1 00:00:00,717 --> 00:00:03,551 At 60% less fat and 20% less price, 2 00:00:03,553 --> 00:00:07,555 the only thing Kolb Family's Family Pack Ham Packs 3 00:00:07,557 --> 00:00:10,625 don't have less of is flavor. 4 00:00:10,627 --> 00:00:11,960 Ham, girl! 5 00:00:11,962 --> 00:00:14,596 Family Pack Ham Packs from Kolb Family Farms, 6 00:00:14,598 --> 00:00:16,598 the family that's pleased to "meat" you. 7 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,033 Ham, girl! 8 00:00:18,035 --> 00:00:21,302 You don't know his name, but you know what he says 9 00:00:21,304 --> 00:00:23,838 and you love how he says it. 10 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:25,173 Ham, girl! 11 00:00:25,175 --> 00:00:28,043 Ham, girl! 12 00:00:30,514 --> 00:00:33,548 So, who is the man who started it all? 13 00:00:33,550 --> 00:00:36,818 Ben Chang, and we have him here with us today. 14 00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:39,287 You are the "ham, girl!" guy. 15 00:00:40,057 --> 00:00:42,057 Yes, I am the "ham, girl" guy. 16 00:00:42,059 --> 00:00:42,857 How did this happen? 17 00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:46,294 Well, I just kept auditioning, you know, kept working hard. 18 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,329 And now, Spielberg is calling. 19 00:00:48,331 --> 00:00:49,698 Not... 20 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:53,768 You know, I don't go by phone calls. I go by contracts. 21 00:00:53,770 --> 00:00:56,004 But Spielberg is interested in you 22 00:00:56,006 --> 00:00:58,840 for The Color Blue in the new Play-Doh movie. 23 00:00:58,842 --> 00:01:01,342 Is that right? Well, maybe, you know, maybe, 24 00:01:01,344 --> 00:01:04,512 but like I always say, you know, 25 00:01:04,514 --> 00:01:05,413 life is a roller coaster. 26 00:01:05,415 --> 00:01:08,883 You were a teacher at a community college in Colorado. 27 00:01:08,885 --> 00:01:10,552 Did you just, one day in class, say, 28 00:01:10,554 --> 00:01:12,287 "Class dismissed. I'm headed to Hollywood"? 29 00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:15,323 I mean, how did your students react to that? 30 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,759 Well, you know, I haven't spoken to them really. 31 00:01:17,761 --> 00:01:21,429 I... there's not much for me back there. 32 00:01:21,431 --> 00:01:22,097 No friends? 33 00:01:22,099 --> 00:01:24,799 Uh, you know, I was kind of a loner. 34 00:01:25,769 --> 00:01:27,368 People, you know, made fun of me for it, 35 00:01:27,370 --> 00:01:29,337 but, you know, I just kept my head down 36 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,638 and stayed focused on my work. 37 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,875 Well, they're not making fun of you now, are they? 38 00:01:33,877 --> 00:01:35,176 No, they are not. 39 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,611 Can I get a "ham, girl"? 40 00:01:36,613 --> 00:01:38,847 Ham, girl! 41 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,348 You know, I don't know if that was a good one. 42 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:43,017 And there it is, ladies and gentlemen. 43 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:46,788 From community college to something a little bit better. 44 00:01:46,790 --> 00:01:49,357 Turn it off. Ben Chang is on a rocketship 45 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,092 to eternal validation. 46 00:01:51,094 --> 00:01:52,160 Turn it off. 47 00:01:52,162 --> 00:01:55,029 Thanks so much for... 48 00:01:56,500 --> 00:02:00,735 Well, it's been three weeks. I'm having his car towed. 49 00:02:33,036 --> 00:02:33,768 Here you go. 50 00:02:33,770 --> 00:02:35,970 To Chang. May your success be brief 51 00:02:35,972 --> 00:02:38,106 and your colds last months. 52 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:38,907 Jeff. 53 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:39,841 Hey, you get out of Greendale 54 00:02:39,843 --> 00:02:41,543 or you get me in your corner. You don't get both. 55 00:02:41,545 --> 00:02:42,510 Ham, girl. Mmm. 56 00:02:42,512 --> 00:02:45,480 Who would've predicted Chang becoming famous? 57 00:02:45,482 --> 00:02:46,347 Technically, I did, remember? 58 00:02:46,349 --> 00:02:49,384 Only I thought it would be for... Eating someone. 59 00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:49,951 Yeah. 60 00:02:49,953 --> 00:02:52,587 You think that Spielberg stuff is really happening? 61 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:53,621 How could that happen? 62 00:02:53,623 --> 00:02:57,258 That would mean the world was insane. 63 00:02:58,195 --> 00:02:59,627 Ham, girl. 64 00:02:59,629 --> 00:03:02,897 Not to be crass, but there is an upside to this, 65 00:03:02,899 --> 00:03:03,498 financially. 66 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:07,068 Chang's absence lowers our insurance premiums 6%. 67 00:03:07,070 --> 00:03:10,071 There's nothing but upsides to him leaving. 68 00:03:10,073 --> 00:03:11,940 I think we all just feel a little short-changed. 69 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:15,109 We invested so much in him when no one else would. 70 00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:16,878 Because we all assumed he was so insane 71 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:18,913 he would die if we kicked him out. 72 00:03:18,915 --> 00:03:20,748 And this whole time, it turns out 73 00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:24,586 we were holding him back. We thought he was bedrock, 74 00:03:24,588 --> 00:03:26,588 but it turns out he was the ceiling 75 00:03:26,590 --> 00:03:28,156 of a cavern filled with us. 76 00:03:28,158 --> 00:03:30,325 I've already forgotten his name. 77 00:03:30,327 --> 00:03:33,428 Did you ever really know his name? 78 00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:34,729 The Chinese fellow, right? 79 00:03:34,731 --> 00:03:36,264 Whose name was some kind of noise? 80 00:03:36,266 --> 00:03:37,465 Um, Clang? Blang? Meringue? 81 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:39,434 Looks like I'm the only one that's not glad he's gone. 82 00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,769 At least I can finally clear some space on my hard drive. 83 00:03:41,771 --> 00:03:42,770 Oh, Leonard's been in there for a while, 84 00:03:42,772 --> 00:03:46,841 but I can stand guard if you want to use the women's room. 85 00:03:46,843 --> 00:03:48,209 No, I mean, I was shooting a movie with Chang 86 00:03:48,211 --> 00:03:50,211 before he booked "ham, girl." Oh. 87 00:03:50,213 --> 00:03:54,148 I haven't heard from since, so I assume the footage is useless. 88 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,884 Did he sign a release form? Sure. 89 00:03:55,886 --> 00:03:58,486 I make all my actors sign releases before we do anything. 90 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,054 You never know who is going to... 91 00:04:00,056 --> 00:04:04,425 The school owns a movie starring the "ham, girl" guy. 92 00:04:04,427 --> 00:04:07,629 Soon to be Spielberg's "ham, girl" guy. 93 00:04:08,131 --> 00:04:09,430 There's no way to finish it though. 94 00:04:09,432 --> 00:04:11,666 Okay, Abed, what have I told you about quitting? 95 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:14,602 That it's sometimes the only way to survive. 96 00:04:15,305 --> 00:04:15,770 Well... 97 00:04:15,772 --> 00:04:19,240 Don't forget I said "sometimes." 98 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,643 Yolanda, the mayor's up my ass. 99 00:04:21,645 --> 00:04:25,546 I want justice. Get him in here! 100 00:04:27,450 --> 00:04:29,183 Is that right? Should I be angry? 101 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,218 The film's hero is Police Justice. 102 00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:32,320 I had a real-life former cop help me with the dialog. 103 00:04:32,322 --> 00:04:34,055 I'm gonna punch you in the heart! 104 00:04:34,057 --> 00:04:35,757 Real-life former cops aren't great with dialog. 105 00:04:35,759 --> 00:04:38,393 I don't think police should be heroes. 106 00:04:38,395 --> 00:04:39,494 Britta, pay your rent. 107 00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:41,896 Sorry, Abed. Okay, I need more information. 108 00:04:41,898 --> 00:04:42,997 You know, what's my motivation? 109 00:04:42,999 --> 00:04:45,833 Am I married? I need more to go on. 110 00:04:45,835 --> 00:04:47,001 Can we get lunch? Okay, cut. 111 00:04:47,003 --> 00:04:49,370 That's about all we got. Chang found out the McRib was back 112 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,972 and we lost the rest of the day. 113 00:04:50,974 --> 00:04:52,707 Great actor, huge McRib problem. 114 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,275 Everybody, 115 00:04:54,277 --> 00:04:57,979 this is my friend I told you about, Maury. 116 00:04:57,981 --> 00:04:59,914 He's a genuine Hollywood film producer 117 00:04:59,916 --> 00:05:01,649 whose doctor ordered him to live in Colorado 118 00:05:01,651 --> 00:05:03,851 due to a medical condition. Tell them what you told me. 119 00:05:03,853 --> 00:05:05,486 Yeah, my blood nitrogen levels are through the roof. 120 00:05:05,488 --> 00:05:08,623 Most of the time, I ca... Oh, no, no, the other thing. 121 00:05:08,625 --> 00:05:09,257 Oh, right. 122 00:05:09,259 --> 00:05:11,125 If you can cut together an 81 minute movie 123 00:05:11,127 --> 00:05:12,894 that arguably stars the "ham, girl" guy, 124 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:15,563 I can guarantee distribution and a fast turnaround deal. 125 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,832 People do it all the time with old footage 126 00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:18,833 from recently famous actors. 127 00:05:18,835 --> 00:05:22,370 Have you seen Vin Diesel in 1996's Happy Pants? 128 00:05:22,372 --> 00:05:23,404 No. Yeah, I have. 129 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,806 Well, neither has Vin Diesel, 130 00:05:24,808 --> 00:05:28,309 but his roommate from film school saw 500 grand. 131 00:05:28,311 --> 00:05:30,011 But I can't just burn up my cop drama. 132 00:05:30,013 --> 00:05:31,980 It's my only chance at the mainstream success I need 133 00:05:31,982 --> 00:05:33,881 before I'm allowed to make weird stuff for money. 134 00:05:33,883 --> 00:05:35,550 It's my American Graffiti, my Alpha Man, 135 00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:37,185 my Four Rooms, the Robert Rodriguez segment. 136 00:05:37,187 --> 00:05:40,021 Well, why does it have to be a police movie? 137 00:05:40,023 --> 00:05:41,155 People don't even like police now. 138 00:05:41,157 --> 00:05:42,557 They like dinosaurs, they like aliens, 139 00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:45,026 and anything else that Chris Pratt can join forces with. 140 00:05:45,028 --> 00:05:47,261 I have three minutes of footage, and he's clearly 141 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,997 a police chief behind a desk in New York. 142 00:05:48,999 --> 00:05:50,531 Is he? Or is it Space York? 143 00:05:50,533 --> 00:05:51,532 Or is it a dinosaur desk? 144 00:05:51,534 --> 00:05:53,801 How do I know? Just add some CG. 145 00:05:53,803 --> 00:05:54,769 That's what they do with Chris Pratt. 146 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:58,639 They put him in a regular scene and then they add some gagoos. 147 00:05:58,641 --> 00:06:01,042 I have a few CG models of some gagoos. 148 00:06:01,044 --> 00:06:03,144 I got fired from a mouthwash commercial, 149 00:06:03,146 --> 00:06:05,413 but I successfully won back the rights 150 00:06:05,415 --> 00:06:07,115 to my gingivitis monster. 151 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,952 Also, I don't know if it helps, but when I moved into my RV, 152 00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,620 I found this. 153 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,822 Now, you notice anything strange? 154 00:06:15,492 --> 00:06:17,692 There's no green 3 in billiards. 155 00:06:17,694 --> 00:06:20,128 Now, there's a green 6 and a green 14, 156 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:20,895 but never a green 3. 157 00:06:20,897 --> 00:06:27,268 So, what sport is this from? And why was it in my RV? 158 00:06:29,506 --> 00:06:32,473 Anyway, I can do some CG for the movie. 159 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,142 You'll need a Chris Pratt type. 160 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,743 I'll do it if I have to. I can slouch. 161 00:06:35,745 --> 00:06:37,512 I can't believe you guys are the ones pitching me this 162 00:06:37,514 --> 00:06:39,680 and I can't believe I'm saying no. 163 00:06:39,682 --> 00:06:41,182 You're not saying no. 164 00:06:41,184 --> 00:06:42,984 I mean, legally I can't force you, 165 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,485 but I can do a morning announcement 166 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:45,753 that'll make everyone hate you forever. 167 00:06:45,755 --> 00:06:48,790 Technically, Abed, you would be robbing the school 168 00:06:48,792 --> 00:06:52,060 for $1/2 million by not making this movie. 169 00:06:52,062 --> 00:06:53,027 But what movie? 170 00:06:53,029 --> 00:06:53,928 Have you not been listening? 171 00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:55,430 The movie about the "ham, girl" guy 172 00:06:55,432 --> 00:06:58,366 in his space office fighting some gagoos 173 00:06:58,368 --> 00:06:59,233 led by a Chris Pratt type 174 00:06:59,235 --> 00:07:02,003 played by Jeffery without his shirt. 175 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,404 It shoots this weekend. 176 00:07:03,406 --> 00:07:04,338 Yeah. 177 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:06,674 Okay, but I get final cut and it has to be a good movie. 178 00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:09,477 Agreed, but you have to finish that cut by Monday, 179 00:07:09,479 --> 00:07:10,511 even if it's bad. I agree to that, 180 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,813 but it has to be good by my standards. 181 00:07:11,815 --> 00:07:14,115 Absolutely, and also, if it's terrible, 182 00:07:14,117 --> 00:07:15,583 nobody will notice or care. 183 00:07:15,585 --> 00:07:16,617 And you guys are all gonna help me? 184 00:07:16,619 --> 00:07:17,985 And we're gonna make a good movie? 185 00:07:17,987 --> 00:07:20,555 Definitely, or a bad one. Probably a bad one. 186 00:07:20,557 --> 00:07:22,323 I think we're all on the same page. 187 00:07:22,325 --> 00:07:23,925 I guess so. 188 00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:27,261 So, let's crap out this piece of crap. 189 00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:29,230 That attitude concerns me. 190 00:07:35,338 --> 00:07:38,439 I need more information. 191 00:07:41,811 --> 00:07:44,512 What's my motivation? 192 00:07:45,650 --> 00:07:51,724 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 193 00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:56,824 I need more to go on. 194 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,826 My name is Chief-Starr! 195 00:07:58,828 --> 00:08:01,462 And I'm in the stars! 196 00:08:01,464 --> 00:08:03,097 And I'm the hero. 197 00:08:03,099 --> 00:08:05,566 I deserve better. 198 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:09,370 You're a very gifted pilot, Chief Starr. 199 00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:14,642 I'm the Mayor of Outer Space. Why are we changing course? 200 00:08:14,644 --> 00:08:15,977 The Mayor's up my ass! 201 00:08:15,979 --> 00:08:18,579 Father, I love him! 202 00:08:21,651 --> 00:08:22,683 What in the space? 203 00:08:22,685 --> 00:08:26,120 Yooba dooba dooba! We're under attack! 204 00:08:26,122 --> 00:08:28,222 By whom, GlipGlop? 205 00:08:28,291 --> 00:08:29,123 Okay, cut. 206 00:08:29,125 --> 00:08:30,358 Why are we cutting? 207 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,460 Well, that felt good to me. Moving on? 208 00:08:32,462 --> 00:08:33,461 Just a couple adjustments. 209 00:08:33,463 --> 00:08:34,829 You get two. 210 00:08:34,831 --> 00:08:36,664 You guys need to move when the ship gets hit. 211 00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:37,865 It looks weird when you stand still, 212 00:08:37,867 --> 00:08:39,634 and, Britta, it sounds weird when you use good grammar. 213 00:08:39,636 --> 00:08:42,036 My character can't have good grammar? 214 00:08:42,038 --> 00:08:42,670 Not in a space battle. 215 00:08:42,672 --> 00:08:44,939 Because everything else we're saying sounds really natural, 216 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:46,574 like I'm a space senator. Space Mayor. 217 00:08:46,576 --> 00:08:49,110 I'm matching your dialog to what I have from Chang. 218 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:49,744 What are my lines? 219 00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,479 You don't have any lines. You're the backup Chang. 220 00:08:51,481 --> 00:08:52,280 But we have Chang's footage. 221 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,714 This shot from that angle matches the back 222 00:08:53,716 --> 00:08:55,650 of Chang's shot. Chang is Chief Starr. 223 00:08:55,652 --> 00:08:56,651 He's the pilot of a spaceship. 224 00:08:56,653 --> 00:08:57,685 Britta, you're Princess Meridian. 225 00:08:57,687 --> 00:08:59,220 Brittana. Okay. Jeff is her father, 226 00:08:59,222 --> 00:09:01,756 the Mayor of Space, and you guys are under attack. 227 00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:03,391 Action. 228 00:09:04,661 --> 00:09:05,927 What in the space? 229 00:09:05,929 --> 00:09:08,930 Yooba dooba dooba! We're under attack! 230 00:09:08,932 --> 00:09:11,299 Okay, cut. Where you guys seeing GlipGlop? 231 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,334 You said GlipGlop was a tennis ball. 232 00:09:13,336 --> 00:09:14,368 But Garrett's not GlipGlop? 233 00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:16,704 If I was GlipGlop, why would I be holding 234 00:09:16,706 --> 00:09:18,239 a tennis ball on a stick? 235 00:09:18,241 --> 00:09:19,106 Why am I wearing a blouse? 236 00:09:19,108 --> 00:09:20,675 It's sci-fi. It doesn't matter. 237 00:09:20,677 --> 00:09:23,711 Please don't say that. I know you don't mean that. 238 00:09:23,713 --> 00:09:24,478 The tennis ball is GlipGlop 239 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,048 and please stumble in the same direction. 240 00:09:27,050 --> 00:09:28,749 Go! Action! Bang! 241 00:09:29,919 --> 00:09:31,118 What in space? 242 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,888 Gooba Gooba Gooba! We're under attack! 243 00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:38,059 Who by? Who attack? Me princess. 244 00:09:38,061 --> 00:09:40,061 The Sporborfians! 245 00:09:44,534 --> 00:09:45,700 Okay. 246 00:09:45,702 --> 00:09:48,035 I'm ready. Are you ready? 247 00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:52,640 Are we rolling? 248 00:09:53,543 --> 00:09:54,609 Are we rolling? 249 00:09:54,611 --> 00:09:56,444 We're rolling-a! 250 00:10:05,421 --> 00:10:07,388 Get to the escape pods. 251 00:10:07,390 --> 00:10:08,990 For real? You picked that outfit? 252 00:10:08,992 --> 00:10:11,626 Britta! I... It's Meridian. Keep going. 253 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,294 Insane. And what is your name, 254 00:10:13,296 --> 00:10:16,731 Exploitia? Scorpio Nine. 255 00:10:16,733 --> 00:10:18,432 I'm a pleasure droid. 256 00:10:18,434 --> 00:10:20,034 No. I'm an assassin? 257 00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,469 You're both. Keep going. She was a pleasure droid. 258 00:10:21,471 --> 00:10:24,405 She got turned into an assassin. She's my other daughter. 259 00:10:24,407 --> 00:10:26,140 That's your sister. 260 00:10:26,142 --> 00:10:28,476 Get to the escape pods! 261 00:10:28,478 --> 00:10:31,178 And then we go! This way. 262 00:10:32,181 --> 00:10:34,682 Check on Chief Starr, Jeff. 263 00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,951 Chief Starr? What? 264 00:10:36,953 --> 00:10:39,220 I'll see you in hell. 265 00:10:39,355 --> 00:10:39,787 What? 266 00:10:39,789 --> 00:10:43,424 Mayor, your ass is grass! 267 00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:45,993 Okay, cut. 268 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,699 There are some things that we could... 269 00:10:51,701 --> 00:10:53,968 Okay, moving on, people! 270 00:10:56,105 --> 00:10:56,937 Okay, moving on! 271 00:10:56,939 --> 00:10:59,740 Next shot... Space station faculty lounge. 272 00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,108 Thank you. Abed, 273 00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:02,910 we need to move a little faster, I think. 274 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,412 Can I just explain something as a filmmaker? 275 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,713 I wish you wouldn't. I wish you would look 276 00:11:05,715 --> 00:11:07,581 at what I was wearing and let that be 277 00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:09,050 all the explanation you need 278 00:11:09,052 --> 00:11:10,251 about where our standards should be. 279 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:12,953 But do you understand that sci-fi films aren't usually 280 00:11:12,955 --> 00:11:13,721 improvised over a weekend 281 00:11:13,723 --> 00:11:15,956 with a cast and crew that doesn't care? 282 00:11:15,958 --> 00:11:18,526 We care about finishing, 283 00:11:18,528 --> 00:11:19,593 and this has to be finished by Monday, 284 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,763 so you back into a level of quality from there. 285 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:25,966 Let me use a metaphor I can understand. 286 00:11:25,968 --> 00:11:27,201 Every day, I work out. 287 00:11:27,203 --> 00:11:27,935 Really? Yes, 288 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,437 because I'm not an artist like you, 289 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:32,440 but this is a kind of canvas. 290 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:33,374 I work on it with equipment, 291 00:11:33,376 --> 00:11:36,577 but I will never really be done. Could be if you wanted. 292 00:11:36,579 --> 00:11:39,213 I mean, you're fine... This will never be done. 293 00:11:39,215 --> 00:11:40,514 Chris Pratt's never gonna stop, is he? 294 00:11:40,516 --> 00:11:41,849 He'll always be out there mocking me. 295 00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:45,386 So I can never stop, just like you'll never stop 296 00:11:45,388 --> 00:11:46,253 making movies. 297 00:11:46,255 --> 00:11:49,223 But I don't stay on one treadmill my entire life 298 00:11:49,225 --> 00:11:52,059 staring at commercials for movies with Chris Pratt. 299 00:11:52,061 --> 00:11:54,662 I take my work into the world. 300 00:11:54,664 --> 00:11:56,430 I "premier" it. 301 00:11:56,432 --> 00:11:58,099 I share with the public. 302 00:11:58,101 --> 00:11:59,900 Don't stay in the gym, Abed. 303 00:11:59,902 --> 00:12:02,103 Get this session done, get out there, 304 00:12:02,105 --> 00:12:04,105 and get your shirt off. Got it? 305 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:05,840 Yes? 306 00:12:05,842 --> 00:12:07,308 Yes. 307 00:12:09,445 --> 00:12:12,279 I'm ready. Let's do this. 308 00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:35,803 I understand you're looking for your friend. 309 00:12:35,805 --> 00:12:38,105 Yeah. I'm Minotaur Man. 310 00:12:38,107 --> 00:12:40,608 What? Friends are hard to come by 311 00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:44,712 in space. You'd better take this... 312 00:12:45,782 --> 00:12:47,548 For protection. 313 00:12:50,153 --> 00:12:52,219 The sound you hear coming from that gun I gave you 314 00:12:52,221 --> 00:12:56,223 is 40,000 hyper watts of laser. 315 00:12:56,926 --> 00:12:58,959 Oh, don't... Don't worry about that. 316 00:12:58,961 --> 00:12:59,693 I can put that back. 317 00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:03,130 Sometimes my eye falls off because I'm a robot. 318 00:13:03,132 --> 00:13:05,699 Ahh! Watch out! 319 00:13:06,169 --> 00:13:07,868 Ahh! 320 00:13:17,847 --> 00:13:18,946 How about this bar? 321 00:13:18,948 --> 00:13:23,017 Everyone here is so accustomed to violence. 322 00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:25,619 I need... I need to know... 323 00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:27,354 Where your friends are? Yeah. 324 00:13:27,356 --> 00:13:28,889 I'm sorry, but you're not gonna like this. 325 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:32,526 Your friends have been taken prisoner by Master... 326 00:13:32,528 --> 00:13:36,130 Master... Dracula. 327 00:13:43,706 --> 00:13:48,175 Wild West, baby, space version of the Wild West. 328 00:13:50,379 --> 00:13:52,446 Cut. 329 00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:55,649 Okay. 330 00:13:55,651 --> 00:13:57,151 My eye fell off. 331 00:13:57,153 --> 00:13:58,953 But I covered. 332 00:14:09,465 --> 00:14:10,798 Perfect, moving on. Hallway! 333 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,200 Yes! 334 00:14:19,141 --> 00:14:20,074 Ooh, take that! 335 00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:22,309 A yooba dooba! 336 00:14:22,311 --> 00:14:24,612 This is crazy. 337 00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:27,014 Here, let me do this. 338 00:14:27,016 --> 00:14:27,748 What are you doing? 339 00:14:27,750 --> 00:14:31,285 You make everything harder for all women when you do that. 340 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,786 I'm improvising! 341 00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,088 Improvise pockets! 342 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:37,458 Pay your rent or shut up! 343 00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:43,030 Laser bomb! 344 00:14:54,043 --> 00:14:57,912 Yooba dooba dooba! GlipGlop like! 345 00:14:58,014 --> 00:14:58,879 Yooba dooba dooba. 346 00:14:58,881 --> 00:15:01,348 Yooba dooba dooba. Yooba dooba dooba. 347 00:15:04,287 --> 00:15:07,688 So the robot also says "Yooba dooba"? 348 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,223 I'm not complaining. It's just that everyone 349 00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:12,159 who's not a person is saying "Yooba dooba." 350 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,628 Maybe it's because I'm a spy! 351 00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:17,231 He's a spy! 352 00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:19,166 I'm an evil spy! 353 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,901 Shoot GlipGlop! He's a spy! 354 00:15:20,903 --> 00:15:23,137 Ahh! 355 00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,738 GlipGlop's a spy? 356 00:15:24,740 --> 00:15:27,007 We went with it. 357 00:15:27,577 --> 00:15:28,909 Okay. Shot. Shot. 358 00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:31,612 Okay, now that... Now that's he's dead, 359 00:15:31,614 --> 00:15:35,816 and there's one robot left, let's go through the thing! 360 00:15:35,818 --> 00:15:36,283 Go. 361 00:15:36,285 --> 00:15:39,453 Yooba dooba dooba. Yooba dooba dooba. 362 00:15:39,455 --> 00:15:41,855 Yooba dooba dooba. 363 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:46,193 Whoa! Ahh! 364 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:49,396 Argh. 365 00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:54,868 Space garbage. 366 00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:56,003 Look! 367 00:15:56,005 --> 00:15:58,739 Oh, we're gonna get crushed. Ahh! 368 00:15:58,741 --> 00:16:01,542 And is there a monster? 369 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,244 Ahh. 370 00:16:04,246 --> 00:16:07,114 But so what? We're gonna get crushed. 371 00:16:08,317 --> 00:16:10,417 Uh... I love you? 372 00:16:10,419 --> 00:16:11,251 I love you. 373 00:16:11,253 --> 00:16:13,420 That's your daughter. You're my daughter. 374 00:16:13,422 --> 00:16:16,590 Yeah, you said we were sisters, dumb-ass. 375 00:16:16,592 --> 00:16:17,257 That's hot. 376 00:16:17,259 --> 00:16:20,060 It's like "Chinatown" in space. Oh. 377 00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:25,933 And I'm the hero? 378 00:16:25,935 --> 00:16:27,301 Yay! 379 00:16:27,303 --> 00:16:28,235 Let's do this. 380 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:31,739 Yeah! They're saved! 381 00:16:35,378 --> 00:16:37,378 I feel the Force. 382 00:16:37,380 --> 00:16:38,078 What? 383 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,348 I don't feel the Force. I'm not allowed to. 384 00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:43,884 What do I feel? 385 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,254 I feel Dracula Force. 386 00:16:48,157 --> 00:16:50,758 I feel Dracula signals. 387 00:16:52,395 --> 00:16:54,662 Your ass is mine! 388 00:16:56,799 --> 00:16:59,900 That last stunt you pulled put six of my best guys 389 00:16:59,902 --> 00:17:01,669 in the hospital, maniac. 390 00:17:01,671 --> 00:17:04,304 I'm more than a maniac. 391 00:17:04,974 --> 00:17:06,940 I'm Dracula. 392 00:17:21,190 --> 00:17:22,589 Jesus Chr... Jesus Christ! 393 00:17:22,591 --> 00:17:26,393 Oh, my God! Jesus Christ, they shot him! 394 00:17:27,697 --> 00:17:28,929 Who am I? 395 00:17:28,931 --> 00:17:29,897 What's my motivation? 396 00:17:29,899 --> 00:17:35,169 Why am I doing or saying anything I'm saying or doing? 397 00:17:35,171 --> 00:17:36,136 I need more... 398 00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:39,173 I need more than what I'm getting. 399 00:17:55,958 --> 00:17:57,357 Oh! It's incredible! Oh. 400 00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:59,493 It's incredible! Congratulations! 401 00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,261 Oh, how long is it? 402 00:18:01,263 --> 00:18:02,830 Uh, 87 minutes. 403 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,665 Get it to 8-1. That means 81. 404 00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,334 I'll make some calls, we'll premier this thing, 405 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,336 and we'll get your school a check. 406 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,105 Whoa! 407 00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,376 So, which six minutes should we cut? 408 00:18:16,378 --> 00:18:17,344 Hoo. Uh... 409 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,079 Jeff's death scene probably, right? 410 00:18:19,081 --> 00:18:19,780 Oh. Yeah. 411 00:18:19,782 --> 00:18:22,382 Mine? Yeah, in the space dungeon? There's no Chang in that. 412 00:18:22,384 --> 00:18:23,751 How long is Jeff's death scene? 413 00:18:23,753 --> 00:18:27,621 Yeah, how long is it? We're really zeroing in on it. 414 00:18:28,157 --> 00:18:30,124 Do you think I'm frightened? 415 00:18:30,126 --> 00:18:34,795 These chains were forged from the iron of Ganymede. 416 00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:42,870 I'm not gonna tell you where he is. 417 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,105 I'd rather die. 418 00:18:45,107 --> 00:18:48,142 Mmm, seems pretty important, he doesn't give up Chang. 419 00:18:48,144 --> 00:18:52,713 I mean, otherwise the last thing he says to him is, "I'll see you in hell." 420 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:53,447 Uh... 421 00:18:53,449 --> 00:18:56,049 It's not really a movie about him. 422 00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:58,385 Yeah. Well, what about your steel drum solo? 423 00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,687 Oh. Oh, I don't think we should lose that. 424 00:19:00,689 --> 00:19:02,289 Well, what about the weird wedding ritual 425 00:19:02,291 --> 00:19:03,857 on GlipGlop's planet, huh? 426 00:19:03,859 --> 00:19:05,058 Um, okay, 427 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,361 let's not throw out the baby with the bathwater. 428 00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:08,829 We're not cutting a frame of GlipGlop. 429 00:19:08,831 --> 00:19:11,999 I mean, that's like cutting cowboy out of "Midnight Cowboy." 430 00:19:12,001 --> 00:19:15,502 Jeff's death scene is 6 minutes, 30 seconds. 431 00:19:15,504 --> 00:19:17,137 Oh, perfect. There you go. That's it. 432 00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:18,472 Okay, cool. Easy enough. 433 00:19:18,474 --> 00:19:20,340 Um, should we, before we finish editing, 434 00:19:20,342 --> 00:19:24,244 should we get those hornets out of the garbage? 435 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,680 The swarming hornets? 436 00:19:26,849 --> 00:19:28,582 Oh! 437 00:19:30,553 --> 00:19:33,687 Is that serious? Is he doing a bit? 438 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,190 That's a long bit. 439 00:19:36,192 --> 00:19:37,424 Oh, he's serious. 440 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:38,792 I mean, let's face it. 441 00:19:38,794 --> 00:19:40,561 It's pretty obvious when he's acting. 442 00:19:40,563 --> 00:19:42,196 Oh... 443 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:46,533 Let's do this. 444 00:19:46,535 --> 00:19:47,701 Yo, yo, yo. Howdy. 445 00:19:47,703 --> 00:19:50,771 Welcome to Kyle Beiderman's editing tutorials. 446 00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:54,174 I'm Kyle Beiderman. Yeah, that Kyle Beiderman. 447 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:56,310 Leave me alone, Abed. 448 00:19:56,312 --> 00:19:58,512 Once I watch this tutorial on how editing works, 449 00:19:58,514 --> 00:20:02,683 I'm gonna save this movie without removing its soul. 450 00:20:03,018 --> 00:20:05,652 Step one, how to correctly label your files. 451 00:20:05,654 --> 00:20:08,455 No, no, who cares about labeling files? 452 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,224 Teach me to edit. 453 00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:14,294 What the hell was that? 454 00:20:16,265 --> 00:20:18,098 You stay away. This is my movie too! 455 00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:19,766 It's not even a movie, Jeff. It's a piece of crap. 456 00:20:19,768 --> 00:20:21,501 That doesn't mean it can't be good. 457 00:20:21,503 --> 00:20:22,970 It's basically exactly what it means. 458 00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,239 You stay away, Abed. I'm not kidding. 459 00:20:25,241 --> 00:20:28,308 I'm huge and I have zero blood sugar. 460 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,943 I will kill you in these Frisbees 461 00:20:29,945 --> 00:20:31,745 and nobody will ever find you! 462 00:20:31,747 --> 00:20:35,249 Okay, so now let's get familiar with the user interface. 463 00:20:35,251 --> 00:20:37,451 No! Just teach me to edit! 464 00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:39,152 Bazinga! 465 00:20:39,421 --> 00:20:41,455 Ahh! 466 00:20:41,690 --> 00:20:44,958 Ahh! I'm going to kill you! 467 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,995 You're killing me! I told you! 468 00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:50,130 No, I mean you're literally killing me. 469 00:20:50,132 --> 00:20:52,099 For real? Yes. 470 00:20:56,772 --> 00:20:59,806 Are you nuts? What is wrong with you? 471 00:20:59,808 --> 00:21:03,944 Every single one of you is gonna leave here except for me. 472 00:21:03,946 --> 00:21:07,681 Troy, Shirley, Annie's gonna be president. 473 00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:09,683 Even Pierce got to die. 474 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,385 If Chang goes to Hollywood, 475 00:21:11,387 --> 00:21:14,388 so we force you to make the crappiest movie of all time, 476 00:21:14,390 --> 00:21:16,056 and then we force you to make it even crappier 477 00:21:16,058 --> 00:21:17,758 and we watch it and it's still not even that bad. 478 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,127 And the part I accidentally got the most excited about 479 00:21:20,129 --> 00:21:22,329 is the seven minutes we can cut. 480 00:21:22,331 --> 00:21:23,497 Do you know what that means? 481 00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:25,666 It means I'm a genius, but we already knew that. 482 00:21:25,668 --> 00:21:27,668 I finally know in my heart 483 00:21:27,670 --> 00:21:31,071 that I will literally be the last one of us here. 484 00:21:31,073 --> 00:21:34,508 And I know they gave digital muscles to Chris Pratt 485 00:21:34,510 --> 00:21:35,676 in Guardians of The Galaxy. 486 00:21:35,678 --> 00:21:37,077 I watched Parks and Rec. I watched it. 487 00:21:37,079 --> 00:21:39,613 Hmm. There's no scientific explanation for how... 488 00:21:39,615 --> 00:21:41,114 Jeff. 489 00:21:43,018 --> 00:21:45,152 You helped me learn something about filmmaking today 490 00:21:45,154 --> 00:21:46,586 that I think we all need to apply to life. 491 00:21:46,588 --> 00:21:48,288 It's okay to plan some stuff and it's okay 492 00:21:48,290 --> 00:21:49,556 to figure out what we did wrong, 493 00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,325 but our plans are randomly gonna fall apart 494 00:21:51,327 --> 00:21:52,859 and our lessons are randomly gonna be wrong, 495 00:21:52,861 --> 00:21:54,995 and if we just keep the cameras rolling and shoot a lot of crap, 496 00:21:54,997 --> 00:21:57,798 eventually, Annie is going to reach down her shirt 497 00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,833 and pull out a laser bomb. 498 00:22:00,369 --> 00:22:01,802 I didn't write that. 499 00:22:01,804 --> 00:22:03,870 We didn't plan that. 500 00:22:03,872 --> 00:22:06,073 God made that happen. 501 00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:08,508 God made this movie. 502 00:22:08,811 --> 00:22:10,143 And it's dumb. 503 00:22:10,145 --> 00:22:11,912 And we're dumb for being in it. 504 00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:14,414 Life is a big, dumb, pointless movie with no story 505 00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:16,249 and an abrupt ending where the hero gets shot by Dracula 506 00:22:16,251 --> 00:22:19,619 in the middle of a lunch order during an outtake, 507 00:22:19,621 --> 00:22:22,189 but somewhere in there, every once in a while... 508 00:22:22,191 --> 00:22:24,925 Annie reaches down her shirt. 509 00:22:32,501 --> 00:22:34,401 So we keep the cameras rolling. 510 00:22:34,403 --> 00:22:36,136 And we edit out the parts we don't like, 511 00:22:36,138 --> 00:22:37,738 and we stop thinking about Chris Pratt so much 512 00:22:37,740 --> 00:22:39,806 because it is not healthy. 513 00:22:48,751 --> 00:22:49,416 Will you do me a favor? 514 00:22:49,418 --> 00:22:51,651 I never tell anybody about our private conversations. 515 00:22:51,653 --> 00:22:52,586 I wouldn't really know how. 516 00:22:52,588 --> 00:22:55,822 Let's cut my stupid scene out of this piece of crap. 517 00:22:56,959 --> 00:22:59,192 But then won't we need to add 30 seconds? 518 00:22:59,194 --> 00:23:01,428 I have an idea about that. 519 00:23:01,430 --> 00:23:03,397 Who am I? 520 00:23:03,399 --> 00:23:04,231 What's my motivation? 521 00:23:04,233 --> 00:23:09,202 Why am I doing or saying anything I'm saying or doing? 522 00:23:09,204 --> 00:23:10,237 I need more... 523 00:23:10,239 --> 00:23:13,240 I need more than what I'm getting. 524 00:23:19,281 --> 00:23:21,782 Hello, Chief Starr. 525 00:23:24,353 --> 00:23:27,120 I told you I'd see you in hell. 526 00:23:28,357 --> 00:23:30,724 And look who else is here. 527 00:23:30,726 --> 00:23:32,259 Yooba dooba dooba! 528 00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:47,040 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 529 00:23:47,042 --> 00:23:49,543 Oh, great job, you guys, on the new ending. 530 00:23:49,545 --> 00:23:53,480 I like that the guy actually saw him in hell. 531 00:23:53,482 --> 00:23:55,449 Right? 532 00:23:55,451 --> 00:23:57,451 Whoa, whoa. Hold on, phone call, 533 00:23:57,453 --> 00:23:59,953 from the distributor. 534 00:23:59,955 --> 00:24:02,823 Get ready for a big check. 535 00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:04,257 Yellow? 536 00:24:04,259 --> 00:24:06,827 Wait. Calm down. 537 00:24:06,829 --> 00:24:08,862 What's Chapter 11? 538 00:24:09,164 --> 00:24:11,298 Wait, what's YouTube? 539 00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:13,266 Wait, what's broadband? 540 00:24:13,368 --> 00:24:13,900 What's digital? 541 00:24:13,902 --> 00:24:15,435 I don't have a good feeling about that call. 542 00:24:15,437 --> 00:24:19,039 I don't have a good feeling about Chang staying bankable. 543 00:24:19,041 --> 00:24:20,140 Did you guys see this new story? 544 00:24:20,142 --> 00:24:21,575 I'll never look at a hot air balloon 545 00:24:21,577 --> 00:24:25,712 in the same way again or James Franco's ball. 546 00:24:27,983 --> 00:24:31,017 I'll tell you what I do have a good feeling about. 547 00:24:31,019 --> 00:24:32,719 Bring it in. Aww. 548 00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:34,454 Come here, guys. Aww. 549 00:24:35,591 --> 00:24:39,426 Do to thing. Dooba. Dooba. Dooba. 550 00:24:39,428 --> 00:24:40,794 Dooba. Dooba. Dooba. 551 00:24:40,796 --> 00:24:43,363 All right, one more for safety, Ben. 552 00:24:43,365 --> 00:24:44,498 What do you mean, "One more for safety"? 553 00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:48,702 I just don't know if we got the line, "Hold on, Slinky." 554 00:24:48,704 --> 00:24:49,536 Let's move on. 555 00:24:49,538 --> 00:24:52,472 I think, can we get one more? 556 00:24:52,474 --> 00:24:54,241 You got it. Come on. 557 00:24:54,243 --> 00:24:56,143 Hold on, Slinky! Let's go. 558 00:24:56,145 --> 00:25:00,046 I think it was fine, but Steven's kind of a stickler. 559 00:25:00,048 --> 00:25:02,249 Tell Steven Spielberg to lick my butt. 560 00:25:02,251 --> 00:25:05,685 Well, he's right here, so... 561 00:25:07,089 --> 00:25:10,624 Hey, Steven... Spielberg. 562 00:25:11,326 --> 00:25:13,560 Can you give us a sec? 563 00:25:13,562 --> 00:25:14,961 Yes. 564 00:25:24,306 --> 00:25:25,605 Ben? Yup? 565 00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:27,674 So, I guess we're good for today. 566 00:25:27,676 --> 00:25:29,676 Great job. You were right. 567 00:25:29,678 --> 00:25:30,443 We got everything we need, 568 00:25:30,445 --> 00:25:33,113 and there's a small door in the back. 569 00:25:33,115 --> 00:25:36,249 Back of the booth there, that will take you, 570 00:25:36,251 --> 00:25:39,920 you know, outside, and we'll talk soon. 571 00:25:39,922 --> 00:25:41,688 I don't go the way I came? 572 00:25:41,690 --> 00:25:42,455 You do not. 573 00:25:42,457 --> 00:25:43,990 There's a little door back there. 574 00:25:43,992 --> 00:25:48,461 And it goes right on out. Thank you so much. 575 00:25:48,830 --> 00:25:50,297 Okay. 576 00:25:53,135 --> 00:25:54,668 Okay. 577 00:26:09,184 --> 00:26:13,019 Okay, Randall, are you ready? Yup. 578 00:26:15,624 --> 00:26:17,524 Which brings us to the issue 579 00:26:17,526 --> 00:26:19,826 of our cosmetology department, 580 00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:22,495 who, once again, find themselves... 581 00:26:40,415 --> 00:26:41,014 Who, once again, 582 00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:43,083 find themselves nearing the end of the semester 583 00:26:43,085 --> 00:26:47,320 without any free haircut volunteers. 584 00:26:55,063 --> 00:26:59,933 That may be due to last semester's lice scare. 585 00:26:59,935 --> 00:27:02,002 Totally. Yep. 586 00:27:04,239 --> 00:27:07,574 Maybe if we put up a sign, "No lice." 587 00:27:07,576 --> 00:27:08,708 Something like that. 588 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:10,243 That would open you up to lawsuits. 589 00:27:10,245 --> 00:27:13,113 Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls 590 00:27:13,115 --> 00:27:16,449 have to be guarded by men with hair clippers. 591 00:27:19,588 --> 00:27:21,721 Pink Floyd. Ugh. 592 00:27:21,723 --> 00:27:22,756 You're the worst. 593 00:27:22,758 --> 00:27:24,157 What? Oh, she is the worst. 594 00:27:24,159 --> 00:27:25,659 Terrible. I can't believe she said that. 595 00:27:25,661 --> 00:27:27,694 Have you seen any movies? Any one movie? 596 00:27:27,696 --> 00:27:29,663 Unrelated thought. We're all enjoying... 597 00:27:29,665 --> 00:27:31,097 Britta's the worst! 598 00:27:40,955 --> 00:27:50,955 Do you want subtitles for any video?