1 00:00:00,217 --> 00:00:03,719 Chomsky, come here. Come here, chomsky. 2 00:00:03,721 --> 00:00:05,187 Abed, I'm really sorry. 3 00:00:05,189 --> 00:00:06,455 I told you cats don't like me. 4 00:00:06,457 --> 00:00:07,256 They consider me a competitor 5 00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:09,024 Because of my natural stealth and ambivalence. 6 00:00:09,026 --> 00:00:10,792 Uh-oh, did she get high again 7 00:00:10,794 --> 00:00:11,927 And forget she doesn't wear contacts? 8 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,929 Before britta moved her cats into our apartment, 9 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:17,799 She wanted to introduce them to us on neutral ground. 10 00:00:18,002 --> 00:00:20,169 One of them scratched abed and ran under the couch. 11 00:00:20,171 --> 00:00:22,471 Oh, I'll get it. Cats love me. 12 00:00:22,473 --> 00:00:24,973 What? Are you sure? Mmm-hmm. 13 00:00:27,411 --> 00:00:28,844 Hello, there. 14 00:00:28,846 --> 00:00:30,712 Well, she is... Is it a he or a she? 15 00:00:30,714 --> 00:00:35,551 He. Well, he's really got his teeth in my flesh right now. 16 00:00:36,754 --> 00:00:39,087 Okay, he's touching bone. 17 00:00:40,057 --> 00:00:41,390 I'm just waiting for him to finish up. 18 00:00:41,392 --> 00:00:43,959 Not a lot I can do at this point. 19 00:00:44,161 --> 00:00:47,029 This was a pretty big mistake. 20 00:00:47,031 --> 00:00:49,765 Okay, I guess he's done. 21 00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:52,935 Oh! Ooh! 22 00:00:52,937 --> 00:00:54,303 See you tomorrow? 23 00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:56,872 I'm pretty embarrassed about this. 24 00:00:56,874 --> 00:00:57,439 Chomsky... 25 00:00:57,441 --> 00:00:59,208 I didn't know britta was moving in 26 00:00:59,210 --> 00:01:00,809 With annie and abed. That's... 27 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:01,877 Expository? Yeah. 28 00:01:01,879 --> 00:01:02,978 Britta's fallen on hard times, 29 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,646 And our apartment is the cheapest game in town. 30 00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:07,449 Abed, it's a little embarrassing 31 00:01:07,451 --> 00:01:09,251 When you put it that way. 32 00:01:09,253 --> 00:01:10,886 Britta's a rich genius with superpowers, 33 00:01:10,888 --> 00:01:13,589 And she's gonna live on our sofa for no reason. 34 00:01:13,591 --> 00:01:17,159 Oh, no, dinosaurs! My tax documents! 35 00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:18,961 Facts about native americans! 36 00:01:18,963 --> 00:01:20,195 just kidding. 37 00:01:20,197 --> 00:01:23,165 Guess what I just purchased for the school 38 00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:23,999 From a local manufacturer? 39 00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:28,303 Greendale's first virtual reality operating system. 40 00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:31,640 Did greendale need a virtual reality system? 41 00:01:31,642 --> 00:01:35,010 Uh, like a hole in the head. 42 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,713 A hole in the head is something that you don't need. 43 00:01:37,715 --> 00:01:40,849 She said through a huge hole in her head. 44 00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:41,950 Didn't vr go out in the '90s? 45 00:01:41,952 --> 00:01:45,287 The last people I saw using it were in the honeycomb hideout. 46 00:01:45,289 --> 00:01:47,289 Ah, we mock what we don't understand. 47 00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:48,991 We also mock what's silly. Jeffrey. 48 00:01:48,993 --> 00:01:50,092 Abed, you're more machine than man. 49 00:01:50,094 --> 00:01:52,594 You want to give me a hand setting up the equipment after lunch? 50 00:01:52,596 --> 00:01:54,896 We're all gonna help britta move into our place today. 51 00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:57,432 Jeffrey? 52 00:01:57,434 --> 00:01:59,568 Britta, something's come up. I'd love to. 53 00:01:59,570 --> 00:02:00,302 Oh. Yeah, yeah. 54 00:02:00,304 --> 00:02:02,738 At least you don't have to bust out your usual excuse. 55 00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:04,239 You don't know for sure that I'm not a veteran, 56 00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:07,609 And nobody can say for sure that today isn't veterans day. 57 00:02:07,611 --> 00:02:09,811 Hi, I got bit by a cat. 58 00:02:09,813 --> 00:02:11,213 Chang, we know. 59 00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:15,684 Why are you guys and all these books in the nurse's office? 60 00:02:47,284 --> 00:02:49,551 Dean, where did you get this 61 00:02:49,553 --> 00:02:50,852 And for how much of the school's money? 62 00:02:50,854 --> 00:02:54,323 Oh, relax, my little bean countess. Don't worry about it. 63 00:02:54,325 --> 00:02:56,858 You pay me to worry about that. 64 00:02:56,860 --> 00:02:59,294 Oh. "and how much do I pay you?" 65 00:02:59,296 --> 00:03:01,730 That's you. It was only 66 00:03:01,999 --> 00:03:03,165 $5,000. 67 00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:04,032 What? 68 00:03:04,034 --> 00:03:06,268 Frankie, jack me up. 69 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:10,305 I would like to see this company's website. 70 00:03:10,307 --> 00:03:12,274 can I use your computer? 71 00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:13,008 Sure. 72 00:03:13,010 --> 00:03:14,576 Have fun in the stone age 73 00:03:14,578 --> 00:03:19,581 While I step into the third dean-mension. 74 00:03:19,583 --> 00:03:20,515 Width? 75 00:03:20,517 --> 00:03:22,584 Read the instructions, analog man. 76 00:03:22,586 --> 00:03:23,652 "when entering virtual reality, 77 00:03:23,654 --> 00:03:27,789 "you should calibrate the system by looking at your own hands, 78 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:28,523 "then turning them over 79 00:03:28,525 --> 00:03:33,195 "and looking at the backs of them with a sense of wonder." 80 00:03:33,197 --> 00:03:34,596 Roger that. 81 00:03:36,266 --> 00:03:39,968 Welcome to the virtugood 6500. 82 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,837 oh. 83 00:03:42,539 --> 00:03:45,073 Initiate calibration. My god! 84 00:03:45,075 --> 00:03:48,777 It's... It's incredible. 85 00:03:48,779 --> 00:03:51,179 I can see all around. 86 00:03:51,281 --> 00:03:51,813 Oh! 87 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,816 Let me take a closer look at these structures. 88 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:55,550 I... 89 00:03:55,552 --> 00:03:57,586 Oh! 90 00:03:57,588 --> 00:03:59,955 I'm walking. 91 00:04:00,190 --> 00:04:03,525 I am walking. 92 00:04:05,396 --> 00:04:06,962 My god. 93 00:04:13,804 --> 00:04:16,004 I know what this is. 94 00:04:17,908 --> 00:04:19,408 Yah! 95 00:04:22,379 --> 00:04:24,513 I set the time zone. 96 00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:26,381 I... Set the time zone! 97 00:04:26,383 --> 00:04:28,083 And my phone does that automatically. 98 00:04:28,085 --> 00:04:31,486 I'm gonna see if I can make the font bigger. 99 00:04:39,897 --> 00:04:42,264 The font is larger, 100 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,232 And Jesus wept, 101 00:04:44,234 --> 00:04:48,069 For there were no more worlds to conquer. 102 00:04:53,243 --> 00:04:54,609 Thank you guys again so much. 103 00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:56,144 I know that I already owe you money, 104 00:04:56,146 --> 00:04:58,280 But I want you to know that I got a new bartending job 105 00:04:58,282 --> 00:05:00,182 With better hours and free corn nuts, 106 00:05:00,184 --> 00:05:02,384 Which I feel like have a small but significant resale value. 107 00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:06,154 I feel like everybody's talking about that haircut I gave vicki, 108 00:05:06,156 --> 00:05:07,689 So... 109 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,292 Aww, britta, it's okay. 110 00:05:10,294 --> 00:05:11,726 Am I... Do I do this too? Okay. 111 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:14,095 This is gonna be good for all of us, right? 112 00:05:14,097 --> 00:05:16,031 It's like a fresh start. 113 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:17,766 Oh, did you guys get a new couch? 114 00:05:17,768 --> 00:05:20,469 We got it for you. It has a pull-out. 115 00:05:20,471 --> 00:05:22,771 You guys! 116 00:05:22,773 --> 00:05:24,306 I wanted a murphy bed for shenanigans, 117 00:05:24,308 --> 00:05:26,575 But the cost-to-shenanigan ratio was too high. 118 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:27,776 How did you guys afford this? 119 00:05:27,778 --> 00:05:30,512 Ah, don't worry. We got a good deal. 120 00:05:30,514 --> 00:05:34,349 "for pickup, perry." why is my name on here? 121 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:36,685 Because we got it for you. 122 00:05:36,687 --> 00:05:38,987 And we told the sales guy that, so... 123 00:05:38,989 --> 00:05:42,390 So he put your friend's name on the delivery slip? 124 00:05:42,392 --> 00:05:44,593 That seems weird, right? 125 00:05:47,998 --> 00:05:52,000 Roommate movie night! Roommate movie night, yay! 126 00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:56,137 Portuguese gremlins. Portuguese gremlins, ooh. 127 00:05:56,139 --> 00:05:57,205 It's portugal's answer to gremlins 128 00:05:57,207 --> 00:05:58,907 If gremlins' question was, "how can you totally rip us off 129 00:05:58,909 --> 00:06:01,843 "without spending any money and having watched us maybe twice?" 130 00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:02,744 Chi-chu chi-chu! 131 00:06:02,746 --> 00:06:06,214 That's what the portuguese gremlins say, right? It's close enough. 132 00:06:06,216 --> 00:06:07,983 Chi-chu chi-chu! 133 00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:16,091 I did it. 134 00:06:16,093 --> 00:06:16,591 It's 2:39. 135 00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:19,794 That was the time when you started setting the time. 136 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,429 It's 20 minutes later now. 137 00:06:21,431 --> 00:06:24,633 The power, the facility. 138 00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:25,400 Jesus wep... 139 00:06:25,402 --> 00:06:26,668 Stop saying "Jesus wept." 140 00:06:26,670 --> 00:06:30,372 Dean, here's something fun you might want to try. 141 00:06:30,374 --> 00:06:34,209 Let's see if we can find the serial number 142 00:06:34,211 --> 00:06:35,610 To this system. 143 00:06:35,612 --> 00:06:37,145 Oh, that could be fun. 144 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,080 So go to settings. 145 00:06:39,082 --> 00:06:42,150 Is settings the volcano or the cobbler's workshop? 146 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,785 It's a monastery. 147 00:06:46,356 --> 00:06:48,523 I feel the power! 148 00:06:52,362 --> 00:06:53,495 huh! 149 00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:56,164 Welcome to settings. 150 00:06:57,901 --> 00:06:59,935 Ah. Oh! 151 00:06:59,937 --> 00:07:04,406 The majesty, the filing cabinets. 152 00:07:04,408 --> 00:07:09,077 You're looking for one called purchase info. 153 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:16,184 These cabinets would never be this easy to climb in real life. 154 00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,086 This is the future of scrolling! 155 00:07:18,088 --> 00:07:19,688 My world is officially boundless. 156 00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,089 I'm here. 157 00:07:21,091 --> 00:07:25,627 Inside that drawer should be a file called serial number. 158 00:07:31,835 --> 00:07:33,969 I've got it! 159 00:07:33,971 --> 00:07:37,005 All right, now you just have to print that file out. 160 00:07:37,007 --> 00:07:39,140 You can do that by dragging it 161 00:07:39,142 --> 00:07:41,876 To the accessories and peripherals castle 162 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,312 And planting it in the printer garden. 163 00:07:46,116 --> 00:07:48,717 What's so funny? I mean, besides everything? 164 00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:52,754 I have no intention of returning this system. 165 00:07:52,756 --> 00:07:54,389 On the contrary, 166 00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:57,726 I intend... To keep it. 167 00:07:57,728 --> 00:07:59,294 Dear god. 168 00:07:59,296 --> 00:08:01,096 Ah! 169 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,731 Delete. 170 00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:05,300 One file selected. 171 00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,002 Oh, hold on. 172 00:08:09,506 --> 00:08:12,273 File sorted. 173 00:08:12,275 --> 00:08:14,209 What? Oh, come on. 174 00:08:14,211 --> 00:08:16,478 come here, you little... 175 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:18,847 hyah! 176 00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,050 Shh, shh. 177 00:08:22,052 --> 00:08:23,618 don't fight it. 178 00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:26,254 just let go. 179 00:08:30,293 --> 00:08:32,961 File deleted. 180 00:08:32,963 --> 00:08:35,130 Jesus wept! 181 00:08:35,132 --> 00:08:36,665 He deleted the serial number. 182 00:08:36,667 --> 00:08:37,565 Jeff, help me out here. 183 00:08:37,567 --> 00:08:38,767 I don't get paid enough for this. 184 00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,168 How much do you think you're gonna get paid 185 00:08:40,170 --> 00:08:44,072 If I have to find 5 grand in the budget? 186 00:08:44,841 --> 00:08:47,175 You're not the new annie. 187 00:08:47,177 --> 00:08:47,876 You're the new abed. 188 00:08:47,878 --> 00:08:50,211 Don't know what that means yet. 189 00:08:51,715 --> 00:08:52,647 So are the gremlins 190 00:08:52,649 --> 00:08:54,683 Supposed to be the good guys in this version? 191 00:08:54,685 --> 00:08:56,117 The blue ones are, the green ones are bad, 192 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,719 And the red ones are kind of like isolationists. 193 00:08:57,721 --> 00:09:00,255 It's a metaphor for world war ii. Ooh. 194 00:09:00,257 --> 00:09:01,823 Um, I will be right back. 195 00:09:01,825 --> 00:09:03,925 I left something in my car. 196 00:09:03,927 --> 00:09:05,293 Oh. 197 00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:10,298 hi, yes. 198 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,101 I picked up a sofa from your store recently. 199 00:09:13,103 --> 00:09:15,603 The last name is perry. 200 00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:17,605 Mmm-hmm. 201 00:09:19,943 --> 00:09:21,409 What? 202 00:09:24,281 --> 00:09:25,580 Are you strong or angry? 203 00:09:25,582 --> 00:09:26,281 My parents? 204 00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:30,952 My parents bought that couch? Explain yourself. 205 00:09:30,954 --> 00:09:32,921 well, are we... Okay. 206 00:09:32,923 --> 00:09:36,524 They kind of reached out to us on facebook. 207 00:09:36,526 --> 00:09:39,427 What? You know I don't talk to them. 208 00:09:39,429 --> 00:09:41,730 Well, yeah, that's why they talked to us. 209 00:09:41,732 --> 00:09:45,366 They knew you wouldn't let them help you, at least not directly. 210 00:09:45,368 --> 00:09:47,368 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 211 00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:49,904 You needed our help, but we needed their help to help you. 212 00:09:49,906 --> 00:09:52,207 That's why we were able to get you such a good deal on the rent. 213 00:09:52,209 --> 00:09:55,043 They're supplementing my rent too? 214 00:09:55,045 --> 00:09:56,978 You make them sound like monsters, 215 00:09:56,980 --> 00:09:59,147 But they're actually really nice. 216 00:10:08,291 --> 00:10:09,023 Well, they are. 217 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,059 My parents are horrible people. 218 00:10:11,061 --> 00:10:12,327 You're being dramatic. Oh, yeah. 219 00:10:12,329 --> 00:10:16,164 That's what people say when they take your soul 220 00:10:16,166 --> 00:10:18,466 And they rip it out of your chest 221 00:10:18,468 --> 00:10:21,669 And then shove it in your mouth! 222 00:10:27,778 --> 00:10:29,244 I got bit by a cat. 223 00:10:34,651 --> 00:10:38,186 Yes, I will create more worlds here, 224 00:10:38,188 --> 00:10:40,855 And those worlds will have worlds! 225 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:43,758 They're file folders. Stop calling them worlds. 226 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,827 I found an address. 227 00:10:45,829 --> 00:10:47,061 Elroy patashnik, 228 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,197 Founder of virtugood technologies. 229 00:10:49,199 --> 00:10:52,534 All right, I'll go see if I can get the school's money back. 230 00:10:52,536 --> 00:10:56,204 You keep white morpheus inside the matrix. 231 00:10:58,141 --> 00:10:59,741 Jeff. Britta, you look distraught. 232 00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:03,178 You have 10 seconds to tell me it's not about stupid politics. 233 00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:04,345 I just found out that annie and abed 234 00:11:04,347 --> 00:11:06,147 Have been cheating on me with my parents. 235 00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:08,483 They've been sabotaging my life from the shadows 236 00:11:08,485 --> 00:11:10,985 By paying off my debts and buying me things. 237 00:11:10,987 --> 00:11:12,287 Oh, thank god. 238 00:11:12,289 --> 00:11:13,454 What... "thank god"? 239 00:11:13,456 --> 00:11:14,522 The charade can finally end. 240 00:11:14,524 --> 00:11:16,658 Now you know everything you thought you owed us 241 00:11:16,660 --> 00:11:19,160 You can actually just owe to deb and george. 242 00:11:19,162 --> 00:11:19,861 "deb and george"? 243 00:11:19,863 --> 00:11:22,397 You know my parents too? Since when? 244 00:11:22,399 --> 00:11:25,934 I don't know, since thousands of dollars ago? 245 00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:26,601 I'm bad with dates. 246 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,571 I remember the new year's glasses having zeros for eyes, 247 00:11:29,573 --> 00:11:31,039 And when did stella get her groove back? 248 00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:33,441 You've all been lying to me for years? 249 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,043 What kind of friends are you? 250 00:11:35,045 --> 00:11:37,912 Poor. We're poor friends, and you mooch off us 251 00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:40,615 Because you're too proud to use your own support system. 252 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,383 What kind of friend are you? 253 00:11:42,385 --> 00:11:45,720 And having met them, what were you rebelling against? 254 00:11:45,722 --> 00:11:48,389 Was it generosity, whimsical game nights, 255 00:11:48,391 --> 00:11:50,091 Or delicious lobster bacon mashed potatoes? 256 00:11:50,093 --> 00:11:53,995 You ate their potatoes? You... You don't even eat carbs. 257 00:11:53,997 --> 00:11:56,097 I eat love, britta. Hot, delicious love 258 00:11:56,099 --> 00:11:58,800 That you were willing to wipe your ass with. 259 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:02,704 Oh, my god, I have no friends. 260 00:12:02,839 --> 00:12:03,938 Can we not be so dramatic about this? 261 00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:07,675 There are people in this world with serious problems. 262 00:12:09,346 --> 00:12:11,212 Chang, go see the nurse. 263 00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:15,583 I'm trying. 264 00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,396 Yeah? Elroy patashnik? 265 00:12:28,398 --> 00:12:30,164 Who's asking? Well, that's always a yes. 266 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,333 Nobody ever says, "who's asking?" to the wrong name. 267 00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,435 They just say, "that's not my name." 268 00:12:34,437 --> 00:12:36,237 When my phone rings and I say, "hello," 269 00:12:36,239 --> 00:12:37,105 And they say, "is pablo there?" 270 00:12:37,107 --> 00:12:38,806 I don't say, "who's asking?" 271 00:12:38,808 --> 00:12:40,608 I say, "wrong number." 272 00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:42,010 You're a clever young man. 273 00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:44,078 I'm 40. Come in. 274 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:48,383 So... 275 00:12:48,385 --> 00:12:50,385 You sold a virtugood 6500 276 00:12:50,387 --> 00:12:53,221 To craig pelton at greendale community college, 277 00:12:53,223 --> 00:12:55,189 And we need to return it. 278 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,124 I'll need the serial number. 279 00:12:56,126 --> 00:12:59,527 He deleted the serial number because he loves the system. 280 00:12:59,930 --> 00:13:00,628 So what's the problem? 281 00:13:00,630 --> 00:13:02,096 The problem is, in order to copy a file, 282 00:13:02,098 --> 00:13:05,033 You have to throw a fireball at it, then absorb the fire, 283 00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:07,669 Then drop the flaming file into a crystal lake, 284 00:13:07,671 --> 00:13:08,736 Then take out both copies 285 00:13:08,738 --> 00:13:10,638 And throw them into the side of a mountain. 286 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,674 Worlds within worlds. 287 00:13:12,676 --> 00:13:13,408 That doesn't mean anything. 288 00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:16,277 I can copy a file by holding my finger down on a phone. 289 00:13:16,279 --> 00:13:17,679 Oh, so can a monkey. 290 00:13:17,681 --> 00:13:20,581 Now, you're describing a system for animals, 291 00:13:20,583 --> 00:13:21,482 Terrestrial slobs 292 00:13:21,484 --> 00:13:24,218 Bound to the earth by their meaty feet. 293 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,787 I designed a system for gods. 294 00:13:25,789 --> 00:13:28,790 Oh, come on, you know what you've done. 295 00:13:28,792 --> 00:13:30,858 You know how lame virtual reality is. 296 00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:33,528 You know the damage it caused mid-'90s cinema. 297 00:13:33,530 --> 00:13:35,964 I mean, michael douglas walking around like a jackass, 298 00:13:35,966 --> 00:13:37,632 Moving files with a magic glove? 299 00:13:37,634 --> 00:13:40,735 And lawnmower man... Did you see lawnmower man? 300 00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:43,304 You bet your sweet ass I saw lawnmower man. 301 00:13:43,306 --> 00:13:44,038 I consulted on it. 302 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,406 Took brigitte nielsen to the premiere. 303 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:46,808 We were building worlds within worlds. 304 00:13:46,810 --> 00:13:49,344 And now you're living in homes within campers 305 00:13:49,346 --> 00:13:50,712 Within parking lots and using an ipad 306 00:13:50,714 --> 00:13:54,649 To clearly design what looks like a rip-off of angry birds. 307 00:13:54,651 --> 00:13:57,051 Get out. Get out of my winnebago! 308 00:13:57,053 --> 00:14:00,088 You're not allowed to say that like it's a punishment. 309 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:00,588 Pssh. 310 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:03,624 I know what it's like to lie for a living, elroy, 311 00:14:03,626 --> 00:14:06,961 And you should know it feels better to stop. 312 00:14:08,164 --> 00:14:10,999 And my feet aren't meaty. 313 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,879 britta, honey. 314 00:14:24,881 --> 00:14:25,947 An unexpected treat. 315 00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:28,016 This is a check for all the dirty money 316 00:14:28,018 --> 00:14:30,985 You've used to control and monitor me without my consent. 317 00:14:30,987 --> 00:14:32,487 Well, we're not gonna cash this. 318 00:14:32,489 --> 00:14:34,122 Well, you can't. I postdated it a year. 319 00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:37,091 And in that year, I'm gonna get a new job, 320 00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:38,092 New friends in a new city 321 00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:41,796 Where you and your spies can never find me. 322 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,931 Oh, please, don't do this. 323 00:14:43,933 --> 00:14:45,533 What choice do you leave me? 324 00:14:45,535 --> 00:14:49,270 Who acts this dishonestly towards their own daughter? 325 00:14:49,272 --> 00:14:51,906 What choice do you leave us? Yeah. 326 00:14:51,908 --> 00:14:54,976 Every time we get too close, you run off. 327 00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:55,710 We sent you a birthday card 328 00:14:55,712 --> 00:14:57,578 To your apartment in new york, and the next week, 329 00:14:57,580 --> 00:15:00,348 You're setting fire to a jamba juice in san jose. 330 00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:01,816 How long is that gonna stick with me? 331 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,951 Until arson is legal, sweetie, 332 00:15:03,953 --> 00:15:05,253 But your father's point is 333 00:15:05,255 --> 00:15:07,355 We've arrived at the closest relationship 334 00:15:07,357 --> 00:15:09,023 You can tolerate. Mmm-hmm. 335 00:15:09,025 --> 00:15:11,492 We've learned after a decade 336 00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:16,064 How to love and admire and finance you from afar 337 00:15:16,066 --> 00:15:18,766 Through your friends and... And the social media. 338 00:15:18,768 --> 00:15:20,868 Tinder and the like. 339 00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:22,270 It's called tumblr, dad. 340 00:15:22,272 --> 00:15:24,305 No, I mean tinder. 341 00:15:24,307 --> 00:15:25,173 It's a matchmaking app, 342 00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:27,508 And by the way, if you were on tinder, 343 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,710 Your mom and I think you would be the prettiest. 344 00:15:29,712 --> 00:15:33,247 Absolutely. The boys would be swiping right. 345 00:15:33,249 --> 00:15:34,715 Or girls. Yeah. 346 00:15:34,717 --> 00:15:37,085 Whatever makes you happy. Totally. 347 00:15:37,087 --> 00:15:39,487 What has happened to you two? 348 00:15:39,489 --> 00:15:43,124 Who are these doddering, open-minded geezers? 349 00:15:43,126 --> 00:15:44,959 Where are the people who wouldn't let me 350 00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:45,993 Dress up like prince for halloween, 351 00:15:45,995 --> 00:15:49,931 Or told me that the cat ran away because I tried alcohol, 352 00:15:49,933 --> 00:15:54,135 Or had me drug tested when I was 11 353 00:15:54,137 --> 00:15:57,271 Because they said I was "laughing too much"? 354 00:15:57,273 --> 00:16:00,675 We are definitely sorry about all of that stuff. 355 00:16:00,677 --> 00:16:04,479 Quite frankly, we don't remember that stuff. 356 00:16:04,481 --> 00:16:06,747 it's true. 357 00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:08,749 Woodstock, oh. Oh, my god. 358 00:16:08,751 --> 00:16:09,784 I remember woodstock! 359 00:16:09,786 --> 00:16:13,287 Woodstock was amazing. We had the... 360 00:16:13,289 --> 00:16:15,723 But... But you have to realize, britta, 361 00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,492 That your woodstock... Yep. Yeah. 362 00:16:17,494 --> 00:16:20,128 Which was us being bad parents... 363 00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:20,761 Mmm-hmm. 364 00:16:20,763 --> 00:16:22,230 That has more to do with you, 365 00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,799 So that's what you remember, see? 366 00:16:24,801 --> 00:16:26,601 Yeah, mmm-hmm. 367 00:16:27,670 --> 00:16:29,170 Where are they? 368 00:16:29,172 --> 00:16:29,737 I'm sorry? 369 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:32,940 Get out here now! 370 00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:35,309 Britta, let me explain. 371 00:16:35,311 --> 00:16:39,247 We were worried about you, so we just came over... 372 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:42,817 You can explain to each other in hell! 373 00:16:42,819 --> 00:16:46,754 Friends don't visit each other's parents! 374 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:51,759 I hope you... Have... A wonderful... Life! 375 00:16:59,636 --> 00:17:00,168 Oh. 376 00:17:00,170 --> 00:17:02,303 george, george, yes. 377 00:17:02,305 --> 00:17:04,772 Britta, at least take some money and fix your car. 378 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:07,141 Or at least get a cab, or there are apps we can call 379 00:17:07,143 --> 00:17:10,711 Where strangers pick you up. I don't want your help! 380 00:17:10,713 --> 00:17:13,014 Stop infantilizing me! 381 00:17:13,016 --> 00:17:13,648 Hey, stop! 382 00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:16,484 Stop! Get out of here. 383 00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:18,219 Hey! 384 00:17:21,424 --> 00:17:22,456 Green machine... Nice. 385 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:25,726 Here, greg. Here, take some cash. 386 00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,795 Holy crap. 387 00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,764 What's her problem? 388 00:17:30,099 --> 00:17:32,233 She's growing up. 389 00:17:38,942 --> 00:17:39,907 Yah! 390 00:17:41,444 --> 00:17:42,410 Yah! 391 00:17:42,412 --> 00:17:47,215 Oh, my god, I put a tilde on this n. 392 00:17:47,417 --> 00:17:50,818 I can do any... Thing! 393 00:17:53,089 --> 00:17:54,622 Any luck? 394 00:17:55,458 --> 00:17:56,824 Oh. 395 00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:57,992 I'm going home. 396 00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:02,663 Oh, and to warn you, he joked about wanting a pee jar earlier, 397 00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:06,033 And it's gradually becoming less of a joke. 398 00:18:07,604 --> 00:18:09,904 Hey, dean, I'm coming over, 399 00:18:09,906 --> 00:18:11,072 And I'm pulling you out of there. 400 00:18:11,074 --> 00:18:12,406 I'll bite you. I'll beat you up. 401 00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:13,975 I'll like it, and then I'll fire you, 402 00:18:13,977 --> 00:18:15,409 And then I'll get right back in it. 403 00:18:15,411 --> 00:18:16,944 Well, still get to beat you up. 404 00:18:16,946 --> 00:18:18,613 Hold it. Hold it. 405 00:18:19,282 --> 00:18:20,481 Who is that? 406 00:18:20,483 --> 00:18:21,515 I recognize that baritone voice 407 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,685 And the scent of tic tacs with a tinge of naugahyde. 408 00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,153 It's elroy patashnik. 409 00:18:26,155 --> 00:18:28,623 the architect. 410 00:18:28,625 --> 00:18:30,791 Listen, I've come to tell you something very important 411 00:18:30,793 --> 00:18:32,560 About this system. 412 00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:36,731 It's lame. 413 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,232 What? 414 00:18:38,234 --> 00:18:39,734 I wasted your time with it 415 00:18:39,736 --> 00:18:42,069 And 10 crucial years of america's time. 416 00:18:42,071 --> 00:18:44,272 I'm giving mr. Winger your refund. 417 00:18:44,274 --> 00:18:45,039 I don't want a refund. 418 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,341 I want to stay in here forever, 419 00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:51,012 and you can't stop me. 420 00:18:51,447 --> 00:18:52,513 Die! 421 00:18:52,515 --> 00:18:56,484 Hyah, hyah, hyah, hyah, hyah, hyah! 422 00:18:56,486 --> 00:18:58,719 How long has he been in there? 423 00:18:58,788 --> 00:19:00,187 Four hours? 424 00:19:00,189 --> 00:19:03,591 Oh, I was thinking weeks. 425 00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:05,693 Ha! Yup! 426 00:19:07,430 --> 00:19:09,964 This guy runs your school? 427 00:19:12,335 --> 00:19:15,069 To use a phrase I coined in the '90s, 428 00:19:16,439 --> 00:19:17,972 "I'm going in." 429 00:19:17,974 --> 00:19:20,675 You coined that? Oh, yeah. 430 00:19:20,977 --> 00:19:23,044 Lock and load. 431 00:19:23,446 --> 00:19:25,246 That's mine too. 432 00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:26,914 All right. 433 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,753 I'm awake! 434 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:35,056 Oh, my god! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 435 00:19:35,058 --> 00:19:36,390 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 436 00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:37,892 What are you doing in my car? 437 00:19:37,894 --> 00:19:40,561 I didn't have anywhere else to go. 438 00:19:40,563 --> 00:19:43,264 Nowhere else but my car? 439 00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:46,567 Do you know how big the planet is? 440 00:19:50,173 --> 00:19:52,940 What is going on, britta? 441 00:19:53,543 --> 00:19:56,277 My friends... They all think my parents are adorable, 442 00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:58,679 And they think I'm the bad guy for hating them. 443 00:19:58,681 --> 00:19:59,747 But I have a right to hate them, 444 00:19:59,749 --> 00:20:01,415 'cause I had to be there when they sucked. 445 00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:05,219 Yeah, jimmy fallon syndrome. I get it. 446 00:20:05,321 --> 00:20:07,088 I had that with my parents too. 447 00:20:07,090 --> 00:20:08,756 You did? Yeah. 448 00:20:08,758 --> 00:20:11,425 You know, one of the most unfair lessons 449 00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:16,130 We're forced to learn is that our parents are human beings. 450 00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:19,200 We want to think of them as gods or demons, 451 00:20:19,202 --> 00:20:21,435 Because then that would make us heroes, but, 452 00:20:21,437 --> 00:20:25,206 Ugh, give me a break. We all suck. 453 00:20:25,608 --> 00:20:28,442 What can I do to help you tonight, britta? 454 00:20:30,546 --> 00:20:34,415 How many quarters were in this cup holder? 455 00:20:34,951 --> 00:20:36,650 The same amount. 456 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,786 Ahh... Yeah. 457 00:20:38,788 --> 00:20:40,888 Calibrated. Welcome. 458 00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:42,723 No! Go away! 459 00:20:42,725 --> 00:20:44,859 Preferences. Grow. 460 00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:49,063 No! 461 00:20:49,065 --> 00:20:52,032 no, no, let go of me! 462 00:20:52,034 --> 00:20:55,469 Do you really want the power of a god? 463 00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:57,805 Yes, more than anything! 464 00:20:57,807 --> 00:20:58,773 Should I order dinner? 465 00:20:58,775 --> 00:21:01,008 A lot of good delivery places are closing. 466 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:02,276 I know how you feel. 467 00:21:02,278 --> 00:21:04,478 The sadder reality, 468 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:05,846 The less real we want it. 469 00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:07,481 I just want to be a good dean. 470 00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:11,619 I can give you a device that will accomplish that. 471 00:21:11,921 --> 00:21:12,386 Oh. 472 00:21:12,388 --> 00:21:16,090 You can use this to manipulate worlds 473 00:21:16,092 --> 00:21:18,526 With the flick of a wrist. 474 00:21:20,830 --> 00:21:24,765 My god, it's incredible. 475 00:21:25,101 --> 00:21:26,634 Now! 476 00:21:27,470 --> 00:21:29,270 Ahh! What's happening? 477 00:21:29,272 --> 00:21:31,505 No, I want to go back in! 478 00:21:31,507 --> 00:21:33,107 I want to be back in! 479 00:21:33,109 --> 00:21:34,041 I want to be... 480 00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:36,210 Here, here, here. Here's your power. 481 00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:38,212 here. 482 00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:41,449 Now, manipulate worlds. 483 00:21:42,585 --> 00:21:44,118 Yeah. 484 00:21:44,587 --> 00:21:47,688 He'll be back to his old self in an hour. 485 00:21:47,690 --> 00:21:48,255 Great. 486 00:21:48,257 --> 00:21:50,558 Do you have a way to fix that? 487 00:21:59,101 --> 00:22:01,268 Seriously, though, thank you. 488 00:22:01,604 --> 00:22:03,437 And... Ooh. 489 00:22:06,676 --> 00:22:07,741 Britta, we were so worried. 490 00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:09,410 What happened to the kid's green machine? 491 00:22:09,412 --> 00:22:11,879 What? I don't know. I ditched it. 492 00:22:11,881 --> 00:22:12,880 Where and how long ago? 493 00:22:12,882 --> 00:22:15,182 Okay, I assume that's not what's important here. 494 00:22:15,184 --> 00:22:16,851 Britta, we... It's okay, dad. 495 00:22:16,853 --> 00:22:18,752 I have something that I want to say. 496 00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:22,389 I ran away from home at 17 to become an adult, 497 00:22:22,391 --> 00:22:26,894 But maybe all that did was leave a part of me stuck at 17... 498 00:22:26,896 --> 00:22:28,629 The part that tends to run away 499 00:22:28,631 --> 00:22:30,731 When I'm confronted with the truth. 500 00:22:30,733 --> 00:22:32,166 The truth is good, britta. 501 00:22:32,168 --> 00:22:33,000 Mom, shut up! 502 00:22:33,002 --> 00:22:35,035 Frankie taught me something important. 503 00:22:35,037 --> 00:22:37,605 It doesn't matter how mature we are 504 00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:38,672 Or what resentments we carry. 505 00:22:38,674 --> 00:22:42,877 All that matters is that we're all going to die. 506 00:22:45,882 --> 00:22:48,916 You have a lovely home. 507 00:22:48,918 --> 00:22:52,119 Thank you. So we're really getting our daughter back? 508 00:22:52,121 --> 00:22:54,188 Yeah, but it's not gonna be that big of a deal. 509 00:22:54,190 --> 00:22:55,289 I mean, you guys missed the good years. 510 00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:57,124 Now it's just gonna be margaritas, pottery barn, 511 00:22:57,126 --> 00:23:00,094 Fighting our family's tendency toward obesity 512 00:23:00,096 --> 00:23:01,228 As we slide into oblivion... 513 00:23:01,230 --> 00:23:04,198 First you guys and then me quickly thereafter. 514 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,499 Well, I'll drink to that. 515 00:23:05,501 --> 00:23:08,135 Oh, britta. Hi, mom. 516 00:23:08,137 --> 00:23:10,738 Oh. Abed. 517 00:23:11,140 --> 00:23:13,440 benjamin! 518 00:23:13,543 --> 00:23:15,743 I got bit by a cat, deb. 519 00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:20,214 I'll get the antibiotics. 520 00:23:21,551 --> 00:23:24,184 Thank you for the refund, elroy. 521 00:23:24,186 --> 00:23:26,153 No, thank you 522 00:23:26,355 --> 00:23:28,689 For one last taste of what it was like 523 00:23:28,691 --> 00:23:30,057 When my work was valuable. 524 00:23:30,059 --> 00:23:31,559 Oh, it's still valuable. 525 00:23:31,561 --> 00:23:37,565 Here, $500 for the taste I got of being powerful. 526 00:23:40,603 --> 00:23:42,803 Dean, the school can't afford 500... 527 00:23:42,805 --> 00:23:44,805 Wait for it. 528 00:23:46,108 --> 00:23:49,143 I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life now. 529 00:23:49,145 --> 00:23:52,279 We offer a wide variety of classes. 530 00:23:54,483 --> 00:23:55,082 Hmm. 531 00:23:55,084 --> 00:23:59,186 And that, my friend, is the greendale effect. 532 00:24:01,057 --> 00:24:03,157 I'll never get out of here, will I? 533 00:24:03,159 --> 00:24:06,460 I haven't met many that do. 534 00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:08,062 Let's walk arm in arm. 535 00:24:08,064 --> 00:24:13,434 There are times when change needs to be different, 536 00:24:13,436 --> 00:24:16,904 And there's changes that are more the same. 537 00:24:16,906 --> 00:24:19,473 But the same changes don't tend to be different 538 00:24:19,475 --> 00:24:22,710 Than the changes that came before. 539 00:24:22,712 --> 00:24:24,278 If you change everything that's different, 540 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:27,181 Sometimes you find out... You're back, troy. 541 00:24:27,183 --> 00:24:30,117 Everything's still the same. 542 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:30,818 As for me, 543 00:24:30,820 --> 00:24:37,291 I'm just changing... Everything that's different. 544 00:24:39,695 --> 00:24:41,261 Change. 545 00:25:05,454 --> 00:25:07,921 Chi-chu chi-chu.