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www.tvsubtitles.net

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A new day has dawn
at Greendale Community College.

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Some said we'd never
bounce back

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after the unfortunate events
of the Star-Burns wake riot

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instigated
by the Greendale Seven.

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But today the guilty parties
have been expelled,

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enrollment is up,

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and tuition is more affordable
than ever.

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And the architect
of this modern-day miracle?

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Security chief
Benjamin Franklin Chang,

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a man who has brought security,
harmony,

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and success to what
is fast becoming

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the area's
premier community college.

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Greendale's never been better.
Thanks, Chang.

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You see?
It's not the real Dean.

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Of course.

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The head of security
at Greendale Community College

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has kidnapped the Dean

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and replaced him
with a deanel-ganger.

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Well, when you say it
that way, it sounds ridiculous.

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Yeah, the word we used
was doppel-deaner.

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Look, I hate cops.

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You have to do something.

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Isn't this a felony?

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Chang is holding a man
against his will.

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The real Dean
never would have expelled us.

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He loved us.

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Unfortunately,
love is not admissible evidence.

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Oh...

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I'm working on a cop opera.

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Cop-ra!

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Police-ical!

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Fine.
We'll get some proof.

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No, you won't.

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If I catch any of you
within 50 feet

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of Greendale,
I'll throw you all in jail.

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Thanks for the hot water.

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Wait, cop-ra!

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Sync and corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com

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- I'm watching you.
- Move along.

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How's the planning going

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for my birthday
Chang-stravaganza?

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The magician's booked,
and the invitations went out

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to the school board
and the budweiser frogs.

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Perfect.

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Yeah, um, one little snag.

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See, we're kind of running out
of money,

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what with all the students
dropping out

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and the cost of your throne.

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It's a prescription throne.

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I have back mumps.

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Don't look it up.
It's rare.

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But you might be right.

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We should free up some revenue
for entertainment at the party.

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Where's my deanel-Chang-er?

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Fire the custodial staff.

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Okay. Cool.

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Do you think I could get out
a little early?

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My wife's getting
her braces off, and I...

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- No.
- Okay.

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I love how binoculars
make far away things

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seem like they're close.

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- They're like...
- Telephones for your eyes.

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Snagged one of those flyers.

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First Chang kidnaps the Dean,

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and now he throws himself
a birthday party?

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It's just like Stalin
back in Russia times.

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Dance-off?
Sundae bar?

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One of those Ed Hardy
street magicians?

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What kind of monster would...
Photo booth with props!

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Chang's got to be holding
the Dean on campus,

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but there's no way we're
gonna get past those guards.

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We need somebody on the inside.

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I may know a guy.

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And the air-conditioning
repair annex won't admit

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to any knowledge
of what's going on.

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But the fact is,
wherever there is air,

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we have eyes.

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Gross.

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Suffice it to say,

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if Chang were holding
your Dean captive,

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it'd be pretty foolish
to hold him on campus.

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It'd be even more foolish to
hold him in a central air room

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in the cafeteria,
which we monitor.

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Oh, no, Jeffrey.
Looks like PB and J again.

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You win the bet.

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So he's
in the cafeteria building?

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Suppose he is.
In the basement.

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And suppose you wanted
to get to him.

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Suppose you actually managed
to make it

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past the guards at the front,

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there's 50 more inside,
armed to the teeth

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with stun batons
and misplaced sexual aggression.

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Let's say you happen
to get past them

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and then you get to meet
Chang's number one,

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Joshua,

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a 4'10", 105-pound bucket
of piss and zit cream.

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I cannot express to you how much
I hate this kid.

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Now, beyond that dog sneeze
in a pair of reeboks,

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you're gonna find
a state-of-the-art

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keypad on the basement door.

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And just for extra fun,
they change the code every day,

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and the only copy is locked up
in Chang's office.

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Now, just for a lark,
let's pretend

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you actually make it down
to the basement door.

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Who is there to greet you?

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Another guard and another lock

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to which there is only one key.

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And where is that key?

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Well where is it?

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Oh, sorry,
it's very clear in my head.

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Key's around Chang's neck.

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The point is, you're not getting
down there without our help.

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So help us.

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We have no horse in this race,

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but... there is
one thing we want.

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Not a lot of people
get a second chance.

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Just you and probably Obama.

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Give it some thought.

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Great, so according
to Troy's intel,

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Greendale is impregnable.

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- So what do we do?
- Only one answer.

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Elaborate heist?
Elaborate heist?

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We'll need disguises.

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I do a great swami.

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Of course it works
best with a cobra,

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but if you guys cut me
a length of garden hose...

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Are we all forgetting
that if we get caught

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on that campus, we go to jail?

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Do you know how long someone
as sarcastic as I am

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would last in prison?

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Such a long time.

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There's got to be
a practical way to do this.

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There is another way in.

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If I enroll in the AC school,
they'll help us.

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We could walk in and out.

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It'll mean I'll have
to move out of here

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and into AC school housing,

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and I won't be able to hang out
with you guys anymore,

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or have a relationship,
or use the word

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"sensational" for some reason.

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Troy, we are not losing you
to save the Dean

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or Greendale...
Or anything, ever.

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Don't be so dramatic, Troy.
The answer is simple.

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We just have to plan
an elaborate heist.

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- Yes.
- Great, I'll get my turban.

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Everyone except Pierce has
to plan an elaborate heist.

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Happy birthday, Ben.
On behalf of the school board.

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Shower organizer?
Are you guys psychic?

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Well you deserve it.
You have worked wonders here.

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Oh, you boners.

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Now go party your butts off.

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Your butt could use it, Richie.

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Listen up, men.

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Keep an extra deep lookout
for the Greendale Seven.

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I won't have them ruining
my 25th birthday.

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Yes, sir.

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By the way,
your cake just arrived.

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Shirley will enter first

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through the loading dock
disguised as the chef.

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From there, she'll head
into the kitchen.

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You had time to build
a tiny working water fountain,

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and I'm a pinecone?

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Once in,
she'll unload the goods.

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This girl in Chicago
won't stop facebooking me.

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Looks like j-swag's
going deep dish.

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Then it's time for phase two...

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Toilet trouble.

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Oh, crap!
Someone call a plumber!

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Sounds like
you schnooks got a flood

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the size of my wife's
attitude problem.

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Whoa, you guys aren't
the usual plumbers.

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Oh, Mr. Brand Loyalty
over here.

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Okay, okay,
why don't you two slap-arounds

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give me your names
for the report

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in case Chang wants to know
why his birthday party

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turned into the frickin'
Poseidon adventure.

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Okay, okay.
Follow me then.

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Finally.
Oof baboof with you two.

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Here's your problem.

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You people gotta
start chewin' your food.

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We may have to tap into
the hydraulic flap valve,

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so don't be alarmed if things
get a little noisy.

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Like my wife's mouth.

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If we can break through this
wall and into Chang's office,

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then we'll have access
to the basement door codes.

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Meanwhile, I'll take care
of cancelling the magician.

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Yeah, sorry, Mr. Nightshade,
gig's canceled.

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How's it coming
with the guard?

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Boys are pathetic.

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Two days of facebooking
with this Joshua kid

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and he's eating out
of my hands.

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"Got a new flavor of lip balm.

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Meet me at Chili's
in ten minutes."

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Sheep.

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Um, I just want to reiterate
that this should be

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the only time you seduce
a child over the internet.

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I know.

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Chili's? Sick!

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Hey, bro, you watch my post?

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Yeah, whatever. 'Sup.

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I'm in.

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Cue the abra cadabra.

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Is that me
in my swami disguise?

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No, Pierce, for the last time,
you're in the getaway van

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because your swami act
is notoriously horrible.

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"A," that is racist.

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"B," swamis can't drive...
they're Indians.

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Pierce, just do your part.

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Leave the entertainment
to Britta and me.

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Ricky Nightshade,
the rock and roll magician.

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I'm starting.
I need a volunteer.

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00:09:14,057 --> 00:09:18,360
I'll kill anyone who raises
their hand.

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Pick a card and look at it.

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Strap him!

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I'm in.

217
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Okay,
it was just my head before,

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but now I'm really in.

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Bingo.

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4-1-2-6.

221
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I'm in.
Where's the key?

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00:10:08,111 --> 00:10:09,828
- I'm in.
- I know.

223
00:10:09,829 --> 00:10:11,780
Well, everybody
else got to say it.

224
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Is this your card?

225
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Huh?

226
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,705
I don't remember.

227
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Nightshade, nightshade!

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Greetings, greetings,
baba ghanoush.

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00:10:28,631 --> 00:10:30,432
Take me to the birthday boy.

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Wait a minute.

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Pierce?

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00:10:33,836 --> 00:10:35,854
No, not knowing this Pierce.

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I... I am a mystical swami.

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I come to boogie down,
I'm boogying down.

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Hey!

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Jeff, we've been made.

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Cover me!

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00:10:44,647 --> 00:10:47,015
Winger!

239
00:10:48,351 --> 00:10:49,517
No!

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00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:50,652
Everything all right, Ben?

241
00:10:50,653 --> 00:10:52,704
Peachy keen, Avril Lavigne.

242
00:10:52,705 --> 00:10:56,708
Nathan, tell me
you got eyes on the Dean.

243
00:10:56,709 --> 00:10:59,711
Negative, the pixie has left
the toadstool.

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No! Where's my monitor?

245
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Gotcha.

246
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,037
Code Chang.

247
00:11:09,038 --> 00:11:11,723
All units converge
on the south library hallway.

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00:11:11,724 --> 00:11:13,892
The best part of the plan
is that at a certain point,

249
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it's going to look like
the plan is failing.

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00:11:16,712 --> 00:11:18,180
But that's when
it's going to turn out that

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the failing plan
was all part of the plan.

252
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Hey, Johnny Passerby,
this job's getting bigger

253
00:11:43,423 --> 00:11:45,424
than my wife's credit card bill
at Marshalls.

254
00:11:45,425 --> 00:11:46,925
I mean, they got great stuff,
I know that.

255
00:11:46,926 --> 00:11:49,261
Anyway, I'm going to need
your Dean for approval.

256
00:11:49,262 --> 00:11:52,414
Craig.
Is that "a-I" or "I-a"?

257
00:11:52,415 --> 00:11:53,932
I always forget.

258
00:11:55,301 --> 00:11:58,020
Oof baboof, I spilled
plumber's acid all over yous.

259
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,254
What do I do?
What do I do?

260
00:11:59,255 --> 00:12:00,422
Take off your clothes.

261
00:12:00,423 --> 00:12:02,090
Nathan, tell me you got eyes
on the Dean.

262
00:12:02,091 --> 00:12:04,776
Negative, the pixie has left
the toadstool.

263
00:12:04,777 --> 00:12:09,564
Repeat, the pixie has left
the toadstool.

264
00:12:11,234 --> 00:12:12,234
Jeffrey!

265
00:12:12,235 --> 00:12:13,902
Oh... Hey, Britta.

266
00:12:15,905 --> 00:12:17,706
How the Chang?

267
00:12:17,707 --> 00:12:19,408
I'm contaminated
with plumber's acid,

268
00:12:19,409 --> 00:12:23,412
but it's okay, they're coming
back with a lotion.

269
00:12:36,342 --> 00:12:40,062
Sar-cas-tic claps.

270
00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:41,563
Pretty clever.

271
00:12:41,564 --> 00:12:43,315
A plan that looked
like it failed,

272
00:12:43,316 --> 00:12:44,799
and then turned out to work.

273
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,269
Too bad your real plan
really failed.

274
00:12:48,571 --> 00:12:49,738
What's so funny?

275
00:12:49,739 --> 00:12:51,239
You idiot.

276
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,909
The plan was for the plan
to seem like it was failing.

277
00:12:53,910 --> 00:12:54,910
You think you caught us,

278
00:12:54,911 --> 00:12:56,978
but we've already made it out
with the real Dean.

279
00:12:56,979 --> 00:12:58,830
Ocean's eleven, baby.

280
00:12:58,831 --> 00:13:02,650
Pierce, I'm the real Dean.

281
00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:04,419
Getting caught the first time
was part of the plan.

282
00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:07,255
This time is because we suck.

283
00:13:07,256 --> 00:13:09,491
Shirley, where the hell
did you come from?

284
00:13:17,733 --> 00:13:20,101
- You can't hold us here forever.
- I don't need to, Winger.

285
00:13:20,102 --> 00:13:21,486
I just wouldn't want you
to leave before

286
00:13:21,487 --> 00:13:23,571
the big fireworks show.

287
00:13:23,572 --> 00:13:24,772
Fireworks show?

288
00:13:24,773 --> 00:13:26,824
It's a surprise
for the end of the night

289
00:13:26,825 --> 00:13:28,276
planned by the "Dean."

290
00:13:28,277 --> 00:13:29,977
Only, silly Dean,

291
00:13:29,978 --> 00:13:33,281
he stored all the fireworks
in the records room. Aw.

292
00:13:33,282 --> 00:13:35,083
And when the works
"accidentally" go off

293
00:13:35,084 --> 00:13:37,752
when I hit the final note
on my awesome keytar solo,

294
00:13:37,753 --> 00:13:39,153
they'll burn up
the school's records

295
00:13:39,154 --> 00:13:40,872
and all evidence of my misdeeds.

296
00:13:40,873 --> 00:13:43,491
Chang, you're insane.
You're still into keytar?

297
00:13:43,492 --> 00:13:45,510
We're going to tell the board
what you did!

298
00:13:45,511 --> 00:13:46,511
We're going
to tell the board what you...

299
00:13:46,512 --> 00:13:47,678
You think they'll believe

300
00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:49,297
the Greendale Seven
and the worst Dean ever

301
00:13:49,298 --> 00:13:51,165
over the guy who just nailed
an awesome solo?

302
00:13:51,166 --> 00:13:54,302
You're going to burn down
the school and kill everyone!

303
00:13:54,303 --> 00:13:56,187
Fire can't go through doors,
stupid.

304
00:13:56,188 --> 00:13:58,940
It's not a ghost.

305
00:14:01,110 --> 00:14:03,344
I know this is a bit
of a long shot,

306
00:14:03,345 --> 00:14:06,114
but I don't suppose any of you
paid my rent?

307
00:14:06,115 --> 00:14:09,450
Thank you, everyone,
for joining in my celebration.

308
00:14:09,451 --> 00:14:13,521
As many of you know,
I ate my twin sister in utero.

309
00:14:13,522 --> 00:14:16,624
So on my birthday,
I try to remember

310
00:14:16,625 --> 00:14:18,876
I'm a winner.

311
00:14:18,877 --> 00:14:21,045
This one's for you, Connie.

312
00:14:26,135 --> 00:14:29,337
And a-one, a-two,
a Chang, Chang, Chang-four.

313
00:14:34,676 --> 00:14:36,027
We're all going to die.

314
00:14:36,028 --> 00:14:37,028
We have to get out of here.

315
00:14:37,029 --> 00:14:39,464
How?

316
00:15:00,068 --> 00:15:01,402
It's a miracle.

317
00:15:01,403 --> 00:15:02,403
- What?

318
00:15:02,404 --> 00:15:03,404
- Yes!
- Let's get out of here!

319
00:15:03,405 --> 00:15:04,572
Come on, come on, come on.

320
00:15:04,573 --> 00:15:07,258
No, Troy, you didn't...

321
00:15:07,259 --> 00:15:10,595
There's no time.
We gotta go.

322
00:15:21,023 --> 00:15:23,441
Six guards, two on scooters.

323
00:15:23,442 --> 00:15:24,575
Chang started his solo.

324
00:15:24,576 --> 00:15:25,943
Knowing him,
that gives us only nine minutes

325
00:15:25,944 --> 00:15:26,944
to get to the records room.

326
00:15:26,945 --> 00:15:28,112
We'll need a distraction.

327
00:15:28,113 --> 00:15:31,399
You heard the lady.
Take your tops off.

328
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:32,984
I might have something.

329
00:15:32,985 --> 00:15:34,452
To supplement
Greendale's budget,

330
00:15:34,453 --> 00:15:36,821
I've been renting the school out
for raves on the weekend.

331
00:15:36,822 --> 00:15:38,456
They call it "academania."

332
00:15:38,457 --> 00:15:41,626
It's mostly hard house,
some... some dubstep,

333
00:15:41,627 --> 00:15:42,877
- but totally...
- Perfect.

334
00:15:42,878 --> 00:15:44,128
Troy and Abed,
you make a run for it.

335
00:15:44,129 --> 00:15:46,631
Dean,
I think it's time to party.

336
00:15:46,632 --> 00:15:49,950
Hmm.

337
00:15:49,951 --> 00:15:51,953
Hey, what the freak?

338
00:15:51,954 --> 00:15:53,304
What's going on?

339
00:15:53,305 --> 00:15:55,973
- No! No! No!

340
00:15:55,974 --> 00:15:58,142
- You weigh nothing!
- I can't see them.

341
00:15:58,143 --> 00:16:03,014
They're too many of them.

342
00:16:03,015 --> 00:16:04,482
- Oof.
- Baboof.

343
00:16:08,987 --> 00:16:10,071
Which wire do I cut?

344
00:16:10,072 --> 00:16:11,689
There's only one.

345
00:16:11,690 --> 00:16:14,308
God, I hope I'm right.

346
00:16:27,005 --> 00:16:29,323
Study group!

347
00:16:30,759 --> 00:16:33,628
You did it!
So we're done, right?

348
00:16:33,629 --> 00:16:36,163
We're done?
Done? Done? Done?

349
00:16:36,164 --> 00:16:37,465
Not done.

350
00:16:37,466 --> 00:16:40,434
You foiled me for the last time.

351
00:16:45,173 --> 00:16:49,677
So, it ends as it began.

352
00:16:49,678 --> 00:16:51,145
It didn't begin this way.

353
00:16:51,146 --> 00:16:53,180
What the hell's going on
in here?

354
00:16:53,181 --> 00:16:55,366
Hey, fellas.

355
00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:57,285
I just caught
the Greendale Seven

356
00:16:57,286 --> 00:16:58,953
trying to burn down
the school.

357
00:16:58,954 --> 00:17:01,656
I'm a hero.
How about that cake?

358
00:17:01,657 --> 00:17:03,541
He's lying.
He kidnapped the Dean.

359
00:17:03,542 --> 00:17:05,693
Yeah, we gathered that much
when we found these two

360
00:17:05,694 --> 00:17:06,911
slap-fighting in the hallway.

361
00:17:06,912 --> 00:17:08,045
You stole my life!

362
00:17:08,046 --> 00:17:12,133
It is hard out there
for a fake Moby!

363
00:17:12,134 --> 00:17:16,337
Carl, Richie,
let me ex-Chang.

364
00:17:18,473 --> 00:17:22,343
I'm not getting paid,
am I?

365
00:17:22,344 --> 00:17:23,894
Hey!

366
00:17:23,895 --> 00:17:27,098
So a madman
in a Napoleon costume

367
00:17:27,099 --> 00:17:29,684
ran the school into the ground
and almost blew it up?

368
00:17:29,685 --> 00:17:32,353
Yeah.
And on our watch.

369
00:17:32,354 --> 00:17:33,521
What happened to us?

370
00:17:33,522 --> 00:17:35,723
Well, I have
a drinking problem.

371
00:17:35,724 --> 00:17:36,724
We're going to get fired.

372
00:17:36,725 --> 00:17:37,858
Only a matter of time

373
00:17:37,859 --> 00:17:40,394
until everyone finds out
what happened here.

374
00:17:40,395 --> 00:17:42,496
Nobody can sit on something
this big.

375
00:17:42,497 --> 00:17:45,399
I'll sit on it.

376
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,752
When I became Dean,
I made a pledge

377
00:17:47,753 --> 00:17:49,503
to swallow
this school's failures

378
00:17:49,504 --> 00:17:55,543
and spit out degrees
because that's what deans do.

379
00:17:55,544 --> 00:17:56,877
You'd do that for us?

380
00:17:56,878 --> 00:17:57,878
No.

381
00:17:57,879 --> 00:17:59,680
I do it for Greendale.

382
00:17:59,681 --> 00:18:01,182
Aw.

383
00:18:01,183 --> 00:18:03,134
It's great to have you back,
Craig.

384
00:18:03,135 --> 00:18:06,354
It's almost as if you were
never unknowingly gone.

385
00:18:06,355 --> 00:18:08,472
- Yard margs at Skeeper's.

386
00:18:08,473 --> 00:18:10,257
Perfect.
I left my credit card there.

387
00:18:10,258 --> 00:18:11,592
Thanks, Craig.

388
00:18:12,761 --> 00:18:15,429
You guys saved me.

389
00:18:15,430 --> 00:18:19,266
I don't know
how I will ever repay you.

390
00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:21,569
You already have.

391
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:29,377
Troy,
you don't have to do this.

392
00:18:29,378 --> 00:18:31,712
The AC school has no claim
on your soul.

393
00:18:31,713 --> 00:18:32,780
No, but I do.

394
00:18:32,781 --> 00:18:34,215
A man's only as good
as his word,

395
00:18:34,216 --> 00:18:36,834
or his nod through a camera
to a guy with a button.

396
00:18:43,008 --> 00:18:46,427
It's time.
Say your goodbyes.

397
00:18:48,797 --> 00:18:51,265
Shirley, never change.

398
00:18:51,266 --> 00:18:53,467
Or do, if you want,
I'm not your boss.

399
00:18:53,468 --> 00:18:56,570
Oh, honey.

400
00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:03,744
Never wear a rubber.

401
00:19:09,418 --> 00:19:13,487
Never listen to Pierce.

402
00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:19,760
Whenever you finally finish
that Jigsaw puzzle...

403
00:19:19,761 --> 00:19:24,882
Will you tell me what kind of
boat is at the end of that dock?

404
00:19:29,521 --> 00:19:31,472
This is a lock of my hair.

405
00:19:33,191 --> 00:19:34,608
Creepy.

406
00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:53,527
All right, let's go.

407
00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:10,478
Abed?

408
00:20:10,479 --> 00:20:11,896
What did he say to you?

409
00:20:11,897 --> 00:20:15,850
He said, "I know you hate
when people do this in movies."

410
00:20:15,851 --> 00:20:17,435
Sorry I got emotional.

411
00:20:27,662 --> 00:20:30,414
Troy Barnes.

412
00:20:30,415 --> 00:20:32,750
Welcome home.

413
00:20:36,614 --> 00:20:39,700
I'm really digging
this hard house!

414
00:20:39,701 --> 00:20:41,518
It's quite a groove.

415
00:20:41,519 --> 00:20:43,620
This is my school!

416
00:20:43,621 --> 00:20:45,021
It's called Greendale,

417
00:20:45,022 --> 00:20:48,191
and I'm the Dean
of the entire school.

418
00:20:48,192 --> 00:20:52,829
I mean, I wasn't for a while,
but it's a long story.

419
00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:54,548
You guys, everybody,

420
00:20:54,549 --> 00:20:56,866
you should come by during
the day sometime.

421
00:20:56,867 --> 00:20:58,802
It's totally different.

422
00:20:58,803 --> 00:21:02,055
Really, stop by.
It'll blow your minds.

423
00:21:02,056 --> 00:21:04,341
You can meet my best friend,
Jeffrey.

424
00:21:04,342 --> 00:21:07,627
Sure, I'll take a back rub.
Who's asking?