1 00:00:01,196 --> 00:00:04,965 - Hi, Pierce. Oh... - Hi! 2 00:00:05,150 --> 00:00:07,512 Hi, Percival! 3 00:00:07,513 --> 00:00:09,488 - Hi. - Hey. 4 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:13,311 Happy New Year, you guys. Do anything fun over break? 5 00:00:13,311 --> 00:00:14,728 Oh, baby Ben got to be baby Jesus 6 00:00:14,756 --> 00:00:16,256 in our church's nativity play. 7 00:00:16,257 --> 00:00:18,625 Andre was Joseph, and Jordan was one of the wise men, 8 00:00:18,626 --> 00:00:20,046 and I was in charge of casting. 9 00:00:20,047 --> 00:00:21,966 I digitized my entire movie collection. 10 00:00:22,138 --> 00:00:23,580 Goodbye, VHS. 11 00:00:23,581 --> 00:00:26,433 Hello, SelectaVision CED Videodisc. 12 00:00:26,433 --> 00:00:28,666 I'm very psyched for the new semester. 13 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:32,570 Or should I say... Intro to Human Psyched. 14 00:00:32,571 --> 00:00:33,798 The worst. 15 00:00:33,798 --> 00:00:36,212 For our midterm, we actually get to diagnose 16 00:00:36,277 --> 00:00:38,028 a fellow student with something. 17 00:00:38,029 --> 00:00:39,763 Don't you do way too much of that already? 18 00:00:39,764 --> 00:00:42,099 Accusational opposition disorder. 19 00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:43,450 Hello. 20 00:00:43,451 --> 00:00:44,768 Whoa. 21 00:00:44,769 --> 00:00:46,570 It appears you've all noticed that my swagger 22 00:00:46,571 --> 00:00:47,571 has a new swagger. 23 00:00:47,572 --> 00:00:48,789 I'll explain. 24 00:00:48,790 --> 00:00:50,490 Over break, I took the plunge 25 00:00:50,491 --> 00:00:51,908 and started seeing a new shrink. 26 00:00:51,909 --> 00:00:53,210 What? Hello! 27 00:00:53,211 --> 00:00:55,812 Hello. Anyway, I talked about my dad, 28 00:00:55,813 --> 00:00:57,080 punched a few pillows. 29 00:00:57,081 --> 00:00:59,883 And she put me on this amazing anti-anxiety pill. 30 00:00:59,884 --> 00:01:02,452 It's really enhanced my self-confidence. 31 00:01:02,453 --> 00:01:03,804 I explained that really well. 32 00:01:03,805 --> 00:01:06,723 Jeff, you can't be on anti-anxiety meds. 33 00:01:06,724 --> 00:01:09,176 What little self-doubt you have is the only thing 34 00:01:09,177 --> 00:01:10,960 keeping your ego penned in. 35 00:01:10,961 --> 00:01:13,497 You are a textbook narcissist. 36 00:01:13,498 --> 00:01:15,632 I'm an exceptional narcissist, Britta. 37 00:01:15,633 --> 00:01:18,151 Oh, excuse me. 38 00:01:18,504 --> 00:01:19,808 I didn't kill my wife! 39 00:01:20,735 --> 00:01:23,204 I don't care. 40 00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:31,293 Stop that fugitive! 41 00:01:31,302 --> 00:01:32,769 I was wondering how long it would take 42 00:01:32,770 --> 00:01:33,904 for things to get back to normal. 43 00:01:33,905 --> 00:01:35,453 Over break, Abed realized he could hire 44 00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:37,120 celebrity impersonators from a service 45 00:01:37,121 --> 00:01:38,772 for his own personal use. 46 00:01:38,773 --> 00:01:40,711 He's been doing it... a lot. 47 00:01:40,711 --> 00:01:41,794 He's not hurting anybody. 48 00:01:41,795 --> 00:01:43,323 He just likes reenacting scenes from movies. 49 00:01:43,378 --> 00:01:44,829 It's unquestionably awesome. 50 00:01:44,830 --> 00:01:46,480 I question it. He spent New Year's 51 00:01:46,547 --> 00:01:49,011 locked in our bathroom with a bad Tom Hanks from cast away. 52 00:01:49,041 --> 00:01:50,133 Abed was the volleyball? 53 00:01:50,134 --> 00:01:52,045 - Well, that makes sense. - You guys, focus! 54 00:01:52,103 --> 00:01:53,603 Where's he getting the money for all this? 55 00:01:53,604 --> 00:01:55,689 Intervention. Intervention. Intervention. 56 00:01:55,690 --> 00:01:57,691 No! You guys need to stop intervening. 57 00:01:57,692 --> 00:01:59,509 You seriously have a problem. 58 00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:01,945 - I said I didn't kill my wife! - I still don't care. 59 00:02:01,946 --> 00:02:03,447 Freeze! 60 00:02:05,015 --> 00:02:07,200 Chang, they're just acting! 61 00:02:07,201 --> 00:02:09,746 - Oh. Sorry. - What was that? 62 00:02:09,747 --> 00:02:13,040 - Somebody call the cops! - I've got a friend at the zoo. 63 00:02:36,501 --> 00:02:39,328 3.12 - Contemporary Impressionists Sync and correction by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com 64 00:02:39,328 --> 00:02:41,157 Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 65 00:02:41,652 --> 00:02:44,220 What is this I hear about a tranquilizer gun? 66 00:02:44,221 --> 00:02:46,073 If you had hit a small student, 67 00:02:46,074 --> 00:02:47,491 they could have died! 68 00:02:47,492 --> 00:02:48,675 I wouldn't do that. 69 00:02:48,676 --> 00:02:50,193 I have a heavy flashlight for them. 70 00:02:50,194 --> 00:02:51,495 Oh, Ben! 71 00:02:51,496 --> 00:02:54,498 Look, I have to resort to extreme measures. 72 00:02:54,499 --> 00:02:56,566 I'm a one-man army. 73 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,067 You won't let me have any guards. 74 00:02:58,068 --> 00:02:59,436 We're broke, Ben! 75 00:02:59,437 --> 00:03:01,138 We now get 80% of our electricity 76 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:04,007 from the apartment building across the street. 77 00:03:05,627 --> 00:03:06,711 Okay... 78 00:03:06,761 --> 00:03:09,463 I don't know who told you pouting was an option for you, 79 00:03:09,464 --> 00:03:11,264 but all you're making me feel right now 80 00:03:11,265 --> 00:03:15,302 is hatred of Renee Zellweger. 81 00:03:15,303 --> 00:03:18,188 Look, maybe you can bring on some students 82 00:03:18,189 --> 00:03:19,606 as security interns. 83 00:03:19,607 --> 00:03:20,891 I'll let you offer them a credit 84 00:03:20,892 --> 00:03:23,259 in safety or math or something. 85 00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:24,644 Thank you, sir. 86 00:03:24,645 --> 00:03:27,364 You won't regret this unless I rise up against you. 87 00:03:27,365 --> 00:03:30,233 I don't know why I said that. Bye. 88 00:03:30,234 --> 00:03:33,269 Huh! Tah! 89 00:03:33,270 --> 00:03:38,158 Zhou! Zeet! Dah! Toi! 90 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,912 Jeff. Jeff! 91 00:03:41,913 --> 00:03:43,279 I looked it up. I was right. 92 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,664 Oh, that thing about Danny Thomas? 93 00:03:44,665 --> 00:03:45,949 I looked it up too. Weird. 94 00:03:45,950 --> 00:03:47,784 No, those meds you're taking. 95 00:03:47,785 --> 00:03:50,453 Without anxiety to keep your vanity in check, 96 00:03:50,454 --> 00:03:54,057 you are vulnerable to a syndrome called hyper-narcissosis. 97 00:03:54,058 --> 00:03:56,593 Okay, look. This apple is your ego. 98 00:03:56,594 --> 00:03:59,629 Imagine it expanding to the point of critical mass, 99 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,731 taking over your whole personality, 100 00:04:01,732 --> 00:04:04,684 making you an uncontrollable monster. 101 00:04:04,685 --> 00:04:06,770 Britta, how did an apple make that clear? 102 00:04:06,771 --> 00:04:08,071 Imagine it expanding? 103 00:04:08,072 --> 00:04:09,573 - Use a balloon. - I was on my way to lunch. 104 00:04:09,574 --> 00:04:11,307 Why are you trying to take this away from me? 105 00:04:11,308 --> 00:04:12,943 I like having no anxiety. 106 00:04:12,944 --> 00:04:14,077 I'm in harmony with the world. 107 00:04:14,078 --> 00:04:15,612 Looking good, Winger. 108 00:04:15,613 --> 00:04:17,364 Thank you, Leonard, for that compliment, 109 00:04:17,365 --> 00:04:19,816 and for your service to this country. 110 00:04:19,817 --> 00:04:21,651 I'm so confident now, I can pull things off 111 00:04:21,652 --> 00:04:23,119 I never dreamed possible. 112 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,155 Look. Aviators. 113 00:04:26,156 --> 00:04:27,924 Final boarding call, beefcake airways. 114 00:04:27,925 --> 00:04:30,794 I'm warning you as your friend to get off of those meds. 115 00:04:30,795 --> 00:04:31,962 And until they're out of your system, 116 00:04:31,963 --> 00:04:33,830 stay away from flattering situations... 117 00:04:33,831 --> 00:04:37,000 weddings, soft lighting, formal wear, gay bars. 118 00:04:37,001 --> 00:04:38,501 And take those off! 119 00:04:38,502 --> 00:04:39,586 Because they make me look good? 120 00:04:39,587 --> 00:04:41,137 That's not relevant. 121 00:04:41,138 --> 00:04:43,139 Ah, welcome back, Jeffrey. How was your... 122 00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:44,674 Uhh... uhh... unh! 123 00:04:46,027 --> 00:04:48,344 Oh, my God! Even his shadow! 124 00:04:48,345 --> 00:04:50,480 Look at his shadow! 125 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,488 Security internship available. 126 00:04:58,489 --> 00:05:00,957 Come on, see the world. 127 00:05:00,958 --> 00:05:03,126 Well, you won't see the world, but come on! 128 00:05:04,378 --> 00:05:07,247 - Hey, Nadir. - Oh, hey, Vinnie. 129 00:05:07,248 --> 00:05:09,049 Vinnie's the owner of the doppelgang, 130 00:05:09,050 --> 00:05:10,417 the celebrity impersonator service I use. 131 00:05:10,418 --> 00:05:11,501 You look familiar. 132 00:05:11,502 --> 00:05:13,587 That's how we all get started in this racket. 133 00:05:13,588 --> 00:05:15,222 But at a certain point, if you're smart, 134 00:05:15,223 --> 00:05:17,557 you move up to management before the gold mine 135 00:05:17,558 --> 00:05:19,876 of resembling French Stewart runs dry. 136 00:05:19,877 --> 00:05:21,711 - Ah... - French Stewart... 137 00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:23,096 And speaking of gold mines, 138 00:05:23,097 --> 00:05:24,714 you owe me three grand, pal. 139 00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:25,815 Cool. Put it on my account. 140 00:05:25,816 --> 00:05:27,481 What do I look like, a sucker? 141 00:05:27,481 --> 00:05:28,855 French Stewart. But I don't have three grand. 142 00:05:28,886 --> 00:05:30,520 Well, you know what, you better get it. 143 00:05:30,521 --> 00:05:32,555 Because I'm gonna tell you something right now... 144 00:05:32,556 --> 00:05:34,891 Holy crap, you'd make an amazing Seacrest. 145 00:05:34,892 --> 00:05:36,192 Very kind. Thank you. 146 00:05:36,193 --> 00:05:39,079 You're actually a lot taller than Seacrest. 147 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,164 You've actually got a sharper jaw too. 148 00:05:41,165 --> 00:05:42,999 You're actually more handsome than the guy 149 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,034 that's famous for being handsome. 150 00:05:44,035 --> 00:05:46,703 Jeff? 151 00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:55,045 You'll be okay. Just stay humble. 152 00:05:55,046 --> 00:05:56,880 You know what, maybe there's another option for you. 153 00:05:56,881 --> 00:05:58,882 I've got a big event saturday. 154 00:05:58,883 --> 00:06:00,750 Needs a lot of bodies, huh? 155 00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:03,219 And I see some high-value faces here. 156 00:06:03,220 --> 00:06:04,220 Got an Oprah. 157 00:06:04,221 --> 00:06:05,722 - Oh! - And sitting next to her 158 00:06:05,723 --> 00:06:07,941 is a Judy Garland or an Anne Hathaway. 159 00:06:07,942 --> 00:06:09,559 Add a few extra teeth. 160 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:11,061 Wow, this is rare. 161 00:06:11,062 --> 00:06:14,230 Both versions of Michael Jackson. 162 00:06:14,231 --> 00:06:15,398 And you... 163 00:06:15,399 --> 00:06:16,516 - Fat Brando. - Burt Reynolds. 164 00:06:16,517 --> 00:06:17,701 - What? - What? 165 00:06:17,702 --> 00:06:18,702 - Fat Brando. - Burt Reynolds. 166 00:06:18,703 --> 00:06:19,703 - Whatever. - Whatever. 167 00:06:19,704 --> 00:06:21,705 Look, if you guys work this gig for me 168 00:06:21,706 --> 00:06:23,740 for six hours, we'll call it even. 169 00:06:23,741 --> 00:06:25,158 Sounds fun. 170 00:06:25,159 --> 00:06:27,610 Abed, Vinnie, can we have a minute to talk about this? 171 00:06:27,611 --> 00:06:29,212 Sure. Come on, Vinnie. The guy who makes the fish sticks 172 00:06:29,213 --> 00:06:30,463 looks just like Quincy Jones. 173 00:06:30,464 --> 00:06:31,581 - Get out. - Seriously. 174 00:06:31,582 --> 00:06:32,832 Guys, I'm sorry, 175 00:06:32,833 --> 00:06:34,417 but this is where we have to put our foot down. 176 00:06:34,418 --> 00:06:35,719 Well, she has a point. 177 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,921 Next time it'll be $10,000, and then $20,000, 178 00:06:37,922 --> 00:06:39,255 and then he'll hit rock bottom 179 00:06:39,256 --> 00:06:40,757 and have no one to turn to but Jesus. 180 00:06:40,758 --> 00:06:41,808 I say we let this play out. 181 00:06:41,809 --> 00:06:43,393 I'd love to help, 182 00:06:43,394 --> 00:06:45,145 but playing Ryan Seacrest at a big party 183 00:06:45,146 --> 00:06:47,013 may not be a safe situation for me. 184 00:06:47,014 --> 00:06:49,298 We could actually hurt Abed 185 00:06:49,299 --> 00:06:50,850 if every time he faces reality, 186 00:06:50,851 --> 00:06:53,069 we dress up and play make-believe to bail him out. 187 00:06:53,070 --> 00:06:55,071 Shame on you people. 188 00:06:55,072 --> 00:06:57,557 It's not our job to help Abed grow up. 189 00:06:57,558 --> 00:06:59,159 Abed doesn't need reality. 190 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,578 Abed is a magical, elf-like man 191 00:07:01,579 --> 00:07:03,363 who makes us all more magical 192 00:07:03,364 --> 00:07:04,714 by being near us. 193 00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:06,533 Pierce, who came over in the middle of the night 194 00:07:06,534 --> 00:07:07,784 that time you forgot how to fart? 195 00:07:07,785 --> 00:07:09,152 - Abed. - Shirley... 196 00:07:09,153 --> 00:07:10,503 Who got you a DVD of Precious, 197 00:07:10,504 --> 00:07:12,205 based on the novel Push, by Sapphire, 198 00:07:12,206 --> 00:07:14,924 and a copy of the novel Push autographed by Sapphire? 199 00:07:14,925 --> 00:07:16,292 Abed. 200 00:07:16,293 --> 00:07:18,661 All we had was dumb reality before we met that man. 201 00:07:18,662 --> 00:07:20,847 And he's made all of our lives better than reality. 202 00:07:20,848 --> 00:07:22,298 Now it becomes a little inconvenient, 203 00:07:22,299 --> 00:07:24,634 and it's time to get real? 204 00:07:24,635 --> 00:07:26,770 For shame! 205 00:07:26,771 --> 00:07:29,472 He's right. Sorry, Troy. 206 00:07:29,473 --> 00:07:30,840 Hey, guys. 207 00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:33,293 Abed, we would be happy to help you out. 208 00:07:33,294 --> 00:07:34,811 It'll be a good time. 209 00:07:34,812 --> 00:07:36,512 - Cool. Cool, cool, cool. - Cool. 210 00:07:36,513 --> 00:07:38,615 - Oprah. - Oh, thank you. 211 00:07:38,616 --> 00:07:39,866 - See ya, Vin. - Fat Brando. 212 00:07:39,867 --> 00:07:43,119 - Burt Reynolds. - Yeah. 213 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:44,821 Thanks for being flexible. This'll be fun. 214 00:07:44,822 --> 00:07:47,207 Fun. Yeah, sure. But here's the deal. 215 00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:49,209 Um, if you guys mess this up, 216 00:07:49,210 --> 00:07:51,411 then his debt is overdue. 217 00:07:51,412 --> 00:07:53,529 And I don't send another bill. 218 00:07:53,530 --> 00:07:55,965 No, I send two guys that look a lot 219 00:07:55,966 --> 00:07:58,251 like Ving Rhames and Michael Chiklis. 220 00:07:58,252 --> 00:08:00,703 And they do a very convincing impression 221 00:08:00,704 --> 00:08:03,973 of breaking your friend's legs. 222 00:08:03,974 --> 00:08:07,060 Their secret is... They actually break them. 223 00:08:15,675 --> 00:08:16,871 All right, impersonators, 224 00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:19,297 our guest of honor is one Howie Schwartz, 225 00:08:19,297 --> 00:08:20,604 who, according to the Talmud, 226 00:08:20,622 --> 00:08:22,968 just became a man. But I have to say, 227 00:08:22,968 --> 00:08:24,929 I wouldn't want him next to me in a foxhole. 228 00:08:24,979 --> 00:08:26,747 - Ha! - Ground rules... 229 00:08:26,764 --> 00:08:28,998 Do stay in your assigned quadrants 230 00:08:28,999 --> 00:08:31,167 quoting lines from movies you are positive 231 00:08:31,168 --> 00:08:33,152 that your impersonatee was in. 232 00:08:33,153 --> 00:08:35,421 Do not leave your quadrant, 233 00:08:35,422 --> 00:08:37,656 burp, fart, cough, hiccup, or cuss. 234 00:08:37,657 --> 00:08:39,825 The obvious exception being James, 235 00:08:39,826 --> 00:08:40,993 our resident Walter Matthau. 236 00:08:40,994 --> 00:08:42,295 How you doing, Jimmy? 237 00:08:42,296 --> 00:08:44,630 Aw, you give 'em hell. All right, let's go. 238 00:08:44,631 --> 00:08:48,667 - All my life I has to fight. - Ready to tangle. 239 00:08:48,668 --> 00:08:50,803 Handsome Seacrest, I need you in this tux. 240 00:08:50,804 --> 00:08:52,438 Jeff, do not wear that. 241 00:08:52,439 --> 00:08:54,673 Aw, zip it, white Jacko. 242 00:08:54,674 --> 00:08:57,443 Don't worry, that thing in the cafeteria freaked me out, 243 00:08:57,444 --> 00:08:59,562 so I talked to my shrink, and she doubled my dosage. 244 00:08:59,563 --> 00:09:01,481 What? Jeff, that's insane! 245 00:09:01,482 --> 00:09:03,649 I thought so too, but after I took that extra pill, 246 00:09:03,650 --> 00:09:05,451 it seemed like a great idea. 247 00:09:05,452 --> 00:09:08,037 - Jeff, put it on. Go. - No, Jeff! 248 00:09:08,038 --> 00:09:09,322 Britta, stop arguing. 249 00:09:09,323 --> 00:09:10,623 If you have anything else to say, 250 00:09:10,624 --> 00:09:12,575 say it in a high-pitched voice while walking backwards. 251 00:09:12,576 --> 00:09:14,198 Jeff is in grave danger. 252 00:09:14,198 --> 00:09:15,465 Hee-hee! 253 00:09:17,798 --> 00:09:19,632 Uh, may I help you? 254 00:09:19,633 --> 00:09:22,134 I'm one of the impersonators. 255 00:09:22,135 --> 00:09:26,556 - Which one? - Do I have to say it? 256 00:09:26,557 --> 00:09:28,174 Burt Reynolds. 257 00:09:28,175 --> 00:09:30,426 Uh, yeah, I don't believe anybody hired you 258 00:09:30,427 --> 00:09:31,710 to impersonate Burt Reynolds. 259 00:09:31,711 --> 00:09:33,846 - Why not? - Do I have to say it? 260 00:09:46,326 --> 00:09:48,544 - May I help you? - I'm Brando. 261 00:09:48,545 --> 00:09:50,780 Hmm... 262 00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:52,731 Could be under "fat." 263 00:09:52,732 --> 00:09:55,418 Ah. Oh. 264 00:09:55,419 --> 00:09:56,919 Totally. 265 00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:00,373 Go on in. 266 00:10:00,374 --> 00:10:02,041 Bam. 267 00:10:02,042 --> 00:10:03,851 Abed, get back to your station. 268 00:10:03,851 --> 00:10:05,628 I can't right now, I'm talking to Geena Davis. 269 00:10:05,629 --> 00:10:07,185 Abed, we have to do this right 270 00:10:07,185 --> 00:10:08,235 or Vinnie won't clear your debt. 271 00:10:08,298 --> 00:10:09,415 Troy, who cares about money? 272 00:10:09,416 --> 00:10:11,050 Look around. This is why we're alive. 273 00:10:11,051 --> 00:10:13,553 Ooh, fake Lorenzo Lamas. Let's go. 274 00:10:13,554 --> 00:10:17,840 I was so sad to hear of your passing. 275 00:10:17,841 --> 00:10:19,775 Me too. 276 00:10:19,776 --> 00:10:23,479 Sergeant Chang, what are you doing here? 277 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,565 Hey, Annie. Just one of the perks 278 00:10:25,566 --> 00:10:26,732 when your brother's a rabbi. 279 00:10:26,733 --> 00:10:28,651 He throws me some private security gigs 280 00:10:28,652 --> 00:10:30,236 at the events he officiates. 281 00:10:30,237 --> 00:10:32,655 They can get really intense sometimes. 282 00:10:32,656 --> 00:10:36,108 Can you believe some jerk brought a scalpel to a bris? 283 00:10:36,109 --> 00:10:38,110 Now smile. 284 00:10:38,111 --> 00:10:40,997 Why is he out of his quadrant? 285 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,117 I'm Lorenzo Lamas. 286 00:10:45,118 --> 00:10:47,320 - He's reenacting a movie. - Please. 287 00:10:47,321 --> 00:10:48,638 What movie were Jamie Lee Curtis 288 00:10:48,639 --> 00:10:50,339 and Lorenzo Lamas in together? 289 00:10:50,340 --> 00:10:52,258 See, now I'm just embarrassed for you 290 00:10:52,259 --> 00:10:54,560 because you've never seen Lorenzo's Oil. 291 00:10:54,561 --> 00:10:57,179 Lorenzo is an oil tycoon that gets his address book switched 292 00:10:57,180 --> 00:10:59,798 with Jamie Lee Curtis', 293 00:10:59,799 --> 00:11:02,318 and they give each other piggyback rides. 294 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,137 I can't believe... did you go to college? 295 00:11:05,138 --> 00:11:07,440 Yes. No. 296 00:11:07,441 --> 00:11:08,641 Whatever. Keep working. 297 00:11:15,699 --> 00:11:19,418 Oh, my God. You are gorgeous! 298 00:11:19,419 --> 00:11:20,703 Would you look at this one. 299 00:11:20,704 --> 00:11:22,588 He's like a Robert Redford. 300 00:11:22,589 --> 00:11:25,541 No, no, more like a taller, hotter Ryan Seacrest. 301 00:11:25,542 --> 00:11:27,793 It's amazing, you're actually more handsome 302 00:11:27,794 --> 00:11:31,263 than the guy who's famous for being handsome. 303 00:11:35,769 --> 00:11:39,722 Skull Cracker 2000. Top of the line. 304 00:11:39,723 --> 00:11:42,341 - Who wants to hold it? - Me! 305 00:11:42,342 --> 00:11:45,010 - That's so cool. - Awesome. 306 00:11:45,011 --> 00:11:47,246 Dude, this is so sick. Check this out. 307 00:11:52,035 --> 00:11:55,821 Any of you fine young men interested in a college credit? 308 00:11:55,822 --> 00:11:57,139 - Sure! - Right! 309 00:12:03,530 --> 00:12:04,747 Look, man, if you have a request, 310 00:12:04,748 --> 00:12:06,649 not a real DJ, okay. These are just props. 311 00:12:06,650 --> 00:12:08,084 You look like a friend of mine. 312 00:12:08,085 --> 00:12:09,669 You're friends with Moby? 313 00:12:22,015 --> 00:12:24,483 - Jeff! - Oh! 314 00:12:24,484 --> 00:12:27,603 I haven't been dipped like that 315 00:12:27,604 --> 00:12:29,438 since my last divorce. 316 00:12:29,439 --> 00:12:31,223 Britta, you were right. 317 00:12:31,224 --> 00:12:33,726 I can feel my ego taking over. Do something! 318 00:12:33,727 --> 00:12:34,944 Okay, listen to me. 319 00:12:34,945 --> 00:12:37,580 You are not that big of a deal. Do you understand? 320 00:12:37,581 --> 00:12:39,064 You have bad posture. 321 00:12:39,065 --> 00:12:41,867 When you do to many push-ups, it looks like you have boobs. 322 00:12:41,868 --> 00:12:44,120 The tile in your bathroom is tacky. 323 00:12:44,121 --> 00:12:46,589 You were emotionally closed off in bed 324 00:12:46,590 --> 00:12:48,374 to the point where one time, I didn't come up 325 00:12:48,375 --> 00:12:50,960 because I couldn't find close enough parking. 326 00:12:50,961 --> 00:12:53,763 You have an unusually high butt crack. 327 00:12:53,764 --> 00:12:56,916 Thank you. 328 00:12:56,917 --> 00:12:58,634 It couldn't have been easy for you to lie like that. 329 00:12:58,635 --> 00:13:00,386 We are getting you out of here. 330 00:13:00,387 --> 00:13:02,588 Get back to your quadrant. Now! 331 00:13:02,589 --> 00:13:04,056 Britta! 332 00:13:04,057 --> 00:13:06,258 Honey, you were the highlight of the evening. 333 00:13:06,259 --> 00:13:10,029 If it were up to me, you'd win every single award. 334 00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:13,015 There's awards? 335 00:13:16,932 --> 00:13:19,091 Ladies and non-gentilemen, 336 00:13:19,092 --> 00:13:22,228 welcome to Howie Schwartz's Star Mitzvah Awards. 337 00:13:22,229 --> 00:13:23,813 Here to present the first award 338 00:13:23,814 --> 00:13:26,582 are fake Morgan Freeman and fake Bono. 339 00:13:26,583 --> 00:13:29,268 You know, fake Bono, algebra can be tough. 340 00:13:29,269 --> 00:13:30,936 It sure can, fake Morgan Freeman. 341 00:13:30,937 --> 00:13:32,571 And that's why it's so important 342 00:13:32,572 --> 00:13:34,824 to reward those to whom it comes so easily. 343 00:13:34,825 --> 00:13:39,111 The winner for best math student is... 344 00:13:39,112 --> 00:13:40,212 Howie Schwartz. 345 00:13:46,887 --> 00:13:49,722 Wow, these things are heavy. 346 00:13:49,723 --> 00:13:53,092 The award for cleanest room goes to Howie Schwartz. 347 00:13:54,227 --> 00:13:58,564 Coolest skateboard trick, Howie Schwartz! 348 00:13:58,565 --> 00:14:02,067 Best Halo score... Howie Schwartz! 349 00:14:04,688 --> 00:14:06,822 If you ask me, I think you're gonna win the award 350 00:14:06,823 --> 00:14:08,774 for most handsome young man. 351 00:14:08,775 --> 00:14:12,978 Nah. Oh, give me a break. It's his Bar Mitzvah. 352 00:14:12,979 --> 00:14:14,646 Jeff, I think that we should go. 353 00:14:14,647 --> 00:14:18,083 There's an award for most handsome young man! 354 00:14:18,084 --> 00:14:20,452 Hello, everyone. It is my honor and privilege 355 00:14:20,453 --> 00:14:23,622 as fake Oprah Winfrey to present the night's final award... 356 00:14:23,623 --> 00:14:25,474 most handsome young man. 357 00:14:25,475 --> 00:14:26,926 Aww... 358 00:14:26,927 --> 00:14:30,596 And the winner is... 359 00:14:30,597 --> 00:14:32,998 Howie Schwartz! 360 00:14:32,999 --> 00:14:36,001 Nooo! 361 00:14:44,778 --> 00:14:48,781 Aah! 362 00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:57,873 Look at me! Look at meee! 363 00:14:57,874 --> 00:15:00,692 No, Jeffrey! Jeffrey... oh! 364 00:15:00,693 --> 00:15:01,911 Oh! 365 00:15:01,912 --> 00:15:03,946 Oh, God, no! 366 00:15:03,947 --> 00:15:06,765 - What the hell? - You wanted it! 367 00:15:06,766 --> 00:15:09,468 You all want it! 368 00:15:09,469 --> 00:15:11,971 Aahhh-ha-ha-ha! 369 00:15:11,972 --> 00:15:15,207 Aaahh! 370 00:15:15,208 --> 00:15:16,642 - Rargh! - Aah! 371 00:15:16,643 --> 00:15:19,561 - Grr! - Ow! 372 00:15:19,562 --> 00:15:23,632 Ah! 373 00:15:23,633 --> 00:15:26,151 Unh! Grr! Ha! 374 00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:37,426 I love you, dad! I knew you'd invite the Hulk! 375 00:15:44,371 --> 00:15:47,906 You're lucky. And your friend's debt is paid. 376 00:15:47,907 --> 00:15:50,766 Hey, Jimmy, wait up. 377 00:15:57,517 --> 00:16:00,019 Boogie Nights. 378 00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:04,556 You're fat Burt Reynolds, right? 379 00:16:04,557 --> 00:16:07,359 I'll take it. 380 00:16:14,484 --> 00:16:16,869 Abed, your leg! What'd they do? 381 00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:18,187 Tell me who they looked like! 382 00:16:18,188 --> 00:16:19,655 Doc, doc! Who's there? 383 00:16:19,656 --> 00:16:21,824 It's your femur bone. He needs some money. He's broke. 384 00:16:21,825 --> 00:16:24,076 Ha ha ha. Hey. 385 00:16:24,077 --> 00:16:25,494 Laughter's the best medicine. 386 00:16:25,495 --> 00:16:27,880 What are... what are you doing? 387 00:16:27,881 --> 00:16:30,332 I'm challenging your entire medical establishment, sir. 388 00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:33,452 Not you. 389 00:16:33,453 --> 00:16:36,788 So we just spent our whole night paying off your debt, 390 00:16:36,789 --> 00:16:38,891 and you're blowing money on a Patch Adams? 391 00:16:38,892 --> 00:16:42,127 It's two for one. We're doing Popeye next. 392 00:16:42,128 --> 00:16:43,295 Ah-ga-ga-ga-ga. 393 00:16:43,296 --> 00:16:46,131 Get him some spinach. 394 00:16:46,132 --> 00:16:48,035 I'm Olive Oyl. 395 00:16:52,439 --> 00:16:54,823 Get out! 396 00:17:13,843 --> 00:17:16,929 Are you mad at me? 397 00:17:16,930 --> 00:17:19,331 - No. - Cool. 398 00:17:19,332 --> 00:17:20,315 I was gonna go in the Dreamatorium 399 00:17:20,316 --> 00:17:21,717 and play Inspector Spacetime. 400 00:17:21,718 --> 00:17:24,603 Have fun. 401 00:17:28,858 --> 00:17:31,693 - Abed. - Yeah? 402 00:17:31,694 --> 00:17:35,114 Come here. 403 00:17:40,887 --> 00:17:42,154 I am mad at you. 404 00:17:42,155 --> 00:17:43,856 You said you weren't. We never lie. 405 00:17:43,857 --> 00:17:45,457 - I know. - We made a deal. 406 00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:47,445 October 15, 2009. Friends don't lie to each other. 407 00:17:47,446 --> 00:17:49,695 I know! I lied. 408 00:17:49,696 --> 00:17:51,480 Because you don't like people who tell you what to do, 409 00:17:51,481 --> 00:17:52,781 and I don't want to be one of those people. 410 00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:54,333 - Then don't be. - I have to be. 411 00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:56,285 You have to stop renting celebrity impersonators. 412 00:17:56,286 --> 00:17:58,387 Vinnie was gonna break both of your legs. 413 00:17:58,388 --> 00:18:00,239 I had to work really hard to help you. 414 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,223 But that's what you wanted to do. 415 00:18:01,224 --> 00:18:02,674 Yes. 416 00:18:02,675 --> 00:18:04,643 But I can't do what I want to do? 417 00:18:04,644 --> 00:18:06,011 I guess not. Not all the time. 418 00:18:06,012 --> 00:18:07,529 Sometimes you're just gonna have to trust 419 00:18:07,530 --> 00:18:09,865 - that I know better about stuff. - I don't know if I can do that. 420 00:18:09,866 --> 00:18:11,366 Then I guess you're gonna have to trust 421 00:18:11,367 --> 00:18:13,569 that you're gonna have to trust me. 422 00:18:15,872 --> 00:18:20,109 Well, I don't want to stop being your friend, so... 423 00:18:20,110 --> 00:18:24,062 I guess I'll let you tell me what to do sometimes. 424 00:18:24,063 --> 00:18:25,938 Still best friends? 425 00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:28,196 Yeah. 426 00:18:29,669 --> 00:18:31,736 Still best friends. Always. 427 00:18:31,737 --> 00:18:33,738 Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 428 00:18:33,739 --> 00:18:35,240 You still gonna go to the Dreamatorium? 429 00:18:35,241 --> 00:18:37,092 Oh, yeah, but I think I'm gonna play by myself right now, 430 00:18:37,093 --> 00:18:38,243 if that's okay. 431 00:18:38,244 --> 00:18:41,413 Cool. Okay. 432 00:18:41,414 --> 00:18:44,016 Cool. 433 00:18:48,421 --> 00:18:50,305 Seacrest Hulk, you're the greatest! 434 00:18:50,306 --> 00:18:55,093 Whoo! You rock, Seacrest Hulk! 435 00:18:56,863 --> 00:19:01,283 I love you, Seacrest Hulk! 436 00:19:01,284 --> 00:19:04,786 You know, Seacrest Hulk, you're a meshugeneh. 437 00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:21,837 You okay? 438 00:19:21,838 --> 00:19:24,956 No. I ruined a Bar Mitzvah. 439 00:19:24,957 --> 00:19:26,124 I'm a bad person. 440 00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:28,060 What you're feeling is called shame. 441 00:19:28,061 --> 00:19:29,461 It means you're getting better. 442 00:19:29,462 --> 00:19:33,465 You're gonna be safe again once those pills wear off. 443 00:19:33,466 --> 00:19:36,652 Um, I was thinking... 444 00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:40,189 You know that person that you study for your psych class? 445 00:19:40,190 --> 00:19:42,474 Maybe that should be me. 446 00:19:42,475 --> 00:19:43,992 Uh-uh. No way. 447 00:19:43,993 --> 00:19:46,612 You are way out of my league, diagnostically speaking. 448 00:19:46,613 --> 00:19:48,864 I'm gonna go with someone a little less complicated. 449 00:19:48,865 --> 00:19:50,982 Like Abed. 450 00:20:08,635 --> 00:20:11,653 Hi, Abed. 451 00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:16,425 - Hi. - Where's Troy? 452 00:20:16,426 --> 00:20:18,360 In the other room. 453 00:20:18,361 --> 00:20:19,695 That's okay. There are many advantages 454 00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:20,913 of traveling by yourself. 455 00:20:20,914 --> 00:20:22,948 You can drive faster, change direction. 456 00:20:22,949 --> 00:20:24,650 And the only pee breaks are yours. 457 00:20:24,651 --> 00:20:28,820 - Are you real? - Are you? 458 00:20:28,821 --> 00:20:29,955 This is really crazy. 459 00:20:29,956 --> 00:20:31,323 And inaccessible, and maybe too dark. 460 00:20:31,324 --> 00:20:34,459 Maybe to them, but not to us. 461 00:20:34,460 --> 00:20:37,546 Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 462 00:20:37,547 --> 00:20:40,115 Hot. Hot, hot, hot. 463 00:21:02,538 --> 00:21:03,993 Gentlemen... 464 00:21:03,994 --> 00:21:06,725 Who's ready to chang the world? 465 00:21:06,726 --> 00:21:11,072 Chang! Chang! Chang! 466 00:21:11,073 --> 00:21:15,170 Chang! Chang! Chang! Chang! Chang! 467 00:21:15,171 --> 00:21:16,771 All hail Chang!