1 00:00:01,018 --> 00:00:02,351 Best friends, best friends... 2 00:00:03,943 --> 00:00:04,730 Ah. 3 00:00:08,185 --> 00:00:09,273 I never thought I'd miss it. 4 00:00:09,297 --> 00:00:11,697 How come I'm not best friends with anyone in the group? 5 00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:12,891 Aw! 6 00:00:12,973 --> 00:00:14,625 Don't patronize me. 7 00:00:14,663 --> 00:00:15,677 Oh. 8 00:00:19,247 --> 00:00:20,515 Just letting the students know 9 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,577 that if you're on campus this weekend, 10 00:00:22,592 --> 00:00:24,124 you'll have to park on the street 11 00:00:24,155 --> 00:00:25,522 because of the carnival. 12 00:00:25,565 --> 00:00:28,659 On an unrelated note, I'm into trains now. 13 00:00:28,770 --> 00:00:29,778 A real carnival? 14 00:00:29,814 --> 00:00:32,215 Is the company called red beard's amusements? 15 00:00:32,271 --> 00:00:33,471 Name rings a bell. 16 00:00:33,538 --> 00:00:34,905 But with me, that could mean anything. 17 00:00:34,973 --> 00:00:36,740 I wonder. 18 00:00:36,808 --> 00:00:39,142 I have an ex-boyfriend that travels with a carnival. 19 00:00:42,184 --> 00:00:43,401 I'm sorry, Britta. 20 00:00:43,439 --> 00:00:45,528 Some things are funny because they make no sense. 21 00:00:45,562 --> 00:00:47,825 And that is not one of them. 22 00:00:47,886 --> 00:00:51,220 Well, it looks like my news has incited some doings. 23 00:00:51,288 --> 00:00:53,490 And if that's not my job, what is? 24 00:00:53,557 --> 00:00:55,593 Choo choo! 25 00:00:55,798 --> 00:00:57,966 Well, you're also supposed to— 26 00:00:58,496 --> 00:01:01,063 Eh. Administrate the school. 27 00:01:01,131 --> 00:01:04,000 So, Britta, tell us about your carnival worker boyfriend. 28 00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:05,834 Why, so you all can get a big laugh? 29 00:01:05,902 --> 00:01:07,035 - Yeah. - I'd love to have a laugh. 30 00:01:07,103 --> 00:01:08,236 The exact reason. 31 00:01:08,304 --> 00:01:10,472 Fine. I'm not ashamed of my past. 32 00:01:10,540 --> 00:01:11,874 And if it entertains you guys, 33 00:01:11,941 --> 00:01:14,442 that's great because we're friends. 34 00:01:14,511 --> 00:01:16,077 His name is Blade and... 35 00:01:17,514 --> 00:01:18,680 What? Oh, no, Britta! 36 00:01:18,748 --> 00:01:21,082 She invoked friendship to undercut the laugh, 37 00:01:21,150 --> 00:01:23,350 and we're still laughing. That's how funny it is! 38 00:01:23,418 --> 00:01:25,085 His name is Blade. Is that legal? 39 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,487 Shouldn't new line cinema be suing him? 40 00:01:26,555 --> 00:01:28,789 He was called that before that stupid movie. 41 00:01:28,857 --> 00:01:31,659 He was called that before the fantastic movie. 42 00:01:31,727 --> 00:01:33,160 And it was a marvel comic in 1973. 43 00:01:33,228 --> 00:01:34,428 Well, nerd alert. 44 00:01:34,496 --> 00:01:36,230 Well, ex-boyfriend named Blade alert. 45 00:01:37,499 --> 00:01:40,166 Her love life makes Pierce seem with it. 46 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:41,568 Her pain unifies us. 47 00:01:41,636 --> 00:01:44,442 She has the king Arthur of bad taste in men. 48 00:01:44,457 --> 00:01:46,168 I'm glad you guys are reacting this way. 49 00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:48,933 I need to be reminded that he is the worst on earth. 50 00:01:48,993 --> 00:01:51,094 Because if he comes through town and calls me, 51 00:01:51,138 --> 00:01:52,956 I will be there in five minutes. 52 00:01:53,067 --> 00:01:55,021 - I don't understand. - Uh, Andre much? 53 00:01:55,044 --> 00:01:56,781 - Okay, I understand. - I don't. 54 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:57,917 - You will. - What's that mean? 55 00:01:57,984 --> 00:01:59,785 - He's hung. - Oh, God! 56 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,086 Pierce, you're disgusting. 57 00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:02,588 Just like that I'm disgusting again. 58 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:05,758 I was one of the gang. It was in my hand. 59 00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:07,380 Sometimes, a woman meets a man 60 00:02:07,451 --> 00:02:09,112 that she just can't shake from her system 61 00:02:09,113 --> 00:02:10,745 no matter much she knows better. 62 00:02:10,908 --> 00:02:13,150 I lucked out with Andre, but God help me. 63 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,179 As you all know, there's not a lot he couldn't get away with. 64 00:02:15,233 --> 00:02:18,002 So what, Britta? You're in love with a guy 65 00:02:18,070 --> 00:02:19,971 who's named after a kickboxing vampire movie? 66 00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:22,607 A fantastic kickboxing vampire movie. 67 00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:25,943 No, I don't believe in love because of this guy... 68 00:02:26,010 --> 00:02:28,344 Named after a kickboxing vampire movie. 69 00:02:28,412 --> 00:02:29,889 Oh, Britta! 70 00:02:29,931 --> 00:02:31,350 Oh, sweetie. 71 00:02:31,386 --> 00:02:32,363 You wanna watch Blade tonight? 72 00:02:32,364 --> 00:02:33,497 Yes. 73 00:02:57,405 --> 00:03:00,351 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com. Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 74 00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:03,075 Ugh, I love that I have a locker now. 75 00:03:03,107 --> 00:03:04,774 All that wasted time going to my car 76 00:03:04,842 --> 00:03:07,010 for mid-afternoon wardrobe adjustments. 77 00:03:07,077 --> 00:03:09,679 What do you think, hmm? Stick with what's working? 78 00:03:09,746 --> 00:03:10,847 You're gonna change your shirt? 79 00:03:10,915 --> 00:03:12,381 Not if it's working. 80 00:03:12,449 --> 00:03:14,449 - It's not working. - Yeah. 81 00:03:14,517 --> 00:03:16,484 You're right. I knew it. 82 00:03:16,552 --> 00:03:19,387 - I'll have what she's having. - Hey, grow up, lady! 83 00:03:19,455 --> 00:03:21,890 - Annie! - His shirt wasn't working! 84 00:03:21,958 --> 00:03:23,258 I need your help. 85 00:03:23,326 --> 00:03:24,693 It Blade's carnival that's coming. 86 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:26,728 He's working the BB gun duck-shooting gallery. 87 00:03:26,796 --> 00:03:28,630 I guess he finally got the promotion. 88 00:03:28,698 --> 00:03:30,064 And he will call me. 89 00:03:30,132 --> 00:03:31,432 And left unattended, 90 00:03:31,499 --> 00:03:33,434 I will end up doing him like a crossword, 91 00:03:33,501 --> 00:03:35,002 and I will regret it. 92 00:03:35,070 --> 00:03:36,337 So I need you to take my phone, 93 00:03:36,404 --> 00:03:37,671 and don't give it back until Monday! 94 00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:38,672 Of course. Okay. 95 00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,174 - For real? - Pipe it! 96 00:03:40,242 --> 00:03:42,276 And I need to stay with you this weekend. 97 00:03:42,344 --> 00:03:45,046 Not just stay with you, I need to be on lockdown. 98 00:03:45,113 --> 00:03:47,647 You were a pillhead, so think of Blade as Adderall. 99 00:03:47,715 --> 00:03:49,382 And handcuff me to the radiator 100 00:03:49,450 --> 00:03:51,885 like a mother-flipping carny-banging werewolf. 101 00:03:51,953 --> 00:03:53,419 I got this. I got this. 102 00:03:53,487 --> 00:03:54,754 Our apartment has central heating, 103 00:03:54,822 --> 00:03:56,389 but I get the idea— stay strong. 104 00:03:56,457 --> 00:03:58,925 Man, I wonder how many women I've affected this way. 105 00:03:58,993 --> 00:04:00,126 Ha ha! 106 00:04:03,964 --> 00:04:05,364 Whoo whoo! 107 00:04:05,431 --> 00:04:07,632 All aboard the human being railway! 108 00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:09,434 Next stop, spo— 109 00:04:09,502 --> 00:04:10,903 - I'll get to the point. 110 00:04:10,971 --> 00:04:12,571 I'd like your student Troy Barnes 111 00:04:12,638 --> 00:04:15,040 enrolled in the air conditioning repair program immediately. 112 00:04:15,108 --> 00:04:18,243 Oh, a wonderful opportunity for a young man of... 113 00:04:18,310 --> 00:04:19,844 Urban race. 114 00:04:19,912 --> 00:04:22,813 Yet try as I might, I'm unable to make him see it that way. 115 00:04:22,882 --> 00:04:25,716 I need you to change his mind. 116 00:04:25,784 --> 00:04:27,919 But if he's not interested, what can I do? 117 00:04:27,987 --> 00:04:30,488 Dean, have we forgotten that your school 118 00:04:30,555 --> 00:04:32,991 is under the ac repair school's thumb? 119 00:04:33,058 --> 00:04:34,457 Uh, we have not. 120 00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:37,660 Then mine is not to tell you how to do what I want done. 121 00:04:37,728 --> 00:04:39,296 Mine is to want 122 00:04:39,364 --> 00:04:42,165 and to say my want. 123 00:04:42,233 --> 00:04:44,101 Yours is to know and to do. 124 00:04:44,168 --> 00:04:45,802 I know exactly what to do. 125 00:04:48,606 --> 00:04:53,809 Natalie, could you get me a, um, book on how to do things? 126 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,912 You know what, just make me a scotch and soda. 127 00:04:55,979 --> 00:04:57,813 - Make it yourself! - I don't know how. 128 00:04:59,482 --> 00:05:00,883 I love Blade's special Blade weapons. 129 00:05:00,951 --> 00:05:02,751 Yeah, see that sword? It has two blades. 130 00:05:02,819 --> 00:05:03,891 One blade is silver, 131 00:05:03,892 --> 00:05:05,288 the other blade is infused with garlic. 132 00:05:05,362 --> 00:05:07,155 - I should check my messages. - No. 133 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,590 Guys, could we maybe watch a different movie 134 00:05:09,658 --> 00:05:11,793 or just stop saying that word six times per minute? 135 00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:12,844 - What word? - Blade. 136 00:05:12,883 --> 00:05:14,190 Oh, because of Britta's ex-boyfriend. 137 00:05:14,242 --> 00:05:15,782 Can you check my messages for me 138 00:05:15,798 --> 00:05:16,855 and tell me if he called? 139 00:05:16,856 --> 00:05:17,946 I don't think that's a good idea. 140 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,056 What if my mother died? 141 00:05:19,057 --> 00:05:21,204 You guys are really talking over Blade. 142 00:05:21,503 --> 00:05:23,541 - Not cool! - Annie, subdue your guest. 143 00:05:23,542 --> 00:05:25,287 Annie, think for one second. 144 00:05:25,399 --> 00:05:27,566 You have my phone, and you're not even checking it. 145 00:05:27,775 --> 00:05:29,043 What if my mother is dying? 146 00:05:29,110 --> 00:05:30,243 This is junkie talk. 147 00:05:30,299 --> 00:05:31,821 You just wanna know where your phone's hidden. 148 00:05:31,822 --> 00:05:33,499 I just wanna know if my mother is dying. 149 00:05:33,529 --> 00:05:36,076 It's a simple yes or no. I'll cover my eyes. 150 00:05:36,138 --> 00:05:37,519 You go check my phone and say, 151 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:40,661 "no, your mother isn't dying" or "yes, your mother is dying," 152 00:05:40,787 --> 00:05:44,257 and then we go back to watching the film. 153 00:05:56,235 --> 00:05:57,769 Give it to me! 154 00:05:57,837 --> 00:05:59,537 That's right, Britta. It's a banana. 155 00:05:59,605 --> 00:06:02,040 Why is there a banana in your DVD cabinet? 156 00:06:02,108 --> 00:06:04,476 Read the banana, Britta. 157 00:06:04,543 --> 00:06:06,544 "You are a lying junkie." 158 00:06:06,612 --> 00:06:08,046 I'm sure those words hurt. 159 00:06:08,114 --> 00:06:11,315 But you wouldn't be reading them if they weren't true. 160 00:06:11,383 --> 00:06:14,818 I am so weak. 161 00:06:14,886 --> 00:06:17,754 But we are not defined by our limitations. 162 00:06:17,822 --> 00:06:20,091 We are defined by our potentials. 163 00:06:20,158 --> 00:06:21,658 I have the potential to watch Blade. 164 00:06:21,726 --> 00:06:24,689 You two are bad friends! Bad. 165 00:06:24,733 --> 00:06:26,508 That's unfair. What about you guys? 166 00:06:26,563 --> 00:06:28,965 Okay, you don't like our movie, we can't say the word "Blade," 167 00:06:29,033 --> 00:06:30,533 there's phones in the refrigerator. 168 00:06:30,601 --> 00:06:32,002 Oops. 169 00:06:32,069 --> 00:06:34,237 - Troy, Abed! - Let me see if he called! 170 00:06:34,305 --> 00:06:36,539 I have a right to know! You're monsters! 171 00:06:36,607 --> 00:06:39,275 You're Hitlers! You're racist pedophiles! 172 00:06:39,343 --> 00:06:41,244 You're the opposites of Batman! 173 00:06:41,312 --> 00:06:42,577 You don't know what that means. 174 00:06:42,645 --> 00:06:44,746 Gonna rip out your throats and eat your— 175 00:06:44,814 --> 00:06:46,215 Still think the lock was overkill? 176 00:06:46,282 --> 00:06:47,949 No. 177 00:06:48,018 --> 00:06:49,951 There's phones in the refrigerator. 178 00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:52,687 It's you. 179 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,129 I need help reacting to something. 180 00:07:01,742 --> 00:07:03,156 Hi! 181 00:07:06,795 --> 00:07:08,875 Remember it's just a quick icky play. 182 00:07:08,876 --> 00:07:10,123 You tell anyone we did this, 183 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:11,873 I will stop letting you do things with me 184 00:07:11,941 --> 00:07:13,408 I'm afraid to tell anyone about. 185 00:07:13,428 --> 00:07:14,262 Hey, I get it. 186 00:07:14,263 --> 00:07:15,734 You wanna take a look at Britta's ex-boyfriend. 187 00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:17,570 If you did it by yourself, you'd be weird. 188 00:07:19,099 --> 00:07:20,565 You're the only one that really understands me. 189 00:07:20,602 --> 00:07:21,266 Oh, funky. 190 00:07:21,425 --> 00:07:22,324 Ha! 191 00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:24,430 What, are you guys on a date? 192 00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:26,615 Pretty awkward. Look what Pierce won me. 193 00:07:26,683 --> 00:07:28,117 What is this? 194 00:07:28,185 --> 00:07:30,497 I decided to go outside the group for a best friend. 195 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:31,917 And you couldn't do better than Chang? 196 00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:33,084 You take that back! 197 00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:34,586 He could do plenty better than me. 198 00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:36,554 I was the first to say yes. 199 00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:37,755 Well, have fun forcing life. 200 00:07:37,823 --> 00:07:40,057 We will. 201 00:07:40,125 --> 00:07:41,392 What do you wanna do next? 202 00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:42,694 - Cotton candy? - Russian roulette? 203 00:07:42,761 --> 00:07:45,330 - What did you say? - Cotton candy sounds great. 204 00:07:46,898 --> 00:07:49,834 Oh, thank you. 205 00:07:53,304 --> 00:07:55,472 That's it? Huh. 206 00:07:55,540 --> 00:07:57,341 Hmm. He's not as good-looking as you. 207 00:07:57,408 --> 00:07:59,008 - I wasn't fishing for that. - No, no, no. 208 00:07:59,076 --> 00:08:01,545 I offered it freely. Come on, I wanna go on a ride. 209 00:08:01,612 --> 00:08:02,659 This is a window for me. 210 00:08:02,693 --> 00:08:04,093 I spent my carnival years pregnant. 211 00:08:04,154 --> 00:08:05,263 Shirley, I'm not jealous. 212 00:08:05,309 --> 00:08:06,877 I just wanted to see what the deal was. 213 00:08:07,017 --> 00:08:09,006 Obviously the deal is he's a dirtball, 214 00:08:09,007 --> 00:08:10,944 Britta hates herself, voila. 215 00:08:11,066 --> 00:08:12,333 What do you wanna do? 216 00:08:12,356 --> 00:08:13,775 I'd like to go on a ride. 217 00:08:13,776 --> 00:08:15,220 Let's go shoot some ducks. 218 00:08:15,359 --> 00:08:17,092 Jeffrey! 219 00:08:17,620 --> 00:08:18,941 Eight of clubs. I win. 220 00:08:18,995 --> 00:08:21,230 Nice! 221 00:08:21,297 --> 00:08:24,065 - How are you feeling? - Good. 222 00:08:24,452 --> 00:08:26,407 Great, actually. Thank you, Annie. 223 00:08:26,408 --> 00:08:27,896 I could've never done this without you. 224 00:08:27,897 --> 00:08:29,296 I'm glad to be able to help you. 225 00:08:29,338 --> 00:08:30,202 I want you to know— 226 00:08:30,203 --> 00:08:31,461 and I've never said these words— 227 00:08:31,462 --> 00:08:32,829 but I've always felt them. 228 00:08:33,087 --> 00:08:34,376 You're a sister to me. 229 00:08:35,911 --> 00:08:38,212 Britta! 230 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,947 Whoo! 231 00:08:41,015 --> 00:08:42,249 Hey, little sis, 232 00:08:42,315 --> 00:08:44,715 do you think you could trust me to have my phone back now? 233 00:08:44,716 --> 00:08:46,212 I've got my email on there, 234 00:08:46,213 --> 00:08:48,101 my calendar, homework assignments. 235 00:08:48,102 --> 00:08:50,002 I'm kinda screwed without it. 236 00:08:50,542 --> 00:08:52,362 You're not just manipulating me, right? 237 00:08:52,431 --> 00:08:54,845 Oh, because of... Oh, jeez. 238 00:08:54,896 --> 00:08:57,096 Yeah, whatever. That's over, Annie. 239 00:08:57,163 --> 00:08:58,264 Seriously. 240 00:08:58,331 --> 00:09:00,767 Okay, I have it right here. 241 00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:02,602 It's a gateway to further trust. 242 00:09:02,669 --> 00:09:04,103 Perfect. Thank you. 243 00:09:04,170 --> 00:09:08,441 Love the gateway. Honoring the gateway. 244 00:09:08,509 --> 00:09:11,010 I have to call my doctor for some results. 245 00:09:11,077 --> 00:09:13,311 Don't worry, I'm fine. It's just a little personal. 246 00:09:13,379 --> 00:09:16,448 You need privacy, sure thing. I'll check on you later. 247 00:09:16,516 --> 00:09:18,983 Bye. Thank you, sweetie. 248 00:09:22,955 --> 00:09:25,223 Boy, this guy doesn't give vampires 249 00:09:25,291 --> 00:09:26,591 a square inch of leeway. 250 00:09:26,659 --> 00:09:28,025 He's harsh. 251 00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:32,396 What's wrong, Annie? 252 00:09:32,464 --> 00:09:33,764 You came out of the bedroom smiling, 253 00:09:33,832 --> 00:09:35,966 and then your smile faded as you leaned against the door. 254 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,568 I gave Britta her phone. 255 00:09:37,636 --> 00:09:39,303 You did? Why? 256 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:41,539 She needs to feel trust to recover, or she'll relapse. 257 00:09:41,606 --> 00:09:43,606 She's gonna relapse because you gave her her phone. 258 00:09:43,674 --> 00:09:45,842 No, I secretly switched Blade's number in her phone 259 00:09:45,910 --> 00:09:47,176 to my number. 260 00:09:47,244 --> 00:09:48,478 So if she tries to get in touch with him, 261 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,179 - it'll come to me. - That's diabolical. 262 00:09:50,247 --> 00:09:51,848 Yeah, you're just like Blade, man. 263 00:09:51,916 --> 00:09:53,182 Straight up. 264 00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:54,951 I just hope she can find the strength to— 265 00:09:56,921 --> 00:09:58,555 She's probably just telling him 266 00:09:58,622 --> 00:10:00,656 she's... dying to feel the warmth of his... 267 00:10:00,723 --> 00:10:03,058 Are you kidding me? 268 00:10:03,125 --> 00:10:05,093 She said we were sisters. 269 00:10:05,161 --> 00:10:08,163 I am so sad right now. 270 00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:11,700 And she is so codependent! 271 00:10:11,768 --> 00:10:13,034 And such a bad speller. 272 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,675 Nice shootin'. Tough luck. 273 00:10:20,742 --> 00:10:23,478 Thanks. I'll go another round. 274 00:10:23,545 --> 00:10:25,813 There's room in our bed for three bears, right, honey? 275 00:10:25,881 --> 00:10:27,515 And then some, sugar. 276 00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:29,049 You're very nice... 277 00:10:29,117 --> 00:10:31,085 For a man named... What'd you say it was? Blade? 278 00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:32,452 Yup. 279 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,253 But that's a carnival name though, right? 280 00:10:34,321 --> 00:10:36,523 A nom de corn dog? 281 00:10:36,591 --> 00:10:37,858 Why would I have a carnival name? 282 00:10:37,925 --> 00:10:39,158 Your parents named you Blade? 283 00:10:39,226 --> 00:10:40,527 Apparently. 284 00:10:40,595 --> 00:10:43,129 Well, you seem okay with it. 285 00:10:43,197 --> 00:10:45,231 Not much to do about it. 286 00:10:45,299 --> 00:10:46,232 You could change it. 287 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:49,535 To what? Templeton Ferrari III? 288 00:10:49,603 --> 00:10:51,570 Won't change how mustard tastes. 289 00:10:51,638 --> 00:10:53,873 I'll be right back. 290 00:10:53,940 --> 00:10:55,975 Huh. Won't change how mustard tastes. 291 00:10:56,042 --> 00:10:58,076 I get it. I see the appeal. 292 00:10:58,144 --> 00:10:59,912 He's relaxed, he's cool. 293 00:10:59,980 --> 00:11:03,581 N-not as cool as you. 294 00:11:03,649 --> 00:11:06,183 Mr. Blade. I want three more rounds. 295 00:11:06,251 --> 00:11:07,418 Jeffrey! 296 00:11:07,486 --> 00:11:08,786 Not gonna change the way mustard tastes. 297 00:11:08,854 --> 00:11:10,187 Oh, and you're so cool, Shirley. 298 00:11:10,255 --> 00:11:11,856 Sometimes I am. 299 00:11:14,593 --> 00:11:16,060 How many times are they gonna do that? 300 00:11:16,128 --> 00:11:17,729 Aw, this is it, isn't it? 301 00:11:17,796 --> 00:11:19,130 We're becoming best friends. 302 00:11:19,197 --> 00:11:22,733 I think so. I think so. 303 00:11:31,976 --> 00:11:36,178 Oh, my God! One after the other! 304 00:11:36,246 --> 00:11:37,980 "I'm texting to tell you I'm not texting you any more. 305 00:11:38,048 --> 00:11:40,382 "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. 306 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,451 "Are you mad at me now? 307 00:11:42,519 --> 00:11:44,687 Fine. I guess you don't wanna know our two-year-old." 308 00:11:44,755 --> 00:11:46,088 Can we please just put it 309 00:11:46,156 --> 00:11:47,654 under a stack of mattresses or something? 310 00:11:47,655 --> 00:11:49,047 I don't know. When is she gonna take a hint? 311 00:11:49,082 --> 00:11:51,098 Britta's attracted to unavailable men. 312 00:11:51,139 --> 00:11:54,173 - Dean, why are you here? - Ouch. 313 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,170 Fine. Let's make him available. 314 00:11:57,199 --> 00:11:59,133 - What are you doing? - Ending this. 315 00:11:59,201 --> 00:12:02,170 "Leave me alone." No! 316 00:12:02,237 --> 00:12:05,139 That's so much worse. 317 00:12:05,207 --> 00:12:07,241 See? She stopped. 318 00:12:12,313 --> 00:12:13,714 She's calling him? 319 00:12:13,782 --> 00:12:15,148 She was born in the '80s. 320 00:12:15,216 --> 00:12:16,917 She still uses her phone as a phone. 321 00:12:16,985 --> 00:12:18,351 - Uh-oh. - That's fine, it's fine. 322 00:12:18,419 --> 00:12:21,455 - We just won't answer it. - Won't it go to your voicemail? 323 00:12:23,024 --> 00:12:26,225 Hello? Blade? 324 00:12:33,033 --> 00:12:34,033 There you go. 325 00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:35,434 I don't know! 326 00:12:35,502 --> 00:12:37,737 Change your settings so it doesn't go to voicemail. 327 00:12:37,805 --> 00:12:40,038 Too late. 328 00:12:40,106 --> 00:12:42,674 You guys act like a carnival. Be a carnival. 329 00:12:42,742 --> 00:12:44,676 Now! 330 00:12:44,744 --> 00:12:46,645 - Step right up! - Ding, ding, ding! 331 00:12:46,713 --> 00:12:48,113 Get your popcorn here. 332 00:12:48,180 --> 00:12:51,083 - Hello? - Busy, babe. 333 00:12:51,150 --> 00:12:52,818 Blade, just wait. Wait, Bla... 334 00:12:54,153 --> 00:12:57,221 I told you not to call me at work! 335 00:12:57,288 --> 00:12:59,657 "I'm sorry, I forgot. 336 00:12:59,725 --> 00:13:01,592 Don't be mad at me." 337 00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:03,694 She's whipped by an imaginary douche. 338 00:13:03,762 --> 00:13:06,530 Hey, don't knock it till you try it. 339 00:13:06,598 --> 00:13:08,565 I got my fake bachelor's degree, 340 00:13:08,634 --> 00:13:10,668 and then I cheated on the LSAT. 341 00:13:10,736 --> 00:13:12,669 You're probably wondering, how do you cheat on the LSAT? 342 00:13:12,703 --> 00:13:13,627 How? 343 00:13:13,650 --> 00:13:15,695 A magician never reveals his secrets, my friend. 344 00:13:15,792 --> 00:13:17,041 Ah. 345 00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:23,412 - Yeah! In your face! - Good job. 346 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,215 Uh, give me the big one! Yeah, that's the one. 347 00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:28,450 Yeah. 348 00:13:28,518 --> 00:13:29,852 Not too shabby, huh? 349 00:13:29,919 --> 00:13:31,987 Yeah, you really did it, baby. 350 00:13:32,055 --> 00:13:33,455 So you dropped out of high school 351 00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:35,024 and joined the carnival. 352 00:13:35,091 --> 00:13:36,625 And 15 years later, here you are. 353 00:13:36,693 --> 00:13:38,260 - Jeffrey! - Guess that's about it. 354 00:13:38,327 --> 00:13:39,828 So what's the record? 355 00:13:39,896 --> 00:13:41,396 What's the best anyone's ever done in this booth? 356 00:13:41,464 --> 00:13:44,132 - I guess eight ducks. - All right, one more round. 357 00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:45,299 One more round. 358 00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:47,201 - Jeff? - Honey? 359 00:13:47,269 --> 00:13:48,870 Will you excuse us just for a moment, please? 360 00:13:48,937 --> 00:13:50,071 Certainly. 361 00:13:50,139 --> 00:13:52,206 Can you get over here? 362 00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,744 - What is your end game here? - I don't know. 363 00:13:56,812 --> 00:13:58,412 - I wanna know. - Wanna know what? 364 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,380 I wanna know what drove Britta crazy about him. 365 00:14:00,447 --> 00:14:02,916 Are you jealous? Are you in love with Britta? 366 00:14:02,984 --> 00:14:04,217 No, I am not in love with Britta. 367 00:14:04,285 --> 00:14:05,752 And yes, I'm insanely jealous of him. 368 00:14:05,820 --> 00:14:07,220 What's his secret? 369 00:14:07,288 --> 00:14:09,122 Why do you wanna know the secret to making a woman psycho? 370 00:14:09,190 --> 00:14:10,957 Why do we wanna know how to blow up the earth 371 00:14:11,025 --> 00:14:12,926 or grow a human ear on a mouse? 372 00:14:12,994 --> 00:14:14,427 In case we have to, Shirley. 373 00:14:14,495 --> 00:14:15,761 In case we have to. 374 00:14:15,829 --> 00:14:18,731 - I'm going to find Pierce. - Good! 375 00:14:18,799 --> 00:14:21,400 One of those bears is mine! 376 00:14:21,467 --> 00:14:23,935 So this is best friendship. 377 00:14:24,003 --> 00:14:25,369 Something else, isn't it? 378 00:14:25,437 --> 00:14:26,771 How do we keep it going? 379 00:14:26,839 --> 00:14:28,106 How do we know we won't get into a fight? 380 00:14:28,174 --> 00:14:29,741 I say we just let it happen. 381 00:14:29,809 --> 00:14:32,043 Don't tell me what to do! 382 00:14:32,111 --> 00:14:33,378 - What's your problem? - What's yours? 383 00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,007 I'm outta here! 384 00:15:06,302 --> 00:15:09,337 Blade, 'sup? Message. 385 00:15:10,899 --> 00:15:12,826 Okay. We can stop worrying about voicemail now. 386 00:15:12,852 --> 00:15:14,353 Back to the matter at hand. 387 00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:15,887 Now what are you doing? 388 00:15:15,955 --> 00:15:18,255 - Dean, why are you here? - Yikes. 389 00:15:18,323 --> 00:15:20,424 I figured it out. I know exactly what to do. 390 00:15:20,492 --> 00:15:23,327 I'm just gonna be really, really, really mean to her. 391 00:15:23,395 --> 00:15:24,561 Uh. 392 00:15:24,629 --> 00:15:25,929 What don't you get about the concept? 393 00:15:25,998 --> 00:15:29,000 Britta likes guys who are mean to her. 394 00:15:29,067 --> 00:15:31,168 She doesn't like herself. 395 00:15:31,236 --> 00:15:34,170 Give me the phone. 396 00:15:39,043 --> 00:15:40,810 What did you say? 397 00:15:40,878 --> 00:15:42,045 Something nice. 398 00:15:42,113 --> 00:15:44,147 Don't worry about it. 399 00:15:44,215 --> 00:15:48,551 I'm deleting it from your phone. 400 00:15:48,619 --> 00:15:51,053 - Hi. - What's up? 401 00:15:51,121 --> 00:15:53,555 You guys still watching movies? 402 00:15:56,059 --> 00:15:57,226 Hi, Dean. Why are you here? 403 00:15:57,293 --> 00:15:59,628 Hi, Britta. And ouch. 404 00:15:59,695 --> 00:16:01,296 And you don't know anything about carpentry. 405 00:16:01,364 --> 00:16:02,697 - Nope. - Or aquariums— 406 00:16:02,765 --> 00:16:04,366 freshwater or saltwater. 407 00:16:04,434 --> 00:16:06,334 - Do you have a big weiner? - Nope. 408 00:16:06,402 --> 00:16:08,136 I don't get it, Blade! 409 00:16:08,203 --> 00:16:10,938 What's your secret? Why do I wanna impress you? 410 00:16:11,006 --> 00:16:15,076 Are you dumb or smart? Are you a loser or winner? 411 00:16:15,144 --> 00:16:16,710 Or are you just a human mirror? 412 00:16:16,778 --> 00:16:18,479 Do we all see what we wanna see in you? 413 00:16:18,547 --> 00:16:21,516 A magician never reveals, right? 414 00:16:22,983 --> 00:16:25,652 Right. 415 00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:28,455 Later. 416 00:16:28,523 --> 00:16:30,823 Okay. 417 00:16:30,891 --> 00:16:35,128 You dropped over 300 bucks on my booth, so I'll tell ya. 418 00:16:35,196 --> 00:16:36,696 You wanna know my secret? 419 00:16:36,764 --> 00:16:40,166 Yes. 420 00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:43,502 Yes, I do. 421 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:48,407 What are you doing? 422 00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:49,908 I wanna know. 423 00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:51,910 Okay, I'm sorry. 424 00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:54,612 I was texting with Blade, but it's over now. 425 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,550 He's... a loser. 426 00:17:00,576 --> 00:17:01,843 Good night. 427 00:17:01,926 --> 00:17:04,395 Uh, uh, uh... Troy! 428 00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:05,847 You should really join 429 00:17:05,890 --> 00:17:07,624 the air conditioning repair program. 430 00:17:07,653 --> 00:17:09,521 - No. - Well, that didn't work. 431 00:17:09,564 --> 00:17:10,920 That's what I get for improvising. 432 00:17:10,955 --> 00:17:13,890 Good night. 433 00:17:13,981 --> 00:17:14,935 So I don't get it. 434 00:17:14,936 --> 00:17:17,777 He's a vampire, but he can walk around during the day? 435 00:17:18,048 --> 00:17:22,084 - What... is wrong with you? - Huh? 436 00:17:22,152 --> 00:17:24,714 You weren't texting Blade, you were texting us. 437 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,644 I switched Blade's number in your phone to mine. 438 00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:29,349 - You tricked me? - You tricked me! 439 00:17:29,406 --> 00:17:31,920 You ask for my help, you tell me I'm your sister, 440 00:17:31,964 --> 00:17:35,252 I do everything I can to make you hate this turd, 441 00:17:35,253 --> 00:17:38,482 and the first nice thing he says, and you're over him? 442 00:17:38,688 --> 00:17:41,224 Who are you? 443 00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:42,624 And why didn't it stick? 444 00:17:42,691 --> 00:17:46,661 I was texting with you guys this whole time? 445 00:17:46,729 --> 00:17:50,332 So Blade... isn't a loser! 446 00:17:50,399 --> 00:17:51,799 Uh-oh. 447 00:17:51,867 --> 00:17:55,604 No, let her go. Lost cause, man. 448 00:17:55,671 --> 00:17:57,572 Jeff! What are you doing here? 449 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,206 I just got back from the carnival... 450 00:17:59,274 --> 00:18:00,341 Where I met Blade. 451 00:18:00,408 --> 00:18:01,475 Is he okay? How is he? 452 00:18:01,543 --> 00:18:02,549 He's brain damaged. 453 00:18:02,608 --> 00:18:04,483 - Well, let's not be petty. - No, I'm serious. 454 00:18:04,534 --> 00:18:05,768 He showed me the scar. 455 00:18:05,892 --> 00:18:07,993 Ten years ago, before he even met you, 456 00:18:08,232 --> 00:18:10,294 a loose bolt flew off a Ferris wheel 457 00:18:10,309 --> 00:18:11,964 and imbedded in his skull, 458 00:18:12,046 --> 00:18:16,883 destroying the part of his brain that feels shame. 459 00:18:17,224 --> 00:18:20,660 He's basically irresistible to people for the same reason 460 00:18:20,727 --> 00:18:24,096 he can pretty much only work at a carnival. 461 00:18:24,165 --> 00:18:26,432 He has nothing to prove or disprove 462 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:29,135 about himself or to himself. 463 00:18:29,203 --> 00:18:30,469 He has no shame. 464 00:18:30,537 --> 00:18:32,171 Why wouldn't he have told me that? 465 00:18:32,238 --> 00:18:33,938 Because he didn't care if you knew. 466 00:18:34,006 --> 00:18:36,241 That is so like him. 467 00:18:36,309 --> 00:18:38,910 - I have to go to him. - No, woman. 468 00:18:38,978 --> 00:18:42,113 None of us have to "go to" anyone. 469 00:18:42,182 --> 00:18:43,649 And the idea we do is a mental illness 470 00:18:43,716 --> 00:18:45,717 we contracted from breath mint commercials 471 00:18:45,785 --> 00:18:47,084 and Sandra Bullock. 472 00:18:47,152 --> 00:18:48,886 We can't keep going to each other 473 00:18:48,953 --> 00:18:53,123 until we learn to go to ourselves. 474 00:18:53,192 --> 00:18:56,794 Stop making our hatred of ourselves someone else's job 475 00:18:56,861 --> 00:18:59,664 and just stop hating ourselves. 476 00:19:07,638 --> 00:19:10,073 Annie, I want you to take my phone. 477 00:19:10,140 --> 00:19:11,874 Do not let me call Chang. 478 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:15,712 I'm locking myself in your room. 479 00:19:16,814 --> 00:19:18,347 What are you guys doing out here? 480 00:19:18,415 --> 00:19:19,881 Self-actualizing. 481 00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:21,250 Well, it's loud. 482 00:19:21,318 --> 00:19:23,652 Come watch Blade. 483 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,355 Okay. 484 00:19:58,953 --> 00:20:00,854 This movie is fantastic. 485 00:20:01,961 --> 00:20:07,094 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com. Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 486 00:20:07,734 --> 00:20:09,414 Y'all ever notice that cold spot in the hallway? 487 00:20:09,446 --> 00:20:10,090 Oh, yeah! 488 00:20:10,158 --> 00:20:12,259 That thing is freezing! 489 00:20:12,326 --> 00:20:14,426 You know what could learn a lesson from that cold spot? 490 00:20:14,494 --> 00:20:17,663 The air conditioning unit in my living room. 491 00:20:17,942 --> 00:20:19,684 Ladies and gentlemen, 492 00:20:19,796 --> 00:20:21,070 so yesterday, typical Sunday. 493 00:20:21,101 --> 00:20:22,452 I was hanging out in my dreamatorium. 494 00:20:22,532 --> 00:20:23,663 Whoo! 495 00:20:23,737 --> 00:20:25,014 This ever happen to you guys? 496 00:20:25,106 --> 00:20:27,242 I couldn't remember where I imagined the door. 497 00:20:28,067 --> 00:20:32,221 Then I realized I was in an actual bathroom. 498 00:20:33,780 --> 00:20:35,795 Uh, no offense, but this material 499 00:20:35,796 --> 00:20:37,835 seems pretty specific to your apartment. 500 00:20:37,892 --> 00:20:40,060 I don't think it'll work at an open mic. 501 00:20:45,190 --> 00:20:46,323 Y'all ever notice the difference 502 00:20:46,391 --> 00:20:48,592 between me and Troy brushing our teeth? 503 00:20:49,113 --> 00:20:52,148 I brush my teeth like this. 504 00:20:52,247 --> 00:20:55,115 Troy brushes his teeth like this. 505 00:20:55,967 --> 00:20:57,034 I do! 506 00:20:57,102 --> 00:20:59,236 I do! I brush my teeth just like that. 507 00:20:59,304 --> 00:21:00,950 Now you know what I'm gonna talk about next. 508 00:21:01,070 --> 00:21:02,563 Toaster oven! 509 00:21:02,683 --> 00:21:04,129 It's from his album.