1
00:00:05,730 --> 00:00:07,511
"Between two groups of people

2
00:00:07,677 --> 00:00:10,267
"who want to make inconsistent
kinds of worlds,

3
00:00:10,322 --> 00:00:12,657
I see no remedy but force."

4
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,667
Oliver Wendell Holmes.

5
00:00:17,276 --> 00:00:19,727
There was a point
where all I saw were feathers.

6
00:00:19,884 --> 00:00:21,902
Then I started swinging.

7
00:00:22,050 --> 00:00:25,752
And then I hit something
and heard someone fall.

8
00:00:27,141 --> 00:00:29,487
Could've been somebody
from my side.

9
00:00:31,216 --> 00:00:33,881
In 2012,
Greendale Community College

10
00:00:33,882 --> 00:00:36,572
was the site of the largest
and longest pillow fight

11
00:00:36,573 --> 00:00:38,128
in community college history.

12
00:00:38,209 --> 00:00:41,068
It shaped and scarred
the landscape of their campus

13
00:00:41,140 --> 00:00:43,749
and forever changed the lives
of those involved.

14
00:00:45,441 --> 00:00:47,300
A health care
administration student,

15
00:00:47,349 --> 00:00:50,332
who turned the storage room
into a sanctuary for soldiers

16
00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:53,536
with broken glasses
and lightly grazed testicles.

17
00:00:54,117 --> 00:00:56,570
A high school dropout
and amateur photographer

18
00:00:56,586 --> 00:00:58,020
whose borrowed camera
would capture

19
00:00:58,021 --> 00:01:01,302
some of the war's blurriest,
most poorly framed moments.

20
00:01:03,185 --> 00:01:04,896
A disgraced former lawyer

21
00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:07,472
whose words would inspire
tens of students

22
00:01:07,473 --> 00:01:09,075
to take up pillows and fight,

23
00:01:09,076 --> 00:01:11,928
most likely to avoid
an upcoming test.

24
00:01:12,419 --> 00:01:14,997
A loving wife and mother
who would prove to be

25
00:01:14,998 --> 00:01:18,547
as skilled at kicking asses
as she was at wiping them.

26
00:01:19,321 --> 00:01:22,313
The dried-up heir
to a moist towelette empire,

27
00:01:22,314 --> 00:01:24,446
who would prove to be
the dried-up heir

28
00:01:24,447 --> 00:01:26,494
to a moist towelette empire.

29
00:01:26,978 --> 00:01:28,721
The sensitive
high school quarterback

30
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:31,079
who became commander in chief
of his own army.

31
00:01:31,484 --> 00:01:33,985
He would later say of the war,
"it was awesome,

32
00:01:34,084 --> 00:01:36,613
but also, it wasn't?"

33
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,154
And his socially
dysfunctional best friend

34
00:01:39,155 --> 00:01:40,869
turned bitter rival,

35
00:01:40,950 --> 00:01:44,125
an uncompromising tactical
mastermind feared by all

36
00:01:44,126 --> 00:01:46,121
yet unable to pay
parking tickets

37
00:01:46,122 --> 00:01:47,411
or know left from right

38
00:01:47,412 --> 00:01:49,517
without mouthing
the pledge of allegiance.

39
00:01:49,768 --> 00:01:52,026
The rift in their friendship
would carry their school

40
00:01:52,027 --> 00:01:54,165
into a conflict lasting days,

41
00:01:54,166 --> 00:01:55,616
costing hundreds of dollars

42
00:01:55,703 --> 00:01:58,672
and resulting in
over 12 transfers.

43
00:01:59,025 --> 00:02:02,217
There are people who say,
"I don't get it.

44
00:02:02,442 --> 00:02:04,092
So it was a pillow fight,"

45
00:02:04,187 --> 00:02:05,821
to which I say...

46
00:02:05,953 --> 00:02:08,955
"You weren't there."

47
00:02:09,133 --> 00:02:12,047
Sync and corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

48
00:02:12,710 --> 00:02:15,284
Jeffrey, you have to come
mediate Troy and Abed.

49
00:02:15,285 --> 00:02:17,633
They look up to you.
What's with the film crew?

50
00:02:17,634 --> 00:02:20,311
- Don't worry about that.
- Oh, I am worried about that.

51
00:02:20,312 --> 00:02:21,646
If there's one thing
I've learned at this place,

52
00:02:21,647 --> 00:02:23,007
it's that a film crew
means disaster.

53
00:02:23,008 --> 00:02:24,829
Okay, they are here to document

54
00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:26,001
Greendale's guinness record,

55
00:02:26,002 --> 00:02:27,901
which you are going
to make sure we get

56
00:02:27,950 --> 00:02:29,851
by talking to Troy and Abed
right now.

57
00:02:29,891 --> 00:02:31,292
- This is your fault.
- No, it's your fault.

58
00:02:31,293 --> 00:02:32,259
- This is your fault.
- Your fault.

59
00:02:32,260 --> 00:02:33,166
- Your fault!
- Your fault!

60
00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:35,463
Okay, I've got good news
for both of you.

61
00:02:35,464 --> 00:02:37,798
Neither of you has to apologize
because what you're doing

62
00:02:37,799 --> 00:02:38,983
is equally ridiculous.

63
00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:40,634
So here's the solution
I'm pitching.

64
00:02:40,635 --> 00:02:43,537
I'm giving you two
imaginary Friendship Hats

65
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,256
that automatically
make you friends again.

66
00:02:45,257 --> 00:02:47,091
Are we done?

67
00:02:47,092 --> 00:02:49,710
Sorry, Jeff, but this matter's
a little more serious than that.

68
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:50,811
No, it's not.

69
00:02:50,812 --> 00:02:53,014
You're children
acting like grown-ups.

70
00:02:53,015 --> 00:02:53,998
I mean, it's fine.

71
00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:55,740
But just don't pretend
it's anything but that.

72
00:02:56,824 --> 00:02:59,176
Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir.

73
00:02:59,216 --> 00:03:01,356
Friends so close,
they once graced the cover

74
00:03:01,357 --> 00:03:05,083
of Friends Weekly, a pretend
magazine of their own design.

75
00:03:05,416 --> 00:03:07,735
Earlier that day,
they begin construction

76
00:03:07,736 --> 00:03:09,492
on a fort made of pillows.

77
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,594
Its name...
New Fluffytown.

78
00:03:11,728 --> 00:03:15,550
Its goal... to be a newer,
fluffier town than Fluffytown,

79
00:03:15,590 --> 00:03:18,076
their blanket fort
from the previous year.

80
00:03:18,123 --> 00:03:21,037
New Fluffytown
don't care who you were.

81
00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:24,473
You were surrounded
by softness.

82
00:03:24,810 --> 00:03:27,618
It's just like crawling
through a hug.

83
00:03:27,656 --> 00:03:28,656
Well...

84
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:32,528
I guess all hugs
have to come to an end.

85
00:03:33,795 --> 00:03:36,580
When an opportunity
arises for a world record,

86
00:03:36,628 --> 00:03:38,662
it creates a rift.

87
00:03:38,663 --> 00:03:40,431
Troy wants to go for the record

88
00:03:40,432 --> 00:03:43,134
using blankets
for rapid expansion.

89
00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:45,086
Abed insists on pillows,

90
00:03:45,087 --> 00:03:47,638
declaring world records
to be dumb.

91
00:03:47,639 --> 00:03:49,807
Troy declares
the Declaration Lame,

92
00:03:49,808 --> 00:03:52,977
stating that thinking records
are dumb is stupid.

93
00:03:52,978 --> 00:03:55,129
He secedes from New Fluffytown

94
00:03:55,130 --> 00:03:57,264
and begins constructing
Blanketsburg

95
00:03:57,265 --> 00:03:58,849
on the other side
of the campus.

96
00:03:58,850 --> 00:04:01,018
Abed renames his fort
Pillowtown

97
00:04:01,019 --> 00:04:02,820
for the sake
of conceptual symmetry.

98
00:04:02,821 --> 00:04:07,491
Both forts expand until both
are in each other's way.

99
00:04:07,492 --> 00:04:09,526
Study Room "F," 3:00 P.M.,

100
00:04:09,527 --> 00:04:11,863
things quickly reach
their boiling point.

101
00:04:11,946 --> 00:04:13,804
- You stand back.
- Watch it, Star-Burns.

102
00:04:13,915 --> 00:04:16,667
My name is Alex!

103
00:04:16,668 --> 00:04:19,503
A softly lobbed,
hypoallergenic sealy select

104
00:04:19,504 --> 00:04:21,138
in a floral print case

105
00:04:21,139 --> 00:04:23,341
collides with
a load-bearing broomstick,

106
00:04:23,342 --> 00:04:26,637
collapsing a queen-sized section
of blanket fort.

107
00:04:26,662 --> 00:04:28,596
You saw that. They knocked it down!

108
00:04:38,722 --> 00:04:41,950
It was later named
"The Study Room Kerfuffle."

109
00:04:41,986 --> 00:04:43,688
Protect everyone!
Protect Pillowtown!

110
00:04:43,745 --> 00:04:45,299
Jeffrey, you're not mediating.

111
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:46,968
Ah, Dean, what do you
want me to say, huh?

112
00:04:47,011 --> 00:04:49,316
I mean, some conflicts
are so pointless,

113
00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:50,994
they just have to play
themselves out.

114
00:04:51,081 --> 00:04:52,126
Fine.

115
00:04:52,337 --> 00:04:53,737
The Legit Republic
of Blanketsburg

116
00:04:53,738 --> 00:04:55,406
says Pillowtown has
until midnight tonight

117
00:04:55,407 --> 00:04:57,064
to surrender its territory.

118
00:04:57,143 --> 00:04:59,408
The United Forts of Pillowtown
declines the request.

119
00:04:59,494 --> 00:05:00,910
It's not a request.

120
00:05:01,012 --> 00:05:02,815
I'm giving you an "all tomato,"

121
00:05:02,881 --> 00:05:05,184
meaning that you give me
the whole tomato or else.

122
00:05:05,419 --> 00:05:06,990
Or else what?

123
00:05:09,444 --> 00:05:10,861
See you at midnight.

124
00:05:10,972 --> 00:05:13,637
Oh, my God.

125
00:05:15,093 --> 00:05:17,061
Do people go to classes?

126
00:05:17,062 --> 00:05:19,146
The deadline
divides friendships,

127
00:05:19,147 --> 00:05:21,115
families, even study groups.

128
00:05:21,116 --> 00:05:23,117
Pierce Hawthorne
takes Troy's side,

129
00:05:23,118 --> 00:05:25,903
citing that Abed is weirder
and more foreign.

130
00:05:25,904 --> 00:05:27,872
Shirley Bennett
decides her allegiance

131
00:05:27,873 --> 00:05:29,940
in a text message
to her husband.

132
00:05:29,941 --> 00:05:31,659
I'll be home late, sugar boots.

133
00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:33,941
Abed hurt Troy's feelings
by being a robot.

134
00:05:33,996 --> 00:05:35,473
Need to stay with my boy
to make sure

135
00:05:35,497 --> 00:05:36,964
Britta doesn't put him
on the weed.

136
00:05:36,965 --> 00:05:38,861
Please record forensic files.

137
00:05:38,911 --> 00:05:40,895
Troy appoints Shirley Bennett

138
00:05:40,952 --> 00:05:43,070
as his second-in-command,
at which point,

139
00:05:43,071 --> 00:05:45,595
Pierce switches to Abed's side.

140
00:05:45,724 --> 00:05:48,342
There were those who thought
that midnight might come and go,

141
00:05:48,343 --> 00:05:50,140
and nothing would happen.

142
00:05:50,312 --> 00:05:53,764
Well, I was in Korea,
and I knew the sound of crap

143
00:05:53,765 --> 00:05:56,484
when it was about
to hit the fan.

144
00:05:56,555 --> 00:05:59,557
You know what it sounded like?

145
00:06:01,773 --> 00:06:03,574
That's right, Jackson.

146
00:06:04,012 --> 00:06:05,414
Silence.

147
00:06:05,444 --> 00:06:09,146
Midnight comes,
and a campus holds its breath.

148
00:06:09,147 --> 00:06:11,031
I know there's a lot
of blanket stackers

149
00:06:11,032 --> 00:06:12,316
and pillow packers out there

150
00:06:12,317 --> 00:06:13,868
thinking it's going
to go down tonight.

151
00:06:13,869 --> 00:06:16,620
But there's a lot of us folks
from the scene in between

152
00:06:16,621 --> 00:06:18,956
saying, "Hey, we're all
looking to chill out

153
00:06:18,957 --> 00:06:20,591
and lay down
with someone special."

154
00:06:20,592 --> 00:06:23,344
This is real Neil
with pipes of steel,

155
00:06:23,345 --> 00:06:25,629
signing of with
the smooth sounds

156
00:06:25,630 --> 00:06:26,714
of daybreak.

157
00:06:31,369 --> 00:06:32,908
I gotta get this on film.

158
00:06:32,938 --> 00:06:35,689
I am straight trouncing spaz
in go fish.

159
00:06:35,690 --> 00:06:36,974
Dude, what are you doing?

160
00:06:36,975 --> 00:06:38,058
Don't record this.

161
00:06:39,177 --> 00:06:40,927
Wait, did you hear that?

162
00:06:40,977 --> 00:06:44,011
What the hell is that?

163
00:06:44,349 --> 00:06:45,900
12:07 A.M.

164
00:06:45,901 --> 00:06:48,736
Blanketsburg soldiers charge
a pillow fort in the library.

165
00:06:48,737 --> 00:06:51,355
The pillowtonians
move quickly to defend.

166
00:06:51,356 --> 00:06:53,541
There were no rules
in that first battle.

167
00:06:53,932 --> 00:06:55,749
You hit someone,
and if they went down,

168
00:06:55,789 --> 00:06:57,678
you stop hitting them.

169
00:06:57,746 --> 00:06:59,630
Call that Common Courtesy.

170
00:07:00,232 --> 00:07:01,764
Then what if they get up?

171
00:07:01,793 --> 00:07:04,990
Do you maybe keep hitting them
till they learn to stay down?

172
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:08,038
We call that Common Sense.

173
00:07:09,641 --> 00:07:11,542
The battle lasts six minutes.

174
00:07:11,543 --> 00:07:13,878
No territory changes hands.

175
00:07:13,879 --> 00:07:16,096
Blanketsburg
has drawn first blood.

176
00:07:16,097 --> 00:07:19,049
Pillowtown will draw
First Blood part II.

177
00:07:19,050 --> 00:07:24,507
Citizens of Blanketsburg,
I ask you now

178
00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:26,781
to prepare for war.

179
00:07:26,888 --> 00:07:31,245
And I ask Garrett to please fix
the microphone on my laptop.

180
00:07:31,277 --> 00:07:33,478
It's doing that thing again.

181
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,088
The United Forts of Pillowtown

182
00:07:38,089 --> 00:07:39,623
and the Legit Republic
of Blanketsburg

183
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,093
are at war,

184
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:44,463
each side attempting to kick down
and replace the other.

185
00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:47,182
The unmoving line between them

186
00:07:47,183 --> 00:07:49,535
is a campus-wide,
fleece-laden strip

187
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:52,137
of pillow-to-pillow
combat.

188
00:07:53,256 --> 00:07:55,140
Britta Perry attempts to capture

189
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,693
the war's
sublime indignities on film.

190
00:07:58,428 --> 00:07:59,827
Unfortunately for Britta

191
00:07:59,871 --> 00:08:01,715
and millions of photographers
like her,

192
00:08:01,845 --> 00:08:04,026
just because something
is in black and white

193
00:08:04,061 --> 00:08:06,195
doesn't mean it's good.

194
00:08:06,384 --> 00:08:10,303
Rules are agreed upon,
but casualties are inevitable.

195
00:08:11,228 --> 00:08:12,721
Outside the science lab,

196
00:08:12,775 --> 00:08:14,526
at the Battle
of Big Bulletin Board,

197
00:08:14,527 --> 00:08:17,294
Pierce Hawthorne
suffers broken glasses,

198
00:08:17,295 --> 00:08:19,909
a hurt finger,
and erectile dysfunction,

199
00:08:19,910 --> 00:08:22,367
which, in his words,
had never happened ever

200
00:08:22,368 --> 00:08:23,452
before that battle.

201
00:08:24,388 --> 00:08:26,547
"Pillows, but no sleep.

202
00:08:26,642 --> 00:08:28,587
"Feathers, but no birds.

203
00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:30,309
"Pajamas without children.

204
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,927
"Violence without purpose.

205
00:08:32,092 --> 00:08:35,037
I saw mommy
kissing Exxon Mobil."

206
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:36,473
Amanda Johnson.

207
00:08:36,505 --> 00:08:39,744
Poet by choice,
lesbian by birth.

208
00:08:39,802 --> 00:08:41,988
Even Jeff Winger,
who, before the war,

209
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:45,443
lacked interest in it,
has now found a leading role.

210
00:08:45,514 --> 00:08:47,348
Soldiers of Blanketsburg,

211
00:08:47,732 --> 00:08:50,367
we fight not
because we want war.

212
00:08:50,477 --> 00:08:51,844
We fight,

213
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:54,172
- that we might gain peace!
- Yeah!

214
00:08:54,209 --> 00:08:55,726
Winger's critics suggest

215
00:08:55,727 --> 00:08:59,004
he merely improvised
hot-button patriotic dogma

216
00:08:59,141 --> 00:09:02,841
in a Ferris Bueller-ian attempt
to delay schoolwork.

217
00:09:02,926 --> 00:09:04,987
Winger decries
the accusation as,

218
00:09:04,988 --> 00:09:08,574
"A slanderous betrayal
akin to 9/11."

219
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:10,098
Later after the war,

220
00:09:10,099 --> 00:09:13,630
he would refer to the theory
as "essentially accurate."

221
00:09:13,778 --> 00:09:16,418
Annie Edison provides
humanitarian relief

222
00:09:16,419 --> 00:09:17,731
for both sides.

223
00:09:17,829 --> 00:09:20,805
Her text conversations with
Jeff Winger give us a glimpse

224
00:09:20,806 --> 00:09:23,389
beneath the cushions of war
to the lost pennies

225
00:09:23,390 --> 00:09:27,679
and grody q-tips
of war's emotional toll.

226
00:09:28,286 --> 00:09:31,126
"Jeff, heard from one of
Troy's soldiers about a speech

227
00:09:31,127 --> 00:09:32,668
"you gave to troops
at the blanket fort.

228
00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:34,206
"Wish this war could be over.

229
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,375
But proud of you
for taking a stance."

230
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:37,559
Text message.

231
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,244
Annie Edison.

232
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,362
"Thank you, Annie.

233
00:09:40,363 --> 00:09:42,197
"I'm proud of you too
and of us all.

234
00:09:42,198 --> 00:09:43,665
"Also with the nightmare
would end.

235
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,051
But using what I'm given
to give what I can."

236
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:47,369
Jeff Winger.

237
00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:49,329
"Jeff, just heard
from one of Abed's soldiers

238
00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:51,613
"that you gave an identical
speech to troops at Pillowtown.

239
00:09:51,614 --> 00:09:53,163
"WTF? Sad face.

240
00:09:53,164 --> 00:09:54,875
Special icon of
a downward thumb."

241
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,561
"Annie, okay, you caught me.

242
00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:58,263
"I prefer war to homework.

243
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,848
"How do you do
that little thumb icon?

244
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,516
I can't find it on my phone."

245
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:02,751
Jeff Winger.

246
00:10:02,752 --> 00:10:04,386
"Jeff, you're disgusting.

247
00:10:04,387 --> 00:10:06,403
"Troy and Abed's friendship
is at stake.

248
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:08,940
"You can buy special icons
and packages at the app store.

249
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,943
Piece of Sushi, birthday cake,
stop sign, snowman, umbrella."

250
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,345
Annie Edison.

251
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,417
Pierce Hawthorne, humiliated

252
00:10:15,418 --> 00:10:17,110
in the Battle
of Big Bulletin Board,

253
00:10:17,111 --> 00:10:19,010
wants a chance
to redeem himself.

254
00:10:19,196 --> 00:10:22,082
I'm working on something.
Look at this.

255
00:10:23,572 --> 00:10:25,090
You can build this?

256
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:27,175
You just give me the pillows.

257
00:10:28,207 --> 00:10:29,963
I hope to God
we'll never have to use it.

258
00:10:29,964 --> 00:10:31,225
Oh, me too.

259
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,664
Rumors of Hawthorne's weapon

260
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,016
find their way to Troy.

261
00:10:34,017 --> 00:10:36,044
Troy Barnes
will take no chances.

262
00:10:36,119 --> 00:10:39,483
He turns to Ben Chang,
Greendale's chief of security,

263
00:10:39,567 --> 00:10:41,588
rumored to be
literally psychotic,

264
00:10:41,636 --> 00:10:45,128
and who has been kept on
the sidelines until this moment.

265
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,620
Aah!

266
00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,272
Chang has recruited an army

267
00:10:57,273 --> 00:10:59,541
of preteen security interns

268
00:10:59,542 --> 00:11:02,044
while moonlighting
at a local Bar Mitzvah.

269
00:11:02,045 --> 00:11:05,447
They were later nicknamed
"The Changlorious Basterds,"

270
00:11:05,448 --> 00:11:07,449
like Inglourious Basterds,

271
00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:09,820
but with "Chang"
instead of "In."

272
00:11:10,264 --> 00:11:11,831
I don't get it either.

273
00:11:11,948 --> 00:11:13,810
Most of the soldiers
in this war

274
00:11:13,811 --> 00:11:16,139
hadn't fought
with a pillow in years.

275
00:11:16,315 --> 00:11:18,100
These little bastards.

276
00:11:18,139 --> 00:11:20,374
Pillow fighting was
a way of life for them.

277
00:11:20,487 --> 00:11:22,467
One of the interns said
they were making necklaces

278
00:11:22,468 --> 00:11:23,934
out of mattress tags.

279
00:11:24,097 --> 00:11:26,787
This is when things get
as ugly as they can get...

280
00:11:26,873 --> 00:11:29,485
While still being
a pillow fight.

281
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:30,972
"Crazy war, huh?

282
00:11:30,973 --> 00:11:33,358
"I heard Chang's kids
are really ducking stuff up.

283
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,360
"Hey, check it out.
I downloaded that thing.

284
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:38,263
"Birthday cake, birthday cake,
unicorn, woman's shoe.

285
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:39,264
How's the nurse thing going?"

286
00:11:40,117 --> 00:11:41,748
No response.

287
00:11:41,818 --> 00:11:44,086
You guys like pillows?

288
00:11:44,087 --> 00:11:45,454
How do you like these pillows?

289
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,954
The Changlorious
Basterds have turned the war

290
00:11:47,955 --> 00:11:51,022
into a chaotic sea
of high-thread-count terror.

291
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,366
Under advice
from his top general,

292
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:56,898
Abed sees no choice but to
unleash his doomsday device.

293
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:05,056
You're going to die,
you little bastards!

294
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,674
What the heck is that?

295
00:12:06,675 --> 00:12:08,776
He is part man, part pillow...

296
00:12:08,777 --> 00:12:11,687
All carnage.

297
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,659
Pierce Hawthorne
has transformed himself

298
00:12:15,682 --> 00:12:19,006
into an unstoppably
plush juggernaut.

299
00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:21,206
Guys, guys, let's retreat.
Go, go!

300
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:23,840
"The war won't stop with
First Blood part II.

301
00:12:23,916 --> 00:12:26,557
"It will escalate to Rambo III,
which should really be called

302
00:12:26,558 --> 00:12:28,257
First Blood part III.

303
00:12:28,364 --> 00:12:30,398
"But the Rambo titles
never made sense.

304
00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:32,064
And neither does war."

305
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:33,418
Abed Nadir.

306
00:12:33,574 --> 00:12:35,533
Facebook status update.

307
00:12:35,894 --> 00:12:37,862
Leonard likes this post.

308
00:12:46,426 --> 00:12:47,860
Why are you ignoring me?

309
00:12:47,904 --> 00:12:49,088
What's the point
of talking to you?

310
00:12:49,152 --> 00:12:50,398
Your words don't mean anything.

311
00:12:50,399 --> 00:12:52,217
They're just things you say
to get what you want.

312
00:12:52,736 --> 00:12:55,166
Well, that's what
conversation is, Annie.

313
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,995
People saying things
to get stuff.

314
00:12:57,064 --> 00:12:58,714
Then maybe you
should just shut up.

315
00:12:59,637 --> 00:13:00,843
Do you ever just...

316
00:13:01,006 --> 00:13:02,795
Write stuff down
in a journal, Jeff?

317
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:05,550
One you don't show people
or use to get anything with?

318
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,489
A place
that's just for you to...

319
00:13:07,575 --> 00:13:08,612
Sort out the truth?

320
00:13:08,658 --> 00:13:10,306
If I write stuff down
in a Hello Kitty book,

321
00:13:10,339 --> 00:13:12,541
will you like me again?

322
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,178
I'm taking that as yes.

323
00:13:16,179 --> 00:13:18,463
The war brings out
the worst in people.

324
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:21,716
Worse yet, Troy's forces
intercept an e-mail

325
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:23,768
written by Abed
to his commanders,

326
00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:25,921
outlining Troy's weaknesses.

327
00:13:25,922 --> 00:13:28,273
"Troy will hold on
until he is broken emotionally.

328
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:29,941
"Fortunately,
this will not be hard.

329
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:31,676
"He gets distracted
by loud noises,

330
00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:34,079
"the color red,
smooth jazz, shiny things

331
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,147
"food smells, music boxes,
bellbottoms,

332
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,917
"boobs, barking dogs, and anyone
saying, "Look over there!"

333
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:41,286
"He's insecure about his level
of intelligence.

334
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:43,822
"His greatest vulnerability of
all is his emotional frailty.

335
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,540
"It's incredibly easy
to make him cry.

336
00:13:45,541 --> 00:13:46,955
And he's incredibly ashamed
of that fact."

337
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:47,752
Get away!

338
00:13:47,817 --> 00:13:49,739
Unfortunately,
the only photographer there

339
00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:52,163
to capture the scene
is Britta Perry.

340
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:54,566
Yeah, gee.

341
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,151
There's a good one.

342
00:13:56,152 --> 00:13:57,919
Pictured here lying down,

343
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,339
Troy's does not take
Abed's e-mail lying down.

344
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,758
"Hey, dick.
Read your dumb e-mail.

345
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:05,760
"Really enjoyed it.
Guess what?

346
00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:07,145
"You may have been
my best friend,

347
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:09,064
"but we both know
I was your first friend.

348
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:10,615
"And what I know
but you don't know

349
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,017
"because you have mental issues

350
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,985
"is that you're never going
to have another friend.

351
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:16,988
"Because... all caps...

352
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,573
MY PATIENCE WITH YOU!"

353
00:14:18,574 --> 00:14:22,077
Troy Barnes.
Four-part text message.

354
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:23,595
Word got around these two

355
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:26,197
were now hurting
each ether's feelings.

356
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:29,050
And I thought
about what Annie said,

357
00:14:29,051 --> 00:14:30,535
and then I thought about

358
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,238
what I might do
to make things right.

359
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:35,340
At 8:00 P.M.
of the second night,

360
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,742
both sides are honoring
an agreed upon cease-fire

361
00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:40,295
so that the infantry
can watch the hit TV show

362
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,896
Ski, Shoot, Sing,

363
00:14:41,897 --> 00:14:44,849
a combination biathlon
singing competition,

364
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:46,801
which was no fun
to watch time-shifted

365
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:49,137
because then you'd be
the last to know who won.

366
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:50,672
During the cease-fire,

367
00:14:50,673 --> 00:14:54,059
Jeff summons Troy and Abed
to a secret summit meeting.

368
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,927
- This has to stop.
- Tell him.

369
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:57,317
Me?
What about your e-mail?

370
00:14:57,318 --> 00:14:58,288
You weren't supposed
to see that.

371
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,397
You weren't supposed
to think those things.

372
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,766
Guys, look at yourselves.

373
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:03,485
You didn't
used to be like this.

374
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:07,188
You were Troy and Abed.
Things used to be easy.

375
00:15:07,189 --> 00:15:09,023
He's right.

376
00:15:09,024 --> 00:15:11,409
Our friendship is dead.
What?

377
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,161
Yeah, I think we should agree
right now

378
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,797
that whoever wins this war
can stay in the apartment.

379
00:15:15,798 --> 00:15:17,365
Loser has to find a new place.

380
00:15:17,366 --> 00:15:20,368
Agreed.

381
00:15:22,638 --> 00:15:25,256
Uh, I wanted that
to go different.

382
00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:30,762
The North Cafeteria,

383
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,681
named after
admiral William North,

384
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:35,700
is located in the western
portion of East Hall,

385
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,886
gateway to the western half
of North Hall,

386
00:15:37,887 --> 00:15:39,938
which is named
not after William North,

387
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,374
but for its position
above the South Wall.

388
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,059
It is the most contested
and confusing battlefield

389
00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,478
on Greendale's campus,

390
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,663
next to the English Memorial
Spanish Center,

391
00:15:48,664 --> 00:15:50,582
named after English Memorial,

392
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,951
a portuguese sailor
that discovered Greendale

393
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,870
while looking for a fountain
that cured syphilis.

394
00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:59,424
In a fit of hurt feelings, Troy
redirects most of his infantry

395
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:00,675
to the Cafeteria.

396
00:16:00,676 --> 00:16:02,877
They arrive at the same time

397
00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:05,263
as 100 Pillowtown troops.

398
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:13,722
Just after dawn,
the end of the war begins.

399
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,382
Aah!
Okay, I'm out.

400
00:16:40,383 --> 00:16:42,083
I'm dead, I'm dead.

401
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,501
I'm dead.
I'm dead.

402
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:18,586
Well, that's it.

403
00:17:18,587 --> 00:17:20,255
I just heard
from the Guinness rep.

404
00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:21,339
He's not coming.

405
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:23,658
He's been fired,
in what he described

406
00:17:23,659 --> 00:17:25,660
as the world's biggest mistake.

407
00:17:25,661 --> 00:17:28,179
I doubt that will make
the next edition.

408
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:29,464
Anyway, it's over.

409
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:34,168
What a colossal waste
of 21/2 days.

410
00:17:34,169 --> 00:17:37,305
The war has
no more reason to continue,

411
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:41,843
and yet it does
between the two that began it.

412
00:17:41,844 --> 00:17:44,062
They just kept fighting.

413
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,963
Like, for hours.

414
00:17:48,755 --> 00:17:50,597
Come on, guys.
Let's wrap this up.

415
00:17:50,598 --> 00:17:51,378
I don't want to.

416
00:17:51,379 --> 00:17:52,584
- Me neither.
- Why not?

417
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,355
This is going to be the last
thing we ever do together.

418
00:17:54,356 --> 00:17:56,023
We can't stop.

419
00:17:56,024 --> 00:17:58,526
Doesn't that
kind of solve your problem?

420
00:17:58,527 --> 00:18:00,411
The realization that you
like each other so much,

421
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:04,031
you'd hit each other
with pillows forever?

422
00:18:04,032 --> 00:18:06,751
Knowing that doesn't
feel like enough anymore.

423
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,419
Yeah.
We're grown-ups now.

424
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:09,454
We have grown-up problems.

425
00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:12,791
That's very clear.

426
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:15,393
Unless...

427
00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:18,163
You use those magical friendship
hats that I got for you.

428
00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:20,548
We're not stupid, Jeffrey.

429
00:18:20,549 --> 00:18:22,100
We know you made those
sarcastically.

430
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,268
Yes, yes.

431
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,236
And I will roll my eyes
at both of you

432
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:29,390
when I put them on your heads
because that's the way I am.

433
00:18:29,391 --> 00:18:33,578
But that's not the way
you have to be.

434
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:42,904
We might be interested.

435
00:18:42,905 --> 00:18:46,407
Okay, then.

436
00:18:46,408 --> 00:18:48,543
Here's your magical
Friendship Hat, and...

437
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,628
- Jeff.
- What?

438
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,213
You left the magical
Friendship Hats

439
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,582
at the Dean's office.

440
00:18:54,583 --> 00:18:55,717
Right.

441
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:58,603
Of course.
I'll go get them.

442
00:18:58,604 --> 00:18:59,921
So Jeff went out,

443
00:18:59,922 --> 00:19:01,890
and he stayed out long enough
to make them believe

444
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,942
he had gone back to the office.

445
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,994
That was a nice touch.

446
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,816
There you go.

447
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:15,153
Lucky no one grabbed them, huh?

448
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:20,859
Britta Perry
is there to immortalize

449
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,627
the moment on film...

450
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:25,463
Accidentally while trying
to get a picture of the light

451
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:27,799
hitting a stack
of nearby waffles.

452
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,467
Pierce, take that off.

453
00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:31,586
I can't hear you!
Your cheeks are in the way.

454
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,388
First entry
in my stupid journal.

455
00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:36,307
Today I had to run and get
two imaginary Friendship Hats

456
00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:37,508
from an office.

457
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,010
I could've just walked
around the corner

458
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,045
and the come back,
but for some reason,

459
00:19:41,046 --> 00:19:42,564
I actually went
all the way back

460
00:19:42,565 --> 00:19:44,131
to where they were
supposed to be.

461
00:19:44,132 --> 00:19:46,267
One was crumpled up a bit.
That was Troy's.

462
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,570
The other was just a little
dusty. That was Abed's.

463
00:19:48,571 --> 00:19:51,723
I fixed them up even though
I was the only one watching

464
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,975
because I settled on
a truth today

465
00:19:53,976 --> 00:19:55,660
that's always going to be true.

466
00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:58,312
I would do anything
for my friends,

467
00:19:58,313 --> 00:20:00,698
which I think is how everyone
in the world feels,

468
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,701
which finally makes me
understand war.

469
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:08,423
Guys...

470
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:10,091
I wasn't going
to show this to anyone,

471
00:20:10,092 --> 00:20:12,176
but, uh, it's pretty profound.

472
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:14,012
I kind of nailed it.

473
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,764
If you want, I can read it
in the documentary.

474
00:20:16,765 --> 00:20:18,499
That is,
unless you get Tom Hanks.

475
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:19,684
We tried to get Tom Hanks,

476
00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:20,857
but he's too expensive.

477
00:20:20,893 --> 00:20:23,778
So we used the people involved
for their own voiceover.

478
00:20:23,779 --> 00:20:25,490
Yeah, and I nailed that too.

479
00:20:25,535 --> 00:20:27,152
Why are you here
at the same time as me?

480
00:20:27,153 --> 00:20:27,987
Tight schedule.

481
00:20:27,988 --> 00:20:31,293
- Hey, were you in The Cape?
- No.

482
00:20:33,011 --> 00:20:34,011
Wow.

483
00:20:34,021 --> 00:20:35,471
- Mm.
- I've got goosebumps.

484
00:20:35,472 --> 00:20:36,689
Me too.
Such a great story.

485
00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:38,307
I was on the edge of my seat,
and I was in it.

486
00:20:38,308 --> 00:20:39,775
You want to know what
struck me while I was watching

487
00:20:39,776 --> 00:20:41,193
- that marvelous documentary?
- Hmm?

488
00:20:41,194 --> 00:20:42,762
You can't get quality
programming like that

489
00:20:42,763 --> 00:20:44,497
anywhere else but right here
on Greendale Campus Television.

490
00:20:44,498 --> 00:20:46,282
Just thinking that same thing.

491
00:20:46,283 --> 00:20:48,334
Pillows and Blankets.

492
00:20:48,335 --> 00:20:49,752
Or any of these other
great specials,

493
00:20:49,753 --> 00:20:51,554
A Year in Paris.

494
00:20:51,555 --> 00:20:53,956
The Annie's Boobs Story

495
00:20:53,957 --> 00:20:55,491
or That's Enter-Chang-Ment.

496
00:20:55,492 --> 00:20:58,294
Folks, we know you hate
these constant pledge drives.

497
00:20:58,295 --> 00:20:59,628
We know you hate them.
We don't love doing them.

498
00:20:59,629 --> 00:21:00,796
We don't like
doing them either.

499
00:21:00,797 --> 00:21:02,432
- I'd rather be at home right now.
- Mm-hmm.

500
00:21:02,433 --> 00:21:04,760
Okay, taking a warm bath
with my wife.

501
00:21:05,727 --> 00:21:07,979
But if you want to help us out,

502
00:21:07,980 --> 00:21:09,761
if you want to help
Greendale Campus Television

503
00:21:09,762 --> 00:21:11,593
to stay on the air,
keep the lights on.

504
00:21:11,594 --> 00:21:13,949
We are literally this close
to losing our...