1 00:00:23,260 --> 00:00:24,594 What is wrong with you? 2 00:00:24,678 --> 00:00:25,679 No! 3 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:28,140 My mom is gonna think I'm a failure! 4 00:00:29,474 --> 00:00:33,353 The seniors, they're losing their minds much more than usual this year, 5 00:00:33,437 --> 00:00:35,689 - don't you think? - College applications are due on Friday. 6 00:00:35,772 --> 00:00:37,024 That's two days left, Evan. 7 00:00:37,107 --> 00:00:39,151 But yes, yes, you're right, it's much worse than usual. 8 00:00:39,234 --> 00:00:40,402 Let's… In here. 9 00:00:40,485 --> 00:00:44,656 Yes, last name— Would you close it? Close it. Yep, last name Baines. 10 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:48,618 Plays clarinet like a fucking genius, volunteers with animals. 11 00:00:48,702 --> 00:00:51,580 Wait, no, even better, old people. 12 00:00:51,663 --> 00:00:53,498 See, it's a stressful time for Rick, for the students, 13 00:00:53,582 --> 00:00:55,917 so it's best to go easy on everybody. Just two more days. 14 00:00:56,001 --> 00:00:58,378 This whole college admissions process has gotten so intense. 15 00:00:58,462 --> 00:01:01,173 I feel like I can't give my seniors any actual work. 16 00:01:01,256 --> 00:01:03,425 - Do not give them work. - Why would you give them work? 17 00:01:03,508 --> 00:01:04,509 I'm not sweating shit, Bill. 18 00:01:04,593 --> 00:01:08,305 If you don't want these kids, I got Emory and UVA dying to take them off my hands. 19 00:01:08,388 --> 00:01:10,849 - Is this how admission works? - We're very lucky to have Rick. 20 00:01:10,932 --> 00:01:12,225 This is where he shines. 21 00:01:12,893 --> 00:01:14,269 Fucker called my bluff. 22 00:01:14,352 --> 00:01:18,190 Carol, get me Virginia Tech on line two and a couple of aspirin! 23 00:01:18,273 --> 00:01:20,067 - Who's Carol? My assistant. 24 00:01:20,150 --> 00:01:22,736 - I got a sophomore running errands for me. - I can't hear this. 25 00:01:22,819 --> 00:01:24,571 All right, guys, thoughts on the reading? 26 00:01:25,489 --> 00:01:27,199 No. - No thoughts? 27 00:01:27,282 --> 00:01:29,743 We all too stressed with these college applications? 28 00:01:29,826 --> 00:01:32,412 I am spread thin, Mr. Marquez. 29 00:01:32,496 --> 00:01:35,332 I close my eyes and all I can see are application forms, essays to write. 30 00:01:35,415 --> 00:01:37,375 Nothing but my whole dang future on the line. 31 00:01:37,459 --> 00:01:40,754 What about you two? You're not applying to school until next year, right? 32 00:01:40,837 --> 00:01:43,590 I choose to withhold my thoughts out of respect for my elders here. 33 00:01:43,673 --> 00:01:45,425 - Aw. - I mean, look at these raggedy bitches. 34 00:01:45,509 --> 00:01:47,636 - Who is that? Look, you guys are gonna be fine. 35 00:01:47,719 --> 00:01:51,014 The-These schools, they want well-rounded kids from diverse backgrounds. 36 00:01:51,098 --> 00:01:52,682 But they got rid of affirmative action. 37 00:01:52,766 --> 00:01:54,059 Can't check that box anymore. 38 00:01:54,142 --> 00:01:56,978 Yeah, that is messed up actually. 39 00:01:57,062 --> 00:01:59,231 I don't really plan on going to college 'cause that's for suckers, 40 00:01:59,314 --> 00:02:02,192 but if I were y'all, I think I'd be pissed too. 41 00:02:02,275 --> 00:02:05,320 It's so stupid that they got rid of affirmative action. 42 00:02:05,403 --> 00:02:08,782 Don't people realize that that's part of what makes university so great? 43 00:02:08,865 --> 00:02:11,868 Diversity of thought, diversity of perspective. 44 00:02:11,952 --> 00:02:14,663 I don't see color. I live in a post-racial America. 45 00:02:14,746 --> 00:02:17,124 Becca, you were reading a book about eugenics yesterday. 46 00:02:17,207 --> 00:02:20,001 - I thought that said Eugene. - Eugene Hackman. RIP. 47 00:02:20,085 --> 00:02:24,005 I think what you guys should do is in your essays find subtle ways 48 00:02:24,089 --> 00:02:25,882 to hint at diversity, right? 49 00:02:25,966 --> 00:02:29,386 Like, if I was gonna write one right now, I'd be like, "Oh, in my house growing up, 50 00:02:29,469 --> 00:02:32,722 we ate Colombian food all the time, but for us it was just food." 51 00:02:32,806 --> 00:02:35,976 - Hmm. How do you spell Colombian? - Jeff, no, you can't use that. 52 00:02:36,059 --> 00:02:37,853 So in my essay, I should say that I'm Mexican? 53 00:02:37,936 --> 00:02:39,855 Yeah. Yes. I think so, yes. 54 00:02:39,938 --> 00:02:43,483 Even though these schools, like, can't do this on a "technical" level anymore. 55 00:02:44,151 --> 00:02:46,444 They-They still care about your lived experience. 56 00:02:46,528 --> 00:02:49,239 They care about the uniqueness of who you are, 57 00:02:49,322 --> 00:02:52,367 and you can express that through your essays, right? 58 00:02:52,450 --> 00:02:54,578 Diversity is obviously important. 59 00:02:54,661 --> 00:02:57,330 - That is not a controversial thing to say. Agreed. 60 00:02:57,414 --> 00:03:01,751 I love those diverse reboots, like when they rebooted the NBA with all women. 61 00:03:01,835 --> 00:03:05,255 I'm so glad I don't have to see your ass again after graduation. 62 00:03:05,338 --> 00:03:08,925 Wake Forest, you fucked me last year. Not gonna let that happen again. 63 00:03:09,009 --> 00:03:10,719 - That smells better. Fucking put me on hold again. 64 00:03:10,802 --> 00:03:11,887 Gwen. - What? 65 00:03:11,970 --> 00:03:13,889 - I need your help today, big time. - What do you need? 66 00:03:13,972 --> 00:03:15,974 Bob Ruby, the football recruiter from Tech. 67 00:03:16,057 --> 00:03:18,894 He's coming today to scout Bradley Phillips. 68 00:03:18,977 --> 00:03:20,520 Whoa. That's a big deal. 69 00:03:20,604 --> 00:03:23,690 A lot of D1 schools drooling over this kid, but Tech is his best shot. 70 00:03:23,773 --> 00:03:26,943 Hundred percent. He could be the next Patrick Mahomes. That's a quarterback. 71 00:03:27,027 --> 00:03:29,112 Wow. Bradley Phillips is the sweetest kid, and he's tall. 72 00:03:29,196 --> 00:03:31,031 - That kid is so tall. He's so tall. - That kid's a stud. 73 00:03:31,114 --> 00:03:34,784 He also is the best prospect this school has had in 20 years, 74 00:03:34,868 --> 00:03:37,120 and he has a cannon for an arm, okay? 75 00:03:37,204 --> 00:03:38,997 I don't think sweet has anything to do with it. 76 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:42,209 No, I just mean that he's very emotionally available. 77 00:03:42,292 --> 00:03:43,793 You mean he cries a lot. 78 00:03:44,377 --> 00:03:45,378 - Yes. Yeah. 79 00:03:45,462 --> 00:03:46,713 He cries a lot. 80 00:03:46,796 --> 00:03:48,673 If he's crying a lot, I'll send him to liberal arts school. 81 00:03:48,757 --> 00:03:51,343 - I got a lot of openings. - Gwen, this is a problem. 82 00:03:51,426 --> 00:03:53,094 It's a high pressure situation. 83 00:03:53,178 --> 00:03:56,598 I cannot sell a quarterback that cries, Gwen. 84 00:03:56,681 --> 00:03:59,100 Especially with the stress of all these college admissions. 85 00:03:59,184 --> 00:04:02,687 If he loses it in front of Bob Ruby today, his chances are done. 86 00:04:02,771 --> 00:04:04,648 - It's over. - Shoot, that's so much pressure. 87 00:04:04,731 --> 00:04:06,733 What am I supposed to do? I'm not, like, his mom. 88 00:04:06,816 --> 00:04:08,235 Calm him down. You're Gwen. 89 00:04:08,318 --> 00:04:12,239 The studies show that redheads have a natural de-stressing effect. 90 00:04:12,322 --> 00:04:13,573 That's why Wendy's is so popular. 91 00:04:13,657 --> 00:04:15,116 Where are you finding these studies? 92 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,827 You're wait-listing Liana? Are you joking me? 93 00:04:17,911 --> 00:04:20,080 I feel like part of the reason that college admissions 94 00:04:20,163 --> 00:04:22,999 has gotten so stressful is because they got rid of this affirmative action thing 95 00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:25,377 and set the country back, like, 80 years. 96 00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:27,796 They only did that to, like, simplify the admissions process. 97 00:04:27,879 --> 00:04:30,131 Markie, what's simple is that this whole system 98 00:04:30,215 --> 00:04:33,218 tilts strongly in favor of white rich people. 99 00:04:33,301 --> 00:04:34,302 I love rich white people. 100 00:04:34,386 --> 00:04:38,056 And affirmative action was one small way of leveling the playing field. 101 00:04:38,139 --> 00:04:39,766 Can we talk about anything else? Like the fact that my dad 102 00:04:39,849 --> 00:04:41,643 is literally being closed in on by the IRS. 103 00:04:41,726 --> 00:04:43,728 For what? For having a Patreon about lawn mowing? 104 00:04:43,812 --> 00:04:45,522 Evan, I actually see your point here, man. 105 00:04:45,605 --> 00:04:48,358 Like, the way you're always banging the DEI drum. I get it, man. 106 00:04:48,441 --> 00:04:50,360 I'd do the same thing if it got me this job. 107 00:04:52,946 --> 00:04:56,116 - Wow, very funny, Markie. Very funny. - I ain't joking. 108 00:04:56,199 --> 00:04:58,994 Wait, you're legitimately suggesting that I was a diversity hire? 109 00:04:59,077 --> 00:05:01,621 No, I mean, it's just, like, a rumor I heard. 110 00:05:03,748 --> 00:05:08,128 - Yo, Grant, big dog. - Is there something you need, Evan? 111 00:05:08,211 --> 00:05:10,755 Nah, I'm just… I mean, I was bored. 112 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:13,216 I was, like, having the new soup at lunch. 113 00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:15,719 Have you tried that? I think it's a split pea, is that right? 114 00:05:15,802 --> 00:05:17,512 Are you asking me if it's a split pea? 115 00:05:18,263 --> 00:05:19,347 What's going on, Evan? 116 00:05:19,431 --> 00:05:22,976 You know what I've never asked that's so random? 117 00:05:23,059 --> 00:05:25,061 Is like, was I a DEI hire? 118 00:05:28,732 --> 00:05:29,774 Oh, my God. 119 00:05:31,359 --> 00:05:34,571 - I'm a diversity hire? - Please, I can't comment on this. 120 00:05:34,654 --> 00:05:37,240 - You didn't ever tell me this? What does it matter, Evan? 121 00:05:37,324 --> 00:05:41,077 It happened all those years ago. I mean, I can't remember what happened years ago. 122 00:05:41,161 --> 00:05:45,290 It was pre-COVID. Everything pre-COVID, it's-it's just all gone up here. My hair— 123 00:05:45,373 --> 00:05:48,126 You were hiding this from me because you knew it was embarrassing? 124 00:05:48,209 --> 00:05:51,254 This is interesting. I thought you were explicitly in favor of these programs. 125 00:05:51,338 --> 00:05:55,717 Of course I'm in favor of DEI. I'm just saying this is me, this is my career. 126 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:59,137 This is different. I… I'm worried for the state of the school if you're not 127 00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:02,223 even taking into account someone's teaching ability when you hire them. 128 00:06:02,307 --> 00:06:05,435 Really, you're worried about the school? Not just a little bit about your own ego? 129 00:06:05,518 --> 00:06:08,480 - I'm allowed to have feelings about this. - All right. Okay. Okay. 130 00:06:09,814 --> 00:06:12,776 You are a great teacher regardless of how you got here. 131 00:06:13,943 --> 00:06:16,029 - Which one was it? - Which one was what? 132 00:06:16,112 --> 00:06:19,240 Gay or Latino, which quota was I hired to fill? 133 00:06:20,909 --> 00:06:23,078 Honestly, the gay thing has proven to be a little tricky, 134 00:06:23,161 --> 00:06:24,704 so take that for what you will. 135 00:06:27,457 --> 00:06:30,335 You gotta see him air it out, Bob. You gotta see this. Bradley! 136 00:06:30,418 --> 00:06:31,669 Let's go deep. 137 00:06:36,424 --> 00:06:37,425 Huh. 138 00:06:37,509 --> 00:06:39,886 It's all right. Regroup. It's all good, son. 139 00:06:39,969 --> 00:06:43,640 - It only affects the rest of his life. - I'm so sorry. 140 00:06:44,349 --> 00:06:45,642 Oh. - Is he all right? 141 00:06:45,725 --> 00:06:47,977 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's fine. 142 00:06:48,061 --> 00:06:49,270 Right, Gwen? 143 00:06:49,354 --> 00:06:51,523 I think he's just thirsty. Hold on, let me just give… 144 00:06:51,606 --> 00:06:53,566 Uh, I-I gotta give him some water. 145 00:06:53,650 --> 00:06:54,651 He's a natural competitor. 146 00:06:54,734 --> 00:06:56,486 He really carries the weight of the team. 147 00:06:56,569 --> 00:06:57,737 He's not a crier, is he? 148 00:06:57,821 --> 00:06:59,823 - No, no, no. - Is he a goddamn crier? 149 00:06:59,906 --> 00:07:01,533 No, those are tears of rage. 150 00:07:01,616 --> 00:07:02,742 Oh. 151 00:07:03,827 --> 00:07:05,495 I just got a text from my new wife. 152 00:07:05,578 --> 00:07:07,372 - Hmm. 153 00:07:07,455 --> 00:07:09,040 I'm so fucking in love. 154 00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:11,709 You don't need to cry. It's just a fun, silly game. 155 00:07:11,793 --> 00:07:13,586 I thought my future depended on it? 156 00:07:13,670 --> 00:07:15,630 Uh, yeah, it sort of does, yeah. 157 00:07:15,713 --> 00:07:17,048 But— No, no, no. 158 00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,634 You know what? Bob Ruby thinks you're so great. 159 00:07:20,301 --> 00:07:23,430 - Really? - Yeah, so throw that ball, okay? 160 00:07:23,513 --> 00:07:24,764 I'm getting horribly sunburned. 161 00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:28,184 You got it, Miss Sanders. 162 00:07:35,316 --> 00:07:37,235 There it is. There it is. Oh! Oh! 163 00:07:37,318 --> 00:07:39,487 There it is. - Wow. Wow. 164 00:07:40,905 --> 00:07:42,866 You've done a damn fine job with that young man. 165 00:07:42,949 --> 00:07:43,950 Thank you. 166 00:07:44,033 --> 00:07:47,036 I got no kids of my own, so I treat all my players like they're my sons. 167 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,621 You a fellow vasectomy victim? 168 00:07:48,705 --> 00:07:53,543 No, low sperm count, which I inherited ironically. 169 00:07:53,626 --> 00:07:55,920 Ain't that amazing? - Yeah, it was great. 170 00:07:56,004 --> 00:07:59,507 I'm gonna call the head honcho, tell him we got a live one down here in Morrison. 171 00:07:59,591 --> 00:08:02,177 We should talk later, Markie, the two of us. 172 00:08:02,260 --> 00:08:04,596 - Okay. - You help us get this kid on our team, 173 00:08:04,679 --> 00:08:08,016 there might just be a spot on the coaching staff for you. 174 00:08:10,226 --> 00:08:12,479 Did he just offer you a job? 175 00:08:12,562 --> 00:08:16,441 Yeah, that just happened. Wow. That just happened. 176 00:08:18,234 --> 00:08:21,905 "Me and my abuela would gather around the TV with a bowl of totopos 177 00:08:21,988 --> 00:08:25,992 and watch American Dad! or as we called it El Padre Americano." 178 00:08:26,618 --> 00:08:30,121 "I could see firsthand through her love of Roger the alien 179 00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:33,583 that mi abuela no longer felt like an illegal alien." 180 00:08:34,626 --> 00:08:36,127 - That's good, Pablo. Loved it. 181 00:08:36,211 --> 00:08:38,087 Okay, that's fire. So good, man. 182 00:08:38,171 --> 00:08:39,422 So cultural. 183 00:08:39,506 --> 00:08:42,175 But maybe you can lean away from this Mexican stuff in the next draft. 184 00:08:42,258 --> 00:08:44,052 - What the hell are you talking about? - What did he say? 185 00:08:44,135 --> 00:08:45,929 No, I'm saying don't you want to get into college based 186 00:08:46,012 --> 00:08:48,932 on your own merits, not on the country that your abuelita's from. 187 00:08:49,015 --> 00:08:52,769 But yesterday didn't you just tell him to include that he was Mexican in the essay? 188 00:08:52,852 --> 00:08:55,104 I'm just saying these essays should focus on the content 189 00:08:55,188 --> 00:08:57,482 of your character, not on your external identity. 190 00:08:57,565 --> 00:09:00,026 Okay, this is literally the opposite of what you were saying yesterday. 191 00:09:00,109 --> 00:09:03,238 - You're so fake, Mr. Marquez. - You can't do this. You can't switch up. 192 00:09:03,321 --> 00:09:06,241 - I'm not switching up. - I get it, brother. You're MAGA now. 193 00:09:06,324 --> 00:09:09,285 No, I'm not. I just… I-I-I don't want you guys 194 00:09:09,953 --> 00:09:12,789 to end up feeling like charity cases, okay? 195 00:09:12,872 --> 00:09:14,624 That's not gonna feel good either, trust me. 196 00:09:14,707 --> 00:09:17,460 So it's charity when people of color get into college? 197 00:09:17,544 --> 00:09:19,504 I'm-I'm talking about how smart you are. 198 00:09:19,587 --> 00:09:23,132 I'm talking about you-you… you believing in yourself. 199 00:09:23,216 --> 00:09:25,134 You don't… You don't wanna show up somewhere and be like, 200 00:09:25,218 --> 00:09:26,844 "Did I really get this job?" 201 00:09:26,928 --> 00:09:28,972 Okay, but what if I'm a legacy? 202 00:09:29,055 --> 00:09:32,433 Like, I can't help that my dad got into Arizona State. 203 00:09:32,517 --> 00:09:33,810 Legacy is just as bad. 204 00:09:33,893 --> 00:09:36,938 It's-It's just another way to not actually earn your spot. 205 00:09:37,021 --> 00:09:39,899 But if you're dumb, you low-key have no other option. 206 00:09:39,983 --> 00:09:41,067 Yeah, it's true. 207 00:09:41,150 --> 00:09:42,485 All right. Well, guess what? 208 00:09:42,569 --> 00:09:44,737 I'm here out of the kindness of my heart to help you 209 00:09:44,821 --> 00:09:47,782 guys with these essays because I'm a teacher that goes above and beyond. 210 00:09:47,865 --> 00:09:49,951 So if you don't want my advice, I'm out of here. 211 00:09:50,034 --> 00:09:52,036 Wait. Wait. - Come on, Mr. Marquez, 212 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,496 don't act like that. 213 00:09:53,580 --> 00:09:55,290 Dude, do you feel like we don't appreciate you? 214 00:09:55,373 --> 00:09:58,835 You're the best gay Latino teacher I've ever had. 215 00:09:58,918 --> 00:10:03,214 - Oh, God, Jeff. - Latin temper like mi abuela. 216 00:10:04,048 --> 00:10:05,883 Miss Sanders? - Hey. 217 00:10:05,967 --> 00:10:08,177 - Can I talk to you for a sec? - Yeah, of course. 218 00:10:08,261 --> 00:10:09,971 I always have time for the next, uh… 219 00:10:10,555 --> 00:10:12,599 God, I want to say O.J. Simpson, 220 00:10:12,682 --> 00:10:15,935 that's the only football player that I know. So… 221 00:10:16,019 --> 00:10:18,980 - Mm-hmm. - What's up? Okay. Oh, my God. 222 00:10:19,063 --> 00:10:21,941 Bradley, you can let it out. You can cry here. 223 00:10:22,442 --> 00:10:26,029 Don't— Oh. Yep, don't hold it in. Don't hold it in. 224 00:10:26,112 --> 00:10:27,905 There's a lot of pressure on you right now. 225 00:10:27,989 --> 00:10:31,868 No, it's not that. It's just I overheard Bob Ruby on the phone with his head coach 226 00:10:31,951 --> 00:10:34,871 saying something about how much of a joke Coach Hillridge is. 227 00:10:34,954 --> 00:10:39,292 They're just leading him on so they don't lose another player to a rival school. 228 00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:40,960 Wha… What? 229 00:10:41,044 --> 00:10:43,212 He called him a nobody. 230 00:10:43,296 --> 00:10:47,342 But don't tell Coach Hillridge that. 231 00:10:47,425 --> 00:10:51,179 Why do you care so much about whether you're DEI or not? DEI is fab. 232 00:10:51,262 --> 00:10:53,473 I have a lot of DEI friends actually. 233 00:10:53,556 --> 00:10:56,517 And plus, like, no one even knows why anyone hires anyone. 234 00:10:56,601 --> 00:10:59,145 Like, they just gave me an assistant at work for the first time 235 00:10:59,228 --> 00:11:00,938 and I purposely hired someone, like, 236 00:11:01,022 --> 00:11:03,524 really bad so I would look better in comparison. 237 00:11:03,608 --> 00:11:04,776 You have an assistant? 238 00:11:04,859 --> 00:11:07,028 Yeah, Devian. She's horrible. 239 00:11:07,111 --> 00:11:10,990 I don't know, I just don't feel like I can go into work with my head held high, 240 00:11:11,074 --> 00:11:14,661 knowing that my teaching abilities had very little to do with me being hired. 241 00:11:14,744 --> 00:11:15,912 Oh, my God. Wait. 242 00:11:15,995 --> 00:11:19,082 Okay, I have an idea. It's maybe one of my best ever. 243 00:11:19,165 --> 00:11:20,958 What if you interviewed at my company? 244 00:11:21,042 --> 00:11:23,586 No, no, no, I don't want to leave my job. 245 00:11:23,670 --> 00:11:26,673 I just think that it's weird why I got hired. 246 00:11:26,756 --> 00:11:30,009 Also, your company is so sketchy and scary to me. 247 00:11:30,093 --> 00:11:32,011 No, you wouldn't have to actually work at Mugu. 248 00:11:32,095 --> 00:11:35,431 It's more of, like, a social experiment, like MrBeast. 249 00:11:35,515 --> 00:11:38,893 Like you interview at my job and pretend to be straight and white. 250 00:11:38,976 --> 00:11:42,438 Hmm. Pretend I'm straight and white, and that way I could 251 00:11:42,522 --> 00:11:44,816 prove that I'm good enough to work at Mugu? 252 00:11:44,899 --> 00:11:47,527 Exactly. To prove that it's easier to get a job 253 00:11:47,610 --> 00:11:48,695 as a straight, white guy. 254 00:11:48,778 --> 00:11:52,573 And to prove to Grant that you're not some, like, box he can check off. 255 00:11:55,243 --> 00:11:57,036 I think that's an insane idea. 256 00:12:00,081 --> 00:12:02,125 - Malcolm, this is so stupid. 257 00:12:02,208 --> 00:12:04,961 I don't know how you talked me into this, exclamation point. 258 00:12:06,754 --> 00:12:09,173 It's cool that they have kombucha here all the time though. 259 00:12:09,257 --> 00:12:11,050 I'm having one, period. 260 00:12:11,134 --> 00:12:12,844 Do you have one every day, question mark? 261 00:12:16,514 --> 00:12:19,183 Okay, I'm-I'm… I'm leaving. I'm-I'm not gonna do this. 262 00:12:22,478 --> 00:12:25,148 - Evan Marks? - Oh. 263 00:12:26,524 --> 00:12:27,650 Yeah, that's me. 264 00:12:30,153 --> 00:12:32,655 Well, listen, we're always looking for energetic, competent people, 265 00:12:32,739 --> 00:12:34,407 - and I love your attitude. - Thanks. 266 00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:36,743 Yeah, but I'd love to know a little bit more about you. 267 00:12:36,826 --> 00:12:40,288 You know, what you do in your spare time. What makes Evan Marks tick? 268 00:12:40,371 --> 00:12:44,292 You know, I'm just a regular guy. I like Barstool Sports. 269 00:12:44,375 --> 00:12:49,547 And I'm in a running club that's, like, basically turning into an IPA club lately. 270 00:12:49,630 --> 00:12:50,631 Eh oh! 271 00:12:50,715 --> 00:12:52,592 Yeah, just whenever I'm looking for something to watch, 272 00:12:52,675 --> 00:12:55,470 I fire up some Nate Bargatze on the TV and— 273 00:12:55,553 --> 00:12:57,096 Oh. Nice, man, love him. 274 00:12:57,180 --> 00:12:58,181 Yeah. - Yeah. 275 00:12:58,264 --> 00:13:01,267 You know, me and my wife will order in some Thai food 276 00:13:01,350 --> 00:13:02,894 and then we just make out basically. 277 00:13:02,977 --> 00:13:08,357 She and I, we'll just lay together in bed and you know what happens after that so… 278 00:13:08,441 --> 00:13:11,611 Hmm. Well, look, we usually go through more of an intense process 279 00:13:11,694 --> 00:13:12,737 bringing on new team members, 280 00:13:12,820 --> 00:13:17,200 but I think it is safe to say there's definitely a place for you here at Mugu. 281 00:13:18,701 --> 00:13:22,413 - What? Ju-Just like… Just like that? Yeah, sometimes it's that easy. 282 00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:24,123 We'll be in touch within the week, get you an offer. 283 00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:25,917 Oh, that's awesome, man. Thank you. 284 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:30,421 It's-It's so nice to be hired for, you know, just me, just who I really am. 285 00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:31,631 Yeah, of course. 286 00:13:31,714 --> 00:13:34,383 You know, we're always looking for more diverse voices around the office. 287 00:13:34,467 --> 00:13:37,845 I know the whole country is moving away from the DEI thing, but not Mugu. 288 00:13:38,346 --> 00:13:40,723 - What are you talking about? - Well, come on, Evan. 289 00:13:41,390 --> 00:13:43,476 All that stuff about your wife, you don't need to fool anybody. 290 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:46,103 I'm gay too. Okay? It's all right. 291 00:13:46,187 --> 00:13:48,439 Plus I'm getting a little bit of a Latino vibe. 292 00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,441 You got a big butt. It's nice. 293 00:13:51,692 --> 00:13:55,780 Hell yeah. First away game at Missouri. That'll be a fun-ass trip. 294 00:13:55,863 --> 00:13:57,031 - Hey, Markie. - Hey. 295 00:13:57,114 --> 00:13:59,784 Hey. What are you doing in here? You never come in here. 296 00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:01,661 What, are they fumigating your office? 297 00:14:01,744 --> 00:14:04,038 I just came in here to, like… I don't know… 298 00:14:05,081 --> 00:14:07,542 agree with you or like commiserate or something. 299 00:14:07,625 --> 00:14:09,710 Oh, yeah, what's up? I don't know. I just… 300 00:14:09,794 --> 00:14:11,921 I-I came from this stupid job interview that I just did 301 00:14:12,004 --> 00:14:15,925 to, like, prove a point, and it made me basically realize you… 302 00:14:16,008 --> 00:14:17,051 you were right. 303 00:14:17,134 --> 00:14:18,386 DEI is bad. 304 00:14:18,469 --> 00:14:20,555 - You're agreeing with me? I don't know. 305 00:14:20,638 --> 00:14:22,890 I guess I thought all this, like, social progress was good, 306 00:14:22,974 --> 00:14:25,726 but now I see that, like, these-these programs are just… 307 00:14:26,227 --> 00:14:29,772 they're kind of stupid, and they hurt people who think that… 308 00:14:29,856 --> 00:14:34,110 that they were talented enough to get their jobs on their own merits, you know. 309 00:14:34,193 --> 00:14:35,820 I mean, great. I'm happy to hear it. 310 00:14:35,903 --> 00:14:38,322 I'm glad you're finally coming around, but here's the thing. 311 00:14:38,406 --> 00:14:40,992 Without DEI, I don't think I'd be friends with a gay guy. 312 00:14:42,201 --> 00:14:43,911 Yeah, that's probably true. 313 00:14:43,995 --> 00:14:47,498 And now look at us, a Hispanic gay man and a badass straight dude. 314 00:14:47,999 --> 00:14:50,209 Amigos, right? That's crazy, right? 315 00:14:50,293 --> 00:14:52,503 I don't think I'd call it crazy, but I see your point. 316 00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:57,049 No, it's crazy. I'm fired up now. Think, like, lesbians, for example. 317 00:14:57,133 --> 00:14:59,176 If left to their own devices, what are they gonna do? 318 00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:02,388 Hang out with other lesbians exclusively and then what happens? 319 00:15:02,471 --> 00:15:05,182 You end up with a fire department, only lesbians. 320 00:15:05,266 --> 00:15:07,101 I've seen some jacked-ass lesbians, don't get me wrong, 321 00:15:07,184 --> 00:15:10,813 but like you need a couple big strong dudes in the mix. 322 00:15:10,897 --> 00:15:12,773 We need the government to come in and make sure 323 00:15:12,857 --> 00:15:14,775 there's big strong dudes in the mix, you know? 324 00:15:14,859 --> 00:15:16,485 You're losing me with this one, but I… I hear you. 325 00:15:16,569 --> 00:15:18,029 That's all right, man. 326 00:15:18,112 --> 00:15:20,573 At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is the stuff within 327 00:15:20,656 --> 00:15:24,327 a three mile radius of me, where I live, you know what I'm saying? 328 00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:26,787 - Mm-hmm. - The job, the school, the restaurants. 329 00:15:27,371 --> 00:15:30,541 Man, we got great restaurants around here. We take them for granted too. 330 00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:34,003 The barbecue alone… - Yeah, I mean, honestly, in all of this, 331 00:15:34,086 --> 00:15:37,214 I think I haven't been really thinking about the students enough. 332 00:15:37,298 --> 00:15:39,759 I could do barbecue. I could do barbecue right now. 333 00:15:39,842 --> 00:15:43,721 Burgers? I do burgers. I'll do wings. I'm not… I mean, I'm hungry— 334 00:15:43,804 --> 00:15:46,140 Markie, I… I did not agree to go to lunch with you. 335 00:15:46,223 --> 00:15:48,726 I think you got lost in your own head, but thank you for this. 336 00:15:48,809 --> 00:15:50,102 All right, man. All right. 337 00:15:50,186 --> 00:15:53,064 Let's go to lunch tomorrow. - I do pizza too. 338 00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:54,815 Hey, Bob, can I talk to you for a second? 339 00:15:54,899 --> 00:15:57,652 Let me just finish this Memoji video for my new wife. 340 00:15:57,735 --> 00:16:02,198 Honey, that was funny as hell. I love you now and always. 341 00:16:02,281 --> 00:16:05,159 Send. Oh, she's so much better than my ex. 342 00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:06,661 Okay, go ahead. 343 00:16:07,328 --> 00:16:10,247 I know you think that we should feel really lucky to be graced 344 00:16:10,331 --> 00:16:14,460 by your presence here at our humble high school, but I think the real 345 00:16:14,543 --> 00:16:17,129 reason that you're here is because you're desperate. 346 00:16:17,213 --> 00:16:20,132 What in tarnation is this all about? 347 00:16:20,216 --> 00:16:23,219 Last year, Tech goes 11-3, 36 points per game. 348 00:16:23,302 --> 00:16:26,764 Wow, their quarterback coach must be amazing, but you look a little 349 00:16:26,847 --> 00:16:30,393 deeper and you're last in the country in yards per attempt. 350 00:16:30,476 --> 00:16:34,605 Your starter looks like shit against a cupcake like Kent State, 351 00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:36,649 after a bye week no less. 352 00:16:36,732 --> 00:16:39,819 And the best you can do at QB in the transfer portal 353 00:16:39,902 --> 00:16:42,405 is that third stringer Reeves from Louisville? 354 00:16:42,488 --> 00:16:44,657 - So yeah, I think you're desperate. 355 00:16:44,740 --> 00:16:47,076 You need Bradley and you need a good quarterback. 356 00:16:47,159 --> 00:16:49,578 So what in tarnation are you all about? 357 00:16:49,662 --> 00:16:52,915 Sir, I'm so sorry about this. Gwen, can we talk for a second? 358 00:16:52,999 --> 00:16:54,000 Yeah. 359 00:16:56,085 --> 00:16:58,879 What the hell are you doing? This is Bob Ruby, okay? 360 00:16:58,963 --> 00:17:01,090 This is good for Bradley. This is good for me. 361 00:17:01,173 --> 00:17:03,426 Markie, he was never gonna give you a coaching job. 362 00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:06,429 It's true. I heard Bob Ruby say so. 363 00:17:08,639 --> 00:17:09,640 Yeah, I said it. 364 00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:12,852 I'll say and do whatever it takes to get the players we want. 365 00:17:12,935 --> 00:17:15,354 Look, Bob Ruby doesn't need this headache. 366 00:17:16,355 --> 00:17:18,649 - So I'ma head out. Ugh. 367 00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:19,900 Okay. 368 00:17:21,569 --> 00:17:22,987 Damn. 369 00:17:23,070 --> 00:17:26,157 What, he offer you a job with all that football knowledge you got now? 370 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,826 Honestly, I have no idea what I said. Bradley wrote it out for me. 371 00:17:28,909 --> 00:17:31,787 It was like memorizing a poem in Latin. 372 00:17:31,871 --> 00:17:34,498 Well, I appreciate y'all just ripping the Band-Aid off, 373 00:17:34,582 --> 00:17:36,834 you know, the truth hurts, but it heals, right? 374 00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:38,961 - Come on, bud. Seriously. 375 00:17:39,045 --> 00:17:42,381 Going through this whole process just made me realize… 376 00:17:42,465 --> 00:17:44,300 …I don't even like football. 377 00:17:44,383 --> 00:17:45,593 What are you talking about? 378 00:17:45,676 --> 00:17:49,847 I just wanna work at the dump with my dad. 379 00:17:52,308 --> 00:17:53,350 What? 380 00:17:53,434 --> 00:17:55,186 I just wanna work at the dump with my dad. 381 00:17:55,269 --> 00:17:56,312 Okay. 382 00:17:56,979 --> 00:17:59,648 You don't want to play ball anymore, you ain't got to play ball anymore. 383 00:18:01,108 --> 00:18:03,194 - Hit the showers. Thanks, Coach Hillridge. 384 00:18:05,362 --> 00:18:08,074 I guess I'll have to wait for the Dallas Cowboys to come calling 385 00:18:08,157 --> 00:18:10,242 - after all, huh? - Where's the fucking parking lot? 386 00:18:10,326 --> 00:18:11,994 Just shove it up your ass, Bob. 387 00:18:12,078 --> 00:18:13,287 Fuck this. 388 00:18:13,370 --> 00:18:14,789 I'm going to Hooters. 389 00:18:16,874 --> 00:18:18,751 - All right, guys, gather round. 390 00:18:18,834 --> 00:18:20,086 Gather round. 391 00:18:20,169 --> 00:18:21,504 All right, let's talk. 392 00:18:21,587 --> 00:18:23,964 First of all, I want to apologize for some of the comments I made 393 00:18:24,048 --> 00:18:25,174 in our last session. 394 00:18:25,257 --> 00:18:27,218 Like when you told Pablo to stop being Mexican? 395 00:18:27,301 --> 00:18:29,136 - I did not say that. - Kinda did. 396 00:18:29,220 --> 00:18:33,140 Okay, well, what I want to say now is that I understand that life isn't fair, 397 00:18:33,224 --> 00:18:34,934 but there's actually nothing wrong 398 00:18:35,017 --> 00:18:38,229 with playing the hand of cards that you were dealt. Okay? 399 00:18:38,312 --> 00:18:41,065 So we're gonna stay here tonight and write these essays for 400 00:18:41,148 --> 00:18:43,484 as long as it takes, and you know what you're gonna do? 401 00:18:43,567 --> 00:18:47,279 You're gonna use every card in your deck. You're a legacy, use that. 402 00:18:47,363 --> 00:18:49,448 You've got familial trauma, use that. 403 00:18:49,532 --> 00:18:52,827 You're the first in your family to go to college, use that. 404 00:18:52,910 --> 00:18:54,495 Use who you are. 405 00:18:54,578 --> 00:18:57,540 If you got it, flaunt it. Stop fucking around. 406 00:18:57,623 --> 00:18:59,375 If you're weird, be weird. 407 00:18:59,458 --> 00:19:02,002 You don't get any points in life for being a martyr, okay? 408 00:19:02,086 --> 00:19:04,755 So you might as well take everything you've got and throw it at the wall. 409 00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:06,298 My dad does that with food. 410 00:19:06,382 --> 00:19:08,592 Guys, I just got off the phone with UT. 411 00:19:08,676 --> 00:19:11,512 They're looking for bisexuality or anxiety. 412 00:19:11,595 --> 00:19:14,140 So if you've got either one of those, put that in the essay. 413 00:19:14,223 --> 00:19:18,102 And if you got both, cha-ching, that's the jackpot, baby. 414 00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:20,771 There's pizza and coffee in the back. 415 00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:24,650 I am here to help you make these essays world-changing. 416 00:19:24,733 --> 00:19:26,902 - Let's get to work. - I get first dibs. I'm the oldest. 417 00:19:26,986 --> 00:19:29,572 Evan. I wanted to share this with you. It's the, uh… 418 00:19:29,655 --> 00:19:32,158 It's your file from your interview. You can see my notes. 419 00:19:32,241 --> 00:19:35,119 - "Evan Marquez, diversity candidate… - Mm-hmm. 420 00:19:35,202 --> 00:19:37,371 Immediately got into an argument with me over 421 00:19:37,454 --> 00:19:40,374 the student dress code, which he deemed fascist. 422 00:19:40,457 --> 00:19:44,545 - If hired, will be a giant pain in my ass, 423 00:19:44,628 --> 00:19:47,173 but will always go above and beyond for his students." 424 00:19:47,256 --> 00:19:48,257 - See? Very nice. 425 00:19:48,340 --> 00:19:50,843 Yeah, I was right on both counts. 426 00:19:50,926 --> 00:19:53,345 I think it's probably a little much to call me a giant pain in the ass. 427 00:19:53,429 --> 00:19:54,930 Well, agree to disagree. 428 00:19:57,391 --> 00:19:59,977 Man, I have never seen him so happy. 429 00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:02,104 Yeah, that kid really loves the dump. 430 00:20:02,188 --> 00:20:03,606 He sure does. 431 00:20:03,689 --> 00:20:05,107 Oh, no, ma'am, thank you. 432 00:20:05,191 --> 00:20:08,277 I'm happy for him, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still 433 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,488 butthurt from Bob Ruby dangling that job in front of my face. 434 00:20:12,114 --> 00:20:13,574 Hi, Coach Markie. 435 00:20:13,657 --> 00:20:14,700 This is so cool. 436 00:20:14,783 --> 00:20:16,827 There's no crying anymore, huh? 437 00:20:18,037 --> 00:20:20,831 God. God, there's an amazing energy here. 438 00:20:20,915 --> 00:20:21,999 Dad, we can take batteries, yeah? 439 00:20:22,082 --> 00:20:24,001 Yeah, I got to learn to not get my hopes up. 440 00:20:24,084 --> 00:20:26,253 I bet the reason you didn't get the job is 441 00:20:26,337 --> 00:20:29,673 because they went with, like, a diversity hire or something. 442 00:20:29,757 --> 00:20:31,800 Yeah, yeah, I bet that's it, Markie. 443 00:20:31,884 --> 00:20:33,636 You don't have to feel bad about that. 444 00:20:33,719 --> 00:20:35,554 Yeah, you're probably right. 445 00:20:36,472 --> 00:20:39,016 I just hope they don't give it to a woman, you know. 446 00:20:39,099 --> 00:20:40,267 Markie.