1
00:00:01,996 --> 00:00:04,794
Didn't they say 304?

2
00:00:01,996 --> 00:00:04,794
303. I wrote it down.

3
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:10,764
Hi.

4
00:00:10,764 --> 00:00:12,726
Come on in.

5
00:00:10,764 --> 00:00:12,726
Wow. Okay.

6
00:00:12,726 --> 00:00:14,187
Wow.

7
00:00:14,187 --> 00:00:15,649
What a great place.

8
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:18,362
You guys...

9
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:18,362
You guys look so fancy.

10
00:00:18,362 --> 00:00:21,619
We read a book on being hosts.

11
00:00:18,362 --> 00:00:21,619
Rule one, dress to impress.

12
00:00:21,619 --> 00:00:25,794
Rule number two, avoid touchy

13
00:00:21,619 --> 00:00:25,794
topics like the Negro problem.

14
00:00:25,794 --> 00:00:27,297
Written in the '40s.

15
00:00:25,794 --> 00:00:27,297
Yeah.

16
00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:30,219
Good, you guys are finally here.

17
00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:30,219
Finally?

18
00:00:30,219 --> 00:00:33,518
Shirley showed up at 3.

19
00:00:30,219 --> 00:00:33,518
Time flies when I'm baking.

20
00:00:33,518 --> 00:00:34,979
No, it doesn't.

21
00:00:34,979 --> 00:00:37,359
The door downstairs

22
00:00:34,979 --> 00:00:37,359
was propped open with this.

23
00:00:37,359 --> 00:00:39,989
This is unsafe.

24
00:00:37,359 --> 00:00:39,989
Anyone could've wandered in.

25
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,455
Like our guests?

26
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,455
Be right back.

27
00:00:43,455 --> 00:00:45,917
Thank you.

28
00:00:43,455 --> 00:00:45,917
Let me give you the grand tour.

29
00:00:45,917 --> 00:00:47,545
Bathroom, kitchen, who cares?

30
00:00:47,545 --> 00:00:49,967
This is the boulder scene

31
00:00:47,545 --> 00:00:49,967
from Raiders,

32
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,471
with actual rolling boulder.

33
00:00:51,471 --> 00:00:52,806
Ooh.

34
00:00:51,471 --> 00:00:52,806
Yeah.

35
00:00:52,806 --> 00:00:54,643
Adiós, Satipo.

36
00:00:54,643 --> 00:00:56,564
BRITTA & ANNIE: Ah...

37
00:00:54,643 --> 00:00:56,564
Pow.

38
00:00:56,564 --> 00:00:59,487
Pretty cool, huh?

39
00:00:56,564 --> 00:00:59,487
Super cool. And sexy.

40
00:00:59,487 --> 00:01:02,325
Super sexy cool.

41
00:00:59,487 --> 00:01:02,325
Overselling it.

42
00:01:02,325 --> 00:01:04,955
I made pizza.

43
00:01:02,325 --> 00:01:04,955
But we ordered real pizza.

44
00:01:04,955 --> 00:01:08,295
Nothing more real than homemade.

45
00:01:04,955 --> 00:01:08,295
Didn't have some ingredients,

46
00:01:08,295 --> 00:01:10,675
so I used ketchup

47
00:01:08,295 --> 00:01:10,675
and cream cheese.

48
00:01:10,675 --> 00:01:15,602
We ordered real pizza.

49
00:01:10,675 --> 00:01:15,602
Uh, Abed.

50
00:01:15,602 --> 00:01:20,862
Okay. Hey, I got you that.

51
00:01:15,602 --> 00:01:20,862
Hi. Agh. Ha.

52
00:01:20,862 --> 00:01:24,870
Very nice.

53
00:01:24,870 --> 00:01:27,041
Oh, look, Indiana Jones

54
00:01:27,041 --> 00:01:29,337
and the Apartment

55
00:01:27,041 --> 00:01:29,337
of Perpetual Virginity.

56
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:33,763
Chop busted, fellow adult,

57
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:33,763
chop busted.

58
00:01:33,763 --> 00:01:36,268
It's nice. Not mansion

59
00:01:33,763 --> 00:01:36,268
nice, but it's nice.

60
00:01:36,268 --> 00:01:39,065
Didn't you live

61
00:01:36,268 --> 00:01:39,065
in a mansion with me?

62
00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:41,613
This is more

63
00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:41,613
my speed and century.

64
00:01:41,613 --> 00:01:43,575
I've hardly

65
00:01:41,613 --> 00:01:43,575
missed you at all

66
00:01:43,575 --> 00:01:45,787
since I had you removed

67
00:01:43,575 --> 00:01:45,787
from my portraits.

68
00:01:45,787 --> 00:01:48,000
Jeff, check it out.

69
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,423
Serbian rum.

70
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,423
So strong, it is banned there.

71
00:01:51,423 --> 00:01:54,597
Banned in Serbia, Jeff.

72
00:01:51,423 --> 00:01:54,597
Heh, heh.

73
00:01:54,597 --> 00:01:56,433
Let that concept sink in.

74
00:01:56,433 --> 00:01:58,729
You enjoy. I have to leave.

75
00:01:56,433 --> 00:01:58,729
Oh?

76
00:01:58,729 --> 00:02:01,902
Yeah, sorry. I got an invite

77
00:01:58,729 --> 00:02:01,902
to the opening of a new club.

78
00:02:01,902 --> 00:02:04,157
It's like this place

79
00:02:01,902 --> 00:02:04,157
was designed for me.

80
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:06,370
I made that in Photoshop

81
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:06,370
and mailed it to you

82
00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:08,040
so you'd keep tonight open.

83
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,627
There's no such thing

84
00:02:09,627 --> 00:02:12,256
as Single Malt Platinum

85
00:02:09,627 --> 00:02:12,256
Boobs and Billiards Club?

86
00:02:12,256 --> 00:02:13,759
Oh.

87
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,805
I guess I never

88
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,805
said it out loud.

89
00:02:15,805 --> 00:02:17,893
We offer more

90
00:02:15,805 --> 00:02:17,893
than boobs and billiards.

91
00:02:17,893 --> 00:02:20,524
What?

92
00:02:17,893 --> 00:02:20,524
One word, two syllables.

93
00:02:20,524 --> 00:02:21,734
Don't say charades.

94
00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:23,613
Yahtzee!

95
00:02:23,613 --> 00:02:26,326
Is charades off the table?

96
00:02:26,326 --> 00:02:28,121
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST IT WAS HERE"

97
00:02:26,326 --> 00:02:28,121
PLAYING]

98
00:02:53,213 --> 00:02:55,761
Come on. And...

99
00:02:56,929 --> 00:02:59,392
Okay.

100
00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:03,233
Now, "how to play Yahtzee."

101
00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:07,534
Is there nothing from our youth

102
00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:07,534
companies won't repackage?

103
00:03:07,534 --> 00:03:09,455
Call it Yahtzee all you want.

104
00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:11,917
Everybody knows

105
00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:11,917
it's Puerto Rican chess.

106
00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:13,797
[INTERCOM BUZZES

107
00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:13,797
AND ANNIE GASPS]

108
00:03:13,797 --> 00:03:16,384
It's just the pizza.

109
00:03:13,797 --> 00:03:16,384
We can't buzz him up.

110
00:03:16,384 --> 00:03:18,054
Someone has to go down.

111
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:24,233
Starting on my left with one,

112
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:24,233
your number comes up, you go.

113
00:03:24,233 --> 00:03:26,446
You're creating

114
00:03:24,233 --> 00:03:26,446
six different timelines.

115
00:03:26,446 --> 00:03:28,200
Of course I am, Abed.

116
00:03:32,249 --> 00:03:35,549
Two. One, two. Annie.

117
00:03:32,249 --> 00:03:35,549
Okay, fine.

118
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,513
I guess I'm going down.

119
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,513
All this talk of going down.

120
00:03:38,513 --> 00:03:42,061
You guys know I had sex with

121
00:03:38,513 --> 00:03:42,061
Eartha Kitt in an airplane?

122
00:03:42,061 --> 00:03:44,023
Oh!

123
00:03:42,061 --> 00:03:44,023
We're about to eat.

124
00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:47,029
It's not namedropping.

125
00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:47,029
Checking on my pies.

126
00:03:47,029 --> 00:03:49,827
No.

127
00:03:49,827 --> 00:03:53,333
Bathroom?

128
00:03:49,827 --> 00:03:53,333
Yeah, over here.

129
00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:57,341
Uh, guys, what does

130
00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:57,341
a pregnancy test look like?

131
00:03:57,341 --> 00:04:01,266
Plastic with a thing on the end.

132
00:03:57,341 --> 00:04:01,266
So this is definitely a gun.

133
00:04:01,266 --> 00:04:03,688
Whoa! Yeah, put that away.

134
00:04:01,266 --> 00:04:03,688
Oh, my...

135
00:04:03,688 --> 00:04:06,109
Why does Annie have a gun?

136
00:04:03,688 --> 00:04:06,109
That's not a gun.

137
00:04:06,109 --> 00:04:10,033
That's a girl's peashooter.

138
00:04:06,109 --> 00:04:10,033
Here, Troy. Happy housewarming.

139
00:04:10,033 --> 00:04:14,585
What are we gonna do about this?

140
00:04:10,033 --> 00:04:14,585
I'm gonna get a drink.

141
00:04:14,585 --> 00:04:16,379
Ow!

142
00:04:14,585 --> 00:04:16,379
Ha, ha, ha.

143
00:04:16,379 --> 00:04:18,802
What's so funny?

144
00:04:16,379 --> 00:04:18,802
People hitting their heads.

145
00:04:18,802 --> 00:04:20,387
Don't fight over them.

146
00:04:23,059 --> 00:04:25,021
Well, you can fight

147
00:04:23,059 --> 00:04:25,021
a little.

148
00:04:25,021 --> 00:04:27,067
Smells weird.

149
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,782
I beg your pardon?

150
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,782
Smells weird. What did you do?

151
00:04:29,782 --> 00:04:32,663
Abed, you don't ask someone

152
00:04:29,782 --> 00:04:32,663
a question like that.

153
00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:34,917
It's not dignified.

154
00:04:34,917 --> 00:04:36,462
Pizza!

155
00:04:36,462 --> 00:04:40,512
Pizza, pizza, go in tummy

156
00:04:36,462 --> 00:04:40,512
Me so hungy, me so hungy

157
00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:42,641
Pizza guy was super creepy.

158
00:04:42,641 --> 00:04:44,352
So you're saying

159
00:04:42,641 --> 00:04:44,352
he was a pizza guy?

160
00:04:46,899 --> 00:04:48,820
What happened

161
00:04:46,899 --> 00:04:48,820
in the other timelines?

162
00:04:48,820 --> 00:04:51,784
There are

163
00:04:48,820 --> 00:04:51,784
no other timelines.

164
00:04:54,372 --> 00:04:58,338
Starting on my left with one,

165
00:04:54,372 --> 00:04:58,338
your number comes up, you go.

166
00:04:58,338 --> 00:05:00,635
You're creating

167
00:04:58,338 --> 00:05:00,635
six different timelines.

168
00:05:00,635 --> 00:05:02,262
Of course I am, Abed.

169
00:05:06,354 --> 00:05:08,860
Four. One, two, three, four.

170
00:05:06,354 --> 00:05:08,860
Shirley.

171
00:05:08,860 --> 00:05:12,115
Okay, just don't let

172
00:05:08,860 --> 00:05:12,115
my pies burn. Hee-hee.

173
00:05:13,953 --> 00:05:15,832
Remember,

174
00:05:13,953 --> 00:05:15,832
no one eats those pies.

175
00:05:15,832 --> 00:05:19,338
Come on, let's just talk to her.

176
00:05:15,832 --> 00:05:19,338
We tried, but she ignored us.

177
00:05:19,338 --> 00:05:21,051
The woman has a baking problem.

178
00:05:21,051 --> 00:05:23,932
I don't like being the bad guy

179
00:05:21,051 --> 00:05:23,932
anymore than anybody else...

180
00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:26,269
No.

181
00:05:26,269 --> 00:05:29,985
Bathroom?

182
00:05:26,269 --> 00:05:29,985
Yeah, over here.

183
00:05:29,985 --> 00:05:33,451
We have a pact.

184
00:05:29,985 --> 00:05:33,451
We do not enable her baking.

185
00:05:33,451 --> 00:05:35,412
It's better for her

186
00:05:33,451 --> 00:05:35,412
in the long run.

187
00:05:35,412 --> 00:05:37,500
Know who got it in the long run?

188
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,590
Eartha Kitt when I nailed her

189
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,590
in the airplane bathroom.

190
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:43,888
Ew, Pierce.

191
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:43,888
What? Came up organically.

192
00:05:43,888 --> 00:05:46,309
Here, Troy. Happy housewarming.

193
00:05:46,309 --> 00:05:47,938
Oh.

194
00:05:47,938 --> 00:05:50,860
Cool. Thanks, Pierce.

195
00:05:50,860 --> 00:05:52,656
Whoa!

196
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:56,831
What is it?

197
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:56,831
What? It's a Norwegian troll.

198
00:05:56,831 --> 00:05:59,628
When Troy and I were living

199
00:05:56,831 --> 00:05:59,628
together, I had it on display

200
00:05:59,628 --> 00:06:03,719
in the hall outside his bedroom.

201
00:05:59,628 --> 00:06:03,719
He seemed very taken with it.

202
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:08,020
It used to watch me sleep!

203
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:08,020
Pierce, shame on you.

204
00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:10,900
Jeff, what are you gonna do?

205
00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:10,900
Get a drink.

206
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,529
Ow!

207
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,529
Ha, ha, ha.

208
00:06:12,529 --> 00:06:14,574
Oh, my God. Are you okay?

209
00:06:12,529 --> 00:06:14,574
Barely felt it.

210
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:18,289
Let me look at it.

211
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:18,289
It's not dignified.

212
00:06:18,289 --> 00:06:19,543
Pizza!

213
00:06:19,543 --> 00:06:21,797
Pizza, pizza, in my tummy

214
00:06:21,797 --> 00:06:23,676
Me so hungy, me so hungy

215
00:06:23,676 --> 00:06:26,932
Did someone remember

216
00:06:23,676 --> 00:06:26,932
to take out my pies?

217
00:06:27,893 --> 00:06:29,980
Seriously? Oh!

218
00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:32,986
Oh!

219
00:06:32,986 --> 00:06:34,740
Oh, no.

220
00:06:36,034 --> 00:06:38,748
Seriously?

221
00:06:36,034 --> 00:06:38,748
Shirley, it doesn't matter.

222
00:06:38,748 --> 00:06:40,291
We weren't gonna eat them.

223
00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:43,006
You're not allowed to have

224
00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:43,006
baking as an identity.

225
00:06:43,006 --> 00:06:45,385
Excuse me for being

226
00:06:43,006 --> 00:06:45,385
the only married woman

227
00:06:45,385 --> 00:06:49,603
in a group of horny toads making

228
00:06:45,385 --> 00:06:49,603
googly eyes at each other.

229
00:06:49,603 --> 00:06:50,939
Googly eyes?

230
00:06:49,603 --> 00:06:50,939
Googly eyes?

231
00:06:54,863 --> 00:06:56,281
Oh!

232
00:06:56,281 --> 00:06:57,994
Shirley, it's okay.

233
00:06:57,994 --> 00:07:01,251
Nobody makes googly eyes

234
00:06:57,994 --> 00:07:01,251
at me either. We're the same.

235
00:07:03,046 --> 00:07:05,217
Oh, Shirley. Shirley.

236
00:07:07,054 --> 00:07:08,724
Adiós, Satipo.

237
00:07:10,979 --> 00:07:14,152
Why is she upset? Her pies

238
00:07:10,979 --> 00:07:14,152
didn't burn in other timelines.

239
00:07:14,152 --> 00:07:16,156
Shirley just had

240
00:07:14,152 --> 00:07:16,156
a nervous breakdown.

241
00:07:16,156 --> 00:07:18,535
More like a nervous...

242
00:07:16,156 --> 00:07:18,535
Bake-down, I know.

243
00:07:18,535 --> 00:07:21,834
I didn't say it on purpose.

244
00:07:18,535 --> 00:07:21,834
There are no other timelines.

245
00:07:24,172 --> 00:07:28,054
Starting on my left with one,

246
00:07:24,172 --> 00:07:28,054
your number comes up, you go.

247
00:07:28,054 --> 00:07:30,350
You're creating

248
00:07:28,054 --> 00:07:30,350
six different timelines.

249
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,229
Of course I am, Abed.

250
00:07:39,035 --> 00:07:42,458
Three. One, two, three. Pierce.

251
00:07:39,035 --> 00:07:42,458
Crap.

252
00:07:43,961 --> 00:07:46,423
Speaking of crap,

253
00:07:43,961 --> 00:07:46,423
I was taking one in an airplane

254
00:07:46,423 --> 00:07:48,427
when Eartha Kitt

255
00:07:46,423 --> 00:07:48,427
decided to bang me.

256
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,933
Oh!

257
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,933
What? It's where my mind went.

258
00:07:50,933 --> 00:07:52,687
Your mind went years ago.

259
00:07:55,568 --> 00:07:58,114
Ugh. I'm gonna check on my pies.

260
00:07:58,114 --> 00:08:00,327
No.

261
00:08:01,329 --> 00:08:03,500
Bathroom?

262
00:08:01,329 --> 00:08:03,500
Yeah, over here.

263
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:07,884
I love your place, Troy.

264
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:07,884
You're all grown up now.

265
00:08:07,884 --> 00:08:11,516
I can't believe those are real

266
00:08:07,884 --> 00:08:11,516
mahogany bunk beds in there.

267
00:08:11,516 --> 00:08:14,021
I bet that cost you

268
00:08:11,516 --> 00:08:14,021
a few allowances.

269
00:08:14,021 --> 00:08:15,399
Hm. All right.

270
00:08:15,399 --> 00:08:17,820
Aw. Troy.

271
00:08:15,399 --> 00:08:17,820
Oh. Now we done it.

272
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:21,703
Britta's in the ba...

273
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:21,703
Adiós, Satipo.

274
00:08:25,836 --> 00:08:27,715
Who is it?

275
00:08:25,836 --> 00:08:27,715
Troy.

276
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:31,097
I'm washing my hands.

277
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:31,097
Good, then I can come in.

278
00:08:31,097 --> 00:08:33,602
Oh, hi! Um...

279
00:08:33,602 --> 00:08:37,109
Uh, ahem.

280
00:08:33,602 --> 00:08:37,109
I was smoking a cigarette.

281
00:08:37,109 --> 00:08:38,695
I know what you were doing.

282
00:08:38,695 --> 00:08:41,994
I'm 21 years old. I'm a man.

283
00:08:41,994 --> 00:08:44,373
Oh, okay, here.

284
00:08:48,173 --> 00:08:51,053
I know that.

285
00:08:48,173 --> 00:08:51,053
We all know that.

286
00:08:51,053 --> 00:08:54,143
Then why is Jeff

287
00:08:51,053 --> 00:08:54,143
always picking on me?

288
00:08:54,143 --> 00:08:56,272
You seem to be a little

289
00:08:54,143 --> 00:08:56,272
hard on Troy.

290
00:08:56,272 --> 00:08:57,650
I'm gonna get a drink.

291
00:08:57,650 --> 00:08:59,946
Ow!

292
00:08:57,650 --> 00:08:59,946
Oh, my God. Are you okay?

293
00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:02,117
Barely felt it.

294
00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:02,117
Let me look in the bathroom.

295
00:09:02,117 --> 00:09:05,374
Britta's in the bathroom.

296
00:09:02,117 --> 00:09:05,374
Oh, um...

297
00:09:07,586 --> 00:09:10,050
Oh, no, what happened?

298
00:09:07,586 --> 00:09:10,050
Minor head wound.

299
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,847
If there's an abrasion,

300
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,847
we'll clean it and apply ice.

301
00:09:12,847 --> 00:09:14,642
You make a good nurse.

302
00:09:12,847 --> 00:09:14,642
Thanks.

303
00:09:14,642 --> 00:09:17,147
Dr. Shirley says

304
00:09:14,642 --> 00:09:17,147
mini pies are the best medicine.

305
00:09:17,147 --> 00:09:19,861
Then I'd like to see her degree.

306
00:09:19,861 --> 00:09:22,324
He's butting antlers

307
00:09:19,861 --> 00:09:22,324
because you're a threat.

308
00:09:22,324 --> 00:09:25,163
You've got your own place,

309
00:09:22,324 --> 00:09:25,163
you've got a future,

310
00:09:25,163 --> 00:09:28,336
you've got a bowl full of olives

311
00:09:25,163 --> 00:09:28,336
next to the toilet.

312
00:09:28,336 --> 00:09:30,632
It's a fancy party, Britta.

313
00:09:30,632 --> 00:09:33,179
You know what Jeff has

314
00:09:30,632 --> 00:09:33,179
in his bathroom?

315
00:09:33,179 --> 00:09:37,646
Neither do I. He keeps

316
00:09:33,179 --> 00:09:37,646
his toiletries in a safe.

317
00:09:37,646 --> 00:09:41,530
His whole personality is based

318
00:09:37,646 --> 00:09:41,530
around guarding himself.

319
00:09:41,530 --> 00:09:44,911
You don't have to be

320
00:09:41,530 --> 00:09:44,911
like that to be a man.

321
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:49,044
You're really cool, Britta.

322
00:09:49,044 --> 00:09:51,508
Pizza guys are getting

323
00:09:49,044 --> 00:09:51,508
worse and worse looking.

324
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:54,179
Guess all the good ones

325
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:54,179
went into porn.

326
00:09:54,179 --> 00:09:56,392
Ceiling fan.

327
00:09:54,179 --> 00:09:56,392
I miss all the fun.

328
00:09:56,392 --> 00:09:58,688
What happened

329
00:09:56,392 --> 00:09:58,688
in the other timelines?

330
00:09:58,688 --> 00:10:00,859
Who cares?

331
00:09:58,688 --> 00:10:00,859
Who cares?

332
00:10:06,913 --> 00:10:10,879
Starting on my left with one,

333
00:10:06,913 --> 00:10:10,879
your number comes up, you go.

334
00:10:10,879 --> 00:10:13,176
You're creating

335
00:10:10,879 --> 00:10:13,176
six different timelines.

336
00:10:13,176 --> 00:10:14,720
Of course I am, Abed.

337
00:10:18,770 --> 00:10:21,192
Six. One, two, three, four,

338
00:10:18,770 --> 00:10:21,192
five, six.

339
00:10:21,192 --> 00:10:22,570
Britta.

340
00:10:21,192 --> 00:10:22,570
Great.

341
00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:25,909
Great. You know what's great?

342
00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:25,909
Air travel.

343
00:10:25,909 --> 00:10:28,790
I've flown a lot,

344
00:10:25,909 --> 00:10:28,790
a lot of airplane stories.

345
00:10:28,790 --> 00:10:32,297
Once had sex with Eartha Kitt...

346
00:10:28,790 --> 00:10:32,297
I'm gonna check on my pies.

347
00:10:36,430 --> 00:10:38,686
Hm. Hey.

348
00:10:38,686 --> 00:10:41,190
You guys are my best...

349
00:10:38,686 --> 00:10:41,190
I'm gonna get a drink.

350
00:10:41,190 --> 00:10:42,902
Ow!

351
00:10:41,190 --> 00:10:42,902
Ha, ha, ha.

352
00:10:42,902 --> 00:10:44,822
Oh, my God. Are you okay?

353
00:10:42,902 --> 00:10:44,822
Ha, ha, ha!

354
00:10:44,822 --> 00:10:47,620
Barely felt it.

355
00:10:44,822 --> 00:10:47,620
Let me look in the bathroom.

356
00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:51,961
Refill the toilet olives?

357
00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:51,961
We're good. I checked.

358
00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:55,385
You're the best.

359
00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:55,385
Wanna stay up all night talking?

360
00:10:55,385 --> 00:10:57,890
Here, Troy. Happy housewarming.

361
00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:01,523
Oh, cool. Thanks, Pierce.

362
00:11:01,523 --> 00:11:04,696
You make a good nurse, Annie.

363
00:11:01,523 --> 00:11:04,696
Thank you.

364
00:11:04,696 --> 00:11:07,577
I actually had to apply

365
00:11:04,696 --> 00:11:07,577
a tourniquet the other day.

366
00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:09,748
A guy got stabbed

367
00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:09,748
outside my building.

368
00:11:09,748 --> 00:11:12,545
What? You gotta get the hell

369
00:11:09,748 --> 00:11:12,545
out of that apartment.

370
00:11:12,545 --> 00:11:15,174
You don't have to treat me

371
00:11:12,545 --> 00:11:15,174
like a kid anymore.

372
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:19,224
Yeah, but adults

373
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:19,224
still need to be protected.

374
00:11:19,224 --> 00:11:22,063
I can't help but worry

375
00:11:19,224 --> 00:11:22,063
about you, Annie.

376
00:11:22,063 --> 00:11:23,692
You're important to me.

377
00:11:26,657 --> 00:11:30,204
Aah! Stop!

378
00:11:26,657 --> 00:11:30,204
Feel the terror!

379
00:11:30,204 --> 00:11:32,960
Feel the terror

380
00:11:30,204 --> 00:11:32,960
of the Norwegian troll!

381
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,800
What's going on?

382
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,800
Pierce is terrorizing Troy.

383
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,346
He's jealous we moved in.

384
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,346
You're jealous.

385
00:11:38,346 --> 00:11:41,645
Why would I be jealous?

386
00:11:38,346 --> 00:11:41,645
Because you're lonely and crazy.

387
00:11:47,113 --> 00:11:50,328
Hey, guys, this is Toby,

388
00:11:47,113 --> 00:11:50,328
our pizza delivery guy.

389
00:11:50,328 --> 00:11:52,123
I know this is gonna sound nuts,

390
00:11:52,123 --> 00:11:55,673
but we're in love

391
00:11:52,123 --> 00:11:55,673
and we're getting married.

392
00:12:01,727 --> 00:12:04,105
What happened

393
00:12:01,727 --> 00:12:04,105
in the other timelines?

394
00:12:04,105 --> 00:12:07,739
Wait, there are

395
00:12:04,105 --> 00:12:07,739
other timelines?

396
00:12:09,701 --> 00:12:13,709
Starting on my left with one,

397
00:12:09,701 --> 00:12:13,709
your number comes up, you go.

398
00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:16,004
You're creating

399
00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:16,004
six different timelines.

400
00:12:16,004 --> 00:12:17,633
Of course I am, Abed.

401
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,936
One. Troy.

402
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,936
Ugh. Damn it.

403
00:12:23,936 --> 00:12:27,068
I'm gonna go as fast as I can

404
00:12:23,936 --> 00:12:27,068
so I don't miss anything.

405
00:12:27,068 --> 00:12:29,406
['ROXANNE" PLAYS

406
00:12:27,068 --> 00:12:29,406
OVER SPEAKERS]

407
00:12:29,406 --> 00:12:33,330
You know who I used to call

408
00:12:29,406 --> 00:12:33,330
Miss Anything? Eartha Kitt.

409
00:12:34,584 --> 00:12:36,420
What? He totally set me up.

410
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:38,550
I'm checking on my pies.

411
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,888
No.

412
00:12:40,888 --> 00:12:44,060
Bathroom?

413
00:12:40,888 --> 00:12:44,060
Yeah, over here.

414
00:12:44,060 --> 00:12:47,233
Jeff, tell us about your father.

415
00:12:44,060 --> 00:12:47,233
I'm gonna get a drink.

416
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:49,489
Ow!

417
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:49,489
Oh, my God. Are you okay?

418
00:12:49,489 --> 00:12:53,329
Barely felt it.

419
00:12:49,489 --> 00:12:53,329
Let me look in the bathroom.

420
00:12:55,124 --> 00:12:57,378
Oh!

421
00:13:00,469 --> 00:13:02,096
What the hell?

422
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,980
No!

423
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,980
Aah!

424
00:13:05,980 --> 00:13:09,361
Call 911.

425
00:13:05,980 --> 00:13:09,361
Abed, help me stop the bleeding!

426
00:13:11,908 --> 00:13:13,704
I'm dying.

427
00:13:13,704 --> 00:13:15,749
I am dying.

428
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:22,722
Water. Water. Water!

429
00:13:29,234 --> 00:13:30,779
Breathe, Pierce.

430
00:13:32,575 --> 00:13:35,706
You.

431
00:13:35,706 --> 00:13:39,839
No!

432
00:13:41,801 --> 00:13:45,809
Starting on my left with one,

433
00:13:41,801 --> 00:13:45,809
your number comes up, you go.

434
00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:48,104
You're creating

435
00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:48,104
six different timelines.

436
00:13:48,104 --> 00:13:49,984
Of course I am, Abed.

437
00:13:56,288 --> 00:13:58,417
Five.

438
00:13:56,288 --> 00:13:58,417
One, two, three, four, five.

439
00:13:58,417 --> 00:14:00,421
Abed.

440
00:13:58,417 --> 00:14:00,421
I'm on it.

441
00:14:00,421 --> 00:14:03,218
Know who else was on it?

442
00:14:00,421 --> 00:14:03,218
And do you know what it is?

443
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,889
Everybody give me money.

444
00:14:04,889 --> 00:14:08,020
Wow, that ascot really

445
00:14:04,889 --> 00:14:08,020
softens your personality.

446
00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:10,399
I banged Eartha Kitt.

447
00:14:10,399 --> 00:14:11,987
['ROXANNE" PLAYS

448
00:14:10,399 --> 00:14:11,987
OVER SPEAKERS]

449
00:14:11,987 --> 00:14:14,700
No.

450
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,454
Bathroom?

451
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,454
Down the hall.

452
00:14:20,545 --> 00:14:21,965
I'm getting a drink.

453
00:14:21,965 --> 00:14:24,011
Ow!

454
00:14:21,965 --> 00:14:24,011
Oh, my God. Are you okay?

455
00:14:24,011 --> 00:14:26,348
Barely felt it.

456
00:14:24,011 --> 00:14:26,348
Let me look in the bathroom.

457
00:14:26,348 --> 00:14:29,647
Britta's in the bathroom.

458
00:14:26,348 --> 00:14:29,647
Oh, um...

459
00:14:32,068 --> 00:14:34,573
Oh, no, what happened?

460
00:14:32,068 --> 00:14:34,573
Minor head wound.

461
00:14:36,536 --> 00:14:39,124
Oh, my God.

462
00:14:36,536 --> 00:14:39,124
What smells amazing?

463
00:14:39,124 --> 00:14:41,419
Oh, someone wants pie!

464
00:14:41,419 --> 00:14:43,007
You make a good nurse.

465
00:14:45,512 --> 00:14:48,184
Oh, my God.

466
00:14:48,184 --> 00:14:50,564
They taste just like

467
00:14:48,184 --> 00:14:50,564
regular-size pies.

468
00:14:50,564 --> 00:14:53,695
Oh, yay!

469
00:14:50,564 --> 00:14:53,695
Happy housewarming.

470
00:14:53,695 --> 00:14:57,284
Oh, cool. Thanks, Pierce.

471
00:14:57,284 --> 00:15:00,416
I just wanted to say thanks

472
00:14:57,284 --> 00:15:00,416
for letting me live with you.

473
00:15:00,416 --> 00:15:04,675
I feel like making desserts

474
00:15:00,416 --> 00:15:04,675
is the only thing I'm good for.

475
00:15:04,675 --> 00:15:08,808
But now it's time to try and

476
00:15:04,675 --> 00:15:08,808
make it on my own, like you did.

477
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:11,312
I can't help

478
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:11,312
but worry about you.

479
00:15:11,312 --> 00:15:14,152
Don't open this.

480
00:15:11,312 --> 00:15:14,152
No... What?

481
00:15:14,152 --> 00:15:15,822
You're very important to me.

482
00:15:15,822 --> 00:15:18,912
Crap. I was not supposed

483
00:15:15,822 --> 00:15:18,912
to eat your stuff.

484
00:15:18,912 --> 00:15:22,085
We made an agreement. Crap.

485
00:15:18,912 --> 00:15:22,085
I was not supposed to say that.

486
00:15:22,085 --> 00:15:25,007
Crap. Okay, cards on the table.

487
00:15:22,085 --> 00:15:25,007
I'm really high right now.

488
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,178
Oh.

489
00:15:27,178 --> 00:15:29,767
Give me...

490
00:15:27,178 --> 00:15:29,767
I'll give you something else.

491
00:15:29,767 --> 00:15:32,606
A Waterpik. A speedboat.

492
00:15:29,767 --> 00:15:32,606
Two Waterpiks.

493
00:15:32,606 --> 00:15:35,862
I can't believe I'm feeding

494
00:15:32,606 --> 00:15:35,862
my pies to a drug addict.

495
00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:37,992
Drug addict?

496
00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:37,992
You're a pie pusher.

497
00:15:37,992 --> 00:15:40,580
You push pies to get love.

498
00:15:40,580 --> 00:15:43,711
Give it, Pierce! It feels fun!

499
00:15:40,580 --> 00:15:43,711
Stop it.

500
00:15:43,711 --> 00:15:48,596
I'm sorry, I just had

501
00:15:43,711 --> 00:15:48,596
a weird déja vu.

502
00:15:48,596 --> 00:15:50,057
You're bad at gift-giving!

503
00:15:50,057 --> 00:15:52,061
What you said about

504
00:15:50,057 --> 00:15:52,061
worrying about me,

505
00:15:52,061 --> 00:15:54,149
it's something

506
00:15:52,061 --> 00:15:54,149
my dad always said.

507
00:15:54,149 --> 00:15:58,032
I demand to be housewarmed!

508
00:15:54,149 --> 00:15:58,032
Shouldn't have brought it up.

509
00:15:58,032 --> 00:16:00,244
Just reminded me of my dad.

510
00:16:00,244 --> 00:16:02,833
Anyway...

511
00:16:00,244 --> 00:16:02,833
A little Make Out 101.

512
00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:06,757
Less dad talk. And ease up

513
00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:06,757
on the bubblegum lip gloss.

514
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:09,471
No, I really...

515
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:09,471
No, you...

516
00:16:13,395 --> 00:16:14,815
Pizza time.

517
00:16:13,395 --> 00:16:14,815
Give me this,

518
00:16:14,815 --> 00:16:16,736
you godless hippie skank!

519
00:16:16,736 --> 00:16:20,952
You're a sick, sad old man

520
00:16:16,736 --> 00:16:20,952
and I hope you die alone.

521
00:16:20,952 --> 00:16:22,455
Yeah.

522
00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:28,551
I wonder what happened

523
00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:28,551
in all those other timelines.

524
00:16:31,933 --> 00:16:35,147
I hope this is the real one.

525
00:16:31,933 --> 00:16:35,147
I found a nickel in the hallway.

526
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:44,625
Starting on my left with one,

527
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:44,625
your number comes up, you go.

528
00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,921
You're creating

529
00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,921
six different timelines.

530
00:16:46,921 --> 00:16:48,633
Of course I am, Abed.

531
00:16:53,810 --> 00:16:55,271
I don't think you should.

532
00:16:55,271 --> 00:16:58,444
Chaos already dominates

533
00:16:55,271 --> 00:16:58,444
our lives.

534
00:16:58,444 --> 00:17:00,657
The universe

535
00:16:58,444 --> 00:17:00,657
is a sea of randomness.

536
00:17:00,657 --> 00:17:03,579
Our job isn't to fight it,

537
00:17:00,657 --> 00:17:03,579
but to weather it together

538
00:17:03,579 --> 00:17:05,708
on the raft of life.

539
00:17:03,579 --> 00:17:05,708
A raft held together

540
00:17:05,708 --> 00:17:07,963
by those few rare

541
00:17:05,708 --> 00:17:07,963
beautiful things

542
00:17:07,963 --> 00:17:10,718
that we know to be predictable.

543
00:17:07,963 --> 00:17:10,718
Ropes? Vines.

544
00:17:10,718 --> 00:17:12,597
Vines? Let him finish!

545
00:17:12,597 --> 00:17:15,603
Us. It won't matter

546
00:17:12,597 --> 00:17:15,603
what happens to us

547
00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:18,734
as long as we accept

548
00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:18,734
each other's flaws and virtues.

549
00:17:18,734 --> 00:17:20,947
Annie will be driven.

550
00:17:18,734 --> 00:17:20,947
Shirley will be giving.

551
00:17:20,947 --> 00:17:24,245
Pierce won't apologize.

552
00:17:20,947 --> 00:17:24,245
Britta's sort of a wild card.

553
00:17:24,245 --> 00:17:27,251
Jeff will remain

554
00:17:24,245 --> 00:17:27,251
a conniving son of a bitch.

555
00:17:27,251 --> 00:17:29,130
Abed!

556
00:17:27,251 --> 00:17:29,130
Six sides to this die

557
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:31,176
and seven of us.

558
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:31,176
He devised a system

559
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:33,138
by which he never

560
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:33,138
gets the pizza.

561
00:17:33,138 --> 00:17:36,395
You crafty jackrabbit.

562
00:17:33,138 --> 00:17:36,395
Really? Dang, man.

563
00:17:36,395 --> 00:17:37,814
Pretty low, dude.

564
00:17:37,814 --> 00:17:41,655
It's called friendship.

565
00:17:37,814 --> 00:17:41,655
Look it up. Encarta it.

566
00:17:41,655 --> 00:17:43,868
I think we just found

567
00:17:41,655 --> 00:17:43,868
our pizza-getter.

568
00:17:43,868 --> 00:17:45,621
Yes, Jeffrey.

569
00:17:43,868 --> 00:17:45,621
We did.

570
00:17:46,957 --> 00:17:48,586
Oh, like it matters who goes.

571
00:17:49,755 --> 00:17:53,429
What's so funny?

572
00:17:49,755 --> 00:17:53,429
Karma.

573
00:17:53,429 --> 00:17:56,561
That guy sucks harder than the

574
00:17:53,429 --> 00:17:56,561
toilet in an airplane bathroom.

575
00:17:56,561 --> 00:17:59,483
Airplane bathroom...

576
00:17:56,561 --> 00:17:59,483
Oh, my pies.

577
00:17:59,483 --> 00:18:02,822
Oh!

578
00:18:02,822 --> 00:18:06,204
BRITTA & SHIRLEY:

579
00:18:14,053 --> 00:18:15,723
Sing, girls!

580
00:18:15,723 --> 00:18:18,521
I really love your place.

581
00:18:15,723 --> 00:18:18,521
You should move here.

582
00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:26,662
Come on, Troy.

583
00:18:36,222 --> 00:18:39,563
You guys see what happens

584
00:18:36,222 --> 00:18:39,563
when I leave you alone, huh?

585
00:18:49,749 --> 00:18:51,294
Go, Troy!

586
00:18:59,435 --> 00:19:02,942
To Pierce.

587
00:18:59,435 --> 00:19:02,942
May he rest in Pierce.

588
00:19:04,946 --> 00:19:06,909
Don't you think

589
00:19:04,946 --> 00:19:06,909
you've had enough?

590
00:19:06,909 --> 00:19:08,996
Of you.

591
00:19:08,996 --> 00:19:12,044
I've been thinking about

592
00:19:08,996 --> 00:19:12,044
that night. One thing is clear.

593
00:19:12,044 --> 00:19:14,298
This is the darkest,

594
00:19:12,044 --> 00:19:14,298
most terrible timeline.

595
00:19:14,298 --> 00:19:16,970
Enough with

596
00:19:14,298 --> 00:19:16,970
the timeline crap, Abed!

597
00:19:16,970 --> 00:19:20,436
Pierce got shot in the leg

598
00:19:16,970 --> 00:19:20,436
and died. Shirley's a drunk.

599
00:19:20,436 --> 00:19:22,482
Annie's locked in a mental ward

600
00:19:22,482 --> 00:19:24,486
because her guilt

601
00:19:22,482 --> 00:19:24,486
drove her insane.

602
00:19:24,486 --> 00:19:26,616
Jeff lost an arm in the fire.

603
00:19:26,616 --> 00:19:29,955
Troy lost his larynx because

604
00:19:26,616 --> 00:19:29,955
for some dumb reason,

605
00:19:29,955 --> 00:19:33,044
he tried to destroy a flaming

606
00:19:29,955 --> 00:19:33,044
troll doll by eating it.

607
00:19:33,044 --> 00:19:36,301
You don't understand

608
00:19:33,044 --> 00:19:36,301
anything about trolls.

609
00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:39,223
Life has gone

610
00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:39,223
to hell, Abed.

611
00:19:39,223 --> 00:19:42,146
This is real.

612
00:19:39,223 --> 00:19:42,146
Look at us. Look at me!

613
00:19:42,146 --> 00:19:45,402
Britta, you put one wash-away

614
00:19:42,146 --> 00:19:45,402
blue streak in your hair,

615
00:19:45,402 --> 00:19:47,323
and I lost an arm.

616
00:19:47,323 --> 00:19:50,622
Exactly. Life got dark.

617
00:19:47,323 --> 00:19:50,622
All because Jeff rolled a one.

618
00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:53,670
I love how this is my fault.

619
00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:53,670
It's mine.

620
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:56,717
I've run through that night.

621
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:56,717
I come back to one thought:

622
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,430
I should've caught the die

623
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,430
and not let you roll it.

624
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,644
I failed to do that

625
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,644
and we all suffered.

626
00:20:01,644 --> 00:20:03,606
But I'm gonna make it up to you.

627
00:20:05,317 --> 00:20:07,823
What is this?

628
00:20:05,317 --> 00:20:07,823
This is the darkest timeline.

629
00:20:07,823 --> 00:20:11,580
I propose we commit to evil.

630
00:20:07,823 --> 00:20:11,580
I made goatees out of felt.

631
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:15,463
Put them on until

632
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:15,463
you're able to grow your own.

633
00:20:15,463 --> 00:20:17,509
From now on, I am evil Abed.

634
00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:20,807
We're the evil study group

635
00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:20,807
and we have but one evil goal:

636
00:20:20,807 --> 00:20:22,351
Return to the timeline

637
00:20:22,351 --> 00:20:24,481
that I stopped you

638
00:20:22,351 --> 00:20:24,481
from rolling that die.

639
00:20:24,481 --> 00:20:28,865
Destroy the good versions of

640
00:20:24,481 --> 00:20:28,865
ourselves and reclaim our lives.

641
00:20:28,865 --> 00:20:31,077
Evil Abed, as evil Jeff,

642
00:20:31,077 --> 00:20:33,289
am I allowed to pull

643
00:20:31,077 --> 00:20:33,289
fewer punches with you?

644
00:20:33,289 --> 00:20:35,210
Certainly.

645
00:20:33,289 --> 00:20:35,210
I hate you!

646
00:20:35,210 --> 00:20:36,839
Shut up with your sci-fi crap!

647
00:20:36,839 --> 00:20:41,138
I lost my damn arm,

648
00:20:36,839 --> 00:20:41,138
and you're making fake beards!

649
00:20:41,138 --> 00:20:42,975
Goatees.

650
00:21:00,845 --> 00:21:03,643
Those Blorgons

651
00:21:00,845 --> 00:21:03,643
peppered our biscuits.

652
00:21:03,643 --> 00:21:06,774
What's wrong?

653
00:21:03,643 --> 00:21:06,774
I don't know.

654
00:21:06,774 --> 00:21:08,861
we got out just in space.

655
00:21:08,861 --> 00:21:11,742
I certainly walked

656
00:21:08,861 --> 00:21:11,742
right into that one.

657
00:21:11,742 --> 00:21:13,244
I guess nothing.