Save Greendale Committee,
please welcome
our newest member,
math teacher Ben Chang.
Okay,
let's get serious.
I've compiled
a short list
of the most immediate
Greendale emergencies.
Is deforestation
on the list?
I, for one, am glad
that this is happening.
What this school needs
is a band of heroes,
champions willing
to rise up
and "get all
those potatoes
out of the gym."
We're like House Vogadash
in the HBO original series
Bloodlines of Conquest.
Oh, yeah!
Bloodlines of Conquest.
That's my show right there.
That is a good show.
They really get
the incest right.
What the hell
is Bloodlines of Conquest?
It's a medieval
fantasy series.
It's based
on these great books
that nobody seems to read.
It's great.
It's got betrayal, boobs,
espionage, dragons.
Oh, wait, dragons?
Is that a spoiler?
I just started Season One.
I don't start watching shows
until they're so popular
that watching them
is no longer a statement.
So because you're
three seasons behind,
we have to live
in a fantasy world
where there's
no such thing as dragons?
Do we also have to pretend
that Lord Stevarios
is still alive?
Oops.
Oh!
Thanks, Abed.
How about I buy all the
Bloodlines of Conquest books,
read ahead, and spoil
the whole series for you?
That's insane.
That's something
an insane person would do.
Knuckleheads, focus.
Item one,
the Greendale student census
is out of date.
Britta, Abed, why don't you
partner up on that one?
Give you a chance
to squash this beef.
Next, the midterm dance
is tonight.
Who wants to be
on the decorating committee?
Mmm.
Fine, I'll do it.
I'll do it.
I will be on
that committee.
Me too.
Are you guys volunteering
because you think
I'll do all the work?
I wouldn't.
No. Not at all.
I don't care enough
to lie, so no.
I will reward that honesty
by giving you something easy.
A bulletin board fell down
in the cafeteria
a couple months ago.
Think you can get it
hung back up?
I'll give it a drive-by.
Great.
We have now completed
our first task,
"Have a productive meeting!"
For every task
that we complete,
a star goes
on the task wall!
Tie me to dream
to run out of steam
it can be here
tied up, dead in a year
I should stay
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Brince Ironstone's daughter
is his mother!
Brince Ironstone's daughter
is his mother!
Hi there.
What can I do for you?
Can you get me a drill,
a couple of screws,
and a bulletin board?
No, I cannot.
Okay, I tried. Bye.
You wanna hang
a bulletin board,
you need to get a work order
from the head janitor.
They get more powerful
than you?
Hello, I'm taking
the school census.
Please fill out this form,
but don't talk to me.
I can't hear.
Are you deaf?
But you read lips?
Barbagarbagarba
garbabarbabarba?
That was gibberish.
You're good.
I wish I knew
sign language.
Are you going to have
another intense burst
of compatibility
with a girl
we never see again?
I can't hear you.
The midterm dance
will need a visual theme,
like "let's blow off steam,"
and it's trains.
I have an idea.
Chang, your last idea
was to murder.
Edison.
The bulletin board's a no-go.
Really?
So you did your best,
and this task just...
Eludes you?
I have a lifetime
of experience
with red tape.
I know when to walk away.
Yeah, you do.
Hey, Edison.
The system is lazy.
I have integrity,
too much to deal
with any of it.
I'll do it myself.
And I would love
to watch you try.
Okay. I am on
bulletin board duty.
You guys are in charge
of the dance.
Oh, Professor Pushpin!
Jerry, Carlo, Crazy Schmidt.
I'm Annie.
You learned our names.
I did.
Crazy Schmidt,
how are C.J.'s
clarinet lessons going?
Whoa.
Well, she's having
a little trouble
with his left finger lifts,
but she's getting there.
Annie, do you want
that bulletin board hung up?
Let me put in
a work order for you.
There you go.
That should happen
in three to six
business months.
Any way we could
bump that up a little,
so it's somewhere above...
"Lower flag
for Reagan's death?"
You gotta talk to
a custodian for that,
we're janitors.
There's a difference?
We were just starting
to like you.
Had enough?
I'm just getting started.
What was
your stumbling block,
being nice?
Look,
I admire your idealism,
but my guess is
that you will be crying uncle
before that board
ever goes up.
Game on, baby.
Come on,
come on, come on.
What? God.
This isn't over!
Here we go.
You wanted to get dirty.
This is where it starts.
Deputy Custodian Lapari,
Annie Edison from
the Save Greendale Committee.
How's your
daughter's soccer...
I'm sorry,
this is a closed function.
We do not discuss business
at custodial mixers.
But your daughter,
soccer.
Daughter, soccer.
Yes, thanks for coming.
Hey, get a load
of that wood burnt sign.
Did Mr. Whitney in Woodshop
make that for you guys?
Yes, that is
a Whitney original.
Oh! You know, I noticed
that Whitney's bathroom
has this amazing toilet.
Flushes like
a DC-10 turbine.
Probably exceeds code,
but what's wrong
with a little friendship
between departments?
Now how can our committee
be your friend?
Bob?
Excuse me.
Chief Custodian Bob Waite,
Buzz Hickey, Annie Edison.
Hickey and Edison,
something in the job queue...
Bulletin board.
Yeah, we were hoping
to get that up...
Let's take a walk.
That's quite a spread, Bob.
I'm impressed.
Well, it's election time.
If I don't break out
the fancy sausages,
my ass goes
in the grinder
next January.
Keeping my people happy,
it's an uphill battle.
For example,
look at this.
A lot of the websites
we try and visit
get blocked
by this weird filter thing.
Now let's say I wanted
to move a work order
for a bulletin board
from the bottom of the queue
to the top.
Now how can I do that
when I'm dealing with this?
They want
their porn unblocked.
Then they'll give you
your board.
That's what that was?
How did you know?
Did you investigate
pornography when
you were a cop?
Eh, something like that.
So he wants a bribe.
Welcome to
the labyrinth, kid.
Only there ain't no puppets or
bisexual rock stars down here.
And at the center of it all,
if you're lucky,
a piece of cork
and a few pins.
So what, is it worth it?
Is that what
a bulletin board is
to you, Professor?
A piece of cork?
That's not what it is
to people that
lose their pets,
people that need rides,
people whose bad bands
need bad bass players.
To them, every pushpin
has the power
to change the future.
So yes, Professor,
it's worth it.
I know a lady
in the I.T. department.
Okay, I'll put some food
on the tables,
we'll lower the lights,
and that's a midterm dance.
I guess it could use
a little something
theme-wise.
I have an idea.
"Bear down for midterms."
What?
"Bear down for midterms."
You can't just repeat it.
You need to
explain yourself.
It's midterm time.
Mmm-hmm.
People have to bear down,
study hard,
get to work.
It's "bear down
for midterms."
Is there a dot
I'm not connecting?
Uh-uh.
It's a play on words.
"Bear down"
is an expression.
I know the expression,
Chang.
"Fly on the wall"
is an expression,
but if I want to pitch
"fly on the wall
for midterms,"
you might ask,
"what do you mean?"
Chang?
Are you crying?
I understand
I've been crazy in the past,
but that doesn't make it
any less frustrating
to be completely dismissed
like this.
I don't know if you guys
even see me as human anymore.
I don't know if
it's like a joke to you.
Are all Asian men
like a joke?
If it's like
a racial thing.
No.
No! No!
I've paid for my crimes.
Underneath all the craziness,
I am still a human, and I...
I do want to make
a difference and...
Can you respect that?
Please?
Chang...
What can we do here?
Bear down for midterms.
Okay.
Okay, well...
We'll...
Put up some bear things?
We'll bear down.
For midterms.
Okay.
You want me to lift
web restrictions
solely for custodial?
They need to
have full access,
so they can research, um...
Custodian stuff.
If the filter
is mistakenly
blocking a site,
they just need to submit
the URL, and I can...
Okay,
what do you want?
Excuse me?
Tell us what
we can do for you
so that you can
do this for us.
Oh. Cool.
I... I didn't know
it could work that way.
I guess I could use
decent parking.
Right now
they make me park
in Annex B.
Like a...
Lunch lady.
Our committee
can talk to Parking.
But, Debra,
let's be clear.
I want everything
to get through
that porn blocker.
What do you mean
everything?
Everything!
Understood.
I'm very happy right now.
So just bears
everywhere?
Yep.
And then we'll have
some cakes, party hats,
birthday stuff!
This is coming together
better than I thought.
I'm sorry,
birthday stuff?
Yes, Duncan.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Birthday stuff.
Well, I've been sad to see
that bulletin board down
in the cafeteria for so long.
I've always had a passion
for bulletins.
If parking
for the IT guy
puts that board back
where it belongs,
I won't stand in the way.
You know what you need,
speaking as a fan
of bulletins...
You need to have the Dean
appoint someone
to oversee them,
to make sure bulletins
stay organized
and protected.
I'll do it.
We could look into that.
Well, not to be that guy,
but, uh...
You think
you could look into that
before I do this for you?
You want to control
all the bulletin boards
in the school. Why?
You might want to start
talking turkey, Waldron,
because the Macy's Parade
is almost over,
and Grandma's
getting drunk.
Do you know
where my department's power
comes from, Miss Edison?
Parking spaces.
Wrong.
There was plenty of space
to park in dinosaur times,
but not one single
parking department.
My power comes
from a scarcity of parking,
just like your dad's comes
from a lack of hugs.
And you know what takes
my power away?
Carpools.
Carpools organized
through ride shares.
Ride shares posted
on bulletin boards,
you son of a...
You can take the books
off your head
because
we're done posturing.
You want me to talk turkey,
well, gobble gobble.
I want ride shares gone.
Let's get out of here.
All right.
What?
I'll talk to the Dean.
I must say,
I don't know what we did,
but we sure
did the hell out of it.
I guess the key
to dance decoration
is just pick an idea.
And then bear down.
Right, buddy?
Here are your sodas.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, pretty great.
Yeah. Bear down, baby.
Too soon, you guys.
This is way too soon.
Too soon for wha...
Too soon for this!
After this morning
in Wisconsin?
Bear breaks loose
at a kid's birthday party,
mauls a whole bunch
of people?
Why am I explaining this
when this is obviously
a ghoulish reference to it?
The news has been
covering it all morning!
That's where
I got the idea.
You know how sometimes
you hear something
and forget you heard it,
but you think
you came up with...
Oh, man.
This is bad.
We're in crisis mode now.
We really messed up,
you guys.
An office
of bulletin board oversight.
Ah, what a novel idea.
I'm gonna fill out
this form right away.
But first, a toast.
To hanging
a bulletin board.
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
Uh, first time toasting?
Get in here, buddy.
Easy peasy,
lemon squeezy.
I'm not saying that.
Ah, well,
I hate to be that guy,
but I'm not
signing this form
until professor Hickey says
"Easy peasy, lemon squeezy."
Damn it, Annie.
Don't do this.
Whatever you've got
in your butt,
can we get it out later?
When, after he signs it?
After it's all too late?
Annie?
You petty old man.
When we started this,
I thought you'd get a taste
of the system and spit it out,
not open a bottling plant.
You're just like
all the people that...
What?
The people that
put you here?
The people
in the big machine
that made you fail?
You went from being a cop
to teaching Criminology
because of the system,
right?
Unfortunately for Greendale,
you have to prove it
by getting nothing done.
Well, here's a bulletin
for you...
"Annie Edison
doesn't get nothing done."
Yow.
And where should I put
that bulletin, Edison,
on a sham piece of cork
controlled by a parking guy
that lights his cigars
on student ride shares?
My God, Annie.
What kind of labyrinth
have you created?
Certainly not
the magic kind
with puppets
and macho rock stars.
You whored
yourself out, kid.
You wanted
that board so bad
that you made every board
on campus worthless,
and in doing so
made the school
just a shade dirtier.
I thought better of you,
young lady.
Oh, man.
This got Sorkin-y.
Yeah, well,
I didn't think anything
in particular of you,
and now I see why!
Okay, I didn't follow
most of that,
but it feels like
I ought to do this.
Hmm?
Oh, hey, Annie.
Um...
What do you think?
"Fat dog for midterms"?
Yeah!
Pretty cool.
I don't understand.
It's an expression.
"Fat dog for midterm."
Like, don't sweat it,
fat dog it.
Hang out, relax,
like a fat dog. Bah!
You can look it up
on Wikipedia.
There's an entry
in there.
Yep.
I never... Okay.
I just...
I feel like I'm missing...
You know, Annie, um...
Sometimes it feels like
you don't take us seriously.
Aw.
Yeah, I guess
we bring it on ourselves,
but it's still
pretty frustrating.
Annie,
is this a race thing?
Race!
No! God, no!
You guys! I accept
that it's an expression,
but I don't see
the connection to...
You're overthinking,
Annie. It's decorating.
Just pick an idea
and bear down on it.
Um, really poor choice
of words, Ben... Too soon.
But you guys are right.
I'm sorry.
I've had a really hard day.
I need to just...
Fat dog this concept.
Fat dog!
Fat dog it, baby!
not a fighter
squeaky clean
no tighter
closer to me
Thank you.
I'm sorry, Abed,
but to the spoiler
goes the victory.
But I really liked her.
She probably likes you too,
but she also likes cash.
I'm devastated.
Now I feel bad. But...
You learned a lesson,
and I gave a differently
abled person a job.
Oh, no,
now I really feel bad.
Wait, no. Come back!
Let's be fat dogs
about this.
Hello.
What happened to you?
Nothing.
You never called.
I'm sorry.
That was the year
of the gas leak,
but I won't use that
as an excuse.
I can be inconsiderate
and a lot of other things.
Me too.
I guess I could've
put in some effort.
Would you like to go
to lunch sometime?
No, I'd like to go
to dinner. Now.
I can do that.
I started this coat check
without permission anyway.
of knowing
where they're blowing
Whew.
Excuse me, excuse me,
excuse me, excuse me.
Excuse me!
All right, all right!
Enough!
Let's go.
Thanks.
Let's do it again!
and it will amaze
your entire life
it's not made up
based on an old phrase
and it will amaze
It's a bear dance!
You've reached Greendale
faculty office supply.
For pencils, pens,
and markers, press one.
For tape, glue,
and adhesives, press two.
For staples, paper clips,
and fasteners, press three.
Mmm.
For marigold, press four.
Marigold.
For Obsidian, press one.
For Aqua Cerulean,
press two.
For Arcadia, press three.
Enter activation code.
Confirmed.
Arcadia initiated.
What's your
clearance level?
Top.
You really want
to activate this, sir?
Yeah. Oh! No. No!
Can you...
Cancel it.
Wait, who are you?
Who... Who is this?
It's not... I'm...
Right in front of you,
stupid. Ah.
Did you get any of that?