1 00:00:01,114 --> 00:00:03,878 Something for the committee to put on the radar: Insurance. 2 00:00:04,033 --> 00:00:06,039 - What about it? - School needs some. 3 00:00:06,202 --> 00:00:07,756 - I can ask on the street. - What? 4 00:00:07,912 --> 00:00:10,593 Oh, too cool for street insurance? Must be nice. 5 00:00:10,748 --> 00:00:13,881 My sister wants to know what I'm bringing to my grandson's birthday. 6 00:00:14,043 --> 00:00:16,973 I'm sensing an emergency collage situation. 7 00:00:17,130 --> 00:00:19,633 I wasn't invited. My son had a kid three years ago. 8 00:00:19,799 --> 00:00:22,303 I barely get to see him on major holidays. 9 00:00:22,469 --> 00:00:25,149 I mean, who in the hell does he think he is? 10 00:00:25,305 --> 00:00:28,899 - You saw your son at his wedding. - No, that's Furio, my gay son. Him, I get. 11 00:00:29,058 --> 00:00:31,395 Hank's a knob, doesn't have any hobbies, interests. 12 00:00:31,561 --> 00:00:35,571 All he does is play... What do you call that crap with dungeons and dragons? 13 00:00:35,732 --> 00:00:37,819 - "Dungeons and Dragons"? - That's the crap. 14 00:00:37,984 --> 00:00:40,321 - I know that game. - We play "Dungeons and Dragons." 15 00:00:40,487 --> 00:00:45,161 Guys, let's play "D&D" to help Hickey reconnect with his son. 16 00:00:45,658 --> 00:00:49,122 Was everyone's takeaway last time that we use "D&D" to reprogram brains? 17 00:00:49,287 --> 00:00:50,794 Not that we almost caused a suicide? 18 00:00:50,955 --> 00:00:55,178 We prevented one. Fa... bulous Neil felt like a nobody. 19 00:00:55,335 --> 00:00:59,297 And thanks to us, he's still out there, doing this and that in the background. 20 00:00:59,464 --> 00:01:00,887 Satisfying sequel's difficult. 21 00:01:01,049 --> 00:01:03,350 Many geniuses defeated themselves through hubris. 22 00:01:03,510 --> 00:01:05,764 Making this a chance to prove I'm better. I'm in! 23 00:01:05,929 --> 00:01:08,515 All in favour of a game of "Dungeons and Dragons"... 24 00:01:08,681 --> 00:01:11,102 to reunite Hickey and his son tomorrow night? 25 00:01:11,267 --> 00:01:12,655 Aye! 26 00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:18,030 Well, okay. It's short notice, but I think it'll be good for me. 27 00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:26,054 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 28 00:01:29,869 --> 00:01:30,996 So, Dad... 29 00:01:31,162 --> 00:01:32,550 I'm just curious. 30 00:01:32,705 --> 00:01:34,627 What is it about "Dungeons and Dragons"... 31 00:01:34,791 --> 00:01:37,508 that suddenly leapt out at you at age 60? 32 00:01:39,045 --> 00:01:41,133 Dungeons. It'd be the dungeons. 33 00:01:41,297 --> 00:01:42,341 Let's begin. 34 00:01:42,507 --> 00:01:46,054 A blood orange sunrise crests the peaks of Rage Mountain... 35 00:01:46,219 --> 00:01:48,390 as you arrive at the troubled Galindor. 36 00:01:48,555 --> 00:01:50,394 Ahead to the north, a bridged ravine. 37 00:01:50,557 --> 00:01:53,653 Beyond that, a mysterious black tower where, rumour has it... 38 00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:56,111 an evil necromancer dwells. 39 00:01:56,271 --> 00:01:58,988 Your goal: Reach the top and destroy the necromancer... 40 00:01:59,149 --> 00:02:02,032 freeing the realm from his evil magic. 41 00:02:02,193 --> 00:02:04,744 Oh, that's just what I love about role-playing games... 42 00:02:04,904 --> 00:02:07,585 is being told exactly what to do. 43 00:02:07,740 --> 00:02:09,746 - Me too. - You should introduce yourselves. 44 00:02:09,909 --> 00:02:11,083 I am... 45 00:02:11,244 --> 00:02:14,672 Oh, boy. Joseph Gordon Diehard. Really? 46 00:02:14,831 --> 00:02:16,385 Son of Sir Riggs Diehard. 47 00:02:16,541 --> 00:02:20,421 Well, I'm Sir Riggs Diehard, so I guess I'm your dad in the game too. 48 00:02:20,587 --> 00:02:23,221 - Oh, my God, so cool. - Isn't that weird? 49 00:02:23,381 --> 00:02:25,433 Oh, boy. Guys, I don't suppose... 50 00:02:25,592 --> 00:02:28,272 this is some contrived paint-by-numbers adventure... 51 00:02:28,428 --> 00:02:30,729 that's designed to force an emotional bond... 52 00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:34,317 between me and my emotionally stunted father, is it? 53 00:02:34,476 --> 00:02:37,524 - No way, Jose. - What? 54 00:02:37,687 --> 00:02:41,199 I got an idea. Why don't we just sort of reshuffle all these... 55 00:02:41,357 --> 00:02:43,778 redistribute them. Yeah, just mix them up a bit. 56 00:02:43,943 --> 00:02:45,284 I don't think... 57 00:02:45,445 --> 00:02:46,738 And here we go. 58 00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:50,416 Hello, everyone. I am Tristram Steelheart. 59 00:02:50,575 --> 00:02:53,375 I'm a holy cleric with a mace and a dumb name. 60 00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:59,717 I'm Tiny Nuggins, a thief, and the rest is gibberish. 61 00:02:59,876 --> 00:03:03,257 Greetings, I am Fibrosis the Ranger. 62 00:03:03,421 --> 00:03:06,304 I'm Crouton, the half-orc Druid. Druid? 63 00:03:06,466 --> 00:03:07,723 Oh, Crouton. 64 00:03:07,884 --> 00:03:09,806 Hector the Well-Endowed? Again? 65 00:03:09,969 --> 00:03:13,730 You think that's a weird coincidence? I'm a troll named Dingleberry. 66 00:03:13,890 --> 00:03:15,776 That's my mom's nickname for me. 67 00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:17,855 I'm who Hickey was, Sir Riggs Diehard. 68 00:03:18,019 --> 00:03:23,785 I am Joseph Gordon, son of Riggs. 69 00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:25,906 "I protect the blade of Diehard... 70 00:03:26,069 --> 00:03:29,034 a family sword whose power knows no equal. 71 00:03:29,197 --> 00:03:33,420 In our clan, the leader carries the hilt, his eldest heir, the blade... 72 00:03:33,576 --> 00:03:36,709 for we believe man's greatest weapon against evil... 73 00:03:36,871 --> 00:03:38,627 is the bond... 74 00:03:39,457 --> 00:03:42,008 Is the bond between father and son." 75 00:03:44,462 --> 00:03:46,016 What would you guys like to do? 76 00:03:46,172 --> 00:03:49,803 We should cross the bridge and head for the black tower. Huzzah? 77 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,474 - Huzzah? - Huzzah. 78 00:03:51,636 --> 00:03:54,021 I don't know if I'm gonna head across the bridge. 79 00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,861 What else is out there? What's south or east or west? 80 00:03:57,350 --> 00:03:58,524 How about it, Aziz? 81 00:03:58,685 --> 00:04:01,366 I walk too far south, do I fall off your graph paper there? 82 00:04:01,521 --> 00:04:02,613 You can head south. 83 00:04:02,772 --> 00:04:05,536 I've generated some details about the surrounding area. 84 00:04:05,692 --> 00:04:09,239 You know, for God's sakes, Hank, it's been five seconds. 85 00:04:09,404 --> 00:04:11,788 - Can you not do this? - Hey, you tell me. 86 00:04:11,948 --> 00:04:13,371 Are we losing? 87 00:04:13,533 --> 00:04:17,045 No. It's not a competition. The only winner is fun. 88 00:04:17,203 --> 00:04:19,125 We're having fun. 89 00:04:19,289 --> 00:04:22,836 I go to Tristram, and I'm laughing... 90 00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:27,224 and I pick him up, and I carry him to the bridge. It's fun. 91 00:04:27,380 --> 00:04:28,887 Hector is trying to lift you. 92 00:04:29,048 --> 00:04:31,385 I cast "Torvin's Flesh of Fire." 93 00:04:34,053 --> 00:04:35,975 Tristram murmurs an incantation. 94 00:04:36,139 --> 00:04:40,860 His body becomes wreathed in white hot flame, burning Hector for... 95 00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:42,062 Six damage. 96 00:04:42,228 --> 00:04:44,732 - Hey! - Hector, that's called self-defence. 97 00:04:44,898 --> 00:04:47,532 Tristram's spell has caught the bridge on fire. 98 00:04:47,692 --> 00:04:49,863 The ropes snap causing the bridge to twist. 99 00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:52,578 I'm rolling dexterity checks to see if you all hold on. 100 00:04:52,739 --> 00:04:55,159 Abed, considering the bigger picture... 101 00:04:55,325 --> 00:04:59,880 you think it might be possible you miscalculated the bridge strength? 102 00:05:00,038 --> 00:05:02,506 Would've been constructed in the third age by goblins. 103 00:05:02,665 --> 00:05:04,338 They used primitive iron anchors. 104 00:05:04,501 --> 00:05:07,882 Ropes are yanked on both sides and you all plummet into the ravine below. 105 00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,387 - Abed! - Oh, no. 106 00:05:09,547 --> 00:05:11,350 - What? - Abed! 107 00:05:11,508 --> 00:05:14,272 You plunge into the icy, raging waters of Skull River. 108 00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:16,773 - What? - You know, what's your problem? 109 00:05:16,930 --> 00:05:18,353 - What? - You didn't invite me... 110 00:05:18,515 --> 00:05:20,436 - ... to Sebastian's birthday. - I knew it! 111 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,071 Who hoards a man's grandson? 112 00:05:22,227 --> 00:05:24,314 He's not your grandson. He's my son. 113 00:05:24,479 --> 00:05:28,619 And I didn't invite you to the birthday party because I wanted to enjoy it. 114 00:05:30,318 --> 00:05:34,578 You know, fathers and sons, there is a lot of power between them. 115 00:05:34,739 --> 00:05:36,412 - Yes. - Stop it. 116 00:05:36,574 --> 00:05:40,454 And I spent a long time letting that power... 117 00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:43,633 push me away from my dad, and I regret it. 118 00:05:43,790 --> 00:05:45,427 So, what's ever between you guys... 119 00:05:45,583 --> 00:05:47,719 will only get fixed when you're together. 120 00:05:47,877 --> 00:05:49,135 They're not together. 121 00:05:49,295 --> 00:05:51,466 - Not helping! - Be a bad Dungeon Master if I was. 122 00:05:51,631 --> 00:05:54,929 Jeff, Hickey, Annie, Shirley, washed down the left fork of the river... 123 00:05:55,093 --> 00:05:56,303 others to the right. 124 00:05:56,970 --> 00:05:58,311 Father! 125 00:05:58,471 --> 00:06:01,319 If you're gonna continue, Hank, Britta, Chang, Dean Pelton... 126 00:06:01,474 --> 00:06:04,191 - ... go into a different room. - We're not going to continue. 127 00:06:04,352 --> 00:06:06,820 Thank you very much, guys. This was just awesome. 128 00:06:06,980 --> 00:06:09,483 Yeah, wait, wait. I'll play your dragon game with you. 129 00:06:09,649 --> 00:06:13,991 But let's make it interesting. If I kill the necrophile before you do... 130 00:06:14,154 --> 00:06:17,452 I come to my grandson's birthday. We'll settle it like men. 131 00:06:17,615 --> 00:06:19,917 Or whatever you call the guys that play this. 132 00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:21,918 Okay. 133 00:06:22,078 --> 00:06:27,844 But if I kill the necromancer before you do... 134 00:06:28,001 --> 00:06:31,263 then you don't go to Christmas or Thanksgiving at Aunt Rachel's. 135 00:06:31,421 --> 00:06:33,011 You don't even go to that. 136 00:06:33,173 --> 00:06:34,845 Yeah, but I will if you don't. 137 00:06:36,092 --> 00:06:38,180 - Okay, fine. - Okay. 138 00:06:38,344 --> 00:06:39,685 Let the real game begin. 139 00:06:48,646 --> 00:06:51,861 I will find you! 140 00:06:55,445 --> 00:06:58,031 Well, I'm assuming you guys can help me beat him... 141 00:06:58,198 --> 00:07:01,211 because if we lose, I'm gonna punch each of you in the heart. 142 00:07:06,122 --> 00:07:09,551 You awaken on a riverbank, surrounded by treacherous, godforsaken... 143 00:07:09,709 --> 00:07:11,180 non-zip line vacation jungle. 144 00:07:11,336 --> 00:07:14,301 I build a fire and construct a crude wooden rack... 145 00:07:14,464 --> 00:07:16,516 to dry my boots and oversized codpiece. 146 00:07:16,674 --> 00:07:20,897 And I can make some s'mores out of horse meat and s'more horse meat. 147 00:07:21,054 --> 00:07:23,225 Build a fire? Horse s'mores? Screw this. 148 00:07:23,389 --> 00:07:26,818 - The river runs east. I head west. - Tiny Nuggins scampers into the jungle. 149 00:07:26,976 --> 00:07:31,698 Hey, I didn't scamper in the jungles of Nicaragua and I won't do it now. 150 00:07:31,856 --> 00:07:33,778 - Wait, come back. I follow him. - Me too. 151 00:07:33,942 --> 00:07:36,659 Tiny Nuggins, if we rest, we'll regain our strength. 152 00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:37,994 And lose my family. 153 00:07:38,154 --> 00:07:41,168 I'll imaginary sleep when I'm imaginary dead. 154 00:07:41,324 --> 00:07:43,828 In the distance, you notice a patrol of hobgoblins. 155 00:07:44,244 --> 00:07:46,747 - Hobgoblins? - Larger, stronger, and worth more... 156 00:07:46,913 --> 00:07:49,381 - ... in Scrabble than regular goblins. - Get down. 157 00:07:49,541 --> 00:07:52,388 I punch him in the heart and I keep running. 158 00:07:52,544 --> 00:07:55,012 There are no women with them, are there? I got class. 159 00:07:55,171 --> 00:07:57,141 You charge, alerting them to your presence. 160 00:07:57,298 --> 00:07:59,185 You attack the nearest one in the chest. 161 00:07:59,342 --> 00:08:00,932 - You miss and fall down. - What? 162 00:08:01,094 --> 00:08:03,395 Hobgoblins are heading toward Nuggins with spears. 163 00:08:03,555 --> 00:08:06,438 Oh, no. I cast "Entangle" on them. 164 00:08:06,599 --> 00:08:08,320 Crouton the Druid waves her arms... 165 00:08:08,476 --> 00:08:12,736 causing grass, vines and branches to entangle the limbs of... 166 00:08:13,606 --> 00:08:14,780 Four hobgoblins. 167 00:08:16,025 --> 00:08:18,280 The two free hobgoblins fire arrows at Crouton. 168 00:08:18,444 --> 00:08:19,951 One pierces her shoulder. 169 00:08:20,113 --> 00:08:21,536 The other her chest. 170 00:08:21,698 --> 00:08:23,370 I fire an arrow at them. 171 00:08:24,159 --> 00:08:25,582 Hit. 172 00:08:26,703 --> 00:08:29,467 Hobgoblins don't like their odds. They bolt into the jungle. 173 00:08:29,622 --> 00:08:30,915 Yeah, you better run. 174 00:08:31,082 --> 00:08:35,554 Go find a name that's not just another creature's name plus "hob." 175 00:08:37,964 --> 00:08:40,301 - Crouton? - I'm here. 176 00:08:40,884 --> 00:08:43,564 She was badly wounded from her fall in the Skull River... 177 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,437 and the arrows were just too much. I'm sorry. 178 00:08:47,682 --> 00:08:49,105 That's it? Is she dead? 179 00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:50,821 Yes, that's it, Hickey. 180 00:08:50,977 --> 00:08:52,104 I'm dead. 181 00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:53,658 But it's okay. 182 00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:55,201 I'm on your side. 183 00:08:55,356 --> 00:08:57,243 Which is why I'm dead. 184 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:58,611 And I may be gone... 185 00:08:58,776 --> 00:09:02,123 but just remember whenever the wind whispers through the woods... 186 00:09:02,530 --> 00:09:04,666 you got me killed. 187 00:09:09,996 --> 00:09:11,669 Now, you listen to me, young man. 188 00:09:11,831 --> 00:09:14,335 I've punched about a thousand hearts in my life. 189 00:09:14,501 --> 00:09:18,297 - I never, never missed. - You ever been a 3-foot tall half ling... 190 00:09:18,463 --> 00:09:22,140 running through 2-foot high vines trying to punch a 7-foot monster? 191 00:09:22,675 --> 00:09:24,977 I'm gonna check the others. Check your character. 192 00:09:25,136 --> 00:09:28,185 Or just kind of generally take this game seriously. Your son does. 193 00:09:29,849 --> 00:09:34,440 I take a moment of silence to mourn my fallen comrade, Crouton... 194 00:09:34,604 --> 00:09:37,701 before rifling through her belongings. 195 00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:43,160 - My father? - No way to know where the others are. 196 00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:45,907 You're still travelling north along narrow cliff edges... 197 00:09:46,074 --> 00:09:48,458 of Hawthorne Mountains. I'll roll for encounters. 198 00:09:48,618 --> 00:09:51,168 I'd like to cast a healing spell on Fibrosis. 199 00:09:52,038 --> 00:09:53,212 Thank you. 200 00:09:53,373 --> 00:09:56,386 But I'm not gonna help you kick your dad out of your life. 201 00:09:56,543 --> 00:09:58,548 I don't think this competition is healthy. 202 00:09:58,711 --> 00:10:00,966 I don't think what you did back there was cool. 203 00:10:01,131 --> 00:10:04,892 You think I'm the bad guy because I didn't invite him to my son's birthday. 204 00:10:05,051 --> 00:10:06,558 But you know where he was... 205 00:10:06,719 --> 00:10:08,559 for most of my birthdays? 206 00:10:08,721 --> 00:10:11,687 Little place that rhymes with "not there." 207 00:10:11,850 --> 00:10:13,689 Times Square? 208 00:10:14,853 --> 00:10:16,443 You hear an ominous screeching. 209 00:10:16,604 --> 00:10:21,528 Moving upward into view, three huge, white arachnids with eagle wings. 210 00:10:21,693 --> 00:10:22,867 Sky Spiders. 211 00:10:24,070 --> 00:10:28,412 I draw my sword, and I cry out, "Back, eight-legged demons! 212 00:10:28,575 --> 00:10:32,751 I will not scoop you up with a catalogue and let you outside on this day!" 213 00:10:32,912 --> 00:10:35,249 Stay your blade, Joseph Gordon. 214 00:10:35,415 --> 00:10:38,512 Sky Spiders are as frightened of us as we are of them. 215 00:10:38,668 --> 00:10:40,424 Plus, they eat all the sky mosquitoes. 216 00:10:40,587 --> 00:10:43,933 I cast "Speak with Monsters," and I say: 217 00:10:44,799 --> 00:10:47,848 "Hello. You're looking well." 218 00:10:49,137 --> 00:10:52,352 The lead spider bends four knees and twitches its hairy ovipositor... 219 00:10:52,515 --> 00:10:55,612 rhythmically secreting and retracting a giant droplet... 220 00:10:55,768 --> 00:10:57,275 Or drop... of silk. 221 00:10:57,645 --> 00:10:58,938 Fibrosis, as a ranger... 222 00:10:59,105 --> 00:11:01,786 you recognise this as the arachnid signal of submission. 223 00:11:02,609 --> 00:11:03,700 Nice work, Tristram. 224 00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:07,241 Damn, you made that Sky Spider your bitch, yo! 225 00:11:10,366 --> 00:11:12,372 You've tracked the hobgoblins to this shack. 226 00:11:12,535 --> 00:11:14,790 One guard hob-guards. What they call guarding. 227 00:11:14,954 --> 00:11:16,544 - Go. - Sniper arrow on the guard. 228 00:11:16,706 --> 00:11:17,964 Strikes true. Guard drops. 229 00:11:18,124 --> 00:11:21,090 - I move to the doorway, detect traps. - None detected. 230 00:11:21,252 --> 00:11:22,463 - I enter. - Left flank. 231 00:11:22,629 --> 00:11:23,970 - Right! - One, facing east. 232 00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:25,471 - Backstab. - Double damage. 233 00:11:25,632 --> 00:11:28,135 He's dead. Footsteps behind the door to the north. 234 00:11:28,301 --> 00:11:29,559 I notch two arrows. 235 00:11:29,719 --> 00:11:32,934 - Climb the walls, get above the door. - Goblins enter from the north. 236 00:11:33,097 --> 00:11:34,390 - I fire. - Both arrows hit. 237 00:11:34,557 --> 00:11:36,479 - Cleave! - You kill one and wound another. 238 00:11:36,643 --> 00:11:38,446 I drop on the last one and grapple. 239 00:11:38,603 --> 00:11:40,857 - You got a hold of him. - This one is for Crouton. 240 00:11:41,022 --> 00:11:42,576 With his dying breath, he utters: 241 00:11:42,732 --> 00:11:46,742 "The dark lord will kill you all." 242 00:11:46,903 --> 00:11:48,540 Wait, these things can talk? 243 00:11:48,696 --> 00:11:50,203 I want two taken alive. 244 00:11:50,365 --> 00:11:51,575 I wanna try something. 245 00:11:51,741 --> 00:11:53,082 Hi. 246 00:11:53,993 --> 00:11:55,465 I'm Tiny Nuggins. 247 00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:59,630 I'm gonna put my dagger down right here, so we can just talk. 248 00:11:59,791 --> 00:12:00,918 Human trash. 249 00:12:01,084 --> 00:12:03,587 Yeah, look, I'm gonna give it to you straight. 250 00:12:03,753 --> 00:12:05,224 We're looking for a necromancer. 251 00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:07,301 We don't need two goblins to find him. 252 00:12:07,465 --> 00:12:11,522 So between you and your friend, who do you think's the most useful? 253 00:12:12,512 --> 00:12:14,517 Man, your friend sure can talk. 254 00:12:14,681 --> 00:12:16,353 Liar. He'll never turn. 255 00:12:16,516 --> 00:12:18,901 Oh, yeah, because of that famous goblin loyalty. 256 00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:22,406 I could never drive a wedge between you and some guy from work. 257 00:12:22,564 --> 00:12:25,945 I was best man at that guy's wedding. 258 00:12:26,359 --> 00:12:28,364 Your friend says you just got married. 259 00:12:28,528 --> 00:12:30,699 Congratulations. Too bad about the food. 260 00:12:30,864 --> 00:12:33,450 I hope your flesh rots in... Wait. 261 00:12:33,616 --> 00:12:34,790 What about the food? 262 00:12:34,951 --> 00:12:37,252 Oh, I guess he didn't like your wedding toast. 263 00:12:37,412 --> 00:12:38,800 Golbak said that? 264 00:12:38,955 --> 00:12:41,340 Klang doesn't approve of you and Lisa, Golbak... 265 00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:45,675 and I don't get the sense it's because of his feelings for you. 266 00:12:45,837 --> 00:12:49,764 I think about Lisa, sitting in that hole in Darktooth Canyon... 267 00:12:49,924 --> 00:12:54,396 with that little Frimrok and Grignog rolling about on the wolf pelts. 268 00:12:54,554 --> 00:12:57,519 Come on, between you and me, which one do you think is yours? 269 00:12:57,682 --> 00:12:59,853 No! 270 00:13:02,812 --> 00:13:05,232 I know where the tower is. 271 00:13:24,584 --> 00:13:27,681 Sky Spiders have flown you as far as their complex religion allows. 272 00:13:27,837 --> 00:13:30,685 They set you down and express, through intricate prancing... 273 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,095 - ... directions to the tower. - Yes. 274 00:13:35,136 --> 00:13:36,939 Father, forgive me. 275 00:13:37,096 --> 00:13:39,315 I have travelled so far from you. 276 00:13:39,474 --> 00:13:42,772 How many game days since the Skull River ripped us apart? 277 00:13:42,936 --> 00:13:45,783 How many real hours since I've gone pee? 278 00:13:45,939 --> 00:13:47,280 We seek this necromancer. 279 00:13:48,650 --> 00:13:50,038 Why? Why? 280 00:13:50,193 --> 00:13:53,657 Our reasons are dreams, our dreams, dust. 281 00:13:53,947 --> 00:13:57,494 I send word on wings of sparrows... 282 00:13:58,243 --> 00:14:00,960 in hopes they might find you. 283 00:14:01,287 --> 00:14:04,799 Abed says the odds are near impossible. 284 00:14:05,083 --> 00:14:07,302 That's enough for me. 285 00:14:09,504 --> 00:14:13,135 Should you receive this message, I know of a way to reunite. 286 00:14:13,299 --> 00:14:14,936 According to my character sheet... 287 00:14:15,093 --> 00:14:18,474 if I rub the blade of our magic family sword while you rub the hilt... 288 00:14:18,638 --> 00:14:22,399 twin beacons of light will reveal our locations to each other. 289 00:14:22,559 --> 00:14:25,738 Each night, I will think of you and rub... 290 00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:30,742 praying for the night fate will find us rubbing together. 291 00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:35,906 Your son, Joseph Gordon Diehard. 292 00:14:42,662 --> 00:14:44,169 Something strange has happened. 293 00:14:44,539 --> 00:14:46,924 A sparrow lands on Riggs Diehard's shoulder. 294 00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:48,461 It carries a note. 295 00:14:57,218 --> 00:15:00,730 "Abed, I rub my sword's hilt"? 296 00:15:00,889 --> 00:15:02,976 Beam of light shoots up from your location... 297 00:15:03,141 --> 00:15:05,027 as the hilt of Diehard seeks its blade. 298 00:15:05,185 --> 00:15:08,732 The beam arcs and meets an equal beam in the woods to the north. 299 00:15:08,897 --> 00:15:10,284 Is that where the others are? 300 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,611 Yes, 10 miles away, same as you. 301 00:15:12,775 --> 00:15:14,697 So we'll be arriving at the tower... 302 00:15:14,861 --> 00:15:16,533 At the same time tomorrow morning. 303 00:15:16,696 --> 00:15:18,369 This began as a race. 304 00:15:18,531 --> 00:15:20,999 But it may end in war. 305 00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:22,791 Does anybody have a toothpick? 306 00:15:22,952 --> 00:15:25,337 I got a piece of popcorn stuck in my tooth. 307 00:15:25,497 --> 00:15:28,545 Like, right under the gum. I've been trying like for 15 minutes... 308 00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:32,054 with, you know, my tooth and then with my tongue and my finger. 309 00:15:32,212 --> 00:15:34,798 I'm always one tooth off, and I just can't seem to... 310 00:15:34,964 --> 00:15:37,266 Oh, hello, there we go. Anyway... 311 00:15:37,425 --> 00:15:40,189 But it may end in war. 312 00:15:49,479 --> 00:15:51,484 Maybe after all we've been through... 313 00:15:51,648 --> 00:15:53,867 we should just call this thing off. 314 00:15:54,025 --> 00:15:55,911 What, you think that's up to us? 315 00:15:56,069 --> 00:15:59,581 You've seen the way he talks to me, doesn't want his father in his life. 316 00:15:59,739 --> 00:16:02,587 He'll do anything to win, and that includes attacking you. 317 00:16:02,742 --> 00:16:05,506 And you best believe that your little friends in there... 318 00:16:05,662 --> 00:16:07,252 are drinking up his Kool-Aid. 319 00:16:07,413 --> 00:16:10,676 This is a man who thinks of grandchildren like trophies. 320 00:16:13,086 --> 00:16:15,387 Which is why he'll play to win. 321 00:16:15,797 --> 00:16:17,434 And why I can't let him. 322 00:16:22,011 --> 00:16:25,855 Rise, brave, sweet Dingleberry. 323 00:16:26,015 --> 00:16:27,569 Rise. 324 00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:30,276 Both parties have arrived at the black tower. 325 00:16:32,397 --> 00:16:33,441 Hi, guys. 326 00:16:33,606 --> 00:16:35,694 - Father. - Joseph Gordon. 327 00:16:37,777 --> 00:16:41,159 We are here so Tristram Steelheart, Lord of the Sky Spiders... 328 00:16:41,322 --> 00:16:44,585 can slay the necromancer. You cool or are we gonna have to get red? 329 00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:47,957 Tiny Nuggins, Waterboarder of Goblins, will do the slaying... 330 00:16:48,121 --> 00:16:51,419 because every man has the right to hang out with his grandson. 331 00:16:51,583 --> 00:16:52,876 Too bad you're outnumbered. 332 00:16:53,042 --> 00:16:54,549 No, they're not. 333 00:16:54,919 --> 00:16:56,759 I'm not part of this. 334 00:16:56,921 --> 00:16:58,677 I am Joseph Gordon Diehard... 335 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,889 and I am only here to hug my father, which I now do. 336 00:17:02,051 --> 00:17:03,143 It's a trick! 337 00:17:03,303 --> 00:17:05,723 - I'm not letting him hug me. - I hug my father! 338 00:17:05,889 --> 00:17:08,653 - He has gunpowder in his pants. - I draw my sword. Stay back! 339 00:17:08,808 --> 00:17:10,315 - I draw an arrow. - So do I! 340 00:17:10,477 --> 00:17:11,983 Troll sound! 341 00:17:12,145 --> 00:17:13,319 - Lower your sword? - No! 342 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,983 - Dean, are you...? - I hug my father! 343 00:17:16,149 --> 00:17:17,739 You're impaled. 344 00:17:31,915 --> 00:17:33,302 Worth it. 345 00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:34,846 Good Lord. 346 00:17:35,001 --> 00:17:36,259 Son slayer! 347 00:17:36,419 --> 00:17:38,009 - I attack Jeff! - Arrow at Chang! 348 00:17:38,171 --> 00:17:40,342 - Arrow at Annie! - I head for the door. 349 00:17:40,507 --> 00:17:42,144 So do I! 350 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,020 - Taste the blade of Diehard! - I run! 351 00:17:44,177 --> 00:17:45,933 - Turn a snake into a rope! - Two arrows! 352 00:17:46,095 --> 00:17:47,982 - Spear, spear! - I take the kid, pop him. 353 00:17:48,139 --> 00:17:51,318 - Three damage. - Lightning bolt, lightning bolt! 354 00:17:51,476 --> 00:17:53,695 Heal our moderate wounds! 355 00:17:53,853 --> 00:17:57,780 - I spray all over them. - I hold Britta's face in a puddle. 356 00:17:57,941 --> 00:17:59,862 - Seven damage. - Cleave, cleave, cleave! 357 00:18:00,235 --> 00:18:04,115 - I fire two arrows. - I drink from the Chalice of Knowing. 358 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,329 Dingleberry smash! 359 00:18:07,492 --> 00:18:11,882 - Plus three, demonic eye look. - Pull and shove it up them! 360 00:18:12,038 --> 00:18:14,174 After that, I put one right behind the ear. 361 00:18:14,332 --> 00:18:16,218 I fire two... 362 00:18:17,210 --> 00:18:18,882 Sir Riggs, hand in character sheet. 363 00:18:28,972 --> 00:18:30,893 - Top floor, one door. - I open it. 364 00:18:31,057 --> 00:18:32,694 - "Flame Strike." - You did already. 365 00:18:32,851 --> 00:18:34,025 - Mace! - Okay. Missed. 366 00:18:34,185 --> 00:18:36,819 - Hit him with a throwing dagger. - Used all your knives. 367 00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:39,199 What? Will one of you guys take care...? 368 00:18:39,357 --> 00:18:41,825 - What? You're all dead? I keep going. - I follow. 369 00:18:41,985 --> 00:18:43,906 You've reached the necromancer's workshop. 370 00:18:44,070 --> 00:18:46,918 You see his bed, bottles of goop, some necromancing crap... 371 00:18:47,073 --> 00:18:48,414 but no necromancer. 372 00:18:48,575 --> 00:18:51,374 I search. Can I search or are you gonna stab me in the back? 373 00:18:51,536 --> 00:18:54,039 Hey, I am a thief, not a wuss. I search too. 374 00:18:55,206 --> 00:18:57,425 You find a secret door. It's easy, already open. 375 00:18:57,584 --> 00:19:00,846 It leads to a ladder which goes straight down to another open door... 376 00:19:01,004 --> 00:19:03,768 - ... on the back of the tower. - Man. Way to go. 377 00:19:03,923 --> 00:19:05,513 That's great. He just got away. 378 00:19:05,675 --> 00:19:08,356 Hey, you can't just say he's gone. You owe us an ending. 379 00:19:09,637 --> 00:19:11,144 I owe you nothing. 380 00:19:11,306 --> 00:19:12,812 I am a Dungeon Master. 381 00:19:12,974 --> 00:19:15,691 I create a boundless world, and I bind it by rules. 382 00:19:15,852 --> 00:19:17,857 Too heavy for a bridge? It breaks. 383 00:19:18,021 --> 00:19:21,118 Get hit? Take damage. Spend an hour outside someone's front door... 384 00:19:21,274 --> 00:19:24,537 fighting over who gets to kill him? He leaves through the back. 385 00:19:24,694 --> 00:19:27,791 He's out there. You might find him, if you get your crap together. 386 00:19:27,947 --> 00:19:30,284 Hey, guys. Take it from a bunch of ghosts. 387 00:19:30,450 --> 00:19:32,003 This is no kind of life. 388 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,414 You need fresh air and frozen yogurt. 389 00:19:34,579 --> 00:19:36,798 It's on me. Hug it out. 390 00:19:36,956 --> 00:19:38,796 - Gag me. - Who even uses that phrase? 391 00:19:38,958 --> 00:19:40,465 I'm climbing down the ladder. 392 00:19:40,627 --> 00:19:43,426 - I'm gonna find this guy. - I stay and search the workshop. 393 00:19:43,588 --> 00:19:46,305 - Any stuff there that can heal me? - Some potions. 394 00:19:46,466 --> 00:19:47,973 Okay, well, I get half of that. 395 00:19:48,134 --> 00:19:49,641 You just went down the ladder. 396 00:19:49,803 --> 00:19:51,808 I can... Can I hear him looting upstairs? 397 00:19:51,971 --> 00:19:53,478 Not if I move about silently. 398 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:57,068 Fine, fine. If I heal you, can we divide the potions? 399 00:19:57,227 --> 00:19:59,813 Okay, but I decide who gets what. 400 00:19:59,979 --> 00:20:01,819 Fine, but we've gotta be wary of traps. 401 00:20:01,981 --> 00:20:03,274 - Wand of Orcus. - I don't... 402 00:20:03,441 --> 00:20:04,615 What's going on? 403 00:20:04,776 --> 00:20:09,285 - Give me a... I'm up to here with you. - Want to get the necromancer or not? 404 00:20:09,447 --> 00:20:11,168 Do they like each other now? 405 00:20:11,324 --> 00:20:14,421 Are you kidding me? They can't stand being in the same room. 406 00:20:14,577 --> 00:20:16,962 I also don't think they can handle being apart. 407 00:20:17,122 --> 00:20:23,338 And I think they just found a way to avoid doing either. 408 00:20:26,756 --> 00:20:30,019 And that's the best most fathers and sons can do. 409 00:20:31,094 --> 00:20:32,601 You've made me so proud today. 410 00:20:34,347 --> 00:20:38,227 - Know where we can buy a real sword? - Oh, Jeffrey. 411 00:20:45,358 --> 00:20:48,656 You're still at the entrance to the Chamber of Grief. 412 00:20:50,864 --> 00:20:52,536 Your move, Mr. Tickles. 413 00:20:55,702 --> 00:20:59,379 You successfully pour more tea into Count Frogula's cup. 414 00:20:59,539 --> 00:21:02,387 That puts it at Hillary Rodham Kitten. 415 00:21:02,542 --> 00:21:06,552 Okay, you attempt to pass crumpets. 416 00:21:08,590 --> 00:21:09,847 You fail. 417 00:21:10,008 --> 00:21:13,769 I'm getting frustrated. If you take a look at your inventories, you'll see... 418 00:21:13,928 --> 00:21:15,352 Abed, are you almost done? 419 00:21:15,513 --> 00:21:17,186 I can't sleep without my stuffies. 420 00:21:17,348 --> 00:21:19,151 Fine. Hold on. 421 00:21:20,226 --> 00:21:22,991 Oh, a goblin notices you and murders you all. You're dead. 422 00:21:23,146 --> 00:21:24,700 They're all yours. 423 00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:35,285 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org