1
00:00:00,998 --> 00:00:02,982
His name is Archie Decoste.

2
00:00:02,995 --> 00:00:06,292
Age, 22, total years spent
in high school, seven.

3
00:00:06,310 --> 00:00:08,226
Sat score zero.

4
00:00:08,268 --> 00:00:11,315
And he was recently arrested
for selling marijuana

5
00:00:11,334 --> 00:00:13,948
to a police officer
at a police station.

6
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:16,559
So, you want us to help
you recruit this idiot

7
00:00:16,565 --> 00:00:19,242
instead of an honors student
or a science genius?

8
00:00:19,255 --> 00:00:20,849
Do we go to the same Greendale?

9
00:00:20,861 --> 00:00:24,684
Ah, but let me reveal the
fortune inside this cookie.

10
00:00:24,697 --> 00:00:27,708
Family net worth, $8 million.

11
00:00:27,739 --> 00:00:30,542
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is what we

12
00:00:30,548 --> 00:00:33,625
in the community college
recruiting game call a "whale."

13
00:00:33,643 --> 00:00:36,291
The perfect mix
of low intellect,

14
00:00:36,310 --> 00:00:39,565
high lack of ambition,
and limitless parental support.

15
00:00:39,578 --> 00:00:42,335
So, a rich dumb-dumb
who will never graduate

16
00:00:42,347 --> 00:00:44,817
and keep dropping money into the
school indefinitely. Got it.

17
00:00:44,854 --> 00:00:46,687
Is there really that much
money in this, Dean,

18
00:00:46,702 --> 00:00:50,016
or is it like that endorsement deal
you made with let's potato chips?

19
00:00:50,028 --> 00:00:52,847
If you don't like the
crispy-licious taste of Let's,

20
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,474
feel free to eat
that other greasy brand.

21
00:00:55,562 --> 00:00:57,459
Splingles?
Not this guy.

22
00:00:57,471 --> 00:00:58,722
Thank you, Troy,

23
00:00:58,746 --> 00:01:03,599
and, I will explain the value
of this whale by describing one

24
00:01:03,623 --> 00:01:05,433
who's been swimming
right under your nose.

25
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:08,796
Pierce Hawthorne has taken 80%

26
00:01:08,815 --> 00:01:11,238
of Greendale's classes
more than twice.

27
00:01:11,256 --> 00:01:15,129
He is the only Greendale student
who has ever paid for a premium locker

28
00:01:15,148 --> 00:01:17,739
or the extended
pencil warranty.

29
00:01:17,779 --> 00:01:19,847
Pierce cannot know about this.

30
00:01:19,859 --> 00:01:23,815
He's a big baby who throws tantrums
when anyone else gets attention.

31
00:01:23,861 --> 00:01:26,312
Remember when Kerri Strug
visited our campus?

32
00:01:26,331 --> 00:01:27,726
- That was horrible.
- That was awful.

33
00:01:27,751 --> 00:01:30,509
I have scheduled
Archie's visit for tomorrow

34
00:01:30,534 --> 00:01:32,493
when Pierce has no classes.

35
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,451
Guys, I'm asking,

36
00:01:34,492 --> 00:01:36,455
as treasurer
of the forensics club.

37
00:01:36,474 --> 00:01:39,107
The Dean said we could use some of
the whale money for a new body farm.

38
00:01:39,131 --> 00:01:40,372
- Mmm.
- Who wants to help?

39
00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:41,836
I'm in.
Sounds like a romper.

40
00:01:41,861 --> 00:01:43,005
We do need money.

41
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:46,931
The biology department's been dissecting
the same dead pig for 10 years.

42
00:01:46,966 --> 00:01:49,927
If we land this kid,
we can buy 100 dead pigs

43
00:01:49,951 --> 00:01:51,205
and make everybody happy.

44
00:01:51,223 --> 00:01:53,391
I'll help where I can, but
I started a new PE class.

45
00:01:53,415 --> 00:01:56,493
I've been avoiding it for three years,
but you can't run from running forever.

46
00:01:56,542 --> 00:01:57,679
I'm in PE too.

47
00:01:57,697 --> 00:01:59,470
I made room in my trophy case.

48
00:01:59,521 --> 00:02:01,732
Then, I remembered classes
don't give out trophies,

49
00:02:01,757 --> 00:02:03,607
so I put a fishbowl
there instead.

50
00:02:04,037 --> 00:02:05,549
It's been quite the week.

51
00:02:05,562 --> 00:02:07,846
So, the rest of us will
have to pick up the slack,

52
00:02:07,858 --> 00:02:10,522
and, yes, Jeffrey,
I assume you're out,

53
00:02:10,559 --> 00:02:14,189
because of your track record of
literally being too cool for school.

54
00:02:14,203 --> 00:02:16,647
Actually, you can
count me in on this one.

55
00:02:16,659 --> 00:02:17,567
What?

56
00:02:17,585 --> 00:02:19,397
You had me at
"no Pierce."

57
00:02:19,519 --> 00:02:21,980
He's been all over me lately to hang out.
It's weird.

58
00:02:21,999 --> 00:02:24,344
You just want to be
a part of something.

59
00:02:24,362 --> 00:02:27,925
Admit it, Thanksgiving softened
that Winger underbelly.

60
00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:29,605
Ugh, Britta.

61
00:02:29,911 --> 00:02:33,182
Now, let's set sail
and hunt that whale!

62
00:02:33,202 --> 00:02:35,315
- Yeah.
- Hey, let's do that.

63
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:36,178
Oh!

64
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,027
You know
what the commercial says.

65
00:02:38,039 --> 00:02:40,377
"Keep your damn hands
off my Let's."

66
00:03:04,266 --> 00:03:07,409
Sync and corrections by Norther
www.addic7ed.com

67
00:03:09,239 --> 00:03:11,196
Hey, Jeff, there you are.

68
00:03:11,556 --> 00:03:14,331
I was thinking we could swing by
this great barbershop I know.

69
00:03:14,343 --> 00:03:15,720
You're looking
a little stubbly,

70
00:03:15,732 --> 00:03:17,963
and nobody handles a razor
like an Italian.

71
00:03:18,074 --> 00:03:21,859
They develop nimble fingers
from pleasing their mistresses.

72
00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:24,972
Thank you for opening my
eyes to two new stereotypes.

73
00:03:25,009 --> 00:03:26,563
Now, how can I put this?

74
00:03:26,588 --> 00:03:28,834
No.
I don't want to go.

75
00:03:28,869 --> 00:03:31,970
Not now, not ever.
No.

76
00:03:32,986 --> 00:03:34,353
No prob.

77
00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:36,765
We'll work around your skedge.

78
00:03:36,859 --> 00:03:38,002
Ah.

79
00:03:38,459 --> 00:03:39,937
- It's okay. Pierce is gone.
- Yes.

80
00:03:39,961 --> 00:03:42,488
Walking Dead has left the building.
Resume operation, Deadliest Catch.

81
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:44,721
Archie is gonna love
this banner.

82
00:03:44,751 --> 00:03:46,532
The name, brand
glitter really shows.

83
00:03:46,580 --> 00:03:47,845
Yo, yo, yo.

84
00:03:47,870 --> 00:03:50,284
School board guys
in the hizzie!

85
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:52,330
Richie, Richie, pace yourself.

86
00:03:52,442 --> 00:03:53,588
Hey, there, Dean.

87
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,395
Just thought we'd pop in
and check on the big whale hunt.

88
00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:59,293
Ah, what a day we have
planned for young Archie.

89
00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:02,509
Library tour, calculator
lab demonstration...

90
00:04:02,515 --> 00:04:03,993
And, it all culminates

91
00:04:04,024 --> 00:04:06,468
in the "spirit of
Greendale" reception.

92
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,176
Magnitude is a soft yes.

93
00:04:08,201 --> 00:04:09,489
Oh, wow, that's a get.

94
00:04:09,513 --> 00:04:11,834
As much as we love
that magnitude,

95
00:04:11,864 --> 00:04:14,508
your tour may be
lacking a little...

96
00:04:14,514 --> 00:04:16,008
Tour sucks, bro.

97
00:04:16,037 --> 00:04:18,101
- What?
- You gotta think big.

98
00:04:18,252 --> 00:04:21,786
Hookers, blow, hookers.

99
00:04:21,856 --> 00:04:23,098
He's been mixing,

100
00:04:23,272 --> 00:04:25,012
but there is some wisdom there.

101
00:04:25,024 --> 00:04:26,598
We need this whale money.

102
00:04:26,617 --> 00:04:28,323
The kid likes snowboarding.

103
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:32,743
Maybe Shaun White finds his
way on the faculty roster.

104
00:04:32,761 --> 00:04:33,771
He likes to party.

105
00:04:33,794 --> 00:04:36,314
Maybe Greendale
suddenly has a frat.

106
00:04:36,364 --> 00:04:38,538
The Delta Cubes, or whatever.

107
00:04:38,556 --> 00:04:40,076
Dean, you're not
considering this, are you?

108
00:04:40,095 --> 00:04:42,032
No, no. Greendale
stands on its own.

109
00:04:42,057 --> 00:04:43,351
No hookers, no blow,

110
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,007
no Shaun White frat.

111
00:04:45,074 --> 00:04:47,299
College dean
threatening a fraternity.

112
00:04:49,067 --> 00:04:50,868
You'll never shut down
the Delta Cubes.

113
00:04:51,070 --> 00:04:53,911
- What?
- Delta Cubes, Delta Cubes, Delta Cubes...

114
00:04:53,943 --> 00:04:56,071
Look, it's your call, Craig.

115
00:04:56,089 --> 00:04:58,571
Don't let this whale swim away.

116
00:04:58,770 --> 00:05:01,888
Cruise by Skeeper's
Express for a refill?

117
00:05:01,932 --> 00:05:04,225
I'll second that motion.

118
00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:08,175
I've been working
on my victory dances.

119
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,077
Basketball, football,

120
00:05:11,172 --> 00:05:12,970
and crab soccer.

121
00:05:12,988 --> 00:05:14,476
That one's the hard one.

122
00:05:14,528 --> 00:05:16,067
Well, that's nice.

123
00:05:16,085 --> 00:05:18,281
Hey, when I was
in grade school,

124
00:05:18,306 --> 00:05:21,750
PE was about being picked
on and picked last,

125
00:05:21,818 --> 00:05:23,847
but, you'll put me
on your team, right?

126
00:05:23,858 --> 00:05:26,005
- Right, but also, wrong.
- Ah.

127
00:05:26,048 --> 00:05:27,729
PE's about
survival of the fittest.

128
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,216
Line up, class.

129
00:05:31,982 --> 00:05:34,726
Welcome to PEE
I'm coach Jason Chapman.

130
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,456
Physical education education?

131
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,850
I thought that was a typo
in the course cartalogue.

132
00:05:38,868 --> 00:05:40,435
It started as a typo,

133
00:05:40,462 --> 00:05:42,056
but it's grown
into one of Greendale's

134
00:05:42,068 --> 00:05:43,883
most successful programs.

135
00:05:44,002 --> 00:05:45,441
Anyone can take PE.

136
00:05:45,522 --> 00:05:47,994
I teach my student coaches
to teach PE.

137
00:05:50,009 --> 00:05:52,137
- Something funny, coach Barnes?
- No, it's just...

138
00:05:52,763 --> 00:05:54,611
You're teaching us
how to be gym teachers.

139
00:05:54,635 --> 00:05:55,974
Gym teachers?

140
00:05:56,062 --> 00:05:58,195
A gym is a building,

141
00:05:58,434 --> 00:06:00,783
a man-made structure
inside which

142
00:06:00,802 --> 00:06:02,489
physical education teachers

143
00:06:02,527 --> 00:06:05,764
teach physical education to
physical education students.

144
00:06:05,792 --> 00:06:06,997
Pop quiz, coach Barnes,

145
00:06:07,021 --> 00:06:09,222
a student is choking
on a plastic golf ball.

146
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:10,397
- What do you do?
- I...

147
00:06:10,449 --> 00:06:13,804
How many orange cones does it take
to line a regulation soccer field?

148
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,213
What if students are
talking during stretches?

149
00:06:16,695 --> 00:06:18,603
When my kids talk past bedtime,

150
00:06:18,627 --> 00:06:20,494
I use my angry voice,
and I say,

151
00:06:20,512 --> 00:06:23,392
"the next peep I hear will be the last."
And I give 'em one of these.

152
00:06:23,908 --> 00:06:25,341
Not bad, coach Bennett.

153
00:06:26,073 --> 00:06:28,041
- Look at me!
- I see you.

154
00:06:31,004 --> 00:06:32,383
Two hours late?

155
00:06:32,399 --> 00:06:35,194
This is exactly the lack of follow-through
that makes Archie so appealing,

156
00:06:35,206 --> 00:06:37,774
but still, send a text, right?

157
00:06:37,878 --> 00:06:41,166
Okay, Abed, I told you we're
not doing the fraternity idea.

158
00:06:41,179 --> 00:06:42,775
The Delta Cubes will never die.

159
00:06:42,804 --> 00:06:44,247
We've only just begun to fight.

160
00:06:44,259 --> 00:06:46,070
You only began yesterday.

161
00:06:46,397 --> 00:06:47,980
Whale, ho!
Look alive, everyone.

162
00:06:47,998 --> 00:06:49,728
Hey, what are you guys
all doing out here?

163
00:06:49,746 --> 00:06:51,975
Oh, no! Pierce will
ruin everything!

164
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:53,964
What's an Archie?
Why does he get a banner?

165
00:06:53,991 --> 00:06:56,391
Jeff!
Do something.

166
00:06:57,637 --> 00:06:58,451
Oh!

167
00:06:59,792 --> 00:07:01,425
Ugh.

168
00:07:02,676 --> 00:07:03,945
There you are, Pierce.

169
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,564
Thought you were
gonna cancel our plans.

170
00:07:05,604 --> 00:07:07,585
- Plans?
- To spend the entire day

171
00:07:07,610 --> 00:07:09,991
together away
from everyone else.

172
00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,830
Oh, yeah!
Those plans.

173
00:07:13,998 --> 00:07:14,923
Suck it, bozos.

174
00:07:14,947 --> 00:07:16,661
You're getting ditched
by the cool kids.

175
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,291
Oh, what a day
we're gonna have.

176
00:07:18,296 --> 00:07:20,402
Text me the instant
I can ditch him.

177
00:07:20,528 --> 00:07:22,394
- Oh!
- Hey, guys.

178
00:07:22,415 --> 00:07:23,428
Sweet campus.

179
00:07:23,434 --> 00:07:25,301
Welcome to Greendale.
I'm bean Pelton.

180
00:07:25,313 --> 00:07:27,165
"Bean Pelton?"
Dean Pelton.

181
00:07:27,182 --> 00:07:28,560
Gosh, I'm nervous.

182
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:30,465
Please enroll in our school.
Please, please.

183
00:07:30,494 --> 00:07:32,557
Nice scooter, Archie.

184
00:07:32,569 --> 00:07:34,482
Yeah, city college gave
it to me as a present.

185
00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:35,761
- City college?
- Mmm-hmm.

186
00:07:35,769 --> 00:07:37,045
City college
bought you a vespa?

187
00:07:37,075 --> 00:07:39,045
Brand-new.

188
00:07:40,087 --> 00:07:42,107
So, Archie,
have you heard about

189
00:07:42,126 --> 00:07:45,690
our half-pipes and hash pipes class,
taught by professor Shaun White?

190
00:07:45,714 --> 00:07:47,302
- What?
- Yeah, let me tell you about it

191
00:07:47,326 --> 00:07:49,558
in our Mountain Dew
cool zone tent.

192
00:07:49,710 --> 00:07:51,661
Put up a tent, write "Mountain
Dew" on it, make it cool.

193
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:54,691
Ah, here we go. Let's keep going.
This is our library.

194
00:07:57,545 --> 00:07:58,898
Okay.

195
00:07:58,929 --> 00:08:01,943
Archie, why don't you
"hang ten" on the web

196
00:08:01,962 --> 00:08:04,201
while I talk business,
and you know what?

197
00:08:04,221 --> 00:08:05,420
You can take that computer.

198
00:08:05,438 --> 00:08:06,761
Wah!
Sweet!

199
00:08:06,799 --> 00:08:08,782
My friends and I can
drop it off an overpass.

200
00:08:08,812 --> 00:08:10,710
Ah, I shouldn't
have heard that.

201
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,184
Dean, you're giving him
our computers?

202
00:08:13,203 --> 00:08:17,359
He is a 22-year-old stoner-head
whose parents bought him a GED.

203
00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:18,911
Which college is he
going to choose?

204
00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:22,097
Vespa state, or "ooh, look
at our library" university?

205
00:08:22,112 --> 00:08:24,012
Those school board guys
were right.

206
00:08:24,057 --> 00:08:26,416
- Britta, where do we get drugs?
- Really?

207
00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:28,218
Look who stumbled
onto the high road.

208
00:08:28,232 --> 00:08:29,698
This is a slippery slope.

209
00:08:29,738 --> 00:08:32,745
Well, city college slipped that slope
when they slipped him that scooter,

210
00:08:32,776 --> 00:08:36,260
but they sure slipped up when they
let him set foot on our soil.

211
00:08:37,027 --> 00:08:39,583
Three, two, one!

212
00:08:40,933 --> 00:08:42,856
Time!

213
00:08:43,252 --> 00:08:45,506
Coach Barnes, it seems
dodge ball storage

214
00:08:45,518 --> 00:08:47,261
isn't quite in your skill set,

215
00:08:47,283 --> 00:08:48,733
much like table tennis prep.

216
00:08:50,056 --> 00:08:51,872
Excellent job, coach Bennett.

217
00:08:51,921 --> 00:08:54,933
You have the spatial reasoning
skills of a young Kevin Miller,

218
00:08:55,132 --> 00:08:57,265
a really good PE teacher
I know.

219
00:08:57,349 --> 00:09:00,881
The skill of ranking others in
order of ability is crucial.

220
00:09:01,043 --> 00:09:03,907
In this next drill, our
two best student coaches

221
00:09:03,942 --> 00:09:05,822
will split the rest
of the class,

222
00:09:05,865 --> 00:09:07,024
coach Bennett, coach Neil.

223
00:09:07,054 --> 00:09:08,565
- Yeah!
- Pick your teams.

224
00:09:08,601 --> 00:09:10,477
- Coach Donovan.
- Coach Goldman.

225
00:09:10,498 --> 00:09:12,006
- Coach McKenna.
- Coach Cutler.

226
00:09:12,024 --> 00:09:13,930
- Coach Winston.
- Ooh, coach Dornetto.

227
00:09:13,955 --> 00:09:15,967
- Coach Guest.
- Coach Panos!

228
00:09:16,274 --> 00:09:17,224
Oh.

229
00:09:17,248 --> 00:09:18,659
Choose wisely.

230
00:09:18,861 --> 00:09:22,755
You're one decision away
from victory or defeat.

231
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,567
Coach...

232
00:09:26,084 --> 00:09:26,967
Marzec.

233
00:09:26,973 --> 00:09:28,419
Oh, yay!

234
00:09:28,438 --> 00:09:29,782
Well picked, coach Bennett.

235
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,740
Your team wins!

236
00:09:31,774 --> 00:09:33,514
Oh, we won!
Nice!

237
00:09:33,552 --> 00:09:35,657
Ah, the barbershop.

238
00:09:35,758 --> 00:09:38,805
A reminder of a bygone era
when men were men,

239
00:09:38,817 --> 00:09:41,894
and women were sex
cooks who did laundry.

240
00:09:41,919 --> 00:09:43,885
I've been getting a daily
shave here for decades.

241
00:09:43,897 --> 00:09:47,085
And apparently, reading the same
eight magazines the entire time.

242
00:09:47,103 --> 00:09:48,952
Yeah, National Geographic's
got some

243
00:09:48,964 --> 00:09:51,280
tribal boob shots
that are exquisite.

244
00:09:51,301 --> 00:09:52,811
There's something
about a breast

245
00:09:52,835 --> 00:09:54,927
that's never been touched
by white hands.

246
00:09:55,206 --> 00:09:57,242
You are a complicated man.

247
00:09:57,358 --> 00:10:01,261
Silvio, spin up
lucky number seven.

248
00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:07,450
You know what?
That feels good,

249
00:10:07,469 --> 00:10:09,241
I'll give you that.

250
00:10:10,095 --> 00:10:11,554
Now, that soda goblet

251
00:10:11,566 --> 00:10:13,847
gets you free refills
in the cafeteria,

252
00:10:13,871 --> 00:10:17,156
and it was painted
by our professor Ed Hardy...

253
00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:19,017
- Whoa!
- Who teaches bikini class.

254
00:10:19,048 --> 00:10:20,686
Oh, yeah!

255
00:10:21,422 --> 00:10:23,417
Whoa, check out that bling!

256
00:10:23,461 --> 00:10:24,998
I want that.

257
00:10:25,018 --> 00:10:27,751
You heard him, Annie!
Bling the king!

258
00:10:27,767 --> 00:10:29,185
Yeah, just take it off of him.

259
00:10:29,203 --> 00:10:30,588
- There you go.
- Thank you.

260
00:10:30,594 --> 00:10:31,848
Delta Cubes!

261
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:33,982
Prepare to bond
through embarrassment.

262
00:10:33,994 --> 00:10:35,842
Pacifiers in!

263
00:10:36,284 --> 00:10:37,293
Commence...

264
00:10:37,425 --> 00:10:38,376
Code Dean!
Code Dean!

265
00:10:38,394 --> 00:10:41,496
Gosh dean it, Abed!
I told you, no fraternities!

266
00:10:42,751 --> 00:10:44,561
There's soda all over my kicks!

267
00:10:44,580 --> 00:10:47,645
Britta, give Archie your scarf
so he can dry his kicks.

268
00:10:47,664 --> 00:10:49,477
Dry his kicks, Britta.
Put your back into it!

269
00:10:49,495 --> 00:10:52,004
No!
Line drawn!

270
00:10:52,382 --> 00:10:54,553
If I wanted to wait
on a rich man hand and foot,

271
00:10:54,578 --> 00:10:57,978
I would've gone to Dubai what
that sheik I met at trader Joe's.

272
00:10:58,828 --> 00:11:00,904
Don't worry about her, Archie.

273
00:11:00,924 --> 00:11:04,659
Onward to
the Microbrew Pizzatorium!

274
00:11:04,849 --> 00:11:08,322
I think all a man needs in life
is a close shave, a cold beer,

275
00:11:08,353 --> 00:11:10,786
and you know,
maybe a faithful dog.

276
00:11:10,811 --> 00:11:13,977
Hmm, I had a chocolate lab
growing up, Rosie.

277
00:11:13,996 --> 00:11:15,071
Oh.

278
00:11:15,248 --> 00:11:17,715
She used to wake me up every
morning by licking my feet.

279
00:11:17,746 --> 00:11:20,259
Mine was Walter,
a German Shepherd.

280
00:11:20,393 --> 00:11:22,310
Followed me to school
every day.

281
00:11:22,347 --> 00:11:25,343
I'd look out the window,
and there he was,

282
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:28,273
dropping a steaming
fat one on the lawn.

283
00:11:28,304 --> 00:11:31,950
Would someone please tell me
why I've been shaving my own face

284
00:11:31,981 --> 00:11:34,047
all these years like a sucker?

285
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:39,497
This state-of-the-art
mock locker room,

286
00:11:39,503 --> 00:11:42,181
or "mocker room,"
simulates the conditions

287
00:11:42,205 --> 00:11:43,671
of an actual locker room.

288
00:11:43,693 --> 00:11:45,483
Don't we have
an actual locker room?

289
00:11:45,507 --> 00:11:47,135
You think you're ready
for that, coach Barnes?

290
00:11:48,849 --> 00:11:50,749
For our next drill,
drama students

291
00:11:50,757 --> 00:11:52,611
will play the role
of PE students,

292
00:11:52,623 --> 00:11:55,362
and each of you will oversee them
in a "mocker room" setting.

293
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:58,072
My character just had
her first period.

294
00:11:58,091 --> 00:11:59,488
Mine has eczema!

295
00:11:59,518 --> 00:12:01,145
Coach Bennett,
care to go first?

296
00:12:01,182 --> 00:12:02,429
Yes!

297
00:12:05,146 --> 00:12:07,053
Keep yo hands to yourself!

298
00:12:07,072 --> 00:12:09,040
Running will get you
five laps, mister!

299
00:12:09,135 --> 00:12:10,301
- Ow!
- Joey!

300
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,303
I will come in that shower
and kick yo bare ass!

301
00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:14,528
Sorry, coach Bennett.

302
00:12:14,547 --> 00:12:17,625
I have never seen such
natural disciplinary skills.

303
00:12:17,662 --> 00:12:19,052
You're up next, coach Barnes.

304
00:12:19,104 --> 00:12:20,805
Entertain us
with your ineptitude.

305
00:12:24,434 --> 00:12:26,253
How's the foam machine
coming, Leonard?

306
00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:28,419
Memories will be made tonight.

307
00:12:28,437 --> 00:12:29,227
Destiny!

308
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,996
Oh, thank you for coming
on such short notice.

309
00:12:31,029 --> 00:12:32,730
Well, I did get
your Christmas card.

310
00:12:32,761 --> 00:12:35,260
Look... no, so... no, no,
no time to pre-party.

311
00:12:35,301 --> 00:12:38,075
You and the girls get in
position and wait for my signal.

312
00:12:38,162 --> 00:12:39,148
Strippers?

313
00:12:39,173 --> 00:12:40,471
Oh, tons.

314
00:12:40,508 --> 00:12:42,542
- It's good for the school.
- Mmm-hmm.

315
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:44,943
The whale is here.
Balloon drop, go!

316
00:12:49,230 --> 00:12:50,436
There you go.

317
00:12:50,442 --> 00:12:52,359
Release the whores.

318
00:12:52,382 --> 00:12:55,183
- Oh, yeah.
- No way!

319
00:12:57,890 --> 00:12:59,449
Pierce.

320
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:01,854
I was wrong about this shop.

321
00:13:02,035 --> 00:13:03,895
It really is special.

322
00:13:03,914 --> 00:13:06,329
Well, if you like the place so
much, why don't you gay marry it?

323
00:13:13,489 --> 00:13:14,961
You probably
didn't notice it, Jeff,

324
00:13:14,980 --> 00:13:17,780
but I've been subtly trying
to get us some alone time.

325
00:13:17,819 --> 00:13:19,719
I might've picked up on that.

326
00:13:19,922 --> 00:13:22,440
I'm no stranger
to father issues,

327
00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:24,826
so I know confronting your
dad couldn't have been easy,

328
00:13:24,857 --> 00:13:27,706
and I just want to say
I'm proud of you.

329
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,701
Well...

330
00:13:30,171 --> 00:13:32,539
If you're so proud...

331
00:13:32,881 --> 00:13:34,685
Why don't you gay marry me?

332
00:13:37,256 --> 00:13:38,930
You guys, behave!

333
00:13:39,128 --> 00:13:41,747
Hit the showers!
Everybody in the showers!

334
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,352
Please stop hitting each other!

335
00:13:43,377 --> 00:13:45,927
Hit the showers!
Cut! Scene!

336
00:13:46,205 --> 00:13:47,174
Shirley, help.

337
00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:49,627
I can't control these drama
students or their characters.

338
00:13:49,919 --> 00:13:51,428
No! No!

339
00:13:51,453 --> 00:13:53,519
PE is survival
of the fittest, Troy.

340
00:13:57,876 --> 00:13:59,913
Hey, your phone's buzzing.

341
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:03,366
Ooh, it's from Annie.
You sly dog.

342
00:14:03,390 --> 00:14:07,086
"Need more time.
Keep Pierce busy."

343
00:14:07,244 --> 00:14:08,501
Keep me busy?

344
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:12,696
Look, the group is giving
some big shot a tour,

345
00:14:12,733 --> 00:14:15,251
so it's my job
to keep you busy.

346
00:14:15,263 --> 00:14:16,779
You know how you get jealous.

347
00:14:16,834 --> 00:14:18,876
So, that's why you
spent the day with me?

348
00:14:18,894 --> 00:14:20,512
You drew the short straw.

349
00:14:20,521 --> 00:14:22,110
Well, that's how it started,

350
00:14:22,122 --> 00:14:24,952
but I really did end up
having a good time.

351
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:29,113
Yeah, I used to regret not
having a son to bring here.

352
00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:30,626
I'm glad I didn't have kids.

353
00:14:30,759 --> 00:14:34,382
They just end up
disappointing you.

354
00:14:41,204 --> 00:14:43,210
So Archie, having a good time?

355
00:14:43,356 --> 00:14:45,554
Gettin' crazy up in this club?

356
00:14:45,572 --> 00:14:47,226
Sicker than ever, bro!

357
00:14:47,244 --> 00:14:48,731
I've made my decision, Dean.

358
00:14:48,748 --> 00:14:51,095
I'm about to get all up
in this Greendale.

359
00:14:51,876 --> 00:14:53,322
Whoo!

360
00:14:53,992 --> 00:14:55,934
Human beings, it's official!

361
00:14:55,939 --> 00:14:58,346
Say hello
to our newest Greendalian,

362
00:14:58,364 --> 00:14:59,961
Archie Decoste!

363
00:15:01,855 --> 00:15:03,167
Pop pop!

364
00:15:03,186 --> 00:15:04,825
Pop pop!

365
00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:07,093
I want that to be my thing now.

366
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,543
I don't think you can do that.

367
00:15:12,599 --> 00:15:16,422
Magnitude, you're not to
say "pop pop" ever again.

368
00:15:16,767 --> 00:15:18,344
Not pop?

369
00:15:18,367 --> 00:15:20,052
That's right.
Find a new thing.

370
00:15:20,227 --> 00:15:21,115
Get him out of here.

371
00:15:21,133 --> 00:15:23,609
Ah! Here we go!
We're back!

372
00:15:32,611 --> 00:15:35,912
Pop pop!

373
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:44,160
Well, we did it.
We did what we had to do,

374
00:15:44,173 --> 00:15:45,666
and I feel great about it.

375
00:15:45,733 --> 00:15:48,141
- It's all for Greendale.
- All for Greendale.

376
00:15:48,153 --> 00:15:50,891
Oh, you look pretty sad for someone
whose forensics club can now afford

377
00:15:50,915 --> 00:15:52,893
that state-of-the-art
body farm.

378
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:53,724
Mmm!

379
00:15:53,743 --> 00:15:55,172
I can smell the corpses now.

380
00:15:55,184 --> 00:15:56,606
None of this
is weighing on you?

381
00:15:57,353 --> 00:15:58,048
Sha!

382
00:15:58,053 --> 00:16:00,459
The only thing weighing on me is
tons and tons of whale money.

383
00:16:00,478 --> 00:16:02,766
- Ah, Jeffrey.
- Hey. Landed a whale, huh?

384
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,354
Yeah, but I'm starting
to feel like maybe we...

385
00:16:05,379 --> 00:16:06,917
Okay, Archie
goes to Greendale now.

386
00:16:06,935 --> 00:16:08,109
We're moving forward, Annie!

387
00:16:08,115 --> 00:16:09,491
Okay, we all paid a price.

388
00:16:09,509 --> 00:16:10,840
You don't hear
Jeffrey grumbling,

389
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,837
and, he had to spend a whole
day with walking dead.

390
00:16:12,849 --> 00:16:14,197
Well, that's true.
You know what?

391
00:16:14,216 --> 00:16:16,170
I can't believe
I'm gonna say this.

392
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,236
Don't talk about Pierce
like that.

393
00:16:18,267 --> 00:16:20,972
Look, maybe the only reason
he can be so unpleasant

394
00:16:20,991 --> 00:16:23,110
is because we expect him to be.

395
00:16:23,192 --> 00:16:25,587
If we don't treat him
like such a dick...

396
00:16:25,674 --> 00:16:27,842
Well, he'll probably still
be one 98% of the time,

397
00:16:27,873 --> 00:16:30,211
but the 2% he's tolerable,

398
00:16:30,351 --> 00:16:32,118
it might be worth it.

399
00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:36,794
Well, who put the salt
in his cereal, huh?

400
00:16:37,450 --> 00:16:40,584
Look, I, for one, am still proud
of what we did for Greendale.

401
00:16:42,911 --> 00:16:46,872
I've been up all night
trying out new catchphrases.

402
00:16:49,485 --> 00:16:51,286
Diggity doo?

403
00:16:52,423 --> 00:16:54,658
My God, what have we done?

404
00:16:55,574 --> 00:16:58,215
I thought you dropped pee.

405
00:16:58,233 --> 00:17:01,333
I did, but I lost my
keys in the mocker.

406
00:17:01,352 --> 00:17:03,996
I had to hitchhike home last
night in a burrito truck.

407
00:17:04,105 --> 00:17:05,690
It's not as fun as it sounds.

408
00:17:05,808 --> 00:17:07,995
I'm sorry for how
I acted in class.

409
00:17:08,013 --> 00:17:10,973
Don't apologize. You were the
fittest, and you survived.

410
00:17:11,177 --> 00:17:13,646
Still, no one deserves
to be mocked

411
00:17:13,674 --> 00:17:16,046
for being mock-locked
in a mock locker.

412
00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:18,699
Friends should help
friends survive.

413
00:17:18,711 --> 00:17:20,121
Ah! Oh, geez!

414
00:17:20,151 --> 00:17:22,996
Hi.
Ah, ah, ah!

415
00:17:23,014 --> 00:17:25,165
So, I'm going to help you learn

416
00:17:25,188 --> 00:17:27,815
to teach the most unteachable
student there is.

417
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,435
- Well done, coach Barnes.
- I can't breathe.

418
00:18:01,468 --> 00:18:02,934
You as well, coach Bennett.

419
00:18:03,223 --> 00:18:05,426
You know, I was supposed
to teach you two

420
00:18:05,445 --> 00:18:06,713
to teach other people,

421
00:18:06,732 --> 00:18:07,791
but instead,

422
00:18:07,824 --> 00:18:09,519
you ended up teaching me.

423
00:18:09,531 --> 00:18:10,925
Oh.

424
00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:12,904
I did it!

425
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,048
I used the water fountain.

426
00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:19,539
Archie, wake up!

427
00:18:19,637 --> 00:18:22,238
Chillax, bro.
It's not even noon.

428
00:18:22,253 --> 00:18:24,608
I will neither chill nor relax.

429
00:18:24,626 --> 00:18:27,898
All this hoopla is not
what Greendale really is.

430
00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:30,698
Greendale is
a nice welcome banner.

431
00:18:30,723 --> 00:18:33,264
Greendale is
a foamless cafeteria.

432
00:18:33,289 --> 00:18:38,112
And Greendale is Magnitude
saying "pop pop."

433
00:18:38,224 --> 00:18:40,032
Now, I am a man
of very little integrity,

434
00:18:40,051 --> 00:18:43,574
and I let students get away with
practically anything on this campus,

435
00:18:43,597 --> 00:18:46,365
but I will not allow Greendale

436
00:18:46,505 --> 00:18:48,941
to lose the things
that make it Greendale.

437
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:51,361
Now, Archie, I would love for
you to enroll in my school,

438
00:18:51,373 --> 00:18:53,331
but I will not
change it for you.

439
00:18:53,638 --> 00:18:56,726
Greendale will stay Greendale,

440
00:18:57,116 --> 00:18:58,883
no matter what.

441
00:19:00,501 --> 00:19:01,473
You know what?

442
00:19:01,498 --> 00:19:05,487
Everybody kisses my ass
because my dad is loaded,

443
00:19:05,682 --> 00:19:07,664
and they always give me
free stuff,

444
00:19:07,707 --> 00:19:09,505
like that jet ski I sunk,

445
00:19:09,578 --> 00:19:11,077
but it would be pretty sweet

446
00:19:11,197 --> 00:19:12,983
to be treated
like a normal dude...

447
00:19:13,771 --> 00:19:15,074
So I'm in.

448
00:19:17,270 --> 00:19:18,296
Magnitude.

449
00:19:18,321 --> 00:19:20,221
You usually
have the perfect blend

450
00:19:20,233 --> 00:19:24,553
of brevity and wit that sums
up situations like this.

451
00:19:24,842 --> 00:19:26,008
Pop pop!

452
00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:27,251
Yay!

453
00:19:27,263 --> 00:19:28,831
Oh, that's so good!

454
00:19:28,843 --> 00:19:29,854
So good!

455
00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:34,655
I think we all learned today that
all human beings deserve dignity.

456
00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,596
Delta Cubes!
Delta Cubes!

457
00:19:37,614 --> 00:19:41,678
Delta Cubes! Delta Cubes!
Delta Cubes! Delta Cubes!

458
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:44,282
Delta Cubes,
operation, slack attack!

459
00:19:44,295 --> 00:19:45,226
Slack attack?

460
00:19:45,263 --> 00:19:47,142
Ah!

461
00:19:47,719 --> 00:19:49,424
Delta Cubes!
Delta Cubes!

462
00:19:49,436 --> 00:19:51,354
Mark my words, Delta Cubes,

463
00:19:51,381 --> 00:19:54,015
you'll pay for this!

464
00:20:02,838 --> 00:20:04,138
is this seat taken?

465
00:20:04,178 --> 00:20:05,870
Free country.

466
00:20:11,612 --> 00:20:13,762
You know, I was thinking

467
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:16,443
I might start coming here
more often.

468
00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:20,042
I like the vibe.

469
00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:25,252
You know what sport
I never got?

470
00:20:25,426 --> 00:20:26,959
Golf.

471
00:20:28,368 --> 00:20:29,881
No argument here.

472
00:20:29,931 --> 00:20:31,979
They lost me immediately
with the clown clothes.

473
00:20:32,005 --> 00:20:34,193
You know, I belong to a
dozen country clubs.

474
00:20:34,218 --> 00:20:35,311
Never played.

475
00:20:35,357 --> 00:20:37,487
I just spend my time
hitting on the waitresses.

476
00:20:37,549 --> 00:20:39,934
There's something about
a country club waitress

477
00:20:39,946 --> 00:20:43,006
that just makes you wanna
pay your dues every year.

478
00:21:00,780 --> 00:21:03,411
Get your damn hand
off of my Let's!

479
00:21:06,063 --> 00:21:07,964
Honestly, after all that,
you still eat splingles?

480
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:09,263
Uh, yeah, Troy.

481
00:21:09,281 --> 00:21:11,211
Splingles have 30% less fat.

482
00:21:11,288 --> 00:21:13,321
They're the fit chip.

483
00:21:14,018 --> 00:21:16,671
You know, I kinda have a headache.
Maybe you should go home.

484
00:21:18,564 --> 00:21:23,564
Sync and corrections by Norther
www.addic7ed.com