1
00:00:02,111 --> 00:00:06,296
Hi, everybody. I'm Jeff.
Uhm... Mr. Winger.

2
00:00:06,315 --> 00:00:10,252
And this is Fundamentals of Law.

3
00:00:13,911 --> 00:00:15,278
Any questions?

4
00:00:15,312 --> 00:00:17,399
You, Red Hair. I'm not
gonna learn names.

5
00:00:17,428 --> 00:00:19,424
- Will there be a syllabus?
- "Will there be a syllabus?"

6
00:00:19,437 --> 00:00:22,348
Is good example of a question.
Moving on.

7
00:00:22,362 --> 00:00:24,196
- Ski Cap.
- How are we gonna be graded?

8
00:00:24,214 --> 00:00:26,348
Oh, no spoilers, Ski Cap.

9
00:00:27,991 --> 00:00:29,742
- Maybe we better do names.
- Dave.

10
00:00:29,776 --> 00:00:31,560
What percent of our grade
will the final be?

11
00:00:31,581 --> 00:00:34,481
Come on, guys, percentages,
grades, that syllabus thing...

12
00:00:34,487 --> 00:00:37,672
Are we human beings or just
question-and-answer machines?

13
00:00:38,127 --> 00:00:42,163
We're students.
And you're a teacher.

14
00:00:43,359 --> 00:00:44,786
Yeah.

15
00:00:45,051 --> 00:00:46,767
I'm a teacher.

16
00:00:50,771 --> 00:00:54,357
Did you see that? That
teacher just leered at me.

17
00:00:54,386 --> 00:00:56,046
- Ew.
- Hey, look,

18
00:00:56,065 --> 00:00:58,143
it's the star of "Head of the Ass."

19
00:00:58,170 --> 00:00:59,990
Shut up, Leonard!
Nice earring.

20
00:01:00,003 --> 00:01:02,123
You look like the road manager
for the California Raisins.

21
00:01:02,131 --> 00:01:05,444
Whoa! What kind of teacher
talks to a student like that?

22
00:01:05,470 --> 00:01:07,162
- Right?
- Yeah.

23
00:01:14,098 --> 00:01:17,374
- Fresh meat, huh?
- Yeah, Jeff Winger, law.

24
00:01:18,501 --> 00:01:20,434
Buzz Hickey, criminology.

25
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:22,778
You can have that half of the
office, but come spring,

26
00:01:22,804 --> 00:01:25,741
that corner is stacked to the
rafters with fetal pigs.

27
00:01:25,754 --> 00:01:28,518
I won't be here that long. This is
sort of a temporary gig for me.

28
00:01:28,531 --> 00:01:29,618
Mm, I get it.

29
00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:32,561
Teaching to make ends meet
until a real job comes along,

30
00:01:32,579 --> 00:01:35,246
- yeah, me too.
- Oh, cool. How long have you been...

31
00:01:35,265 --> 00:01:36,953
15 years.

32
00:01:38,676 --> 00:01:40,997
15 years and counting.

33
00:01:41,494 --> 00:01:43,318
"Temporary gig."

34
00:01:43,987 --> 00:01:46,374
Oh, I like you.

35
00:02:10,034 --> 00:02:11,534
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

36
00:02:12,109 --> 00:02:15,256
Oh, the new table
turned out great, Abed.

37
00:02:15,282 --> 00:02:16,833
Splendid varnishing.

38
00:02:16,884 --> 00:02:18,997
- "Table Mark II"?
- I added that,

39
00:02:19,022 --> 00:02:21,375
and a few custom upgrades.
It's voice activated.

40
00:02:21,422 --> 00:02:23,162
Table, resume table mode.

41
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,558
- Huh?
- Oh.

42
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,019
Table, power down.

43
00:02:27,060 --> 00:02:29,074
Wait! I got a cup on there.

44
00:02:29,094 --> 00:02:31,193
- Oh, teacher man!
- Ee!

45
00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:33,099
It's Professor Winger!

46
00:02:33,127 --> 00:02:35,363
Please don't razz me
about being a teacher.

47
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:38,109
Teaching is the most noble
profession in the world.

48
00:02:38,128 --> 00:02:39,900
Yeah, tell that to the guy
that shares my office.

49
00:02:39,939 --> 00:02:41,379
He fixes cuckoo clocks for fun.

50
00:02:41,406 --> 00:02:44,099
Ugh. That sounds like Mr. Hickey,
my criminology professor.

51
00:02:44,112 --> 00:02:46,276
I certainly hope you'll be
a better teacher than him.

52
00:02:46,296 --> 00:02:47,849
Annie, I don't know law.

53
00:02:47,881 --> 00:02:49,754
I wasn't a real lawyer, remember?

54
00:02:49,774 --> 00:02:51,941
I can't just pretend I'm teaching.

55
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:53,923
I'm not Mythbusters.

56
00:02:53,935 --> 00:02:56,108
There's a two-day course called
"Nicolas Cage: Good or Bad."

57
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,524
I'm signing up. I've
always wanted to know.

58
00:02:58,557 --> 00:03:00,608
Nicolas Cage is one of pop
culture's greatest mysteries.

59
00:03:00,629 --> 00:03:02,233
Oh, there's a course
on Nicolas Cage,

60
00:03:02,246 --> 00:03:04,610
but if you mention Jesus to your science
teacher, you get a written warning.

61
00:03:04,636 --> 00:03:05,909
Well, Jesus wasn't in 70 movies.

62
00:03:05,911 --> 00:03:07,631
I'm in. Cage class, sounds fun.

63
00:03:07,644 --> 00:03:09,550
Jeff, you don't have time
to take a blow-off class.

64
00:03:09,575 --> 00:03:11,796
You need to figure out what
you're gonna teach your students.

65
00:03:11,821 --> 00:03:15,848
Thanks, Annie, for one glorious
second, I forgot I was a teacher.

66
00:03:17,020 --> 00:03:23,094
Do you want subtitles for any video?

67
00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:44,968
Oh! Look at Mr. Smarty Pants!

68
00:03:46,024 --> 00:03:49,484
I am so excited! Jeff is gonna
help me save the school.

69
00:03:49,504 --> 00:03:52,734
Not all by himself.
I am learning Excel.

70
00:03:52,762 --> 00:03:54,458
- Jeff, do you know Excel?
- No.

71
00:03:54,478 --> 00:03:57,307
Well, it looks like you do.

72
00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:00,771
Yay, teaching!

73
00:04:02,417 --> 00:04:06,841
I, as you know, am dramatic
professor Sean Garrity,

74
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,921
and you are now embarking
on an odyssey of discussion

75
00:04:09,941 --> 00:04:12,687
about an actor
who keeps the world asking:

76
00:04:12,729 --> 00:04:14,969
Nicolas Cage, good or bad?

77
00:04:14,996 --> 00:04:16,075
Yes, young man?

78
00:04:16,098 --> 00:04:18,571
- So you don't know?
- Mr. Nadir.

79
00:04:18,596 --> 00:04:21,837
Mr. Nadir drove our
TV Studies professor

80
00:04:21,857 --> 00:04:24,867
out of his mind by proving
that there was an answer

81
00:04:24,887 --> 00:04:26,460
to the question "Who's the Boss?"

82
00:04:26,471 --> 00:04:29,338
- Angela.
- I admire your brain, Mr. Nadir.

83
00:04:29,364 --> 00:04:32,893
I did not admire
Professor Sheffield,

84
00:04:33,424 --> 00:04:36,589
but I promise you, this
question has no answer.

85
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:42,287
Your homework is to watch five Nicolas
Cage films by Wednesday, no marathons.

86
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,053
Space out your viewings.

87
00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:45,936
Five, that's it?

88
00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:47,999
Be careful, Abed Nadir.

89
00:04:48,029 --> 00:04:51,357
Promise me you will be careful.

90
00:04:52,093 --> 00:04:54,370
I have no idea how to
make a curriculum.

91
00:04:54,389 --> 00:04:56,733
Becoming a teacher
was a huge mistake.

92
00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:58,697
Without a doubt.

93
00:04:59,086 --> 00:05:01,760
That said, there
are certain perks.

94
00:05:01,784 --> 00:05:03,037
- Excuse me.
- Wow.

95
00:05:03,057 --> 00:05:04,670
I didn't know teachers
could cut in line.

96
00:05:04,689 --> 00:05:07,062
I can actually experience this
food warm and disgusting.

97
00:05:07,088 --> 00:05:09,188
Winger, what are you doing?

98
00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:12,593
This line is for food, not
for Lionel Richie tickets.

99
00:05:13,979 --> 00:05:15,768
This is my house.

100
00:05:16,208 --> 00:05:17,588
Come here.

101
00:05:18,298 --> 00:05:21,484
This man's name is Mr. Winger,

102
00:05:22,339 --> 00:05:25,368
and Mr. Winger is a teacher.

103
00:05:25,619 --> 00:05:27,457
You know what that means?

104
00:05:28,093 --> 00:05:30,691
It means he gets your meatballs.

105
00:05:31,725 --> 00:05:33,372
Ah, please.

106
00:05:33,769 --> 00:05:35,769
That's all I have.

107
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:39,604
Get outta here.

108
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,666
Place is a zoo. The trick is,

109
00:05:42,686 --> 00:05:45,599
you gotta show the other baboons
you got a bigger, redder ass.

110
00:05:45,619 --> 00:05:46,972
Let's hit the lounge.

111
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,481
Whoa.

112
00:05:52,402 --> 00:05:55,395
Everybody, this is
the new guy, Winger.

113
00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:58,866
He's having trouble
planning his curriculum.

114
00:06:00,198 --> 00:06:01,679
What?

115
00:06:02,377 --> 00:06:04,129
Here's all you need to know...

116
00:06:04,154 --> 00:06:06,640
Break into groups, grade
each other's papers,

117
00:06:06,662 --> 00:06:09,295
and please enjoy the seven-disc
edition of Planet Earth.

118
00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:14,087
Yoo-hoo! Is there a
Mr. Winger in here?

119
00:06:14,133 --> 00:06:16,699
Jeffrey, we need to carve out
some time to learn Excel.

120
00:06:16,719 --> 00:06:18,626
Do you guys know Excel?
I'm learning.

121
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:21,496
You know the rules, Pelton.
Drop the checks and move on.

122
00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:24,231
Oh. Jeffrey, I'm gonna boot up my
computer and download the tutor...

123
00:06:26,215 --> 00:06:28,295
- What was that about?
- Union rules.

124
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:31,201
Management's not allowed
in the faculty lounge.

125
00:06:31,757 --> 00:06:33,424
I could get used to this.

126
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,532
Nicolas Cage is so weird.

127
00:06:42,552 --> 00:06:46,078
I mean, he seemed scared to smell
that flower but happy to get shot.

128
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:48,105
He's a complex performer.
He'll give you The Rock,

129
00:06:48,118 --> 00:06:50,318
Con Air, then Face/Off,
and you think you understand,

130
00:06:50,342 --> 00:06:52,383
but then Windtalkers, Guarding
Tess, The Wicker Man.

131
00:06:52,390 --> 00:06:54,917
He begs you to stop
watching, but you can't.

132
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:58,483
That was an odd choice.

133
00:06:58,490 --> 00:06:59,991
Would you say it was
odd good or odd bad?

134
00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:01,576
Maybe he's just good
in good movies

135
00:07:01,584 --> 00:07:03,937
and then acts crazy in crap
to make drug money.

136
00:07:03,950 --> 00:07:06,358
But is he good, or is he bad?
Every actor is something.

137
00:07:06,380 --> 00:07:08,550
Robert Downey Jr., good,
Jim Belushi, bad.

138
00:07:08,569 --> 00:07:11,326
Van Damme, the good kind of bad,
Johnny Depp, the bad kind of good.

139
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,716
There's a spectrum,
and Cage is on it.

140
00:07:13,729 --> 00:07:15,472
I just have to find him.

141
00:07:15,515 --> 00:07:18,068
- I'm gonna go check on Jeff.
- Oh.

142
00:07:19,686 --> 00:07:23,447
- Hello. - Hey, Jeff, how's
the old curriculum going?

143
00:07:23,466 --> 00:07:26,381
Great. Consider our nation's
youth pre-inspired.

144
00:07:26,394 --> 00:07:28,014
- Want a refill, Winger?
- Mm.

145
00:07:28,037 --> 00:07:29,338
- Is that Hickey?
- Yeah.

146
00:07:29,358 --> 00:07:30,637
We're working on syllabuses.

147
00:07:30,657 --> 00:07:33,387
Hey, let's turd some lockers!

148
00:07:34,414 --> 00:07:35,954
Gotta go! Teacher thing!

149
00:07:36,569 --> 00:07:38,815
It's "syllabi."

150
00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:41,586
Guterman. Droppin' mad science?

151
00:07:41,601 --> 00:07:44,757
Ooh, Elaine, take it easy
on the Oxford commas.

152
00:07:45,058 --> 00:07:47,391
Hey, walk, don't run, mister!
This isn't a racetrack!

153
00:07:47,416 --> 00:07:50,261
Okay, dangerous minds,
let's break into groups,

154
00:07:50,288 --> 00:07:53,782
discuss chapter one,
and if you are lucky,

155
00:07:53,856 --> 00:07:56,196
we might sneak in
a little Planet Earth.

156
00:07:56,219 --> 00:07:57,539
Any questions?

157
00:07:57,557 --> 00:07:58,965
Ahem.

158
00:07:59,488 --> 00:08:01,139
Just a few.

159
00:08:02,306 --> 00:08:06,047
Ahh, she in your class, yo!

160
00:08:10,550 --> 00:08:14,172
So, I guess... Uh... Just...

161
00:08:14,937 --> 00:08:15,944
Read chapter one...

162
00:08:15,961 --> 00:08:18,314
And memorize the federal
rules of civil procedure.

163
00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:19,967
Class dismissed.

164
00:08:20,205 --> 00:08:22,089
Not so fast, Jeff.

165
00:08:26,156 --> 00:08:28,467
I assume you know why I'm
keeping you after class.

166
00:08:28,487 --> 00:08:31,477
Not really. Ski Cap and White
Dave got lots of stuff wrong too.

167
00:08:31,496 --> 00:08:33,287
- You're the teacher, Jeff.
- You don't have to rub it in.

168
00:08:33,297 --> 00:08:35,781
What I saw today was embarrassing.

169
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,920
You were late, you
clearly had no idea...

170
00:08:38,939 --> 00:08:40,242
Hey!

171
00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:42,325
You had no idea what
Tort Reform meant,

172
00:08:42,331 --> 00:08:44,124
and when I asked you to
explain the Sixth Amendment,

173
00:08:44,137 --> 00:08:45,553
- you pled the Fifth!
- I know my rights.

174
00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,751
No, you don't.
That's the problem.

175
00:08:51,669 --> 00:08:53,904
Here.
I gathered some materials.

176
00:08:53,917 --> 00:08:55,570
Tomorrow morning, before class,

177
00:08:55,593 --> 00:08:57,580
I need to verify that you
know enough to teach.

178
00:08:57,602 --> 00:08:59,723
You're gonna quiz me?
You're the worst.

179
00:08:59,736 --> 00:09:02,091
I wish Troy was in my
class instead of you!

180
00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:03,975
I hate her, I hate her,
I hate her, I hate her,

181
00:09:03,981 --> 00:09:05,748
I hate her, I hate her, I hate her,
I hate her, I hate her.

182
00:09:05,776 --> 00:09:08,816
Hey, wait, I warned you
to separate these worlds.

183
00:09:08,835 --> 00:09:11,775
She's lead, we're chalk.

184
00:09:13,243 --> 00:09:15,534
She needs to be taken out.

185
00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:19,350
Of your class.
I say minus her.

186
00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:21,051
- Minus her?
- Give her A-minuses.

187
00:09:21,071 --> 00:09:23,998
- It'll drive her nuts, she'll drop.
- She'll call me on it. She'll report me.

188
00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:25,881
Teachers don't have to
explain minuses.

189
00:09:25,888 --> 00:09:27,928
Why do you think
we invented 'em?

190
00:09:27,998 --> 00:09:29,954
- She's my friend.
- Eh.

191
00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:32,922
You like the Leonard Meatballs?
They added something special.

192
00:09:37,748 --> 00:09:39,682
It's Leonard.

193
00:09:43,190 --> 00:09:45,847
Come on, I'm just
messing with you.

194
00:09:45,870 --> 00:09:48,110
You done with your bit?
I'd like my earring back.

195
00:09:48,136 --> 00:09:49,143
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

196
00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:52,059
Go get your earring,
you piece of human garbage.

197
00:10:00,677 --> 00:10:02,057
Uh...

198
00:10:05,125 --> 00:10:06,973
Oh, my God.

199
00:10:07,532 --> 00:10:09,071
Okay, hey,
I have a working theory,

200
00:10:09,097 --> 00:10:10,871
and don't react until you've
heard the whole thing.

201
00:10:10,884 --> 00:10:13,170
If you watch closely, at the
seven-minute mark in Snake Eyes,

202
00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:14,735
you'll notice the moment
where an alien arm

203
00:10:14,755 --> 00:10:17,664
- could've come up and...
- Abed, this isn't worth it.

204
00:10:17,906 --> 00:10:21,515
Maybe Nicolas Cage is just...
crazy.

205
00:10:21,539 --> 00:10:23,983
All actors are crazy, Annie.
Some crazy actors are good,

206
00:10:24,002 --> 00:10:25,374
some are bad, but none
of them are neither.

207
00:10:25,413 --> 00:10:26,953
There's no such thing as
both, so which one is...

208
00:10:26,979 --> 00:10:29,453
Nicolas Cage, huh? Oh! Oh!

209
00:10:33,782 --> 00:10:35,817
Okay, so break into groups,

210
00:10:35,837 --> 00:10:38,430
and then, you guys
quiz each other.

211
00:10:38,467 --> 00:10:41,694
Mr. Winger, is that really
the best use of our time?

212
00:10:41,711 --> 00:10:43,603
Seems like the value
of having you here is...

213
00:10:43,615 --> 00:10:46,404
I think my value as a teacher
is to teach you how to learn.

214
00:10:46,424 --> 00:10:48,031
I think you're telling us
we should teach ourselves.

215
00:10:48,044 --> 00:10:49,658
I don't think you're gonna learn
if I tell you how to think.

216
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:51,356
I think if you tell us what you
think, then we'll learn that.

217
00:10:51,382 --> 00:10:53,582
I thought you should break into
groups, but you failed to learn that,

218
00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:54,888
so your theory's invalid.

219
00:10:56,547 --> 00:10:58,283
Ooh, snap.

220
00:11:00,552 --> 00:11:01,848
Break into groups.

221
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,263
Mr. Winger, how did you do that?

222
00:11:04,276 --> 00:11:07,003
- Do what? - You won an
argument against Annie Edison.

223
00:11:07,023 --> 00:11:08,896
You don't argue with
Annie, Garrett,

224
00:11:08,922 --> 00:11:10,996
you let her argue with
herself until she loses.

225
00:11:11,021 --> 00:11:13,628
- You can win by not arguing?
- Yeah, Ski Cap.

226
00:11:13,654 --> 00:11:15,474
Anyone that tries to
argue has already lost,

227
00:11:15,492 --> 00:11:17,512
because they pick
an argument to lose.

228
00:11:17,548 --> 00:11:19,475
I mean, that's why
I never lost a case.

229
00:11:19,486 --> 00:11:22,781
Prosecutors beat themselves,
because they d... Here.

230
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:26,156
Because they draw a circle

231
00:11:26,429 --> 00:11:28,841
around something called
"The Truth,"

232
00:11:28,867 --> 00:11:31,982
and they say that everything
outside it is a lie.

233
00:11:33,070 --> 00:11:34,413
Annie,

234
00:11:34,604 --> 00:11:36,949
don't cry, you were right.

235
00:11:36,977 --> 00:11:38,810
I actually might enjoy teaching.

236
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:41,372
I'm not crying because of you.

237
00:11:41,408 --> 00:11:43,664
I got this from Professor Hickey.

238
00:11:43,683 --> 00:11:45,587
What the hell? He
gave you a dead rat?

239
00:11:45,616 --> 00:11:47,800
No, this is my witness
intimidation project.

240
00:11:47,821 --> 00:11:49,817
He gave me this.

241
00:11:49,841 --> 00:11:53,523
- A-minus. - I guess I
overextended my schedule.

242
00:11:53,862 --> 00:11:56,743
I'm sorry, Jeff. I have
to drop your class.

243
00:11:57,844 --> 00:12:00,878
Okay, thoughts on Nicolas Cage.

244
00:12:00,891 --> 00:12:03,608
I think he's a genius. I mean, he
keeps getting hired for some reason,

245
00:12:03,614 --> 00:12:05,109
and it's not because
of his hair.

246
00:12:05,138 --> 00:12:08,015
I don't know, if I was in
70 films over 30 years,

247
00:12:08,021 --> 00:12:10,254
and I spent each one
talking at random volumes,

248
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,185
I might accidentally
win an Oscar.

249
00:12:12,191 --> 00:12:14,758
I think our opinions about
pop culture are fed to us

250
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:18,268
- by machines designed to criminalize
human autonomy. - Good one.

251
00:12:21,255 --> 00:12:22,322
Dear God.

252
00:12:22,356 --> 00:12:23,848
- Abed.
- No, stand back.

253
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,476
Give him space.

254
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,410
Nicolas Cage, good or bad.

255
00:12:32,825 --> 00:12:36,883
A challenge, certainly,
but not unsolvable,

256
00:12:37,153 --> 00:12:41,002
because all actors have distinct
values, which I use to find answers.

257
00:12:41,022 --> 00:12:43,903
Abed, how much Nicolas
Cage did you...

258
00:12:43,918 --> 00:12:45,435
Enough!

259
00:12:46,997 --> 00:12:50,266
I watched enough to find...
the answers.

260
00:12:51,119 --> 00:12:53,989
Because this...
this is my reality,

261
00:12:54,008 --> 00:12:57,449
this is how I learned to be, and my
being doesn't allow for Nicolas...

262
00:12:57,458 --> 00:13:00,010
Freaking Cage, okay?

263
00:13:00,033 --> 00:13:01,941
Oh, yeah!

264
00:13:02,887 --> 00:13:05,789
Yeah! Oh! Oh!

265
00:13:12,783 --> 00:13:15,621
Oh, I'm a cat.
I'm a sexy cat.

266
00:13:18,392 --> 00:13:21,591
Oh! Oh! Oh!

267
00:13:21,618 --> 00:13:24,537
O-o-ohh!

268
00:13:32,433 --> 00:13:37,724
Abed? Think of something safe like
Holly Hunter, or Don Cheadle!

269
00:13:38,354 --> 00:13:40,197
Abed? Abed!

270
00:13:43,898 --> 00:13:45,491
That was brilliant.

271
00:13:48,637 --> 00:13:50,044
You gave Annie an A-minus?

272
00:13:50,071 --> 00:13:51,818
How could you? What
were you thinking?

273
00:13:51,855 --> 00:13:54,291
- Are you drawing a peanut?
- It's a duck,

274
00:13:54,316 --> 00:13:56,100
and it's none of your
concern, actually.

275
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,476
Are you trying to cartoon?

276
00:13:57,496 --> 00:13:59,995
Trying and succeeding.
State your business.

277
00:14:00,008 --> 00:14:03,863
I want to know what kind of monster
minuses the best student in his class.

278
00:14:03,883 --> 00:14:05,010
I'm a monster?

279
00:14:05,030 --> 00:14:08,143
I was in the storm drain lair
of the Black River Ripper.

280
00:14:08,156 --> 00:14:11,440
I have seen human heads used
for things other than heads,

281
00:14:11,471 --> 00:14:14,972
so best not be calling
me a monster.

282
00:14:14,978 --> 00:14:17,157
Okay, you're a bad teacher.

283
00:14:17,185 --> 00:14:19,532
- I got her off your back.
- I was handling it.

284
00:14:19,549 --> 00:14:21,906
Unlike you, I know how
to engage my students.

285
00:14:21,917 --> 00:14:25,271
I mean, I may not love teaching, but
I did fool around with it today,

286
00:14:25,290 --> 00:14:27,243
and I may hook up with it again
a few more times

287
00:14:27,251 --> 00:14:28,952
even if I do dump it
right before Christmas.

288
00:14:28,986 --> 00:14:31,866
- We do not work for them.
- Maybe we do.

289
00:14:31,896 --> 00:14:33,485
That does not count
as an argument.

290
00:14:33,504 --> 00:14:36,205
Yeah, well, drawing ducks
doesn't count as cartooning!

291
00:14:36,230 --> 00:14:40,512
It's one duck, his name is Jim,
and publishers are interested!

292
00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:43,634
Miss Edison, good news.

293
00:14:43,654 --> 00:14:46,946
I talked to Professor Hickey and it
turns out your project was an "A."

294
00:14:46,966 --> 00:14:49,357
You used your connections
to change my grade?

295
00:14:49,383 --> 00:14:51,817
No, an A-minus means
you actually earned an "A,"

296
00:14:51,839 --> 00:14:53,138
but the teacher doesn't like you.

297
00:14:53,157 --> 00:14:55,362
- It's a secret faculty thing.
- What?

298
00:14:55,379 --> 00:14:57,812
- Are you kidding?
- Et tu, Brute?

299
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:58,780
Am I using that right?

300
00:14:58,803 --> 00:15:01,516
I've been busting my
butt for five years,

301
00:15:01,543 --> 00:15:06,005
and the whole thing comes down to a
few old losers' petty insecurities?

302
00:15:06,024 --> 00:15:08,404
- Oligarchy!
- Et tu, Brute!

303
00:15:08,430 --> 00:15:11,442
- We've got to tell people!
- Mm.

304
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:14,060
Minuses are made up!

305
00:15:15,454 --> 00:15:18,252
It's riot time! Yeah!

306
00:15:18,405 --> 00:15:20,945
Ugh! Bring me their heads!

307
00:15:22,914 --> 00:15:25,249
Pop pop!

308
00:15:31,838 --> 00:15:35,717
Abed? I couldn't find you
at school, so I got worried.

309
00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:38,377
You're throwing away all
your little movies, why?

310
00:15:38,403 --> 00:15:40,117
They have no value anymore.

311
00:15:40,153 --> 00:15:43,057
Well, if you're looking for
something to believe in,

312
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:46,932
I know a skinny, little Hebrew
handyman you could meet.

313
00:15:46,969 --> 00:15:50,198
I'm not going to become Christian,
Shirley, or a better Muslim.

314
00:15:50,237 --> 00:15:51,585
This was my religion.

315
00:15:51,591 --> 00:15:53,661
I thought the meaning of
people was somewhere in here.

316
00:15:53,681 --> 00:15:56,315
Then I looked inside Nicolas
Cage and I found a secret.

317
00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:58,040
People are random and pointless.

318
00:15:58,068 --> 00:16:00,223
Well, in my religion,
the whole point

319
00:16:00,237 --> 00:16:02,177
is that you can't understand
every little thing,

320
00:16:02,197 --> 00:16:04,764
and you know, there's a word
for people who remind you

321
00:16:04,777 --> 00:16:07,250
that you're not God, and invite
you to try a little harder.

322
00:16:07,277 --> 00:16:09,948
Prophets, messiahs,
kung fu pandas.

323
00:16:10,774 --> 00:16:12,775
- So Nicolas Cage is Jesus?
- Uh, no,

324
00:16:12,795 --> 00:16:15,116
but he clearly works
in mysterious ways,

325
00:16:15,136 --> 00:16:18,071
and maybe that's just his job.

326
00:16:18,465 --> 00:16:20,588
And that's why critics can
call him a genius or an idiot

327
00:16:20,607 --> 00:16:21,682
and be right no matter what.

328
00:16:21,706 --> 00:16:24,738
A demon to some and an angel
to others, like a cenobite.

329
00:16:24,994 --> 00:16:26,241
Excuse me, did you say cenobite?

330
00:16:26,260 --> 00:16:27,868
Yeah, you know, cenobite,
like from Hellraiser.

331
00:16:27,884 --> 00:16:30,544
You like Hellraiser? You
know the word "Hellraiser"?

332
00:16:30,587 --> 00:16:34,388
I thought pinhead in space was a bit
of a letdown, but I'm in for the ride.

333
00:16:38,048 --> 00:16:40,225
Rise up, Greendale!

334
00:16:40,245 --> 00:16:42,452
Your teachers have
been lying to you!

335
00:16:42,478 --> 00:16:46,291
You deserve slightly
higher grades!

336
00:16:46,329 --> 00:16:49,139
Slightly higher grades!
Slightly higher grades!

337
00:16:49,159 --> 00:16:51,706
The whole world is watching this!

338
00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:53,095
- Yeah!
- Oh, wait.

339
00:16:53,108 --> 00:16:54,288
I'm out of data minutes.

340
00:16:54,308 --> 00:16:58,279
The whole world will be watching
this on the first of next month!

341
00:16:58,305 --> 00:17:01,450
Slightly higher grades!
Slightly higher grades!

342
00:17:01,483 --> 00:17:03,723
- Jeffrey, do something!
- Slightly higher grades.

343
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,098
Distract them.
Take your shirt off!

344
00:17:05,136 --> 00:17:07,604
- Here.
- Slightly higher grades!

345
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:11,294
- Slightly higher grades!
- Everybody, calm down! Just listen!

346
00:17:11,315 --> 00:17:14,138
Do you think the students
and teachers at Harvard

347
00:17:14,164 --> 00:17:18,607
are at each other's throats?
No, because they're all rich.

348
00:17:18,635 --> 00:17:21,035
We all have something
in common too.

349
00:17:21,057 --> 00:17:23,537
We all suck.

350
00:17:23,562 --> 00:17:25,309
We're all broke.

351
00:17:25,322 --> 00:17:27,676
We all just went
through an entire week

352
00:17:27,692 --> 00:17:30,451
of meatball lunches
without even blinking.

353
00:17:30,481 --> 00:17:31,948
Oh, that's on me.

354
00:17:31,974 --> 00:17:33,826
I converted the lunch menu
to a spreadsheet.

355
00:17:33,851 --> 00:17:36,600
The teachers here
are teachers here

356
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:41,297
because they did something
wrong, same as the students.

357
00:17:41,325 --> 00:17:45,798
So get on the same team,
because, take it from me,

358
00:17:45,825 --> 00:17:50,728
those of us that get to leave
aren't going anywhere.

359
00:17:53,808 --> 00:17:55,633
- Boo!
- No, you suck!

360
00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:56,693
Ugh!

361
00:17:56,704 --> 00:17:58,944
Jeffrey, go with my
"take off your shirt" plan!

362
00:17:58,957 --> 00:18:03,010
May I point out that you're
doing this together?

363
00:18:03,279 --> 00:18:06,751
It's all based on rows
and columns of cells.

364
00:18:06,764 --> 00:18:08,390
I think that's why
the call it "Excel."

365
00:18:08,413 --> 00:18:09,373
- I don't care.
- Mm-kay,

366
00:18:09,397 --> 00:18:13,353
now, I know it's unrealistic to think
that we can eliminate riots completely,

367
00:18:13,380 --> 00:18:15,403
but I have been
crunching the numbers,

368
00:18:15,423 --> 00:18:17,536
and I believe we can
reduce them by 40%.

369
00:18:17,559 --> 00:18:20,223
Let's hope the man doesn't target
you for dreaming this big.

370
00:18:20,249 --> 00:18:21,692
Here's my plan.

371
00:18:21,711 --> 00:18:24,960
You know that "Save Greendale"
committee you pretended to form?

372
00:18:24,993 --> 00:18:26,776
We need one of those for real.

373
00:18:26,799 --> 00:18:30,469
I want a student/teacher
alliance, with you in charge.

374
00:18:30,489 --> 00:18:32,336
- I vote myself out.
- You don't have a quorum.

375
00:18:32,353 --> 00:18:37,697
And don't forget, if I fire you, you're
likely starve and die, so you know.

376
00:18:37,745 --> 00:18:39,185
Do you want me
to cut your meatball?

377
00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:43,841
All right, look,

378
00:18:44,419 --> 00:18:46,852
there are two things
I don't do well,

379
00:18:46,884 --> 00:18:49,436
apologies and
drawing duck bills.

380
00:18:49,470 --> 00:18:51,950
I lost perspective.
Students aren't the enemy,

381
00:18:51,976 --> 00:18:55,536
and, I don't know, maybe
my bills are a little pointy.

382
00:18:55,562 --> 00:18:57,763
Maybe I'm basing them on beaks.

383
00:18:57,781 --> 00:19:00,988
- Apologize to Annie.
- I did, I gave her an "A."

384
00:19:01,839 --> 00:19:04,179
I don't know how else
to make it right.

385
00:19:04,999 --> 00:19:08,508
Oh. I guess, I don't
know, I quit.

386
00:19:11,332 --> 00:19:12,822
I got a better idea.

387
00:19:12,846 --> 00:19:17,640
As our first order of business for the
student/teacher Save Greendale Committee,

388
00:19:17,668 --> 00:19:21,315
we hereby ban the Dean from
attending future meetings.

389
00:19:21,477 --> 00:19:23,850
- Yeah.
- Our second order of business...

390
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:26,013
- Lunch.
- Yeah.

391
00:19:38,771 --> 00:19:42,148
I'm taste-testing rations
for the shelter I'm digging.

392
00:19:42,441 --> 00:19:44,248
Are you the coolest
person in the world?

393
00:19:44,277 --> 00:19:45,655
I doubt it.

394
00:19:45,674 --> 00:19:47,137
I would like to address
the fact that there are

395
00:19:47,157 --> 00:19:49,334
no Asian-Americans
represented here.

396
00:19:49,361 --> 00:19:50,601
We can get Chang.

397
00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:53,983
No need to rush into anything,
I just wanted to address it.

398
00:19:54,162 --> 00:19:56,012
Anybody want some nuts?

399
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,847
- Quiet, I think he's just coming.
- This is gonna be hilarious.

400
00:20:35,495 --> 00:20:37,395
Yeah, pharmacy please.

401
00:20:38,313 --> 00:20:40,536
Yeah, this is Buzz Hickey.

402
00:20:40,546 --> 00:20:44,438
I think you gave me the wrong
medication. I usually get Lipitor.

403
00:20:44,886 --> 00:20:47,919
What do you mean my insurance
won't cover it anymore?

404
00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:51,324
My body doesn't respond well
to the generic stuff.

405
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,873
Let me ask you a question, lady,
can you pay out of pocket?

406
00:20:54,903 --> 00:20:59,161
I'm an educator, ma'am,
living on a teacher's salary!

407
00:20:59,387 --> 00:21:02,850
No, I-I'm sorry.
What's your name?

408
00:21:03,295 --> 00:21:07,243
Leia, well, let me tell
you something, Leia,

409
00:21:07,519 --> 00:21:10,106
I wake up every night screaming.

410
00:21:10,132 --> 00:21:13,147
Life is unfair, but it's
the only thing we g...

411
00:21:13,179 --> 00:21:16,156
Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
I'll call back later.

412
00:21:22,444 --> 00:21:25,155
Mom, it's Buzz. I'm gonna
say this as fast as I can.

413
00:21:25,177 --> 00:21:28,029
We can't afford to bury dad
with the rest of the family.

414
00:21:29,216 --> 00:21:35,352
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

415
00:21:36,325 --> 00:21:46,325
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