1 00:00:01,026 --> 00:00:04,160 Greendale Community College is represented by two separate, 2 00:00:04,162 --> 00:00:06,280 yet equally important types of people: 3 00:00:06,281 --> 00:00:08,729 The goofballs that run around stirring up trouble, 4 00:00:08,811 --> 00:00:11,518 and the eggheads that make a big deal out of it. 5 00:00:11,618 --> 00:00:13,470 These are their stories. 6 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:14,674 You'll be better off without her. 7 00:00:14,698 --> 00:00:17,450 She was perfect. Warm, smart, beautiful. 8 00:00:17,481 --> 00:00:20,537 I'm never gonna find another dental hygienist like that. 9 00:00:20,678 --> 00:00:21,905 Well, you should stop hitting on her. 10 00:00:21,943 --> 00:00:25,045 Hey, she's the one putting her hands in my mouth. 11 00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:26,250 Hey! 12 00:00:26,251 --> 00:00:28,230 Over here. 13 00:00:30,789 --> 00:00:32,957 Move along, nothing to see here. 14 00:00:32,958 --> 00:00:34,925 That's the first time those words have actually been true. 15 00:00:34,926 --> 00:00:36,720 Ms. Edison, when you called me down here at midnight, 16 00:00:36,759 --> 00:00:38,436 I expected more than a yam. 17 00:00:38,481 --> 00:00:40,302 Specifically since you said, "There's been a murder." 18 00:00:40,335 --> 00:00:41,526 Our yam was murdered. 19 00:00:41,570 --> 00:00:43,233 If it's any consolation, she got me here 20 00:00:43,273 --> 00:00:44,857 on a very misleading text message. 21 00:00:44,872 --> 00:00:46,540 Jeff, technically, you are about to be screwed 22 00:00:46,585 --> 00:00:48,052 in the biology room because our final project 23 00:00:48,077 --> 00:00:49,028 has been destroyed. 24 00:00:49,057 --> 00:00:50,841 All right, look, I'm sorry for your loss. 25 00:00:50,857 --> 00:00:53,457 I know you guys put the work in, so you'll get a passing grade. 26 00:00:53,528 --> 00:00:54,778 A passing grade? 27 00:00:54,779 --> 00:00:56,196 Like a "C"? 28 00:00:56,197 --> 00:00:58,482 Why don't I just get pregnant at a bus station? 29 00:00:58,483 --> 00:01:00,600 That was going to be an A-plus yam. 30 00:01:00,601 --> 00:01:02,269 I can't give an A-plus to everyone 31 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:03,937 whose yam falls of a counter. 32 00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:05,789 Somebody did this to us. 33 00:01:05,790 --> 00:01:08,042 In science, we call that a hypothesis. 34 00:01:08,043 --> 00:01:10,411 You find something to back it up and we can talk. 35 00:01:10,412 --> 00:01:13,967 Now if you'll excuse me, I was watching Mama's Family. 36 00:01:14,476 --> 00:01:15,735 What happened? 37 00:01:15,755 --> 00:01:16,836 Our yam was killed. 38 00:01:16,875 --> 00:01:18,391 But Professor Kane says we can still get an "A" 39 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:20,200 - if we figure out who did it. - He did not say that. 40 00:01:20,228 --> 00:01:21,148 He basically did. 41 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,609 You let me handle the nitty gritty. 42 00:01:22,634 --> 00:01:24,604 In the meantime, I need somebody to drum up suspects. 43 00:01:24,655 --> 00:01:25,665 I can help you with that. 44 00:01:25,692 --> 00:01:27,660 I watch crime shows when I'm bored. 45 00:01:27,770 --> 00:01:29,804 You boys, canvas for witnesses, establish a time frame 46 00:01:29,836 --> 00:01:31,387 and motive and bring me a suspect. 47 00:01:31,420 --> 00:01:33,108 You've got 48 hours before the trail runs cold, 48 00:01:33,123 --> 00:01:34,740 so start with the last person to see that yam alive. 49 00:01:34,787 --> 00:01:37,322 - Yes, ma'am. - Understood. 50 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,139 It's been a long 15 years. 51 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:41,659 Looks like it's gonna be a late night. 52 00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:42,993 How'd we manage to pull the short straw? 53 00:01:42,994 --> 00:01:44,611 It's not a short straw. 54 00:01:44,612 --> 00:01:46,664 It's a hot potato. 55 00:01:46,665 --> 00:01:50,751 Yeah, well, looks pretty cold to me. 56 00:01:50,752 --> 00:01:54,321 Cold? Or dead? 57 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:57,007 - Survey says... - We can't both do the zinger. 58 00:01:57,008 --> 00:01:58,492 Sorry. 59 00:02:24,028 --> 00:02:27,950 Sync & Corrections by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 60 00:02:35,060 --> 00:02:39,130 Okay, okay, five-to-one on the black guy. 61 00:02:39,131 --> 00:02:40,131 That's offensive. 62 00:02:40,132 --> 00:02:41,132 Fine, six-to-one. 63 00:02:41,133 --> 00:02:42,133 Hello, boys. 64 00:02:42,134 --> 00:02:45,017 Youth! Scatter! 65 00:02:45,094 --> 00:02:48,196 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, Pierce. 66 00:02:48,463 --> 00:02:50,065 Mind if we ask you a couple of questions? 67 00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:52,487 Sure, I always say you guys should ask me more questions. 68 00:02:52,561 --> 00:02:54,228 Did you water our biology yam last night? 69 00:02:54,229 --> 00:02:55,396 Of course I watered it. 70 00:02:55,397 --> 00:02:56,630 It was my turn, wasn't it? 71 00:02:56,631 --> 00:02:57,932 I hold up my end. 72 00:02:57,933 --> 00:03:00,503 Did you hold it or drop it? 73 00:03:00,550 --> 00:03:02,718 Okay, whoa, I had nothing to do with that. 74 00:03:02,938 --> 00:03:04,534 I-I couldn't even get in the room. 75 00:03:04,567 --> 00:03:05,630 Make up your mind, Pierce. 76 00:03:05,654 --> 00:03:07,389 Did you water the yam or weren't you there? 77 00:03:07,617 --> 00:03:09,959 Okay, I lied about watering it. 78 00:03:09,987 --> 00:03:11,971 I got there too late, the doors were already locked. 79 00:03:12,004 --> 00:03:13,573 Why were you late? 80 00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:16,192 I... fell asleep in a sunbeam. 81 00:03:16,255 --> 00:03:17,755 - Likely story. - Actually it is. 82 00:03:17,819 --> 00:03:19,287 I used to live with him, it's kind of adorable. 83 00:03:19,288 --> 00:03:21,005 Look, why are you looking at me for this? 84 00:03:21,006 --> 00:03:22,924 It was my yam too. 85 00:03:22,925 --> 00:03:24,042 You should be talking to somebody 86 00:03:24,043 --> 00:03:25,043 who would wanna hurt us. 87 00:03:25,044 --> 00:03:26,844 - And who's that? - Duh-doy! 88 00:03:26,845 --> 00:03:28,022 Todd. 89 00:03:29,798 --> 00:03:32,216 Last night, I was home by 9:15, 90 00:03:32,217 --> 00:03:34,802 helped Elly with her geography and then went straight to bed. 91 00:03:34,803 --> 00:03:36,688 Sounds like you keep a pretty tight schedule. 92 00:03:36,689 --> 00:03:39,190 A valuable side effect of military service. 93 00:03:39,191 --> 00:03:42,777 In Iraq, keeping a tight schedule saved lives. 94 00:03:42,778 --> 00:03:44,278 Ah, what happened, Todd? 95 00:03:44,279 --> 00:03:46,397 Cut yourself on an extra sharp Oscar Wilde play? 96 00:03:46,398 --> 00:03:47,532 Oh, this? It's a burn. 97 00:03:47,533 --> 00:03:49,200 Home ec class. Muffin. 98 00:03:49,201 --> 00:03:50,234 What kind of muffin? 99 00:03:50,235 --> 00:03:51,519 - Blueberry. - Why not raisin? 100 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:52,926 That wasn't the assignment. 101 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,234 You can dance all day, Todd, 102 00:03:54,252 --> 00:03:55,669 but sooner or later, the music's gonna change. 103 00:03:55,874 --> 00:03:59,384 Look, even if I wanted to hurt your yam, I couldn't. 104 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:02,183 I went by the bio room at 8:10 to chart my yam's growth. 105 00:04:02,364 --> 00:04:03,697 The door was already locked. 106 00:04:03,698 --> 00:04:04,882 There's a lot of that going around. 107 00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:06,467 - Oh, yeah. - It's true. 108 00:04:06,468 --> 00:04:08,836 I had to take a picture of my yam through the door. 109 00:04:08,837 --> 00:04:09,887 See? 110 00:04:09,888 --> 00:04:12,757 Your yam was fine when I left. 111 00:04:14,502 --> 00:04:16,543 I transferred or "downloaded" 112 00:04:16,562 --> 00:04:18,379 Todd's photograph to this computer 113 00:04:18,380 --> 00:04:20,898 and as you'll see, with a few adjustments, I can make 114 00:04:20,899 --> 00:04:23,735 the entire image... 115 00:04:23,736 --> 00:04:27,155 old west color. 116 00:04:27,156 --> 00:04:28,606 I don't know. I thought it was cool. 117 00:04:28,607 --> 00:04:30,074 Britta, zoom in there. 118 00:04:30,075 --> 00:04:31,826 There's a clock on the wall. 119 00:04:31,827 --> 00:04:34,195 - Eight plus two times five... - Ten after 8:00. 120 00:04:34,196 --> 00:04:35,729 I'm gifted in other ways. 121 00:04:35,730 --> 00:04:37,365 That jibes with everyone else we talked to. 122 00:04:37,366 --> 00:04:39,200 It seems like the classroom door gets locked at 8:00. 123 00:04:39,201 --> 00:04:40,535 Which means whoever did the crime... 124 00:04:40,536 --> 00:04:42,086 Got in there before the doors were locked 125 00:04:42,087 --> 00:04:43,633 and stayed there for hours. 126 00:04:43,654 --> 00:04:44,867 I was gonna say, "Had a key". 127 00:04:44,878 --> 00:04:46,779 Last year, I came in after hours a couple of times 128 00:04:46,795 --> 00:04:48,894 to finish a piñata for advanced Spanish. 129 00:04:48,928 --> 00:04:50,996 I had to borrow a key from the front office. 130 00:04:51,059 --> 00:04:52,536 And sign a log. 131 00:04:52,578 --> 00:04:53,786 I can also help. 132 00:04:53,882 --> 00:04:55,466 As a psych major, I could pr... 133 00:04:56,950 --> 00:04:58,832 Any student can check out a key as long as they're 134 00:04:58,860 --> 00:05:01,194 currently taking classes and show school I.D. 135 00:05:01,265 --> 00:05:02,596 The guy we're looking for had a key 136 00:05:02,641 --> 00:05:03,858 to the bio room Monday night. 137 00:05:03,859 --> 00:05:06,093 Monday night? Rings a bell. 138 00:05:06,094 --> 00:05:07,979 I'll check the log. 139 00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:10,431 Sorry, this place is a mess. 140 00:05:10,432 --> 00:05:12,033 Is this about your yam? 141 00:05:12,034 --> 00:05:14,435 I heard about that. It's a damn shame. 142 00:05:14,436 --> 00:05:18,322 - Mine just bloomed yesterday. - Congratulations. 143 00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:22,743 Ooh, there she is. 144 00:05:22,744 --> 00:05:28,216 Monday night, one biology room key checked out by... 145 00:05:28,388 --> 00:05:30,389 Magnitude. 146 00:05:32,187 --> 00:05:33,504 So you're saying you did check out a key, 147 00:05:33,505 --> 00:05:35,339 but it was inside your backpack when someone stole it 148 00:05:35,340 --> 00:05:37,558 off a table in the library while you were using the bathroom 149 00:05:37,559 --> 00:05:38,926 and you haven't seen it since. 150 00:05:38,927 --> 00:05:42,463 Pop pop! 151 00:05:42,464 --> 00:05:44,632 Perfect, so now we gotta solve a robbery too. 152 00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:46,234 Well, whoever did it likes to steal backpacks 153 00:05:46,235 --> 00:05:47,435 off tables in the library. 154 00:05:47,436 --> 00:05:50,238 Only one way to catch a dirtbag like that. 155 00:05:55,027 --> 00:05:58,029 Well, time to visit the restroom. 156 00:06:19,501 --> 00:06:21,835 I found that backpack. 157 00:06:21,836 --> 00:06:24,838 Hey, idiot, guess what. 158 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:27,475 We don't care about the backpack. 159 00:06:27,476 --> 00:06:30,444 Dead yam, big deal. 160 00:06:30,445 --> 00:06:31,845 Order some ketchup. 161 00:06:31,846 --> 00:06:33,531 That doesn't make sense. You don't order ketchup. 162 00:06:33,532 --> 00:06:34,532 It's a condiment! 163 00:06:34,533 --> 00:06:36,016 Troy, Troy, hey, walk it off! 164 00:06:36,017 --> 00:06:37,902 Troy, walk it off! 165 00:06:37,903 --> 00:06:39,070 Sorry, my friend, he's a bad cop. 166 00:06:39,071 --> 00:06:40,321 - Yeah. - I'm a good cop. 167 00:06:40,322 --> 00:06:41,539 - Oh, good. - You can trust me. 168 00:06:41,540 --> 00:06:43,541 Okay, well... hey! 169 00:06:43,542 --> 00:06:45,076 I'm not falling for that. 170 00:06:45,077 --> 00:06:47,044 And you got nothing on me. 171 00:06:47,045 --> 00:06:49,330 And I don't have to stay here, 'cause you're not cops. 172 00:06:54,219 --> 00:06:55,887 He's right. You're not cops. 173 00:06:55,888 --> 00:06:58,139 I'd say our hands are tied, but we basically have no hands. 174 00:06:58,140 --> 00:06:59,340 But he's our man though, right? 175 00:06:59,341 --> 00:07:01,309 Well he ain't innocent. 176 00:07:01,310 --> 00:07:03,094 Look, I'll try to keep him busy. 177 00:07:03,095 --> 00:07:05,150 You guys go to the lab, see if they figured out 178 00:07:05,186 --> 00:07:06,770 how our yam met its masher. 179 00:07:06,896 --> 00:07:09,564 I can both see and hear you. 180 00:07:11,194 --> 00:07:13,946 The yam's vascular cylinder is completely disintegrated. 181 00:07:14,274 --> 00:07:15,908 Any possibility it happened naturally? 182 00:07:15,971 --> 00:07:18,174 Sure, if the gardener's Joseph Mengele. 183 00:07:18,243 --> 00:07:19,327 Look at the root system. 184 00:07:19,328 --> 00:07:21,245 This level of smushing is consistent 185 00:07:21,246 --> 00:07:23,897 with someone stepping on the yam after it was dropped. 186 00:07:23,898 --> 00:07:25,566 So whoever did this was angry. 187 00:07:25,567 --> 00:07:26,734 Hey, I just cut 'em open. 188 00:07:26,735 --> 00:07:28,402 You want motive, talk to a shrink. 189 00:07:28,403 --> 00:07:32,123 What I can tell you is that for a raw yam to get it this bad, 190 00:07:32,124 --> 00:07:34,074 you need more than gravity. 191 00:07:34,075 --> 00:07:35,376 You need a boot. 192 00:07:38,704 --> 00:07:40,094 We have to tell Professor Kane. 193 00:07:40,123 --> 00:07:41,573 There's nothing here to connect to Star-Burns. 194 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:42,600 He'd have to confess. 195 00:07:42,601 --> 00:07:43,601 Oh, yeah, sure. 196 00:07:43,602 --> 00:07:44,719 Maybe if we ask him nice, 197 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,020 he'll write us a love letter too. 198 00:07:46,021 --> 00:07:49,757 Well, whoever did do this does owe you guys a letter. 199 00:07:49,758 --> 00:07:51,759 An "A." 200 00:07:53,695 --> 00:07:57,431 This yam was about to bloom. 201 00:07:57,432 --> 00:07:58,783 Damn. 202 00:07:58,784 --> 00:08:02,403 We named the yam "Pam." 203 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,076 It rhymed. 204 00:08:06,184 --> 00:08:07,271 Even if we could prove 205 00:08:07,272 --> 00:08:08,772 that Star-Burns stole Magnitude's key, 206 00:08:08,773 --> 00:08:09,773 it's not enough. 207 00:08:09,812 --> 00:08:11,157 But we know Star-Burns did it. 208 00:08:11,267 --> 00:08:12,846 Keep the change, Garret. 209 00:08:13,111 --> 00:08:14,488 You know what? Keep the hot dog. 210 00:08:14,521 --> 00:08:15,539 You're telling me after all this, 211 00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:16,813 our suspect's gonna slip away 212 00:08:16,853 --> 00:08:18,186 on the technicality that we're not police? 213 00:08:18,281 --> 00:08:20,141 Okay, look, you don't need authority 214 00:08:20,164 --> 00:08:21,180 to get a confession. 215 00:08:21,195 --> 00:08:23,091 You need leverage. Something to hold over his head. 216 00:08:23,122 --> 00:08:24,427 - Like what? - He's Star-Burns. 217 00:08:24,447 --> 00:08:25,426 Break into his locker. 218 00:08:25,452 --> 00:08:26,736 You'll find enough dirt to bury him. 219 00:08:26,753 --> 00:08:28,504 Jeff, that's not ethical. 220 00:08:28,724 --> 00:08:31,271 Oh, so now you're finding your softness? 221 00:08:31,362 --> 00:08:32,496 I say do what you have to do. 222 00:08:32,497 --> 00:08:33,863 It's too late to get compassionate. 223 00:08:33,864 --> 00:08:36,666 We only have time to get justice. 224 00:08:36,667 --> 00:08:38,335 I really shouldn't be doing this. 225 00:08:38,336 --> 00:08:40,387 And you're sure you heard a kitten meowing in here? 226 00:08:40,388 --> 00:08:42,923 Not anymore, so hurry up. 227 00:08:43,975 --> 00:08:45,976 Whoa, Nelly! 228 00:08:50,064 --> 00:08:53,066 Clean up on aisle "busted." 229 00:08:56,154 --> 00:08:57,687 Why do they always r... 230 00:08:57,688 --> 00:08:58,688 Why do they always... 231 00:08:58,689 --> 00:09:00,023 - You go ahead. - Why do they always run? 232 00:09:00,024 --> 00:09:03,226 There you go. 233 00:09:03,227 --> 00:09:04,244 Move! 234 00:09:04,245 --> 00:09:06,079 Not police business! 235 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:09,566 Hey, knock much? 236 00:09:09,567 --> 00:09:10,567 - Kiss me! - What? 237 00:09:10,568 --> 00:09:11,568 I'll explain later. 238 00:09:11,569 --> 00:09:12,735 - No. - I'll explain later. 239 00:09:12,736 --> 00:09:14,421 The explanation isn't the issue. 240 00:09:14,422 --> 00:09:16,072 Aah! 241 00:09:16,073 --> 00:09:17,707 Oh, all right, all right. 242 00:09:17,708 --> 00:09:20,877 Look, I-I swiped some beakers for the meth lab 243 00:09:20,878 --> 00:09:22,879 that I'm building in the trunk of my car. 244 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,264 But that's it. 245 00:09:24,265 --> 00:09:25,849 I didn't kill any yam. 246 00:09:25,850 --> 00:09:27,267 Tell it to the biology Professor. 247 00:09:27,268 --> 00:09:28,468 Oh, now wait! 248 00:09:28,469 --> 00:09:29,803 I know who did it. 249 00:09:29,804 --> 00:09:31,921 I left the door open and someone came in. 250 00:09:31,922 --> 00:09:33,607 He dropped your yam. 251 00:09:33,608 --> 00:09:35,425 Will you tell our teacher who it was? 252 00:09:35,426 --> 00:09:36,893 If you promise I won't get in trouble 253 00:09:36,894 --> 00:09:38,445 for stealing that meth lab stuff. 254 00:09:38,446 --> 00:09:39,929 - Sure, whatever. - Fine. 255 00:09:39,930 --> 00:09:41,931 Pinky swear? 256 00:09:44,202 --> 00:09:46,269 It was the guy with the weird head. 257 00:09:46,270 --> 00:09:47,287 The army guy. 258 00:09:47,288 --> 00:09:48,622 I heard the jar break and then 259 00:09:48,623 --> 00:09:51,291 I saw him running out of the room holding his hand. 260 00:09:51,292 --> 00:09:56,296 Looked like he cut himself. 261 00:09:56,297 --> 00:09:58,498 Well, well, well. 262 00:09:58,499 --> 00:09:59,549 Look at this, Abed. 263 00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:01,618 He weaves baskets and lies. 264 00:10:01,619 --> 00:10:02,619 What's this about? 265 00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:04,621 It's about the killing of our biology yam. 266 00:10:04,622 --> 00:10:05,806 Will you please come with us? 267 00:10:05,807 --> 00:10:07,257 But I'm in the middle of making a handle. 268 00:10:07,258 --> 00:10:09,459 He wants it the hard way. Tell him what Shirley said. 269 00:10:09,460 --> 00:10:11,628 Todd Jacobson, you have the right to do whatever you want. 270 00:10:11,629 --> 00:10:14,130 Nothing you say or do can be used against you by anyone, 271 00:10:14,131 --> 00:10:15,599 but we'd really like it if you came with us. 272 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,701 Please and thank you. 273 00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:19,786 Make it quick, folks. 274 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:22,472 I have a class in five minutes and none of you guys are in it. 275 00:10:22,473 --> 00:10:24,641 After conducting a full investigation, 276 00:10:24,642 --> 00:10:27,744 my study group now has definitive proof that Todd, 277 00:10:27,745 --> 00:10:30,363 with malice of forethought, smashed our yam. 278 00:10:30,364 --> 00:10:32,749 That's a serious allegation. I hope you can back it up. 279 00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:34,484 We can place him in the building Monday night. 280 00:10:34,485 --> 00:10:37,120 He has a mysterious bandage on his hand, 281 00:10:37,121 --> 00:10:39,322 and we have and eyewitness who saw Todd drop the jar and flee. 282 00:10:39,323 --> 00:10:40,823 Well, Todd, what do you have to say? 283 00:10:40,824 --> 00:10:44,044 - I just wanna... - Don't answer that, soldier! 284 00:10:44,045 --> 00:10:46,596 - This man is an American hero. - And who are you? 285 00:10:46,597 --> 00:10:49,299 I'm Lieutenant Colonel Archwood, United States Army. 286 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,834 I had the pleasure of commanding this young man in Iraq. 287 00:10:51,835 --> 00:10:53,220 I'm staying on his couch this weekend 288 00:10:53,221 --> 00:10:54,721 while I'm in town for a wedding. 289 00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:57,807 I am a licensed attorney, a veteran of two wars, 290 00:10:57,808 --> 00:11:02,028 and I'd like to know why in hell he's being harassed. 291 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:04,347 Mr. Winger, what is the intention here? 292 00:11:04,348 --> 00:11:07,817 Simple. When Todd smashed our yam, he stole an "A" from us. 293 00:11:07,818 --> 00:11:08,952 We want it back. 294 00:11:08,953 --> 00:11:10,904 You mean if he smashed the yam. 295 00:11:10,905 --> 00:11:13,206 All you have is the word of this Mr. Star-Burns, 296 00:11:13,207 --> 00:11:15,992 who offers up no explanation as to why he was at the scene. 297 00:11:15,993 --> 00:11:17,193 How about it, Jeffrey? 298 00:11:17,194 --> 00:11:19,362 What was Star-Burns doing there? 299 00:11:19,363 --> 00:11:20,747 We agreed to withhold that information 300 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:23,199 as part of a pinky swear with the witness. 301 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,551 A pinky swear? 302 00:11:24,552 --> 00:11:27,254 This is ludicrous. This whole school is ludicrous. 303 00:11:27,255 --> 00:11:29,539 Who honors the pinky swear of a degenerate 304 00:11:29,540 --> 00:11:31,091 over the word of a decorated soldier? 305 00:11:31,092 --> 00:11:33,727 I'm inclined to agree with the man in uniform. 306 00:11:33,728 --> 00:11:35,262 - Shocker. - Jeffrey. 307 00:11:35,263 --> 00:11:38,231 Tell us what Star-Burns was doing in that classroom, 308 00:11:38,232 --> 00:11:40,383 or your group can take an "F." 309 00:11:40,384 --> 00:11:42,051 Hold up, hold up, hold up. 310 00:11:42,052 --> 00:11:43,687 I grade my students. 311 00:11:43,688 --> 00:11:46,022 Now, what Star-Face was doing there is irrelevant. 312 00:11:46,023 --> 00:11:47,857 What matters is what he saw. 313 00:11:47,858 --> 00:11:49,359 I'm upholding the pinky swear. 314 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,560 What? 315 00:11:50,561 --> 00:11:52,829 Yo, man, you spent your life in the army. 316 00:11:52,830 --> 00:11:54,447 I spent mine in prison. 317 00:11:54,448 --> 00:11:57,834 Two places where a man's word is only as good as his uniform. 318 00:11:57,835 --> 00:12:00,003 Now out here, it's supposed to be different. 319 00:12:00,004 --> 00:12:02,422 And in my class, it will be. 320 00:12:02,423 --> 00:12:04,007 You two can plead your case to the class 321 00:12:04,008 --> 00:12:07,344 and let them decide your grades. 322 00:12:07,743 --> 00:12:10,528 Professor... Thank you. 323 00:12:10,748 --> 00:12:12,691 It's not a favor, Mr. Winger. 324 00:12:12,859 --> 00:12:14,313 A man's gotta have a code. 325 00:12:14,465 --> 00:12:16,249 Awesome. 326 00:12:16,288 --> 00:12:18,673 See you in class. 327 00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:23,810 - Uniform. - Oh! 328 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:24,811 Jeez. 329 00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,813 Yeah. 330 00:12:27,212 --> 00:12:28,546 Shirley did some more digging. 331 00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:30,579 Turns out Todd's yam never even sprouted. 332 00:12:30,746 --> 00:12:32,063 Goes to motive. 333 00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,978 And Star-Burns puts Todd in the classroom at 8:10. 334 00:12:35,019 --> 00:12:35,849 Opportunity. 335 00:12:35,871 --> 00:12:37,040 Add to that a cut on the hand 336 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,948 and the Winger charm, we might get an A-plus-plus. 337 00:12:40,042 --> 00:12:41,292 We still have a lot of work to do. 338 00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:42,674 Oh, I think you've done enough. 339 00:12:42,730 --> 00:12:44,514 Colonel Archwood got to Star-Burns. 340 00:12:44,554 --> 00:12:46,055 Threatened to involve the real cops. 341 00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:48,348 Now Star-Burns is in the wind. 342 00:12:48,756 --> 00:12:50,357 He's our only witness. 343 00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:51,390 That what you guys do in here? 344 00:12:51,429 --> 00:12:52,429 You push your little papers 345 00:12:52,469 --> 00:12:53,649 and you make your little speeches, 346 00:12:53,695 --> 00:12:55,547 and in the end another dirtbag walks? 347 00:12:55,617 --> 00:12:57,375 Huh? Huh? 348 00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:59,562 Abed! Abed! 349 00:12:59,563 --> 00:13:01,464 Abed! Walk it off! 350 00:13:01,465 --> 00:13:04,067 Walk it off! 351 00:13:05,177 --> 00:13:06,961 I'm sorry about my partner. 352 00:13:07,204 --> 00:13:11,057 He... he's been on edge ever since we switched. 353 00:13:11,475 --> 00:13:13,660 You. 354 00:13:13,974 --> 00:13:16,291 Annie, that class already hates us. 355 00:13:16,292 --> 00:13:18,394 If we go in there without a case, they'll fail us. 356 00:13:18,395 --> 00:13:20,062 We have proof our yam was murdered 357 00:13:20,063 --> 00:13:21,814 and now you find your softness? 358 00:13:21,815 --> 00:13:23,966 It's eat or be eaten when that's convenient, 359 00:13:23,967 --> 00:13:26,319 but when the going gets tough, Winger gets nervous, huh? 360 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:27,987 We have no case, Annie. 361 00:13:27,988 --> 00:13:29,822 It's too late to get one, Jeff. 362 00:13:30,095 --> 00:13:32,827 We only have time to get justice. 363 00:13:35,938 --> 00:13:38,037 Tell us what happened next, Todd. 364 00:13:38,062 --> 00:13:40,364 I disarmed the I.E.D. 365 00:13:40,365 --> 00:13:42,616 and returned the child to his mother. 366 00:13:42,617 --> 00:13:45,786 She offered to give me her only possession... a wooden chair... 367 00:13:45,787 --> 00:13:47,004 but I refused. 368 00:13:47,005 --> 00:13:50,073 I was only doing my duty and we had 369 00:13:50,074 --> 00:13:51,792 plenty of chairs at the base. 370 00:13:51,793 --> 00:13:53,960 And for your valor, you were awarded a bronze star. 371 00:13:53,961 --> 00:13:56,513 In fact, you have an absolutely glowing service record. 372 00:13:56,514 --> 00:13:58,382 - Don't you, private? - I do my best. 373 00:13:58,383 --> 00:14:00,717 You do more than that, soldier. 374 00:14:00,718 --> 00:14:03,020 Certainly more than this witness 375 00:14:03,021 --> 00:14:04,587 who supposedly saw you kill the yam. 376 00:14:04,588 --> 00:14:06,973 A man who for all we know 377 00:14:06,974 --> 00:14:09,226 is a holocaust-denying, 9/11 pedophile. 378 00:14:09,227 --> 00:14:11,778 - Objection. - Withdrawn. 379 00:14:11,779 --> 00:14:13,063 One last question. 380 00:14:13,064 --> 00:14:14,898 Did you intentionally break into 381 00:14:14,899 --> 00:14:17,367 the biology room with the express purpose 382 00:14:17,368 --> 00:14:19,769 of killing the study group's yam? 383 00:14:19,770 --> 00:14:22,039 - No, sir, I did not. - Thank you, soldier. 384 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:25,826 And God bless your testimony. 385 00:14:25,827 --> 00:14:27,828 Your witness. 386 00:14:30,381 --> 00:14:34,217 Tell me, Todd, do you consider yourself a hero? 387 00:14:34,218 --> 00:14:35,252 Oh, no. 388 00:14:35,253 --> 00:14:36,303 Of course not. 389 00:14:36,304 --> 00:14:38,538 A hero doesn't call himself a hero. 390 00:14:38,539 --> 00:14:40,924 A hero gets called a hero because of what he does. 391 00:14:40,925 --> 00:14:42,175 And with your impressive record, 392 00:14:42,176 --> 00:14:43,593 not even I could deny you the title. 393 00:14:43,594 --> 00:14:45,929 Objection, she's clearly ramping up to something. 394 00:14:45,930 --> 00:14:47,514 Objection, that's not a real objection. 395 00:14:47,515 --> 00:14:49,316 Objection, I hate the both of you. 396 00:14:49,317 --> 00:14:51,752 You may proceed, Ms. Edison, but do so with caution. 397 00:14:51,753 --> 00:14:54,237 Need I remind you this is not a courtroom? 398 00:14:54,238 --> 00:14:55,939 I spent the majority of last night 399 00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:57,357 going over your records with Mr. Winger, 400 00:14:57,358 --> 00:15:01,828 scouring them for the slightest mistake, the tiniest slip up. 401 00:15:01,829 --> 00:15:05,248 And I gotta tell you, Todd. Couldn't find a thing. 402 00:15:05,249 --> 00:15:08,201 Not one little smudge. 403 00:15:08,202 --> 00:15:12,989 Except, of course, for one pesky yam that just wouldn't grow. 404 00:15:12,990 --> 00:15:14,875 That had to weigh on your soul, didn't it, Todd? 405 00:15:14,876 --> 00:15:16,993 - Maybe a little. - A little? 406 00:15:16,994 --> 00:15:20,764 A big orange splotch on your perfect record? 407 00:15:20,765 --> 00:15:23,133 I bet that pissed you right off, didn't it? 408 00:15:23,134 --> 00:15:24,718 Is that why you hit your wife? 409 00:15:24,719 --> 00:15:26,186 Withdrawn. 410 00:15:26,187 --> 00:15:27,637 Is that why you drink and pop pills? 411 00:15:27,638 --> 00:15:28,638 Withdrawn. 412 00:15:28,639 --> 00:15:30,223 Are you a virgin? Withdrawn. 413 00:15:30,224 --> 00:15:31,522 Did you... 414 00:15:33,144 --> 00:15:36,696 kill our yam to settle the score, huh? 415 00:15:36,697 --> 00:15:39,682 Did stomping on its roots make you feel like a big man? 416 00:15:39,683 --> 00:15:40,867 No, it didn't. 417 00:15:40,868 --> 00:15:42,352 I mean, I didn't... 418 00:15:42,353 --> 00:15:44,020 Todd, zip it. 419 00:15:44,021 --> 00:15:46,573 No, you zip it, Uncle Knobby. 420 00:15:46,574 --> 00:15:48,492 I'm not fighting your wars anymore. 421 00:15:48,493 --> 00:15:49,826 Listen to me, Todd. 422 00:15:49,827 --> 00:15:53,163 I know how scary a failing grade can be, 423 00:15:53,164 --> 00:15:56,032 but this one dead yam won't tarnish your record. 424 00:15:56,033 --> 00:16:00,370 What will tarnish it is lying to your class, 425 00:16:00,371 --> 00:16:02,088 to your teacher, and to me. 426 00:16:02,089 --> 00:16:04,874 The American citizen you've sworn to protect. 427 00:16:04,875 --> 00:16:07,544 Come on, Todd. 428 00:16:07,545 --> 00:16:09,596 Stop disappointing me. 429 00:16:09,597 --> 00:16:13,383 Defuse the I.E.D. of dishonesty. 430 00:16:15,814 --> 00:16:17,103 It was an accident. 431 00:16:18,156 --> 00:16:19,856 I just wanted to look at your yam, 432 00:16:19,857 --> 00:16:23,493 but when I picked up the jar, it burnt me and I dropped it. 433 00:16:23,494 --> 00:16:25,445 Booyah! 434 00:16:25,446 --> 00:16:28,532 That's how it's done! 435 00:16:32,036 --> 00:16:34,921 - Todd... - Woo-hoo! 436 00:16:34,922 --> 00:16:36,173 I'm telling your mother. 437 00:16:36,174 --> 00:16:37,257 That's right. 438 00:16:37,258 --> 00:16:40,577 Always have an exit strategy. 439 00:16:42,847 --> 00:16:45,248 I think I've heard enough. 440 00:16:45,249 --> 00:16:48,251 Professor Kane, may we have a sidebar in your office? 441 00:16:52,139 --> 00:16:53,423 I want a mistrial. 442 00:16:53,424 --> 00:16:55,225 Just give us a "C," give Todd a "C." 443 00:16:55,226 --> 00:16:56,926 - Excuse me? - What? 444 00:16:56,927 --> 00:16:59,863 Can we take a sidebar in this sidebar? 445 00:16:59,864 --> 00:17:02,148 Jeff, we're about to get our "A." 446 00:17:02,149 --> 00:17:04,767 - Todd didn't do it. - Um, he just confessed, dummy. 447 00:17:04,768 --> 00:17:06,736 He said the jar burned him? 448 00:17:06,737 --> 00:17:07,871 It doesn't make any sense. 449 00:17:07,872 --> 00:17:09,539 People don't half-confess to crimes. 450 00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:12,609 Look, when we started this, you were after the truth. 451 00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:16,112 And then I convinced you it was more important to win. 452 00:17:16,113 --> 00:17:18,048 Don't be like me. 453 00:17:18,049 --> 00:17:19,949 A man's got to have a code. 454 00:17:19,950 --> 00:17:23,303 I can only assume there is a female equivalent to that. 455 00:17:23,304 --> 00:17:25,388 - A "codette" or something. - But... 456 00:17:25,389 --> 00:17:27,007 It's not worth getting an "A" 457 00:17:27,008 --> 00:17:30,010 if an innocent man might get an "F." 458 00:17:32,013 --> 00:17:34,064 Okay, I heard all of that and I accept. 459 00:17:35,850 --> 00:17:37,934 All right. 460 00:17:37,935 --> 00:17:41,655 After speaking to the wronged parties, I've decided to... 461 00:17:41,656 --> 00:17:44,190 Uh, if it pleases the bio class, 462 00:17:44,191 --> 00:17:45,692 I have closing arguments. 463 00:17:45,693 --> 00:17:48,111 Of course you do. 464 00:17:48,112 --> 00:17:53,750 Why was it so hard for all of us to grow a yam? 465 00:17:53,751 --> 00:17:58,038 It's just a stupid yam in a stupid jar. 466 00:17:58,039 --> 00:18:02,492 We're all fully-grown adults failing a kindergarten project. 467 00:18:02,493 --> 00:18:04,327 - Can I object? - I'll allow it. 468 00:18:04,328 --> 00:18:05,345 Sustained. 469 00:18:05,346 --> 00:18:08,331 And all this time we assumed our yam was targeted, 470 00:18:08,332 --> 00:18:11,551 that someone had stomped its roots maliciously. 471 00:18:11,552 --> 00:18:14,504 But what if... what if our yam's roots 472 00:18:14,505 --> 00:18:17,340 were dead before they hit the ground? 473 00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:20,393 - Hey, that's mine! - Look at it. 474 00:18:20,394 --> 00:18:21,728 Everyone look. 475 00:18:21,729 --> 00:18:24,397 Smushed without being stepped on. 476 00:18:25,616 --> 00:18:27,117 Because it didn't have to be stepped on. 477 00:18:27,118 --> 00:18:29,819 Because it was boiled. 478 00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:34,407 Someone has been pouring boiling water into our jars at night. 479 00:18:34,408 --> 00:18:37,360 No one noticed because the water cooled off by morning. 480 00:18:37,361 --> 00:18:41,081 Boiling water is the icicle stabbing of yam killing. 481 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,417 Ooh, but that didn't... 482 00:18:44,418 --> 00:18:46,419 Hmm. 483 00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:48,705 This yam isn't boiled. 484 00:18:48,706 --> 00:18:49,839 Vicki? 485 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,092 I don't... I didn't do it, I swear! 486 00:18:52,093 --> 00:18:53,093 I boiled the yams. 487 00:18:53,094 --> 00:18:54,978 Vicki's yam never sprouted 488 00:18:54,979 --> 00:18:57,011 and I didn't want her to fail, so I threw off the grading curve 489 00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:58,711 so she wouldn't have to go to summer school 490 00:18:58,775 --> 00:19:01,373 and we can finally have sex in my parents' cabin. 491 00:19:01,552 --> 00:19:03,368 God forgive me, I did it for love! 492 00:19:03,415 --> 00:19:06,950 Holy crap. 493 00:19:07,051 --> 00:19:09,990 We are definitely dissecting pine cones next year. 494 00:19:10,027 --> 00:19:13,396 Neil has agreed to retake biology over the summer 495 00:19:13,397 --> 00:19:16,065 and his status as keymaster has been revoked. 496 00:19:16,066 --> 00:19:18,735 After all the politics and procedure, in the end, 497 00:19:18,736 --> 00:19:20,870 the case really was about biology. 498 00:19:20,871 --> 00:19:23,173 Told you it was an important subject. 499 00:19:25,509 --> 00:19:27,510 Hello? 500 00:19:33,154 --> 00:19:36,001 I understand. 501 00:19:37,271 --> 00:19:39,222 Star-Burns got rear-ended 502 00:19:39,223 --> 00:19:42,942 and the meth lab in his trunk exploded. 503 00:19:43,568 --> 00:19:45,569 He's dead. 504 00:19:53,014 --> 00:19:55,665 - Abed? - Yeah? 505 00:19:55,666 --> 00:19:57,617 Why don't we have bunk bed conversations? 506 00:19:57,618 --> 00:19:59,285 I don't know. 507 00:19:59,286 --> 00:20:01,387 We're best friends, we share a bunk bed. 508 00:20:01,388 --> 00:20:03,089 Seems like we should be having them all the time. 509 00:20:03,090 --> 00:20:04,390 You start. 510 00:20:04,391 --> 00:20:07,610 Okay. Why do you think they call them "bunk beds"? 511 00:20:07,611 --> 00:20:09,379 Where's the word "bunk" come from? 512 00:20:09,380 --> 00:20:10,413 I don't know. 513 00:20:10,414 --> 00:20:12,714 I think it comes from the word "bunker." 514 00:20:12,715 --> 00:20:16,152 So when is your apartment done being fumigated? 515 00:20:16,153 --> 00:20:17,587 Oh, it was done about a week ago. 516 00:20:17,588 --> 00:20:18,972 Then why are you still here? 517 00:20:18,973 --> 00:20:22,325 - I brought you some warm milk. - Oh. 518 00:20:22,326 --> 00:20:23,774 There you go. 519 00:20:37,274 --> 00:20:39,092 Sweet deans. 520 00:20:39,124 --> 00:20:41,909 That's nice... I guess.