1 00:00:06,027 --> 00:00:07,294 We are so screwed. 2 00:00:07,295 --> 00:00:08,462 How are we gonna memorize all this? 3 00:00:08,463 --> 00:00:09,696 Let's just go over it again. 4 00:00:09,697 --> 00:00:11,764 Kingdom, phylum, class... 5 00:00:11,765 --> 00:00:14,682 Order, family, genus, species. 6 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:17,181 I use a mnemonic device. 7 00:00:17,338 --> 00:00:21,174 "Kevin, please come over for gay sex." 8 00:00:21,175 --> 00:00:23,676 Why wouldn't you use "Karen"? 9 00:00:23,677 --> 00:00:25,245 'Cause it's gay sex, dummy. 10 00:00:25,246 --> 00:00:26,812 So use "great". 11 00:00:26,813 --> 00:00:28,780 Now I can't remember anything. Thanks! 12 00:00:28,781 --> 00:00:30,575 God, why do we always wind up in this position? 13 00:00:30,606 --> 00:00:32,356 For all the time you spend here, you'd think we wouldn't 14 00:00:32,385 --> 00:00:33,566 have to cram so much. 15 00:00:33,586 --> 00:00:35,067 Maybe we never get any work done because we have 16 00:00:35,087 --> 00:00:36,569 so much fun hanging out together. 17 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:39,506 Definitely, maybe that's why. 18 00:00:40,361 --> 00:00:45,696 Ah, the duali-Dean of man. 19 00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:48,332 I'm dressed this way because I have good news and bad news. 20 00:00:48,333 --> 00:00:50,334 You have got to be kidding me. 21 00:00:50,335 --> 00:00:53,304 The bad news is Professor Kane has the flu. 22 00:00:53,305 --> 00:00:55,806 The good news is biology class is canceled... 23 00:00:57,676 --> 00:00:58,742 After you. 24 00:00:58,743 --> 00:01:01,511 What a gentleman. 25 00:01:01,512 --> 00:01:04,181 Guys, we don't have to cram last minute anymore. 26 00:01:04,182 --> 00:01:06,216 Last minute got moved to tomorrow. 27 00:01:06,217 --> 00:01:08,218 Three-hour lunch? Three-hour lunch? Three-hour lunch? 28 00:01:08,219 --> 00:01:09,452 Three hours? 29 00:01:09,453 --> 00:01:11,188 I could watch the first half of three movies. 30 00:01:11,189 --> 00:01:12,522 Ooh, I don't have to go to the fast food 31 00:01:12,523 --> 00:01:13,657 restaurant across the street. 32 00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:15,058 I can go to the fancy one across town. 33 00:01:15,059 --> 00:01:16,292 Their manager wears a tie. 34 00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:17,726 If we don't eat, we can make-believe 35 00:01:17,727 --> 00:01:19,195 an whole episode's worth of Inspector Spacetime 36 00:01:19,196 --> 00:01:20,596 - in the Dreamatorium. - Word. 37 00:01:20,597 --> 00:01:22,431 Yeah. 38 00:01:22,432 --> 00:01:24,500 Maybe we should go to Se単or Kevin's. 39 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,502 Britta, didn't you want to try that new cage-free bean burrito? 40 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,904 The tortillas are made with micro-financed flour. 41 00:01:28,905 --> 00:01:30,439 Troy, you could drive. 42 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,340 You always like that spiral parking ramp. 43 00:01:32,341 --> 00:01:34,409 You just keep turning left, but you end up up! 44 00:01:34,410 --> 00:01:36,544 I can't go to Se単or Kevin's. The manager and I are enemies. 45 00:01:36,545 --> 00:01:37,878 He said Die Hard was bad. 46 00:01:37,879 --> 00:01:39,247 - He said Die Hard was bad. - I know, buddy. 47 00:01:39,248 --> 00:01:40,781 Well, how about this. 48 00:01:40,782 --> 00:01:44,051 This lunch is already a runaway train, no point in stopping it. 49 00:01:44,052 --> 00:01:46,321 Troy, Britta, you go to Se単or Kevin's. 50 00:01:46,322 --> 00:01:48,188 Abed promised he'd show me how the Dreamatorium works. 51 00:01:48,189 --> 00:01:50,090 - Today's the perfect day for it. - But I want to... 52 00:01:50,091 --> 00:01:51,692 Abed, don't you think today's 53 00:01:51,693 --> 00:01:53,227 - the perfect day for it? - No. 54 00:01:53,228 --> 00:01:55,696 - Abed. - Is this a social cue? 55 00:01:55,697 --> 00:01:59,904 I left my Puttin' On the Ritz cane in here earlier. 56 00:02:00,868 --> 00:02:02,502 I know it probably has another name, 57 00:02:02,503 --> 00:02:05,771 but, um, can I be perfectly honest with you guys? 58 00:02:05,772 --> 00:02:07,673 I think I went too far with this one. 59 00:02:07,674 --> 00:02:11,944 I have to go to the bank today. 60 00:02:11,945 --> 00:02:13,646 What am I supposed to tell people in line? 61 00:02:13,647 --> 00:02:16,482 "I had good news and bad news"? 62 00:02:16,483 --> 00:02:18,451 Come on, Craig. 63 00:02:18,452 --> 00:02:20,719 Get you life together. 64 00:02:48,164 --> 00:02:51,666 Sync & Corrections by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 65 00:02:53,317 --> 00:02:55,551 I am Inspector Spacetime. 66 00:02:55,552 --> 00:02:57,620 And I know that which is unknown. 67 00:02:57,621 --> 00:03:01,524 Duty-bound to protect a universe of innocent unremarkables, 68 00:03:01,525 --> 00:03:04,059 I patrol it in the x7 Dimensionizer 69 00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:06,529 with my loyal constable, Reggie. 70 00:03:06,530 --> 00:03:09,631 This week, however, Reggie has been forced to go to lunch. 71 00:03:09,632 --> 00:03:12,934 So I'm aboard the much crappier H.M.S. Spacetime 12, 72 00:03:12,935 --> 00:03:17,339 from the worst season ever, with temporary constable, Geneva. 73 00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:20,442 Geneva, I need the quantum spanner, the big one. 74 00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:24,378 Oi, gov'ner, quantum spammer, up an' at 'em, in'it? 75 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,215 If we can't get out of orbital lock, 76 00:03:28,216 --> 00:03:29,850 the Blorgons may intercept. 77 00:03:29,851 --> 00:03:31,319 Tut tut, m'lord. 78 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:35,222 Wouldn't give a tuppence for that sticky wicket. 79 00:03:35,223 --> 00:03:37,057 Okay, stop simulation. 80 00:03:37,058 --> 00:03:38,225 More British? 81 00:03:38,226 --> 00:03:39,992 I can't do this anymore. 82 00:03:39,993 --> 00:03:42,161 But the Blo-gons might intercept... 83 00:03:42,162 --> 00:03:43,596 It's Blorgons with an "r". 84 00:03:43,597 --> 00:03:44,997 Blo-gon means "thank you" in blorgon. 85 00:03:44,998 --> 00:03:46,866 Can't we play something I know about 86 00:03:46,867 --> 00:03:49,510 like hospital administration? 87 00:03:51,305 --> 00:03:54,941 You're mad at me for playing matchmaker with Troy and Britta. 88 00:03:54,942 --> 00:03:56,542 You think you're gonna lose Troy. 89 00:03:56,543 --> 00:03:57,462 I'm not petty, Annie. 90 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:58,546 I'm mad at you because you tampered 91 00:03:58,578 --> 00:03:59,728 with the fabric of the group. 92 00:03:59,752 --> 00:04:01,055 How do you know Troy and Britta pairing up 93 00:04:01,056 --> 00:04:02,127 wouldn't destroy everything? 94 00:04:02,148 --> 00:04:03,084 I run the scenarios. 95 00:04:03,085 --> 00:04:04,649 I examine this stuff from every conceivable angle. 96 00:04:04,684 --> 00:04:06,918 Oh, and you can do that but I can't? 97 00:04:06,919 --> 00:04:09,355 You don't have a patent on being a control freak, Abed. 98 00:04:09,356 --> 00:04:10,389 I kind of do. 99 00:04:10,390 --> 00:04:12,490 You think this is just a room where Troy and I play dinosaurs 100 00:04:12,491 --> 00:04:13,858 versus river boat gamblers together? 101 00:04:13,859 --> 00:04:15,460 Sure, it's how I got the construction approved, 102 00:04:15,461 --> 00:04:16,794 but, much like myself, 103 00:04:16,795 --> 00:04:18,896 the Dreamatorium has higher functions. 104 00:04:18,897 --> 00:04:20,551 Would you like me to show you how your stunt 105 00:04:20,576 --> 00:04:22,020 with Troy and Britta will play itself out? 106 00:04:22,065 --> 00:04:23,301 Why not? 107 00:04:23,469 --> 00:04:25,336 Execute simulation Troy/Britta. 108 00:04:25,337 --> 00:04:29,105 Render environment Se単or Kevin's. 109 00:04:29,106 --> 00:04:30,607 Oh, those appetizers 110 00:04:30,608 --> 00:04:33,477 were dope and legit! 111 00:04:33,478 --> 00:04:34,811 I don't usually support lunch 112 00:04:34,812 --> 00:04:37,581 because it's unfair to breakfast. 113 00:04:37,582 --> 00:04:38,582 I never thought about 114 00:04:38,583 --> 00:04:41,651 meals fighting each other. 115 00:04:41,652 --> 00:04:43,086 I guess that explains why you never 116 00:04:43,087 --> 00:04:45,354 see any two of them on the same table. 117 00:04:45,355 --> 00:04:47,390 So I guess Annie's pretty hot to get us together. 118 00:04:47,391 --> 00:04:50,359 She probably just doesn't understand people. 119 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:51,794 Well, the sooner the food comes, 120 00:04:51,795 --> 00:04:53,962 the sooner this will be over. 121 00:04:53,963 --> 00:04:57,633 I'm afraid your food won't be ready for another half hour. 122 00:04:57,634 --> 00:05:01,302 I'm too busy misunderstanding the whole point of Die Hard. 123 00:05:01,303 --> 00:05:04,338 I can't wait to get home to Abed. 124 00:05:04,339 --> 00:05:06,541 So you can dart back and forth 125 00:05:06,542 --> 00:05:08,042 doing impressions of your friends. 126 00:05:08,043 --> 00:05:09,911 There's no science at work here. 127 00:05:09,912 --> 00:05:13,247 You're right. 128 00:05:13,248 --> 00:05:16,182 The science is at work in here. 129 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:21,187 This is the Dreamatorium's engine. 130 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,589 My thoughts are collected by this box 131 00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:24,892 and everything I know about my friends is stored here. 132 00:05:24,893 --> 00:05:26,259 Both are distilled by logic and then 133 00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:28,061 recombined into objective observation. 134 00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:29,730 I'm able to simulate any of the study group 135 00:05:29,731 --> 00:05:32,932 and even a half-accurate Chang in over 7,000 unique situations. 136 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:36,214 Abed, it's cardboard tubes and a funnel. 137 00:05:36,239 --> 00:05:37,754 Well you see it that way because it's calibrated 138 00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:39,639 to a specific level of brain function. 139 00:05:39,895 --> 00:05:41,508 Right. I'm stupid. 140 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,843 Not stupid, just less able to see what I see. 141 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,913 Gee, you've got it all figured out. 142 00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:52,016 King of toilet paper rolls over here. 143 00:05:52,017 --> 00:05:55,787 Hey, Troy, I'm glad you called. 144 00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:56,922 Your lunch is going well, right? 145 00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,657 Yeah, just checking on Abed. 146 00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:00,559 Making sure he's okay. 147 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,994 What? He's fine. 148 00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:04,895 He just implied I operate on a lower level 149 00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:07,631 of brain function, so business as usual. 150 00:06:07,632 --> 00:06:11,134 Great, um, just, you know, make sure he stays comfortable. 151 00:06:11,135 --> 00:06:12,736 I worry about him when I'm not around. 152 00:06:12,737 --> 00:06:16,874 Well, he's fine, he always will be. 153 00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:18,843 People bend over backwards to cater to him. 154 00:06:18,844 --> 00:06:21,544 He's just extra sensitive in the Dreamatorium. 155 00:06:21,545 --> 00:06:23,613 It takes a lot out of him to run that thing. 156 00:06:23,614 --> 00:06:25,114 I don't want you to break his brain. 157 00:06:25,115 --> 00:06:26,415 Bye, Troy. 158 00:06:26,416 --> 00:06:29,486 - How is he? - He'll be okay. 159 00:06:29,487 --> 00:06:31,120 It's so sweet how much you care about him. 160 00:06:31,121 --> 00:06:34,290 And another thing I hate about Die Hard, 161 00:06:34,291 --> 00:06:37,225 two FBI agents named Johnson. 162 00:06:38,995 --> 00:06:41,630 I've been thinking about our Inspector Spacetime scenario. 163 00:06:41,631 --> 00:06:43,732 It might work better if instead of playing Geneva, 164 00:06:43,733 --> 00:06:44,967 you played Rosamund. 165 00:06:44,968 --> 00:06:46,301 She was a constable in season five 166 00:06:46,302 --> 00:06:48,470 and she only had three lines. 167 00:06:48,471 --> 00:06:50,071 I have a better idea. 168 00:06:50,072 --> 00:06:52,439 You know what would make your scenarios a lot more realistic? 169 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:53,608 If Troy weren't on a date. 170 00:06:53,609 --> 00:06:54,909 Why don't you take all your thoughts 171 00:06:54,910 --> 00:06:58,245 and your logic and add one step to the process. 172 00:06:58,246 --> 00:06:59,780 - What are you doing? - From now on, 173 00:06:59,781 --> 00:07:01,682 before you do or say anything, 174 00:07:01,683 --> 00:07:04,585 you're gonna think about how it affects the people around you. 175 00:07:04,586 --> 00:07:07,121 We lower functioning brains call this "empathy". 176 00:07:10,658 --> 00:07:14,060 Abed? 177 00:07:14,061 --> 00:07:17,664 Abed? 178 00:07:17,665 --> 00:07:19,533 Oh, my God, I broke Abed. 179 00:07:22,906 --> 00:07:24,512 Abed? 180 00:07:24,557 --> 00:07:25,987 You know how you wanted me to tell you 181 00:07:25,999 --> 00:07:28,564 when you were being scary weird instead of cute weird? 182 00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:31,558 This is scary weird. 183 00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:36,362 Hello, Annie. 184 00:07:36,363 --> 00:07:38,565 What was I doing on the floor? 185 00:07:38,566 --> 00:07:40,900 Were we... doing it? 186 00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:43,135 Are you being Jeff? 187 00:07:43,136 --> 00:07:46,404 Well, I'm not being a Kardashian. 188 00:07:46,405 --> 00:07:47,573 So where are we now? 189 00:07:47,574 --> 00:07:50,776 We're in the doctor's lounge of Greendale Hospital School. 190 00:07:50,777 --> 00:07:51,844 Hospital school? 191 00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:53,479 It's a sexy emotional school 192 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,280 where doctors save lives and make love, 193 00:07:55,281 --> 00:07:56,515 often simultaneously. 194 00:07:56,516 --> 00:07:58,917 Our stories, ripped from the headlines. 195 00:07:58,918 --> 00:08:00,751 Our passions, unbridled. 196 00:08:00,752 --> 00:08:03,821 Our cafeteria, eh... 197 00:08:03,822 --> 00:08:05,189 Make love to me, Ann. 198 00:08:05,190 --> 00:08:06,457 I know I'm just a surgeon 199 00:08:06,458 --> 00:08:08,325 and you're a hotshot upstart administrator, 200 00:08:08,326 --> 00:08:09,894 but damn the rules, damn the system, 201 00:08:09,895 --> 00:08:12,597 damn our two foot height disparity, I want you. 202 00:08:12,598 --> 00:08:16,033 Okay, Abed, I get it, we have different sensibilities. 203 00:08:16,034 --> 00:08:17,968 Later. 204 00:08:20,838 --> 00:08:22,405 Bye. 205 00:08:22,406 --> 00:08:24,340 I'm leaving. 206 00:08:33,282 --> 00:08:36,084 Okay, Dr. Jeff, 207 00:08:36,085 --> 00:08:38,621 can you please tell me where I can find Abed? 208 00:08:38,622 --> 00:08:39,722 I owe him an apology. 209 00:08:39,723 --> 00:08:42,157 Abed? Never heard of him. 210 00:08:42,158 --> 00:08:46,294 Terrific. 211 00:08:46,295 --> 00:08:48,630 I asked you a question, doctor. 212 00:08:48,631 --> 00:08:49,597 I'm a surgeon! 213 00:08:49,598 --> 00:08:51,198 And I'm your administrator! 214 00:08:51,199 --> 00:08:53,100 I left my wife for you and she was pregnant! 215 00:08:53,101 --> 00:08:55,336 Who do you think inseminated her? 216 00:08:55,337 --> 00:08:57,839 Now tell me what I want to know or God as my witness, 217 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,173 I'll have your stethoscope. 218 00:08:59,174 --> 00:09:00,708 Fine. 219 00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:03,244 Dr. Perry might know. 220 00:09:03,245 --> 00:09:06,179 Render environment bio lab. 221 00:09:07,882 --> 00:09:10,717 Look, there's Britta and Troy fooling around with each other. 222 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:13,820 Look, there's Abed having overcome his issues. 223 00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,188 Nice try. 224 00:09:15,189 --> 00:09:18,491 Dr. Barnes, Dr. Perry. 225 00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:21,561 We just saved an uninsured homeless man's life. 226 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:23,930 Using an unapproved procedure. 227 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:26,866 Now, we're going to kiss. 228 00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:34,206 This is what you think I want? 229 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,741 What do you want, administrator? 230 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,309 I want to talk to Abed. 231 00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:39,744 There's no one here by that name. 232 00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,947 - You're lying. - Maybe I am, so what? 233 00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:43,982 I was raised on the mean streets of Harlem. 234 00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,183 I'm not scared of you. 235 00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:48,119 Well, be scared of this. 236 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:54,524 Sodium pentothal, known commonly as truth serum. 237 00:09:56,160 --> 00:10:00,030 I saw Abed's name in the hospital school files, 238 00:10:00,031 --> 00:10:02,265 I love butt stuff, I hate spiders, 239 00:10:02,266 --> 00:10:04,334 I stole a pen from the bank, 240 00:10:04,335 --> 00:10:07,037 I cried during About a Boy... The soundtrack... 241 00:10:07,038 --> 00:10:09,606 I don't wash my hands before surgery. 242 00:10:09,607 --> 00:10:12,108 I can see why women find Clive Owen attractive to the point 243 00:10:12,109 --> 00:10:14,210 where I might just as well be attracted to him. 244 00:10:14,211 --> 00:10:17,013 I use comparisons to Hitler to win arguments on the Internet 245 00:10:17,014 --> 00:10:18,314 at the drop of a hat. 246 00:10:18,315 --> 00:10:20,083 I know nothing about wine. 247 00:10:20,084 --> 00:10:22,551 I'm more turned on by women in pajamas than lingerie. 248 00:10:22,552 --> 00:10:24,420 I just want to know they feel comfortable. 249 00:10:24,421 --> 00:10:28,156 I didn't get Inception. 250 00:10:28,157 --> 00:10:31,860 I didn't get Inception. 251 00:10:33,963 --> 00:10:35,530 You said you saw his name in the files. 252 00:10:35,531 --> 00:10:37,365 There's so many layers. 253 00:10:37,366 --> 00:10:41,301 Right, render environment medical study room. 254 00:10:41,302 --> 00:10:42,603 There's head nurse, Shirley, 255 00:10:42,604 --> 00:10:44,639 talking to tragic, heart-wrenching Alzheimer's 256 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,074 patient and Emmy-contender, Pierce Hawthorne. 257 00:10:47,075 --> 00:10:51,078 Mr. Hawthorne, you're out of your bed again. 258 00:10:51,079 --> 00:10:52,546 'Cause I think I'm on a train. 259 00:10:52,547 --> 00:10:54,281 Oh! Oh! 260 00:10:54,282 --> 00:10:56,517 Shirley, get me the file on Abed. 261 00:10:56,518 --> 00:10:58,217 Abed doesn't exist, young lady. 262 00:10:58,218 --> 00:10:59,653 He exists if I say so. 263 00:10:59,654 --> 00:11:00,987 This is my hospital school. 264 00:11:00,988 --> 00:11:02,989 Your hospital school, young lady, is a simulation 265 00:11:02,990 --> 00:11:04,991 being run through a filter of other people's needs. 266 00:11:04,992 --> 00:11:08,828 Abed's been filtered out because nobody needs him. 267 00:11:08,829 --> 00:11:09,829 I need him. 268 00:11:09,830 --> 00:11:10,964 Well you're not simulated. 269 00:11:10,965 --> 00:11:12,265 No, but this is! 270 00:11:13,332 --> 00:11:14,733 Ooh! 271 00:11:14,734 --> 00:11:16,135 And there's more where that didn't come from. 272 00:11:16,136 --> 00:11:17,936 This is a private compartment. 273 00:11:17,937 --> 00:11:20,105 - Jeff, get the files. - Why me? 274 00:11:20,106 --> 00:11:22,941 Because you can see the cabinets. 275 00:11:22,942 --> 00:11:24,143 And I'll make love to you. 276 00:11:24,144 --> 00:11:26,178 Jackpot. 277 00:11:29,214 --> 00:11:31,615 There is an Abed in this hospital school, 278 00:11:31,616 --> 00:11:34,852 but he's not a doctor. 279 00:11:34,853 --> 00:11:36,420 He's a patient. 280 00:11:36,421 --> 00:11:38,522 - Notify security! - Conductor! 281 00:11:38,523 --> 00:11:39,857 Jeff, take me to Abed. 282 00:11:39,858 --> 00:11:41,092 Where is that? 283 00:11:41,093 --> 00:11:43,861 Enough games, just take me where I wanna go. 284 00:11:43,862 --> 00:11:45,451 Follow me. 285 00:11:46,824 --> 00:11:47,698 Are we close? 286 00:11:47,699 --> 00:11:50,100 Almost there, although you should probably run in place 287 00:11:50,101 --> 00:11:53,036 and let the hall move around you. 288 00:11:58,275 --> 00:12:00,643 - Here we are. - Where? 289 00:12:00,644 --> 00:12:02,444 Where you wanted to go. 290 00:12:02,445 --> 00:12:05,581 The last night of school, first year. 291 00:12:05,582 --> 00:12:07,416 The night we kissed. 292 00:12:07,417 --> 00:12:10,886 Ababed wasn't there, so whose memory is this? 293 00:12:10,887 --> 00:12:12,188 Maybe it's yours. 294 00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:14,590 Maybe the Dreamatorium really works. 295 00:12:14,591 --> 00:12:16,725 Or maybe Leonard was watching from the bushes 296 00:12:16,726 --> 00:12:18,459 and told Abed about it. 297 00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:20,929 I don't have cable. 298 00:12:20,930 --> 00:12:22,663 Knock it off, Abed. 299 00:12:22,664 --> 00:12:23,732 I'm not Abed. 300 00:12:23,733 --> 00:12:26,367 You're confused, so was I. 301 00:12:26,368 --> 00:12:27,869 But not anymore. 302 00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:30,504 Jeff... Abed, stop! 303 00:12:30,505 --> 00:12:31,706 I don't wanna do this. 304 00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:34,875 I want to talk to Abed. 305 00:12:34,876 --> 00:12:38,912 I'm taking the file. 306 00:12:38,913 --> 00:12:42,549 Oh, it says Abed is in the recovery parlor. 307 00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:45,219 Condition... never better. 308 00:12:45,220 --> 00:12:48,455 You're not holding anything. 309 00:12:48,456 --> 00:12:51,423 This is the file. 310 00:12:51,424 --> 00:12:54,961 Abed Nadir, psychiatric patient 1373, 311 00:12:54,962 --> 00:12:57,063 control freak with no empathy. 312 00:12:57,064 --> 00:13:00,699 People bend over backwards to cater to him. 313 00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:05,170 Signed, healthcare administrator Annie Edison. 314 00:13:05,171 --> 00:13:07,405 That's out of context. 315 00:13:07,406 --> 00:13:08,573 Shh. 316 00:13:08,574 --> 00:13:10,575 You've thought of everything, Annie. 317 00:13:10,576 --> 00:13:13,211 With Abed gone and Troy and Britta together, 318 00:13:13,212 --> 00:13:15,113 there's nothing standing in the way of us. 319 00:13:15,114 --> 00:13:16,314 Wait, what? 320 00:13:16,315 --> 00:13:17,582 Come on. 321 00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:18,650 This is you dream. 322 00:13:18,651 --> 00:13:21,585 This is why you played matchmaker. 323 00:13:21,586 --> 00:13:24,221 This is what's important to you. 324 00:13:24,222 --> 00:13:26,690 You are not Jeff. 325 00:13:26,691 --> 00:13:29,693 Because Jeff cares about Abed. 326 00:13:29,694 --> 00:13:31,328 And I did not push Troy and Britta together 327 00:13:31,329 --> 00:13:32,596 so this would happen. 328 00:13:32,597 --> 00:13:34,265 I did it because I thought they were cute together 329 00:13:34,266 --> 00:13:36,267 and this would have been a bonus. 330 00:13:36,268 --> 00:13:38,168 And we are not here. 331 00:13:38,169 --> 00:13:41,570 And I'm not staying here because I hate whoever you are. 332 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,572 You should probably storm off in... 333 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:44,974 Oh! 334 00:13:45,643 --> 00:13:47,578 In place. 335 00:13:56,258 --> 00:13:57,425 Where do you wanna go next? 336 00:13:57,857 --> 00:13:59,672 I wanna be alone. 337 00:13:59,728 --> 00:14:01,562 Sounds good to me. 338 00:14:01,563 --> 00:14:04,498 Execute simulation, Annie/Annie. 339 00:14:07,406 --> 00:14:08,432 There. 340 00:14:08,545 --> 00:14:09,912 Now we're alone. 341 00:14:10,543 --> 00:14:12,517 Great, so you're me now. 342 00:14:12,663 --> 00:14:14,907 Why are you blowing our magic moment with Jeff? 343 00:14:14,927 --> 00:14:16,060 It's not magic. 344 00:14:16,074 --> 00:14:17,207 It's not even real. 345 00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:19,835 But we love Jeff. 346 00:14:19,836 --> 00:14:22,571 No, we don't. 347 00:14:22,572 --> 00:14:25,740 We're just in love with the idea of being loved. 348 00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:27,555 And if we can teach a guy like Jeff to do it, 349 00:14:27,585 --> 00:14:28,879 we'll never be unloved. 350 00:14:28,918 --> 00:14:32,348 So we keep running the same scenario over and over 351 00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:33,692 hoping for a different result. 352 00:14:33,735 --> 00:14:35,435 Running scenarios. 353 00:14:35,510 --> 00:14:36,778 Careful now. 354 00:14:36,886 --> 00:14:39,636 You're starting to sound like Abed. 355 00:14:40,067 --> 00:14:43,836 So... I probably shouldn't say things like "Star Wars. 356 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:46,426 Zardoz, Cougar Town, cool, cool, cool." 357 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,062 - Stop it. - Pop culture, pop culture. 358 00:14:48,063 --> 00:14:51,065 - I'm on a TV show. - You're gonna get in trouble. 359 00:14:51,066 --> 00:14:52,833 Meta, meta. 360 00:14:52,834 --> 00:14:54,034 It's Abed! 361 00:14:54,035 --> 00:14:55,602 I got an Abed here! 362 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,836 Get him! 363 00:14:56,837 --> 00:14:57,837 That's it. 364 00:14:57,838 --> 00:14:59,438 I find you guilty of being Abed. 365 00:14:59,439 --> 00:15:00,873 You're under arrest! 366 00:15:00,874 --> 00:15:02,141 Can I just interject and say 367 00:15:02,142 --> 00:15:05,078 I don't know what the hell's going on? 368 00:15:11,151 --> 00:15:13,919 This time you'll never get out. 369 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:15,854 Abed? 370 00:15:18,591 --> 00:15:19,591 Abed. 371 00:15:19,592 --> 00:15:20,826 Yeah. 372 00:15:20,827 --> 00:15:22,460 I found you by turning into you, how cool is that? 373 00:15:22,461 --> 00:15:24,062 Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 374 00:15:24,063 --> 00:15:25,663 Tell me where we are so I can pretend to see it. 375 00:15:25,664 --> 00:15:27,332 We're inside a locker. 376 00:15:27,333 --> 00:15:30,267 It's where I spent a lot of time in junior high. 377 00:15:30,268 --> 00:15:31,802 You think this is where we'd put you? 378 00:15:31,803 --> 00:15:34,571 - You know that's absurd, right? - Well, I'm not stupid. 379 00:15:34,572 --> 00:15:36,741 You can see I've increased the square footage. 380 00:15:36,742 --> 00:15:38,408 It's a metaphorical locker. 381 00:15:38,409 --> 00:15:39,676 It's a place where people like me get put 382 00:15:39,677 --> 00:15:41,011 when everyone's finally fed up with us. 383 00:15:41,012 --> 00:15:44,147 Abed, so maudlin. 384 00:15:44,148 --> 00:15:45,917 If you start turning into a vampire... 385 00:15:45,943 --> 00:15:47,109 I've run the simulations, Annie. 386 00:15:47,148 --> 00:15:48,232 I don't get married, I don't invent 387 00:15:48,244 --> 00:15:49,993 a billion dollar website that helps people have sex. 388 00:15:50,029 --> 00:15:52,263 I don't make in into Sundance, Slamdance or Dance Pants. 389 00:15:52,389 --> 00:15:54,323 Troy invents Dance Pants in 2019. 390 00:15:54,324 --> 00:15:55,825 Don't tell him, he needs to stumble onto it. 391 00:15:55,826 --> 00:15:57,026 All right, listen. 392 00:15:57,027 --> 00:15:58,594 The scenarios you run in here 393 00:15:58,595 --> 00:16:01,997 are like... great science fiction. 394 00:16:01,998 --> 00:16:05,634 They're impressive and detailed and insightful, 395 00:16:05,635 --> 00:16:07,803 but they're not accurate for crap. 396 00:16:07,804 --> 00:16:09,604 Science fiction never has been. 397 00:16:09,605 --> 00:16:11,106 Look at 2001. 398 00:16:11,107 --> 00:16:12,908 Did we have a space odyssey? 399 00:16:12,909 --> 00:16:15,244 No, we got snowboarding in the Olympics 400 00:16:15,245 --> 00:16:16,878 and we over-validated Carson Daily. 401 00:16:16,879 --> 00:16:19,247 - That poor guy. - Yeah, cry me a river. 402 00:16:19,248 --> 00:16:20,815 My point is, your simulations 403 00:16:20,816 --> 00:16:22,716 are nothing more than anxieties. 404 00:16:22,717 --> 00:16:24,185 You're afraid you don't fit in. 405 00:16:24,186 --> 00:16:25,787 You're afraid you'll be alone. 406 00:16:25,788 --> 00:16:28,656 Great news... you share that with all of us, 407 00:16:28,657 --> 00:16:32,192 so you'll never be alone and you'll always fit in. 408 00:16:32,193 --> 00:16:35,262 And, yes, that's why I meddled with Troy and Britta. 409 00:16:35,263 --> 00:16:36,263 You caught me. 410 00:16:36,264 --> 00:16:37,697 I was trying to make life go 411 00:16:37,698 --> 00:16:39,065 according to some script. 412 00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:40,600 I can't. 413 00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:42,602 You can't. 414 00:16:42,603 --> 00:16:45,872 We both need to get more comfortable winging it. 415 00:16:45,873 --> 00:16:47,340 At least it'll be less work. 416 00:16:47,341 --> 00:16:48,774 It would cut down my Dreamatorium time 417 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,176 by 18 hours a week. 418 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,177 I could take up yoga. 419 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:53,078 You've got the body type. 420 00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:54,914 Now let's get you out of here. 421 00:16:54,915 --> 00:16:56,148 I don't know how. 422 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,883 These fake shackles don't have a fake key. 423 00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:00,886 Isn't that what a... quantum spanner's for? 424 00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,422 Technically, no. 425 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:06,524 But that's fine. 426 00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:13,264 So should we get back to lunch? 427 00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:14,265 I guess so. 428 00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:15,266 A little more anticlimactic 429 00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:16,267 than I would have simulated it, 430 00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:19,070 - but whatever. - Anticlimactic? 431 00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:21,038 Render environment observo-deck, 432 00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:25,542 H.M.S. Spacetime 12. 433 00:17:25,543 --> 00:17:28,778 Inspector, set the tachyon drive to hyperjump. 434 00:17:28,779 --> 00:17:30,780 We must get to the other side of this star field 435 00:17:30,781 --> 00:17:33,516 before the Blorgons intercept. 436 00:17:33,517 --> 00:17:35,785 Blorgons in this sector? 437 00:17:35,786 --> 00:17:38,387 Well, this mission has gone pear-shaped, indeed. 438 00:17:38,388 --> 00:17:40,556 Prepare to hyperjump on my mark. 439 00:17:40,557 --> 00:17:42,925 Bugger the dovecoats, inspector. 440 00:17:42,926 --> 00:17:44,727 We're too late! Blorgons! 441 00:17:44,728 --> 00:17:47,296 Eradicate! Eradicate! 442 00:17:47,297 --> 00:17:50,900 Our quantum blasters are useless against their armor. 443 00:17:50,901 --> 00:17:53,268 We're as cooked as Lord Nelson's mutton, we are. 444 00:17:53,269 --> 00:17:54,802 Not if I can help it. 445 00:17:54,803 --> 00:17:59,274 I'll see you on the other side inspector... Wherever that is. 446 00:17:59,275 --> 00:18:02,643 Don't you mean "whenever that is"? 447 00:18:05,982 --> 00:18:08,048 Take that, Blorgon scum! 448 00:18:08,049 --> 00:18:11,185 You'll blo-gon me for this later. 449 00:18:11,186 --> 00:18:12,786 Ow, Annie! 450 00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:14,188 Oh, oh, my God! 451 00:18:14,189 --> 00:18:16,290 Abed, I'm so sorry. 452 00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:17,691 No, no, you're committing. 453 00:18:17,692 --> 00:18:18,859 This is good stuff. 454 00:18:18,860 --> 00:18:21,461 Thanks. 455 00:18:21,462 --> 00:18:23,597 I am Abed Nadir... 456 00:18:23,598 --> 00:18:25,765 And I don't know a lot of things everyone else knows. 457 00:18:25,766 --> 00:18:27,800 I wander the universe with my friend, Troy, 458 00:18:27,801 --> 00:18:29,302 doing whatever I want. 459 00:18:29,303 --> 00:18:32,705 Sometimes accidentally hurting innocent unremarkables. 460 00:18:32,706 --> 00:18:36,142 This week, however, Troy went to lunch and I adapted. 461 00:18:36,143 --> 00:18:39,212 I now have the ability to enter the minds of others. 462 00:18:39,213 --> 00:18:41,413 - I'm hungry, are you hungry? - Yeah. 463 00:18:41,414 --> 00:18:42,981 I'll make us buttered noodles. 464 00:18:42,982 --> 00:18:46,418 Using an elusive new technique known as "empathy". 465 00:18:47,779 --> 00:18:50,142 So was the other fast food place worth the drive, Shirley? 466 00:18:50,223 --> 00:18:52,292 You know, half way there I thought, "What am I doing? 467 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,452 It's the same fast food place in a different location. 468 00:18:54,493 --> 00:18:56,839 Have the margins of my life become so narrow?" 469 00:18:56,905 --> 00:18:58,605 So I went to the mall and had pizza. 470 00:18:59,641 --> 00:19:02,510 Sounds like this has been a game-changing day for all of us. 471 00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:04,935 I almost sat on my balls, 472 00:19:04,968 --> 00:19:08,400 but at the last second, I made an adjustment. 473 00:19:08,452 --> 00:19:10,353 - Good job! - Good work. 474 00:19:10,423 --> 00:19:11,311 Good job, man. 475 00:19:11,345 --> 00:19:13,042 Well, we had a good lunch, too. 476 00:19:13,210 --> 00:19:15,511 Yeah. 477 00:19:15,512 --> 00:19:17,080 I spoke to the manager about Die Hard, 478 00:19:17,081 --> 00:19:18,648 and I told him he should be ashamed of himself. 479 00:19:18,649 --> 00:19:20,016 Thanks. 480 00:19:20,017 --> 00:19:22,152 Sorry I bailed on the Dreamatorium. 481 00:19:22,153 --> 00:19:26,156 It's okay, Annie did pretty good in a pinch. 482 00:19:26,157 --> 00:19:29,624 All right, back to cramming? 483 00:19:29,625 --> 00:19:32,861 The people at the bank loved my outfit. 484 00:19:32,862 --> 00:19:35,230 And they had all kinds of questions about it 485 00:19:35,231 --> 00:19:36,731 and my answers seemed to amuse 486 00:19:36,732 --> 00:19:39,368 and... and even liberate them a little. 487 00:19:39,369 --> 00:19:40,936 A few of us went to lunch 488 00:19:40,937 --> 00:19:44,905 and I had the deepest conversation of my life. 489 00:19:44,906 --> 00:19:48,876 I gotta go, I'm telling everybody. 490 00:19:48,877 --> 00:19:51,479 Hmm, maybe after a long, dark night, 491 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,081 the sun is starting to rise on Greendale. 492 00:19:53,082 --> 00:19:56,084 Maybe. Maybe not. 493 00:19:56,085 --> 00:19:58,752 You never can tell what kind of day you're gonna have. 494 00:19:58,753 --> 00:20:00,687 Okay, I didn't really avoid sitting on them. 495 00:20:00,688 --> 00:20:02,522 I sat right on them. 496 00:20:02,523 --> 00:20:04,091 - Oh. - Aw. 497 00:20:04,092 --> 00:20:05,392 - I'm sorry. - Pierce, I'm sorry. 498 00:20:05,393 --> 00:20:06,693 Hurt like hell. 499 00:20:06,694 --> 00:20:08,628 I saw eagles. 500 00:20:13,572 --> 00:20:14,973 Today we're joined by Annie Edison... 501 00:20:14,974 --> 00:20:16,240 - Hi! - Who's gonna show us how 502 00:20:16,241 --> 00:20:17,675 to spruce up your apartment on a budget. 503 00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:19,077 So, Annie, what inspired this throw? 504 00:20:19,078 --> 00:20:21,512 Well, I just thought that I'd cover up the stain 505 00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:23,680 where Abed spilled code red on the couch last week. 506 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:25,015 Oops. Crafty. 507 00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:26,617 And you have some tips on entertaining. 508 00:20:26,618 --> 00:20:28,451 Yes, if you're expecting company, 509 00:20:28,452 --> 00:20:30,754 but you don't have enough chairs, you can bring out 510 00:20:30,755 --> 00:20:33,356 pillows from your bedroom and use them on the floor 511 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:34,791 for a Moroccan feel. 512 00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:36,893 - Ooh, a taste of the Orient. - Ooh! 513 00:20:36,894 --> 00:20:39,561 Actually, boys, I have a little surprise for you. 514 00:20:39,562 --> 00:20:40,596 - Uh-oh. - While you two were out 515 00:20:40,597 --> 00:20:41,764 playing blazer tag... 516 00:20:41,765 --> 00:20:43,532 That's laser tag with sport coats. 517 00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:47,136 I did a little extreme bedroom makeover! 518 00:20:47,137 --> 00:20:50,472 I unbunked your beds and got scrap fabric and... 519 00:20:50,473 --> 00:20:53,375 It's okay, buddy. 520 00:20:53,376 --> 00:20:54,375 We can put it back. 521 00:20:54,376 --> 00:20:55,576 We can put it back the way it was. 522 00:20:55,577 --> 00:20:56,845 - I'm so sorry. - It's okay. 523 00:20:56,846 --> 00:20:59,447 It's... cut, Garrett. 524 00:20:59,448 --> 00:21:00,749 Sorry!