1
00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:06,347
Damn it!

2
00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:10,384
Put the teethy wrench on the
square thing and jiggle it left.

3
00:00:17,742 --> 00:00:20,860
Thanks... by the way, that
square thing is a Hampton bolt

4
00:00:20,894 --> 00:00:22,530
and what you just described
is a manacheck maneuver.

5
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:25,098
Hey, I'm just here
for the tater tots.

6
00:00:26,951 --> 00:00:30,170
Look, I know you think you
made your mind up about plumbing

7
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:31,771
and I respect that.

8
00:00:31,806 --> 00:00:33,441
But come to the third floor
men's room tomorrow

9
00:00:33,475 --> 00:00:34,674
any time after 3:00.

10
00:00:34,709 --> 00:00:36,009
Unclog one toilet with me

11
00:00:36,043 --> 00:00:37,711
and tell me
you don't feel something.

12
00:00:37,745 --> 00:00:39,679
And I'll never
bring it up again.

13
00:00:39,714 --> 00:00:41,630
All right... One toilet.

14
00:00:41,681 --> 00:00:43,466
If it will get you off my back.

15
00:00:44,918 --> 00:00:45,885
Abed, look.

16
00:00:45,919 --> 00:00:48,471
Cool, Stonehenge.

17
00:00:48,522 --> 00:00:51,924
Excuse me, are you Pierce
Hawthorne of Hawthorne Wipes?

18
00:00:51,958 --> 00:00:53,426
At your cervix.

19
00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:55,395
Oh, sorry, I thought
you were a lady.

20
00:00:55,429 --> 00:00:57,062
You can use that
cervix line if you want.

21
00:00:57,096 --> 00:00:58,313
I told you it was him.

22
00:00:58,366 --> 00:00:59,932
Would you mind signing this?

23
00:00:59,966 --> 00:01:01,233
He's a big fan.

24
00:01:04,637 --> 00:01:08,040
Okay, Randall, power down.

25
00:01:10,043 --> 00:01:11,210
What was that about?

26
00:01:11,244 --> 00:01:12,995
Fans of the product, I suppose.

27
00:01:13,046 --> 00:01:15,047
In the wipes business
we call them towel-heads.

28
00:01:15,081 --> 00:01:17,282
I'm just impressed you got
through a whole conversation

29
00:01:17,317 --> 00:01:19,584
with two gay men
without doing this.

30
00:01:19,618 --> 00:01:21,453
Wait... Those guys were—

31
00:01:21,471 --> 00:01:22,720
Mm-hmm.

32
00:01:22,755 --> 00:01:24,622
I assumed they were just
brothers or wealthy.

33
00:01:24,656 --> 00:01:26,340
Why do you think they
wanted your autograph?

34
00:01:26,393 --> 00:01:27,341
This might be why.

35
00:01:44,975 --> 00:01:46,360
Oh, my God, Pierce,

36
00:01:46,412 --> 00:01:48,279
your moist towelettes
are a gay icon.

37
00:01:48,313 --> 00:01:50,947
What do Hawthorne wipes have
to do with the choice to be gay?

38
00:01:50,982 --> 00:01:53,049
Well, according to Wikipedia—

39
00:01:55,369 --> 00:01:57,954
Oh, my... Even Bruce Vilanch?

40
00:01:57,989 --> 00:01:59,256
Especially Bruce Vilanch.

41
00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:02,826
That is copyright infringement
and defamation.

42
00:02:02,844 --> 00:02:04,327
I'm going to sue
the pants off that lady.

43
00:02:04,362 --> 00:02:06,046
- I don't think that's a lady.
- And why do you

44
00:02:06,097 --> 00:02:07,630
want his pants off?
Shut up!

45
00:02:07,664 --> 00:02:09,732
I only wanted his pants off
when I thought he was a lady.

46
00:02:09,766 --> 00:02:10,733
So you were attracted to him?

47
00:02:10,767 --> 00:02:12,469
The only thing I'm attracted to

48
00:02:12,502 --> 00:02:15,671
is taking him to court
and eating his ass alive.

49
00:02:15,689 --> 00:02:17,056
- Ooh!
- That's not what I meant.

50
00:02:17,107 --> 00:02:18,891
Stop putting gay things
in my mouth.

51
00:02:25,715 --> 00:02:35,705
Sync by mczolly
Corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

52
00:02:52,474 --> 00:02:55,109
I hope Pierce doesn't really
sue that lady-man singer.

53
00:02:55,144 --> 00:02:56,344
His life must be hard enough

54
00:02:56,378 --> 00:02:58,179
having to sew pouches
in all his miniskirts.

55
00:02:58,214 --> 00:02:59,814
Yes, I'm always
nice to the gays.

56
00:02:59,849 --> 00:03:01,416
They may live
in defiance of God,

57
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,184
but I'd die before
I let a woman touch my hair.

58
00:03:03,219 --> 00:03:04,501
Gay-oh!

59
00:03:04,536 --> 00:03:06,321
Hey, what's
going on with you bitches?

60
00:03:06,355 --> 00:03:09,723
Bitches is gay talk for friends.

61
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,260
Did you sue Urbana
Champaign for his t-shirt?

62
00:03:12,294 --> 00:03:14,995
Not at all, I bought this.
I'm a fan.

63
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:16,713
Also,
I'm a gay rights advocate.

64
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,232
I think I can explain.

65
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,634
Pierce's positrons have been
negatized, creating anti-Pierce.

66
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,052
It happens all the time
inspector spacetime.

67
00:03:22,103 --> 00:03:24,371
Yeah, but anti-inspector
had a funny mustache

68
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:26,073
and was kinda rapey.

69
00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:28,308
I don't think his positrons
have been negatized.

70
00:03:28,343 --> 00:03:29,709
That's exactly what
Constable Reggie said.

71
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,578
No, I thought about it,
and I decided a man

72
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:35,932
should not be judged by what he
does with a fellow man's butt.

73
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:38,184
- Here's the kick.
- Plus since that song came out,

74
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:40,404
Hawthorne Wipes sales
went up 7%.

75
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:42,572
- And it's good.
- Yep, even had my own people

76
00:03:42,606 --> 00:03:45,825
mock up a design
for a new product line.

77
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,326
Hawthorne Pride Wipes.

78
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,779
They may cost more,
but they're gayer.

79
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,696
And I'm gonna launch
these little babies

80
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:53,598
at a big party
here at Greendale.

81
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:56,135
Here's a flyer.
Ooh!

82
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:59,105
Greendale's first annual...
gay bash.

83
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:01,907
Wow, Pierce,
congratulations on meeting

84
00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,909
the minimum requirements
for open-mindedness.

85
00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:06,945
Yeah, I'm really proud of you.
You're growing as a person.

86
00:04:06,979 --> 00:04:08,347
Oh, good grief,

87
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:10,115
he's not supporting gay people.
They're supporting him.

88
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:11,550
If Mexicans were
buying his wipes,

89
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:12,968
he would have
ridden in on a donkey.

90
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:15,804
People earning respect with
money is the American way, Jeff.

91
00:04:15,855 --> 00:04:17,806
Not that my father
would have agreed.

92
00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:19,808
It took a federal
injunction to get him

93
00:04:19,859 --> 00:04:21,293
to sell these things
to the Italians.

94
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,793
Oh, I see what's going on here!

95
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,362
In my psych class
I'm learning about

96
00:04:24,396 --> 00:04:26,147
this thing called
the edible complex.

97
00:04:26,198 --> 00:04:28,300
All men have to
kill their fathers

98
00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:30,151
so they can do something
to their mothers.

99
00:04:30,202 --> 00:04:31,502
I haven't finished the chapter.

100
00:04:31,536 --> 00:04:32,903
What's that complex called

101
00:04:32,938 --> 00:04:34,289
where you're wrong
about everything?

102
00:04:34,323 --> 00:04:37,141
Huh, sarcasm from the man with
the mother of all daddy issues.

103
00:04:37,175 --> 00:04:38,642
Whoa, double diagnosis.

104
00:04:38,677 --> 00:04:40,778
Save some for all those
poor real doctors.

105
00:04:40,812 --> 00:04:42,963
Pierce, what type of cookies
do you want at the party?

106
00:04:42,998 --> 00:04:45,115
We have peanut butter
or chocolate chip.

107
00:04:45,133 --> 00:04:47,084
Rainbow, bitches.

108
00:04:47,118 --> 00:04:50,054
We can have peanut butter
or chocolate chip.

109
00:04:56,026 --> 00:04:56,993
Well?

110
00:04:57,027 --> 00:04:58,528
It's pretty great!

111
00:05:01,365 --> 00:05:03,366
Tight seal, good flow.

112
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,001
Kid's pretty handy.

113
00:05:05,035 --> 00:05:07,270
You get the hell out of here!

114
00:05:07,304 --> 00:05:08,437
Go on!

115
00:05:13,326 --> 00:05:15,444
- Who was that?
- You listen to me.

116
00:05:15,478 --> 00:05:17,479
What you have is a gift.

117
00:05:17,513 --> 00:05:20,382
And some people are going to try
to take advantage of that gift.

118
00:05:20,416 --> 00:05:22,151
Promise me
you'll use it for good.

119
00:05:22,186 --> 00:05:23,669
All right, I promise.

120
00:05:23,703 --> 00:05:26,688
Good. Now, come with me
to the second floor.

121
00:05:26,723 --> 00:05:28,724
Somebody pooped in the sink.

122
00:05:32,178 --> 00:05:33,679
You know, we actually
have a lot in common.

123
00:05:33,713 --> 00:05:36,514
We hate lesbians,
we hate baggy pants,

124
00:05:36,549 --> 00:05:38,684
and I can't believe you guys
are all bears fans.

125
00:05:38,718 --> 00:05:40,401
- Super fans.
- Randall!

126
00:05:40,435 --> 00:05:42,770
Somebody take a picture.
Come on...

127
00:05:43,940 --> 00:05:45,439
Okay, now let's
take a silly one.

128
00:05:45,474 --> 00:05:49,244
- Okay, okay!
- All right.

129
00:05:49,278 --> 00:05:53,147
Piercinald Anastasia Hawthorne!

130
00:05:53,182 --> 00:05:54,181
Father.

131
00:05:57,519 --> 00:06:00,187
We need to talk, boy.

132
00:06:11,216 --> 00:06:12,632
Oh—

133
00:06:14,769 --> 00:06:16,803
Gentlemen.

134
00:06:16,837 --> 00:06:18,905
You are here tonight because
you have been selected

135
00:06:18,939 --> 00:06:20,940
as potential candidates
for the Greendale

136
00:06:20,975 --> 00:06:24,678
Air Conditioning Repair School.

137
00:06:24,712 --> 00:06:26,546
But why kidnap you?

138
00:06:26,580 --> 00:06:28,782
Why put a sack over your head

139
00:06:28,816 --> 00:06:31,283
and drag you here in
the middle of the night?

140
00:06:31,317 --> 00:06:35,088
Why is there an astronaut in
the corner making paninis?

141
00:06:35,122 --> 00:06:38,091
Simple, we don't want you
to tell anyone about this.

142
00:06:38,125 --> 00:06:41,627
And if you do, we don't
want them believing you.

143
00:06:41,661 --> 00:06:44,080
Isn't that right, Black Hitler?

144
00:06:44,131 --> 00:06:46,031
Your initiation...

145
00:06:46,066 --> 00:06:47,633
begins...

146
00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:49,134
now, gentlemen.

147
00:06:50,637 --> 00:06:52,171
Hey, guys,
I'm looking for Troy.

148
00:06:52,205 --> 00:06:53,672
Oh, he texted me.
He said he's fine,

149
00:06:53,706 --> 00:06:55,707
but he couldn't say where he is.
Oh, no, do you think

150
00:06:55,725 --> 00:06:58,010
he's been kidnapped?
Usually it's one of the parents,

151
00:06:58,044 --> 00:07:00,646
and it almost always
ends in murder-suicide.

152
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,647
- Why are you smiling?
- I'm smiling?

153
00:07:02,681 --> 00:07:05,184
Well if you see him, tell him
Jerry's looking for him.

154
00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,518
So Jeff, what are you going
to wear to Pierce's gay party?

155
00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:09,220
- Nothing.
- Ooh, they'll love that.

156
00:07:09,238 --> 00:07:11,056
Ha ha.
I mean I'm not going.

157
00:07:11,074 --> 00:07:12,857
It's dumb and I can't believe
you guys are supporting it.

158
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,076
Everybody, this is my father,

159
00:07:15,110 --> 00:07:16,594
Cornelius Hawthorne.

160
00:07:16,628 --> 00:07:18,463
Oh, I always assumed
your father was dead.

161
00:07:18,497 --> 00:07:19,931
Just mathematically.

162
00:07:19,965 --> 00:07:21,899
Well, mom liked to pretend
that was the case.

163
00:07:21,934 --> 00:07:23,034
These are your friends, Pierce?

164
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,367
Hello.

165
00:07:24,401 --> 00:07:26,403
Minorities, jewesses,

166
00:07:26,437 --> 00:07:28,072
and the unseasonably tan?

167
00:07:28,107 --> 00:07:29,573
That is inappropriate!

168
00:07:29,607 --> 00:07:32,960
And maybe you'll give that more
weight since I'm "white".

169
00:07:33,011 --> 00:07:34,244
You've got a wide brow.

170
00:07:34,278 --> 00:07:35,947
What are you, Scandinavian?

171
00:07:35,981 --> 00:07:37,280
Yeah, Swedish.

172
00:07:37,315 --> 00:07:38,882
Swedish dogs.

173
00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:40,517
Your blood is tainted
by generations

174
00:07:40,551 --> 00:07:42,552
of race mixing with laplanders.

175
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,521
You're basically Finns!

176
00:07:44,555 --> 00:07:46,656
Oh, my goodness, he's like
the Abed of racism.

177
00:07:46,691 --> 00:07:48,024
Okay, since no one's
willing to ask,

178
00:07:48,059 --> 00:07:49,159
what's going on with your hair?

179
00:07:49,192 --> 00:07:51,094
Ordinary toupee hair
is harvested

180
00:07:51,129 --> 00:07:53,096
from the heads of
the godless oriental.

181
00:07:53,131 --> 00:07:54,563
Solid ivory is the only way

182
00:07:54,598 --> 00:07:56,933
to be assured of
true follicular purity,

183
00:07:56,951 --> 00:07:59,468
while still identifying
myself as a man of means.

184
00:07:59,503 --> 00:08:03,272
I can excuse racism, but I
draw the line at animal cruelty.

185
00:08:03,306 --> 00:08:04,540
You can excuse racism?

186
00:08:04,574 --> 00:08:05,975
So what brings you here?

187
00:08:06,009 --> 00:08:07,676
I'm assuming it's not
for your son's party.

188
00:08:07,711 --> 00:08:10,346
Unless "segregationist mummy"
is a gay fetish I'm unaware of.

189
00:08:10,380 --> 00:08:13,332
Actually, uh, after
discussing with my father,

190
00:08:13,383 --> 00:08:14,967
the party's off,

191
00:08:15,001 --> 00:08:16,552
and we're canceling
pride wipes.

192
00:08:16,586 --> 00:08:17,970
Stand up straight, Piercinald,

193
00:08:18,004 --> 00:08:19,471
when talking
to the lower classes.

194
00:08:19,505 --> 00:08:21,090
Now if you'll excuse me,
I need to go find

195
00:08:21,124 --> 00:08:23,092
a half-decent ivory buffer

196
00:08:23,126 --> 00:08:26,061
in this two-horse town.

197
00:08:27,063 --> 00:08:29,430
Oh, the party's cancelled?

198
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:30,698
I bought a cone bra.

199
00:08:30,733 --> 00:08:32,267
Piercinald, please tell me
you did not

200
00:08:32,301 --> 00:08:34,102
cancel your gay party
because of your father.

201
00:08:34,104 --> 00:08:36,104
It's a business decision, Jeff.

202
00:08:36,137 --> 00:08:39,073
I took a look at the numbers,
had someone explain them to me,

203
00:08:39,108 --> 00:08:40,825
and this is the way we're going.

204
00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:42,410
I thought you said
Pierce's idea was dumb?

205
00:08:42,444 --> 00:08:44,444
Well that's before it was
being oppressed by a—

206
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,146
- A father?
- A homophobe!

207
00:08:46,164 --> 00:08:47,447
This isn't about fathers.

208
00:08:47,482 --> 00:08:49,483
This is about
a long-suffering community

209
00:08:49,517 --> 00:08:50,785
with a constitutional right

210
00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:52,887
to wipe whoever
and whatever they want.

211
00:08:52,922 --> 00:08:54,454
Well, if you like gay people
so much,

212
00:08:54,489 --> 00:08:56,173
why don't you marry them?

213
00:08:56,207 --> 00:08:57,691
This is so edible.

214
00:08:57,725 --> 00:08:59,693
Britta, you are gonna
make a terrible therapist.

215
00:08:59,727 --> 00:09:01,461
And if you need to talk
to someone about that,

216
00:09:01,496 --> 00:09:02,629
I don't recommend you.

217
00:09:02,664 --> 00:09:04,498
Hmm, is that how your
dad talked to your mom?

218
00:09:04,532 --> 00:09:05,632
No, that's how
he talked to your mom.

219
00:09:05,666 --> 00:09:06,733
How does that make you feel?

220
00:09:06,768 --> 00:09:07,801
Shut up.

221
00:09:15,334 --> 00:09:17,868
Ah, Jeffrey!

222
00:09:17,903 --> 00:09:19,603
Ah, I was so sad
when Pierce said

223
00:09:19,637 --> 00:09:21,203
he was canceling the party.

224
00:09:21,238 --> 00:09:23,337
And I was so happy when you
said that it was back on.

225
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:24,772
Yeah, he's real busy
with his dad,

226
00:09:24,807 --> 00:09:27,306
but I knew how much
it meant to him.

227
00:09:27,340 --> 00:09:28,724
I throw a pretty gay party,
huh?

228
00:09:28,775 --> 00:09:29,942
Yeah, it's great.

229
00:09:29,977 --> 00:09:31,276
I mean, if you're
into that kind of thing.

230
00:09:31,310 --> 00:09:32,810
Time to mingle.

231
00:09:34,812 --> 00:09:36,178
What the hell is this?

232
00:09:36,212 --> 00:09:38,062
The gay bash,
courtesy of Hawthorne Wipes.

233
00:09:38,113 --> 00:09:39,196
I cancelled this!

234
00:09:39,231 --> 00:09:40,413
And I uncancelled it.

235
00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:41,731
My dad's gonna disown me!

236
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:44,016
Oh, no, then you'll be
free of him forever.

237
00:09:44,034 --> 00:09:46,183
You'll never have to cower at
the sound of his voice

238
00:09:46,201 --> 00:09:48,652
or shudder when
you see an elephant.

239
00:09:48,686 --> 00:09:49,870
You're welcome, Pierce.

240
00:09:49,904 --> 00:09:52,320
I just did what you
never had the guts to do.

241
00:09:52,355 --> 00:09:53,622
You know what?
Britta was right.

242
00:09:53,656 --> 00:09:54,788
You resent my father because

243
00:09:54,823 --> 00:09:56,372
you've got problems
with your own.

244
00:09:56,407 --> 00:09:58,123
After "Britta was right",
everything you said

245
00:09:58,157 --> 00:09:59,291
just sounded like a fog horn.

246
00:09:59,325 --> 00:10:01,525
Then have your big gay party.

247
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:02,877
I'm out of here!

248
00:10:02,911 --> 00:10:04,661
Oh, come on, Pierce,
just have one drink.

249
00:10:04,695 --> 00:10:06,629
You're gonna want to
see the guest of honor.

250
00:10:06,663 --> 00:10:08,696
Pull the cord, fellas.

251
00:10:08,714 --> 00:10:14,582
Pierce, Pierce, Pierce!

252
00:10:14,634 --> 00:10:16,366
Well, maybe just one drink.

253
00:10:23,037 --> 00:10:24,087
Done.

254
00:10:29,074 --> 00:10:30,708
Mr. Barnes...

255
00:10:30,743 --> 00:10:32,475
Walk with me.

256
00:10:32,510 --> 00:10:34,377
Mr. Barnes,
air conditioning repair is

257
00:10:34,411 --> 00:10:36,611
an elite worldwide
family dating back

258
00:10:36,646 --> 00:10:38,979
to the very beginnings
of civilizations.

259
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,813
Our predecessors were slaves,

260
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:43,230
fanning the pharaohs
with palm fronds.

261
00:10:43,265 --> 00:10:44,899
Over time, we became expert

262
00:10:44,933 --> 00:10:46,716
at making our
superiors comfortable.

263
00:10:46,751 --> 00:10:48,317
We made it our business.

264
00:10:48,351 --> 00:10:53,437
And along the way, we learned
to make ourselves comfortable.

265
00:10:53,488 --> 00:10:56,354
No more palm fronds, Troy.

266
00:10:56,388 --> 00:10:59,690
Now we are the pharaohs.

267
00:11:01,058 --> 00:11:02,859
Breath print approved.

268
00:11:10,864 --> 00:11:12,463
Feel that?

269
00:11:12,498 --> 00:11:13,798
Actually, I don't feel—

270
00:11:13,832 --> 00:11:15,932
Precisely.

271
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:17,800
Have you heard the expression
room temperature?

272
00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:18,800
Of course.

273
00:11:18,834 --> 00:11:21,001
This is the room!

274
00:11:21,036 --> 00:11:25,337
This is the
room temperature room.

275
00:11:27,339 --> 00:11:33,374
I-I can't tell where the air
ends and my skin begins.

276
00:11:33,409 --> 00:11:35,375
It's incredible.
That's what we do, Troy.

277
00:11:35,410 --> 00:11:38,461
Incredible, invisible,
inbelievable things.

278
00:11:38,512 --> 00:11:40,879
We're an unseen,
unknown, unvincible

279
00:11:40,913 --> 00:11:42,379
fraternity of craftsmen.

280
00:11:42,414 --> 00:11:46,815
Graduates of this school are
guaranteed lucrative employment

281
00:11:46,849 --> 00:11:48,215
for their entire lives.

282
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:51,967
And I'm inviting you to join us.

283
00:11:52,018 --> 00:11:53,385
Will there always be paninis?

284
00:11:53,420 --> 00:11:57,054
There is one catch, Troy.

285
00:11:57,088 --> 00:11:59,522
Once you're in...

286
00:11:59,556 --> 00:12:01,356
You're in.

287
00:12:01,390 --> 00:12:03,825
Air conditioning repair
will be your life.

288
00:12:03,859 --> 00:12:08,060
A life of secrets you'll be
unable to share with outsiders.

289
00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:11,729
You will be an
air conditioning repairman

290
00:12:11,763 --> 00:12:14,129
and nothing else...

291
00:12:14,164 --> 00:12:16,865
Until the day you die.

292
00:12:19,484 --> 00:12:21,701
I don't expect you
to make a decision now.

293
00:12:24,470 --> 00:12:26,603
Take 24 hours.

294
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:29,471
Cool.

295
00:12:29,505 --> 00:12:32,239
I can't feel my pants.

296
00:12:34,241 --> 00:12:36,908
Go Pierce, go Pierce,
it's your birthday!

297
00:12:36,942 --> 00:12:38,826
Well, congratulations,
you got Pierce

298
00:12:38,876 --> 00:12:42,078
to symbolically kill his father
by dancing to club music.

299
00:12:42,112 --> 00:12:44,212
You of all people
should be happy about this.

300
00:12:44,246 --> 00:12:46,380
Pierce is becoming
a more tolerant person,

301
00:12:46,415 --> 00:12:47,964
and it has nothing
to do with his father.

302
00:12:47,998 --> 00:12:49,315
Look at me now, dad!

303
00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:51,083
Yeah, look at me now, dad!

304
00:12:51,117 --> 00:12:53,984
Look at me now, dad!

305
00:12:54,019 --> 00:12:55,585
Look at me now, dad!

306
00:12:55,619 --> 00:12:57,837
- Hey, where you been?
- I'm not allowed to say.

307
00:12:57,887 --> 00:12:59,020
- Are you Superman?
- No.

308
00:12:59,054 --> 00:13:00,021
Would you tell me if you were?

309
00:13:00,055 --> 00:13:01,188
I'd tell everyone.

310
00:13:01,222 --> 00:13:02,672
I never understood
why he cared who knew.

311
00:13:02,724 --> 00:13:04,807
This is the hottest
party we've ever had.

312
00:13:04,841 --> 00:13:06,007
I know, it's pretty dope.

313
00:13:06,058 --> 00:13:07,809
No, I mean,
it's dangerously hot.

314
00:13:07,842 --> 00:13:09,176
Our air conditioning system

315
00:13:09,227 --> 00:13:10,843
wasn't built
for this gay a party.

316
00:13:10,894 --> 00:13:13,294
I'll take a look.

317
00:13:14,296 --> 00:13:16,129
- Tron?
- What's tron?

318
00:13:18,482 --> 00:13:20,099
Ooh!

319
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,533
Man this party's
a real sausage fest.

320
00:13:24,318 --> 00:13:25,702
I knew it!

321
00:13:25,737 --> 00:13:28,570
- Knew what?
- Don't play dumb with me.

322
00:13:28,604 --> 00:13:30,304
What, did they promise you
the life of your dreams?

323
00:13:30,338 --> 00:13:31,638
You can have all that
as a plumber too,

324
00:13:31,673 --> 00:13:32,705
but without the pretense.

325
00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:33,939
Why do you hate them so much?

326
00:13:33,973 --> 00:13:35,440
Because they're elitist.

327
00:13:35,475 --> 00:13:36,907
They pump themselves up
to make everybody

328
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,074
think that they're special.

329
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:39,942
Because the truth is
they're not!

330
00:13:39,976 --> 00:13:41,343
I have a gift.

331
00:13:41,378 --> 00:13:43,511
I'm special.
I'm not a loser like you.

332
00:13:43,545 --> 00:13:45,679
I'm gonna eat Spaceman
paninis with Black Hitler,

333
00:13:45,713 --> 00:13:47,781
and there's nothing
you can do about it!

334
00:13:50,783 --> 00:13:52,683
Well, you really seem to be
enjoying yourself.

335
00:13:52,717 --> 00:13:55,884
I've gotta say, I don't know
why the word gay means dumb.

336
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,868
These guys are
all right in my book.

337
00:13:57,919 --> 00:14:01,287
Pierce Hawthorne,
get your fine gay-lovin' ass

338
00:14:01,321 --> 00:14:03,372
up here and say something
to your fans.

339
00:14:03,423 --> 00:14:04,389
Come on!

340
00:14:07,024 --> 00:14:09,542
If I tell you something, will
you promise to keep it a secret?

341
00:14:09,593 --> 00:14:10,760
Secret handshake.

342
00:14:10,793 --> 00:14:12,010
Secret.

343
00:14:12,044 --> 00:14:13,594
Okay, I know I said
I can't talk to you

344
00:14:13,628 --> 00:14:15,378
about what's going on,
but I can talk to myself.

345
00:14:15,429 --> 00:14:16,845
Can you pretend to be me?

346
00:14:16,879 --> 00:14:18,996
I like football,
but also I don't—

347
00:14:19,014 --> 00:14:20,514
Perfect.
Okay, I can't choose between

348
00:14:20,549 --> 00:14:21,682
air conditioning and plumbing.

349
00:14:21,716 --> 00:14:23,332
I know, it's so hard, right?

350
00:14:23,350 --> 00:14:25,100
- Let's ask Abed.
- Now you be me.

351
00:14:25,135 --> 00:14:27,268
- What should I do, Abed?
- I don't know

352
00:14:27,302 --> 00:14:28,468
but Harrison Ford might know.

353
00:14:28,503 --> 00:14:29,852
Don't get cocky kid—

354
00:14:29,886 --> 00:14:31,437
Okay, this isn't working, okay?
Abed tell me what to do.

355
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,887
I don't really see the dilemma.

356
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:34,872
Plumbing and air conditioning
seem more or less identical.

357
00:14:34,906 --> 00:14:37,006
They're not—they couldn't
be more or less identical.

358
00:14:37,024 --> 00:14:39,341
Well, what do you
feel like doing?

359
00:14:39,375 --> 00:14:41,642
Honestly, I el like
watching TV with you.

360
00:14:41,677 --> 00:14:43,443
But they're making me choose,
and if I choose wrong

361
00:14:43,477 --> 00:14:45,227
it could screw up my whole life.

362
00:14:45,278 --> 00:14:46,778
If you really have to make
a decision,

363
00:14:46,812 --> 00:14:48,345
I say go with whatever
makes you the happiest.

364
00:14:48,363 --> 00:14:50,313
Because, again, they're
virtually the same thing.

365
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:51,731
I think I know what I need to do.

366
00:14:51,782 --> 00:14:52,982
Don't get cocky, kid.

367
00:14:53,016 --> 00:14:54,416
All right, bitches!

368
00:14:55,684 --> 00:14:59,951
I just want to say
this whole thing...

369
00:15:02,854 --> 00:15:05,321
was a huge mistake.

370
00:15:05,355 --> 00:15:08,624
Uh, Hawthorne Wipes
is officially

371
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,658
severing its ties
to the gay community.

372
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,242
- Aw!
- What?

373
00:15:12,293 --> 00:15:14,043
Effective immediately,
it will return

374
00:15:14,077 --> 00:15:16,161
to being a straights-only
product.

375
00:15:16,195 --> 00:15:18,028
Boo!

376
00:15:23,666 --> 00:15:26,333
Ahhhhhh...

377
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:31,169
Fake heart attack.

378
00:15:31,203 --> 00:15:32,752
I taught him
everything he knows.

379
00:15:32,804 --> 00:15:36,038
So, how long you guys
been on the force?

380
00:15:40,170 --> 00:15:41,205
Pierce!

381
00:15:41,692 --> 00:15:42,958
What the hell was that?

382
00:15:42,992 --> 00:15:44,557
- That was—
- That was my boy.

383
00:15:44,592 --> 00:15:46,857
Standing up for good old
Hawthorne values.

384
00:15:46,890 --> 00:15:49,223
All due respect, sir,
I have zero respect for you.

385
00:15:49,257 --> 00:15:51,655
- Typical Welsh nonsense.
- But father, I—

386
00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:53,088
Pierce, you really wanna
be like this guy?

387
00:15:53,123 --> 00:15:54,687
He's wearing
elephant bones on his head.

388
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,587
He will be what I tell him
to be because I am his father!

389
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:01,818
Listen up,
colonel crypt-keeper.

390
00:16:01,853 --> 00:16:04,368
I could live a million years and
I could spend every minute of it

391
00:16:04,402 --> 00:16:05,751
doing important things.

392
00:16:05,785 --> 00:16:06,867
But at the end of it all,

393
00:16:06,902 --> 00:16:08,233
I would have only lived
half a life

394
00:16:08,284 --> 00:16:10,016
if I had not raised a son.

395
00:16:10,051 --> 00:16:11,483
This was a gift
that was handed to you.

396
00:16:11,517 --> 00:16:13,015
You squandered it.

397
00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:14,898
And the reason you have
so much hatred in your heart

398
00:16:14,949 --> 00:16:16,315
is because you're
trying to fill a hole

399
00:16:16,349 --> 00:16:17,847
where your kid
was supposed to go.

400
00:16:17,865 --> 00:16:19,647
And now it's too late.

401
00:16:19,681 --> 00:16:22,346
Now you're just stomping around
trying to prove you exist.

402
00:16:22,364 --> 00:16:24,879
Well, mission accomplished.

403
00:16:24,912 --> 00:16:27,479
But here's a question
I'd like to pass on to you

404
00:16:27,513 --> 00:16:30,777
from every son of every
crap dad that ever lived.

405
00:16:30,811 --> 00:16:33,709
So what?

406
00:16:35,044 --> 00:16:36,808
I'm done with you.

407
00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:38,309
He's done with you.

408
00:16:38,343 --> 00:16:40,374
The world is done with you.

409
00:16:48,373 --> 00:16:50,505
Come on in.
He's a Hawthorne.

410
00:16:50,539 --> 00:16:51,871
This is what they do.

411
00:16:51,905 --> 00:16:53,137
He's faking.

412
00:17:04,235 --> 00:17:05,934
Pierce, listen,
I just want to say—

413
00:17:05,968 --> 00:17:08,467
Did you know that the Canadian
Mallard is the only water fowl

414
00:17:08,501 --> 00:17:10,631
that bites his father's head off
on the way out of the womb?

415
00:17:10,666 --> 00:17:12,998
- That is definitely not true.
- I don't know.

416
00:17:13,016 --> 00:17:15,597
I looked it up on
the "wackapeediah"

417
00:17:17,098 --> 00:17:23,661
Pierce, um, I just want
to say, you know...

418
00:17:23,695 --> 00:17:25,028
Sorry for killing your dad.

419
00:17:25,062 --> 00:17:26,428
Don't blame yourself.

420
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:29,760
He bought a lot of his organs
from questionable sources.

421
00:17:29,794 --> 00:17:32,042
Oh, here, he wanted you
to have this.

422
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:33,426
No Pierce, you should take it.

423
00:17:33,461 --> 00:17:34,591
Believe me, I'd love it.

424
00:17:34,625 --> 00:17:36,525
But the terms of his will
clearly state

425
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,558
that whoever kills him
gets to keep it.

426
00:17:45,056 --> 00:17:46,322
Huh, I guess I'm up.

427
00:17:54,836 --> 00:17:56,785
"Father, I'll never forget
what you said to me

428
00:17:56,820 --> 00:17:59,551
"on my first day of school.

429
00:17:59,585 --> 00:18:00,818
'Comb your hair, you idiot.

430
00:18:00,852 --> 00:18:03,017
You look Greek.'

431
00:18:03,051 --> 00:18:04,517
"I'll never know
if that was true,

432
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:08,981
"but I do know that I was too
scared to stand up for myself.

433
00:18:08,999 --> 00:18:12,081
"Well, I'm not scared of you
anymore because you're dead,

434
00:18:12,115 --> 00:18:14,047
"and I'm not.

435
00:18:14,082 --> 00:18:17,080
So, I win."

436
00:18:17,114 --> 00:18:18,645
And you can suck it.

437
00:18:18,663 --> 00:18:21,845
Dude just told
his dead dad to suck it.

438
00:18:21,879 --> 00:18:23,344
So edible.

439
00:18:23,379 --> 00:18:25,677
You're the worst.

440
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:46,138
Your 24 hours has expired.

441
00:18:46,156 --> 00:18:47,770
I need an answer, Troy.

442
00:18:47,805 --> 00:18:49,471
Are you ready to join
the elite brotherhood

443
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,403
of guys who
fix air conditioners?

444
00:18:51,438 --> 00:18:52,969
I'm sorry, Vice Dean Laybourne,

445
00:18:53,004 --> 00:18:56,002
but, I realize no one's
better than anyone else.

446
00:18:56,036 --> 00:18:57,967
I mean, some people
are better at sports and...

447
00:18:58,002 --> 00:19:00,833
And there are magicians, but...

448
00:19:00,867 --> 00:19:03,333
I was put on this earth
to do something else.

449
00:19:03,368 --> 00:19:05,199
So you're going to be what?

450
00:19:05,233 --> 00:19:06,598
A plumber?

451
00:19:06,633 --> 00:19:09,931
No, I'm not gonna be
a plumber either.

452
00:19:09,965 --> 00:19:12,563
Because they have
to deal with poop.

453
00:19:12,597 --> 00:19:14,929
My decision for now
is to watch TV with my friend.

454
00:19:14,963 --> 00:19:16,929
You're making
a huge mistake, son.

455
00:19:16,963 --> 00:19:20,162
That may be, sir.
But at least it's my mistake.

456
00:19:20,196 --> 00:19:21,927
It doesn't change
the fact that it's a mistake.

457
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:24,592
Doesn't it?

458
00:19:24,627 --> 00:19:26,626
No, it doesn't.

459
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,357
Sir, looks like there
was a malfunction

460
00:19:36,391 --> 00:19:37,656
in the cafeteria last night.

461
00:19:37,691 --> 00:19:41,322
The Amana 5000 had
a compound coil fracture.

462
00:19:41,357 --> 00:19:43,021
But it was fixed.

463
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:45,520
Very funny.

464
00:19:45,554 --> 00:19:50,852
Not even I can fix a compound
coil fracture overnight.

465
00:19:50,887 --> 00:19:52,119
But he can.

466
00:19:52,137 --> 00:19:53,118
Constable Reggie.

467
00:19:53,153 --> 00:19:55,617
Inspector Spacetime.

468
00:19:55,635 --> 00:19:59,051
This isn't over, Troy Barnes.

469
00:19:59,085 --> 00:20:01,849
It's only just begun.

470
00:20:01,884 --> 00:20:03,465
You know what, I was wrong.

471
00:20:03,499 --> 00:20:05,132
I think you'll make
a very good therapist.

472
00:20:05,166 --> 00:20:06,780
And why is that?

473
00:20:06,798 --> 00:20:09,348
Well, you really nailed Pierce
in that whole oedipal thing.

474
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:11,446
The guy's got some
serious father issues.

475
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:14,413
Don't you think you may have
had some oedipal issues as well?

476
00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:15,679
Not really seeing
the connection.

477
00:20:15,713 --> 00:20:17,477
You literally killed a father.

478
00:20:17,512 --> 00:20:19,461
Yeah, well, not mine, dummy.

479
00:20:19,495 --> 00:20:20,493
Wow.

480
00:20:25,476 --> 00:20:28,441
Hey, Winger.
You going home alone?

481
00:20:28,459 --> 00:20:30,607
Gay.

482
00:20:40,125 --> 00:20:41,448
That was close,
Constable Reggie.

483
00:20:41,482 --> 00:20:43,554
I thought those blorgons
had us dead to rights.

484
00:20:43,588 --> 00:20:45,965
What on bitter earth do they
want from us, inspector?

485
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,105
The question's not what they
want from us, constable.

486
00:20:48,140 --> 00:20:49,124
But when!

487
00:20:49,159 --> 00:20:51,586
Inspector, look out, blorgons!

488
00:20:51,620 --> 00:20:53,997
Eradicate!
Eradicate!

489
00:20:54,049 --> 00:20:56,493
Eradicate... Eradicate...

490
00:20:58,464 --> 00:21:00,332
Take that, blorgon scum.

491
00:21:00,367 --> 00:21:01,656
How old are you guys?

492
00:21:01,690 --> 00:21:04,508
The question isn't
how old we are...

493
00:21:04,543 --> 00:21:06,954
But when old we are!

494
00:21:08,993 --> 00:21:10,945
In your face, blorgonian!

495
00:21:10,980 --> 00:21:14,425
Pew, pew, pew, pew!

496
00:21:17,059 --> 00:21:19,469
'Sup, girl?

497
00:21:19,521 --> 00:21:21,152
How you livin'?
Pew!

498
00:21:21,172 --> 00:21:22,554
Sync by mczolly
Corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com