1 00:00:03,081 --> 00:00:04,981 Dammit! 2 00:00:05,389 --> 00:00:06,353 Come on. 3 00:00:06,478 --> 00:00:07,635 Oh, Elroy! 4 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:08,810 Elroy, hey. 5 00:00:12,125 --> 00:00:14,920 - Computer no worky. - Please don't do that. 6 00:00:16,246 --> 00:00:19,032 - Computer no worky. - Did you forget your password again? 7 00:00:19,157 --> 00:00:22,066 Pelton, I can't keep track of all the parakeets you had growing up. 8 00:00:22,426 --> 00:00:23,461 This is different. 9 00:00:23,586 --> 00:00:25,889 No matter what I do, I get the same error. 10 00:00:26,055 --> 00:00:26,848 Which one? 11 00:00:27,106 --> 00:00:29,431 You have been owned by Elite Fleet 69. 12 00:00:29,556 --> 00:00:32,104 Our hacks are all up in your systems. 13 00:00:32,270 --> 00:00:35,607 I'm not bothering to pronounce them, but there are a lot of z's being used. 14 00:00:38,463 --> 00:00:39,486 Oh, crap. 15 00:00:39,652 --> 00:00:41,152 What? 16 00:00:41,612 --> 00:00:44,658 Is there another Mask movie coming out? 17 00:00:44,824 --> 00:00:46,702 - The school's been hacked. - What? 18 00:00:46,868 --> 00:00:49,105 - How can we stop it? - It's too late, it's happened. 19 00:00:50,037 --> 00:00:53,234 No parlo hablo too late at Greendale Elroy. 20 00:00:53,359 --> 00:00:55,252 There's always something that can be done. 21 00:00:55,418 --> 00:00:57,473 You know I, I wasn't gonna say anything but. 22 00:00:57,598 --> 00:00:59,423 You could cut the hardline at the mainframe. 23 00:00:59,589 --> 00:01:01,139 Hardline. Mainframe. 24 00:01:03,718 --> 00:01:08,348 To the mainframe! To the mainframe! 25 00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:13,230 Cut the hardline. 26 00:01:14,036 --> 00:01:17,264 - You were being sarcastic? - Yeah, but you should look at this. 27 00:01:18,510 --> 00:01:20,402 Cancel your offensive performance. 28 00:01:20,568 --> 00:01:22,066 You know the one we mean. 29 00:01:22,191 --> 00:01:23,836 We have all your information. 30 00:01:23,961 --> 00:01:27,333 If you do not cancel this hateful comedy show, 31 00:01:27,458 --> 00:01:29,980 you will taste our power in this way. 32 00:01:30,105 --> 00:01:31,663 - There's a link. - Don't click it. 33 00:01:31,921 --> 00:01:34,821 Oh, what, the green skull will give me a virus? 34 00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:36,835 My God. 35 00:01:37,508 --> 00:01:39,128 It's the lunch lady's emails. 36 00:01:39,253 --> 00:01:41,953 It's all the lunch lady's emails. 37 00:01:42,965 --> 00:01:44,040 Which lunch lady? 38 00:01:44,165 --> 00:01:45,232 The hot one? 39 00:01:47,229 --> 00:01:49,748 You mean the one who serves the hot food? 40 00:01:49,873 --> 00:01:52,416 Mmm, that's the one. 41 00:02:20,670 --> 00:02:23,006 Resync for WEB-DL by Kyros www.addic7ed.com 42 00:02:33,204 --> 00:02:35,960 Please tell me you guys aren't sitting there reading the lunch lady's 43 00:02:36,085 --> 00:02:37,134 leaked e-mails. 44 00:02:37,259 --> 00:02:41,886 No one here could ever do that, not even in shifts, it's decades of data. 45 00:02:42,011 --> 00:02:45,070 I'm reading the Greendale Gazette's highlights of the lunch lady's e-mails. 46 00:02:45,236 --> 00:02:46,923 I found a torrent of all the highlights if you don't want to wait for 47 00:02:47,048 --> 00:02:47,871 the ads to load. 48 00:02:47,996 --> 00:02:49,074 Abed, that's stealing. 49 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:50,143 Those ads are there 50 00:02:50,268 --> 00:02:52,160 so the Gazette can pay people to go through the lunch lady's email. 51 00:02:52,386 --> 00:02:54,431 Not to get too liberal, but once they're online, 52 00:02:54,556 --> 00:02:57,082 does anyone really own the lunch lady's emails? 53 00:02:57,248 --> 00:02:59,841 That's why the future of the internet is branded content. 54 00:02:59,966 --> 00:03:03,463 WazzleDazzle.com has got five Bacardi cocktails inspired by the lunch 55 00:03:03,588 --> 00:03:05,340 lady's most embarrassing secrets. 56 00:03:07,008 --> 00:03:08,718 You guys are violating her privacy. 57 00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:11,037 I'm pretty sure the media's doing that, Britta. 58 00:03:11,162 --> 00:03:12,472 We're just reading the news. 59 00:03:12,638 --> 00:03:15,716 The police are here, about our computers being hacked. 60 00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:18,257 Hi, guys. 61 00:03:18,382 --> 00:03:21,106 I see a few familiar faces here. A few new ones, as well. 62 00:03:23,075 --> 00:03:25,977 No, just gonna keep the cop you've known for five years at arms length? 63 00:03:26,102 --> 00:03:26,903 I get it. 64 00:03:27,069 --> 00:03:28,446 What have you boys been able to figure out? 65 00:03:28,612 --> 00:03:29,428 Don't call us boys. 66 00:03:29,553 --> 00:03:30,530 And it's a unique case, 67 00:03:30,655 --> 00:03:33,501 because it's hard to decide what laws are being broken. 68 00:03:33,626 --> 00:03:35,453 Unless you count the lunch lady's sex life. 69 00:03:40,309 --> 00:03:41,438 Thanks, thanks a lot. 70 00:03:41,563 --> 00:03:45,835 Anyway, our city does have a cyber-crime division, but it's well, 71 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,260 it's pretty new. 72 00:03:47,574 --> 00:03:49,663 Any leads? Officer Warburton. 73 00:03:49,788 --> 00:03:51,365 I want McDonald's. 74 00:03:52,455 --> 00:03:53,431 Wants. 75 00:03:53,556 --> 00:03:54,949 McDonald's. 76 00:03:55,074 --> 00:03:56,847 Some of you probably can't see from where you're sitting. 77 00:03:56,972 --> 00:03:59,901 It's literally a child in an adult sized police uniform. 78 00:04:00,026 --> 00:04:01,938 It's cute, but it doesn't help our situation. 79 00:04:02,370 --> 00:04:03,607 So what do we make of the demands? 80 00:04:04,096 --> 00:04:06,050 Well we were able to find out a little more. 81 00:04:06,175 --> 00:04:09,701 This message was posted online and signed, The Hackers. 82 00:04:09,826 --> 00:04:13,033 And we assume it's legit because well, that's just where we're at. 83 00:04:14,450 --> 00:04:16,673 Greendale, cancel the performance of the terrorist comedian 84 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:21,471 Gupta Gupti Gupta, who seeks to spread hatred with his hateful comedy. 85 00:04:21,596 --> 00:04:23,420 You guys booked Gupta Gupti Gupta? 86 00:04:23,834 --> 00:04:25,162 $700. 87 00:04:25,287 --> 00:04:27,715 Oh my God, Dean, he's renowned for his racist act. 88 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,891 How can he be racist? 89 00:04:30,016 --> 00:04:31,741 Listen to his name. 90 00:04:31,866 --> 00:04:34,501 Well, the message says if you don't cancel his performance, what happened 91 00:04:34,626 --> 00:04:37,515 to the lunch lady's gonna happen to everyone on the activities committee. 92 00:04:38,339 --> 00:04:39,672 We don't have a... 93 00:04:39,797 --> 00:04:40,894 Oh, God, that's us. 94 00:04:42,019 --> 00:04:44,015 - So, what do we do? - That's up to the school. 95 00:04:44,140 --> 00:04:46,979 Though I'm just a cop, born in a small town, raised in the heartland, 96 00:04:47,104 --> 00:04:50,278 but I say cancel the performance, and give the government the sweeping powers 97 00:04:50,444 --> 00:04:53,073 it needs to detect and eliminate people before they turn into hackers. 98 00:04:53,649 --> 00:04:54,866 Think that's all I've got. 99 00:04:55,032 --> 00:04:56,453 How's everything otherwise? 100 00:04:56,578 --> 00:05:00,080 Stoked for avengers, avengers, avengers, avengers? 101 00:05:00,614 --> 00:05:02,408 I hear Marvel got really hands on this time, 102 00:05:02,533 --> 00:05:05,449 they really pinned in Joss Whedon creatively, so how can that go wrong? 103 00:05:05,574 --> 00:05:07,250 Okay, see ya. 104 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,765 I guess I'm gonna call a press conference 105 00:05:12,890 --> 00:05:14,449 and announce the comedy is cancelled. 106 00:05:14,574 --> 00:05:15,887 Wait hold on. 107 00:05:19,260 --> 00:05:20,141 What's that? 108 00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:22,310 Do your thing, inspire them. 109 00:05:22,476 --> 00:05:23,395 To do what? 110 00:05:23,561 --> 00:05:25,204 To rise to the occasion. 111 00:05:25,329 --> 00:05:27,440 To not let these hackers push us around. 112 00:05:29,483 --> 00:05:31,620 Don't you guys think that we have an obligation here? 113 00:05:31,902 --> 00:05:33,613 The cop says no. 114 00:05:33,779 --> 00:05:37,903 Well the cops say that your car trunk has something to do with 9/11. 115 00:05:38,028 --> 00:05:40,287 They're not philosophers, they're crossing guards with guns. 116 00:05:40,626 --> 00:05:42,372 This is on us as a committee. 117 00:05:42,538 --> 00:05:44,066 The eyes of the world... 118 00:05:44,191 --> 00:05:45,875 Are within hundreds of miles of this room. 119 00:05:46,321 --> 00:05:48,169 Okay, how about the eyes of something bigger? 120 00:05:48,335 --> 00:05:49,538 Aren't you an atheist? 121 00:05:49,663 --> 00:05:51,214 Don't you hate this government? 122 00:05:51,339 --> 00:05:53,341 Are you even planning on going to see this comic? 123 00:05:53,507 --> 00:05:57,888 Yes, pretty much and of course not, I was planning to protest him. 124 00:05:58,013 --> 00:06:00,390 But I can't believe I'm the one saying this. 125 00:06:00,556 --> 00:06:02,970 For God sakes, we're freaking Americans. 126 00:06:03,095 --> 00:06:06,037 We're talking about freedom of speech, it's the amendment so 127 00:06:06,162 --> 00:06:08,732 important it's literally the first one they remembered to add. 128 00:06:08,898 --> 00:06:10,608 - For white people. - With penises. 129 00:06:11,208 --> 00:06:13,695 We prefer to be called people without color or vaginas. 130 00:06:13,861 --> 00:06:16,616 Look, I know some things have gotten too simple 131 00:06:16,741 --> 00:06:18,582 and other things have gotten too complicated, 132 00:06:18,707 --> 00:06:20,952 but we still have a legacy and a job in this country. 133 00:06:21,328 --> 00:06:24,513 We're the colony so high maintenance the British gave up. 134 00:06:24,638 --> 00:06:27,676 We're so obnoxious the French sent us a statue. 135 00:06:27,958 --> 00:06:29,907 Nobody tells us to shut up. 136 00:06:30,211 --> 00:06:33,173 And yes, I know that our wealth is no longer distributed, and yes, 137 00:06:33,571 --> 00:06:36,968 our democracy has been hijacked and turned into a puppet show about two 138 00:06:37,366 --> 00:06:40,305 fake parties that are controlled by a cartel of monopolies, and 139 00:06:40,838 --> 00:06:43,308 yes, if our votes had any real power they'd be illegal. 140 00:06:43,950 --> 00:06:46,397 Britta! Freedom of speech acknowledged. 141 00:06:46,522 --> 00:06:47,604 Trust us. 142 00:06:47,770 --> 00:06:49,473 Cancel the show and you cancel people. 143 00:06:49,598 --> 00:06:52,400 - Might as well bring dinosaurs back. - What? Let her finish. 144 00:06:52,566 --> 00:06:55,330 Britta, you saw what they did to the lunch lady. 145 00:06:55,455 --> 00:06:57,571 You wanna guess how much better my emails are? 146 00:06:57,696 --> 00:07:00,742 You want me to call a press conference and say, now do me? 147 00:07:00,908 --> 00:07:03,650 No, I'll do it. 148 00:07:03,775 --> 00:07:05,763 Let them leak me. 149 00:07:09,693 --> 00:07:11,461 I'm not letting you do this alone. 150 00:07:13,037 --> 00:07:13,838 Screw it. 151 00:07:14,578 --> 00:07:15,715 I'm in. 152 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:21,760 Someone has to be the last to stand up, and now that someone isn't me. 153 00:07:21,885 --> 00:07:25,350 I kinda zoned out and assume we're standing to go see Avengers. 154 00:07:25,516 --> 00:07:27,976 These guys are giving hackers a bad name. 155 00:07:28,101 --> 00:07:30,605 And hacker is already such a dumb name. 156 00:07:31,305 --> 00:07:33,731 I'm not an idealist, I'm a pragmatist. 157 00:07:33,856 --> 00:07:35,905 And it's never pragmatic to piss you guys off. 158 00:07:36,030 --> 00:07:38,822 So, fine. 159 00:07:39,428 --> 00:07:40,407 You guys. 160 00:07:40,573 --> 00:07:42,559 This is so inspiring. 161 00:07:42,684 --> 00:07:45,868 I guess, just let me know how it goes. 162 00:07:45,993 --> 00:07:48,701 No matter what happens I'm with you, but don't tell anyone I'm with you. 163 00:07:48,826 --> 00:07:51,531 If you do, I'll deny it, but I'm with you here and now. 164 00:07:51,656 --> 00:07:54,372 Not literally here and now, right now I'm leaving, 165 00:07:54,497 --> 00:07:56,845 but I will always have been with you secretly. 166 00:07:56,970 --> 00:07:57,971 Bye. 167 00:07:59,725 --> 00:08:03,638 The performance by Gupta Gupti Gupta will go on as scheduled tomorrow 168 00:08:03,846 --> 00:08:07,781 night, and we encourage anyone who believes in freedom to attend M. 169 00:08:07,906 --> 00:08:09,310 Gupta's performance. 170 00:08:09,476 --> 00:08:12,313 Although, as a woman, and someone with many Jewish and black friends, 171 00:08:12,479 --> 00:08:14,815 I will be deeply offended. 172 00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:18,611 I'm petitioning to have M. Gupta banned from all campuses across America. 173 00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:20,613 But, one thing at a time. 174 00:08:20,831 --> 00:08:24,647 First, freedom of speech does not just apply to speech you want to hear. 175 00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:26,138 Case in point, am I right? 176 00:08:27,044 --> 00:08:28,830 Definitely get my good side, right here. 177 00:08:29,143 --> 00:08:30,390 Oh, I'm being censored! 178 00:08:30,515 --> 00:08:31,645 I'm being censored! 179 00:08:31,770 --> 00:08:33,767 Anyway, there's coffee and scotch in the corner. 180 00:08:33,892 --> 00:08:36,328 Screw the hackers and long live Greendale! 181 00:08:41,976 --> 00:08:44,554 All right, I'll see you guys at sound check in the cafeteria tomorrow. 182 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,519 And there is a good chance that we are going to be targeted, so 183 00:08:47,644 --> 00:08:49,413 nobody gets on the internet tonight. 184 00:08:49,538 --> 00:08:51,811 - What do we say? - No peeking at the leaking. 185 00:08:51,977 --> 00:08:53,146 Promise, promise, promise? 186 00:08:53,312 --> 00:08:54,313 Okay. 187 00:08:56,097 --> 00:08:56,905 Jeff. 188 00:08:57,030 --> 00:08:57,834 Mm. 189 00:08:57,959 --> 00:08:59,972 Thank you for backing me up, a little. 190 00:09:00,097 --> 00:09:02,328 Well, you turned into the path of least resistance. 191 00:09:02,453 --> 00:09:05,191 Deflect all you want, but you're putting your ass one the line for an ideal. 192 00:09:05,316 --> 00:09:07,702 Well, maybe a fraction of a butt cheek on the line. 193 00:09:07,868 --> 00:09:10,836 It's not like I used that stupid Greendale email for anything 194 00:09:10,961 --> 00:09:13,448 but porn subscriptions and improv show mailing lists. 195 00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:17,225 What makes you think it's only your Greendale email they'll be leaking? 196 00:09:17,503 --> 00:09:19,839 Because they hacked Greendale. 197 00:09:20,005 --> 00:09:21,382 Do you have a computer in your office? 198 00:09:21,548 --> 00:09:22,467 Yes. 199 00:09:22,633 --> 00:09:24,552 Do you check your emails on that computer? 200 00:09:24,718 --> 00:09:25,845 Uh-huh. 201 00:09:26,011 --> 00:09:27,639 You look at boobies on it? 202 00:09:28,494 --> 00:09:30,058 One time. 203 00:09:30,224 --> 00:09:31,843 They got it. 204 00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:34,194 They got everything. 205 00:09:36,021 --> 00:09:37,804 It's Vietnam now, baby. 206 00:09:37,929 --> 00:09:39,762 It's Vietnam! 207 00:09:45,036 --> 00:09:47,098 Anyways, like I said, thanks. 208 00:10:11,719 --> 00:10:12,850 Hello. 209 00:10:13,016 --> 00:10:14,310 Hello. 210 00:10:24,733 --> 00:10:25,655 Girls. 211 00:10:25,821 --> 00:10:27,740 - Frankie. - Francesca. 212 00:10:27,906 --> 00:10:30,577 Word around school is our emails have been leaked. 213 00:10:30,984 --> 00:10:31,953 Is that so? 214 00:10:32,119 --> 00:10:34,080 Oh, the first you've heard of it? 215 00:10:34,246 --> 00:10:36,082 I guess I heard some rumblings. 216 00:10:36,248 --> 00:10:37,584 Hm, rumblings. 217 00:10:37,750 --> 00:10:39,377 Hm. Hm. 218 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:47,338 Hello, Jeff. 219 00:10:47,463 --> 00:10:48,790 Hello, Jeff. 220 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,862 Jeff Winger. 221 00:10:51,138 --> 00:10:52,139 Annie. 222 00:10:52,459 --> 00:10:53,460 Britta. 223 00:10:54,222 --> 00:10:55,268 Frankie. 224 00:11:04,095 --> 00:11:05,653 I hear the hackers leaked our emails. 225 00:11:05,819 --> 00:11:07,614 Yeah. Something like that. 226 00:11:08,453 --> 00:11:09,824 Should we help set up chairs? 227 00:11:09,990 --> 00:11:11,059 Sure. 228 00:11:21,213 --> 00:11:25,472 Something was wrong with that one. 229 00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:28,097 Bad chair. 230 00:11:29,545 --> 00:11:30,872 Hi, how's everybody doing? 231 00:11:30,997 --> 00:11:32,305 I asked a damn question. 232 00:11:32,471 --> 00:11:33,473 Fine. 233 00:11:33,639 --> 00:11:34,474 New look. 234 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:35,957 I'm glad you like it. 235 00:11:36,082 --> 00:11:39,395 I'd hate to think my wardrobe wasn't passing muster with this group. 236 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:43,024 So here I am in a brand new outfit with an up-to-the-minute shirt. 237 00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:43,929 Okay. 238 00:11:44,054 --> 00:11:46,209 I'm not usually the best at non-verbal cues, so I have to ask, 239 00:11:46,334 --> 00:11:48,821 is it possible that everyone here but me read all of each other's leaked emails? 240 00:11:48,987 --> 00:11:50,657 - No. Absolutely not. - It's possible. 241 00:11:52,023 --> 00:11:53,294 I read it all. 242 00:11:53,419 --> 00:11:54,994 I read all your crap. 243 00:11:56,396 --> 00:12:00,513 I have read everything you guys have ever wrote about me in an email. 244 00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:04,420 And you guys are the worst people in the world. 245 00:12:04,586 --> 00:12:05,947 Screw you guys. 246 00:12:06,072 --> 00:12:07,048 Not cool. 247 00:12:07,214 --> 00:12:09,509 Mean, mean, mean. 248 00:12:09,675 --> 00:12:11,552 - Point it at me and I will eat it! - What? 249 00:12:11,718 --> 00:12:13,638 I will bite your little finger off and I will eat it! 250 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,846 Then, let's see you type more descriptions 251 00:12:15,971 --> 00:12:18,434 of my Houseguest-era Sinbad wardrobe. 252 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:19,553 Ah-ha. 253 00:12:19,678 --> 00:12:23,245 That's a direct quote from a really mean email I wrote about him. 254 00:12:23,370 --> 00:12:25,024 So now who's the bad guy? 255 00:12:25,190 --> 00:12:26,429 How much of the leak did each of you read? 256 00:12:26,554 --> 00:12:27,485 I have a right to fit in! 257 00:12:27,651 --> 00:12:28,477 Okay, stop it! 258 00:12:28,602 --> 00:12:30,459 Why don't we all just admit that we... 259 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:31,849 I'm not admitting it. 260 00:12:31,974 --> 00:12:34,324 - Come on. - Oh, Annie, get over it. 261 00:12:34,644 --> 00:12:38,705 You had my blood tested for amphetamines? 262 00:12:38,871 --> 00:12:41,335 You were extra jumpy last spring. 263 00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:43,325 We had to double check to be safe. 264 00:12:43,450 --> 00:12:46,925 I don't think I'm jumpy enough if my friends can steal my blood. 265 00:12:47,212 --> 00:12:48,506 Oh, you gave it to us. 266 00:12:49,439 --> 00:12:50,883 For that human genome project? 267 00:12:51,049 --> 00:12:52,632 We only used half of it for that. 268 00:12:52,757 --> 00:12:54,053 By the way, you're one percent Neanderthal. 269 00:12:54,219 --> 00:12:55,179 Ew. 270 00:12:55,345 --> 00:12:57,765 How can you judge anyone, light switch licker? 271 00:12:58,260 --> 00:12:59,434 Like this, ew. 272 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,719 You guys hear that sound? 273 00:13:02,227 --> 00:13:04,497 That is the sound of the hackers winning. 274 00:13:04,622 --> 00:13:08,585 Our school's out there right now, pawing through our dirty laundry, 275 00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:11,320 laughing at us, waiting to see what we're gonna do, 276 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:16,499 waiting to see who wins in the battle between terror and cool. 277 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:18,870 We got to be cool, man. 278 00:13:20,662 --> 00:13:22,039 We got to be cool. 279 00:13:25,751 --> 00:13:27,375 And set up for a show. 280 00:13:30,072 --> 00:13:33,236 Abed, if you wouldn't mind please checking the sound system. 281 00:13:33,361 --> 00:13:34,218 No problem. 282 00:13:34,384 --> 00:13:36,036 Unless you're too busy telling your girlfriend 283 00:13:36,161 --> 00:13:37,305 I don't understand Donnie Darko. 284 00:13:37,471 --> 00:13:38,264 Annie. 285 00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:39,431 I'm cool. 286 00:13:40,098 --> 00:13:41,601 I'll set up the box office. 287 00:13:43,717 --> 00:13:48,027 Oh, or will me opening a box office unfairly influence wagers 288 00:13:48,152 --> 00:13:51,694 in your betting pool about my sexual preference? 289 00:13:52,111 --> 00:13:55,156 We saw this one coming, and we are so sorry. 290 00:13:55,322 --> 00:13:56,213 Oh, that cuts it. 291 00:13:56,338 --> 00:13:58,725 The word sorry fills that crater right to the brim, yeah. 292 00:13:58,850 --> 00:13:59,702 Oh, boo hoo. 293 00:14:01,169 --> 00:14:03,595 Your friends are curious about your night life. 294 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,041 We kept it among friends. 295 00:14:05,290 --> 00:14:09,445 You told human resources I was a functional alcoholic. 296 00:14:09,570 --> 00:14:12,395 I am required to file a report on every teacher, and 297 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,842 if you throw another tantrum I will revise yours. 298 00:14:15,370 --> 00:14:17,285 To what? Non-lethal murderer? 299 00:14:17,410 --> 00:14:19,445 Armless javelin thrower? 300 00:14:19,570 --> 00:14:22,295 What in your unqualified, buzzword-bloated, 301 00:14:22,420 --> 00:14:26,312 little red school house of a brain is a functional alcoholic? 302 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,815 What in your brain is a chapstick lesbian? 303 00:14:28,981 --> 00:14:31,526 To me, 300 bucks. Unless you care to refute it. 304 00:14:31,845 --> 00:14:36,735 My sexuality is of zero concern to my job and to everyone here. 305 00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:40,325 I swear, if you people were trapped on a tiger-infested island 306 00:14:40,450 --> 00:14:45,122 with no food or water, you would judge every ship that came to save you. 307 00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:48,000 How does the tigers survive without food or water? 308 00:14:48,166 --> 00:14:50,114 Oh, it's not cute, Annie. 309 00:14:50,239 --> 00:14:51,820 And I read your entry in the pool. 310 00:14:51,945 --> 00:14:55,282 Was your goal to win or just be disgusting? 311 00:14:55,407 --> 00:14:57,493 I had to pick last. 312 00:14:57,759 --> 00:15:00,899 Yeah, well, we all read about ourselves in your weirdly long, 313 00:15:01,024 --> 00:15:04,955 melodramatic emails to your sister, who you might notice never responds. 314 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,155 Take a hint. 315 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,281 She's dead. 316 00:15:10,856 --> 00:15:15,345 I pretend to write her emails as a journaling device. 317 00:15:15,470 --> 00:15:18,529 You wretched, evasive little gremlin. 318 00:15:18,822 --> 00:15:22,076 Okay, why don't we just call that rock bottom. 319 00:15:22,242 --> 00:15:23,692 Check one, check two. 320 00:15:23,817 --> 00:15:25,788 Check one, check two. 321 00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:30,224 Well, well, well, it looks like Jeff Winger auto-paid his car insurance and 322 00:15:30,349 --> 00:15:32,587 Annie's book club has a meeting tomorrow. 323 00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:36,173 Where do you guys find the bad stuff? 324 00:15:37,165 --> 00:15:40,647 Maybe, maybe what we all need to do here is have everyone in the room 325 00:15:40,772 --> 00:15:43,315 address and own one thing that they know is out there. 326 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,225 No blame, no shame. Just an explanation. 327 00:15:46,391 --> 00:15:47,516 I'll start. 328 00:15:47,641 --> 00:15:50,005 Now, I'm sure by now, you've all seen the emails between me and 329 00:15:50,130 --> 00:15:52,023 the Patterson family of Herndon, Virginia. 330 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:53,505 Not me. No. 331 00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:56,867 I received their first letter as part of a family email chain, 332 00:15:56,992 --> 00:15:58,029 Christmas of 2007. 333 00:15:58,195 --> 00:15:59,530 I don't think you owe us. 334 00:15:59,696 --> 00:16:02,585 Although, I, I didn't understand why they'd written me. 335 00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:04,305 I responded politely. 336 00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:07,140 When I realized they had somehow mistaken me for their cousin. 337 00:16:07,265 --> 00:16:10,755 For some reason, I suppose it was loneliness, 338 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,252 I simply failed to disabuse them of that notion. 339 00:16:13,418 --> 00:16:14,495 Well, that's... 340 00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:18,388 I've come to love Barb and George, and Gelson and Roselle. 341 00:16:18,513 --> 00:16:21,427 And even Uncle Paul with all his flaws. 342 00:16:21,932 --> 00:16:25,369 And even though our relationship is based on a lie, for me it's. 343 00:16:28,372 --> 00:16:29,894 One of the realest, I'll ever know. 344 00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:31,187 Mm. 345 00:16:33,355 --> 00:16:35,983 I hope you don't think by explaining that, you're off the hook for 346 00:16:36,108 --> 00:16:40,446 the 3D models you've been making of our bodies without our permission. 347 00:16:40,886 --> 00:16:43,366 That's what those photos were for? 348 00:16:43,532 --> 00:16:45,660 I'm making a game about lady time travelers. 349 00:16:46,128 --> 00:16:47,678 Where in your pants? 350 00:16:48,043 --> 00:16:49,455 That's pretty creepy, Elroy. 351 00:16:49,621 --> 00:16:51,600 Oh, you guys are so suave. 352 00:16:51,989 --> 00:16:53,589 You're such gentlemen. 353 00:16:54,019 --> 00:16:56,845 You and Chang have a daily email chain ranking Annie and 354 00:16:56,970 --> 00:16:58,089 Britta one and two. 355 00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:02,301 By which you mean, Chang emails me rankings every day and I don't respond. 356 00:17:02,467 --> 00:17:06,244 Except for February 7th, 2013. 357 00:17:06,369 --> 00:17:08,455 Chang, Britta is one, Annie is two. 358 00:17:08,580 --> 00:17:10,666 Jeff, ha, yeah. 359 00:17:10,791 --> 00:17:12,668 Jeff, gross. 360 00:17:12,793 --> 00:17:17,316 And Britta, way to instantly memorize the exact date of your big victory. 361 00:17:17,482 --> 00:17:20,403 Hé, silver and gold, ladies, ain't no losers there. 362 00:17:20,842 --> 00:17:22,905 Okay, I think we're losing sight of what's important. 363 00:17:23,071 --> 00:17:25,085 Says the woman suing her father for $80. 364 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,485 Tell it to your fake family. 365 00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:30,913 Have you made any creepy boob models of Jezel yet? 366 00:17:31,079 --> 00:17:32,665 Jezel is like a daughter to me. 367 00:17:32,831 --> 00:17:36,377 But arguably more like a daughter to her parents. 368 00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:39,005 Didn't you have your own family? 369 00:17:39,171 --> 00:17:40,946 Oh, go write an astronaut. 370 00:17:41,381 --> 00:17:44,480 Oh, did anyone see Jeff's letters? He writes to astronauts. 371 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:45,720 Talk about creepy. 372 00:17:45,886 --> 00:17:47,054 They're national heroes! 373 00:17:47,220 --> 00:17:49,015 Yes, they are! Leave them alone. 374 00:17:49,181 --> 00:17:50,516 Ooh, this I gotta see. 375 00:17:50,682 --> 00:17:52,217 You know, what I don't want to see? 376 00:17:52,342 --> 00:17:53,987 Your exchanges with your life coach 377 00:17:54,112 --> 00:17:55,855 about the study group when we were dating. 378 00:17:56,021 --> 00:17:59,525 Oh, and by the way, clearly, not a life coach, and absolutely, 379 00:17:59,650 --> 00:18:02,987 just an Italian sociopath you met at a dispensary. 380 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:04,822 You two dated? 381 00:18:04,988 --> 00:18:07,533 - This was a study group? - Yeah, Chang was our teacher. 382 00:18:07,699 --> 00:18:08,495 What? 383 00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:12,534 That's right, and frankly, haven't been well utilized since. 384 00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:19,610 Dear Reid Wiseman, congratulations on your successful return to Earth... 385 00:18:19,735 --> 00:18:20,753 Ladies. 386 00:18:21,296 --> 00:18:22,220 Video games. 387 00:18:22,345 --> 00:18:23,988 Do you have any more advice? 388 00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:29,798 Dear new ensemble, I love you more than my dad. 389 00:18:32,432 --> 00:18:33,433 What! 390 00:18:35,542 --> 00:18:37,313 This is Gupta Gupti Gupta. 391 00:18:37,479 --> 00:18:39,318 Yeah, hi. Fine, whatever. 392 00:18:39,443 --> 00:18:40,566 Congratulations. 393 00:18:40,881 --> 00:18:41,988 You guys okay? 394 00:18:42,442 --> 00:18:43,851 To tell you the truth, Gupta Gupti, 395 00:18:43,976 --> 00:18:45,279 we've been through a bit of a rough patch. 396 00:18:45,445 --> 00:18:48,929 Yeah, the dean was telling me about it and I've been reading about it. 397 00:18:49,241 --> 00:18:50,868 Hope you were entertained. 398 00:18:51,141 --> 00:18:53,621 To be honest, I'm really grateful. 399 00:18:55,895 --> 00:18:59,482 This is the first school in six months that hasn't canceled, so thanks. 400 00:19:02,254 --> 00:19:04,069 I'm gonna go get ready. 401 00:19:08,866 --> 00:19:11,013 We really did the right thing didn't we? 402 00:19:11,179 --> 00:19:11,983 Yeah. 403 00:19:12,108 --> 00:19:14,054 It doesn't matter what we read in the leaks or 404 00:19:14,179 --> 00:19:15,935 what we said to each other tonight. 405 00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:18,715 What matters is that right now here on this campus, 406 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,064 the people are in charge. 407 00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:21,675 Not the hackers. 408 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:25,042 Not the media, not the cops, the people. 409 00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:26,445 Abed, go put on some music. 410 00:19:26,812 --> 00:19:28,781 Elroy, Jeff, put out some more chairs. 411 00:19:28,947 --> 00:19:31,054 Annie get ready to introduce our star. 412 00:19:31,179 --> 00:19:33,160 Chang, go talk to yourself in the corner. 413 00:19:33,326 --> 00:19:35,176 Frankie, let the people in. 414 00:19:47,115 --> 00:19:47,950 Hé. 415 00:19:48,075 --> 00:19:49,076 Hi. 416 00:20:01,045 --> 00:20:02,173 Hé. Hé, Neil. 417 00:20:02,298 --> 00:20:03,398 Hé. 418 00:20:04,275 --> 00:20:05,845 That's the whole audience? 419 00:20:05,970 --> 00:20:07,270 I... 420 00:20:07,632 --> 00:20:09,189 I can't do a show for one person. 421 00:20:09,814 --> 00:20:11,699 Well, you kinda have to. 422 00:20:11,865 --> 00:20:13,367 But I'd rather not. 423 00:20:13,533 --> 00:20:14,820 Well, you have to, jackass, 424 00:20:14,945 --> 00:20:17,288 because there's more at stake here than what you'd rather do. 425 00:20:21,158 --> 00:20:23,175 Oh, God. 426 00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:25,699 There's a new message from the hackers. Everyone, quiet down! 427 00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:27,140 Abed, cut the music. 428 00:20:28,249 --> 00:20:31,010 People of Greendale, your activities committee has defied our demands, and 429 00:20:31,270 --> 00:20:34,221 the horrible racist comedian is still about to perform. 430 00:20:34,387 --> 00:20:36,011 Yeah, that's right. We beat you. 431 00:20:36,136 --> 00:20:38,091 If this performance goes on as scheduled, 432 00:20:38,216 --> 00:20:40,503 all of your information will be published. 433 00:20:40,769 --> 00:20:42,728 If you do not want this to happen, 434 00:20:43,146 --> 00:20:45,590 you will find a way to stop this performance. 435 00:20:48,401 --> 00:20:49,361 Whoa! Stop, stop, hey! 436 00:20:49,527 --> 00:20:50,554 Sit down, Neil! 437 00:20:50,679 --> 00:20:54,432 You can stop me, but you can't stop the people from stopping this show. 438 00:20:54,741 --> 00:20:56,441 Shhhh. 439 00:20:57,919 --> 00:21:01,219 You hear that? 440 00:21:03,541 --> 00:21:04,756 My God! 441 00:21:04,881 --> 00:21:06,879 It's the people coming to stop the show. 442 00:21:07,783 --> 00:21:08,964 Now what do we do? 443 00:21:09,130 --> 00:21:10,292 We have to stop the people. 444 00:21:10,417 --> 00:21:12,234 Their freedom of speech depends on it. 445 00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:13,719 Frankie, Chang, bar the doors. 446 00:21:13,885 --> 00:21:15,513 Annie, introduce him, quick! 447 00:21:25,271 --> 00:21:26,431 I don't wanna do this. 448 00:21:27,065 --> 00:21:30,275 Listen, you piece of crap, we've been to hell and back for you. 449 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,780 Get up there and do your stupid act for freedom. 450 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:34,740 Okay, okay. 451 00:21:34,906 --> 00:21:38,935 Ladies and gentlemen, he's performed at colleges and clubs all over. 452 00:21:39,327 --> 00:21:40,395 Gupta Gupti Gupta! 453 00:21:43,857 --> 00:21:45,612 Hé, y'all. 454 00:21:45,737 --> 00:21:49,171 Look, I see there's a lot of Jews in the crowd. 455 00:21:49,337 --> 00:21:53,259 I mean, you know, there isn't, but usually when I do my act, there's more. 456 00:21:53,784 --> 00:21:56,120 But, you know, I have a whole Jew thing. 457 00:21:56,245 --> 00:21:57,945 Do it! 458 00:21:58,206 --> 00:21:59,290 Okay, okay. 459 00:21:59,415 --> 00:22:00,474 Who is this guy? 460 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:01,809 Stop performing! 461 00:22:01,975 --> 00:22:03,408 Do not stop performing! 462 00:22:04,758 --> 00:22:06,039 Okay, this guy. 463 00:22:06,164 --> 00:22:08,205 Look at him. It looks like he ate so much. 464 00:22:08,330 --> 00:22:09,233 He's very fat. 465 00:22:09,399 --> 00:22:10,401 Don't do this to me. 466 00:22:10,567 --> 00:22:11,681 Shut up and listen. 467 00:22:11,806 --> 00:22:15,275 I see that you're fat, but are you also black or Jewish? 468 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,045 You know, it's hard to be fat when you're black or 469 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:22,165 Jewish because when you're black, your community steals all your food, so 470 00:22:22,290 --> 00:22:24,295 you can't eat as much. 471 00:22:24,420 --> 00:22:27,485 And when you're Jewish, nobody ever buys anything, 472 00:22:27,610 --> 00:22:31,572 so you can't eat as much. 473 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,033 You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. 474 00:22:38,745 --> 00:22:40,373 Oh, dear God. 475 00:22:40,498 --> 00:22:42,208 The bastards did it. 476 00:22:42,333 --> 00:22:44,683 They leaked the entire school's data. 477 00:22:55,345 --> 00:22:56,418 Oh, okay. 478 00:22:56,543 --> 00:22:58,057 So hey, fat guy in the audience. 479 00:22:58,182 --> 00:23:02,435 Have you found anyone else you could love, like another fat person? 480 00:23:02,952 --> 00:23:06,582 Or, are you one of those fat people who will always be alone? 481 00:23:16,196 --> 00:23:20,012 Hé, Leonard, you enjoy my girlfriend in 2009? 482 00:23:20,178 --> 00:23:23,766 As much as she enjoyed your plagiarized poetry. 483 00:23:24,139 --> 00:23:26,173 I will kill you. 484 00:23:26,298 --> 00:23:27,845 Don't act like you care about me. 485 00:23:27,970 --> 00:23:30,376 I've seen all of your cartoons about me. 486 00:23:30,501 --> 00:23:33,000 I am this school's worst nightmare! 487 00:23:33,125 --> 00:23:34,126 I am a. 488 00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:42,880 Man, it's like Road Warrior out there, 489 00:23:43,005 --> 00:23:46,372 but if petrol were privacy and bad teeth were dirty secrets. 490 00:23:46,538 --> 00:23:48,358 Good news! Neil's talking to us again. 491 00:23:48,483 --> 00:23:50,624 He says he respects our moral position, but not our execution. 492 00:23:50,749 --> 00:23:52,211 Also, he says he's never talking to us again. 493 00:23:52,377 --> 00:23:54,641 I don't see how we can bounce back from this one. 494 00:23:54,766 --> 00:23:56,131 - This one? - Yeah. 495 00:23:56,297 --> 00:23:58,681 If you follow a theme of revealed secrets, the email hack is the third 496 00:23:58,806 --> 00:24:00,926 installment of a trilogy that began with Annie losing a pen, 497 00:24:01,051 --> 00:24:02,554 in what I've come to call the Golden Age. 498 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:05,494 I'm guessing the second chapter would be when your best friend vanished on 499 00:24:05,619 --> 00:24:08,310 a mysterious boat trip after the older one masturbated himself to death? 500 00:24:08,644 --> 00:24:09,645 Yeah. 501 00:24:09,811 --> 00:24:12,689 If that's one you guys bounced back from, we might be okay. 502 00:24:12,855 --> 00:24:14,258 What's the lesson here? 503 00:24:14,383 --> 00:24:17,175 I always wanna make sure I know what the lesson is. 504 00:24:17,300 --> 00:24:18,612 I'm a completist. 505 00:24:18,778 --> 00:24:20,495 The rest of the school's in shambles, 506 00:24:20,620 --> 00:24:23,283 so maybe we're more evolved and forgiving than them. 507 00:24:23,449 --> 00:24:24,493 We already know that, stupid. 508 00:24:25,302 --> 00:24:28,115 I feel more desensitized to jokes about Jews and blacks. 509 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,624 - Is that good? - Say what? 510 00:24:30,790 --> 00:24:32,394 We know the pieces of our privacy, freedom of speech, 511 00:24:32,519 --> 00:24:33,460 terrorism, and government. 512 00:24:33,626 --> 00:24:35,339 So, the lesson is probably an ironic pairing, 513 00:24:35,464 --> 00:24:36,755 like one man's privacy is another man's freedom. 514 00:24:36,921 --> 00:24:38,215 Government is terrorism. 515 00:24:38,381 --> 00:24:40,676 The only free speech is private speech. 516 00:24:41,049 --> 00:24:44,261 À free government terrorizes privacy. 517 00:24:44,386 --> 00:24:46,014 That's all four, bitches. 518 00:24:46,180 --> 00:24:49,475 Terror is terrorized by... 519 00:24:49,642 --> 00:24:51,180 Terry the terrorist? 520 00:24:51,305 --> 00:24:55,772 Tarry not, for terrorism terrifies. 521 00:24:55,897 --> 00:24:57,108 Government. 522 00:24:57,233 --> 00:24:58,817 Speech. 523 00:24:58,942 --> 00:25:00,154 Government. 524 00:25:04,662 --> 00:25:06,123 We caught the hacker. 525 00:25:06,248 --> 00:25:10,231 This is Ryan, AKA StringCheeseHustler, AKA Fartmitzvah, 526 00:25:10,356 --> 00:25:14,250 Skullandboners88, Frozensucked, Captaintitty. 527 00:25:14,375 --> 00:25:16,098 You don't need to know all his names. 528 00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:17,877 He lives across the street from the campus, 529 00:25:18,002 --> 00:25:19,810 and he's got something he wants to say. 530 00:25:20,756 --> 00:25:21,806 Don't you? 531 00:25:22,112 --> 00:25:23,760 - I'm sorry. - For what? 532 00:25:23,926 --> 00:25:27,055 For guessing your school master password was changeme. 533 00:25:27,221 --> 00:25:28,222 Oops. 534 00:25:29,599 --> 00:25:31,695 How do you sleep at night, Warburton? 535 00:25:31,820 --> 00:25:33,270 You were one of us. 536 00:25:33,577 --> 00:25:34,480 You were free. 537 00:25:34,646 --> 00:25:36,975 No one's free when they're one of anything. 538 00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:41,265 And to answer your question, I sleep alone with one eye open. 539 00:25:41,390 --> 00:25:45,037 That's why I'm not the one in cuffs. 540 00:25:45,162 --> 00:25:49,291 Let's go, Fartmitzvah. 541 00:25:49,416 --> 00:25:50,954 Crime doesn't pay. 542 00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:53,624 Crime doesn't pay. 543 00:25:53,790 --> 00:25:55,042 Crime doesn't pay. 544 00:26:07,769 --> 00:26:09,278 I'm sorry if I used photography 545 00:26:09,403 --> 00:26:11,850 to digitally approximate some of your naked bodies. 546 00:26:12,498 --> 00:26:13,519 It's all right. 547 00:26:14,024 --> 00:26:15,233 It is? No! 548 00:26:23,382 --> 00:26:24,196 Anything? 549 00:26:24,452 --> 00:26:26,775 Same as yesterday. 550 00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:29,925 Big cloud of data raining over a pasture. 551 00:26:30,050 --> 00:26:31,885 All 8 billion sheep keep grazing. 552 00:26:32,328 --> 00:26:35,428 Is that good? 553 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:37,859 Sure. 554 00:26:38,150 --> 00:26:41,213 The thing you said back there about not being a part of anything. 555 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,506 Is that really how you feel? 556 00:26:43,631 --> 00:26:46,095 It's not a question of how I feel. 557 00:26:46,220 --> 00:26:47,565 I feel like flying. 558 00:26:47,690 --> 00:26:49,096 I don't jump off buildings. 559 00:26:51,189 --> 00:26:52,979 Do you believe in God, Warburton? 560 00:26:54,350 --> 00:26:56,895 You know, there's no rule that says we have to be friends, right? 561 00:26:57,061 --> 00:26:59,106 How about common courtesy? Familiar with that rule? 562 00:26:59,474 --> 00:27:02,644 The words common and courtesy have opposite values. 563 00:27:02,769 --> 00:27:05,870 Common courtesy is just gibberish, hocus pocus, 564 00:27:05,995 --> 00:27:08,848 a spell we cast when hoping to cheat reality. 565 00:27:09,903 --> 00:27:11,473 You're a cynical son of a bitch. 566 00:27:11,598 --> 00:27:12,983 I'll give you that. 567 00:27:13,108 --> 00:27:16,248 You know, my wife, she makes these dream catchers. 568 00:27:16,414 --> 00:27:18,005 Shut the hell up. 569 00:27:18,130 --> 00:27:20,127 How fast can you get us to the mainframe hardline? 570 00:27:20,293 --> 00:27:21,793 Yankee Doodle Dandy! 571 00:27:26,806 --> 00:27:30,214 Resync for WEB-DL by Kyros www.addic7ed.com