1 00:00:01,060 --> 00:00:06,310 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/ 2 00:00:01,559 --> 00:00:03,058 www.tvsubtitles.net 3 00:00:06,311 --> 00:00:09,338 mmm. 4 00:00:09,339 --> 00:00:10,838 Ugh. 5 00:00:10,839 --> 00:00:12,171 Hot 'n' brown's coffee really wakes me up 6 00:00:12,172 --> 00:00:13,805 to the fact that its coffee sucks. 7 00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,538 I miss having a coffee shop. 8 00:00:15,539 --> 00:00:17,088 Now where am I going to get my cappuccinos 9 00:00:17,089 --> 00:00:18,922 and Sarah McLachlan CDs? 10 00:00:18,923 --> 00:00:20,538 It wasn't that great. If had this space, 11 00:00:20,539 --> 00:00:22,705 I would have served fresh fruit and sandwiches, 12 00:00:22,706 --> 00:00:23,871 and I would've got rid 13 00:00:23,872 --> 00:00:25,204 of that take-a-penny, leave-a-penny nonsense. 14 00:00:25,205 --> 00:00:26,555 If the good lord wanted you to have a penny, 15 00:00:26,556 --> 00:00:28,505 - you'd have one. - Pierce... 16 00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:31,538 Why do you look like a wealthy murderer? 17 00:00:31,539 --> 00:00:33,088 I look like an entrepreneur. 18 00:00:33,089 --> 00:00:36,204 Now that my dad's gone, I'm expanding Hawthorne industries 19 00:00:36,205 --> 00:00:39,054 by investing in new products. 20 00:00:39,055 --> 00:00:42,538 - Like... these. - What's that? 21 00:00:42,539 --> 00:00:43,805 It's an automatic security camera 22 00:00:43,806 --> 00:00:45,838 that can tell your friends from intruders. 23 00:00:45,839 --> 00:00:47,204 How does it work? 24 00:00:47,205 --> 00:00:49,204 Your guests have arrived. 25 00:00:49,205 --> 00:00:52,338 Threat level four. 26 00:00:52,339 --> 00:00:53,555 Your guests have arrived. 27 00:00:53,556 --> 00:00:55,204 It's not calibrated. 28 00:00:55,205 --> 00:00:58,351 Wireless racism. The future of the past is now. 29 00:00:58,352 --> 00:01:00,755 Why don't you put your money into a good idea, like Shirley? 30 00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,555 Oh, I made that offer the first day I met her. 31 00:01:02,556 --> 00:01:04,037 She almost broke my nose. 32 00:01:04,038 --> 00:01:05,338 I mean, Shirley's good with food, 33 00:01:05,339 --> 00:01:08,255 you have capital, and Greendale has real estate. 34 00:01:08,256 --> 00:01:09,638 What are you talking about, Britta? 35 00:01:09,639 --> 00:01:11,305 I'm talking about the whole reason you came here... 36 00:01:11,306 --> 00:01:13,088 - To start a business. - Hmm. 37 00:01:13,089 --> 00:01:14,638 What do you think, Shirley? 38 00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:16,871 Should I have my people call your people? 39 00:01:16,872 --> 00:01:19,421 I mean, not your people. 40 00:01:19,422 --> 00:01:21,371 I could think about it. 41 00:01:24,172 --> 00:01:25,871 is Shirley Bennett in the house? 42 00:01:28,539 --> 00:01:30,204 the year was 1991. 43 00:01:31,589 --> 00:01:34,871 Andre, what are you doing here? 44 00:01:34,872 --> 00:01:35,971 Oh! 45 00:01:41,706 --> 00:01:43,204 Spring fling dance. 46 00:01:43,205 --> 00:01:46,421 See, that's where I first laid eyes on Shirley Edwards. 47 00:01:46,422 --> 00:01:50,400 A vision in hyper color and hammer pants. 48 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:54,204 Baby girl, I have loved you ever since there was a Soviet union 49 00:01:54,205 --> 00:01:56,037 - and only one Damon Wayans. - Oh. 50 00:01:56,038 --> 00:01:58,755 Baby, I know I've made mistakes, 51 00:01:58,756 --> 00:02:00,054 but I'm so happy we've made it through. 52 00:02:00,055 --> 00:02:02,371 But there's one thing, 53 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:05,018 something important, that we keep putting off. 54 00:02:05,019 --> 00:02:06,922 Oh. 55 00:02:06,923 --> 00:02:09,638 Will you, Shirley Bennett, 56 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:12,805 marry me, Andre Bennett, again? 57 00:02:12,806 --> 00:02:15,138 Yes, yes, again! 58 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:24,204 Shall I notify authorities? 59 00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:52,768 it's cool that Andre and Shirley are getting married again. 60 00:02:52,769 --> 00:02:54,810 There's a whole generation of viewers that didn't get to see the original. 61 00:02:54,811 --> 00:02:57,088 Let's hope it's more of a bale than a Kilmer situation. 62 00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:58,838 Second weddings are okay, I guess. 63 00:02:58,839 --> 00:03:00,338 If I had to rank 'em, uh... 64 00:03:00,339 --> 00:03:02,772 It would go fourth, seventh, second, 65 00:03:02,773 --> 00:03:05,138 fifth, first, third, sixth. 66 00:03:05,139 --> 00:03:07,288 - No, wait... first then fifth. - Got it... 67 00:03:07,289 --> 00:03:09,488 Fourth, seventh, second, first, fifth, third, sixth. 68 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,638 When's our culture gonna outgrow this wedding thing? 69 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:13,371 You're anti-wedding, now? 70 00:03:13,372 --> 00:03:14,893 No, she's just pro-anti. 71 00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:16,471 No to everything you both said. 72 00:03:16,472 --> 00:03:18,705 Weddings are like little girls' tea parties, 73 00:03:18,706 --> 00:03:20,371 except the women are the stuffed animals, 74 00:03:20,372 --> 00:03:22,338 the men are making them talk, 75 00:03:22,339 --> 00:03:23,672 and they're not drinking tea, 76 00:03:23,673 --> 00:03:25,705 they're drinking antiquated gender roles. 77 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,688 Somebody tell Britta what an analogy is. 78 00:03:27,689 --> 00:03:29,204 I know what it is. 79 00:03:29,205 --> 00:03:33,037 It's like a thought with another thought's hat on. 80 00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:34,371 Hmm. 81 00:03:34,372 --> 00:03:36,388 Look, I can't get behind this marriage thing, either. 82 00:03:36,389 --> 00:03:37,672 It was invented back 83 00:03:37,673 --> 00:03:39,588 when "till death" meant "till your first cold." 84 00:03:39,589 --> 00:03:42,038 I mean, life's too long to spend it with someone else. 85 00:03:42,039 --> 00:03:43,888 - It's a sucker's game. - It's a mutual cop out. 86 00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:46,588 I mean, just nut up and die alone. 87 00:03:46,589 --> 00:03:48,255 - Mmm. - Hello. 88 00:03:48,256 --> 00:03:50,154 Oh, my God, we're so happy for you! 89 00:03:50,155 --> 00:03:52,054 - You are glowing. - I know, isn't it exciting? 90 00:03:52,055 --> 00:03:53,672 The rehearsal is in two days, 91 00:03:53,673 --> 00:03:54,805 and the wedding is the day after that, 92 00:03:54,806 --> 00:03:56,037 on our anniversary. 93 00:03:56,038 --> 00:03:57,371 And I'm sure you all can make it, 94 00:03:57,372 --> 00:03:59,101 because you're already here. 95 00:03:59,102 --> 00:04:00,602 You're having your wedding in the study room? 96 00:04:00,603 --> 00:04:01,705 Our church has certain policies 97 00:04:01,706 --> 00:04:03,871 regarding things like second weddings, 98 00:04:03,872 --> 00:04:05,588 and tight jeans and... 99 00:04:05,589 --> 00:04:06,971 Calico cats. 100 00:04:06,972 --> 00:04:09,004 Um, Jeff, I was wondering if you would do us the honor 101 00:04:09,005 --> 00:04:11,154 of giving a toast at our wedding? 102 00:04:11,155 --> 00:04:12,305 Good idea! 103 00:04:12,306 --> 00:04:14,438 Jeff has a lot of thoughts about marriage. 104 00:04:14,439 --> 00:04:15,805 I would be honored. 105 00:04:15,805 --> 00:04:18,204 Shirley, do you need any help with your wedding? 106 00:04:18,205 --> 00:04:19,455 This probably sounds silly, 107 00:04:19,456 --> 00:04:21,471 but every time I see a wedding idea I like, 108 00:04:21,472 --> 00:04:22,722 I put it in a little scrapbook. 109 00:04:22,723 --> 00:04:25,405 Oh, that's nice. Ooh. 110 00:04:25,406 --> 00:04:26,638 We can help too. We just saw 111 00:04:26,639 --> 00:04:28,037 the inspector spacetime wedding episode, 112 00:04:28,038 --> 00:04:29,588 so we know what pitfalls to avoid. 113 00:04:29,589 --> 00:04:31,555 Be sure to get a DNA reading of your prospective mate. 114 00:04:31,556 --> 00:04:33,560 Inspector spacetime ended up marrying himself as a baby. 115 00:04:33,561 --> 00:04:34,722 I think I got this. 116 00:04:34,723 --> 00:04:36,672 Everyone just come and... 117 00:04:36,673 --> 00:04:39,705 Relax and behave normally. 118 00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:47,355 That's the noise people make when they're offended 119 00:04:47,356 --> 00:04:48,538 in all the movies that Annie rents. 120 00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,221 - We'll try not to embarrass you 121 00:04:50,222 --> 00:04:52,338 at your community college library wedding. 122 00:04:52,339 --> 00:04:53,705 - Thank you. - Oh, Shirley, 123 00:04:53,706 --> 00:04:55,388 I managed to set up a meeting with the Dean, 124 00:04:55,389 --> 00:04:57,436 so we can pitch him our sandwich shop idea. 125 00:04:57,437 --> 00:04:59,436 I've already registered a website... 126 00:04:59,437 --> 00:05:04,588 It's, uh, h-t-t-p, colon, forward slash, forward slash, 127 00:05:04,589 --> 00:05:07,321 w-w-w, period, members, period, 128 00:05:07,322 --> 00:05:10,810 webplicity custom sites... All one word... period, 129 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,754 - c-o... - Oh, I don't know, Pierce. 130 00:05:12,755 --> 00:05:14,938 I'm way too busy for that now with the wedding and everything. 131 00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,438 Bye-bye, everybody. 132 00:05:16,439 --> 00:05:18,555 - I have to practice my walk. - Ooh. 133 00:05:21,139 --> 00:05:22,305 Great. 134 00:05:22,306 --> 00:05:24,686 Another business venture down the toilet. 135 00:05:24,687 --> 00:05:27,438 No problem, I've still got plan "C." 136 00:05:28,604 --> 00:05:31,204 Ladies and gentlemen, the trouser bench. 137 00:05:35,539 --> 00:05:37,688 For the man on the go who makes frequent stops. 138 00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:43,305 Will somebody please call all the ambulances? 139 00:05:43,306 --> 00:05:44,471 I can't believe Shirley. 140 00:05:44,472 --> 00:05:45,655 We should show up at this wedding 141 00:05:45,656 --> 00:05:46,971 and be the most normal people in the world. 142 00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:48,204 Yeah, I could go as normal man 143 00:05:48,205 --> 00:05:49,754 and you could be my trusty sidekick ordinario. 144 00:05:49,755 --> 00:05:52,471 No. That's already weird. 145 00:05:52,472 --> 00:05:53,837 We'd be playing into her hand. 146 00:05:53,838 --> 00:05:57,088 We should just show up wearing boring gray suits 147 00:05:57,089 --> 00:05:59,804 with gray ties and gray shirts. 148 00:05:59,805 --> 00:06:01,255 We could dye our hair gray. 149 00:06:01,256 --> 00:06:03,505 And then we could lay down on the sidewalk and be invisible. 150 00:06:03,506 --> 00:06:05,138 You know, maybe Shirley's got a point. 151 00:06:05,139 --> 00:06:06,921 I have an idea. 152 00:06:06,922 --> 00:06:09,394 What if we purged all the weirdness from our systems? 153 00:06:09,395 --> 00:06:11,505 - You mean... - A full 24-hour weird-down 154 00:06:11,506 --> 00:06:12,804 in the dreamatorium. 155 00:06:12,805 --> 00:06:14,588 Just you, me, and our imaginations... no restraints. 156 00:06:14,589 --> 00:06:16,921 By the wedding, our temptation to act weird will be gone. 157 00:06:16,922 --> 00:06:19,338 I'm feeling more normal already. 158 00:06:19,339 --> 00:06:21,037 - Crab walk home? - Yeah. 159 00:06:24,306 --> 00:06:28,255 Shirley, my ninth-grade english teacher used to say, 160 00:06:28,256 --> 00:06:30,671 "there will always be a reason not to follow your dreams." 161 00:06:30,672 --> 00:06:33,221 At the time, he meant I was under the age of consent. 162 00:06:33,222 --> 00:06:35,171 But his words still apply. 163 00:06:35,172 --> 00:06:37,971 Are you sure your wedding is the reason you're bailing 164 00:06:37,972 --> 00:06:40,088 - on this business with Pierce? - Uh, in the words 165 00:06:40,089 --> 00:06:41,870 of my ninth-grade english teacher, 166 00:06:41,871 --> 00:06:43,921 "you are dippin' and dappin' and don't know what's happenin'." 167 00:06:43,922 --> 00:06:45,338 Fine, we both went to public school. 168 00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:47,471 It's just that I don't want to see you slide 169 00:06:47,472 --> 00:06:50,004 - into your old comfort zone. - You don't know that. 170 00:06:50,005 --> 00:06:52,971 I am gonna start a business... Soon! 171 00:06:52,972 --> 00:06:55,338 I can't help it if I have floral arrangements to pick 172 00:06:55,339 --> 00:06:56,538 and a DJ to hire... 173 00:06:56,539 --> 00:06:57,971 Shirley, if that really is your excuse, 174 00:06:57,972 --> 00:07:00,904 I will plan your wedding for you! 175 00:07:06,805 --> 00:07:08,255 Ooh-hoo! Thank you. 176 00:07:08,256 --> 00:07:09,837 Oh, my good God. Thank you for that. 177 00:07:09,838 --> 00:07:13,188 I was serious. 178 00:07:15,922 --> 00:07:17,269 Britta, you're not planning my wedding. 179 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,138 - What if Annie helps? - Oh, hey, guys. 180 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,637 Did someone say "Annie", "help,"wedding," 181 00:07:21,638 --> 00:07:23,471 and something about maybe hydrangeas? 182 00:07:23,472 --> 00:07:24,721 Shirley, you can lie to yourself, 183 00:07:24,722 --> 00:07:26,138 but you can't lie to me. 184 00:07:26,139 --> 00:07:30,394 Do not use your second wedding as an excuse to limit yourself. 185 00:07:30,395 --> 00:07:33,394 Pierce, come here. 186 00:07:33,395 --> 00:07:37,894 Shirley, do you take this man to be your business partner? 187 00:07:37,895 --> 00:07:39,768 - Mmm, I guess. - Sure. 188 00:07:39,769 --> 00:07:41,721 I had to shelve the trouser bench anyway. 189 00:07:41,722 --> 00:07:43,555 There are still some parts of the prototype 190 00:07:43,556 --> 00:07:47,271 that need to be extracted. 191 00:07:47,272 --> 00:07:49,888 Maybe you're misunderstanding? 192 00:07:49,889 --> 00:07:52,721 I mean, from my butt. 193 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,204 Excuse me. 194 00:07:58,205 --> 00:08:00,010 Meet Shirley, 195 00:08:00,011 --> 00:08:02,907 she's modern, she's urban, she's fun, and she's hungry. 196 00:08:02,908 --> 00:08:06,074 You probably notice she's black, but not a stereotype... 197 00:08:06,075 --> 00:08:08,407 - Suburban black. - Is she suburban or urban? 198 00:08:08,408 --> 00:08:09,823 She's half-urban. 199 00:08:09,824 --> 00:08:12,606 Let's say... Writer's secret, bad pitch... 200 00:08:12,607 --> 00:08:15,723 Her father's a record producer, her mother's a Shirelle. 201 00:08:15,724 --> 00:08:17,857 We're supposed to be preparing a business pitch. 202 00:08:17,858 --> 00:08:20,557 What about revenue projections? What are the margins gonna be? 203 00:08:20,558 --> 00:08:22,541 Shirley, Shirley, Shirley, 204 00:08:22,542 --> 00:08:24,556 Shirley, Shirley, Shirley, Shirley. 205 00:08:24,557 --> 00:08:27,823 Sweet, innocent Shirley. 206 00:08:27,824 --> 00:08:30,407 - What was the question? - Look, 207 00:08:30,408 --> 00:08:32,656 this was Britta's stupid idea. 208 00:08:32,657 --> 00:08:34,340 I'd rather be with my man, planning my wedding, 209 00:08:34,341 --> 00:08:37,457 and you'd clearly rather be with Halle Berry in 1999. 210 00:08:37,458 --> 00:08:40,573 Pleasure not doing business with you. 211 00:08:40,574 --> 00:08:44,491 Shirley, Hawthorne wipes fired me. 212 00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:50,440 They were just waiting for my dad to be out of the picture. 213 00:08:50,441 --> 00:08:52,240 I'm not an entrepreneur. 214 00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:54,273 I'm just a kid with a bunch of money, I... 215 00:08:56,408 --> 00:08:58,606 Please, please, help me be somebody. 216 00:08:58,607 --> 00:09:01,606 Let me invest in you. 217 00:09:07,108 --> 00:09:09,540 First thing we need to figure out is our overhead. 218 00:09:09,541 --> 00:09:10,873 Do you have a pen? 219 00:09:10,874 --> 00:09:12,907 Yeah. 220 00:09:12,908 --> 00:09:14,491 Oops. 221 00:09:14,492 --> 00:09:16,324 These pockets. 222 00:09:16,325 --> 00:09:17,940 Do you know someone that can buy a pen? 223 00:09:17,941 --> 00:09:18,979 Yes! 224 00:09:18,980 --> 00:09:20,907 Well, have you thought about the color story 225 00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:22,074 for your wedding? 226 00:09:22,075 --> 00:09:23,157 He means the theme of the wedding. 227 00:09:23,158 --> 00:09:24,823 - Right, Dale? - Mm-hmm. 228 00:09:24,824 --> 00:09:26,074 Same theme as every wedding... 229 00:09:26,075 --> 00:09:28,307 Conformity, blind participation, and patriarchal... 230 00:09:28,308 --> 00:09:30,124 - What about pink? - We don't call it pink. 231 00:09:30,125 --> 00:09:31,656 We don't call anything by its name. 232 00:09:31,657 --> 00:09:33,374 That's, like, day-one floral school stuff. 233 00:09:33,375 --> 00:09:35,490 This is citrine. This is opalescent. 234 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:38,040 This is sea glass, cameo, and cerulean. 235 00:09:38,041 --> 00:09:40,606 Come on, how difficult is this? 236 00:09:40,607 --> 00:09:42,873 You do one of these, one of these, 237 00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:45,074 one of these, this one, 238 00:09:45,075 --> 00:09:48,273 this one and, like, stick a ribbon on it. Happy? 239 00:09:51,041 --> 00:09:52,940 Britta, that's a really beautiful arrangement. 240 00:09:52,941 --> 00:09:54,790 Color me lavender. 241 00:09:54,791 --> 00:09:56,407 "Lavender" means "impressed." 242 00:09:56,408 --> 00:09:59,790 Yeah, well, great... Flowers look good in a pot. 243 00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:01,540 There are people dying in Uganda. 244 00:10:03,125 --> 00:10:05,074 Got it. 245 00:10:05,075 --> 00:10:06,907 What! [Ericahum, glass shatters, cow moos] 246 00:10:06,908 --> 00:10:08,240 Ugh! 247 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,307 - Ahh, ahh, ahh. - Don't eat my skin! 248 00:10:10,308 --> 00:10:13,074 I am shaving everything! 249 00:10:13,075 --> 00:10:15,790 - Well, that should do it. - Yeah. 250 00:10:15,791 --> 00:10:17,606 My God, isn't tonight Shirley's wedding rehearsal? 251 00:10:17,607 --> 00:10:18,740 Look at how we're dressed. 252 00:10:18,741 --> 00:10:20,007 Yes, this simply won't do. 253 00:10:20,008 --> 00:10:21,207 Let's change into something appropriate 254 00:10:21,208 --> 00:10:22,456 for the occasion and be on our way. 255 00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:23,573 I agree. 256 00:10:23,574 --> 00:10:27,439 Troy and Abed being normal. 257 00:10:30,741 --> 00:10:32,207 Annie! 258 00:10:32,208 --> 00:10:34,723 - I need your help. 259 00:10:34,724 --> 00:10:37,740 Um, you're, like, sentimental and stuff. 260 00:10:37,741 --> 00:10:39,074 Oh! 261 00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:40,590 I'm really having trouble coming up with a toast. 262 00:10:40,591 --> 00:10:42,374 I find that hard to believe, Jeff. 263 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,590 You once convinced Troy 264 00:10:43,591 --> 00:10:45,090 that turtlenecks were made of turtles' necks. 265 00:10:45,091 --> 00:10:48,074 It's true, my superpower is that I can assume any position 266 00:10:48,075 --> 00:10:50,157 that suits my purpose. In that example... 267 00:10:50,158 --> 00:10:52,407 Keeping turtlenecks as an option for myself, down the road. 268 00:10:52,408 --> 00:10:54,490 But I do have a kryptonite. 269 00:10:54,491 --> 00:10:56,790 It's so obvious to me that marriage is dumb, 270 00:10:56,791 --> 00:10:58,324 I can't even pretend to get behind it. 271 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,040 You know what I think would make the perfect toast? 272 00:11:00,041 --> 00:11:03,107 You, as Shirley's friend and a good guy, 273 00:11:03,108 --> 00:11:04,907 just saying what's really in your heart. 274 00:11:04,908 --> 00:11:08,040 There's something real in there. 275 00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:11,773 Maybe that's what scares you. 276 00:11:22,156 --> 00:11:24,040 I could use a drink. 277 00:11:24,041 --> 00:11:26,273 Shirley's sandwiches can offer students 278 00:11:26,274 --> 00:11:28,107 more food for less money, and provide the campus 279 00:11:28,108 --> 00:11:29,707 with a higher percentage of the profits. 280 00:11:29,708 --> 00:11:30,740 Pierce, put up the next slide. 281 00:11:30,741 --> 00:11:32,673 That's me! 282 00:11:32,674 --> 00:11:35,406 Where'd I get all that money I'm holding? 283 00:11:35,407 --> 00:11:36,823 I'm gonna tell you the three reasons 284 00:11:36,824 --> 00:11:38,790 that Shirley's sandwiches and your cafeteria are going 285 00:11:38,791 --> 00:11:39,990 to be successful. 286 00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,790 Well, then I'm writing this down, hmm? 287 00:11:41,791 --> 00:11:43,773 Wait. 288 00:11:43,774 --> 00:11:45,540 Here's a pen. 289 00:11:45,541 --> 00:11:47,790 Thank you. 290 00:11:57,541 --> 00:11:58,873 Britta, you're really good at this. 291 00:11:58,874 --> 00:12:01,406 - I know. - What's wrong with you? 292 00:12:01,407 --> 00:12:03,690 This may shock you, Annie, but I come from a long line 293 00:12:03,691 --> 00:12:06,406 - of wives and mothers. - Many do. 294 00:12:06,407 --> 00:12:08,290 But I ran away from it my whole life. 295 00:12:08,291 --> 00:12:10,707 I refused to give Santa a christmas list, 296 00:12:10,708 --> 00:12:12,940 because I didn't want to depend on any man for anything. 297 00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,207 And now, look at me! 298 00:12:14,208 --> 00:12:16,490 I'm Betty Crocker. I'm Martha Stewart. 299 00:12:16,491 --> 00:12:18,523 I'm one of the Steppenwolf wives. 300 00:12:18,524 --> 00:12:21,323 Ohh, God. 301 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,207 I'm gonna make some man very happy someday. 302 00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:25,540 Ooh. Easy. Slow down. 303 00:12:25,541 --> 00:12:26,890 What's with you guys? 304 00:12:26,891 --> 00:12:28,057 We de-whimsified ourselves. 305 00:12:28,058 --> 00:12:29,406 Yep. We're normal now. 306 00:12:29,407 --> 00:12:31,740 Oh. Good? 307 00:12:31,741 --> 00:12:33,273 Hey, anybody seen Shirley? 308 00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:34,790 What? Shirley's late to the rehearsal for her wedding? 309 00:12:34,791 --> 00:12:35,957 Oh, my. 310 00:12:35,958 --> 00:12:37,723 Hey, man. You don't have to be sarcastic. 311 00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:38,957 I'm not being sarcastic. 312 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,439 We're heavily invested in your situation. 313 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:41,873 Nothing's more important to us 314 00:12:41,874 --> 00:12:43,773 than your second wedding's rehearsal going smoothly. 315 00:12:43,774 --> 00:12:47,773 Walk away, man. 316 00:12:51,125 --> 00:12:53,373 Hey! Did you think of a toast? 317 00:12:53,374 --> 00:12:54,456 Well, yeah. 318 00:12:54,457 --> 00:12:56,157 Uh, I had a drink, 319 00:12:56,158 --> 00:12:58,289 and I looked in my heart, 320 00:12:58,290 --> 00:13:02,273 and here's what I got so far... 321 00:13:02,274 --> 00:13:04,074 "Webster's dictionary defines..." 322 00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:05,556 Gah! Stop! 323 00:13:05,557 --> 00:13:07,373 "Webster's dictionary defines"? 324 00:13:07,374 --> 00:13:09,606 That's the Jim Belushi of speech openings... 325 00:13:09,607 --> 00:13:11,406 It accomplishes nothing, but everyone keeps using it 326 00:13:11,407 --> 00:13:13,573 - and nobody understands why. - Yeah, well, it's all I got. 327 00:13:13,574 --> 00:13:16,074 That took me eight hours and six macallan neatses. 328 00:13:16,075 --> 00:13:18,406 Look, I'm sorry, I just don't believe in marriage. 329 00:13:18,407 --> 00:13:19,907 I do. It's inevitable. 330 00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:25,390 And then I'd put a counter across here and the ovens there. 331 00:13:25,391 --> 00:13:26,907 Okay, okay. 332 00:13:26,908 --> 00:13:30,439 And how fiscal will the quarterly earnings be? 333 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:31,990 Well, initially, the fiscal... 334 00:13:31,991 --> 00:13:33,107 Wait, that question makes no sense. 335 00:13:33,108 --> 00:13:34,406 Ah! I know. 336 00:13:34,407 --> 00:13:36,790 I just want to sound as good at business as you are. 337 00:13:36,791 --> 00:13:38,790 I probably shouldn't say this, 338 00:13:38,791 --> 00:13:41,207 but I cannot believe you learned all this at Greendale. 339 00:13:41,208 --> 00:13:44,239 - You're very professional. - I am, aren't I? 340 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,490 I brought sodas, so we can toast to our futures. 341 00:13:47,491 --> 00:13:49,773 Look at me now, dad. 342 00:13:49,774 --> 00:13:51,107 Dad? Oh, my God, 343 00:13:51,108 --> 00:13:52,456 I'm supposed to be looking like a bride 344 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:55,540 for my wedding rehearsal to the dad of my children. 345 00:13:55,541 --> 00:13:57,490 That was... 346 00:13:57,491 --> 00:13:59,707 And odd dot to connect. 347 00:14:04,457 --> 00:14:07,323 give me another. 348 00:14:07,324 --> 00:14:08,373 Mmm. 349 00:14:12,191 --> 00:14:14,823 What's with you? 350 00:14:14,824 --> 00:14:16,623 This is who I am. 351 00:14:16,624 --> 00:14:17,990 Andre, sorry I'm late. 352 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,289 I have wonderful news. 353 00:14:19,290 --> 00:14:21,957 - Where were you? - Uh, getting wonderful news. 354 00:14:21,958 --> 00:14:23,439 The Dean loved our pitch and... 355 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,707 Your pitch? 356 00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:26,289 Woman, I've been waiting for you for two hours. 357 00:14:26,290 --> 00:14:27,473 Oh, no. Has it been that long? 358 00:14:27,474 --> 00:14:28,740 I'm so sorry. 359 00:14:28,741 --> 00:14:30,573 Don't you dare use your sexy voice on me. 360 00:14:30,574 --> 00:14:32,907 Ohh. 361 00:14:32,908 --> 00:14:34,206 It's just a rehearsal. 362 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,740 Lord knows we've done it before. 363 00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:37,923 That's not the point. 364 00:14:37,924 --> 00:14:39,456 Shirley, I thought this wedding was supposed 365 00:14:39,457 --> 00:14:41,289 to be the start of us getting back to normal. 366 00:14:41,290 --> 00:14:42,773 - Back to normal? - Yes. 367 00:14:42,774 --> 00:14:44,873 I need to not be Mr. Mom anymore. 368 00:14:44,874 --> 00:14:47,040 Okay, I got to get back to my stereo business. 369 00:14:47,041 --> 00:14:48,790 You know my store's been struggling. 370 00:14:48,791 --> 00:14:50,239 I'm sorry, Andre, 371 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,540 but "normal" went out the door the day you did. 372 00:14:52,541 --> 00:14:54,573 Well, if we can't get back to the way things were, 373 00:14:54,574 --> 00:14:56,540 why the hell are we getting remarried? 374 00:15:02,874 --> 00:15:04,840 Oy... 375 00:15:04,841 --> 00:15:06,690 These shrimp are to die for. 376 00:15:11,850 --> 00:15:13,784 Yah, yah, yah! 377 00:15:13,785 --> 00:15:15,867 Yah, yah, yah! 378 00:15:15,868 --> 00:15:17,067 Walk the plank. 379 00:15:17,068 --> 00:15:19,200 I think you've mistaken us for pirates. 380 00:15:19,201 --> 00:15:21,183 We are community college students. 381 00:15:23,118 --> 00:15:25,084 Abed, I just had an odd thought. 382 00:15:25,085 --> 00:15:26,617 What if once you go from being weird to normal, 383 00:15:26,618 --> 00:15:28,350 you can never go back to being weird again? 384 00:15:28,351 --> 00:15:29,734 That is an odd thought. 385 00:15:29,735 --> 00:15:31,017 Well, let's hope it's the last. 386 00:15:31,018 --> 00:15:34,617 Cheers to that, my everyday friend. 387 00:15:34,618 --> 00:15:35,867 Hello, everyone. 388 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:39,867 Shirley asked me to say something nice at her wedding. 389 00:15:39,868 --> 00:15:42,233 - This is the rehearsal. - Shut up, Leonard! 390 00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:44,517 Those teenage girls you play ping-pong with are doing it ironically. 391 00:15:44,518 --> 00:15:46,150 Well! 392 00:15:46,151 --> 00:15:47,700 I searched my heart... 393 00:15:47,701 --> 00:15:51,317 For something nice to say at a wedding. 394 00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,984 And I found nothing, so I had a drink. 395 00:15:53,985 --> 00:15:57,034 And then I looked real hard. 396 00:15:57,035 --> 00:16:00,700 And you know what I found? 397 00:16:00,701 --> 00:16:04,700 My daddy said he would stay with my mommy forever, 398 00:16:04,701 --> 00:16:06,417 and he left! 399 00:16:06,418 --> 00:16:09,484 Marriage is a lie! Nobody commits to this! 400 00:16:09,485 --> 00:16:10,951 Nobody stays with anybody forever, 401 00:16:10,952 --> 00:16:12,984 so why do we keep lying? 402 00:16:12,985 --> 00:16:14,183 I'm gonna stay with somebody forever. 403 00:16:14,184 --> 00:16:16,734 It's in my stupid DNA. 404 00:16:16,735 --> 00:16:20,450 I was born to be a wife and that's all I'm ever gonna be! 405 00:16:20,451 --> 00:16:21,850 You expect anyone here to believe that? 406 00:16:21,851 --> 00:16:24,450 I don't care if anybody believes it, jackass! 407 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,350 - It's a fact! - Prove it, ding dong! 408 00:16:26,351 --> 00:16:27,734 There are a lot of layers to this. 409 00:16:27,735 --> 00:16:30,167 It's almost too conceptual to follow, but... 410 00:16:30,168 --> 00:16:31,734 I love it. 411 00:16:31,735 --> 00:16:33,767 So that's what this was all about, Andre? 412 00:16:33,768 --> 00:16:35,283 Just about wanting me back in the kitchen? 413 00:16:35,284 --> 00:16:37,150 I thought you loved being a wife and a mother. 414 00:16:37,151 --> 00:16:38,350 Of course, but can't you see 415 00:16:38,351 --> 00:16:39,400 that's not all I'm about anymore. 416 00:16:39,401 --> 00:16:41,217 Hi, sorry, don't want to interrupt. 417 00:16:41,218 --> 00:16:43,951 But you are cordially invited to prevent a disaster. 418 00:16:43,952 --> 00:16:46,534 I promise to put your dreams before mine. 419 00:16:46,535 --> 00:16:48,133 I promise to bottle up my repulsion 420 00:16:48,134 --> 00:16:49,683 at the sight of your hair in the drain. 421 00:16:49,684 --> 00:16:52,901 I promise to earn no more than 70% of what you would make 422 00:16:52,902 --> 00:16:54,183 at the same job. 423 00:16:54,184 --> 00:16:55,734 - What about babies? - What about 'em? 424 00:16:55,735 --> 00:16:56,984 - How many? - Pick a number, dick! 425 00:16:56,985 --> 00:16:58,116 Like, it's up to me! 426 00:16:58,117 --> 00:16:59,901 What in God's name are you two doing? 427 00:16:59,902 --> 00:17:01,367 Getting married. 428 00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,017 What does it look like we're doing? 429 00:17:03,018 --> 00:17:05,350 You two are damn fools. Oh, sorry. 430 00:17:05,351 --> 00:17:07,350 - I'll allow it. - I am a fool. 431 00:17:07,351 --> 00:17:11,400 I was a fool to think I wasn't destined for a life of this. 432 00:17:11,401 --> 00:17:12,683 I mean, look around. 433 00:17:12,684 --> 00:17:15,617 Can you even imagine what kind of wedding I could throw 434 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,517 if I actually gave a crap? 435 00:17:17,518 --> 00:17:20,517 - No offense. - Knock it off. 436 00:17:20,518 --> 00:17:22,734 Being good at weddings doesn't make you good at marriage. 437 00:17:22,735 --> 00:17:23,867 Exactly. 438 00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,116 People can make all sorts of promises, 439 00:17:25,117 --> 00:17:26,734 but they never stick it out. 440 00:17:26,735 --> 00:17:28,901 It's not something you just stick out, man, all right? 441 00:17:28,902 --> 00:17:30,116 It's a risk that you take together. 442 00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:32,016 And you don't just promise it once. 443 00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:33,817 You got to promise it every day. 444 00:17:33,818 --> 00:17:35,400 Yes, but the person you're making promises to 445 00:17:35,401 --> 00:17:37,817 is going to change. You have to accept that. 446 00:17:37,818 --> 00:17:40,817 I do. But do you promise to be patient 447 00:17:40,818 --> 00:17:43,350 when that person's stereo business takes a little while 448 00:17:43,351 --> 00:17:45,350 - to get off the ground. - I do, but... 449 00:17:45,351 --> 00:17:47,300 Do you accept that ten years is more than a little while 450 00:17:47,301 --> 00:17:48,784 and that iPods aren't going away, 451 00:17:48,785 --> 00:17:52,817 and maybe it's time to let somebody else take the lead? 452 00:17:52,818 --> 00:17:53,951 I do. 453 00:17:53,952 --> 00:17:56,233 You do? 454 00:17:56,234 --> 00:17:59,567 Yes, baby, I swear I do. 455 00:17:59,568 --> 00:18:01,534 Then I promise I will do whatever it takes 456 00:18:01,535 --> 00:18:03,283 to make this work forever. 457 00:18:03,284 --> 00:18:05,317 Oh! 458 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,683 Well, in that case, let's rehearse this bad boy. 459 00:18:07,684 --> 00:18:08,983 - Mm-hmm. - Actually, 460 00:18:08,984 --> 00:18:10,400 you pretty much just married each other. 461 00:18:10,401 --> 00:18:12,200 If you let me pronounce you man and wife, 462 00:18:12,201 --> 00:18:13,650 you can kiss the bride 463 00:18:13,651 --> 00:18:15,951 and you can save like, um, 70 bucks. 464 00:18:15,952 --> 00:18:17,517 - What do you say, baby? - Mmm. 465 00:18:17,518 --> 00:18:19,300 Mm-hmm. 466 00:18:19,301 --> 00:18:21,484 Done and done. Husband and wife. 467 00:18:21,485 --> 00:18:23,567 - Now how about it? 468 00:18:23,568 --> 00:18:27,650 Let's party! 469 00:18:27,651 --> 00:18:29,901 Lame. 470 00:18:47,518 --> 00:18:48,517 Abed. 471 00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:49,650 Abed! Abed! 472 00:18:49,651 --> 00:18:51,484 We're weird. We need to be weird. 473 00:18:51,485 --> 00:18:53,033 You want to see something weird? Check out this dance. 474 00:18:53,034 --> 00:18:54,700 Uh, what did you call this? The "Lindbergh lean"? 475 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,183 What'll they think of next? 476 00:19:00,234 --> 00:19:02,567 Inspector spacetime... 477 00:19:02,568 --> 00:19:04,867 Ohh, thank the cosmic engineer I found you. 478 00:19:04,868 --> 00:19:06,317 Troy, this is hardly the time. 479 00:19:06,318 --> 00:19:08,683 Or is it hardly the space? 480 00:19:08,684 --> 00:19:09,983 Okay, I see what you did there. 481 00:19:09,984 --> 00:19:11,367 But now I have to get back to my Lindbergh lean 482 00:19:11,368 --> 00:19:12,983 with, uh... I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. 483 00:19:12,984 --> 00:19:15,317 Inspector... What sort of creature 484 00:19:15,318 --> 00:19:19,183 would do a dance called the Lindbergh lean? 485 00:19:19,184 --> 00:19:21,283 - Blorgons? - Blorgons. 486 00:19:21,284 --> 00:19:23,283 My name's Danielle. 487 00:19:23,284 --> 00:19:26,517 Constable Reggie, it appears the Blorgons have developed 488 00:19:26,518 --> 00:19:29,950 - the ability to take human form. - Weirdos. 489 00:19:31,635 --> 00:19:35,484 Your photonic bowler hat. 490 00:19:37,034 --> 00:19:38,867 Ahh. 491 00:19:38,868 --> 00:19:40,183 Blorgon patrol. 492 00:19:40,184 --> 00:19:43,200 Shirley, I have some good news and bad news. 493 00:19:43,201 --> 00:19:46,617 The good news is the board loved your sandwich shop idea. 494 00:19:47,851 --> 00:19:50,116 The bad news is that they made a few calls 495 00:19:50,117 --> 00:19:51,784 and sold the space to subway, the sandwich place. 496 00:19:51,785 --> 00:19:54,142 What? Pierce and I put a lot of work into that idea. 497 00:19:54,143 --> 00:19:56,784 - How could you do this, Dean? - I'm sorry! 498 00:19:56,785 --> 00:19:58,317 The board went over my head on this one. 499 00:19:58,318 --> 00:20:01,033 And I don't remember being invited to your wedding, 500 00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:04,116 so I guess we're even on the hurting-each-other front. 501 00:20:04,117 --> 00:20:08,283 I'm a blast at weddings. 502 00:20:08,284 --> 00:20:10,066 There go all my dreams. 503 00:20:10,067 --> 00:20:11,850 This is just a setback. 504 00:20:11,851 --> 00:20:14,133 You don't have to give up just because of subway. 505 00:20:14,134 --> 00:20:16,100 Guess I better go break the news to Pierce. 506 00:20:16,101 --> 00:20:17,517 He's not gonna like this. 507 00:20:17,518 --> 00:20:19,033 Remember that temper tantrum he threw 508 00:20:19,034 --> 00:20:21,400 when Adam Sandler "stole" his idea for Jack and Jill? 509 00:20:21,401 --> 00:20:22,650 You're underestimating him. 510 00:20:22,651 --> 00:20:23,900 I think Pierce is a lot more mature 511 00:20:23,901 --> 00:20:25,150 than we all give him credit for. 512 00:20:25,151 --> 00:20:29,817 Look at me now, dad! How's it taste? 513 00:20:29,818 --> 00:20:33,700 How many sandwich places did you have? 514 00:20:33,701 --> 00:20:35,851 None! 515 00:20:35,852 --> 00:20:37,892 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/