1
00:00:02,851 --> 00:00:04,898
Well...
See you after the break.

2
00:00:04,927 --> 00:00:06,670
What are you all doing
for Thanksgiving?

3
00:00:06,693 --> 00:00:08,127
I'm having
Andre's whole family over,

4
00:00:08,140 --> 00:00:10,588
though he'll be stuck working at the
stereo store for Black Friday.

5
00:00:10,612 --> 00:00:12,687
Oh, sure, you get to say that, but...

6
00:00:12,794 --> 00:00:14,963
we're stuck
calling it "Jew Friday."

7
00:00:15,019 --> 00:00:18,521
Ugh, I'll be with my family,
fielding the same old questions.

8
00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:20,721
"How's community college?"
"What's your major?"

9
00:00:20,745 --> 00:00:21,971
"Are those real?"

10
00:00:22,031 --> 00:00:22,953
My aunt's boyfriend.

11
00:00:22,965 --> 00:00:25,168
"Oh, my family's
a normal religion,

12
00:00:25,186 --> 00:00:26,753
"so I have to talk to them
for five minutes

13
00:00:26,775 --> 00:00:29,860
before I get a casserole
that's all marshmallow."

14
00:00:29,962 --> 00:00:32,123
- That's you.
- Brainstorm.

15
00:00:32,136 --> 00:00:33,606
Why don't you all
come over to my house?

16
00:00:33,624 --> 00:00:34,681
I'll have plenty of food.

17
00:00:34,699 --> 00:00:35,802
- That would be great.
- Marshmallows.

18
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,677
- Sounds good to me. - I was going
to microwave buttered noodles,

19
00:00:37,695 --> 00:00:38,878
but this sounds
equally promising.

20
00:00:38,897 --> 00:00:40,009
- I'm in.
- Oh, goody.

21
00:00:40,021 --> 00:00:42,001
Well, you know,
you're all welcome, of course.

22
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:44,137
- I'm in.
- Or, you know, Jeff or whoever.

23
00:00:44,168 --> 00:00:45,137
Can't. Plans.

24
00:00:45,162 --> 00:00:46,343
Well, if you change your mind,

25
00:00:46,355 --> 00:00:48,331
I can't think of anyone
who would enjoy having you more.

26
00:00:48,343 --> 00:00:51,067
How-Dean, pilgrims.

27
00:00:51,101 --> 00:00:52,573
- Is that...
- John Wayne, yes.

28
00:00:52,578 --> 00:00:53,798
Oh, good, you got it.

29
00:00:53,839 --> 00:00:57,662
Anyhoo, I just thought
I'd mosey on over here,

30
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,232
invite you all
to Greendale's annual

31
00:01:00,244 --> 00:01:03,016
Thanks-living
potluck dinner,

32
00:01:03,047 --> 00:01:05,915
where we remember all we have
to be thankful for.

33
00:01:06,027 --> 00:01:07,549
There may be a statistical link

34
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:10,063
to enrollment at Greendale
and holiday suicide.

35
00:01:10,131 --> 00:01:11,832
- Oh.
- Just a shoelace...

36
00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:13,935
and belt-free night
full of fun.

37
00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:15,215
You should all drop by.

38
00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:16,845
Or Jeff.
Or whoever.

39
00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:18,274
Oh, he can't.
He has plans.

40
00:01:18,293 --> 00:01:19,099
Oh, right,

41
00:01:19,116 --> 00:01:20,694
you are spending Thanksgiving
with your father.

42
00:01:21,822 --> 00:01:24,163
I thought I told you
to stop reading my email.

43
00:01:24,197 --> 00:01:27,323
Yeah, well, I thought I told
you to stop keeping secrets.

44
00:01:27,366 --> 00:01:30,112
How am I supposed to keep track
of what you tell me in confidence

45
00:01:30,129 --> 00:01:32,874
and what I hear through you
walls with a glass to my ear?

46
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,927
Fine.
Close your mouths.

47
00:01:37,939 --> 00:01:40,257
I'm having Thanksgiving
with my estranged father.

48
00:01:40,263 --> 00:01:42,232
- Can we move on now?
- Makes sense.

49
00:01:42,390 --> 00:01:43,663
Jeff's at a point in his life

50
00:01:43,675 --> 00:01:45,983
where he needs a strong
father figure to come out to.

51
00:01:45,995 --> 00:01:48,229
Jeff, this is huge news.

52
00:01:48,329 --> 00:01:49,325
Huger news.

53
00:01:49,358 --> 00:01:52,146
Was this decision made after
our Halloween conversation?

54
00:01:52,158 --> 00:01:54,993
Yes, after.
Not because of.

55
00:01:55,025 --> 00:01:56,805
I'll take it.

56
00:01:58,562 --> 00:02:00,541
You had that teed up?

57
00:02:00,916 --> 00:02:03,107
When I say "thera,"
you say "pist."

58
00:02:03,126 --> 00:02:04,209
- Thera...
- pist.

59
00:02:04,228 --> 00:02:05,464
Thera...

60
00:02:05,482 --> 00:02:06,532
Thanks for the support, guys.

61
00:02:06,554 --> 00:02:09,708
Oh, the support has just begun.

62
00:02:09,938 --> 00:02:11,672
What do you want me to bring
to papa Winger's house,

63
00:02:11,693 --> 00:02:13,366
some vegan pumpkin pie?

64
00:02:13,379 --> 00:02:15,110
Britta, you're not coming.

65
00:02:15,128 --> 00:02:17,199
Fine, regular pumpkin pie.

66
00:02:17,356 --> 00:02:20,403
Jeff, you're going to need me
when things get messy and emotional.

67
00:02:20,434 --> 00:02:21,913
The only thing that's going
to get messy and emotional

68
00:02:21,944 --> 00:02:23,828
is Troy, when he realizes
there are yams

69
00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:25,063
underneath those marshmallows.

70
00:02:25,099 --> 00:02:27,100
I knew it was too good
to be true.

71
00:02:27,169 --> 00:02:29,647
Jeff, speaking not just
as your friend

72
00:02:29,687 --> 00:02:32,321
but as an avid
daytime TV watcher,

73
00:02:32,354 --> 00:02:36,457
these parent-child reunions
can get intense.

74
00:02:36,508 --> 00:02:38,125
Chairs might be thrown.

75
00:02:38,170 --> 00:02:39,533
Weaves might be pulled.

76
00:02:39,551 --> 00:02:40,771
Or I could just go in there,

77
00:02:40,801 --> 00:02:44,071
show him how awesome I am,
no thanks to him, meet my half-brother...

78
00:02:44,129 --> 00:02:46,659
And then, boom. Closure.

79
00:02:46,982 --> 00:02:48,599
Your dad has another son?

80
00:02:48,624 --> 00:02:50,139
Yeah.
So, clearly, he's moved on.

81
00:02:50,177 --> 00:02:51,712
Why can't I?
Close your mouths.

82
00:02:51,737 --> 00:02:53,853
Look, I appreciate
your concern,

83
00:02:53,865 --> 00:02:56,216
but really, the most helpful
thing you can do

84
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:57,211
is stay out of my business.

85
00:02:57,223 --> 00:02:59,456
Oh, can you
say that last part again?

86
00:02:59,682 --> 00:03:01,733
These walls
are entirely too thick.

87
00:03:25,173 --> 00:03:27,934
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

88
00:03:28,990 --> 00:03:35,064
api.OpenSubtitles.org is deprecated, please
implement REST API from OpenSubtitles.com

89
00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:54,161
Oh!
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

90
00:03:54,186 --> 00:03:55,042
- Hey.
- Hi.

91
00:03:55,061 --> 00:03:57,129
Let's carve that jive turkey!

92
00:03:57,454 --> 00:03:59,578
- Got that out of your system?
- Yeah.

93
00:03:59,608 --> 00:04:01,358
Then I'm so happy
to welcome you all to my home.

94
00:04:01,389 --> 00:04:04,053
- Oh, thank you.
- Hello, come in.

95
00:04:04,241 --> 00:04:06,554
Take your coats off.
Make yourself comfortable.

96
00:04:06,567 --> 00:04:08,105
Browse the available literature

97
00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:09,644
about Jesus Christ
as your personal savior.

98
00:04:09,668 --> 00:04:11,454
Or not.
No agenda.

99
00:04:11,953 --> 00:04:13,741
Are you going
to pass some apps soon,

100
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,103
or do I have to die
of starvation to prove a point?

101
00:04:16,121 --> 00:04:17,091
Oh, everybody,

102
00:04:17,109 --> 00:04:18,550
this is Mr. Bennett,
my father-in-law.

103
00:04:18,575 --> 00:04:20,225
Dad, these are my friends
from college.

104
00:04:21,419 --> 00:04:23,478
Oh, yeah.
That's Andre's people.

105
00:04:23,503 --> 00:04:26,242
They're a bunch of characters.
That's a good one, dad.

106
00:04:26,273 --> 00:04:28,501
- Oh, I brought something.
- Oh.

107
00:04:29,405 --> 00:04:30,722
Dip.

108
00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:33,471
Oh, Abed, why is this
seven layer dip so puffy?

109
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,082
Oh, it's been in the fridge
for two years.

110
00:04:35,094 --> 00:04:36,305
I was saving it
for a special occasion.

111
00:04:36,311 --> 00:04:38,330
Oh, that's so thoughtful.

112
00:04:38,355 --> 00:04:41,381
I'm going to put this on a nice platter
with some crackers in the trash.

113
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,367
Where's Britta?

114
00:04:42,535 --> 00:04:44,347
Hey, Jeff.
What's up?

115
00:04:44,430 --> 00:04:46,220
What's up is closure.

116
00:04:46,276 --> 00:04:48,861
I met my dad,
we talked things out as men.

117
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:50,315
I think I'm ready to move on.

118
00:04:50,363 --> 00:04:51,646
Really, in 20 minutes?

119
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:56,256
Fine.
Look, I couldn't do it.

120
00:04:56,315 --> 00:04:58,416
I was at the front door,
totally in control,

121
00:04:58,428 --> 00:05:00,312
and then I started thinking
about all that stuff you said

122
00:05:00,339 --> 00:05:04,397
about messiness,
and it threw me off my game.

123
00:05:04,573 --> 00:05:05,690
You know, the irony is,

124
00:05:05,702 --> 00:05:08,367
after all your pestering that
I deal with my daddy issues,

125
00:05:08,456 --> 00:05:10,721
you're the reason
I'm not meeting my father.

126
00:05:10,740 --> 00:05:13,571
Or maybe I'm the reason
you'll come here after all.

127
00:05:13,611 --> 00:05:14,728
Britta, I...

128
00:05:14,767 --> 00:05:17,619
Wait.
What do you mean by "here"?

129
00:05:17,758 --> 00:05:19,176
Your dad's house,

130
00:05:19,195 --> 00:05:22,748
where I kind of, sort of, am.

131
00:05:23,482 --> 00:05:25,089
Yeah, thanks, Sharon.

132
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,670
I never thought
about it that way.

133
00:05:26,690 --> 00:05:28,308
Batman is sort of gay.

134
00:05:28,336 --> 00:05:29,833
Be right back.

135
00:05:30,645 --> 00:05:32,199
What is going on?

136
00:05:32,210 --> 00:05:34,219
Why is Thanksgiving
so terrible?

137
00:05:34,256 --> 00:05:35,388
I know.

138
00:05:35,433 --> 00:05:38,619
The tension, the backbiting,
the judgmental comments.

139
00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:41,134
This makes Thanksgiving
with my family look...

140
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,669
eh, still pretty bad.

141
00:05:42,702 --> 00:05:44,720
I said Batman was gay.

142
00:05:44,751 --> 00:05:46,526
Ugh.
Sheesh.

143
00:05:46,558 --> 00:05:49,439
You ask one lady
if she's Tyler Perry in drag,

144
00:05:49,458 --> 00:05:50,892
and suddenly,
you're the bad guy.

145
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,172
It's a reference.
That's my humor.

146
00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:54,572
Abed gets it.

147
00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:56,821
Oh, you're all hiding out
in here.

148
00:05:56,906 --> 00:05:59,824
- We're not hiding.
- You know us, hide away.

149
00:05:59,849 --> 00:06:01,030
Well, be careful.

150
00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,999
You might be giving the impression
that you prefer the cold garage

151
00:06:04,018 --> 00:06:06,596
to the warm heart
of my hospitality.

152
00:06:06,613 --> 00:06:08,764
What? As if.

153
00:06:08,777 --> 00:06:09,677
Yay.

154
00:06:09,693 --> 00:06:10,774
Uh-huh.
Okay.

155
00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:13,647
Well, hurry back soon.

156
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,530
This is the Jonestown
of dinners.

157
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,668
I feel like I'm in jail.

158
00:06:16,699 --> 00:06:18,951
And you know what happens
to guys like me in jail.

159
00:06:19,033 --> 00:06:20,310
They get really
into push-ups,

160
00:06:20,328 --> 00:06:23,743
and I am fine with my upper body
the way it is!

161
00:06:25,211 --> 00:06:26,679
It did feel like a prison,

162
00:06:26,705 --> 00:06:29,623
and that meant only one thing
made sense, conceptually.

163
00:06:29,661 --> 00:06:30,978
We had to break out.

164
00:06:31,054 --> 00:06:34,087
And someone with the gravitas
of Morgan Freeman had to narrate it.

165
00:06:34,613 --> 00:06:36,079
We need to do a prison break.

166
00:06:41,862 --> 00:06:43,130
Happy Thanksgiving?

167
00:06:43,147 --> 00:06:44,785
You really "you'd"
this one, huh?

168
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:47,049
Okay, yes, I meddled
against your wishes,

169
00:06:47,067 --> 00:06:48,941
and yes, I got this address
from the Dean,

170
00:06:48,972 --> 00:06:49,722
but hey.

171
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:52,673
You had a moment of doubt,
and here I am to help you through it.

172
00:06:52,685 --> 00:06:54,968
Psychology tells us
there are no accidents.

173
00:06:54,987 --> 00:06:55,637
Oh, really?

174
00:06:55,655 --> 00:06:57,195
What about car accidents,
Tara Reid,

175
00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:58,824
or the Hindenburg?

176
00:06:59,214 --> 00:07:00,763
Here goes nothing.

177
00:07:04,937 --> 00:07:06,181
Hello, William.

178
00:07:12,186 --> 00:07:15,727
So, uh... how about we make
a couple of ground rules?

179
00:07:15,733 --> 00:07:18,600
Actually, that sounds good.
Okay. No hugs.

180
00:07:18,695 --> 00:07:20,386
Wouldn't want one.
No apologies.

181
00:07:20,411 --> 00:07:22,394
Wouldn't accept one.
No calling you "dad."

182
00:07:22,406 --> 00:07:24,278
- No expectations.
- No B.S.

183
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:25,207
- Drink?
- Scotch.

184
00:07:25,226 --> 00:07:26,577
- 18?
- Neat.

185
00:07:26,672 --> 00:07:27,742
I just want to acknowledge

186
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,348
that there are a lot
of emotions flowing right now,

187
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,319
and you two are probably
feeling a strong impulse

188
00:07:33,357 --> 00:07:37,181
to sleep with each other,
and hey, that's normal.

189
00:07:37,419 --> 00:07:40,857
Wow.
I'll get the drinks.

190
00:07:41,089 --> 00:07:44,215
So, how about that?
No muss, no fuss.

191
00:07:44,239 --> 00:07:47,341
Jeff, I urge you not to run
from the muss and fuss.

192
00:07:47,371 --> 00:07:48,990
Hi.

193
00:07:50,474 --> 00:07:51,507
Hi.

194
00:07:51,533 --> 00:07:53,017
You must be
my half-brother.

195
00:07:53,717 --> 00:07:56,498
Oh, your hands are so much
bigger than mine.

196
00:07:56,635 --> 00:07:58,469
Your nail beds are perfect.

197
00:07:58,511 --> 00:07:59,904
I can't do it.
I can't.

198
00:07:59,929 --> 00:08:00,743
Oh, God.

199
00:08:00,761 --> 00:08:02,521
Oh, it's coming up.

200
00:08:02,546 --> 00:08:03,878
When I get upset, I vomit.

201
00:08:03,890 --> 00:08:06,479
Oh, I see you've
met Willy Junior.

202
00:08:06,511 --> 00:08:09,417
You said he wasn't going
to replace me.

203
00:08:09,508 --> 00:08:12,059
He's the Schwarzenegger.
I'm the DeVito.

204
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:13,275
I get it.

205
00:08:14,738 --> 00:08:16,995
Okay, fellas,
let's get right into it.

206
00:08:17,007 --> 00:08:20,514
I think the big question
on everyone's mind is

207
00:08:21,165 --> 00:08:23,366
why don't I go
help Willy Junior?

208
00:08:23,438 --> 00:08:24,771
Hmm?

209
00:08:27,233 --> 00:08:29,372
One thing was clear to me
and the rest of the crew.

210
00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:31,768
Bennett lockup was not
where we belonged.

211
00:08:31,850 --> 00:08:34,068
We belonged in the sun,
with the wind in our hair,

212
00:08:34,093 --> 00:08:36,389
or maybe at a Bennigan's,
enjoying a Turkey O'Toole.

213
00:08:36,476 --> 00:08:38,143
We should tunnel out.

214
00:08:38,339 --> 00:08:41,018
Abed, Shirley is our friend,
and we're guests in her home.

215
00:08:41,049 --> 00:08:42,731
We need a plan
that won't hurt her feelings,

216
00:08:42,762 --> 00:08:44,457
or damage her property.

217
00:08:44,503 --> 00:08:46,620
Definitely don't look
behind that poster, then.

218
00:08:46,929 --> 00:08:48,535
I could pretend
to have a stroke.

219
00:08:48,574 --> 00:08:50,670
Do a gibberish
foreign language.

220
00:08:50,732 --> 00:08:53,646
What if I did a gibberish
foreign language like Star Wars?

221
00:08:53,688 --> 00:08:55,857
You'd like that, I bet.
Dick.

222
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,590
Look, I'm sure we'll
figure out a way out of here.

223
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:01,620
What's important right now
is that we stick together.

224
00:09:02,033 --> 00:09:04,167
- Yeah.
- Oh, there you are.

225
00:09:04,187 --> 00:09:05,615
Who wants
a pre-dinner snack?

226
00:09:05,647 --> 00:09:07,103
Oh!

227
00:09:07,121 --> 00:09:08,572
Oh, pumpkin, what's wrong?

228
00:09:08,606 --> 00:09:11,558
Oh, it's too embarrassing

229
00:09:11,603 --> 00:09:13,370
to talk about
in front of the guys,

230
00:09:13,388 --> 00:09:15,608
know what I mean, girlfriend?
- Oh, sweetie.

231
00:09:15,649 --> 00:09:17,470
Do you have your monthly shame?

232
00:09:17,487 --> 00:09:19,421
Do you want to lie down
in Elijah's room?

233
00:09:19,460 --> 00:09:21,749
Oh, I don't think
that's going to cut it.

234
00:09:21,767 --> 00:09:23,894
I probably need to go home
and call Dr. Collins.

235
00:09:23,912 --> 00:09:25,845
- It's that bad.
- Oh, well, you know,

236
00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,560
my sister-in-law's
a gynecologist,

237
00:09:27,572 --> 00:09:28,657
and she's right
in the other room.

238
00:09:28,663 --> 00:09:31,583
There's no need to bother
your doctor on a holiday.

239
00:09:31,802 --> 00:09:33,072
Go ahead.
Mm-hmm.

240
00:09:33,101 --> 00:09:36,295
I'd like to tell you Annie avoided
Shirley's doctor sister-in-law,

241
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,083
but this ain't no fairy tale.

242
00:09:38,433 --> 00:09:40,334
This is Thanksgiving.

243
00:09:40,716 --> 00:09:42,552
Let's see, what else?

244
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:45,787
You've got some diabetes,
on my mother's side.

245
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:46,911
Good to know.

246
00:09:46,975 --> 00:09:47,888
I like your hair.

247
00:09:47,906 --> 00:09:50,036
The presence of it, I mean.

248
00:09:50,070 --> 00:09:53,136
So I have a question,

249
00:09:53,248 --> 00:09:55,199
and it's been weighing
on me pretty heavily.

250
00:09:55,269 --> 00:09:58,216
At your age, in the bedroom...

251
00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:01,416
Oh, yeah.
It's all good.

252
00:10:01,579 --> 00:10:03,437
- Yeah?
- Real good.

253
00:10:03,608 --> 00:10:06,066
Look at them.
Bonding.

254
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:09,002
Probably laughing
'cause I can't grow a beard.

255
00:10:09,033 --> 00:10:10,177
I have an idea.

256
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,059
Why don't we
use these dinner rolls

257
00:10:12,071 --> 00:10:14,148
to do some "roll" play?

258
00:10:15,235 --> 00:10:16,319
I see what I did there.

259
00:10:16,343 --> 00:10:17,682
Okay.

260
00:10:17,866 --> 00:10:21,310
This roll, this is me.

261
00:10:21,856 --> 00:10:23,045
He's crying.

262
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:25,625
Good.
That's really good.

263
00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:28,265
So, uh, what do you do?

264
00:10:28,298 --> 00:10:30,833
I'm a lawyer
who faked a bachelor's degree

265
00:10:30,851 --> 00:10:33,524
and practiced law for seven
years before I got caught.

266
00:10:34,908 --> 00:10:36,242
I like your hustle.

267
00:10:36,293 --> 00:10:40,224
Reminds me of the summer
I was Ralph Lauren out in St. Tropez.

268
00:10:40,249 --> 00:10:42,826
'83, I'm on a boat with, uh...

269
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,493
Damn it, Willy!

270
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:46,706
- I'm expressing.
- Knock it off.

271
00:10:46,719 --> 00:10:49,820
Why can't you just swallow it,
like any normal person?

272
00:10:49,842 --> 00:10:52,729
Oh! Oh, right.
Like your new son.

273
00:10:52,754 --> 00:10:56,318
Like mister...
mister I've got my shirt...

274
00:10:56,337 --> 00:10:58,302
I don't know a lot of
personal details about you yet.

275
00:10:58,321 --> 00:10:59,358
Well, my name's Jeff.

276
00:10:59,382 --> 00:11:02,284
Don't help me,
mister helper guy.

277
00:11:02,479 --> 00:11:03,956
First mom dies, now this?

278
00:11:03,974 --> 00:11:05,878
Hey, she died
20 years ago, Willy.

279
00:11:05,897 --> 00:11:08,019
He keeps singing
the same old song.

280
00:11:08,038 --> 00:11:10,180
Wow.
She died on you.

281
00:11:10,279 --> 00:11:11,947
Here I thought you'd
become father of the year,

282
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,515
but you just got stuck.

283
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:16,718
Yeah, well, look, I don't have to tell you
I'm not a natural caretaker,

284
00:11:16,730 --> 00:11:20,258
but with Willy, you know,
I-I checked all the boxes,

285
00:11:20,276 --> 00:11:23,144
and he still turned out
softer than wet cheese.

286
00:11:23,186 --> 00:11:24,628
I don't get it.

287
00:11:24,896 --> 00:11:28,079
He keeps saying he's going
to move out next week, since '03.

288
00:11:28,114 --> 00:11:30,382
Oh, man, I couldn't
wait to get out.

289
00:11:30,420 --> 00:11:31,854
I got my own place
when I was 18.

290
00:11:31,887 --> 00:11:34,605
I was the same way.

291
00:11:35,023 --> 00:11:37,968
So who's ready to eat?

292
00:11:38,810 --> 00:11:40,726
Jeff, you care
to carve the turkey?

293
00:11:40,759 --> 00:11:42,187
I knew it!

294
00:11:42,212 --> 00:11:43,843
You love him more than me.

295
00:11:43,957 --> 00:11:46,285
I'll show you.
I'll run away.

296
00:11:46,304 --> 00:11:49,289
Oh, please.
Hey, be my guest.

297
00:11:49,335 --> 00:11:52,870
You run away, and I'm going
to sleep like a baby tonight.

298
00:11:54,857 --> 00:11:57,293
Oh, now, I'm sorry
you guys had to see that,

299
00:11:57,312 --> 00:11:59,221
but maybe you could
shrink his head,

300
00:11:59,233 --> 00:12:01,159
since you're here
for some reason.

301
00:12:01,195 --> 00:12:04,153
Yes.
I can do this.

302
00:12:04,361 --> 00:12:06,731
Show me on the dinner roll
where you're hurt!

303
00:12:07,730 --> 00:12:09,737
And that's how it went
for the afternoon.

304
00:12:09,761 --> 00:12:12,572
This tag team turkey day
became our routine.

305
00:12:12,739 --> 00:12:15,207
We endured the indignities
as best we could.

306
00:12:15,288 --> 00:12:17,523
Cousins fighting,
complaints about the food,

307
00:12:17,544 --> 00:12:19,973
listening to a nephew
do Borat for a full hour.

308
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:22,757
We figured out ways
to steal away from time to time,

309
00:12:23,032 --> 00:12:25,494
saying we had to pee,
had to get ice,

310
00:12:25,519 --> 00:12:27,220
had to do a jewish thing
in the other room.

311
00:12:29,354 --> 00:12:32,186
I became known as the guy
who could get you things

312
00:12:33,107 --> 00:12:36,843
piece of gum, playing cards,

313
00:12:36,893 --> 00:12:39,663
some novelty glasses I found
in a box marked "crap."

314
00:12:39,872 --> 00:12:42,691
In those brief,
tranquil moments, we felt human.

315
00:12:42,731 --> 00:12:44,198
We felt free.

316
00:12:44,461 --> 00:12:47,355
But sooner or later,
our warden would come knocking.

317
00:12:47,842 --> 00:12:50,728
Mostly, we just waited
for our time to be served,

318
00:12:50,919 --> 00:12:53,169
but some didn't
take kindly to waiting.

319
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,126
Some didn't
have much time left.

320
00:12:55,195 --> 00:12:57,389
Enough.
Amateur hour is over.

321
00:12:57,407 --> 00:13:00,009
I'm going in there,
pretend to break a hip,

322
00:13:00,037 --> 00:13:04,456
and we'll be sipping Sambuca
at Skeepers in no time.

323
00:13:08,903 --> 00:13:11,087
Whoa.
He tripped on the rug.

324
00:13:11,118 --> 00:13:12,434
Wait, now he's getting up.

325
00:13:12,446 --> 00:13:14,722
He's walking around dazed
like he's got a head injury.

326
00:13:14,787 --> 00:13:16,876
Oh, groin into the corner
of the table.

327
00:13:16,894 --> 00:13:18,227
This might actually work.

328
00:13:18,253 --> 00:13:19,220
Ow.

329
00:13:20,135 --> 00:13:22,487
Wait, wait,
why are people laughing?

330
00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:27,404
Let's see, I need a broom,
a rake, or two rakes...

331
00:13:27,416 --> 00:13:29,465
Pierce, you were supposed
to pretend to injure yourself

332
00:13:29,486 --> 00:13:30,870
so we could leave.

333
00:13:30,922 --> 00:13:32,238
Leave?

334
00:13:32,411 --> 00:13:34,980
This is my
showtime at the Apollo.

335
00:13:35,024 --> 00:13:36,557
I'm killing out there.

336
00:13:38,058 --> 00:13:41,575
Pierce was our last hope,
or so we thought.

337
00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:45,422
It seemed Troy Barnes
had a plan.

338
00:13:45,434 --> 00:13:46,553
What if we got sick?

339
00:13:46,577 --> 00:13:48,974
No.
No more faking illnesses.

340
00:13:48,992 --> 00:13:52,435
Not fake sick.
Real sick.

341
00:14:00,127 --> 00:14:04,038
And that's when I told
my old firm to shove it.

342
00:14:05,362 --> 00:14:07,173
I've always been more
of a free agent, anyway.

343
00:14:07,186 --> 00:14:09,104
Yeah, I can see that about you.

344
00:14:09,319 --> 00:14:11,873
You seem
like a self-made man.

345
00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:14,547
Well, I kind of had to be.

346
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:17,363
Look, if it's okay with you,
I'd like to break a rule.

347
00:14:17,395 --> 00:14:19,042
I know we said
"no mushy stuff,"

348
00:14:19,055 --> 00:14:22,541
but for what it's worth,
I'm proud of you.

349
00:14:22,789 --> 00:14:25,139
Wow.
Thanks.

350
00:14:25,417 --> 00:14:27,174
Makes you think.

351
00:14:27,644 --> 00:14:29,047
Wait, what do you mean?

352
00:14:29,059 --> 00:14:32,104
Well, look, I mean, you've
seen how Willy turned out.

353
00:14:32,116 --> 00:14:34,351
I mean, I haven't
done that kid any favors.

354
00:14:34,386 --> 00:14:36,104
And so I look at you,

355
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:39,327
so self-reliant
and well-adjusted,

356
00:14:39,352 --> 00:14:41,737
and I think
maybe I did something right.

357
00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:43,845
You did something right?

358
00:14:43,870 --> 00:14:46,945
Well, let me
say that different. Uh,

359
00:14:47,216 --> 00:14:49,295
the universe
is a constantly expanding...

360
00:14:49,307 --> 00:14:50,370
Stop.

361
00:14:50,413 --> 00:14:52,176
I get the impulse, but
that's not going to work here.

362
00:14:52,194 --> 00:14:53,587
No, I just mean that, uh,

363
00:14:53,623 --> 00:14:56,244
we are defined
by what happens to us,

364
00:14:56,357 --> 00:15:00,310
and me leaving seems
to have made you independent,

365
00:15:00,340 --> 00:15:01,913
made you strong.

366
00:15:02,121 --> 00:15:05,463
With all due respect,
which is none,

367
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:07,251
go to hell.

368
00:15:07,345 --> 00:15:09,195
So tunneling out
is off the table?

369
00:15:09,614 --> 00:15:12,670
Who's hungry for turkey?

370
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,279
Shirley, we were just...

371
00:15:14,292 --> 00:15:15,231
About to...

372
00:15:15,243 --> 00:15:16,836
Eat garbage dip.

373
00:15:16,924 --> 00:15:19,201
Why did I have to go third?

374
00:15:19,220 --> 00:15:21,606
Look, I get it.
You want to leave.

375
00:15:21,633 --> 00:15:23,360
Shirley, we're sorry.

376
00:15:23,378 --> 00:15:25,813
No, I'm sorry.

377
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,779
To be honest, I invited you
as a bit of a buffer.

378
00:15:28,817 --> 00:15:31,409
With Andre's family,
I'm always the butt of the joke,

379
00:15:31,429 --> 00:15:33,209
and with Andre gone this year,

380
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:37,324
I thought I could tip the scales in my
favor by having a few friends around.

381
00:15:37,502 --> 00:15:39,953
That was wrong of me.

382
00:15:40,129 --> 00:15:41,635
See you Monday.

383
00:15:43,672 --> 00:15:46,956
I can't believe none of us noticed
she was having such a hard time.

384
00:15:47,020 --> 00:15:48,738
We can't leave.

385
00:15:48,763 --> 00:15:50,151
Funny thing about prison.

386
00:15:50,193 --> 00:15:52,310
Sometimes the person
you thought was your warden

387
00:15:52,336 --> 00:15:54,104
turns out
to be a fellow prisoner,

388
00:15:54,118 --> 00:15:56,051
which doesn't really line up
with the whole Shawshank thing,

389
00:15:56,076 --> 00:15:58,481
but maybe we've always been doing
more of a Prison Break.

390
00:15:58,700 --> 00:15:59,711
The show.

391
00:16:08,681 --> 00:16:12,266
- Whoa, what are you doing in my car?
- Take me with you.

392
00:16:12,466 --> 00:16:13,780
Teach me what you know.

393
00:16:13,805 --> 00:16:15,739
What in the cat's cradle
is happening?

394
00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:16,889
Dad hates me.

395
00:16:16,901 --> 00:16:18,414
What do you care
what that guy thinks?

396
00:16:18,432 --> 00:16:19,364
He's a dick.

397
00:16:19,382 --> 00:16:21,580
See, that's
what I need to learn!

398
00:16:21,622 --> 00:16:24,440
How to be all dead inside
with muscles on top,

399
00:16:24,474 --> 00:16:26,366
not all emotional and flabby.

400
00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:29,520
Yeah, but you are emotional,
and if you pretend you're not,

401
00:16:29,532 --> 00:16:31,902
you're only letting him off the hook
for being a terrible father,

402
00:16:31,933 --> 00:16:33,781
which he is
and always has been.

403
00:16:33,799 --> 00:16:36,071
I mean,
he meant the world to you,

404
00:16:36,077 --> 00:16:38,194
and you meant nothing to him,

405
00:16:38,261 --> 00:16:42,160
and if you run away now,
he'll never know.

406
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:45,160
He should know.

407
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,871
Britta's the worst.

408
00:16:48,573 --> 00:16:49,673
Ow!
Jeez.

409
00:16:52,066 --> 00:16:54,050
Oh.
I thought you guys left.

410
00:16:54,082 --> 00:16:55,412
We started as your buffer,

411
00:16:55,445 --> 00:16:56,625
but we're busting you
out of here now.

412
00:16:56,665 --> 00:16:57,382
Mm-hmm.

413
00:16:57,394 --> 00:16:59,679
I drew a map of your house
on my stomach.

414
00:16:59,698 --> 00:17:01,818
Uh, I know what my house
looks like.

415
00:17:01,861 --> 00:17:03,447
That's what I said.

416
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:05,563
Look, if we act fast,
we can get through this plan,

417
00:17:05,575 --> 00:17:08,213
which is to put you in the trash can,
take you out like trash,

418
00:17:08,243 --> 00:17:09,143
but we got to dress you
like a baby.

419
00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:13,168
Thank you so much for doing this,
but I'm not going anywhere.

420
00:17:13,180 --> 00:17:15,578
Those people up there,
they may be rude, they may be pushy,

421
00:17:15,590 --> 00:17:17,483
they may have come
to some wrongheaded conclusions

422
00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:18,933
about Batman and Robin...

423
00:17:18,980 --> 00:17:20,034
Oh, thank you.

424
00:17:20,052 --> 00:17:21,485
But they're my family,

425
00:17:21,497 --> 00:17:24,189
and family means putting up with
each other even when it's hard.

426
00:17:24,231 --> 00:17:26,711
You guys can go.
I'll be fine.

427
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,417
Actually, we're going to stay.

428
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,944
- Oh.
- Yeah.

429
00:17:32,016 --> 00:17:33,299
Family sticks it out.

430
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,021
That's ni...

431
00:17:38,038 --> 00:17:39,974
Okay, full disclosure.

432
00:17:39,998 --> 00:17:42,949
We're hiding out
from that crazy white guy.

433
00:17:44,269 --> 00:17:45,589
You came back!

434
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:46,709
I'm sorry.

435
00:17:46,727 --> 00:17:48,940
You should take some credit
for who I've become.

436
00:17:49,005 --> 00:17:49,926
Okay.

437
00:17:49,951 --> 00:17:53,085
So, let me tell you
how I turned out,

438
00:17:53,117 --> 00:17:56,667
just so you're crystal clear
on your impact.

439
00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:00,226
I am not well-adjusted.

440
00:18:00,565 --> 00:18:03,730
More often than not,
I am barely keeping it together.

441
00:18:04,022 --> 00:18:05,933
I'm constantly texting,

442
00:18:06,071 --> 00:18:07,722
and there's no one
at the other end.

443
00:18:07,977 --> 00:18:09,271
I'm just a grown man

444
00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:12,019
who can't even look his own
friends in the eye for too long

445
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,257
because I'm afraid
that they'll see

446
00:18:14,288 --> 00:18:15,556
that I am broken.

447
00:18:16,376 --> 00:18:17,922
So you get credit for that.

448
00:18:17,941 --> 00:18:18,897
Oh, come on, now...

449
00:18:18,915 --> 00:18:20,983
One time,
when I was in seventh grade,

450
00:18:21,010 --> 00:18:24,086
I told everybody at school
that I had appendicitis.

451
00:18:24,323 --> 00:18:26,327
I wanted someone
to worry about me.

452
00:18:26,597 --> 00:18:29,289
But when Beth Brannon asked
to see the scar,

453
00:18:29,426 --> 00:18:30,633
I didn't want to get found out,

454
00:18:30,639 --> 00:18:35,177
so I took mom's scissors,
and I made one.

455
00:18:35,334 --> 00:18:38,022
It hurt like hell,
but it was worth it.

456
00:18:38,046 --> 00:18:41,300
Because I got 17 cards,

457
00:18:41,474 --> 00:18:44,016
and I still keep them in a box
underneath my bed

458
00:18:44,072 --> 00:18:45,539
22 years later

459
00:18:45,553 --> 00:18:47,919
because it proves that someone,

460
00:18:47,944 --> 00:18:50,398
at some point, cared about me.

461
00:18:50,443 --> 00:18:52,288
You want to see the scar?

462
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,581
So you get credit
for that, too.

463
00:18:56,896 --> 00:18:58,547
This is me.

464
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:02,114
Look, Jeff, I, uh...

465
00:19:03,747 --> 00:19:04,491
Daddy!

466
00:19:04,504 --> 00:19:07,639
Are you faking a heart attack?

467
00:19:07,789 --> 00:19:09,957
Kind of a Hail Mary.

468
00:19:10,968 --> 00:19:12,730
Happy Thanksgiving, dad.

469
00:19:19,715 --> 00:19:22,943
Look, you're probably
feeling a very strong urge

470
00:19:22,968 --> 00:19:25,531
to sleep with me right now,
and that is normal.

471
00:19:25,656 --> 00:19:27,599
Sha.

472
00:19:28,035 --> 00:19:31,027
Britta, thank you.

473
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,541
You were right.

474
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:36,150
You're not going to get all
"jock jams" on me, are you?

475
00:19:36,305 --> 00:19:38,159
No, of course not.

476
00:19:38,456 --> 00:19:40,156
I left my boom box at school.

477
00:19:40,391 --> 00:19:42,890
Oh. Jeez.

478
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,633
You got to stop doing that.

479
00:19:44,679 --> 00:19:47,050
Thank you.
Come here, brother.

480
00:19:47,069 --> 00:19:48,502
- Oh.
- Come here, brother.

481
00:19:48,527 --> 00:19:49,296
Wow.

482
00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:51,072
Why don't you save some
for Christmas, buddy, okay?

483
00:19:51,104 --> 00:19:54,077
And then Pierce did whiteface
over blackface.

484
00:19:54,096 --> 00:19:55,154
No one was amused.

485
00:19:55,166 --> 00:19:57,100
It's meta.
Abed gets it.

486
00:19:57,124 --> 00:19:59,876
So, Troy, how was
your first real Thanksgiving?

487
00:19:59,905 --> 00:20:00,955
No offense to Shirley,

488
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:02,486
but I don't see
what the fuss is about.

489
00:20:02,524 --> 00:20:04,908
Thanksgiving's the wors...

490
00:20:05,009 --> 00:20:06,292
Oh!

491
00:20:06,304 --> 00:20:08,583
I heard your Thanksgiving
wasn't much better than mine,

492
00:20:08,634 --> 00:20:12,523
so I thought we could take some time
and be grateful for our real family.

493
00:20:12,717 --> 00:20:14,311
The one we chose.

494
00:20:14,477 --> 00:20:17,073
- So pretty.
- Sit, sit, sit.

495
00:20:17,572 --> 00:20:19,474
We never got
to do a Shawshank homage,

496
00:20:19,562 --> 00:20:21,646
not the way I wanted to.

497
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,044
Maybe the hardest prisons
to break out of

498
00:20:24,082 --> 00:20:26,400
are the ones without locks.

499
00:20:26,761 --> 00:20:28,784
Wait, that doesn't
make any sense.

500
00:20:29,037 --> 00:20:31,461
After that day, Jeff seemed
like a man unburdened.

501
00:20:31,558 --> 00:20:33,398
He told me
about seeing his father again,

502
00:20:33,435 --> 00:20:34,993
about how leaving there
felt like breaking free

503
00:20:35,011 --> 00:20:37,179
of an emotional prison
he'd been in for years.

504
00:20:37,242 --> 00:20:39,360
Something about shackles
on his heart?

505
00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:41,124
To be honest,
I stopped listening.

506
00:20:41,146 --> 00:20:42,546
I was thinking about Christmas.

507
00:20:42,559 --> 00:20:43,859
I hope we do Die Hard.

508
00:20:43,885 --> 00:20:45,171
I hope it's in a restaurant.

509
00:20:45,216 --> 00:20:47,718
I hope it lays out as cleanly
as it does in my dreams.

510
00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:49,234
I hope it's cool.

511
00:20:49,266 --> 00:20:50,373
Cool, cool, cool.

512
00:20:50,464 --> 00:20:51,754
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

513
00:20:51,778 --> 00:20:54,566
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone,
including you, Dean.

514
00:21:19,795 --> 00:21:21,325
Oh, my.

515
00:21:23,572 --> 00:21:26,076
I'll have to remember this
for next year.

516
00:21:27,295 --> 00:21:37,295
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