1 00:00:01,246 --> 00:00:02,826 Why did I come to Greendale? 2 00:00:03,066 --> 00:00:06,865 So I can keep my job and get busy with my education. 3 00:00:08,262 --> 00:00:09,765 To meet different people. 4 00:00:09,799 --> 00:00:14,365 Because Greendale's a slam dunk. 5 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:15,731 - So why should you— - Why should you— 6 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:17,098 Why should you go Greendale? 7 00:00:17,133 --> 00:00:18,532 That's easy. 8 00:00:18,567 --> 00:00:20,698 Greendale has the most advanced typing class 9 00:00:20,732 --> 00:00:22,265 in the southwestern Greendale area. 10 00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:24,399 And now you can register by fax. 11 00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:26,865 Go Greendale, go Greendale, go! 12 00:00:26,899 --> 00:00:29,199 That, as you probably know, 13 00:00:29,233 --> 00:00:31,249 is the currently-running commercial for our school. 14 00:00:31,283 --> 00:00:33,332 Yeah, I always see it during late-night marathons 15 00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,365 of Fantasy Island. 16 00:00:34,399 --> 00:00:35,698 That's not an accident. 17 00:00:35,732 --> 00:00:37,698 It's the result of intensive targeting. 18 00:00:37,732 --> 00:00:39,915 But now, Greendale's School board 19 00:00:39,949 --> 00:00:44,398 has given me a budget of $2,000 to update our little ad. 20 00:00:44,416 --> 00:00:45,948 Are you sure it should change? 21 00:00:45,999 --> 00:00:47,398 I chose Greendale over city college 22 00:00:47,416 --> 00:00:49,165 because of the way that one dude goes... 23 00:00:49,702 --> 00:00:51,351 Ah, okay, okay. 24 00:00:51,359 --> 00:00:53,708 You know I love to be seen agreeing with you, Troy. 25 00:00:54,716 --> 00:00:56,398 But this is our chance to make 26 00:00:56,416 --> 00:00:58,798 Greendale's most reasonable dreams come true. 27 00:00:58,833 --> 00:01:00,948 And I need your help— All of you. 28 00:01:00,999 --> 00:01:03,282 That's okay, Jeffrey. 29 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:04,599 You can say no. 30 00:01:04,633 --> 00:01:06,848 This school asks very little of its students. 31 00:01:06,883 --> 00:01:08,199 It mainly gives. 32 00:01:08,233 --> 00:01:11,332 I feel like you guys might know what I'm talking about. 33 00:01:12,633 --> 00:01:14,632 How can we help? 34 00:01:14,666 --> 00:01:16,249 Oh, thanks for asking. 35 00:01:16,283 --> 00:01:18,948 I've chosen you, Greendale's brightest, 36 00:01:18,999 --> 00:01:21,082 most coincidentally diverse, hispanics not withstanding, 37 00:01:21,116 --> 00:01:24,132 study group to star in our commercial. 38 00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,665 - Ooh. - Pick a character. 39 00:01:25,699 --> 00:01:27,165 We start this weekend. 40 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,631 Oh, we get to be on tv! 41 00:01:28,666 --> 00:01:29,898 But if we're shooting this weekend, 42 00:01:29,916 --> 00:01:31,282 why are these cameras here? 43 00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:34,449 Abed, true to form, has decided to do the weird thing 44 00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:37,249 and film a documentary instead of helping. 45 00:01:37,283 --> 00:01:38,731 As a student of character, I have a feeling 46 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:39,731 that trying to make this commercial 47 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,299 may cost the dean his sanity. 48 00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:43,665 And my camera follows the fire, not the smoke. 49 00:01:43,699 --> 00:01:44,865 Ever seen Hearts of Darkness? 50 00:01:44,899 --> 00:01:46,332 Way better than Apocalypse Now. 51 00:01:46,366 --> 00:01:48,532 What's the catering sitch going to be on this picture? 52 00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:49,631 This isn't Hollywood, Pierce. 53 00:01:49,666 --> 00:01:51,698 If it was, these glasses would be tinted, 54 00:01:51,732 --> 00:01:52,731 and I'd be friends with Stevie Nicks. 55 00:01:52,749 --> 00:01:54,115 No catering. 56 00:01:54,166 --> 00:01:55,499 This is outrageous. 57 00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:56,915 I'm not leaving my trailer till there's food. 58 00:01:56,949 --> 00:01:58,499 You don't have a trailer. 59 00:01:58,533 --> 00:02:00,115 Well, then, I'll rent a trailer. 60 00:02:00,166 --> 00:02:02,566 And I won't leave it till I have the one I don't have. 61 00:02:02,599 --> 00:02:03,865 I'm an actor, not a circus freak. 62 00:02:03,899 --> 00:02:05,332 Oh, no. 63 00:02:05,366 --> 00:02:07,415 I needed to go that way. 64 00:02:07,450 --> 00:02:09,566 Eh, I'll loop around. 65 00:02:33,474 --> 00:02:36,371 sync by honeybunny corrected by susanaLC www.addic7ed.com 66 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,731 All right, let's rehearse this mamajama. 67 00:02:39,749 --> 00:02:42,082 Does everyone know who they are? 68 00:02:42,116 --> 00:02:43,466 Where's my script girl? 69 00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:44,915 It's supervisor, and I'm right behind you. 70 00:02:44,949 --> 00:02:47,082 Thank you, supervisor girl. 71 00:02:47,116 --> 00:02:48,915 Faster than a locomotive. 72 00:02:48,949 --> 00:02:50,615 A script supervisor is the person 73 00:02:50,666 --> 00:02:52,232 that tells everyone to stay on script 74 00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:55,698 and keeps careful notes to prevent logical inconsistencies. 75 00:02:55,732 --> 00:02:58,065 So... basically the star. 76 00:02:58,083 --> 00:03:00,332 We open on a typical day at Greendale, 77 00:03:00,366 --> 00:03:01,798 only the students all look happy 78 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,499 and you can't smell that smell. 79 00:03:03,532 --> 00:03:04,781 Troy? 80 00:03:04,833 --> 00:03:06,399 "Why do I go Greendale?" 81 00:03:06,433 --> 00:03:07,915 "With three kids at home, 82 00:03:07,949 --> 00:03:09,581 you better believe every penny counts." 83 00:03:09,616 --> 00:03:11,531 "To meet different people." 84 00:03:11,565 --> 00:03:13,232 And then, you and Troy hug— 85 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:15,115 if you're comfortable with that. 86 00:03:15,166 --> 00:03:16,564 - Of course. - Yeah, Troy and I are buds. 87 00:03:16,582 --> 00:03:18,581 Best buds. Air buds, even. 88 00:03:22,366 --> 00:03:24,249 Feeling stupid. 89 00:03:24,283 --> 00:03:27,249 And then, the camera pans, and enter Dean Pelton. 90 00:03:27,283 --> 00:03:29,615 I got stuck with the role of the dean. 91 00:03:29,666 --> 00:03:32,332 So I'm going to show him how much of a dean I can be. 92 00:03:32,366 --> 00:03:35,665 And I've got a feeling I won't make the cut. 93 00:03:35,699 --> 00:03:37,065 Welcome to Dean-Dale 94 00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:38,115 community colle-dean. 95 00:03:38,166 --> 00:03:39,948 I'm a silly goose. 96 00:03:39,999 --> 00:03:42,731 Honk, honk. Dean-a-Lee-doo. 97 00:03:42,749 --> 00:03:43,748 - Look at me. - Stop. 98 00:03:43,782 --> 00:03:45,564 This is my sister's outfit. 99 00:03:45,582 --> 00:03:47,832 Jeffrey, stop. 100 00:03:47,866 --> 00:03:50,082 You've hit gold. Save some for the screen. 101 00:03:50,116 --> 00:03:51,731 All right, people, scene six is up first. 102 00:03:51,749 --> 00:03:53,466 Oh, and I don't think Pierce is coming back. 103 00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:55,082 Can someone fill in as the pencil? 104 00:03:55,116 --> 00:03:57,731 Pierce Hawthorne, screen of stage and star, 105 00:03:57,766 --> 00:04:00,615 will not leave this trailer until he gets a trailer. 106 00:04:00,666 --> 00:04:04,098 And then I'm not leaving that trailer until there's catering. 107 00:04:04,133 --> 00:04:05,965 And I'm not eating the food until— 108 00:04:05,999 --> 00:04:07,631 And action. 109 00:04:07,666 --> 00:04:09,498 Why go Greendale? 110 00:04:09,532 --> 00:04:13,598 Just because, just dean it! Dean machine. 111 00:04:13,632 --> 00:04:14,748 Got dean, got much, much got— 112 00:04:14,782 --> 00:04:16,498 And cut. 113 00:04:16,532 --> 00:04:18,098 Oh, a star is born. 114 00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:20,432 I suggested to the dean that we shoot my scenes 115 00:04:20,466 --> 00:04:22,465 in front of the Luis Guzman statue 116 00:04:22,499 --> 00:04:24,115 because the dean has no legal right 117 00:04:24,166 --> 00:04:26,165 to broadcast Guzman's image, 118 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,565 which means every shot will be unusable. 119 00:04:28,599 --> 00:04:30,865 I even put a call in to Guzman's lawyers to alert them. 120 00:04:30,899 --> 00:04:32,865 I'm always willing to go the extra mile 121 00:04:32,899 --> 00:04:34,232 to avoid doing something. 122 00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:35,665 Like sex with women. 123 00:04:35,699 --> 00:04:37,249 Shut up, Leonard, you smell like mentholyptus. 124 00:04:37,283 --> 00:04:38,998 What are you even doing here? 125 00:04:39,033 --> 00:04:41,581 I'm thinking about breaking into the tv game. 126 00:04:41,616 --> 00:04:44,249 Since it's apparently sticking around. 127 00:04:44,283 --> 00:04:45,948 I don't want to wake up in 30 years 128 00:04:45,999 --> 00:04:48,765 and wonder "what if?" 129 00:04:48,799 --> 00:04:51,531 "Because this full-time mama ain't breaking the bank 130 00:04:51,566 --> 00:04:53,365 with your expensive tuition." 131 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:54,465 Okay, cut. 132 00:04:54,499 --> 00:04:56,165 Shirley, the voice. 133 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,448 Can you make it, um— I thought it would be more s— 134 00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:03,765 What's another word that means happy/threatening? 135 00:05:03,799 --> 00:05:05,832 The worde's looking for is "sassy." 136 00:05:05,866 --> 00:05:07,832 He better pray he don't find it. 137 00:05:08,899 --> 00:05:10,332 As soon as we get this shot, 138 00:05:10,366 --> 00:05:11,498 we are done. 139 00:05:11,532 --> 00:05:13,498 - Your phone is ringing. - Oh. 140 00:05:13,532 --> 00:05:15,832 - Dean deaning. - Dean Pelton? 141 00:05:15,866 --> 00:05:17,965 Hey, man, how you doing? It's Luis Guzman. 142 00:05:17,999 --> 00:05:19,915 I hear you're making a commercial for Greendale, 143 00:05:19,949 --> 00:05:22,082 and you need permission to use my face or something? 144 00:05:22,116 --> 00:05:25,781 Well, I, um... Uh... 145 00:05:25,833 --> 00:05:27,448 Well, why not use the real thing? 146 00:05:27,499 --> 00:05:28,865 I'm sorry? 147 00:05:28,899 --> 00:05:30,832 I'm saying, I'd love to be in your commercial. 148 00:05:30,866 --> 00:05:33,332 Wowee! 149 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:37,232 A real big-time celebrity wants to be in my commercial. 150 00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:39,232 Wowee. 151 00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:41,598 A real big time celebrity wants to be in my commercial. 152 00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:42,832 - Come on down. - Yeah, that's cool. 153 00:05:42,866 --> 00:05:44,498 But listen, I've got to finish this movie, 154 00:05:44,532 --> 00:05:47,598 so, you know, I can't come for a couple of weeks, all right? 155 00:05:47,632 --> 00:05:49,249 Mr. Guzman, Luis, thank you. 156 00:05:49,283 --> 00:05:50,698 And can I just say, 157 00:05:50,732 --> 00:05:53,414 I loved you in— 158 00:05:53,449 --> 00:05:58,448 Innnnnnnn... 159 00:05:59,782 --> 00:06:01,781 IMDb. 160 00:06:01,833 --> 00:06:03,898 See you soon, man. 161 00:06:03,916 --> 00:06:06,397 That was tragic. 162 00:06:06,415 --> 00:06:09,165 The students here mean well, they really do. 163 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,998 But what Greendale has always needed is a miracle. 164 00:06:12,033 --> 00:06:14,115 This is it. 165 00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:16,199 This is how I get to put Greendale on the map. 166 00:06:16,233 --> 00:06:18,832 You know, I thought this commercial was going to be okay. 167 00:06:18,866 --> 00:06:19,832 Well, guess what? 168 00:06:19,866 --> 00:06:21,781 It just officially became great. 169 00:06:21,833 --> 00:06:23,448 Let me give you a little rundown 170 00:06:23,499 --> 00:06:25,397 of this commercial's great elements. 171 00:06:25,415 --> 00:06:29,431 Luis Guzman is in it. 172 00:06:31,966 --> 00:06:33,414 I'm sorry, will you excuse me? 173 00:06:33,449 --> 00:06:36,581 Everyone gather 'round, quick announcement. 174 00:06:36,616 --> 00:06:38,299 Come on around. 175 00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:41,448 Everything that we shot so far is worthless. 176 00:06:41,499 --> 00:06:42,731 I've thrown it out, 177 00:06:42,766 --> 00:06:44,232 and we're starting over tomorrow morning. 178 00:06:44,266 --> 00:06:45,965 - Why? - Because... 179 00:06:45,999 --> 00:06:49,948 Luis Guzman is in the commercial now, so... 180 00:06:49,999 --> 00:06:51,731 Yeah. For realsies. 181 00:06:51,749 --> 00:06:56,165 Everyone, go home. I'm rewriting all of your parts. 182 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,165 Except for you, Jeffrey. 183 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,564 You have locked into something here. 184 00:07:00,582 --> 00:07:03,965 And the only thing your character needs 185 00:07:03,999 --> 00:07:06,265 is more screen time. 186 00:07:06,299 --> 00:07:08,281 It's great that he got a celebrity, 187 00:07:08,332 --> 00:07:10,364 - but why reshoot everything? - Perfectionism. 188 00:07:10,399 --> 00:07:11,898 The dean's first step down a road 189 00:07:11,933 --> 00:07:13,531 that ends in self-destruction. 190 00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:15,783 That sounds... Horrible. 191 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,531 Actually, I might end up taking this to some festivals. 192 00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:29,660 The dean's production has taken over the entire school. 193 00:07:29,694 --> 00:07:30,757 Classes are shut down. 194 00:07:30,877 --> 00:07:32,564 The quilting club is being forced to sew costumes. 195 00:07:32,684 --> 00:07:34,643 Two females, both 5'10", 196 00:07:34,677 --> 00:07:36,588 one brunette, one with asthma. 197 00:07:37,197 --> 00:07:39,362 He's also using the P.A. system for casting calls. 198 00:07:39,469 --> 00:07:40,802 Okay, everyone— 199 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,602 Does everyone have their new script? 200 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,735 Uh, it says I'm supposed to be a book reading a book. 201 00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:46,902 That—that doesn't make sense. 202 00:07:51,636 --> 00:07:53,385 What's this? 203 00:07:53,419 --> 00:07:55,368 Scene four. 204 00:07:55,386 --> 00:07:57,251 Last night, I had an epiphany. 205 00:07:57,302 --> 00:07:59,919 I'm ready to step this mother up a notch. 206 00:07:59,970 --> 00:08:01,585 This commercial is going to push every button, 207 00:08:01,636 --> 00:08:03,335 starting with the one that is so hot, 208 00:08:03,369 --> 00:08:04,969 it will sizzle your finger— 209 00:08:05,003 --> 00:08:07,052 racccccce. 210 00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:08,768 And action. 211 00:08:08,803 --> 00:08:11,202 "To meet different people." 212 00:08:11,219 --> 00:08:13,585 Cut! I'm coming in. 213 00:08:17,903 --> 00:08:21,752 I am trying to pull a 400-year-old dagger 214 00:08:21,803 --> 00:08:27,035 out of this nation's heart, and you two are hugging. 215 00:08:27,053 --> 00:08:29,085 Her, I understand, but you? 216 00:08:29,136 --> 00:08:30,251 What did I do? 217 00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:32,368 You didn't. Let's take it again! 218 00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:35,535 "To meet different people." 219 00:08:35,569 --> 00:08:37,201 Again. 220 00:08:37,219 --> 00:08:39,385 "To meet different people." 221 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,052 I need more! 222 00:08:41,086 --> 00:08:42,301 More! 223 00:08:42,336 --> 00:08:43,885 Wrong! Fight the power! 224 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,418 Fight it with your hugs. 225 00:08:45,469 --> 00:08:47,802 Tear down those walls. 226 00:08:49,170 --> 00:08:50,735 Okay, you get this wrong one more time, 227 00:08:50,769 --> 00:08:53,201 I'm segregating the school. 228 00:08:53,219 --> 00:08:55,035 "To meet different people." 229 00:08:55,053 --> 00:08:57,368 You can't even do it when we're helping you! 230 00:08:59,070 --> 00:09:00,069 Somebody help her! 231 00:09:00,103 --> 00:09:01,534 To meet different people! 232 00:09:01,552 --> 00:09:03,251 Stop saying I'm different! 233 00:09:03,302 --> 00:09:06,135 Dean, we've spent 12 hours on this scene. 234 00:09:06,169 --> 00:09:08,635 Maybe it's time to move on to something else. 235 00:09:08,669 --> 00:09:11,418 I'm in Psych 101, and even I don't know what's happening. 236 00:09:11,469 --> 00:09:14,201 The dean is going insane and taking all of you with him. 237 00:09:14,236 --> 00:09:17,201 If you know that, then do something! 238 00:09:17,236 --> 00:09:19,935 I'm doing everything I can. I only have so many cameras. 239 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,368 - Oh! - Aah! 240 00:09:24,386 --> 00:09:27,534 I've spent an entire day in this thing for no reason. 241 00:09:27,552 --> 00:09:29,885 What if the shoot drags on for another day? 242 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,668 Or, God forbid, two. 243 00:09:34,369 --> 00:09:35,902 And action, and move. 244 00:09:35,936 --> 00:09:37,602 "This full-time mama ain't breaking the bank—" 245 00:09:37,636 --> 00:09:39,168 Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut—Garrett, 246 00:09:39,202 --> 00:09:41,885 you're not taking advantage of the motion capture technology. 247 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:43,602 You have to move. 248 00:09:43,636 --> 00:09:44,902 I forgot what I am again. 249 00:09:44,936 --> 00:09:47,768 Oh, for crying out— you are a microscope! 250 00:09:47,803 --> 00:09:49,735 No, that's a toilet. 251 00:09:49,769 --> 00:09:52,035 No, that's clearly a frog who can't get out of a box. 252 00:09:52,053 --> 00:09:54,218 Jeff thinks he has it bad? 253 00:09:54,252 --> 00:09:56,635 As Jeff's understudy, I have to wear my Jeff wig 254 00:09:56,669 --> 00:09:59,735 on top of my Chang hair and then my bald cap on top of that. 255 00:09:59,769 --> 00:10:01,418 There's no air getting through here. 256 00:10:01,469 --> 00:10:03,218 I'm literally dying. 257 00:10:03,252 --> 00:10:05,718 But you'll never hear my story. 258 00:10:05,753 --> 00:10:08,134 I mean, now you heard it, but... That was close. 259 00:10:08,169 --> 00:10:10,501 Are you sure you can't work a little faster? 260 00:10:10,535 --> 00:10:11,868 Nobody asked for perfection. 261 00:10:11,886 --> 00:10:13,868 Well, perfection is what you're getting. 262 00:10:13,886 --> 00:10:15,534 And if you don't like it, you can fire me. 263 00:10:15,552 --> 00:10:17,201 Yeah, if we don't like it, 264 00:10:17,219 --> 00:10:19,835 at this point, we definitely will fire you. 265 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:23,368 Good. That's how I like it. Ha! 266 00:10:23,386 --> 00:10:25,168 I'm surrounded by assassins. 267 00:10:25,202 --> 00:10:27,535 By own school's paper has turned on me. 268 00:10:27,569 --> 00:10:29,035 But when this is all over, 269 00:10:29,070 --> 00:10:31,368 I'll have a commercial with Luis Guzman in it, 270 00:10:31,386 --> 00:10:34,802 and all they'll have are their words and their fears 271 00:10:34,836 --> 00:10:36,218 and whatever embarrassing photos 272 00:10:36,252 --> 00:10:38,535 they can get from my two-faced mother. 273 00:10:40,102 --> 00:10:41,535 Garrett, I've got two men in diapers here. 274 00:10:41,569 --> 00:10:42,585 I know one of them is playing 275 00:10:42,636 --> 00:10:44,134 the dawn of a new era in education, 276 00:10:44,169 --> 00:10:45,385 but I've got nothing on the other one. 277 00:10:45,419 --> 00:10:47,401 Oh, um, just a guest of the dean's. 278 00:10:47,436 --> 00:10:50,035 Well, both of you go that way, then. 279 00:10:50,069 --> 00:10:52,052 The dean had his seventh epiphany today, 280 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,835 which has given me an epiphany of my own. 281 00:10:53,869 --> 00:10:55,702 The dean is a genius. 282 00:10:55,736 --> 00:10:57,251 He has to be. 283 00:10:57,302 --> 00:10:59,268 If he isn't, I've given almost two weeks of my life 284 00:10:59,302 --> 00:11:01,218 to an idiot. That is unacceptable. 285 00:11:01,252 --> 00:11:04,068 Therefore the dean is a genius. 286 00:11:04,102 --> 00:11:06,535 And I will die protecting his vision. 287 00:11:06,569 --> 00:11:09,468 Are you by any chance familiar with Stockholm Syndrome? 288 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,251 Is it something that the dean created? 289 00:11:11,302 --> 00:11:12,718 Because if not, I don't care. 290 00:11:12,753 --> 00:11:15,335 We all wanna go, but the dean won't let us. 291 00:11:15,369 --> 00:11:17,368 I think Pierce played this the smartest from the beginning. 292 00:11:17,386 --> 00:11:19,134 He's probably at home watching Forensic Files 293 00:11:19,169 --> 00:11:20,568 and eating cheesy popcorn. 294 00:11:25,603 --> 00:11:27,752 Well, about time. 295 00:11:27,803 --> 00:11:30,084 Hey, that's for Luis Guzman. 296 00:11:30,135 --> 00:11:34,418 Well, when you get me my trailer, he can have it back. 297 00:11:34,469 --> 00:11:36,418 And make it as nice as this one. 298 00:11:36,469 --> 00:11:38,835 Hey, Dean. Dean? Hey, Dean! 299 00:11:38,869 --> 00:11:41,002 Pierce mistook me for the dean today. 300 00:11:41,035 --> 00:11:44,568 - I want windows. - How did that make you feel? 301 00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:46,568 I've become a stranger to myself. 302 00:11:46,603 --> 00:11:50,218 I'm bald now. I've always been bald. 303 00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:52,501 I merely dreamt of having hair. 304 00:11:52,536 --> 00:11:54,835 And now the bald man is awake. 305 00:11:54,869 --> 00:11:56,001 Jeff? 306 00:11:56,035 --> 00:11:57,919 It's time. 307 00:12:01,269 --> 00:12:05,001 Lights, camera, Dean. 308 00:12:05,035 --> 00:12:07,235 Action. 309 00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:10,668 Why go Greendale? Just because! 310 00:12:10,702 --> 00:12:12,535 Cut. Cut. 311 00:12:14,702 --> 00:12:16,168 Lose the bald cap. 312 00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:18,535 - What? - I don't like it. 313 00:12:18,569 --> 00:12:20,034 It's hokey, it's fake. 314 00:12:20,052 --> 00:12:22,701 Take it off. 315 00:12:24,836 --> 00:12:26,568 No. 316 00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:31,534 I beg your pardon, actor? 317 00:12:31,552 --> 00:12:35,835 I have worn this stupid thing for 12 days. 318 00:12:35,869 --> 00:12:37,251 I have made bald friends. 319 00:12:37,302 --> 00:12:39,134 Well, that's your mistake. 320 00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:41,335 Because it's a lie. It's Hollywood crap. 321 00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:43,718 And I won't allow it in my commercial. 322 00:12:43,753 --> 00:12:46,501 You're not bald. 323 00:12:46,536 --> 00:12:48,701 Yes, I am. 324 00:12:48,719 --> 00:12:51,935 Well, then, you're wrong for the part! 325 00:12:51,969 --> 00:12:54,885 Understudy! 326 00:12:59,052 --> 00:13:01,335 That's it. 327 00:13:01,369 --> 00:13:04,568 That's reality. 328 00:13:04,603 --> 00:13:06,001 Winger, you're done. Go home. 329 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,802 Go home. 330 00:13:10,085 --> 00:13:12,101 Okay, I don't know why, but this is the last straw. 331 00:13:12,135 --> 00:13:13,752 As a licensed psychology major, 332 00:13:13,803 --> 00:13:17,501 I am declaring this production a violation of human rights. 333 00:13:17,535 --> 00:13:20,768 You have made us prisoners of your insanity. 334 00:13:20,803 --> 00:13:22,068 Shut your face, Britta. 335 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,918 If the dean wants his role 336 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:26,885 to be played by a Chinese man in a blond wig— 337 00:13:26,919 --> 00:13:29,034 Oh, my God, you are insane. 338 00:13:29,052 --> 00:13:30,701 All right, I'm sick and tired 339 00:13:30,719 --> 00:13:31,885 of hearing complaints 340 00:13:31,919 --> 00:13:34,001 that I'm forcing people to be here. 341 00:13:34,035 --> 00:13:38,602 Anyone who doesn't want to help me can leave! 342 00:13:50,769 --> 00:13:53,551 - Abed, stop! - Okay. 343 00:13:53,586 --> 00:13:55,414 Keep rolling. 344 00:14:08,308 --> 00:14:09,924 Hello? Hello. 345 00:14:09,958 --> 00:14:12,307 Hello? 346 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:23,224 Hello, it's me. Luis Guzman. 347 00:14:23,258 --> 00:14:25,090 - Hello! - Hi. 348 00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:29,441 Hi, Mr. Guzman, Dean/Director Craig Pelton. 349 00:14:29,475 --> 00:14:31,890 Sorry, I've been editing. 350 00:14:31,924 --> 00:14:33,140 It's a ltle bit of a mess. 351 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:36,923 What the — is that? 352 00:14:36,941 --> 00:14:38,591 Oh, that's a possum. 353 00:14:38,609 --> 00:14:39,923 Once you spend some time with them, 354 00:14:39,941 --> 00:14:44,691 you see they're just like big, gentle rats. 355 00:14:44,725 --> 00:14:47,024 - Who's the guy? - I'm no one. 356 00:14:47,058 --> 00:14:49,140 That's Abed. He's a little bit odd. 357 00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:51,591 Now, without further ado, 358 00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:55,307 here is the commercial you will be staring in. 359 00:14:58,292 --> 00:14:59,474 Why do I go Greendale? 360 00:15:05,141 --> 00:15:07,558 - Aah! - What's in the box? 361 00:15:07,592 --> 00:15:09,624 Ohh... Oh... 362 00:15:12,659 --> 00:15:14,558 I've got to make a phone call. 363 00:15:14,592 --> 00:15:17,641 I had to tell this dean I couldn't do his commercial. 364 00:15:17,692 --> 00:15:19,691 He didn't take that too well either. 365 00:15:19,725 --> 00:15:21,257 Y'all gotta help this dude. 366 00:15:21,292 --> 00:15:22,608 I mean, aren't you his friends? 367 00:15:22,642 --> 00:15:24,724 I'm more of a fly on the wall. 368 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,608 What is go— 369 00:15:26,642 --> 00:15:28,140 what? 370 00:15:28,192 --> 00:15:30,357 You won't be in my commercial, 371 00:15:30,392 --> 00:15:32,608 but you'll be in his stupid documentary? 372 00:15:32,642 --> 00:15:34,424 All he does is follow people around. 373 00:15:34,442 --> 00:15:36,391 Yeah, but haven't you seen Hearts of Darkness? 374 00:15:36,425 --> 00:15:37,807 - Way better than— - I want you 375 00:15:37,858 --> 00:15:40,191 the hell off of my campus, you ungrateful backstabber. 376 00:15:40,225 --> 00:15:41,641 I already got rid of your trailer. 377 00:15:41,692 --> 00:15:42,890 I had a trailer? 378 00:15:42,924 --> 00:15:44,807 Can anyone hear me? 379 00:15:44,858 --> 00:15:47,140 I will walk off this production. 380 00:15:47,192 --> 00:15:49,773 I will quit! Hello? 381 00:15:49,808 --> 00:15:51,773 I come here to shoot this commercial for Greendale. 382 00:15:51,808 --> 00:15:53,591 That's what you had written on the script. 383 00:15:53,609 --> 00:15:55,090 Ugh, that script was terrible. 384 00:15:55,108 --> 00:15:56,140 I thought it was pretty good. 385 00:15:56,192 --> 00:15:57,424 Of course you'd think that. 386 00:15:57,442 --> 00:15:59,024 You went here. 387 00:16:02,192 --> 00:16:04,974 Oh, I get it. 388 00:16:05,025 --> 00:16:07,756 You're worse than crazy. 389 00:16:07,774 --> 00:16:09,424 You're ashamed of your school. 390 00:16:09,458 --> 00:16:11,923 And that—that statue of me out there, 391 00:16:11,941 --> 00:16:12,923 that's just wrong, man. 392 00:16:12,941 --> 00:16:14,357 Well, the bronze adds ten pounds. 393 00:16:14,392 --> 00:16:16,090 - Nah, man— - It's not going to be perfect. 394 00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:17,756 Screw you. 395 00:16:17,774 --> 00:16:20,691 I'm just saying, don't worship the people leaving Greendale. 396 00:16:20,725 --> 00:16:22,724 Worship the people that are here. 397 00:16:22,757 --> 00:16:26,307 Worship this place. It changes people's life. 398 00:16:26,358 --> 00:16:29,391 Look, I loved my time here. I got laid like crazy. 399 00:16:29,425 --> 00:16:31,524 That's way before Boogie Nights too. 400 00:16:31,559 --> 00:16:35,624 Look, this is a special school. 401 00:16:38,858 --> 00:16:41,090 You don't deserve to be here. 402 00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,224 Are you still filming, Abed? 403 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,773 Yeah, but try not to address me. 404 00:16:50,808 --> 00:16:53,807 I'm not really here. 405 00:16:53,858 --> 00:16:56,274 Neither am I. 406 00:16:56,308 --> 00:17:00,424 I don't think I can finish my commercial. 407 00:17:00,442 --> 00:17:03,090 But I think I know how your documentary ends. 408 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,723 Hi, I'm Craig Pelton, 409 00:17:08,757 --> 00:17:10,974 Dean of Greendale Community College. 410 00:17:13,025 --> 00:17:15,224 I have failed this school. 411 00:17:15,258 --> 00:17:16,974 I have failed it because I thought 412 00:17:17,025 --> 00:17:19,391 I was better than Greendale. 413 00:17:19,425 --> 00:17:21,773 See, I went to a university, 414 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:24,974 so I thought it was my job to improve this place. 415 00:17:25,025 --> 00:17:27,307 But it turns out that the only thing wrong with Greendale 416 00:17:27,358 --> 00:17:29,558 is that it's run by an insecure wreck 417 00:17:29,592 --> 00:17:32,624 who holds five dances and two talent shows a year 418 00:17:32,658 --> 00:17:34,857 because he's afraid that the school isn't good enough. 419 00:17:36,808 --> 00:17:38,257 But Greendale is good enough 420 00:17:38,292 --> 00:17:40,424 because it accepts me for what I'm not. 421 00:17:40,442 --> 00:17:43,624 Greendale is the best school in the entire world, 422 00:17:43,658 --> 00:17:48,157 and I'm so sorry what I've done to it. 423 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,424 And I'm sorry what I've done to the ice cream machine. 424 00:17:50,442 --> 00:17:53,107 Aah! 425 00:17:53,141 --> 00:17:57,957 Please, no one eat out of it until you clean the nozzles. 426 00:17:57,991 --> 00:18:00,457 The janitor knows how. 427 00:18:01,958 --> 00:18:03,257 I'm horrible. 428 00:18:04,358 --> 00:18:05,757 I'm horrible. 429 00:18:07,925 --> 00:18:09,890 Gentlemen, what I'm about to show you 430 00:18:09,925 --> 00:18:12,391 is not the commercial you paid me to create. 431 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,640 What I am about to show you 432 00:18:13,691 --> 00:18:15,391 is a glimpse into my mind and soul. 433 00:18:15,425 --> 00:18:17,391 Please hold your questions until the end. 434 00:18:17,425 --> 00:18:19,090 I know you will have a lot of them, 435 00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:22,424 but I'll understand if you'd rather I just leave. 436 00:18:26,774 --> 00:18:28,391 Why do I go Greendale? 437 00:18:28,425 --> 00:18:30,307 The dean is a genius. 438 00:18:30,358 --> 00:18:31,890 To meet different people. 439 00:18:31,924 --> 00:18:33,307 With three kids at home, 440 00:18:33,358 --> 00:18:35,424 you better believe every penny counts. 441 00:18:35,442 --> 00:18:38,224 I loved my time here. I got laid like crazy. 442 00:18:38,258 --> 00:18:39,474 So why should you— 443 00:18:39,525 --> 00:18:40,640 Why should you— 444 00:18:40,691 --> 00:18:43,090 Why should you go to Greendale? 445 00:18:43,125 --> 00:18:46,640 Greendale is the best school in the entire world. 446 00:18:47,791 --> 00:18:50,324 Go Greendale, go Greendale, go! 447 00:18:52,458 --> 00:18:53,474 It's good. 448 00:18:53,525 --> 00:18:54,558 Y-you know what, better than good. 449 00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:55,773 Good enough. 450 00:18:55,808 --> 00:18:58,391 Is there any more of the crazy Chinese guy? 451 00:18:58,425 --> 00:18:59,890 He pops. 452 00:18:59,924 --> 00:19:01,773 I'm confused. That's not my commercial. 453 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,307 I-I didn't make that. 454 00:19:03,358 --> 00:19:05,590 Yeah, yeah, okay, Zemeckis, it moved through you. 455 00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:07,757 Anyway, congratulations. 456 00:19:07,791 --> 00:19:10,107 That should last us another 16 years. 457 00:19:10,141 --> 00:19:12,057 So, uh, what's next? 458 00:19:12,091 --> 00:19:15,024 - Chump's rusty bucket? - Quarter taps. 459 00:19:20,308 --> 00:19:21,890 - Did you do this? - You did mostly. 460 00:19:21,924 --> 00:19:23,723 You got the footage you needed on the first day. 461 00:19:23,757 --> 00:19:28,391 I added a little bit of my footage to fill in the gaps. 462 00:19:28,425 --> 00:19:30,957 I thought you were a fly on the wall. 463 00:19:30,991 --> 00:19:32,957 Some flies are too awesome for the wall. 464 00:19:32,991 --> 00:19:34,957 Documentarians are supposed to be objective, 465 00:19:34,991 --> 00:19:36,957 to avoid having any effect on the story. 466 00:19:36,991 --> 00:19:38,890 And yet we have more effect than anyone. 467 00:19:38,925 --> 00:19:40,257 Because we decide to tell it. 468 00:19:40,292 --> 00:19:41,640 And we decide how it ends. 469 00:19:41,691 --> 00:19:43,191 Will your story be yet another sad one 470 00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,224 of yet another man who just wanted to be happy? 471 00:19:45,258 --> 00:19:48,191 Or will your story acknowledge the very nature of stories 472 00:19:48,225 --> 00:19:50,224 and embrace the fact that sharing the sad ones 473 00:19:50,258 --> 00:19:51,590 can sometimes make them happy? 474 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,107 Ugh. 475 00:19:53,141 --> 00:19:56,391 Before you say anything... 476 00:19:56,425 --> 00:19:57,773 Nope, I've got nothing. 477 00:19:57,808 --> 00:19:59,690 Can you just forgive me? 478 00:20:04,425 --> 00:20:05,940 Yep. 479 00:20:05,975 --> 00:20:08,257 Why? 480 00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:11,140 Because we've all been there. 481 00:20:11,192 --> 00:20:13,274 Which is why we're all here. 482 00:20:17,858 --> 00:20:21,590 Aww! 483 00:20:21,608 --> 00:20:22,974 I'm a good Dean? 484 00:20:23,025 --> 00:20:25,441 Yeah. 485 00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:29,557 Can someone help me get a live possum out of my office? 486 00:20:29,591 --> 00:20:30,723 We could do that. 487 00:20:30,757 --> 00:20:33,773 It just keeps jumping and skittering. 488 00:20:33,808 --> 00:20:36,590 And you think you're prepared, and then it skitters again. 489 00:20:38,425 --> 00:20:39,590 Okay, scene's over. 490 00:20:39,608 --> 00:20:41,224 Hmm? 491 00:20:45,041 --> 00:20:48,537 sync by honeybunny, corrected by susanaLC www.addic7ed.com 492 00:20:51,725 --> 00:20:54,231 They'll be ready for you in 20 minutes, Mr. Garland. 493 00:20:55,477 --> 00:20:56,447 Great. 494 00:20:56,566 --> 00:20:58,388 I'm a star! 495 00:20:58,422 --> 00:20:59,821 Give me that. 496 00:20:59,855 --> 00:21:02,687 I will not be mitigated. 497 00:21:07,694 --> 00:21:08,787 Okay, you know what? 498 00:21:08,822 --> 00:21:10,537 I'm not coming out of this trailer 499 00:21:10,572 --> 00:21:12,854 until I get a new trailer. 500 00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:17,579 And get me a granola bar!