattery.

426
00:17:23,316 --> 00:17:26,148
Professor, obviously
this isn't working out.

427
00:17:26,183 --> 00:17:28,182
You're just gonna have to put us
with our original lab partners.

428
00:17:28,216 --> 00:17:30,982
- All right?
- I don't have to do anything.

429
00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:32,815
Not after you broke
my boy Todd.

430
00:17:32,849 --> 00:17:34,748
That man called me
crying this morning.

431
00:17:34,782 --> 00:17:36,615
You know he fought
in Iraq, right?

432
00:17:36,649 --> 00:17:39,615
We had a name for people
like you in prison.

433
00:17:39,649 --> 00:17:41,915
We called you
"the mean clique."

434
00:17:42,949 --> 00:17:44,349
But I have a solution.

435
00:17:44,383 --> 00:17:47,015
All seven of you
will share a microscope,

436
00:17:47,049 --> 00:17:49,182
one bench, and one grade
that I will average.

437
00:17:49,216 --> 00:17:50,748
Everyone else gets
their own stuff.

438
00:17:50,782 --> 00:17:53,015
So can we get an extension
on the first assignment?

439
00:17:53,049 --> 00:17:56,781
No. You all fail.

440
00:17:58,983 --> 00:18:01,349
Oh, my God.

441
00:18:01,383 --> 00:18:02,681
How did this happen?

442
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:04,399
And did I miss the firemen?

443
00:18:04,432 --> 00:18:06,648
Dean, the explanation
is simple.

444
00:18:06,682 --> 00:18:09,065
It's all connected.

445
00:18:09,099 --> 00:18:11,065
A web of conspiracy that goes

446
00:18:11,099 --> 00:18:13,915
all the way to the top
of Arizona.

447
00:18:13,949 --> 00:18:16,515
All... Right.

448
00:18:16,549 --> 00:18:19,598
Hey, somebody's been
squatting in the utility closet.

449
00:18:19,649 --> 00:18:22,848
There's a hot plate back there,
thousands of matches.

450
00:18:22,883 --> 00:18:24,915
I mean, we're looking at dozens

451
00:18:24,949 --> 00:18:29,398
of major health
and fire code violations.

452
00:18:29,432 --> 00:18:31,715
I think we're gonna have to get
the police involved.

453
00:18:31,749 --> 00:18:34,115
And that's when it hit me.

454
00:18:34,149 --> 00:18:35,748
I was in really big trouble.

455
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,431
Dean.

456
00:18:38,482 --> 00:18:39,481
Dean?

457
00:18:39,516 --> 00:18:42,481
Oh, uh... No.

458
00:18:42,516 --> 00:18:43,948
No need to get the cops.

459
00:18:43,983 --> 00:18:48,381
With a conspiracy this big,
they're probably involved.

460
00:18:48,399 --> 00:18:50,548
- What?
- What Chang says

461
00:18:50,566 --> 00:18:52,615
makes a lot of sense,
and, um...

462
00:18:52,649 --> 00:18:55,414
Okay, you know what?
I quit.

463
00:18:55,449 --> 00:18:57,781
I mean, I can deal
with the not getting paid,

464
00:18:57,816 --> 00:19:01,414
but I draw the line
at you enabling this man.

465
00:19:01,449 --> 00:19:04,882
I mean, I'm seriously concerned
that he's mentally ill.

466
00:19:04,916 --> 00:19:07,615
And—and it's not funny
at all. It's scary.

467
00:19:07,649 --> 00:19:09,615
- The top of Arizona...
- I needed to know more.

468
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,048
- Was it a very high mesa?
- About those firemen.

469
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,681
- Or was it a state of mind?
- Were they ethnically diverse?

470
00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:14,315
- Either way, I was going...
- Did they bring a dalmatian?

471
00:19:14,349 --> 00:19:15,715
- To have to climb it.
- Could I buy a calendar?

472
00:19:15,749 --> 00:19:21,082
Okay, screw this.
I-I quit.

473
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:23,315
Hmm?

474
00:19:23,349 --> 00:19:26,381
Well, it seems that Greendale
owes you a debt of gratitude.

475
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:29,515
How would you like to be
the new head of security?

476
00:19:29,549 --> 00:19:30,982
I had to think fast.

477
00:19:31,016 --> 00:19:32,048
Yes.

478
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:35,232
I don't know, was I crazy?

479
00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:37,548
Or was I just doing right
by the school?

480
00:19:50,049 --> 00:19:52,048
- This is awkward, isn't it?
- Yeah.

481
00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:53,881
You know, I think
it's pretty clear

482
00:19:53,899 --> 00:19:56,215
what destroyed the balance
in our study group's ecosystem.

483
00:19:56,250 --> 00:19:58,148
Ranking one person
above another.

484
00:19:58,183 --> 00:20:00,065
Letting our differences
get the bets of us.

485
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,215
- Racism?
- No.

486
00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:03,515
Todd.

487
00:20:03,549 --> 00:20:06,515
Todd!

488
00:20:06,549 --> 00:20:07,982
Did you see the head
on that guy?

489
00:20:08,016 --> 00:20:08,982
"None taken."

490
00:20:09,016 --> 00:20:10,615
What was wrong with him?

491
00:20:10,649 --> 00:20:12,715
Not to be unchristian,
but that boy sucked.

492
00:20:12,749 --> 00:20:14,249
I missed this.

493
00:20:14,282 --> 00:20:15,281
Aww!

494
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:16,648
And his dumb baby!

495
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:17,781
- I know!
- On and on.

496
00:20:17,816 --> 00:20:19,781
He wouldn't shut up.

497
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:40,175
These questions
are really personal.

498
00:20:40,294 --> 00:20:41,474
Are you sure this is anonymous?

499
00:20:41,509 --> 00:20:43,455
Yeah, they're just
practice evaluations

500
00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:44,881
for my psych class.

501
00:20:46,258 --> 00:20:48,008
All right.
Who did a butt?

502
00:20:48,042 --> 00:20:50,808
They're boobs.
And I don't know.

503
00:20:50,842 --> 00:20:51,958
Take it again.

504
00:20:52,009 --> 00:20:53,125
All right.

505
00:20:53,176 --> 00:20:54,508
Somebody drew a penis.

506
00:20:54,542 --> 00:20:56,708
Oh! And another penis.

507
00:20:56,742 --> 00:21:00,125
Penis, penis, penis.
Very mature, guys.

508
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:04,508
- I didn't draw a penis.
- Me neither.

509
00:21:04,542 --> 00:21:07,125
Yeah, these are all
normally filled out tests.

510
00:21:07,176 --> 00:21:09,591
Ha ha! Gotcha!

511
00:21:09,625 --> 00:21:12,958
This was also a test,
and you all penised.

512
00:21:13,009 --> 00:21:14,608
Passed.

513
00:21:14,642 --> 00:21:16,574
Maybe I need to take one.

514
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,641
A test.
Not a penis.

515
00:21:19,401 --> 00:21:21,699
Sync by honneybunny, corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com