No.
No, don't go fast.
Evan. Baby, no "rushie."
We talked about this. No stress. No stress. It's all good.
- Kiss. Long kiss. Good. - I love you.
If you guys are doing a coffee run, will you get me a banana mocha?
Go back to bed, Daniel.
I mean, how much longer is he staying?
He's, like, homeless right now. Just give him a break.
Well, why doesn't he just stay at your house?
I'm not letting him stay at mine. He's a literal thief.
Hey, baby, everything's good.
- You're an amazing guy. - Yes.
- You're an amazing boyfriend. - Yes.
- We all love you. Have a great day. - Okay. I love you. Bye.
- You used to hate that guy. - Hey.
English Teacher
Top of the morning to ya. - Good morning, Ireland.
You got lube on your shoe.
I have lube on my shoe? How does that make sense?
- Evan, we need to talk about the play. - No.
- Hey, Rick. - Hey, what's up, player?
Hey, donate to my GoFundMe. I'm trying to go to this male entrepreneur trip in Bali.
No. Rick, we make the same amount of money.
- I make more than you, dude. - Good. Donate to yourself.
Hello. Settle. Settle. Good morning. Where did we leave off?
Inferno page 52.
You're late, sir.
I'm not late, Chelsea.
I respect that opinion.
So…
- Angels in America, Evan? - Angels in America, yes.
You couldn't have picked a less controversial play?
I didn't pick it. The kids picked it.
I think it's great that they're engaging in such important work.
- You should think it's great too. - That's great,
but you couldn't have helped pick a play that doesn't have three lightning rods?
- Three. - What is that?
You learned that from a new book about being a principal?
- No, no. - What are lightning rods?
Lightning rods are things that attract controversy.
- Uh-huh. - The play has sexuality. It has religion.
- Uh-huh. - And, uh, and…
And dirty words, I guess, right?
Just think about… think about Seussical.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, it makes me smile just saying it.
Seussical the Musical. Seussical the Musical.
- That's your pitch? - But think about it. But think about it.
- It's up to you. It's up to you. - Grant, this is simple.
You're the boss. You want me to tell the kids we're not doing Angels in America.
- I'm gonna tell them you said— - No.
I'm not gonna be the principal censoring kids' free expression.
Then the local news does a whole story, and I'm the bad guy.
Why does everyone always think the news is coming to our school?
You just take care of it, Evan. I trust you and your capable hands.
You can do this. You can do this.
- You trust me? Great. - You can do this. But just…
But just one more thought. One more thought.
Our Town.
- You guys sound like horses. - What?
Grant's pissed that the kids are doing Angels in America.
- Angels in America. That's like RENT? - In that they're both plays, sure.
I get RENT confused with season two of Real World.
- Oh, my God. - Do you?
- Which one has Pedro? - Evan, I hate to side with the brass here,
buddy, but I see Grant's point.
You can't do Angels in America with high school kids.
- You kidding me? - You know Angels in America?
- I'm shocked. - Damn right I do.
I watched the HBO miniseries, dude. I'll watch anything Pacino's in.
- Same. - I didn't pick it. The kids picked it.
- I think it's cool. It's like punk rock. - You're talking about AIDS. Too mature.
One cannot be sure,
but there is a distinct feeling I have that this is homophobia.
An epidemic that nearly wiped out my people
is too mature to talk about, interesting.
No, it'll overdevelop their brains, man.
- Wait, this reminds me, what's RSV? - It's like a coughing thing.
- Shit. My accountant has RSV. - You have a dedicated accountant?
You're a teacher. Why don't you just use TurboTax?
Well, I fucking will be doing TurboTax this year.
- My accountant has RSV. - It's not terminal.
- It's not terminal yet. - I'm just saying,
I don't think you should let the kids put on a play about a gay STD.
- It's not a gay STD. - No, hear me out.
- Can we just be really clear about that? - You know I am not a homophobe.
You know I watch gay shit all the time. He knows this.
- You watch gay shit all the time? - I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry,
Philadelphia, uh, Cast Away.
That's not gay shit.
- He never fucked the ball. - I think he did.
Why would he fuck the ball when he could fuck sand?
The kids want to do the play. I'm letting them do it
because they have the right to express themselves through art.
- Freedom of speech. What are you gonna say about that?
- Freedom of speech. - Freedom of speech.
Freedom of speech.
Okay.
"I feel that something's going to give.
It's 1985…"
- "…15 years till the third millennium.
Maybe Christ will come again."
I mean, Mr. Marquez, I'm having a really hard time connecting to this material.
What do you mean by that? Where did you learn that expression?
I mean, this stuff all happened, like, 90 years ago.
Yeah, weren't these people, like, Titanic?
- What? - Nobody cares about this stuff.
- This feels like a cartoon or something. - SpongeBob.
It doesn't feel like a cartoon. I mean, you guys picked to play.
Yeah, because we thought it was gonna be like punk rock,
and the characters in it were vibey.
We didn't know it was literally about having AIDS in the '80s.
The "AIDSies."
This play, like most art, is about the deep pain of human relationships.
- Yeah, but we don't relate to any of that. - Why?
Because none of that has ever happened to us.
- Yeah. - I mean, when you act in a play,
it doesn't have to have happened to you.
Everything's not a documentary.
Why didn't the gay guys just stop having sex?
- Wouldn't that have solved the problem? - That's not possible for those people.
- No offense, queer. - Thanks, Chelsea. That's great.
You have to understand, they didn't know what AIDS was.
They didn't know where it came from.
And there was so much fear
and so much disinformation. I mean, imagine.
Like with COVID?
No, no, no, not like COVID.
AIDS had stigma attached to it, and nobody knew who was gonna get it next.
People didn't know if everybody was gonna get it,
- if it was gonna take over the world. - Yeah, like with COVID.
Not like COVID, no.
But sure, if it helps you wrap your head around it a little better, then yes.
Maybe those early days of AIDS did feel a little bit
like those early days of COVID.
So why don't we just make the play about COVID?
- That's a good idea. Yeah.
Yeah, but you can't just change what a play is about.
This play is about what this play is about.
You can do anything you want if you set your mind to it.
- What? - The fact is
we went through a global pandemic.
It affected all our lives.
They made us go to school at home. That doesn't even make sense.
And you're not gonna let us do a play about that?
I'm not not letting you. This is a thing you just made up two minutes ago.
Yeah, screw Angels in America. Let's do COVID in America.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, that'll be a good-ass play.
How do you guys do this?
How do you turn these things on me so fast?
- Ugh! Jesus. - Nice.
The kids, they just don't think AIDS was serious.
Or worse, they think it was serious and they don't give a shit.
They all think it's, like, an STD.
AIDS was undeniably an STD.
Yes, AIDS is an STD, technically. I'm saying…
Hello, this is Daniel. I'm sorry, I can't talk right now.
I'm with family and friends. Let me call you after dinner.
All right, love you. Sorry.
- It was spam.
AIDS was a cultural moment in the gay community specifically.
It was killing huge amounts of gay men.
And these kids' reactions to it feel very kind of like…
I don't know, don't make me say homophobic.
Okay, put a dollar in the Evan-thinks-everything-is-homophobic jar.
Well, a lot of things are homophobic, Malcolm.
But, like, these kids obviously relate more to COVID
because, low-key, it is kind of the AIDS of the new generation.
It is, like, the same in so many ways.
The fear. The lifestyle shift. Like, everything.
Not to mention, like, a lot of gay guys died of COVID too
'cause they didn't go by the quarantine rules.
- Yes! - If they wanna do a play about COVID,
let them do a play about COVID.
Like, what's the harm here?
The point I'm trying to make is, AIDS wasn't anybody's fault.
Okay, COVID wasn't anyone's fault either, unless you wanna blame a cute little bat.
Listen, I'm on the kids' side on this one.
And I wanna see that shitty-ass play that they write. It sounds really funny.
Mmm.
I have to go to work. Let's table this.
We're gonna finish this conversation later.
He has work? Isn't he drunk right now?
Yeah, he's in a blackout, but he works at a restaurant. It's fine.
COVID IN AMERICA
- What's this? - COVID in America.
- See you tonight at rehearsal, biatch.
Didn't mean to call you biatch. I'm sorry, that was disrespectful.
That's actually our only copy right now, so…
Yeah, we need that back. I haven't gone to Kinko's yet.
See you tonight.
They've been rehearsing this thing for two days now, and it's a disaster.
I am all about the kids putting on a play about COVID,
as long as it tells the real story of COVID.
And what is the real story of COVID, Markie?
That it was a global cover-up of a lab leak,
which didn't actually happen in Wuhan. It happened in Chengdu.
Just come and watch some of the rehearsals,
because this thing is turning into such a shit show.
I've seen some of it. I've been working with the girls all morning.
- I'm doing the choreography. - The choreography for what?
For the play. It's a musical now.
I got… I got an extra if you want.
Two, three, four.
- Good. Yeah. Um… - This is a disaster.
Look, man, you can't preach about being
behind the idea of freedom of artistic expression
and then get mad when it actually takes place.
But this is too much expression. What they're expressing is insane.
- Five, six, seven, eight, and step.
Every morning, I would log into my Zoom. I was in the sixth grade.
I would turn off my screen and I would cry.
She would cry.
This is awful.
For the record, this is as good or as bad as any play I have ever seen.
I think theater might just be this.
- That might be the best point you've made. Here's the thing.
You have to spot with these turns because if you don't, you're gonna fall.
So just don't get…
dizzy. All right?
Let's try it again. Five, six, seven, eight.
I am the virus. I am the virus.
- Jesus. - I am the virus.
- Doesn't it look like the virus? - I am the virus.
I am the virus.
And so, the metal detector in the second entrance isn't working,
so, you know, bring metals if you want.
No one else say anything… Goodbye.
Grant, wait. We need to get this play canceled.
- We're not doing this now, Evan. - I'm telling you,
the kids are doing something they're gonna regret.
Then make them change it.
I can't make them change it. It needs to come from you, okay?
They said the original Angels in America, they think it's not "punk rock."
They think it's not "cool" to do a play about "AIDS" anymore.
- Where's the lie? - You're worried about the local news.
The local news is gonna find out that we're doing this play about COVID,
and we're gonna be the laughingstock of the entire district.
- Oh, people love COVID! - People don't love COVID.
The Zoom calls, the social distancing, the sourdough bread.
The sourdough bread was bussin'.
Remember not having FOMO for the first three months of COVID? It was blissful.
Somebody's gonna film this performance, and then it's gonna go online
and it's gonna haunt these kids for the rest of their lives.
It's a good lesson for you, Evan. You've opened up Pandora's box,
and now you have to fight your way through it.
I'm not helping you for once.
Shit, I'm helping. I'm doing tech.
How is everybody slowly getting involved in this production?
I'm selling snacks and merch on show night.
- Who are you? - Eric.
That's Eric. Eric from the Bronx.
- You work here? - I was just out for a little bit,
- but I'm back, dude. - He was in the Bronx visiting his sister.
The play is an excellent fundraising opportunity, Evan.
The show must go on.
If I can just referee here, guys, seriously.
I think it's a good thing
to discuss the repercussions of this so-called vaccine
through artistic expression.
Personally, I don't care what he's saying about the vaccine,
but the songs are so cute. And the dancing.
Don't you like when they do that?
Thank you for running this by me. Approved.
Dismissed, dismissed, dismissed.
- Guys. Let me have your attention, please.
I have an announcement to make.
Pablo!
We are going back to doing the play
as originally written,
about not COVID.
- No. - What?
- I have a good reason for this
because I actually knew a lot of people in my life
when I was growing up who died of these illnesses.
And I intend to honor them
with this work of art that is about what they went through.
Weren't you a baby in the '80s?
Okay, fine. Yes, I don't know anybody who died of AIDS personally,
but it was my community.
Lying ass.
Just… just listen to me.
You cannot do this weird play about COVID because it's bad.
- It's just so bad, you guys.
Evan.
You're gonna remember this later in your lives and you're gonna be embarrassed.
- You know what, sir? - What?
I assume that maybe the reason you don't care too much about COVID
is because what you were probably doing during the pandemic is
throwing ass at the gay club, no mask on.
Ooh!
- That's not true. - We've actually all already spoken
- about this. - Mm-hmm.
If you don't let us do our version of the play,
- we're just not gonna do the play at all. Yeah.
- Because we are artists. - Sing it, sister.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
Well, then it's officially called off.
- Are you shitting me? - What?
Talk to him, please.
This sucks.
Oh, my God. After-hours visit from the angel of COVID.
Can you imagine me welcoming you at the Pearly Gates?
What scene was that for?
The, uh, six feet apart dance with the president of Pfizer
and the president of Moderna.
That was gonna be terrible, wasn't it? I'm glad we canceled this thing.
This is so interesting.
- Gwen, it's not… - Where is this coming from?
Here's the deal: I did a play in high school,
and it was called I Wasn't There But I Felt Like I Was,
that I wrote and directed and starred in.
One-man show, spotlight on me, all about 9/11.
- And I bombed,
and then I regretted it for years.
- Shut up. - I'm making sure that these kids
don't encounter that same fate.
Mmm. You're really kind of punishing them for something you did 20 years ago?
I'm not punishing them. I'm saving them. I'm doing them a favor.
Don't you think it's sort of this classic thing in high school
to make really bad art?
Like, it's sort of a rite of passage.
So you're sort of taking away a really fun experience and a lesson from the kids.
Yeah.
You might be right.
MORRISON HENSLEY HIGH SCHOOL THEATRE PRESENTS
COVID IN AMERICA
Oh, my God. I'm so excited. It's gonna be horrible.
So, kinda serious: Daniel's gonna, um, go to rehab for the next couple weeks.
- Oh, that's good. - Yeah. I'm just telling you
because tonight I guess he's going, like, "ham," I guess you would say.
Like, drinking extra or double.
Just 'cause when he goes to rehab, like, you can't drink as much there.
At his rehab, they shouldn't be drinking at all.
I think this one is more of a hybrid situation, you know.
Wine at dinner kind of vibes.
I don't think that's a rehab.
- We don't need to talk about it right now. - Hi.
- How are you? - Hey, congrats.
- Thank you. - My God.
God. Can you imagine we, like, pulled off this choreography without using silks?
It's a miracle that you pulled off that choreography without using silks.
It's insane.
There he is. Hey, king.
- Oh. - Hey—
Okay— We're not— Let's do a closed-mouth kiss.
Are you excited for the play, Daniel?
- He's swaying. He looks seasick. - Did I tell you I quit vaping?
I don't know. This is the first time we've ever spoken.
Great story, make it about you.
MHS
These vaccine lines…
Down, down.
They're so long.
Fuck.
I mean, if I have to stand in another goddamn line at another goddamn stadium…
Why are they so obsessed with saying "goddamn"?
- …another goddamn shot… - I think it sounds like theater to them.
- I might just lose my mind. - Yeah,
they're gonna lose the Christian audience.
I mean, what am I worth anyway?
I'm just another goddamn experiment for American Big Pharma.
- It's all so fucked up! - Whoa!
- Wow.
- We go to Italy— - Fuck, Pablo, get the fuck off.
Fucking audience sucks.
- That was good. Shut up.
- This—
I hate theater!
We go to Italy.
Buongiorno, news Italia.
Mamma mia!
Will somebody tell these kids to shut up?
♪ Italia ♪ - I remember that. I remember that.
Europe is… Europe is in chaos.
These kids are talented. I wonder what this play is about.
Tiger King, you're on. Go.
Chelsea, go up, go up, go up.
- Commit! - Shh.
Go. Go, go, go. Come on.
And brain fog.
Get your virus costumes on. Get your virus costumes on.
They're doing it. Yeah.
The news is lying.
It's not enough toilet paper. It doesn't read.
Honey, I'm as goddamn tired as you of being cooped up in this place.
It's madness.
I couldn't agree more.
And I'm tired of banging these fucking pots and pans
for the goddamn nurses and doctors.
My sister had COVID, so this is
- just, like, kind of hitting me hard. - Now these clowns are saying
that this is being caused by the goddamn Chinese 5G towers.
She couldn't smoke for, like, three weeks.
What was that?
It's just a cough.
She's gonna win an Oscar for this. Oh, my God.
Everybody, cough. Cough!
Everybody cough!
Two stripes. Stay away from me. Get back!
We cough because we can.
Hell yeah!
Great.
Well done, Murphy. I'm gonna get you into some weird school.
This show is not an endorsement of COVID-19 or coronavirus.
We condemn coronavirus in the strongest term. Thank you.
- Yeah! Yeah!
Wait, so he's, like, building a pickleball court now?
It's no longer a pool. It's a pickleball court
'cause Swimply rents out pickleball courts now.
Like, this is much better.
- Yeah. - Right, babe?
I'm just explaining to everybody what you're doing.
- Yeah, I'm building a pickleball court. Pickleball court.
- It's a money machine. A money magnet. - It's a money magnet.
So much smarter than just getting a job.
- It looks really good. - Thank you.
I'll be the first to say it.
I think the play was pretty good.
- Mm-hmm. - And made me wish I got vaccinated.
It's a good play.
And it did make me remember.
You liked that sanitation, the opening…
- Sanitizing the groceries. - It was based off Stomp.
Yeah.
You take out the cereal.
Speaking of high school plays, how about this?
- Where'd you get that? - Wow! You're so cute.
Yeah, I reached out to your mom. She sent me this.
- Look at the charisma. - Kind of doing like a little hip thing.
Okay, Markie, stop the video.
TOWER 1 - TOWER 2