- We're very sorry for your loss. - Thank you.
Well, let me start, please.
Floyd Smernitch held a life insurance policy we've discovered.
And it pays out to you, 1,100,000.
- Can you speak up, please? - I'm sorry?
Can you speak up? No one can hear you.
- There was a policy. - Okay.
- Payable to you. - Okay.
And… you had stated previously, you stated to Detective Plumb
that you knew nothing about this policy.
I knew of no such policy. No. No way, Jose. I mean…
we had to prioritize our expenses,
and a life insurance plan would not have been a priority for us
at that time. No way, Jose.
So, the fact that, indeed, Floyd Smernitch's life was insured,
as the state learned this morning, that's been a surprise to you?
Totally. I mean, I'm like, "Oh my God, what?"
You know, like, "Oh, what?"
- Floyd Smernitch never discussed it? - No.
No, I would not have been on board with that.
- No way, Jose. - "No way, Jose"?
Yeah, that was the thing that Floyd and I used to say to each other.
Like a cute thing, you know?
Like, he would say, "Can we get a new TV?" And I would say, "No way, Jose."
You know? Or like, "Can we get that martial arts pay-per-view show?"
And I would say, "No way, Jose."
It was just like my cute way of saying that there was not gonna be a discussion
because of our priorities, which were…
mortgage, and school expenses, and household-ish expenses,
and medications, and groceries, okay, and stuff.
And then there wasn't really any money after that.
It's like I was trying to get us out of debt,
but it was, like, fucking impossible. Come on, you know? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, it's effing impossible. I'm sorry if I used the wrong word there.
Just that… It's just effing hard to get out from under, you know?
It's like, you know, everybody has some… at first.
And you think, "Oh, well, I'll get a raise or a promotion,
and we'll counterbalance it," you know, like a fresh start, of course. And…
And then they just don't come.
And so then you're left kind of trying to prioritize from then on, and it's…
You just know that you're gonna have to say "no way, Jose"
to a lot of things for the rest of your life.
And a life insurance policy was one of those things for us.
Do you have any secondary mailing addresses
besides your office, Mrs. Love-Smernitch?
Can you speak up, too?
Wow.
Do you have any secondary mailing addresses?
I do not. Thank you.
- Date of birth? - August 1st, 1979.
- Place of birth. - Nerton, Missouri. Thank you.
You ever been convicted of a crime?
Okay, so, I don't have to answer that.
There is a law that says that I don't have to answer that.
Thank you very much.
Maybe you should know more about the laws.
Well, which laws should we learn more about?
Missouri, J-H, 2-6-17, Compliance Y-4.
- And that's the… - That's the one that I'm talking about.
- The one that you should know. - Okay, let me get that.
J-H, 2…
- 6? - Yes.
- 17. Compliance. - Y-4.
Y… Okay, that's what I meant.
Well, that was weird.
- That was weird. - She was weird.
- "Can you speak up?"
- Jeez, I mean, you could hear me fine. - I could totally hear you.
- "Wow." - What?
"Wow!"
- Lots of wows with that lady. - A lot of wows there.
- Oh, that was weird. - It was weird.
Compliance Y-4?
- Here it is. - What's it say?
"Citizens with sealed or expunged convictions
are not compelled to acknowledge their cases."
Fuck me.
- She's got a sealed conviction. - Yeah.
Swearing at surprising moments can help with conversation dominance.
Life Champions concluded.
Congratulations, you are now equipped to make a comprehensive assessment
of where the value is in your surroundings.
Go out and identify the dead weight in your life.
Cut yourself free from it.
Protect yourself and thrive.
Now, plan, execute, master the conditions of your life.
If it was her, how did she get the bike?
I rolled it on a wipeout. I nailed the sprockets.
Yeah, your sprockets are nailed. Were you okay?
Yeah, I took it in the face. I… use my hands for my profession,
so I couldn't break my fall with my hands, so I…
Well, you need a new sprocket set. It's gonna be a couple weeks.
What have you disclosed?
- To them? - Yes.
Various… about… Floyd's penis,
and various…
You know, weight placement sex events, and robot…
Signing up…
Going on sex sites, signing up for them.
And why did you ask for me now?
Because I don't want them to know anything further.
You know, before anything, it's okay.
It's just intimacy's been missing for so long.
Things have been blue around our house for so long.
You know, trying to get to Richard, and failing, mostly,
and with work, debts, and…
stuff.
It just seemed so simple… to me that her being happy being with you.
Happy being with you sometimes.
It was okay with me.
I just…
- I have one question. - Yeah?
You know, lately, Clark, I've been…
I've been kind of worried, like the last couple months,
something funny will happen between you two, between you and Carol,
like at the Quality Garden.
Like a lamp will fall on you guys while you're fucking or something.
Or a cool bird will fly into the room when you're having a quiet moment,
and you guys will be like,
"Oh, my God, look, there's a bird's nest in the closet."
"We never noticed."
And then when we talk about it, I wouldn't really know it.
And…
you know, you could probably tell that I wasn't part of it.
Because sex isn't… It isn't the sex.
What you really share is… just time alone from the world.
And, man, I don't have that.
I kind of just wanna be there with you on the cool side of the curtains.
It would just be once in a while.
Just so I'm really part of it.
I got the…
the Old Friends discount…
at the Quality Garden.
I wanted to reciprocate for all the… for all that you've…
all that you've done for me.
I was in the Old Friends program, the frequent guest program.
- Welcome back. - Oh, thank you very much.
Anyway, I was in the program when I worked for Pressmer Quill Supplies.
Perhaps, does that ring a…
- No. - I sold toner, printer cartridges.
And I thought it might help me feel a little more included.
Like, a little included.
Well, I have been… frequently again.
My wife has been at the Quality Garden frequently again.
- Your family? - Yeah.
Yeah, some of them, some of them. And a friend.
And… maybe we could be retroactive.
Old Friends.
Old Friends for new friends.
This matter concerns the ongoing investigation
of a murder case.
We discovered a bank account that was used to pay
for multiple visits here.
- This Quality Garden Suites? - Yes.
There's a period of reimbursements, several in a series.
Can you explain this?
This would be a retroactive application of a frequent guest discount.
That was an unusual request.
So, yeah, I know what this is. I remember this.
And this man made the request?
No, that man. He made the request.
He would come sometimes on some of those dates
as a member of that party.
He would come with this party?
Yes. And go. They would come and go together sometimes.
In a group of three? Together?
They would come in a group of three, yes. As a…
threesome, if you will.
Threesome.
They all look alike.
Christ.
I'm Donoghue Homer. I'm working with Detective Plumb.
Wonder if I could have a word with her, please?
- Yeah, she's told me a lot about you. - All good I hope, huh?
Come on in.
I never lived in the suburbs. I grew up in Chicago.
I worked Chicago for 26 years, St. Louis for ten.
And I thought this case was gonna be open and shut,
'cause it's the suburbs, it's regular people, it's normal people.
Forrest has a thing with the wife.
Husband gets in the way, husband winds up dead.
Dark, but normal.
But Forrest says he had a thing with the wife, okay,
then he started to have a little feeling for the husband too,
that he would never hurt Floyd.
He's saying that he loved Floyd in some way.
- That's not real normal. - I mean, no one's normal.
It just looks like that from across the street.
Modern Love said that.
Where was the other bike that early morning?
That's why I came here tonight, the other bike.
What other bike?
Forrest said it wasn't him at the pools on that peculiar bicycle.
And it dawned on me, maybe he's telling the truth.
- Because there were two. - He owned two of them.
And we never asked where the other one was that morning.
Wanna take a ride with me over to Forrest's?
Well, he… You know, there's something… that I want to…
I'm kind of embarrassed. I kind of can't say it.
- I wanna say it. - Scratch it on my back.
Like in letters.
- Yeah. - On my back.
- All right. - Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, ready?
- R. - Yeah.
I?
- M? - Yeah.
Rim?
Rim job.
Hey, my man!
Hey, my man! Hey, my man!
Hey, hey, hey!
- He can't hear. - Is he blind?
- Hey, my man! My man! - He can't hear anything.
- Oh, no. - Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- What are they saying? - There's a dance at the hotel.
What is Floyd saying?
He's saying it's on the other side of the hotel.
I think the kid said that his parents dropped him off
in the wrong parking lot.
- He almost walked into the pool. - Yeah.
- Well, Floyd got him. - Yeah.
Wow.
Nothing further.
Why?
Because…
I…
I loved him.
You loved Floyd Smernitch?
Yes. And the rest would hurt him.
The rest of what?
The rest of the story.
It would…
So, your husband purchased two bicycles in the spring.
- Yes. - Specialized. That way.
- And he kept them here? - Yes.
Both?
Well, we have one.
Where's the other one?
- Was it moved? - I haven't seen it here for a while.
I mean, since the bicycle trip with Clark and Floyd.
I think… I actually think Clark said that it was damaged.
- Floyd damaged it. - So, it hasn't been here?
No, it hasn't been here for a very long time.
I really don't know where it is.
- It's been out there all this time. - Yeah.
That could be the bike from that night.
The account that Clark Forrest used to pay Floyd Smernitch's life insurance.
Yeah, Canadian Bank. His mom's account, yeah.
I discovered a series of charges. You're going to think it's unusual.
Well, unusual's becoming pretty usual around here, Detective,
so tell me.
- Floyd Smernitch knew about the affair. - Yeah. But the text,
"You know, what you're doing with Carol is not right, bro."
"I wanna meet and get it figured out, bro."
No. Floyd knew about it. Throughout.
- I think… - You think what?
- I think Floyd liked to watch. - Watch what?
Watch Clark fuck his wife.
- Watch another man… - Yes.
What are you people doing out here?
Make sure you play by the rules.
Okay. A judge.
- No. - No way.
- Okay. Santa Claus? - Nope.
This is the station. I should take this. Can you freeze my sand time?
- How do we freeze it? - Just put it on its side.
If Floyd knew about this affair, was watching this affair,
then what the fuck is this?
- Where should my legs be? - Outside Carol's.
But you've been doing it, like, not where I told you.
- Like, wrong. - Right.
Like, your legs are on the inside? And you should try it.
- It's a different experience. - Okay, cool.
Just some constructive criticism. I hope that's okay.
Yeah.
- Clark. - Yeah?
I wanna talk about being…
DTF with our own wives again.
You know, being down with our own wives, just to get back to that.
You know? Hey.
- You know? Hey. - Yeah.
I have problems getting, like…
you know, full on.
Yeah, you know, I was reading this thing. You know, they were saying that…
sometimes boners, like…
We… You know how… You know what…
You need readers when we're at the age that we are.
You know? It's hard to make out the words. So, they're saying also,
that you can't make out the stimulating sexual details,
like nipples, or whatever,
the same way that you can't make out the words.
Like they're just… They're harder to see, you know.
You just can't see them as well,
so you don't get the same reaction, you know.
You don't… You can't… You don't have the same solid boner going.
Even if she got her hands on the other bike,
how did she get her hands on the Amphezyne?
There's this drug, Amphezyne, to go full on.
- And my doctor can't… - What is it?
It's something that helps you get full on,
but I take massive pills for my curve, and…
Viagra and heart medication,
you can't combo these too much.
It'll stop your heart in the wrong amounts.
So… my doctor won't.
What do you find beautiful?
About?
About Carol.
Can I ask that? You get full on with Carol.
Yeah.
- What do you find beautiful? - Carol's got pretty hands.
- Gotta get your robot pants off. - Up.
She's got a nice voice.
- Do you like that? - Yes.
- How about now? - Also…
- What are these muscles called? - Trapezius.
- Carol's got great trapezius muscles. - Yeah, she does, from the back.
I haven't thought about that…
in a while.
Hey, Clark.
You wanna hear the rest of the story about my dick?
The…
Yeah, the full story with the whole… the curve deal,
and the ordeal with that. The rest of the story.
Yeah, if you feel like telling me…
- Yes. - …the ordeal, yeah.
There was a car event after the news interview.
Floyd, do you consider yourself a hero?
He… I… No, I don't think that's… I don't think that's important.
I think what's important…
is that, like, that guy's nuts, right?
You know, but he probably didn't start out that way.
Like, he probably started out, like he had uncles and pets and stuff.
He probably started out pretty normal.
You know, his parents probably had to come to the heartbreaking realization
that something was probably really wrong with him.
Something they couldn't fix. But they never quit, you know?
They never gave up. They're the heroes. That's… They're the heroes, you know?
That's… No doubt about that. Yeah. All right. I gotta go.
- Thank you. - Okay.
We probably won't use any of that.
- Oh, hey, when's this gonna air? - We don't know yet, and it might not.
Asshole!
- That smashed your dick? - No, it smashed my wrists.
The dick smash happened after that, after the wrist casts.
- That smashed your dick? - No, no.
Now I'm back on my way to the interview, totally protected from the rain.
I'm in a suit that I feel really good in, that Carol got for me,
and I felt loved. Man, I was ready.
And then my life changed forever.
I never went into the Board of Trade that day.
Now, practice the sentence you have created.
What does that mean?
It means, "Giving back is very important." And, "We're all part of a community."
And what about this,
- like, stretching gesture? - Oh, the… "Very."
Isn't that cool?
No, because I can hear, so you can just say it.
I just wanted to show you I was good at it.
- I just learned all that on the train. - You're part of a family, too.
You know, you go to Chicago to get a job in financial trading,
you come home with two broken arms and some dumb-ass plan, Floyd?
How do you say that "every year you don't pay your taxes,
you owe more money"?
They could take our house.
I did… You know, I don't… I didn't learn that much,
so I was just starting to learn it, because I…
You know, for the first time,
I realized what I wanted to do and be in this world.
Unbelievable.
So, what happened to your dick?
That was… That was way after.
Oh, damn. I gotta go, Clark.
- Okay. - Can I ask you something?
How often do you two…
I mean, at home, is that cool?
Me and Eimy?
Not for like…
like ten months. Maybe more than that, a little.
Yeah. Same. Maybe more.
I wanna be full-on on the cool side of the curtains with Carol.
I wanna see those things that you…
talked about, like her hands and stuff.
- Then wear your readers, right? Big deal. - Yeah, maybe.
Get the details?
Okay, I'll wear my readers, but also Amphezyne.
I think I can get back with that.
You know, and get over this ump stuff.
I can be with her the way she remembers when she remembers.
- We had some fun times, you know? - Yeah.
Will you get me this prescription?
- What's it called? - Amphezyne.
And it's dangerous?
No. It's only dangerous in the wrong amounts.
You'd be careful?
Yeah, I'm only gonna take enough to get full on.
- That's not a lot? - No.
No, it's not a lot.
Look, my doctor's just being overly cautious.
You can get it… easily get a prescription
from any doctor.
They give it out for depression.
I just can't get it 'cause I got a weird dick.
- Hey, man. - Hey, bro.
Yeah, I'll do it.
Dude…
you have life insurance now.
Raymond? That's your middle name, huh?
- Yeah, what's yours? - Raymond.
- No way. - Way.
Cosmic.
Way.
- We're still learning about each other. - Way.
Hey, Clark…
I can't hear my heart.
It stopped.
It's gone hush.
Yeah.
- Thanks for listening to all this. - Yeah, of course.
- Yeah. - Hey.
So…
I think I'd like to have that back in my life, you know?
I think there'd…
be a lot of happiness…
- Yeah. - …there, yeah.
- I think I'd find it peaceful too. - Yeah.
You think we could be like that…
again?
- I'll probably have to wear my readers. - You wanna wear your glasses?
- Yeah. - Of course.
Can we have a dream meeting at the Quality Garden Suites?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
I'd like that.
Yeah.
- What's your dream? - My dream is just to…
just to be there with you…
again, and…
one more thing.
Hey, Carol.
Hey.
- Why is Clark here? - It's complex.
Okay, well, try me out.
Can Clark watch?
I remember. Yeah, we don't see those bikes, really.
- It was repaired here? - Yeah, the sprockets were hammered.
May I see it?
- That recumbent bike you're talking about? - Yeah.
It was picked up.
- By whom? - A woman.
We can't let the bike go until we have the full,
- you know, payment. - Which is a lot.
- Which is 210, which is a lot. - Yeah, that's what it is.
- That's a lot. - Okay.
You know, I looked up sprockets, and the ones I saw were 40 dollars,
not 210, like on here. You ought to look up sprockets.
I remember it pretty well. She was intense.
How's your, like, husband? Or how's his face?
He said he took it in the face when he wiped out.
Yeah, well, that sounds like something that my husband would do.
How's his face?
It's fine. His face is fine. Did you say 210?
- This is a lot. - Yeah, that's what it is.
- That's a lot. - Okay.
- It's a lot. - Okay.
Well, can I get a receipt?
Oh?
Yeah.
I thought we'd just talk about it, you know.
Maybe Clark can be there…
where I experience, you know,
in the closet, where I experience… It's just we talked about it.
I was just hoping that maybe…
Sharing this experience this summer has been…
It's not always been easy for me. And…
I didn't always feel like Floyd. Sometimes, I felt like…
- Like praying? - No, it's a sign.
For "small."
I feel small.
I told myself that we were, all three of us,
just sharing this experience this summer, but that's…
I mean, we weren't all really sharing. You two were sharing.
But if Clark can be there with you and me
in the old ways, and I can be full on,
and Clark can experience that,
then it can be like we were all sharing an experience this summer,
and I won't feel those closet feelings, and I can be full on.
And with the…
you know, Amphezyne and self-respect
and, you know, I think it would be good for Clark too.
- In what way? - In the way that, like, I worry that he…
I mean, do you ever worry, or do you feel bad
that you're making me feel small or insignificant
because you're sleeping with my wife?
Yeah. Yes. I mean, I… Yeah.
It's a totally normal way to think about it.
Yeah, so it'd be good for you too, for your self-esteem, you know?
Because I don't want you to feel bad that you're making me feel small.
This could be something that's just an experience
that we all share, and then you could feel good about it.
You're the sweetest guy.
That's why I fell in love with you. There's no one anywhere like you.
All right, can you guys not do that, please?
What?
It's just, with your hands, I can't understand what you're saying.
- It's rude. - Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah.
- What's Amphezyne? - For my guy.
- For your guy, how? - For my guy. Get full on.
But you take blood thinners for your curve,
- so is that okay? - When the dose is…
What if the dose is bigger?
It would kill me.
Do you want a lemonade?
I do, sure.
We didn't have any lemonade mix.
So I thought I'd just…
you know, squeeze some lemons and put some sugar in it.
But then we didn't have… any lemons…
or sugar.
What is it you guys are looking for?
The warrant is for the space of and the contents in the garage.
So, please, open the door.
Please open the door, Mrs. Smernitch.
- Mrs. Love-Smernitch. - Open the door! Please.
We know she had the second bike now, but is she capable of this?
Is she capable of murdering her husband for money?
The sealed conviction of hers, did you know that…
if somebody fills out an application to a police department…
that they are consenting to the disclosure of any criminal charge,
expunged, sealed, whatever? Full background check.
Like in Carol Love-Smernitch's case…
her name simply on an application to a police department…
they would send the contents of her earlier conviction
to that department head.
You learned this in Chicago?
Yeah, I guess I did.
Aren't you Head of Special Crimes in Twyla?
Yes.
Then you could do that.
Just like that.
Maybe give it some thought.