1
00:00:07,921 --> 00:00:08,956
Oh.

2
00:00:08,969 --> 00:00:12,491
Please stay for complimentary
saltines and full-price sodas.

3
00:00:12,705 --> 00:00:16,108
But first, The Dulcet Tones
of the Bennett boys.

4
00:00:36,212 --> 00:00:37,773
Want to spend your
life opening lockers?

5
00:00:37,796 --> 00:00:40,504
You don't have to raise your voice!
I'm going as fast as I can!

6
00:00:43,994 --> 00:00:46,860
Oh, great, now I have
these folders to deal with!

7
00:00:50,590 --> 00:00:52,543
When it rains, it pours.

8
00:01:04,016 --> 00:01:06,894
Ass Crack Bandit!

9
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:39,395
Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

10
00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:41,974
Let's settle down!

11
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,044
Guys, what is known...

12
00:01:44,056 --> 00:01:47,642
What's known is that
around noon yesterday,

13
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,855
an unidentified student
dropped a coin

14
00:01:49,868 --> 00:01:52,622
in another student's, you
know, upper buttock fold.

15
00:01:53,758 --> 00:01:56,017
- Yes, yes.
- Gwen Ridley, Greendale Gazette.

16
00:01:56,044 --> 00:01:58,159
Is this the return
of the Ass Crack Bandit?

17
00:01:58,194 --> 00:02:01,265
Okay, that person, Gwen,
if he ever existed,

18
00:02:01,271 --> 00:02:03,350
stopped being active
over a year ago.

19
00:02:04,214 --> 00:02:06,022
- Yeah.
- Tim Briggs, Greendale Mirror.

20
00:02:06,057 --> 00:02:07,696
Is it true
that after the attack,

21
00:02:07,730 --> 00:02:09,723
you received a letter
from the Ass Crack Bandit?

22
00:02:09,736 --> 00:02:13,006
I never said that, Tim, and when did
we split the gazette from the mirror?

23
00:02:13,025 --> 00:02:15,442
And how many photographs
do you people need?

24
00:02:15,455 --> 00:02:17,676
Raul Lopez, Las Noticias
Hispanicas De Greendale.

25
00:02:17,689 --> 00:02:18,949
Will this affect soccer?

26
00:02:20,125 --> 00:02:23,538
We did, in fact, receive a letter
an hour after the incident

27
00:02:23,551 --> 00:02:26,010
including details not
known to the public

28
00:02:26,023 --> 00:02:28,817
about the brand of
Garrett's underwear.

29
00:02:29,113 --> 00:02:30,616
Hanes his ways.

30
00:02:31,249 --> 00:02:32,923
"I am the Ass Crack Bandit.

31
00:02:32,943 --> 00:02:34,990
"Humans make better
banks than piggies.

32
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,930
"Whenever I get more change
at the store,

33
00:02:36,950 --> 00:02:39,268
"I can't wait to drop it
down your butts.

34
00:02:39,299 --> 00:02:42,009
"I think I will go to the
bank and get so much change

35
00:02:42,022 --> 00:02:45,788
"and take all my dollars and make them
into change and drop it all down there."

36
00:02:45,814 --> 00:02:47,581
He should be called
"the run-on sentence bandit."

37
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:50,267
From this moment, people,
we are at DEFCON 4...

38
00:02:50,287 --> 00:02:53,840
if that's the highest DEFCON, and if
high DEFCONs are worse than low ones.

39
00:02:53,859 --> 00:02:56,393
Ah, you all remember
psychology Professor Duncan.

40
00:02:56,406 --> 00:02:57,600
Hey, buddy.
Where'd you go?

41
00:02:57,613 --> 00:02:59,540
I was taking care
of my sick mother.

42
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,107
She's still alive, but
I've put in my time.

43
00:03:02,151 --> 00:03:03,278
Britta.

44
00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,707
Oh, Pierce, good for you.

45
00:03:04,727 --> 00:03:07,514
I always thought that hairpiece
was a bit cowardly.

46
00:03:07,538 --> 00:03:11,666
Duncan is going to help us work
up something called a "profile,"

47
00:03:11,686 --> 00:03:13,656
so we can root
this student out.

48
00:03:13,683 --> 00:03:16,590
For the record, I tried to get something
done about this two years ago.

49
00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:19,043
This is not about you, Annie.
This is about the school.

50
00:03:19,070 --> 00:03:21,770
This is the biggest P.R.
crisis to hit Greendale

51
00:03:21,783 --> 00:03:24,180
since we held that rally
protesting the wrong Korea.

52
00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:26,457
Jeffrey, how can you help?

53
00:03:26,698 --> 00:03:28,499
I'll take a look
at the whole picture,

54
00:03:28,519 --> 00:03:30,052
see if any pieces match up.

55
00:03:30,942 --> 00:03:32,473
Double fruit bonus.

56
00:03:33,459 --> 00:03:35,624
Crikey!
Kiwi combo, mate.

57
00:03:36,235 --> 00:03:40,415
I took a map of the campus
and pinpointed all the locations

58
00:03:40,427 --> 00:03:42,907
- of the Ass Crack Bandit strikes.
- You can't handle the fruit.

59
00:03:42,936 --> 00:03:45,499
During the bandit's
most daring spree,

60
00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:47,925
he cracked
three people in a row.

61
00:03:47,998 --> 00:03:50,877
Today, I sprinted
between all three sites.

62
00:03:50,901 --> 00:03:52,990
My quickest time
was 20 minutes.

63
00:03:53,016 --> 00:03:55,425
- The A.C.B. did it in 10.
- So he's got long legs.

64
00:03:55,451 --> 00:03:58,359
I think he has something
I don't... a shortcut.

65
00:03:58,435 --> 00:04:01,246
- The faculty lounge.
- You think the bandit's a teacher?

66
00:04:01,265 --> 00:04:03,492
The Dean's not gonna
help me pursue this.

67
00:04:03,519 --> 00:04:04,467
I need help.

68
00:04:04,487 --> 00:04:05,720
Pineapple penalty, fool!

69
00:04:05,748 --> 00:04:08,435
No! Unfair and racist.

70
00:04:08,455 --> 00:04:10,227
Look, no way, Annie.

71
00:04:10,246 --> 00:04:12,539
Look, the faculty already hates me,
and the Dean signs my paychecks.

72
00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:13,789
But this is important!

73
00:04:13,816 --> 00:04:17,555
- I can assure you that's not true.
- Fruit, fruit, fruit, fruit, fruit!

74
00:04:17,588 --> 00:04:19,100
Yeah. Collect the seeds, sucka!

75
00:04:19,114 --> 00:04:21,281
After the tone, please
leave a message.

76
00:04:21,293 --> 00:04:22,796
Hey, Abed.

77
00:04:23,267 --> 00:04:25,869
Lab ran late. What'd
Annie get us for dinner?

78
00:04:26,081 --> 00:04:27,715
I hope it's not salad again.

79
00:04:30,082 --> 00:04:32,343
I'd rather just stop
at the meat store.

80
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:38,240
All right.
Talk to you later.

81
00:04:41,622 --> 00:04:42,952
Oh.

82
00:04:47,049 --> 00:04:48,874
Well, hello.

83
00:04:50,152 --> 00:04:51,596
Oh!

84
00:04:56,867 --> 00:04:59,235
Will you stop with the
cups and the blankets?

85
00:04:59,248 --> 00:05:00,968
This is how they comfort
victims in movies.

86
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,981
Okay, I am hereby banning
change from this campus.

87
00:05:03,987 --> 00:05:05,520
You really think
that's an effective...

88
00:05:05,547 --> 00:05:08,590
Well, guess what, your two cents
is change, and it's banned.

89
00:05:08,616 --> 00:05:10,203
Got something.

90
00:05:15,116 --> 00:05:16,797
Frankie, somebody get me a bag.

91
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,491
Oh, give me that.

92
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,853
"I hope you enjoyed
my work again.

93
00:05:20,873 --> 00:05:24,169
"You can't stop me, because what are
you gonna do, not have butts?" Oof.

94
00:05:24,192 --> 00:05:26,159
Dean, I think it's a teacher.

95
00:05:26,187 --> 00:05:28,314
- I beg your what?
- I have evidence that shows...

96
00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:30,141
Yeah, and I have evidence
that shows I'm not listening.

97
00:05:30,165 --> 00:05:32,478
Exhibit "A," exhibit "B."
Lalalalalala.

98
00:05:32,538 --> 00:05:35,588
This is never gonna end if you keep
choosing politics over justice.

99
00:05:35,607 --> 00:05:39,448
Okay, you want to make trouble? Go
to Parker brothers. You're out.

100
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,367
Take it easy.

101
00:05:43,639 --> 00:05:45,773
Taking it easy is
how Troy ended up

102
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,444
with a quarter of a buck
in his crack.

103
00:05:47,462 --> 00:05:49,063
Annie, nobody's asking you
to do this...

104
00:05:49,084 --> 00:05:51,517
Jeff, come on! You know
how this school works.

105
00:05:51,530 --> 00:05:53,910
We do it, or it
doesn't get done.

106
00:05:53,942 --> 00:05:56,075
The men on our coins
understood that.

107
00:05:56,088 --> 00:05:59,369
Maybe the Ass Crack Bandit's point is
that we're letting our values slide.

108
00:05:59,394 --> 00:06:02,758
Or maybe he's a frat boy
coming from the laundromat.

109
00:06:03,050 --> 00:06:05,953
The important question
is "who cares?"

110
00:06:08,917 --> 00:06:10,425
Look,

111
00:06:11,465 --> 00:06:13,125
let me know
what you need from me...

112
00:06:13,150 --> 00:06:15,617
on the down low.
Way down low.

113
00:06:16,517 --> 00:06:18,043
And no squealing.

114
00:06:20,099 --> 00:06:22,529
Okay, squeal.

115
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:30,267
Real Neil here, five days into the
return of the Ass Crack Bandit.

116
00:06:30,283 --> 00:06:32,110
It's alive!

117
00:06:32,256 --> 00:06:35,523
Since we last spoke, three more
victims have caught the quarter,

118
00:06:35,547 --> 00:06:37,181
with no end in sight.

119
00:06:37,203 --> 00:06:39,036
Safety pants, 100 bucks a pop.

120
00:06:39,049 --> 00:06:42,612
All sandwiches $5. Sorry,
no change. Blame the bandit.

121
00:06:42,622 --> 00:06:45,003
Here's a song that's been
shooting up the request line

122
00:06:45,022 --> 00:06:46,545
faster than coins are dropping.

123
00:07:00,432 --> 00:07:02,419
The nature of the Ass
Crack Bandit's crimes

124
00:07:02,441 --> 00:07:06,105
would suggest that he's
angry or just fell in love.

125
00:07:06,118 --> 00:07:08,306
We know that he hates
money or loves it

126
00:07:08,334 --> 00:07:11,427
or doesn't care about money
and hates butts or loves them.

127
00:07:11,453 --> 00:07:13,006
Mm. Abed, you're special.

128
00:07:13,026 --> 00:07:16,827
Can't you just stand at the scene
of the crime and see what happened?

129
00:07:21,299 --> 00:07:23,177
I see a man...

130
00:07:24,101 --> 00:07:27,288
Using a social disorder
as a procedural device.

131
00:07:27,899 --> 00:07:29,832
Wait, wait, wait,
I see another man.

132
00:07:30,296 --> 00:07:32,269
Mildly autistic super
detectives everywhere.

133
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,277
Basic cable,
broadcast networks.

134
00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,980
Pain. Painful writing.

135
00:07:40,091 --> 00:07:41,634
It hurts.

136
00:07:43,316 --> 00:07:45,736
Okay, ooh, LA LA. Hickey,
what have you got?

137
00:07:45,749 --> 00:07:48,781
Heartburn. It doesn't
help me catch criminals.

138
00:07:48,821 --> 00:07:51,127
Okay. I didn't want to
take drastic measures,

139
00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:53,560
but I've cooked up
a little something.

140
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:54,453
Chang?

141
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:59,523
You better put a quarter
in that crack, Mr. Bandit.

142
00:07:59,789 --> 00:08:01,638
Professor hickey.

143
00:08:04,759 --> 00:08:06,411
Whoops.

144
00:08:09,592 --> 00:08:10,711
Hah!

145
00:08:10,870 --> 00:08:13,676
- Gotcha!
- Whoa! Ha, what do you think?

146
00:08:13,703 --> 00:08:18,026
I think this is spending too much money
on a crime that nets you 25¢ a pop.

147
00:08:18,060 --> 00:08:19,747
Ah, no, no.
This was free.

148
00:08:19,782 --> 00:08:23,340
Then I think you just admitted
you already owned a fake butt.

149
00:08:25,614 --> 00:08:28,571
"I am the mad hatter,
if hats were butts.

150
00:08:28,955 --> 00:08:31,680
"I am neither left nor right.
I am the space between.

151
00:08:31,693 --> 00:08:33,182
"To me, you're all like ants

152
00:08:33,207 --> 00:08:35,534
marching to class,
freaks on parade."

153
00:08:35,562 --> 00:08:38,589
I mean, why mix metaphors?
Ants don't have butts.

154
00:08:39,405 --> 00:08:40,405
Wait a minute.

155
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,951
- Ants do have butts.
- No.

156
00:08:42,975 --> 00:08:44,168
These are Dave lyrics.

157
00:08:44,181 --> 00:08:45,423
- Dave?
- Dave Matthews.

158
00:08:45,443 --> 00:08:47,304
Hard-core fans
call him Dave.

159
00:08:47,578 --> 00:08:50,063
Oh, excuse me for being
alive in the '90s

160
00:08:50,083 --> 00:08:52,006
and having two ears
connected to a heart.

161
00:08:52,030 --> 00:08:54,383
Okay, so all we need to
do is assemble a list

162
00:08:54,390 --> 00:08:56,552
of which Greendale teachers
are Dave Matthews fans.

163
00:08:56,587 --> 00:08:58,381
Guess we better get to work.

164
00:09:08,706 --> 00:09:10,293
- Done.
- Oh.

165
00:09:11,601 --> 00:09:12,894
Thought that would take longer.

166
00:09:12,916 --> 00:09:17,228
So please approve the Dean's new
security measure called "Troy's law,"

167
00:09:17,673 --> 00:09:20,897
because a camera
in the bathroom...

168
00:09:21,997 --> 00:09:23,424
Is better than a
quarter in your butt.

169
00:09:24,653 --> 00:09:29,832
As we've seen, the Ass Crack Bandit can
be defeated by using the three "B's:

170
00:09:29,851 --> 00:09:33,639
Belts, briefs, and buddies.
Good.

171
00:09:33,658 --> 00:09:37,449
The bandit always gets his
victims when they're alone.

172
00:09:37,469 --> 00:09:39,429
Bend over with friends over.

173
00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:41,506
There's safety in numbers.

174
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,850
I got cracked!

175
00:09:45,892 --> 00:09:47,799
He's under the bleachers!

176
00:09:47,826 --> 00:09:50,179
Everyone remain calm, please!

177
00:09:50,207 --> 00:09:51,693
All right, free-for-all!

178
00:09:53,452 --> 00:09:54,946
Hey. Where you been?

179
00:09:54,966 --> 00:09:56,947
I questioned Guterman.
We can cross him off.

180
00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:00,265
At the time of the first cracking, he was
chaperoning Greendale's science dance.

181
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:01,992
The student that attended
can vouch for him.

182
00:10:02,021 --> 00:10:03,399
I checked out Mrs. Plimpton.

183
00:10:03,429 --> 00:10:05,282
Airtight alibi.
She's dead.

184
00:10:05,324 --> 00:10:07,393
Next on my list is this one.

185
00:10:07,839 --> 00:10:09,083
Bublitz.

186
00:10:09,267 --> 00:10:12,753
- We're close, I can feel it.
- Mmm!

187
00:10:12,773 --> 00:10:16,181
This extra long churro tastes
good in my real mouth.

188
00:10:16,201 --> 00:10:18,543
Nom nom nom nom nom.

189
00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:24,997
May I help you?

190
00:10:25,028 --> 00:10:27,982
We'd like to ask you a few
questions if that's okay.

191
00:10:28,006 --> 00:10:29,767
He's bolting!

192
00:10:35,941 --> 00:10:37,366
He's there!

193
00:10:44,373 --> 00:10:47,860
If you're going to confiscate
this, know one thing.

194
00:10:48,332 --> 00:10:52,878
It's a mild, kind sativa,
perfect for playing guitar.

195
00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:55,195
There's been another...

196
00:10:58,117 --> 00:11:00,211
what the hell?

197
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:01,974
Destroying classrooms?

198
00:11:01,987 --> 00:11:05,533
Secretly investigating
teachers behind my back?

199
00:11:05,544 --> 00:11:07,167
Someone has to
investigate the faculty,

200
00:11:07,186 --> 00:11:10,121
but you're like a single-celled
organism... no nerve.

201
00:11:10,142 --> 00:11:12,494
Annie, you're suspended.

202
00:11:12,864 --> 00:11:16,271
- Wait, you can't do that!
- Don't tell me what I can't do.

203
00:11:16,321 --> 00:11:18,623
What do you think you
are, Cosmo's July quiz?

204
00:11:18,648 --> 00:11:21,661
- She was trying to help you.
- Let me ask you two something.

205
00:11:22,037 --> 00:11:26,534
Let me be, like, the 50th person at
this school to ask, what is this, huh?

206
00:11:27,188 --> 00:11:29,598
- What is this creepy business?
- What?

207
00:11:29,611 --> 00:11:33,209
I think you two like to
partner up on cutesy capers

208
00:11:33,228 --> 00:11:35,356
so you can hold
hands in the dark

209
00:11:35,383 --> 00:11:39,258
and address your urges
in semi-acceptable scenarios.

210
00:11:39,285 --> 00:11:40,518
Whoa, not cool!

211
00:11:40,545 --> 00:11:43,378
You not cool!
You unprofessional!

212
00:11:43,449 --> 00:11:44,695
I'm punishing you, Jeffrey.

213
00:11:44,708 --> 00:11:48,482
Starting next week, you are the
new coach of the water polo team.

214
00:11:48,498 --> 00:11:49,801
- What?
- That's right.

215
00:11:49,832 --> 00:11:52,439
Every morning, in the water...

216
00:11:52,922 --> 00:11:54,029
Mm.

217
00:11:54,216 --> 00:11:56,890
Craig Pelton, Dean and
assistant water polo coach.

218
00:11:56,921 --> 00:11:58,088
What?

219
00:11:58,114 --> 00:11:59,721
This is the Ass Crack Bandit.

220
00:11:59,740 --> 00:12:01,527
- Uh...
- I find it funny

221
00:12:01,553 --> 00:12:03,102
that you ever thought
you could catch me.

222
00:12:03,115 --> 00:12:05,821
Oh, that's very interesting.
Please continue.

223
00:12:05,827 --> 00:12:07,636
I've enjoyed
our game of cat and mouse.

224
00:12:07,655 --> 00:12:10,575
It's funny how close your two
little helpers came to catching me.

225
00:12:10,598 --> 00:12:12,477
I liked watching them
run in circles.

226
00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:13,830
Although sometimes I wonder,

227
00:12:13,844 --> 00:12:16,499
are they chasing me as an
excuse to get near each other?

228
00:12:16,521 --> 00:12:19,344
- I mean, get a room already.
- We're friends!

229
00:12:20,345 --> 00:12:22,570
Why don't you tell us where
you are, and we'll discuss it?

230
00:12:22,587 --> 00:12:25,040
I am the bringer of change.
I am the filler of cracks.

231
00:12:25,059 --> 00:12:29,165
Oh, that's very interesting.
I myself was in 4h.

232
00:12:29,408 --> 00:12:30,480
Oh!

233
00:12:30,895 --> 00:12:32,495
Trace the call, Rhonda!

234
00:12:32,510 --> 00:12:34,543
This means trace the call!

235
00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:36,799
Look at the extension.

236
00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:39,053
594. Okay.

237
00:12:39,172 --> 00:12:40,805
Tracing...

238
00:12:40,831 --> 00:12:43,096
Tracing.

239
00:12:43,116 --> 00:12:45,163
Got it, the stables!
We have stables?

240
00:12:45,178 --> 00:12:46,445
Let's go.

241
00:12:52,985 --> 00:12:54,834
- Creepy.
- I don't know.

242
00:12:54,868 --> 00:12:58,707
Add some doilies and a foot bath,
and this is my mom's house.

243
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,310
Mush! Mush!

244
00:13:12,744 --> 00:13:14,860
Mush! Yah! Mush!

245
00:13:14,866 --> 00:13:16,398
No, run. Mush! Mush!

246
00:13:16,411 --> 00:13:17,948
Starburns?

247
00:13:20,546 --> 00:13:23,186
Since faking his death
to escape meth charges,

248
00:13:23,199 --> 00:13:27,190
Alex "Starburns" Osbourne
has been living in the stables,

249
00:13:27,208 --> 00:13:30,301
eating garbage, and trying
to build a cat car.

250
00:13:30,314 --> 00:13:32,533
He's also confessed
to dropping coins

251
00:13:32,552 --> 00:13:36,152
down exposed butt cracks.
Case closed.

252
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,061
- High five?
- Sure.

253
00:13:40,089 --> 00:13:42,958
- No.
- Oh, American high five. Sorry.

254
00:13:43,811 --> 00:13:44,967
Whoo!

255
00:13:53,101 --> 00:13:54,472
- Oh!
- Ooh!

256
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:05,652
So much pain.

257
00:14:06,081 --> 00:14:07,441
But now it's time to heal!

258
00:14:07,462 --> 00:14:09,363
You're all invited
to the official

259
00:14:09,378 --> 00:14:13,646
"we caught the Ass Crack Bandit"
dance tonight in the cafeteria!

260
00:14:19,242 --> 00:14:20,135
Jeff!

261
00:14:20,156 --> 00:14:21,989
There's no way
Starburns did it.

262
00:14:22,011 --> 00:14:25,027
- Innocent people don't confess.
- Are you kidding me?

263
00:14:25,054 --> 00:14:27,411
You knew it was a teacher.
You know that doesn't add up.

264
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:28,804
Maybe I was wrong.

265
00:14:28,845 --> 00:14:32,012
Or maybe the Dean
was right about us.

266
00:14:32,048 --> 00:14:33,035
What? No.

267
00:14:33,068 --> 00:14:36,495
Annie, I took this case
because I wanted to help you.

268
00:14:36,791 --> 00:14:38,145
Then what is this?

269
00:14:38,173 --> 00:14:40,374
It's platonic shoulder holding.

270
00:14:40,535 --> 00:14:41,955
Look.

271
00:14:42,576 --> 00:14:45,103
Leonard, hello, how are you?

272
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:50,518
It's a guy who puts quarters
down butt cracks, Jeff.

273
00:14:50,852 --> 00:14:53,120
Let's just let it go.

274
00:14:58,793 --> 00:15:00,438
We can do better.

275
00:15:06,033 --> 00:15:08,198
Aah! Change is money!

276
00:15:08,630 --> 00:15:10,364
What are you guys,
millionaires?

277
00:15:10,893 --> 00:15:13,215
T-shirts here! Cracked
but not broken, huh?

278
00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:14,843
Who's in?
T-shirts!

279
00:15:14,869 --> 00:15:17,569
T-shirts here!
20 bucks.

280
00:15:21,229 --> 00:15:22,667
- Professor Duncan?
- Yeah?

281
00:15:22,691 --> 00:15:24,535
- Not going to the dance?
- I'll go later.

282
00:15:24,561 --> 00:15:27,921
Oh, actually, would you mind coming
and getting me when Britta's drunk?

283
00:15:27,942 --> 00:15:30,445
Listen, as Britta's friend,
I should give you this ad...

284
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:35,827
Yes! That is my jam right there.

285
00:15:36,488 --> 00:15:39,188
- Dave Matthews fan?
- Obviously you're not.

286
00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:41,948
Real fans call him Dave.

287
00:15:44,531 --> 00:15:46,944
I've heard this song before.
Hey, Winger, who is this?

288
00:15:46,957 --> 00:15:49,088
What are you talking about?
You don't know who this is?

289
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,925
I remember it from the '90s.

290
00:15:53,758 --> 00:15:56,010
- It's Dave.
- Lee Roth?

291
00:15:56,029 --> 00:15:57,255
You're not
the Ass Crack Bandit.

292
00:15:57,270 --> 00:16:00,643
Shh! Keep it down, huh?
I made a deal with the Dean.

293
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:03,496
He said as long as I confessed, he'd
let me slide on the meth stuff,

294
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,405
and then he'd buy me a space
heater for my stable.

295
00:16:05,428 --> 00:16:07,551
Yeah, but why call the
Dean and pretend that...

296
00:16:07,569 --> 00:16:11,027
I didn't call no Dean. I don't
call nobody don't call me.

297
00:16:12,261 --> 00:16:15,381
I got to go backstage once
and meet the whole band,

298
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,382
everyone... Except Dave.

299
00:16:17,412 --> 00:16:20,565
There's a whole album of
photos online if you go to...

300
00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:22,676
you actually wouldn't
be able to access it.

301
00:16:22,697 --> 00:16:26,633
I use an older, British form of
Facebook called "mug-scroll."

302
00:16:33,508 --> 00:16:35,684
- I guess I should be going.
- No, no, stay.

303
00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:37,497
We're just getting to know
each other.

304
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:39,565
I really shouldn't, I have a...

305
00:16:39,606 --> 00:16:40,673
Oopsie.

306
00:16:41,074 --> 00:16:43,329
Aren't you going
to pick those up?

307
00:16:44,830 --> 00:16:46,089
Yes.

308
00:16:49,903 --> 00:16:54,173
Just... Reach down
with your hand and...

309
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,733
Bye.

310
00:17:07,481 --> 00:17:09,272
This is the Ass Crack Bandit.

311
00:17:09,303 --> 00:17:12,034
I find it funny that you ever
thought you could catch me.

312
00:17:12,066 --> 00:17:13,408
Jeff.

313
00:17:14,139 --> 00:17:15,747
It's Duncan.

314
00:17:24,272 --> 00:17:25,338
Annie?

315
00:17:26,026 --> 00:17:27,487
Jeff?

316
00:17:27,848 --> 00:17:28,915
Very nice.

317
00:17:30,043 --> 00:17:34,674
Oh, bloody hell, my shoe is
untied by British standards.

318
00:17:36,019 --> 00:17:39,406
Here we go. One
bunny, two bunnies.

319
00:17:39,545 --> 00:17:41,312
Oh! Get Britta!

320
00:17:41,537 --> 00:17:44,267
Annie! Did Duncan get cracked?

321
00:17:44,412 --> 00:17:46,771
Where's the bandit?
Do you see him?

322
00:17:47,212 --> 00:17:49,435
- Over there!
- Come on, let's get him!

323
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:53,904
Shirley, what are you doing?

324
00:17:53,927 --> 00:17:55,474
Looking for you.

325
00:17:55,502 --> 00:17:57,495
Did you see someone
come this way?

326
00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:59,488
Jeff, Annie,

327
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,288
Pierce is dead.

328
00:18:08,568 --> 00:18:11,859
Tonight's celebration was cut
short by some tragic news.

329
00:18:11,872 --> 00:18:14,607
Pierce Hawthorne, 14-year
Greendale student,

330
00:18:14,622 --> 00:18:17,173
entrepreneur, and expert
heart attack faker

331
00:18:17,191 --> 00:18:19,693
has passed away,
for real this time.

332
00:18:19,714 --> 00:18:23,027
Pierce had been recently banned from
campus, but not from our hearts.

333
00:18:23,044 --> 00:18:25,151
He's survived by many ex-wives

334
00:18:25,157 --> 00:18:27,932
and all of us here at Greendale
that called him friend.

335
00:18:28,569 --> 00:18:32,194
If you're listening, Pierce, you
were a hell of a d&d player.

336
00:18:32,485 --> 00:18:33,933
It's time to level up.

337
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,057
Up next on the dial
is Dr. Farts.

338
00:18:41,608 --> 00:18:43,746
I can't believe Pierce is gone.

339
00:18:43,765 --> 00:18:45,125
Yeah.

340
00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:47,286
Life is weird.

341
00:18:48,095 --> 00:18:51,038
It's a container
for all this little stuff,

342
00:18:51,432 --> 00:18:53,266
and you get caught up in it.

343
00:18:53,294 --> 00:18:54,841
And then,

344
00:18:55,024 --> 00:18:56,664
the container just...

345
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:58,672
Pbbt.

346
00:18:59,174 --> 00:19:01,412
That hallway led to a dead end.

347
00:19:01,868 --> 00:19:03,631
We might've had him.

348
00:19:05,386 --> 00:19:08,230
I should get home.
Haven't slept.

349
00:19:15,078 --> 00:19:17,492
The case goes cold again.

350
00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:23,545
Don't worry.
I got a feeling he'll be back.

351
00:19:23,584 --> 00:19:25,197
Or her.

352
00:20:42,482 --> 00:20:45,149
You know, climate change
is threatening our world,

353
00:20:45,183 --> 00:20:46,855
but there is a solution:

354
00:20:46,969 --> 00:20:51,189
The cat car, the world's first
animal-powered vehicle.

355
00:20:51,222 --> 00:20:53,856
My original prototype
was hunger-based.

356
00:20:53,887 --> 00:20:56,488
But sometimes,
cats aren't hungry.

357
00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:59,853
My new model will use
a rear-fixed dog system.

358
00:20:59,872 --> 00:21:01,885
But dogs cost money,
your money.

359
00:21:01,914 --> 00:21:04,954
By donating to this project,
you'll be like an investor,

360
00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:07,484
except without taking
all my profits.

361
00:21:07,511 --> 00:21:10,311
Donate $5, and you get
a thank-you email.

362
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:12,209
$50 gets you a t-shirt.

363
00:21:12,221 --> 00:21:14,276
100 gets you a t-shirt and

364
00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:16,144
a thank-you email.

365
00:21:16,176 --> 00:21:17,683
All aboard the cat car,

366
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:21,712
and all aboard helping our
nation's global warming.

367
00:21:21,796 --> 00:21:26,796
Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther