Wow, they found a way to make
the Human Being even creepier.
Covering him in icicles.
I think it's festive.
Yeah, my favorite
Christmas tradition
is trimming the Hellraiser.
Guys, found something
we can watch together for
Christmas this year.
The long-lost 1981 Inspector
Spacetime Holiday Special.
Runtime two-and-a-half hours.
So critically reviled
that after it aired,
the creator
had his knighthood revoked.
That sounds terrible.
I wanna watch it twice,
but I'm spending Christmas
with my relatives.
Or rather, I'm spending
the day with them
while they refuse
to acknowledge Christmas.
You Jehovah Witnesses,
so severe.
Andre and I are spending
Christmas giving gifts
to the more persuadable
of our Jewish friends.
I wouldn't call a visit
from your pastor a gift.
And don't bother this year. I'll
be at the movies with my bubbe.
You're not taking
both of them?
Well, one's dead.
What?
I was looking forward
to hanging out with you.
This semester's been
so long, dark, angry.
I was thinking
we could have some fun.
What we've learned
is that attempts
to make the holidays brighter
give them
a certain darkness.
I don't know
if I agree with that.
Actually, maybe I do.
Merry Christmas, Greendale.
Glee Club here,
reminding you that
our Christmas pageant is coming.
Next stop, regionals.
What are regionals? They never
stop talking about it.
Please tell me we were
not this obnoxious
the year we filled in.
T-minus five seconds till the
hip-hop remix. Four, three...
You're awfully quiet,
Jeff.
Nobody hates Glee Club
more than you.
I'm just content to sit back
and enjoy the show.
And now our pop music mash-up.
Elton Lil Jon Lennon.
Kick it.
Hey, tiny dancer.
Okay.
Stop!
Cease and desist.
Glee Club, meet ASCAP.
Protecting musical
copyrights since 1914.
They've received
an anonymous tip
unlicensed material
was being performed here
without the artists' permission.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Glee Club
just became History Club.
Oh, no! No!
No!
Why?
My soul is dead.
Oh!
Okay, anyone asks,
we were never here.
Why?
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST IT WAS HERE"
PLAYING]
The Glee Club
is at Westside Hospital,
recuperating from a collective
nervous breakdown.
This is the second Glee Club
we've lost in two years.
We might have to cancel
the Christmas pageant.
And to think they were
this close to regionals.
What the hell are regionals?
They're this close, Pierce.
Anyway, an old friend
wants to talk to you.
Your favorite Glee Club
instructor,
the dreamy and boyish
Mr. Cory Radison.
Uh... I thought I told you
to call me Mr. Rad.
Or Cory. Just don't
call me late to dinner.
Unless you're serving
Brussels sprouts.
Aah! I won't, I promise.
This guy's like human froyo.
Look, when the last Glee Club
died in that bus crash,
you guys stepped up.
You were the best gosh-darn
emergency substitutes
I've ever worked with.
Well, this time,
I'm not gonna kid you.
It won't be easy.
Oh.
Your best won't be good enough.
And 10 times your best
will be so bad,
I will yell at you.
But I promise,
if we dig down...
Pass.
Yeah.
Okay.
Don't you hurt him.
Mr. Rad?
I feel like
we let Mr. Rad down.
He let himself down
when he left the house
wearing a sweater vest.
I guess we did
have fun last time.
Did we?
I can hardly remember.
It's all a weird,
happy, musical fog.
It was like being on ecstasy,
only instead of having
pointless conversations
and dancing like idiots...
Wait.
It was exactly
like being on ecstasy.
That's what worries me
about this guy.
He's equal parts
Hanson and Manson.
Nobody let him corner you until
he is out of recruitment mode,
or next thing you know,
we'll all be caring about
Christmas pageants
and regionals.
You're right.
Agreed.
Gotcha.
What the hell are regionals?
What are you still doing here?
I thought I'd give her
one more tinkle
before I took down
decorations.
No Glee Club means no pageant,
means no Christmas.
Trying to make
things brighter
just would've
made more darkness.
That sounds like a certain
ex-lawyer talking.
I see a lot of myself in you,
Abed.
You care about your friends.
And you wish they cared more
about each other.
That's not an easy position
to be in sometimes.
I want my friends to have
a merry Christmas.
Well, maybe you could start
by giving them the greatest
Christmas gift of all.
What's that?
How's your piano
still playing this song?
Glee!
Thank you, Mr. Rad.
Don't break down the set yet.
I'm gonna try to get my friends
to be in the Christmas pageant.
Thank you, Abed.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas, Troy.
Abed, you look gleeful.
Don't you think
it might actually
be fun doing this pageant?
Abed, we hate the Glee Club.
Yeah. I guess
I just like liking things.
Abed.
Look, you know
I'd do anything you did, but...
I'm a Jehovah's Witness.
We're not supposed
to celebrate Christmas.
I've been thinking about that.
I may have a loophole.
What if you were
a Jehovah's Witness
merely pretending
to be into Christmas,
gathering clues to take down
the holidays from within?
You mean like a spy
investigating,
making it seem
like I'm celebrating,
when actually I'm infiltrating
Santa's operation?
Yoip!
This December
Hey, guys.
Rapping?
Yep. Wanna join us?
Totally.
Wait. You guys never
let me rap with you.
We're gonna need
all hands on deck
if we're gonna
go to regionals.
Cool.
I just need to study though.
In my room.
So have fun.
And then this morning I could
hear them in the bathroom
doing country mash-ups.
And they won't stop talking
about regionals.
Maybe it's nothing.
Yeah, if nothing
wears a sweater vest
and seems
aggressively asexual.
Let's all study for our final
in our old...
Where's our table?
Who's that guy?
You guys all see him too, right?
Hey, guys.
Merry Christmas, y'all.
Sorry about the rearrangement.
We need this space to rehearse.
But we're not
doing the pageant.
Look, guys,
I hear your negativity,
but also, can I counter
with this? Who hates glee?
Listen to how that sounds.
"Glee" literally
means "glee."
Oh, stop it. Not liking Glee
Club doesn't make us bullies.
And implying that
is reverse bullying.
Good point. Sing about it?
No!
I understand them,
but you, Pierce?
Your generation
invented music.
I don't know about invented.
Perfected, maybe.
Pierce, they're just
trying to pander
to your demographic's documented
historical vanity. Resist.
Abed, wasn't Santa Claus himself
part of Pierce's peer group?
I believe so.
One, two, three, four.
Aah!
Ow!
Pierce is on board.
That's great.
For the Christmas queen,
we can get Shirley or Annie.
They both have really strong
voices, natural vibrato.
There's also Britta.
Britta's adorable.
So Shirley or Annie
for the Christmas queen.
There's a leaf on Britta's head.
She's playing a tree.
And it's gonna be so fun.
Mr. Radison, who authorized you
to rearrange our study room?
Who do you think you are?
I'll tell you.
I'm scared to go
into the study room.
So many top hats in there.
I wish there was a way
we could stop all this.
I realize the stakes
aren't that high.
That just makes it extra scary.
I know.
Jeff, I think I know
what Mr. Rad is up to.
There's something
you have to see.
Mr. Rad plans to get every
single member of our study group
to join the Glee Club.
I don't know how
that's gonna happen.
I'll show you.
What...?
This is just one of
the many costume changes
I'll be doing
during the show.
We're a shoo-in for regionals,
right?
Annie, you too?
This is beneath you.
You are an intelligent woman.
Also, you're Jewish.
I guess I have a lot to learn
about holiday tradition.
Is this a bit?
Annie.
Oof! Oh-ho.
Eventually you hit a point
of diminishing returns
on the sexiness.
What's a dimin...?
Stay back, old man.
Don't even hum.
Shirley, Britta,
I have no intention of singing.
Good.
I can't speak for these angels,
though.
Oh.
Shirley,
you need to get out of here.
They're not gonna tell you.
That's what they do.
Oh, I gotta tell the babies.
Oh, Jeff, thank God.
They've got Shirley.
It's just you and me now.
Jeff?
Guys, I am swelling
with pride.
You stepped up and you saved
the Christmas pageant.
And it's all thanks to you,
Mr. Rad.
I just hope we can repay you
by making regionals.
I thought
this was regionals.
Don't let my confusion
undercut their importance.
Places, everyone.
Oh!
Great.
Okay, scooch, scooch, scooch.
I could not have done this
without your skills, Abed.
I was happy to do it.
I thought we were gonna end
the semester on a dark note.
I'm glad we're singing together
instead. It's been a good time.
It's going to continue
to be a good time.
If we win regionals,
it's straight on to sectionals.
And then a week later is semis,
then semi-regionals.
Then regional semis,
then national lower-zone semis.
Oh.
But I kind of
thought this was,
you know,
just for Christmas.
No, no, no.
This is forever.
This is what we do now.
This is who we are.
Britta.
Is this about regionals?
I talked to Cory, he needs
you to be the Mouse King.
Me? But I'm supposed
to be a mute tree.
It's an emergency.
This will help us
get to regionals.
I knew it.
Wait. What are the lyrics?
They're in your heart, Britta.
Right. Duh-doy.
What...?
Oh, Britta's in this?
No. She's ruining it.
No, stop, stop, stop.
What are you doing?
Get off the stage.
I'm singing my heart's song.
Get off the stage
and never sing again.
You are the worst.
Hey!
You do not get
to call Britta the worst.
Yeah!
Mr. Radison, I think it's fine.
Greendale is an
all-inclusive school.
Why don't we let Britta
sing her awkward song?
Yeah!
No, no, no!
This show is supposed to be
gleeful and bright and fun,
and you can let me do that or
there can be another bus crash!
Well, figuratively. Heh, heh.
I'm not saying
"I killed the last Glee Club."
I'm saying you not
listening to me
is like metaphorically cutting
the brake lines on your own...
Look, Kings of Leon.
What did he say?
Did Mr. Rad kill
the last Glee Club?
And to think
I trusted him enough
to captain a magic carpet
in that dream I had last night.
Maybe Jeff's right.
Forcing things to be bright
makes darkness
underneath darker.
This is all my fault
for insisting we do the pageant.
Sorry.
Merry Christmas.
I guess I'll just see you guys
after the holidays.
Happy Time Day, Reggie.
It is tradition
to give one's constable a gift
at the end of
each orbital cycle.
Oh, thank you, inspector.
Blimey! A hologram.
Mm-hm.
Let's activate it
and view the performance.
This is terrible.
We decided we wanted
to spend the holiday together.
It's been a dark semester.
I basically killed a guy.
And I kind of attacked you guys
with a fire ax.
I'm thinking about
seeing a new shrink.
What?
Don't.
Holy crap.
Look how terrible
this Christmas special is.
Ho, ho, ho.
Merry Time Day!
No, no... What...?
No, no, no. No!
No!