1 00:00:00,808 --> 00:00:03,363 Pierce, you made us all drive to a warehouse 2 00:00:03,364 --> 00:00:04,785 in the middle of nowhere. 3 00:00:04,786 --> 00:00:05,953 You could at least tell us why. 4 00:00:05,954 --> 00:00:07,247 Hey, I know as much as you. 5 00:00:07,266 --> 00:00:07,917 I got a letter 6 00:00:07,940 --> 00:00:09,956 from the executor of my father's estate. 7 00:00:09,978 --> 00:00:12,073 It said to come out here with my seven closest friends. 8 00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:12,987 You brought six. 9 00:00:13,011 --> 00:00:14,262 Well, who else was he gonna bring? 10 00:00:14,263 --> 00:00:15,596 Levar Burton was a maybe. 11 00:00:15,597 --> 00:00:17,014 Mr. Hawthorne. 12 00:00:17,015 --> 00:00:18,633 I apologize. Gilbert. 13 00:00:18,634 --> 00:00:20,718 Even from the grave, my father's got you 14 00:00:20,719 --> 00:00:23,003 by the short and curly salt and pepperies. 15 00:00:23,004 --> 00:00:25,306 My name is Gilbert Lawson. 16 00:00:25,307 --> 00:00:28,326 I was Cornelius Hawthorne's assistant for over 30 years, 17 00:00:28,327 --> 00:00:30,177 and before that, I was just the teenager 18 00:00:30,178 --> 00:00:31,896 who read the Bible to him in the bath. 19 00:00:31,897 --> 00:00:32,897 - Ew. - All right, all right. 20 00:00:32,898 --> 00:00:34,031 It's inheritance time. 21 00:00:34,032 --> 00:00:36,200 How 'bout that check, soul brother? 22 00:00:36,201 --> 00:00:37,618 Your father did leave you something, 23 00:00:37,619 --> 00:00:39,353 but it's more of an activity. 24 00:00:39,354 --> 00:00:41,622 Thank you for keeping it as creepy as possible. 25 00:00:41,623 --> 00:00:43,291 This looks like a multi-player gaming interface. 26 00:00:43,292 --> 00:00:44,325 I've heard enough. 27 00:00:44,326 --> 00:00:47,912 Oh, that diabolical old fossil face. 28 00:00:47,913 --> 00:00:50,331 I asked him for money to invest in video games 29 00:00:50,332 --> 00:00:51,865 back in 1979. 30 00:00:51,866 --> 00:00:54,368 Cornelius spent over 30 years developing a video game for you. 31 00:00:54,369 --> 00:00:56,454 It was his dying wish 32 00:00:56,455 --> 00:00:58,723 that you and seven of your closest friends would play it. 33 00:00:58,724 --> 00:01:00,341 Lavar Burton was a maybe. 34 00:01:00,342 --> 00:01:01,976 So, please, choose a seat. 35 00:01:01,977 --> 00:01:03,344 Cool. 36 00:01:03,345 --> 00:01:06,847 So a 100-year-old man designed a 30-year-old video game? 37 00:01:06,848 --> 00:01:08,099 This I've got to see. 38 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:09,550 Once you're seated behind your computers, 39 00:01:09,551 --> 00:01:10,768 a photograph of you will be taken 40 00:01:10,769 --> 00:01:13,487 and an avatar will be made from your likeness. 41 00:01:13,488 --> 00:01:14,889 I didn't bring my likeness. 42 00:01:16,475 --> 00:01:17,558 Don't smile. 43 00:01:17,559 --> 00:01:22,196 All right, everyone, let's begin. 44 00:01:49,945 --> 00:01:52,943 Sync and corrections by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 45 00:01:53,828 --> 00:01:55,024 - Nice! - Cool. 46 00:01:55,025 --> 00:01:56,315 - Old school. - Cool, cool, cool. 47 00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:57,294 Which one is me? 48 00:01:57,295 --> 00:01:59,439 I assume nothing because I'm not racist. 49 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,552 Aww! We're adorable! 50 00:02:01,553 --> 00:02:03,020 Why did this thing take photos 51 00:02:03,021 --> 00:02:05,189 if it was going to completely fabricate random body shapes? 52 00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:07,475 That's what I'm saying! My hair looks good, though. 53 00:02:07,476 --> 00:02:09,543 Orange button is jump. 54 00:02:11,580 --> 00:02:12,997 Whee! 55 00:02:12,998 --> 00:02:14,382 Which guy am I? 56 00:02:14,383 --> 00:02:16,250 There's a door here. 57 00:02:17,285 --> 00:02:19,136 - Peace. Love. - What's that? 58 00:02:19,137 --> 00:02:20,554 - I think it's a hippie. - Peace. Love. 59 00:02:20,555 --> 00:02:21,572 Aww! 60 00:02:21,573 --> 00:02:22,857 Annie, stop "awing" everything. 61 00:02:22,858 --> 00:02:25,393 Don't be jaded. He's saying "peace." 62 00:02:25,394 --> 00:02:26,827 - Hello. - Sex. 63 00:02:26,828 --> 00:02:28,779 - Did he say "sex"? - Drugs. Sex. 64 00:02:28,780 --> 00:02:30,448 Oh, my God. 65 00:02:30,449 --> 00:02:31,465 Hold on, I'm coming. 66 00:02:31,466 --> 00:02:33,801 - Oh! Oh! Ow! Ow! - Darn! Shoot! 67 00:02:33,802 --> 00:02:36,237 Dang it. Um... Jeff, you just murdered Annie. 68 00:02:36,238 --> 00:02:37,688 Well, better than doing nothing! 69 00:02:37,704 --> 00:02:39,298 - I'm not sure that's the case. - That's debatable. 70 00:02:39,345 --> 00:02:40,729 You guys, help me. 71 00:02:40,770 --> 00:02:42,689 - The way you helped Annie? - Sex. 72 00:02:42,737 --> 00:02:43,580 Before we engage, 73 00:02:43,612 --> 00:02:45,018 we should hang back and study their tactics. 74 00:02:45,037 --> 00:02:46,270 - What? - Group sex. 75 00:02:46,294 --> 00:02:47,695 Oh, my God! 76 00:02:47,869 --> 00:02:49,886 Oh, cool, I'm alive. 77 00:02:49,951 --> 00:02:52,520 - Pierce? - This game makes no sense. 78 00:02:52,521 --> 00:02:55,172 - What happened to you? - I don't want to talk about it. 79 00:02:55,173 --> 00:02:58,059 Pierce, point the joystick right. 80 00:02:58,060 --> 00:03:00,161 So I'm supposed to just guess that? 81 00:03:00,162 --> 00:03:01,712 Where are the instructions? 82 00:03:03,465 --> 00:03:05,916 Take that! Take that! Yeah, we rule! 83 00:03:05,917 --> 00:03:07,168 Oh, you guys are alive. 84 00:03:07,169 --> 00:03:08,652 You re-spawn in the study room when you die. 85 00:03:08,653 --> 00:03:09,820 Here, I'll show you. 86 00:03:09,821 --> 00:03:11,789 - Hey! - Jeffrey! Shame on you! 87 00:03:11,790 --> 00:03:14,058 "Hang back and study their tactics"? 88 00:03:14,059 --> 00:03:15,126 Let him get it out of his system. 89 00:03:15,127 --> 00:03:17,678 Ah, forget it. Let's just keep moving. 90 00:03:27,989 --> 00:03:29,106 Now what? 91 00:03:29,107 --> 00:03:31,158 Welcome to Hawkthorne. 92 00:03:31,159 --> 00:03:33,411 That's dad's voice. Dad? 93 00:03:33,412 --> 00:03:35,596 Piercinald, in 1980, 94 00:03:35,597 --> 00:03:38,449 you said that video games, not moist towelettes, 95 00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:40,084 were the business of the future. 96 00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:43,621 Today, moist towelettes are stocked in every supermarket, 97 00:03:43,622 --> 00:03:46,090 while arcade after arcade closes. 98 00:03:46,091 --> 00:03:47,174 He's got a point. 99 00:03:47,175 --> 00:03:48,893 Nevertheless, I designed this game 100 00:03:48,894 --> 00:03:50,294 to be played upon my death 101 00:03:50,295 --> 00:03:52,346 by you and whatever cabal of fruits, 102 00:03:52,347 --> 00:03:54,181 junkies, and sluts you call your friends. 103 00:03:54,182 --> 00:03:55,433 Her name is Britta. 104 00:03:55,434 --> 00:03:57,251 Only one player can win... 105 00:03:57,252 --> 00:04:00,404 the first to reach my throne inside Castle Hawkthorne. 106 00:04:00,405 --> 00:04:04,058 Their reward, Pierce, will be your inheritance. 107 00:04:04,059 --> 00:04:05,309 - What? - His inheritance? What? 108 00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:07,945 So you see, Pierce, turns out you were right. 109 00:04:07,946 --> 00:04:10,114 Video games are important. 110 00:04:12,484 --> 00:04:14,835 Worst son ever! 111 00:04:14,836 --> 00:04:17,188 Well, great. How do I fight you guys? 112 00:04:17,189 --> 00:04:18,205 Which button fights? 113 00:04:18,206 --> 00:04:21,142 - Pierce, stop. - Pierce, relax. 114 00:04:21,143 --> 00:04:22,609 Pierce, stay in the game, stay in the game. 115 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:23,777 Pierce, calm down. 116 00:04:23,778 --> 00:04:25,579 - Nobody's gonna fight you. - Why not? 117 00:04:25,580 --> 00:04:27,832 Because when you're friends with someone for three years, 118 00:04:27,833 --> 00:04:30,034 it's weird to steal their family's money. 119 00:04:30,035 --> 00:04:31,699 And there wouldn't be a lot of sport in beating you. 120 00:04:31,728 --> 00:04:33,340 - Look at yourself. - Yeah, he's right. 121 00:04:33,371 --> 00:04:35,372 You're playing the game wrong. 122 00:04:35,373 --> 00:04:37,424 Why is Harry Belafonte in here? 123 00:04:37,425 --> 00:04:38,492 It's Gilbert. 124 00:04:38,493 --> 00:04:39,493 You're not supposed to cooperate, 125 00:04:39,494 --> 00:04:40,828 you're supposed to compete. 126 00:04:40,829 --> 00:04:42,062 Thanks for the advice, 127 00:04:42,063 --> 00:04:44,064 but I think we can choose how we want to play. 128 00:04:44,065 --> 00:04:46,016 - I suppose we can. - Is he being ominous? 129 00:04:46,017 --> 00:04:47,518 Why are you being ominous? 130 00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:50,421 Whoa. We can pick stuff up? 131 00:04:50,422 --> 00:04:52,490 This game is more complex than you can imagine. 132 00:04:52,491 --> 00:04:54,525 And aside from its programmers, 133 00:04:54,526 --> 00:04:56,193 who have all been deported back to China, 134 00:04:56,194 --> 00:04:58,762 I'm the one who knows how it works. 135 00:04:59,948 --> 00:05:01,148 Run, run! He's gonna throw a knife! 136 00:05:01,149 --> 00:05:02,333 He's gonna throw a knife! Go! 137 00:05:02,334 --> 00:05:03,334 Jump! Jump! 138 00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:06,237 Wah! 139 00:05:08,990 --> 00:05:10,324 Wait! What are you...? 140 00:05:11,493 --> 00:05:13,494 He's a psychopath! He's suffo... 141 00:05:16,331 --> 00:05:17,932 Yeah. 142 00:05:17,933 --> 00:05:19,833 Hey, look, buddy, I know it must have sucked 143 00:05:19,834 --> 00:05:22,136 being colonel Sanders' manservant and all, 144 00:05:22,137 --> 00:05:23,503 but Pierce is technically our friend, 145 00:05:23,504 --> 00:05:25,389 and we're not gonna watch you screw him over. 146 00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:26,657 Perhaps you should be asking yourselves 147 00:05:26,658 --> 00:05:28,409 how you intend to stop me. 148 00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:30,945 How about if we come over there and kick your ass? 149 00:05:30,946 --> 00:05:32,346 Go get him, Troy. 150 00:05:32,347 --> 00:05:33,447 Be my guest. 151 00:05:33,448 --> 00:05:35,282 But 30 seconds after you leave your chairs, 152 00:05:35,283 --> 00:05:37,067 the weight sensors will recognize it 153 00:05:37,068 --> 00:05:38,402 as an automatic forfeit. 154 00:05:38,403 --> 00:05:40,070 Weight sensors? 155 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:43,073 That's it. Let's get that jag! 156 00:05:43,074 --> 00:05:44,375 - Yeah! - Get him! 157 00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:47,694 - Kick that hippie's ass! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 158 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:50,297 Let's go! Move, move, move! 159 00:05:52,851 --> 00:05:55,853 - I think he left a note. - What? 160 00:05:55,854 --> 00:05:57,721 "After you've squandered the last of your savings, 161 00:05:57,722 --> 00:05:59,189 "I'll watch you writhe, penniless, in the gutter, 162 00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:00,324 "through a telescope in the penthouse office 163 00:06:00,325 --> 00:06:01,325 of Hawthorne Tower." 164 00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:05,779 You can leave notes. This game is incredible. 165 00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:07,381 Pierce? 166 00:06:08,383 --> 00:06:09,383 - No, Pierce! - Please, no! 167 00:06:09,384 --> 00:06:10,484 We need you! 168 00:06:10,485 --> 00:06:11,819 Just let me die. 169 00:06:11,820 --> 00:06:14,138 Pierce, so Gilbert knows a couple tricks. 170 00:06:14,139 --> 00:06:16,373 Big deal. We outnumber him. 171 00:06:16,374 --> 00:06:19,043 And most importantly, while he's fighting for greed, 172 00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:20,778 we're fighting for friendship, 173 00:06:20,779 --> 00:06:23,080 which means we can't lose, okay? 174 00:06:23,081 --> 00:06:26,150 - Okay. - Okay! 175 00:06:28,578 --> 00:06:30,913 I guess there's no hug button. 176 00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:35,652 Everybody keep Pierce protected. 177 00:06:35,681 --> 00:06:38,783 We have to get him to the Throne of Hawkthorne before Gilbert. 178 00:06:38,893 --> 00:06:40,443 And don't forget, when you die, 179 00:06:40,444 --> 00:06:42,511 you go all the way back to the study room. 180 00:06:42,512 --> 00:06:44,480 So... Don't die. 181 00:06:44,481 --> 00:06:46,182 Good pep talk, Jeff. 182 00:06:46,183 --> 00:06:47,683 Yeah, I used to love dying, 183 00:06:47,684 --> 00:06:49,352 but that speech really turned me around. 184 00:06:49,353 --> 00:06:50,686 Whatever. 185 00:06:52,656 --> 00:06:54,507 What's that? Kill it! 186 00:06:54,508 --> 00:06:56,159 It's a girl milking a cow, Pierce. 187 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,360 I'll check it out. I owe Jeff that. 188 00:06:57,361 --> 00:06:59,846 I wasn't gonna say it. 189 00:06:59,847 --> 00:07:02,265 I am Hilda. I live in the village. 190 00:07:02,266 --> 00:07:03,883 - Lesbian. - Shh! 191 00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:08,408 I can help with that. 192 00:07:08,409 --> 00:07:10,457 I have information on many topics. 193 00:07:10,458 --> 00:07:11,841 Cool. 194 00:07:13,294 --> 00:07:15,828 The throne is in Castle Hawkthorne, north of here. 195 00:07:15,829 --> 00:07:18,815 You unlock the castle with the white crystal of discipline, 196 00:07:18,816 --> 00:07:20,750 which you must free from the black caverns. 197 00:07:20,751 --> 00:07:22,568 I'm picking up on some hidden symbolism. 198 00:07:22,569 --> 00:07:24,354 Right, "white crystal." 199 00:07:24,355 --> 00:07:25,772 You think dad was into meth? 200 00:07:25,773 --> 00:07:27,957 You can usually get supplies in a town like this. 201 00:07:27,958 --> 00:07:29,425 Man, why can't my mom be here? 202 00:07:29,426 --> 00:07:31,361 She always said my video game knowledge would come in handy. 203 00:07:31,362 --> 00:07:33,096 I never believed her. 204 00:07:33,097 --> 00:07:34,447 Everybody split up and take a hut. 205 00:07:34,448 --> 00:07:39,035 Our only chance of beating Gilbert is to cover more ground. 206 00:07:41,372 --> 00:07:44,090 I have information on the following topics. 207 00:07:46,093 --> 00:07:47,126 Holy crap. 208 00:07:47,127 --> 00:07:49,095 Where have you been my whole life? 209 00:07:51,115 --> 00:07:53,316 I buy and sell weapons and armor. 210 00:07:54,301 --> 00:07:55,818 Cool. We need weapons. 211 00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:59,539 Ooh. Well, what's free? 212 00:07:59,540 --> 00:08:00,589 Can we have a torch? 213 00:08:00,590 --> 00:08:02,308 - Thief! Thief! - Annie, put it back. 214 00:08:02,309 --> 00:08:04,644 Sorry. Sorry. 215 00:08:04,645 --> 00:08:05,979 Arr! Arr! 216 00:08:05,980 --> 00:08:06,980 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 217 00:08:06,981 --> 00:08:08,197 - Oh, my God. - Oh, oh! Oh, no! 218 00:08:08,198 --> 00:08:10,233 - What are you doing? - It was an accident! 219 00:08:10,234 --> 00:08:11,567 - Arrr! - He's dying! 220 00:08:11,568 --> 00:08:12,869 - Arrrrrr! - All right, hold on, hold on! 221 00:08:12,870 --> 00:08:14,654 Arrr! Arrr! 222 00:08:14,655 --> 00:08:16,239 Now what are you doing? 223 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:17,640 He was suffering! 224 00:08:17,641 --> 00:08:19,942 Yeah, from axe wounds! 225 00:08:19,943 --> 00:08:22,078 Well, if this isn't worth any points, what is? 226 00:08:22,079 --> 00:08:25,248 You're asking me? I'm still looking for a pong paddle. 227 00:08:25,249 --> 00:08:29,085 - Let's play poker. - Oh, now we're talking. 228 00:08:29,086 --> 00:08:30,903 Check the desk. I'll check the dresser. 229 00:08:30,904 --> 00:08:32,188 How do I straighten that painting? 230 00:08:32,189 --> 00:08:35,008 You can't. Stop playing like a girl. 231 00:08:37,261 --> 00:08:38,594 Stop playing like a girl? 232 00:08:38,595 --> 00:08:40,546 Here's the thing about women, Jeff. 233 00:08:40,547 --> 00:08:42,682 We don't hack and slash our way through life 234 00:08:42,683 --> 00:08:44,934 because we're one with life. 235 00:08:44,935 --> 00:08:47,820 - Help me hide the body. - Oh, my lord. Oh, my lord. 236 00:08:47,821 --> 00:08:50,139 Shirley, these things happen in video games. 237 00:08:50,140 --> 00:08:51,307 - They do? - Yes. 238 00:08:51,308 --> 00:08:53,642 We can't get hung up on real world morality. 239 00:08:53,643 --> 00:08:55,144 We need to survive and win. 240 00:08:55,145 --> 00:08:58,147 Hello, I'm the blacksmith's wife... Aah! Help! 241 00:08:58,148 --> 00:09:00,083 - Oh, crap! - Guard the door. 242 00:09:00,084 --> 00:09:01,501 What? 243 00:09:01,502 --> 00:09:02,518 Shirley! 244 00:09:02,519 --> 00:09:04,203 No witnesses! 245 00:09:04,204 --> 00:09:05,538 Grab everything you can carry. 246 00:09:05,539 --> 00:09:07,090 I'll check upstairs for any more family. 247 00:09:07,091 --> 00:09:08,841 Don't give me that look. These are your loose ends. 248 00:09:08,842 --> 00:09:10,410 I'm just tying 'em up. 249 00:09:10,411 --> 00:09:12,178 This is so cool. 250 00:09:12,179 --> 00:09:13,429 Where are your clothes? 251 00:09:13,430 --> 00:09:16,182 Pierce taught me poker. I'm not good at it. 252 00:09:16,183 --> 00:09:17,216 You still talking to this girl? 253 00:09:17,217 --> 00:09:18,634 Yeah, she only has three moves 254 00:09:18,635 --> 00:09:20,470 that you activate with basic patterns of stimulus. 255 00:09:20,471 --> 00:09:21,888 I've never felt this way before. 256 00:09:21,889 --> 00:09:23,639 - Abed, don't get weird. - Oh, I won't. 257 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:24,774 She's not ready for anything serious, 258 00:09:24,775 --> 00:09:26,342 but she wants me to meet her family. 259 00:09:26,343 --> 00:09:28,795 - My father is the blacksmith. - Her father's a blacksmith. 260 00:09:28,796 --> 00:09:31,280 - Hello! - Everybody go shopping? 261 00:09:31,281 --> 00:09:33,199 That's all we did. 262 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,317 Is that hut on fire? 263 00:09:34,318 --> 00:09:37,537 Oh, my. What an unexplained tragedy. 264 00:09:37,538 --> 00:09:40,156 Don't we look comfy at a cauldron. 265 00:09:40,157 --> 00:09:41,758 Check it out. 266 00:09:43,494 --> 00:09:45,411 Ooh, see, I'll put all of this in here, 267 00:09:45,412 --> 00:09:47,530 and then that, and then I'll hit this. 268 00:09:47,531 --> 00:09:49,198 What is it? 269 00:09:49,199 --> 00:09:50,867 I assume, like, a strength potion. 270 00:09:50,868 --> 00:09:52,418 Then I assume it's poison. 271 00:09:52,419 --> 00:09:54,053 You're just jealous because we found a world 272 00:09:54,054 --> 00:09:55,354 where I know what I'm doing. 273 00:09:55,355 --> 00:09:57,740 This place is 20 cat turds and a pixies poster 274 00:09:57,741 --> 00:09:59,408 from being your apartment. 275 00:10:01,745 --> 00:10:03,212 What's with the St. Pauli girl? 276 00:10:03,213 --> 00:10:05,548 Hilda's parents lived there. Now she has no family. 277 00:10:05,549 --> 00:10:06,949 She'll be forced to marry a male villager 278 00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:09,519 or take her chances in the wilderness. 279 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,088 What kind of game is this? 280 00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:14,290 - Oh, crap, it's Gilbert. - Well, well, well. 281 00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:16,042 Looks like someone's one step behind. 282 00:10:16,043 --> 00:10:18,461 Yeah, if you're looking for equipment, tough luck. 283 00:10:18,462 --> 00:10:21,097 The store was lost in a freak accident. 284 00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:22,498 I hardly need equipment, young lady. 285 00:10:22,499 --> 00:10:25,635 While you were shopping, I gained enough levels to do this. 286 00:10:25,636 --> 00:10:27,537 Uh-huh, come on and bring it! 287 00:10:27,538 --> 00:10:28,955 He's shooting lightning and I'm naked! 288 00:10:28,956 --> 00:10:30,239 Get behind us! We have armor! 289 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,740 Oh! Whoa! 290 00:10:31,741 --> 00:10:34,544 Aah! 291 00:10:34,545 --> 00:10:36,479 Oh, great! Gilbert! 292 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,031 Oh, great! Evil Jedi lightning Gilbert! 293 00:10:39,032 --> 00:10:40,633 Oh! 294 00:10:40,634 --> 00:10:43,920 Britta, drink that super strength potion you made. 295 00:10:43,921 --> 00:10:45,054 Oh, right, right, right, right. 296 00:10:45,055 --> 00:10:46,255 Hurry up, Britta! 297 00:10:46,256 --> 00:10:47,773 I'm trying, I'm trying! Aah! 298 00:10:47,774 --> 00:10:49,859 Damn it, I thought we could count on Britta 299 00:10:49,860 --> 00:10:51,811 to not screw up drinking. 300 00:10:51,812 --> 00:10:53,196 This'll be fun. 301 00:10:54,765 --> 00:10:56,799 What the hell? 302 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,167 Here's hoping we can count on her 303 00:10:58,168 --> 00:11:00,102 to screw up making potions. 304 00:11:07,661 --> 00:11:09,228 Unbelievable. 305 00:11:09,229 --> 00:11:11,948 Jeff bet all our lives on Britta and won, 306 00:11:11,949 --> 00:11:15,218 and I lost my pants to a pair of nines. 307 00:11:19,590 --> 00:11:22,175 Very well. 308 00:11:22,176 --> 00:11:24,977 Let's play. 309 00:11:34,446 --> 00:11:36,445 Abed, are you sure about this? 310 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,373 Yeah. It just feels like the right thing to do. 311 00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:40,464 Hey, I made it back. 312 00:11:40,528 --> 00:11:42,696 You guys never died. How did you beat Gilbert? 313 00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:44,265 Oh, you know. Teamwork. 314 00:11:44,297 --> 00:11:45,715 We were headed for the black caves 315 00:11:45,737 --> 00:11:46,922 to find the white crystal. 316 00:11:46,937 --> 00:11:48,304 We were just saying goodbye to Abed. 317 00:11:48,328 --> 00:11:49,698 I'm gonna stay here in the village with Hilda 318 00:11:49,728 --> 00:11:50,703 and help her rebuild her life. 319 00:11:50,737 --> 00:11:52,371 Abed, she's a program. 320 00:11:52,449 --> 00:11:54,027 People have said similar things about me. 321 00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:55,675 Uh-oh. He's playing the rain man card. 322 00:11:55,707 --> 00:11:56,582 Let's bounce. 323 00:11:56,607 --> 00:11:58,208 I've got an inheritance to win. 324 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,567 Offensive. Called it. 325 00:12:05,568 --> 00:12:06,568 Shut up, Britta. 326 00:12:10,073 --> 00:12:11,773 You did great in there, Jeff. 327 00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:12,908 Shut up, Pierce. 328 00:12:17,497 --> 00:12:20,115 Okay, duck. Stay ducked. 329 00:12:20,116 --> 00:12:21,816 Okay, unduck. 330 00:12:21,817 --> 00:12:23,619 Okay, now jump. 331 00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:24,870 I think we're almost there. 332 00:12:24,871 --> 00:12:27,322 Thank God. This cave is the worst. 333 00:12:27,323 --> 00:12:28,990 I know, I don't know what's more offensive... 334 00:12:28,991 --> 00:12:31,426 the actual racism or the insulting notion 335 00:12:31,427 --> 00:12:33,095 that it might somehow rub off on us. 336 00:12:34,097 --> 00:12:35,347 Look out! Jive turkeys! 337 00:12:35,348 --> 00:12:37,132 Kill them before they start multiplying! 338 00:12:39,018 --> 00:12:42,170 - Yeah, suck on this! - Take that, jive turkey! 339 00:12:48,978 --> 00:12:50,262 All right! The white crystal! 340 00:12:50,263 --> 00:12:51,280 - Whoo! - Yeah! 341 00:12:51,281 --> 00:12:52,281 - Get it! - Get it! 342 00:12:52,282 --> 00:12:53,348 I'll take it. 343 00:12:53,349 --> 00:12:56,685 I've earned it by having friends. 344 00:12:58,872 --> 00:12:59,888 This is it. 345 00:13:00,874 --> 00:13:01,890 It certainly is. 346 00:13:01,891 --> 00:13:03,408 - No, man! - You again? 347 00:13:03,409 --> 00:13:04,409 Now I'll have that crystal. 348 00:13:04,410 --> 00:13:05,410 I think you'll have this. 349 00:13:06,412 --> 00:13:07,446 Whoops. 350 00:13:07,447 --> 00:13:08,797 Arrows! 351 00:13:10,166 --> 00:13:11,717 What? Come on! 352 00:13:14,003 --> 00:13:15,087 Where'd you get all that stuff? 353 00:13:15,088 --> 00:13:16,955 You've only been alive for an hour. 354 00:13:22,462 --> 00:13:23,478 Well, that was not fair. 355 00:13:23,479 --> 00:13:24,713 What the hell, Gilbert? 356 00:13:24,714 --> 00:13:27,399 You're cheating, which I have no problem with, 357 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,351 but you're getting caught, and that's not cool! 358 00:13:29,352 --> 00:13:30,352 Yeah, don't be a knob. 359 00:13:30,353 --> 00:13:33,047 That inheritance is rightfully mine! 360 00:13:33,093 --> 00:13:33,930 Rightfully? 361 00:13:33,958 --> 00:13:35,107 I'm his son. 362 00:13:35,132 --> 00:13:39,490 - So am I. - Oh. 363 00:13:39,562 --> 00:13:42,643 What? That can't be true. 364 00:13:42,785 --> 00:13:45,742 - You're half... white. - Nice save. 365 00:13:45,785 --> 00:13:48,119 Do you remember your childhood nanny, Etta? 366 00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:50,903 Well, Etta had a hot cousin. 367 00:13:51,246 --> 00:13:52,913 My mother. 368 00:13:53,228 --> 00:13:55,780 So you see, Pierce, 369 00:13:55,782 --> 00:13:58,383 I am your half-brother, 370 00:13:58,384 --> 00:14:01,153 and I am more your father's son than you ever were, 371 00:14:01,154 --> 00:14:03,822 so shut up and play the game. 372 00:14:03,823 --> 00:14:06,908 - Why you... - Let's go, Pierce. 373 00:14:08,744 --> 00:14:11,052 Okay, look, I know things seem hopeless 374 00:14:11,073 --> 00:14:13,175 because he's all the way to the castle with the crystal 375 00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:14,395 and we're starting over, 376 00:14:14,417 --> 00:14:15,851 but here's the thing... 377 00:14:15,852 --> 00:14:17,454 we're better at this game now. 378 00:14:17,475 --> 00:14:20,366 We've died and been reborn, and that makes us heroes. 379 00:14:21,156 --> 00:14:22,424 - Charge! - Let's get him! 380 00:14:41,611 --> 00:14:42,944 I guess the fact that we're still playing 381 00:14:42,945 --> 00:14:44,279 means he hasn't won yet. 382 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:45,814 Yeah, but what's the point? 383 00:14:45,815 --> 00:14:48,316 He'll just keep cheating until he wins. 384 00:14:48,317 --> 00:14:51,152 Why are all the trees cut down? 385 00:14:51,153 --> 00:14:55,841 Isn't this where Abed's village was? 386 00:14:55,842 --> 00:14:57,859 - Hello, old friends. - Abed! 387 00:14:57,860 --> 00:14:58,910 You remember Hilda. 388 00:14:58,911 --> 00:15:01,479 I live in the village. I love Abed. 389 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,064 Did she just say your name? 390 00:15:03,065 --> 00:15:04,549 Yeah, if you max out a character's trust 391 00:15:04,550 --> 00:15:05,867 and affection levels, you can gain access 392 00:15:05,868 --> 00:15:06,968 to a front-end scripting language. 393 00:15:06,969 --> 00:15:07,953 Watch. 394 00:15:10,606 --> 00:15:12,173 Cool cool cool! 395 00:15:12,174 --> 00:15:13,542 She can make babies for me. 396 00:15:13,543 --> 00:15:14,543 Oh, and I can't? 397 00:15:14,544 --> 00:15:16,211 I can't. 398 00:15:16,212 --> 00:15:17,345 Come on inside. 399 00:15:17,346 --> 00:15:18,346 I built this from scratch. 400 00:15:18,347 --> 00:15:19,347 Check out my castle. 401 00:15:19,348 --> 00:15:20,348 - Oh, it's nice. - Wow. 402 00:15:20,349 --> 00:15:21,549 I hope this isn't blood gold. 403 00:15:21,550 --> 00:15:22,851 This is my family. 404 00:15:22,852 --> 00:15:24,603 Baby Abed has my eyes and her bonnet. 405 00:15:24,604 --> 00:15:26,404 Each baby is capable of executing custom code, 406 00:15:26,405 --> 00:15:27,722 which means you can write a code 407 00:15:27,723 --> 00:15:29,557 that makes one baby tell another baby what to do, 408 00:15:29,558 --> 00:15:31,192 much like real children on a playground. 409 00:15:31,193 --> 00:15:32,560 Oh, Abed, but... 410 00:15:32,561 --> 00:15:34,228 Annie, let's find the tin man's heart later. 411 00:15:34,229 --> 00:15:36,114 Abed, how much stuff do you have here 412 00:15:36,115 --> 00:15:37,198 and what can we make with it? 413 00:15:37,199 --> 00:15:39,167 - That depends. - On? 414 00:15:39,168 --> 00:15:40,952 On what you can imagine. 415 00:15:40,953 --> 00:15:42,954 Cool, cool, cool. 416 00:15:46,509 --> 00:15:47,893 Welcome, 417 00:15:47,894 --> 00:15:51,129 you are the first to make it to the Throne of Hawkthorne. 418 00:15:51,130 --> 00:15:53,615 Let me take a look at you. 419 00:15:53,616 --> 00:15:55,750 According to your complexion, 420 00:15:55,751 --> 00:15:58,720 I think you might be Gilbert Lawson. 421 00:15:58,721 --> 00:16:00,755 Is this true? 422 00:16:00,756 --> 00:16:01,756 Just a moment. 423 00:16:01,757 --> 00:16:02,857 Hello, Gilbert. 424 00:16:02,858 --> 00:16:05,093 Due to the nature of our relationship, 425 00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:07,162 I'll need your electronic signature 426 00:16:07,163 --> 00:16:09,264 on this legally-binding agreement. 427 00:16:10,266 --> 00:16:12,500 It dictates that you will never, ever 428 00:16:12,501 --> 00:16:15,870 besmirch the Hawthorne name with any outlandish notions 429 00:16:15,871 --> 00:16:18,540 regarding you genealogical origins. 430 00:16:18,541 --> 00:16:21,643 You are the bastard offspring of a colored seductress 431 00:16:21,644 --> 00:16:24,029 and an unknown, weak-willed miscegenist... 432 00:16:31,737 --> 00:16:34,940 It's a simple question, Gilbert. 433 00:16:34,941 --> 00:16:37,976 Do you agree? 434 00:16:39,428 --> 00:16:43,014 Thank you for being honest, Gilbert. 435 00:16:43,015 --> 00:16:45,250 No! 436 00:16:45,251 --> 00:16:47,786 I'm your son! 437 00:16:47,787 --> 00:16:49,104 I'm sorry, Gilbert. 438 00:16:49,105 --> 00:16:51,740 I always knew you'd disappoint me. 439 00:16:51,741 --> 00:16:54,326 Cool cool cool! Cool cool cool! 440 00:16:54,327 --> 00:16:57,312 Ah, I see you've chosen teamwork. 441 00:16:57,313 --> 00:16:59,381 A coward's strategy. 442 00:16:59,382 --> 00:17:02,484 I will upgrade your challenge accordingly. 443 00:17:08,374 --> 00:17:12,577 I bequeath my fortune to no inferiors. 444 00:17:15,431 --> 00:17:17,165 - Yeah! - Attack! 445 00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:19,417 What's this now? 446 00:17:19,418 --> 00:17:21,136 Whoo hoo hoo hoo! Here we go! 447 00:17:21,137 --> 00:17:23,938 Get him! Aim for the joints! 448 00:17:23,939 --> 00:17:24,939 Cool cool cool! Cool cool cool! 449 00:17:24,940 --> 00:17:26,107 - Take that! - Get him! 450 00:17:26,108 --> 00:17:27,976 Die, racism! 451 00:17:32,281 --> 00:17:34,482 Yeah! 452 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,821 Take that! 453 00:17:39,822 --> 00:17:42,857 - Aah! - Aah! Oh, no! Aah! 454 00:17:44,377 --> 00:17:49,214 Hey! Look at me now, dad! 455 00:17:50,549 --> 00:17:52,584 Aah! 456 00:18:03,779 --> 00:18:06,731 I suppose you're wondering, player, 457 00:18:06,732 --> 00:18:11,419 why record myself breathing weird 458 00:18:11,420 --> 00:18:15,090 and letting you destroy me. 459 00:18:15,091 --> 00:18:19,461 Because I am a man of honor. 460 00:18:19,462 --> 00:18:24,099 So you've earned the pleasure of my death. 461 00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:25,667 But I didn't. 462 00:18:25,668 --> 00:18:27,368 I'm not the one that beat you. 463 00:18:27,369 --> 00:18:29,754 Yes, you are. 464 00:18:29,755 --> 00:18:31,906 We're forfeiting. 465 00:18:31,907 --> 00:18:34,959 Warning. Player forfeit in 30. 466 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,077 Gilbert, you're right. 467 00:18:36,078 --> 00:18:37,679 You were more his son than me. 468 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,347 You took all his crap 469 00:18:39,348 --> 00:18:41,049 and you didn't even get to take his name. 470 00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:45,586 He once sat on me in church just so he could see better. 471 00:18:45,587 --> 00:18:48,089 We've only been playing this game a couple of hours. 472 00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:50,692 You've been playing it your whole life, 473 00:18:50,693 --> 00:18:53,945 and now it's time for your reward, brother. 474 00:18:53,946 --> 00:18:56,898 So get in there and kill our dad. 475 00:18:56,899 --> 00:19:00,401 Thank you, Pierce. 476 00:19:00,402 --> 00:19:02,654 Wait a second. Here, take this. 477 00:19:02,655 --> 00:19:03,655 - Oh! - Whoa! 478 00:19:03,656 --> 00:19:05,240 - You may need it. - Oh, Pierce. 479 00:19:05,241 --> 00:19:07,709 You really don't know how this works, do you? 480 00:19:07,710 --> 00:19:09,461 Are you always carrying that? 481 00:19:09,462 --> 00:19:10,778 Not in the shower. 482 00:19:22,424 --> 00:19:24,309 I'd like to thank you again for today 483 00:19:24,310 --> 00:19:26,794 and offer my apologies for my conduct. 484 00:19:26,795 --> 00:19:28,229 I wasn't myself. 485 00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:31,299 Family can make a person do a lot of crazy things. 486 00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:34,135 I understand. I have an uncle who makes his own pizza. 487 00:19:34,136 --> 00:19:35,820 - Don't worry about it. - Yeah, totally. 488 00:19:35,821 --> 00:19:38,106 If it would make it up to any of you in any way, 489 00:19:38,107 --> 00:19:39,640 there's a bar in town called Skeepers, 490 00:19:39,641 --> 00:19:41,409 and I hear they make a specialty drink... 491 00:19:41,410 --> 00:19:44,645 a Margarita, in fact, and it's served in a glass 492 00:19:44,646 --> 00:19:46,781 an entire yard long. 493 00:19:46,782 --> 00:19:48,783 - My treat. - Score. 494 00:19:48,784 --> 00:19:51,085 This is the greatest day of my life. 495 00:19:51,086 --> 00:19:53,254 I've always wanted to have a brother. 496 00:19:53,255 --> 00:19:55,874 Hey, hey, settle a bet. 497 00:19:55,875 --> 00:20:00,178 The word "mulatto," is it okay or just borderline? 498 00:20:00,179 --> 00:20:03,164 - We apologize for him. - Oh, that's okay. He's family. 499 00:20:14,127 --> 00:20:17,379 Hilda, my love, I said I'd come back for you. 500 00:20:23,901 --> 00:20:25,501 I just think that in a parallel universe, 501 00:20:25,502 --> 00:20:27,236 - Blorgons are... - Hold on. 502 00:20:27,789 --> 00:20:30,819 A baby. I wasn't expecting this. 503 00:20:31,633 --> 00:20:33,121 Guess we'll have to support it. 504 00:20:33,182 --> 00:20:34,582 I guess I could get some kind of job, 505 00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:35,522 maybe at Beans and More. 506 00:20:35,561 --> 00:20:37,030 I'll probably have to work double shifts, but... 507 00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:38,744 oh, I see. 508 00:20:38,887 --> 00:20:40,921 While you're off, climbing the ladder at Beans and More, 509 00:20:40,922 --> 00:20:42,149 I'll just stay home and raise him alone. 510 00:20:42,181 --> 00:20:43,664 That's fine. I'll just give up on my dreams. 511 00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:45,276 - Here we go. - What? 512 00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:48,179 He needs to learn a strong man can cry. 513 00:20:55,382 --> 00:20:56,885 So, what were you saying about Blorgons? 514 00:20:56,897 --> 00:20:58,582 Blorgons... in this other universe, 515 00:20:58,621 --> 00:21:00,766 they're actually called Glorbons.