1
00:00:03,216 --> 00:00:04,998
It's open!

2
00:00:05,116 --> 00:00:09,586
Look at us. Our group's
first grown-up Christmas party.

3
00:00:09,602 --> 00:00:11,602
Thanks for hosting.
I hope you don't mind.

4
00:00:11,614 --> 00:00:13,119
I brought a few things
just to make the place

5
00:00:13,132 --> 00:00:15,897
look a little less short-term
corporate housing.

6
00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:18,463
Oh, well,
mi casa es su art project.

7
00:00:18,553 --> 00:00:19,803
Cool.

8
00:00:20,172 --> 00:00:23,341
Figured just a little
something there,

9
00:00:23,352 --> 00:00:25,857
a little zhuzh right there.

10
00:00:25,913 --> 00:00:28,408
Just a few things
to add a little Annie.

11
00:00:28,434 --> 00:00:29,809
Annie, do we have to have
another talk

12
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:31,913
about you wanting
to play house with me?

13
00:00:31,947 --> 00:00:35,749
Sha.
Sha-na-not.

14
00:00:35,823 --> 00:00:38,732
I'm just decorating
for a party.

15
00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:41,466
Oh, I saw these curtains,
and I couldn't resist.

16
00:00:41,478 --> 00:00:42,750
Let's just live with them
for a night.

17
00:00:42,769 --> 00:00:45,783
We can totally return them.
Oh, let's totally return them.

18
00:00:45,803 --> 00:00:48,888
Jeff.
Live with them for one night.

19
00:00:48,947 --> 00:00:52,174
Actually, these will also work
for Valentine's Day,

20
00:00:52,199 --> 00:00:54,362
Presidents Day,
whenever people get to see it.

21
00:00:55,108 --> 00:00:57,990
Annie, what is this?

22
00:00:58,096 --> 00:00:59,158
Oh.

23
00:00:59,214 --> 00:01:00,938
I know we said no gifts,

24
00:01:00,959 --> 00:01:03,160
but I couldn't resist.

25
00:01:03,259 --> 00:01:06,146
You realize you've just put your
friends in a very awkward position.

26
00:01:06,165 --> 00:01:08,503
A gift creates obligation.

27
00:01:08,530 --> 00:01:09,919
I don't see it that way.

28
00:01:09,932 --> 00:01:12,557
Well, I do, and I think the
others will too.

29
00:01:12,943 --> 00:01:14,088
Merry Christmas.

30
00:01:14,113 --> 00:01:16,180
I know we said no gifts,
but I couldn't resist.

31
00:01:16,217 --> 00:01:18,385
Oh, who couldn't have seen
that coming?

32
00:01:18,410 --> 00:01:20,235
Oh, Annie, I love
what you did with the place.

33
00:01:20,259 --> 00:01:22,448
It's a work in progress.

34
00:01:22,659 --> 00:01:25,244
Good tidings,
fellow Christmas celebrators.

35
00:01:25,277 --> 00:01:26,533
And to all a good wassailing.

36
00:01:26,551 --> 00:01:29,114
I know we said no gifts,
but we couldn't resist.

37
00:01:29,138 --> 00:01:32,851
There's a real problem
with resistance in this group.

38
00:01:33,184 --> 00:01:36,784
Hi. Thank you all so much for
inviting me to my first Christmas.

39
00:01:36,970 --> 00:01:40,828
Oh, Annie explained to me that
"no gifts" means "bring gifts."

40
00:01:40,859 --> 00:01:42,908
I'm getting it.
No means yes.

41
00:01:45,422 --> 00:01:47,921
So this is Christmas.
Just this.

42
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,636
I was hoping we could do
a Die Hard in a restaurant.

43
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:50,874
There's a place
called Nakatomi Sushi.

44
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,996
I hear the Hans Grouper
is to die for.

45
00:01:53,037 --> 00:01:55,426
Come on, people, it's all spelled out in
your evites. I know you opened them.

46
00:01:55,439 --> 00:01:56,782
Oh, I brought gifts.

47
00:01:56,807 --> 00:01:58,367
Does Annie live here now?

48
00:01:58,942 --> 00:02:00,780
Okay.

49
00:02:00,892 --> 00:02:02,734
Now that we're all here...

50
00:02:02,798 --> 00:02:04,492
Oh, wait.
Where's Pierce?

51
00:02:04,523 --> 00:02:06,929
Oh, sensitivity training
with Gilbert.

52
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,295
Apparently watching Invictus
didn't do the trick.

53
00:02:09,366 --> 00:02:10,443
Oh. Okay.

54
00:02:10,461 --> 00:02:12,550
Well, now that we are all here,

55
00:02:12,598 --> 00:02:15,570
I have some good news
and some bad news.

56
00:02:15,588 --> 00:02:17,489
Great.
Black licorice?

57
00:02:17,514 --> 00:02:19,188
I have to start
with the bad news.

58
00:02:19,254 --> 00:02:21,283
It's about our history paper.

59
00:02:21,314 --> 00:02:23,988
I heard through back channels
we got a failing grade.

60
00:02:24,025 --> 00:02:25,742
- All: What?
- Kendra told me.

61
00:02:25,768 --> 00:02:27,717
She does assistant work
for Professor cornwallis.

62
00:02:27,753 --> 00:02:29,565
I'll bet she does.

63
00:02:29,604 --> 00:02:31,504
We failed?
This is terrible.

64
00:02:31,523 --> 00:02:33,688
I need that paper to graduate.

65
00:02:33,728 --> 00:02:34,884
Who screwed up their section?

66
00:02:34,915 --> 00:02:36,631
- Jeff, it doesn't matter.
- No, it matters to me.

67
00:02:36,671 --> 00:02:39,146
I want to know who cost me
my early graduation.

68
00:02:39,164 --> 00:02:41,042
- I didn't do anything wrong.
- I worked really hard.

69
00:02:41,075 --> 00:02:43,496
Guys, there's no need
to point fingers,

70
00:02:43,508 --> 00:02:45,370
because I haven't told you
the good news.

71
00:02:45,383 --> 00:02:47,173
I invited the Professor
to our party tonight.

72
00:02:47,205 --> 00:02:48,972
- Annie!
- What? How is that better?

73
00:02:48,997 --> 00:02:51,251
No, no, Annie's right.
This could work.

74
00:02:51,269 --> 00:02:53,226
I mean, the grade isn't etched
in stone.

75
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,187
I mean, these British guys like
to socialize with their students.

76
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:58,359
We just need to show him
a good time,

77
00:02:58,384 --> 00:03:01,795
laugh at his jokes, love whatever he
loves, and by the end of the night

78
00:03:01,839 --> 00:03:04,425
I bet you we can get that grade
back up to a "C".

79
00:03:04,456 --> 00:03:05,722
Who knows?
Maybe even an "A".

80
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:06,972
Or something realistic.

81
00:03:07,006 --> 00:03:08,861
And just like that
our pleasant holiday party

82
00:03:08,873 --> 00:03:10,881
turned into a tense,
high-stakes secret mission.

83
00:03:10,912 --> 00:03:13,197
No costumes.
No funny voices.

84
00:03:13,248 --> 00:03:14,882
- Oh.
- Okay.

85
00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,608
But, for the purpose
of story symmetry,

86
00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:18,902
I suggest we wait here silently
until the Professor arrives.

87
00:03:18,936 --> 00:03:20,901
It's the only real plot point
we need next.

88
00:03:25,965 --> 00:03:27,365
Oh, what...
this is ridic...

89
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:55,465
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

90
00:03:56,233 --> 00:03:58,170
Hi!

91
00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,681
I'm sorry.
I can't stay long.

92
00:03:59,703 --> 00:04:01,453
I've got my daughter in town.

93
00:04:01,472 --> 00:04:03,291
Didn't want to appear rude.

94
00:04:03,554 --> 00:04:06,447
Was I expected to bring a gift?

95
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,619
No.
Nor was anyone else.

96
00:04:09,643 --> 00:04:11,452
Can I show you around,
starting with the bar?

97
00:04:11,483 --> 00:04:13,844
A lovely place.
Very feminine.

98
00:04:14,944 --> 00:04:17,475
Did you hear him use
"feminine" as an insult?

99
00:04:17,513 --> 00:04:19,847
Typical phallo-centric
worldview.

100
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:23,775
I bet he gave us a failing grade
because he could tell my section

101
00:04:23,794 --> 00:04:26,006
was written
by a strong, independent...

102
00:04:26,030 --> 00:04:27,970
Would you excuse me?
I've just seen an old friend.

103
00:04:27,988 --> 00:04:30,383
Hurry back soon.

104
00:04:31,127 --> 00:04:34,247
Hey, Abed,
got you an early Christmas gift.

105
00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:36,909
I know you were bummed about not
doing Die Hard in a restaurant.

106
00:04:36,987 --> 00:04:39,937
And your recent divorce.

107
00:04:39,982 --> 00:04:42,498
To Abed:
Yippee-ki-yay, Father Christmas.

108
00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:45,410
I tried to get you "taking off shoes,"
but I didn't know how to wrap it.

109
00:04:45,542 --> 00:04:47,076
John McClane's tank top?

110
00:04:47,159 --> 00:04:49,761
You're getting really good
at Christmas, Troy.

111
00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:52,181
- Ooh, things I've never seen before.
- It's Macallan Eighteen.

112
00:04:52,206 --> 00:04:54,472
I like to serve it neat
if that's okay with you?

113
00:04:54,485 --> 00:04:55,678
What, in America?

114
00:04:55,711 --> 00:04:58,075
Don't you mix it
with cherry pop or

115
00:04:58,144 --> 00:05:00,005
Monterey Jack cheese?

116
00:05:00,027 --> 00:05:02,415
Professor,
these are melon slices with ham.

117
00:05:02,434 --> 00:05:04,054
And asparagus
wrapped in salmon.

118
00:05:04,066 --> 00:05:07,059
I see somebody's
been attempting tapas.

119
00:05:07,088 --> 00:05:08,343
Oh, that would be me.

120
00:05:08,362 --> 00:05:11,299
I think cuisine is like
a window into history.

121
00:05:11,329 --> 00:05:12,630
I believe it was the hun...

122
00:05:12,654 --> 00:05:15,236
Actually, you know,
I was talking to the ladies.

123
00:05:15,254 --> 00:05:16,638
Oh.

124
00:05:16,727 --> 00:05:19,121
Well, I'll let... I'll leave
you three be, all right?

125
00:05:19,267 --> 00:05:20,767
Britta.

126
00:05:21,429 --> 00:05:23,884
Look, the Professor
seems to be responding

127
00:05:23,903 --> 00:05:25,310
to things that I don't have,

128
00:05:25,335 --> 00:05:27,232
so you gotta get in there
and jiggle something.

129
00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,152
He hates me.

130
00:05:28,172 --> 00:05:30,176
He called me Broken
Barbie all year.

131
00:05:30,193 --> 00:05:33,892
Well, we're all gonna have to work it
if we're gonna get that grade changed.

132
00:05:34,337 --> 00:05:36,321
Be honest.
Your section sucked, right?

133
00:05:36,349 --> 00:05:39,535
No way. I read an entire book
on the Peloponnesian War.

134
00:05:39,559 --> 00:05:41,447
Wow.
You pronounced it right.

135
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,473
Then someone else had to tank
it for us to get that "F".

136
00:05:44,486 --> 00:05:46,880
Someone else?

137
00:05:47,233 --> 00:05:49,412
- Can you keep a secret?
- Yeah.

138
00:05:49,536 --> 00:05:51,950
- I blew my section off.
- What?

139
00:05:51,968 --> 00:05:55,049
Well, there was a secret Tom Waits
show in town, so I did the math.

140
00:05:55,067 --> 00:05:57,047
There's seven sections
to the paper.

141
00:05:57,078 --> 00:06:00,525
Annie gets an "A", Pierce buys
his from Neil, so that's solid.

142
00:06:00,556 --> 00:06:02,044
And then you guys get
"B's and "C's,

143
00:06:02,056 --> 00:06:04,089
so, I figured if my
section gets an "F",

144
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,317
the worst we could end up
with is a "C-minus."

145
00:06:06,368 --> 00:06:07,978
So you just left
your section blank?

146
00:06:07,997 --> 00:06:09,191
No, of course not.

147
00:06:09,209 --> 00:06:11,618
I copied and pasted the lyrics
to War, What Is It Good For?

148
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,489
- Good God.
- Shh.

149
00:06:13,881 --> 00:06:15,474
Your friends
were counting on you.

150
00:06:15,486 --> 00:06:16,805
Well, that's their fault.

151
00:06:16,836 --> 00:06:21,165
I have carefully cultivated a persona
that screams, "you're on your own."

152
00:06:21,788 --> 00:06:23,052
That's my judgey face.

153
00:06:23,076 --> 00:06:24,584
Noted.
I'll make it right.

154
00:06:24,596 --> 00:06:26,366
I'm going back in.

155
00:06:28,526 --> 00:06:30,801
- How's it going?
- Well, he asked me to get

156
00:06:30,819 --> 00:06:32,864
my fit bum to the kitchen
for a refill,

157
00:06:32,872 --> 00:06:33,972
so that's good, right?

158
00:06:33,992 --> 00:06:35,459
Kevin's showing him
a card trick.

159
00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:36,486
What?

160
00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:38,419
Oh, God.

161
00:06:38,620 --> 00:06:39,517
Is this a card?

162
00:06:39,536 --> 00:06:41,576
No, it isn't.
Queen of Hearts.

163
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:42,890
No, I'm asking, is this a card?

164
00:06:42,908 --> 00:06:45,265
Hey, Kevin, did you know
that we have bubble wrap?

165
00:06:45,344 --> 00:06:47,876
- What?
- Poppy poppy paper.

166
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,619
I so enjoy that.
Do you mind if I pop some?

167
00:06:50,637 --> 00:06:51,982
Oh, go crazy.

168
00:06:52,101 --> 00:06:53,272
Changnesia.

169
00:06:53,297 --> 00:06:55,652
I mean,
why do you indulge that idiot?

170
00:06:55,690 --> 00:06:57,647
Oh, I, too, was skeptical
at first,

171
00:06:57,665 --> 00:06:59,491
but now I actually have
some sympathy.

172
00:06:59,522 --> 00:07:00,897
I believe
it was Tacitus who said...

173
00:07:00,932 --> 00:07:03,641
You know, Mr. Winger,
your pathetic attempts

174
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,877
to suck up to me
are a wee bit transparent.

175
00:07:05,928 --> 00:07:07,954
I mean, I can only surmise
that it's something to do

176
00:07:07,979 --> 00:07:10,662
with the "C-minus" I gave you
for that final paper.

177
00:07:11,035 --> 00:07:12,082
"C-minus"?

178
00:07:12,106 --> 00:07:13,970
Oh, thank you.
Is this the...

179
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,499
If you'll excuse us.

180
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:17,616
Annie, he's giving us
a "C-minus."

181
00:07:17,635 --> 00:07:20,012
- Right.
- A "C-minus" is not a failing grade.

182
00:07:20,026 --> 00:07:21,287
To me, it is.

183
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:22,796
I'm on a Valedictorian track,

184
00:07:22,808 --> 00:07:25,799
and a "C-minus" means I fail
to get Valedictorian.

185
00:07:25,843 --> 00:07:27,624
You ruined our Christmas dinner

186
00:07:27,641 --> 00:07:30,595
so you could be crowned the smartest
person at the dumbest school?

187
00:07:30,627 --> 00:07:32,105
Look, the only reason I agreed

188
00:07:32,123 --> 00:07:33,991
to kiss
that pompous anglo's ass

189
00:07:34,013 --> 00:07:35,899
was because I thought
we were getting an "F".

190
00:07:35,911 --> 00:07:37,424
Good news, Mr. Winger.

191
00:07:37,447 --> 00:07:39,734
You may remove your lips
from my buttocks,

192
00:07:39,752 --> 00:07:43,014
because you have in fact succeeded
in changing your grade.

193
00:07:43,092 --> 00:07:45,073
- It's now an "F".
- What?

194
00:07:45,113 --> 00:07:46,575
You're "F" -ing us?

195
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,565
Professor, if you could
just give us a minute,

196
00:07:49,609 --> 00:07:51,513
this has been
a terrible misunderstanding,

197
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:55,141
and I'm sure we can get
this whole thing sorted out.

198
00:07:55,754 --> 00:07:57,706
Bedroom.
Now.

199
00:07:59,774 --> 00:08:01,116
Jeff just got us an "F".

200
00:08:01,141 --> 00:08:03,572
- I thought we had an "F".
- No, we were lied to.

201
00:08:03,597 --> 00:08:04,960
This isn't fun.
That guy's creepy.

202
00:08:04,977 --> 00:08:07,613
Yeah, if there's a human version
of Scrooge McDuck, this guy is it.

203
00:08:07,638 --> 00:08:09,617
This wouldn't have happened
if Jeff hadn't taunted him.

204
00:08:09,635 --> 00:08:11,933
No, it wouldn't have happened
if you hadn't decided

205
00:08:11,945 --> 00:08:13,521
a "C-minus" isn't good enough.

206
00:08:13,546 --> 00:08:14,990
When are you gonna grow up
and realize

207
00:08:15,008 --> 00:08:17,325
that grades don't matter
outside of school?

208
00:08:17,351 --> 00:08:20,222
That's a lie they tell dumb people when
they're fitting them for work boots.

209
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,752
All we needed
was a passing grade,

210
00:08:21,777 --> 00:08:25,121
and we had it until you
dragged us into this mess.

211
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,178
- Judgey face.
- All right.

212
00:08:28,184 --> 00:08:29,730
I will talk to him, man to man,

213
00:08:29,737 --> 00:08:31,224
and try to get
our "C-minus" back.

214
00:08:31,237 --> 00:08:31,863
Ah!

215
00:08:31,888 --> 00:08:33,818
Annie, it's the best
we can do right now.

216
00:08:33,836 --> 00:08:35,846
- Let me handle this.
- Let go of me,

217
00:08:35,870 --> 00:08:38,006
you big, hairy nutter!

218
00:08:39,146 --> 00:08:40,967
I'm proving my worth
to you guys.

219
00:08:41,024 --> 00:08:43,742
Do you want me to kill him?

220
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:51,551
- Kevin bad!
- I have Changnesia.

221
00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:52,450
I'm not a dog.

222
00:08:52,475 --> 00:08:54,940
Professor, we're so sorry.

223
00:08:54,959 --> 00:08:56,942
Obviously,
Kevin made a mistake.

224
00:08:56,967 --> 00:08:58,355
Or did he?

225
00:08:58,370 --> 00:08:59,834
Why are you
"or did he" -ing him?

226
00:08:59,852 --> 00:09:02,619
I'm just saying the Professor
can't get any more tied up,

227
00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:04,659
and we can't get any less
than an "F",

228
00:09:04,683 --> 00:09:07,134
so let's just take a beat
and think this through.

229
00:09:07,170 --> 00:09:09,126
Okay, this is way better
than Die Hard in a restaurant.

230
00:09:09,144 --> 00:09:12,690
So what exactly
is your plan here, Mr. Winger?

231
00:09:12,749 --> 00:09:14,999
I mean, I'm certainly
not gonna change your grade,

232
00:09:15,042 --> 00:09:17,759
and it'll take several days
to starve me

233
00:09:17,779 --> 00:09:20,865
as I really loaded up
on that dreadful tapas.

234
00:09:20,877 --> 00:09:23,339
Oh, but you already
have changed it, Professor.

235
00:09:23,351 --> 00:09:25,182
You just dropped it to an "F",

236
00:09:25,212 --> 00:09:28,671
thereby proving the work on the page
is not the only factor you consider.

237
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:31,000
And now, thanks to Kevin's
complete misreading

238
00:09:31,025 --> 00:09:34,097
of the situation, we have
our moment of maximum leverage,

239
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,091
so let's just talk
about this "F".

240
00:09:36,128 --> 00:09:39,692
Maybe it can come up
to a "C-minus," or, who knows,

241
00:09:39,741 --> 00:09:41,256
perhaps an "A".

242
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:43,113
This is actually a felony.

243
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:45,450
I mean, I will call the police,

244
00:09:45,464 --> 00:09:47,277
and you will all go to jail.

245
00:09:47,308 --> 00:09:49,176
Let me explain to you
why you won't do that.

246
00:09:49,211 --> 00:09:50,424
First, he's tied up.

247
00:09:50,448 --> 00:09:52,653
First, you're tied up,
and second,

248
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:55,240
who can really be sure
what happened in this apartment?

249
00:09:55,277 --> 00:09:56,620
Maybe you attacked one of us.

250
00:09:56,641 --> 00:09:59,659
Oh, really?
Where are the signs of struggle?

251
00:10:00,611 --> 00:10:02,125
- Oh.
- You were full of scotch

252
00:10:02,131 --> 00:10:03,605
when things took a dark turn.

253
00:10:03,630 --> 00:10:07,674
We'd all heard about your troubles
with co-eds back at Oxford,

254
00:10:07,692 --> 00:10:11,169
but it was becoming
all too real.

255
00:10:11,256 --> 00:10:13,519
As you lumbered around the room,
we had to assume

256
00:10:13,543 --> 00:10:15,867
you were coming after me
or Britta.

257
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,073
Ah-ah-ahem!

258
00:10:17,093 --> 00:10:18,642
Or Shirley,

259
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:22,618
who I didn't mention earlier, because
she intimidates you sexually.

260
00:10:22,669 --> 00:10:25,508
- Thank you.
- Point being,

261
00:10:25,532 --> 00:10:28,974
let's just take the idea of the police
off the table, shall we, Professor?

262
00:10:28,998 --> 00:10:33,488
Fine. You think you can hold this group
together without anyone cracking?

263
00:10:33,513 --> 00:10:34,940
Oh, we're solid.

264
00:10:34,971 --> 00:10:38,655
Empires are always destroyed
from within.

265
00:10:38,697 --> 00:10:43,420
And I can prove it to you from the
comparative comfort of this tacky chair.

266
00:10:43,531 --> 00:10:45,568
I will give an "A" right now

267
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,985
to the first person
that unties me.

268
00:10:48,030 --> 00:10:49,197
The rest of you will fail.

269
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:53,577
Stay where you are.

270
00:10:53,596 --> 00:10:55,777
This is amazing and
possibly all in real time.

271
00:10:55,796 --> 00:10:58,394
Everybody, stop it.
No one listen to him.

272
00:10:58,479 --> 00:11:00,332
The Professor's job
is to make us turn

273
00:11:00,351 --> 00:11:02,700
on one another.
We hold all the cards

274
00:11:02,737 --> 00:11:04,547
as long as we stay united.

275
00:11:04,578 --> 00:11:06,122
And, Kevin, you're one of us.

276
00:11:06,156 --> 00:11:08,390
- Thank you.
- All right.

277
00:11:08,554 --> 00:11:11,767
Who will be the betrayer...

278
00:11:11,843 --> 00:11:14,512
the type-a lolita,

279
00:11:14,625 --> 00:11:17,201
the put-upon housewife...
- Is that me?

280
00:11:17,239 --> 00:11:20,875
Or how about you,
the odd, emotionless Muslim?

281
00:11:20,944 --> 00:11:23,090
I mean, come on,
you don't deserve an "F".

282
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,241
And you know that,
because of your impairment,

283
00:11:25,253 --> 00:11:27,445
they'll forgive you anyway.

284
00:11:27,471 --> 00:11:29,620
All true, but I'm probably
not your best target.

285
00:11:29,632 --> 00:11:31,251
If you don't mind,
I'd like to get some popcorn.

286
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:33,001
Typically, it takes a while
for villains to ramp up.

287
00:11:33,013 --> 00:11:34,882
Promise not to monologue
till I get back?

288
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,564
Give it up, Professor.
You got nothing.

289
00:11:36,582 --> 00:11:38,956
Oh, I've got plenty.

290
00:11:38,976 --> 00:11:40,767
Why don't we just let him go
and be done with this?

291
00:11:40,792 --> 00:11:42,462
It's Christmas.
We have gifts to unwrap.

292
00:11:42,481 --> 00:11:45,012
Don't you see? We can't now
or someone will get the "A".

293
00:11:45,063 --> 00:11:46,364
No one wants to screw the group.

294
00:11:46,384 --> 00:11:47,754
Oh, you see that, Professor?

295
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:50,973
Your offer actually made it
harder for you to get untied,

296
00:11:51,006 --> 00:11:52,737
because no one wants
to be the betrayer.

297
00:11:52,756 --> 00:11:55,859
Beware the Ides of March,
Mr. Winger.

298
00:11:56,034 --> 00:11:58,707
Everyone wants to be
the betrayer.

299
00:11:58,732 --> 00:12:00,838
What the hell is your game?

300
00:12:00,877 --> 00:12:03,662
I'm trying
to teach you history.

301
00:12:03,913 --> 00:12:07,309
Your failure will be the same
as any self-obsessed nation.

302
00:12:07,398 --> 00:12:09,699
You only care about each other
when you're winning.

303
00:12:09,756 --> 00:12:13,101
The Romans loved Rome when it
was raping half the world,

304
00:12:13,114 --> 00:12:15,808
but when Hannibal
came charging over the Alps,

305
00:12:15,826 --> 00:12:17,446
the Romans turned on themselves

306
00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:20,841
as quickly as you can say,
"e pluribus unum."

307
00:12:20,877 --> 00:12:23,142
I'm pretty sure it's "anus."

308
00:12:23,154 --> 00:12:26,495
Usually, the cracks are hidden
within the alliances.

309
00:12:26,676 --> 00:12:27,843
So let's see.

310
00:12:27,883 --> 00:12:29,064
In any group of seven,

311
00:12:29,095 --> 00:12:32,407
there's bound to be
some romantic entanglements.

312
00:12:32,439 --> 00:12:35,111
See, I've noticed
that the damaged blonde

313
00:12:35,123 --> 00:12:37,408
is dating
the childish black one,

314
00:12:37,732 --> 00:12:40,183
I wonder, does anyone
take issue with that pairing?

315
00:12:40,202 --> 00:12:43,441
You're fishing, Professor. No one has
anything against Britta and Troy dating.

316
00:12:43,466 --> 00:12:47,105
And that's coming from Jeff,
and we used to date, so...

317
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,987
Britta, information is ammo.

318
00:12:49,006 --> 00:12:50,554
And what we did was not dating.

319
00:12:50,578 --> 00:12:52,707
- Uh.
- Ah. A little friction.

320
00:12:52,732 --> 00:12:54,467
That usually indicates heat.

321
00:12:54,486 --> 00:12:56,390
Heat?
There's no heat.

322
00:12:56,561 --> 00:12:59,245
If there was heat, I'd be nervous, and,
if I was nervous, I'd be rambling,

323
00:12:59,264 --> 00:13:01,197
and I'm definitely not rambling,
so there's no heat.

324
00:13:01,222 --> 00:13:04,027
Ah, well, I think
we found our triangle.

325
00:13:04,121 --> 00:13:06,566
Thank you
and welcome to the party, Troy.

326
00:13:06,597 --> 00:13:09,258
- He knows my name.
- Guys, keep it together.

327
00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:21,109
I missed something great,
didn't I?

328
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:24,292
Enough. It's time to stop
arsing about and get serious.

329
00:13:24,335 --> 00:13:26,834
So let's hear it
from the one person

330
00:13:26,871 --> 00:13:28,829
who needs that "A" the most

331
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:32,012
and can't possibly abide
by an "F",

332
00:13:32,038 --> 00:13:36,841
the one person on pace
to become class Valedictorian.

333
00:13:37,574 --> 00:13:39,191
I would never turn
against the group.

334
00:13:39,202 --> 00:13:41,127
I'm not talking
about you, Miss Edison.

335
00:13:41,152 --> 00:13:43,288
What?
Abed?

336
00:13:43,313 --> 00:13:45,356
Jeff?
Is it me?

337
00:13:45,376 --> 00:13:46,950
Oh, my God, Britta?

338
00:13:46,969 --> 00:13:50,263
First of all, it's me, and, second
of all, you put Britta ahead of me?

339
00:13:50,275 --> 00:13:51,500
None taken.

340
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,131
Oh, my God, Shirley.

341
00:13:53,162 --> 00:13:55,981
- Why didn't you ever tell me about it?
- I didn't think it was a competition.

342
00:13:55,993 --> 00:13:58,415
Oh, of course
you'd play it that way

343
00:13:58,446 --> 00:13:59,509
so I wouldn't be expecting...

344
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:02,204
A church-going mother of three
to be smart, huh?

345
00:14:02,223 --> 00:14:06,085
So, Miss Edison,
it's decision time, isn't it?

346
00:14:06,107 --> 00:14:07,732
Annie, don't listen to him.

347
00:14:07,757 --> 00:14:10,659
You know you can't make
Valedictorian with an "F",

348
00:14:10,678 --> 00:14:14,130
and you can eliminate your
competition in one easy step.

349
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:16,896
What else do you have
to lose, my dear?

350
00:14:17,422 --> 00:14:20,022
I mean, these people,
they're not here to support you.

351
00:14:20,052 --> 00:14:23,688
I mean, they already hate you
for this disaster of a party.

352
00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:25,307
Not this guy.

353
00:14:25,422 --> 00:14:26,853
No.

354
00:14:26,878 --> 00:14:27,896
I can't.

355
00:14:27,921 --> 00:14:30,356
Give it up, Professor.
You've fired all your bullets.

356
00:14:30,387 --> 00:14:33,910
No, I've got
one more bullet left,

357
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:36,130
and it's a doozy.

358
00:14:36,152 --> 00:14:38,857
Mr. Winger, would you like
to tell your friends

359
00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:42,872
why they did so poorly on
this paper, or shall I?

360
00:14:42,901 --> 00:14:44,139
- Jeff?
- Jeff?

361
00:14:44,165 --> 00:14:45,577
Jeffrey.

362
00:14:47,549 --> 00:14:49,006
I tanked my section.

363
00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:51,176
I knew you guys
would all work hard, so

364
00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:52,540
I just coasted.

365
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,766
- Tom Waits was...
- Ah!

366
00:14:53,778 --> 00:14:55,935
- Ow.
- You cost me Valedictorian.

367
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:58,245
He cost me Valedictorian.
That was my punch.

368
00:15:02,882 --> 00:15:04,616
Tom waits!

369
00:15:06,498 --> 00:15:08,641
Oh, my God.

370
00:15:08,930 --> 00:15:11,215
Jeff, do you have
any milk duds?

371
00:15:17,144 --> 00:15:19,038
Jeffrey, I know
you're in there.

372
00:15:19,063 --> 00:15:21,080
I can smell you.

373
00:15:21,322 --> 00:15:23,800
- Did I have the game on too loud?
- Is everything okay?

374
00:15:23,843 --> 00:15:25,092
I was just spending an evening

375
00:15:25,123 --> 00:15:27,684
with my two irresistible lady
friends, Rizzoli and Isles,

376
00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:29,561
when I heard...
wait a minute.

377
00:15:29,586 --> 00:15:30,753
What the hell
is going on in here?

378
00:15:30,783 --> 00:15:33,180
- All: No, don't!
- I can explain.

379
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,670
No explanation necessary.

380
00:15:35,707 --> 00:15:38,626
Next time you decide to have
a party without me, Jeffrey,

381
00:15:38,657 --> 00:15:42,125
at least have the decency
to do it when I'm in spin class.

382
00:15:43,911 --> 00:15:47,175
I'm a blast at
holiday-themed parties.

383
00:15:47,194 --> 00:15:50,198
- Where the hell is he?
- Professor? Did he leave?

384
00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:52,128
Why in God's name
would I leave?

385
00:15:53,435 --> 00:15:54,698
This is just getting
interesting.

386
00:15:54,723 --> 00:15:57,779
Now, one of you untied me.

387
00:15:57,810 --> 00:15:59,969
I wonder who it was.

388
00:15:59,994 --> 00:16:02,486
Who is the Benedict Arnold,

389
00:16:02,550 --> 00:16:04,350
the true hero of this story?

390
00:16:04,388 --> 00:16:07,711
Oh, no, what's gonna happen when
we find out who betrayed us?

391
00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:09,704
I wonder why you're so scared.

392
00:16:09,956 --> 00:16:10,929
It wasn't me.

393
00:16:10,945 --> 00:16:12,780
Can we just say
a ghost did it again?

394
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,071
We're gonna find out who
did it when we get our grade.

395
00:16:15,090 --> 00:16:17,553
No, we'll have to find out now.

396
00:16:17,666 --> 00:16:19,671
Otherwise,
the lesson isn't complete.

397
00:16:19,695 --> 00:16:22,185
But the lesson
is complete, Professor.

398
00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:23,363
You know what you taught us
tonight?

399
00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:26,115
That, yes, empires fall, but

400
00:16:26,306 --> 00:16:27,269
we're no empire.

401
00:16:27,299 --> 00:16:29,749
We're just a bunch
of flawed, selfish people.

402
00:16:29,847 --> 00:16:31,278
And that's not our weakness.

403
00:16:31,485 --> 00:16:32,448
It's our strength.

404
00:16:32,460 --> 00:16:34,009
The one thing
that we can count on

405
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:36,291
at any given moment
is that the six of us

406
00:16:36,322 --> 00:16:38,659
are paying for a mistake
made by one of us.

407
00:16:38,671 --> 00:16:42,466
And that means, at any given moment,
one of us is screwing up so badly,

408
00:16:42,484 --> 00:16:45,740
that he or she is gonna forgive
whoever screws up next.

409
00:16:45,955 --> 00:16:49,047
Now I'm gonna do something
that Octavian never would...

410
00:16:49,059 --> 00:16:50,588
yeah, I read the book.

411
00:16:50,612 --> 00:16:53,054
I'm gonna say that
whoever untied the Professor...

412
00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:54,597
I don't give a crap.

413
00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:55,945
Because whoever it was,

414
00:16:55,963 --> 00:17:00,280
I know it was
some flawed, selfish, weak,

415
00:17:00,321 --> 00:17:02,489
hopeless soul like me.

416
00:17:06,094 --> 00:17:08,580
Exactly what the betrayer
would say.

417
00:17:08,799 --> 00:17:11,070
Fine, dick, if it was me,

418
00:17:11,145 --> 00:17:13,248
I'm gonna lose my "A"
by tying you up again.

419
00:17:13,270 --> 00:17:14,216
Ow!

420
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,304
Get over here.

421
00:17:18,392 --> 00:17:20,126
That's hurting.
That's hurting.

422
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:24,530
Now, if you'll excuse us,
we have some gifts to open.

423
00:17:24,554 --> 00:17:26,803
Ooh, mine first, mine first.

424
00:17:27,911 --> 00:17:29,830
Milady.

425
00:17:29,877 --> 00:17:34,008
Mm, Kevin, did you wrap
these presents yourself?

426
00:17:34,102 --> 00:17:36,601
Once again, I'm not a dog.

427
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,110
Zoink.

428
00:17:39,898 --> 00:17:40,723
Doink.

429
00:17:40,736 --> 00:17:43,142
Kevin, how do you tie a knot?

430
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:44,550
Really simple.

431
00:17:44,893 --> 00:17:47,906
So you go...

432
00:17:47,924 --> 00:17:50,742
Make a little rabbit ear
like so,

433
00:17:50,761 --> 00:17:53,525
then the kids go marching
down the well.

434
00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,821
Oh... my... God.

435
00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:58,140
Professor,
you were never tied up.

436
00:17:58,176 --> 00:18:00,144
What?

437
00:18:00,608 --> 00:18:02,301
What do you want me to say?

438
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,382
What do you want me to say?

439
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,470
That I did it
because I'm lonely?

440
00:18:09,503 --> 00:18:12,055
That my daughter isn't in town?

441
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:16,645
That she never comes to see me because
she finds me too manipulative?

442
00:18:16,904 --> 00:18:19,672
Or you could say you're sorry
for the whole thing.

443
00:18:19,693 --> 00:18:22,877
Yes, I suppose
that would be accurate.

444
00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:25,307
And that, as compensation
for the mental anguish

445
00:18:25,332 --> 00:18:27,379
you caused us,
you'll give us an "A".

446
00:18:27,405 --> 00:18:29,473
Jeff.
Overreaching?

447
00:18:29,493 --> 00:18:30,856
Fair enough.

448
00:18:30,930 --> 00:18:32,566
Maybe you can grade
us separately.

449
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:35,025
That way, Shirley and Annie
can get their "A" s.

450
00:18:35,044 --> 00:18:37,125
No, Jeffrey,
he can give us an "F"

451
00:18:37,131 --> 00:18:38,604
or you can give us an "A",

452
00:18:38,622 --> 00:18:41,424
but we should all get
the same grade.

453
00:18:41,448 --> 00:18:43,761
God's sake, don't rub it in.

454
00:18:43,780 --> 00:18:46,324
Very well.
Seeing as you saved me

455
00:18:46,341 --> 00:18:50,657
from my yearly Christmas
tradition of plum pudding,

456
00:18:50,682 --> 00:18:53,270
roasted goose,
and updating my suicide note...

457
00:18:54,029 --> 00:18:56,665
I suppose...

458
00:18:56,721 --> 00:18:58,642
I could give you a "C".

459
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,605
- Oh.
- Uh.

460
00:19:01,819 --> 00:19:02,594
Plus.

461
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:05,850
Merry Christmas.

462
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:08,463
Merry Christmas.

463
00:19:17,889 --> 00:19:19,508
Annie!

464
00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:22,695
Oh, my God.

465
00:19:22,903 --> 00:19:25,145
Wow.
That's really great.

466
00:19:26,728 --> 00:19:28,392
Oh, poppy poppy paper.

467
00:19:29,656 --> 00:19:31,023
No, there's a gift in there.

468
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:33,304
Yeah.

469
00:19:33,323 --> 00:19:34,995
Buttered noodles.
My favorite.

470
00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:36,145
Oh!

471
00:19:36,188 --> 00:19:39,393
By the way, I didn't get anyone
gifts, so my gift to you all

472
00:19:39,416 --> 00:19:41,761
is you get to lord it over me
for the next year.

473
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:44,758
No, stupid, a gift
doesn't create an obligation.

474
00:19:44,776 --> 00:19:46,907
It's the obligation
that's a gift.

475
00:19:47,981 --> 00:19:49,616
I gotta drop a deuce.

476
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,868
See you guys.

477
00:19:54,672 --> 00:19:56,089
Hey, it's Chang.

478
00:19:56,108 --> 00:19:57,661
No, they're not expelled.

479
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,577
I have to do something else.

480
00:20:07,727 --> 00:20:11,834
Oh, how could I have stayed mad
at you, guys?

481
00:20:12,022 --> 00:20:15,991
Here, I was gonna save these
for the real Christmas Day,

482
00:20:16,009 --> 00:20:17,788
but these guys
were getting antsy.

483
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:19,135
Hi, there.

484
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,106
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.

485
00:20:21,130 --> 00:20:22,974
Oh!

486
00:20:23,354 --> 00:20:24,279
August.

487
00:20:24,304 --> 00:20:27,068
And this one is James.

488
00:20:27,204 --> 00:20:29,040
And this one is Fiona.

489
00:20:29,058 --> 00:20:32,485
And these two guys are Jeffrey.

490
00:20:32,503 --> 00:20:33,908
At nice times like this,

491
00:20:33,926 --> 00:20:35,646
I wonder what's happening
in the darkest timeline.

492
00:20:35,678 --> 00:20:36,421
Timeline?

493
00:20:36,434 --> 00:20:39,461
Abed, there are
no dark timelines.

494
00:20:43,570 --> 00:20:46,601
Your honor,
I may not have a right arm,

495
00:20:46,624 --> 00:20:49,148
but I am armed
with what's right.

496
00:20:49,211 --> 00:20:52,434
My client Miss Edison did rob
several drug stores,

497
00:20:52,472 --> 00:20:55,273
and, yes, she did stab
several pharmacists,

498
00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:57,781
but let's talk
about the bigger crime,

499
00:20:57,852 --> 00:21:03,106
that someone so beautiful
has been removed from society.

500
00:21:03,157 --> 00:21:06,412
Miss Edison,
you are hereby released

501
00:21:06,436 --> 00:21:09,211
from Greendale Insane Asylum.

502
00:21:09,548 --> 00:21:11,793
Are you sure you don't have a
problem with our age difference?

503
00:21:11,801 --> 00:21:13,822
Yeah, I wish
you were even younger.

504
00:21:13,834 --> 00:21:15,697
Now, come on,
the others are waiting.

505
00:21:15,738 --> 00:21:18,261
We've got a prime timeline
to destroy.

506
00:21:24,141 --> 00:21:29,141
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther