1 00:00:13,904 --> 00:00:17,658 Look, I don't like the evacuation drills either, but they're not my ideas. 2 00:00:17,741 --> 00:00:20,077 - It's state-mandated. - State-mandated. 3 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:22,579 You love 'em, you hate them. It doesn't matter. We have to do them. 4 00:00:22,663 --> 00:00:25,415 He literally doesn't care how you guys feel about anything. 5 00:00:25,499 --> 00:00:30,045 Okay, anyway, next bit of business I'm gonna pass on to Mr. Santana. Rick. 6 00:00:30,128 --> 00:00:32,923 What is going on? Rick is, like, second-in-command? 7 00:00:33,006 --> 00:00:35,634 I don't know what's going on. I talked to Grant about it. He won't say. 8 00:00:35,717 --> 00:00:37,719 Putting Rick in any kind of authority position is insane. 9 00:00:37,803 --> 00:00:39,638 That's a really bad idea. 10 00:00:39,721 --> 00:00:41,765 Guys, can we keep the chatter to a minimum? 11 00:00:41,849 --> 00:00:42,933 This is a fucking nightmare. 12 00:00:43,016 --> 00:00:46,979 Starting today, we are gonna be welcoming Corporal Sergeant… 13 00:00:47,062 --> 00:00:48,856 Or is it first something? 14 00:00:48,939 --> 00:00:50,732 First Sergeant? No, first responder. 15 00:00:50,816 --> 00:00:52,526 Lieutenant Colonel. Whatever. 16 00:00:52,609 --> 00:00:55,237 A US Army guy to the school to do some recruiting. 17 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,573 - Oh, my God. - Yeah! He's gotta be a sergeant, at least. 18 00:00:57,656 --> 00:01:01,326 - An E-5, at least, to do recruiting. - Recruiting. Fucking euphemism. 19 00:01:01,410 --> 00:01:04,329 No, no, no, no, no. It's just a word. Don't euphemize this. 20 00:01:04,413 --> 00:01:06,248 - Okay. I just have to say… - Evan? Evan? 21 00:01:06,331 --> 00:01:07,624 - Just let me say… - You already said it. 22 00:01:07,708 --> 00:01:09,334 - Do we really want to be encouraging this? - Yes. 23 00:01:09,418 --> 00:01:12,462 - Yes, of course. We have no choice. - Yes. College people came last week. 24 00:01:12,546 --> 00:01:16,300 Good schools, bad schools, schools I don't even think exist. 25 00:01:16,383 --> 00:01:18,594 - Like, literally, what is Grinnell? - That's a real college. 26 00:01:18,677 --> 00:01:20,596 Someone told me they got into Grinnell last year. 27 00:01:20,679 --> 00:01:22,806 I literally thought they were making that up to save face. 28 00:01:22,890 --> 00:01:24,808 This army recruiter is coming to the school 29 00:01:24,892 --> 00:01:27,603 to basically try to convince these students into joining the army, 30 00:01:27,686 --> 00:01:29,521 where they're put into serious danger. 31 00:01:29,605 --> 00:01:31,982 It's literally the plot of All Quiet on the Western Front. 32 00:01:32,065 --> 00:01:34,151 This coming from the guy who brought a drag queen to school. 33 00:01:34,234 --> 00:01:36,028 - That was funny. - Is this a gays in the military thing? 34 00:01:36,111 --> 00:01:39,948 No, but now you bring that up, the military just banned trans people, 35 00:01:40,032 --> 00:01:41,658 - so, yeah, it is. - Do not look at me there, bud. 36 00:01:41,742 --> 00:01:44,244 - I play Call of Duty as a trans character. - Good for you. 37 00:01:44,328 --> 00:01:46,455 - Huge knockers on her too. - Damn. Those sound big. 38 00:01:46,538 --> 00:01:49,374 You're yapping away because you feel left out. 39 00:01:49,458 --> 00:01:52,127 You feel the same way about the military that you do football. 40 00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:54,588 You don't get it. So now you gotta take a moral stance against it. 41 00:01:54,671 --> 00:01:55,923 You just want to be included. 42 00:01:56,006 --> 00:01:58,216 You think I don't like the military because I don't feel included? 43 00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:00,385 - And here we are, living in Evan's house. - No. No. 44 00:02:00,469 --> 00:02:03,138 - We're all just paying rent. - Hey, adjourn it, adjourn it. 45 00:02:03,221 --> 00:02:04,848 - Meeting adjourned. - You have adjourning powers? 46 00:02:04,932 --> 00:02:06,266 Meeting adjourned. - This is insane. 47 00:02:06,350 --> 00:02:07,601 Grab me an apple pie at lunch. 48 00:02:07,684 --> 00:02:10,228 - Already? - I guess I'll just take the shortcut. 49 00:02:10,312 --> 00:02:12,147 There's no shortcut. 50 00:02:12,230 --> 00:02:14,524 Gwen. There's only one way to class. 51 00:02:22,950 --> 00:02:24,034 Hey, James. 52 00:02:27,829 --> 00:02:29,122 Be right in, guys. 53 00:02:29,206 --> 00:02:33,710 Churchill! Hello, FDR. We need you. 54 00:02:33,794 --> 00:02:36,171 Shut that for me. We need you to destroy them! 55 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:44,012 France just got overtaken, and the bombs are going off. This is crazy. 56 00:02:44,096 --> 00:02:45,597 The Luftwaffe… 57 00:02:46,348 --> 00:02:48,100 The bombs are just exploding. 58 00:02:48,183 --> 00:02:49,810 - Shh. - Couldn't even be in class 59 00:02:49,893 --> 00:02:51,436 without being afraid. 60 00:02:53,271 --> 00:02:54,982 - Oh, my God. - The bombs. Crazy, right? 61 00:02:55,065 --> 00:02:57,025 - Jennifer Lopez is still alive. - No way. 62 00:02:57,109 --> 00:03:00,362 Guys, oh, my God. Are you all on your phones? Seriously? 63 00:03:00,445 --> 00:03:02,364 What are you listening to, a YouTube video? 64 00:03:02,447 --> 00:03:05,075 - A podcast. - What podcasts would talk about that? 65 00:03:05,158 --> 00:03:06,201 Stars That Are Alive. 66 00:03:06,284 --> 00:03:08,870 - Is this what you're looking at? - I'm not listening to that. I'm texting. 67 00:03:08,954 --> 00:03:11,915 Okay, guys, enough. I worked so hard on this lesson. 68 00:03:11,999 --> 00:03:14,876 Okay, now none of you are looking at me. Everybody look at me. 69 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,086 Ms. Sanders, we're multitasking. 70 00:03:16,169 --> 00:03:18,505 Okay, we could look at our phones and pay attention to you. 71 00:03:18,588 --> 00:03:21,675 Right. So you were multitasking. Okay, so what was I talking about? 72 00:03:21,758 --> 00:03:23,176 Some shit about Jennifer Lopez. 73 00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:25,262 - Oh, yeah, her middle name's Lynn. - See? 74 00:03:25,345 --> 00:03:28,765 Okay, I am going to get the bin. That's right. 75 00:03:28,849 --> 00:03:33,020 I've been the nice teacher, you guys. I'm your favorite teacher. I know I am. 76 00:03:33,103 --> 00:03:34,938 But now we're just gonna collect these phones. 77 00:03:35,022 --> 00:03:36,857 What? No, wait up. 78 00:03:36,940 --> 00:03:39,276 We're collecting the phones at the beginning of class in the bin. 79 00:03:39,359 --> 00:03:40,944 You're already more focused, huh? Jason, let's go. 80 00:03:41,028 --> 00:03:42,904 Hold on. I'ma FaceTime my grandma. She's in the hospital. 81 00:03:42,988 --> 00:03:46,116 No! This is not your grandma. This is Candy Crush. 82 00:03:46,199 --> 00:03:48,452 - She needs help. She's got arthritis. - All grandmas have arthritis. 83 00:03:48,535 --> 00:03:50,120 Give me your phones. In the bin! 84 00:03:50,203 --> 00:03:51,204 What's a Fly Girl? 85 00:03:51,288 --> 00:03:52,873 Oh, my God, I'm so excited to teach you now. 86 00:03:52,956 --> 00:03:54,833 This is gonna be so much better. Ah! 87 00:03:54,916 --> 00:03:57,753 And the key is the bin. Trust me, guys, you gotta use the bin. 88 00:03:57,836 --> 00:03:59,796 - You gotta do the bin. - You sound like Seinfeld. 89 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,673 You gotta do the bin. Bin, bin, bin. 90 00:04:01,757 --> 00:04:03,675 It's simple. It's like a drug to them. It's like heroin. 91 00:04:03,759 --> 00:04:05,552 Every classroom has a bin for this reason, 92 00:04:05,635 --> 00:04:07,304 so I'm just actually doing something about it. 93 00:04:07,387 --> 00:04:10,098 - I'm enforcing it. - Like they should be doing at the border. 94 00:04:10,182 --> 00:04:12,434 - Collecting people's phones? - No. Enforcing the law. 95 00:04:12,517 --> 00:04:14,519 - Oh, my God. - I love this Italian dressing. 96 00:04:14,603 --> 00:04:15,729 It's, like, sour. Sour. 97 00:04:15,812 --> 00:04:18,398 There he is. Damn, look at that guy. 98 00:04:18,482 --> 00:04:20,609 That… I mean, guy is legit, dude. 99 00:04:20,692 --> 00:04:22,694 Put anybody in that outfit, they look like G.I. Joe. 100 00:04:22,778 --> 00:04:24,571 That guy could probably crack open a lobster claw 101 00:04:24,654 --> 00:04:25,947 without a lobster claw opener. 102 00:04:26,031 --> 00:04:27,115 That is such a weird metric. 103 00:04:28,950 --> 00:04:30,535 - Come meet my guy. - He gets a whistle now? 104 00:04:30,619 --> 00:04:31,995 - We should go say hi. - I don't understand 105 00:04:32,079 --> 00:04:34,122 - what this new level of authority is. - Be nice. You be nice. 106 00:04:34,206 --> 00:04:36,124 Nice. Ev, I see it in your eyes, dude. 107 00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:37,751 - Don't do it, please. - Uh-huh. 108 00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:40,045 Don't bring up the military-industrial complex. 109 00:04:40,128 --> 00:04:43,298 All I'm asking is show him some respect. 110 00:04:43,381 --> 00:04:45,008 He puts his life on the line for you. 111 00:04:45,092 --> 00:04:47,135 Probably sits at a desk all day in Virginia, so… 112 00:04:47,219 --> 00:04:49,679 We should really go. I mean, he's gotta stop blowing that whistle. 113 00:04:49,763 --> 00:04:51,556 Don't say anything. Bite your tongue. 114 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:55,185 Seth, these are the original homies. We got Markie, Evan, Gwen. 115 00:04:55,268 --> 00:04:57,813 Hi. You know, thank you for your service. 116 00:04:57,896 --> 00:04:59,439 Thank you. Evan. What's your— 117 00:04:59,523 --> 00:05:01,441 Yeah, Evan. Or, actually, in the confines of the school, 118 00:05:01,525 --> 00:05:03,026 I prefer Mr. Marquez. Thanks. 119 00:05:03,110 --> 00:05:05,320 I respect that, and I appreciate your candor. 120 00:05:05,403 --> 00:05:08,824 And also speaking of the school, I have a list of students, 121 00:05:08,907 --> 00:05:11,743 and we've got quite a few here, that just aren't gonna do shit with their lives, 122 00:05:11,827 --> 00:05:13,912 and I'll show each and every one of them to you. 123 00:05:13,995 --> 00:05:15,580 Fish in a barrel type situation for you. 124 00:05:15,664 --> 00:05:18,416 We only want the young adults who choose to be with us. 125 00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:21,628 Right. Yeah, no, yeah, exactly. That's what I'm… Yeah. 126 00:05:21,711 --> 00:05:23,088 You and I are a lot alike, brother. 127 00:05:23,171 --> 00:05:25,632 I was in ROTC. Almost signed up too. 128 00:05:25,715 --> 00:05:27,342 - I appreciate your effort. - Thanks for trying, bud. 129 00:05:27,425 --> 00:05:31,680 So what, these kids are on a simulated VR battlefield or something? 130 00:05:31,763 --> 00:05:33,640 I mean, clearly they're looking for mines right now. 131 00:05:33,723 --> 00:05:36,560 - Where are they? Syria? Fallujah, even? - Not at all, Michael. 132 00:05:36,643 --> 00:05:38,687 - Markie— - This is an immersive experience 133 00:05:38,770 --> 00:05:40,689 where they get to see what it's like to be a soldier firsthand. 134 00:05:40,772 --> 00:05:44,109 This is so sick. I'm literally the first one on the plane. 135 00:05:44,192 --> 00:05:46,486 That guy's my favorite. He should be on the front lines. 136 00:05:46,570 --> 00:05:47,946 They're boarding an airplane? 137 00:05:48,029 --> 00:05:49,656 Well, they're boarding first, as soldiers do. 138 00:05:49,739 --> 00:05:52,534 - Damn right. - I have as much overhead room as I'd like. 139 00:05:52,617 --> 00:05:53,618 This is ridiculous. 140 00:05:53,702 --> 00:05:55,453 I think it's cool. I think it's cool as shit. 141 00:05:55,537 --> 00:05:57,747 - It's not cool, Mikey. - Markie. 142 00:05:57,831 --> 00:06:00,083 - It's informative. - Right. No, I was saying "cool," 143 00:06:00,167 --> 00:06:01,543 you know, just for myself. 144 00:06:01,626 --> 00:06:03,211 I was being informative by saying it out loud 145 00:06:03,295 --> 00:06:05,797 and also for Mr. Marquez here, to inform him. 146 00:06:05,881 --> 00:06:08,008 So, I guess that… 147 00:06:08,091 --> 00:06:10,093 - So that will wrap it up. - Do your stuff. 148 00:06:10,177 --> 00:06:12,429 You guys are welcome back, but you gotta behave next time. 149 00:06:12,512 --> 00:06:16,600 You know, I never do this, but I'll actually have a tomato juice. Thank you. 150 00:06:16,683 --> 00:06:18,059 Are they in first class? 151 00:06:23,023 --> 00:06:26,610 Okay, guys, Ms. Sanders is doing this, so we're gonna try it too. 152 00:06:26,693 --> 00:06:28,195 - Phones in the bin. Phones in the bin. 153 00:06:28,278 --> 00:06:29,863 - God, I love this bin. - That's fascism. 154 00:06:29,946 --> 00:06:32,908 There will never be a reason why you need cell phones in class. 155 00:06:32,991 --> 00:06:36,286 So what if there's an emergency? What if my stepdad's girlfriend calls me? 156 00:06:36,369 --> 00:06:38,413 Why would your stepdad's girlfriend call you, Tiffany? 157 00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:39,748 - To talk. - That's cool. 158 00:06:39,831 --> 00:06:42,334 We have a landline in here in case the office needs to call. 159 00:06:42,417 --> 00:06:45,921 - Does anybody know how this works? - What are these old 2000s phones? 160 00:06:46,004 --> 00:06:49,216 Do you, guys… Give me your real phones. Why do you have second phones? 161 00:06:49,299 --> 00:06:50,675 In case someone takes our phones away. 162 00:06:50,759 --> 00:06:53,720 Today, I want you all to write essays by hand. 163 00:06:53,803 --> 00:06:56,306 Could you text my mom and ask her if I'm right- or left-handed? 164 00:06:56,389 --> 00:06:57,474 Okay, everybody just relax. 165 00:06:57,557 --> 00:06:59,100 Tray, is your back okay? Why are you standing? 166 00:06:59,184 --> 00:07:01,311 Are we not supposed to stand when we write? It's what you do. 167 00:07:01,394 --> 00:07:03,188 - I'm done with this one. Thank you. 168 00:07:04,689 --> 00:07:07,067 I need to take that. My doctor died. 169 00:07:07,150 --> 00:07:10,028 Landlines are just cell phones now. It's not connected to anything. 170 00:07:11,696 --> 00:07:14,532 - I did not notice a difference. - Yeah, I had some hiccups today. 171 00:07:14,616 --> 00:07:16,076 - Hey, team. - Oh, my God. 172 00:07:16,159 --> 00:07:17,702 I'm opening up the VR experience to the teachers. 173 00:07:17,786 --> 00:07:19,287 Yeah, I'll definitely be down for that. 174 00:07:19,371 --> 00:07:20,956 Rick's in it right now, but… 175 00:07:21,039 --> 00:07:24,334 I'm on the plane even before this family with six kids. 176 00:07:24,417 --> 00:07:26,795 Get out of the way, bitch. I'm boarding. 177 00:07:26,878 --> 00:07:29,130 - That looks fun. - Dude, those Oakleys are sick. 178 00:07:29,214 --> 00:07:30,632 Are they Standard Issue? 179 00:07:30,715 --> 00:07:32,759 They got polarization for enhanced target acquisition? 180 00:07:33,385 --> 00:07:34,552 I got 'em at Ross. 181 00:07:34,636 --> 00:07:36,304 - Whoa. 182 00:07:36,388 --> 00:07:37,389 You can get good deals there. 183 00:07:37,472 --> 00:07:40,141 Becca, are you wearing a sweatshirt that says "Kuwait"? 184 00:07:40,225 --> 00:07:43,019 Yeah, Kuwait. I made it because I'm enlisting in the army or whatever. 185 00:07:43,103 --> 00:07:45,063 - There you go. - You're enlisting in the army? 186 00:07:45,146 --> 00:07:47,524 - And you're going to Kuwait? - I don't know, probably. 187 00:07:47,607 --> 00:07:49,651 Seth told me I won't know where I'm deployed for a while. 188 00:07:49,734 --> 00:07:52,070 He's so smart. He made all these really good points 189 00:07:52,153 --> 00:07:55,031 about seeing the world and how expensive college is 190 00:07:55,115 --> 00:07:57,701 and something called "priority checked baggage." 191 00:07:57,784 --> 00:07:59,619 Becca, don't let this guy trick you 192 00:07:59,703 --> 00:08:03,123 into going to fight some war in the Middle East. 193 00:08:03,206 --> 00:08:04,833 It's just nation building. 194 00:08:07,544 --> 00:08:10,547 Cool. How long do you think he's spent on that pickleball court? 195 00:08:10,630 --> 00:08:12,507 Dude, time does not exist when you're unemployed 196 00:08:12,590 --> 00:08:14,509 and that dude is chronically unemployed. 197 00:08:14,592 --> 00:08:17,637 That's why the WNBA actually loses more money than it makes. 198 00:08:17,721 --> 00:08:21,016 Nick is still out there so late? - Building a pickleball court is cool. 199 00:08:21,099 --> 00:08:22,851 Hello. - My guy! 200 00:08:22,934 --> 00:08:24,686 Somebody texted me, said you guys are hanging out? 201 00:08:24,769 --> 00:08:25,812 Who texted him? 202 00:08:26,396 --> 00:08:28,606 That would be me. Guilty as charged, Your Honor. 203 00:08:28,690 --> 00:08:30,525 I'm a staff sergeant, Markie, not a judge. 204 00:08:30,608 --> 00:08:32,444 Well, no, I know. I was just saying it to Evan. 205 00:08:32,527 --> 00:08:34,612 He's not a judge either. He's an English teacher. 206 00:08:34,696 --> 00:08:36,197 Right on. Right you are, brother. 207 00:08:36,281 --> 00:08:40,076 I invited you over 'cause I thought you could use a little well-deserved R & R 208 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:41,411 while here in our beautiful city. 209 00:08:41,494 --> 00:08:43,038 What can we get you? We got beer. 210 00:08:43,121 --> 00:08:44,247 - Right? We got seltzer. - Yeah. 211 00:08:44,331 --> 00:08:46,833 - I'm fine. - Agua, brew of the gods. 212 00:08:46,916 --> 00:08:49,627 Yeah. - Well, mi casa, su casa, so… 213 00:08:49,711 --> 00:08:52,339 - This is your house? - No, but, you know, I wish. 214 00:08:52,422 --> 00:08:57,344 It's actually my house, and I want to just make sure you know that this is for you. 215 00:08:57,427 --> 00:08:58,428 Thank you. 216 00:08:58,511 --> 00:09:00,680 I'm gonna start paying my taxes 'cause of guys like you. 217 00:09:03,975 --> 00:09:06,519 This so crazy. What are we supposed to do? What's the protocol? 218 00:09:06,603 --> 00:09:08,438 I don't know. This whole thing is so messed up. 219 00:09:08,521 --> 00:09:12,317 Like, he's basically just indoctrinating our students all day, 220 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,236 and now we're supposed to just chill with him and act like it's normal? 221 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:16,404 - Yeah. - Hey. 222 00:09:17,030 --> 00:09:19,991 I gotta get some pretzels at the old mess hall. 223 00:09:20,742 --> 00:09:23,244 John McCain, right? Oh… 224 00:09:23,328 --> 00:09:24,829 Do you like movies, Evan? 225 00:09:24,913 --> 00:09:27,415 Uh, do I like movies? Yeah, I don't know. 226 00:09:27,499 --> 00:09:29,250 People, everybody likes movies, don't they? 227 00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:32,212 I mean, who doesn't fucking like movies? 228 00:09:32,295 --> 00:09:34,130 - What are you doing? - Just looking for Looper. 229 00:09:34,214 --> 00:09:37,300 - The Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie? - You've never seen Looper? 230 00:09:37,384 --> 00:09:41,513 It's like a future self killing a past self, or vice versa? 231 00:09:41,596 --> 00:09:42,639 That sounds fun. 232 00:09:42,722 --> 00:09:46,518 It's a little more than fun, Evan. It's extremely important film. 233 00:09:46,601 --> 00:09:48,186 - Oh. - Yeah. 234 00:09:48,269 --> 00:09:50,980 Listen, Seth, I need to talk to you about Becca. 235 00:09:51,064 --> 00:09:53,858 - Which one's Becca? - Becca, the blonde girl 236 00:09:53,942 --> 00:09:56,069 that you recruited into the US military. 237 00:09:56,152 --> 00:09:57,320 Right. Becca. 238 00:09:57,404 --> 00:09:59,114 I'm not sure why she thinks she's going to Kuwait. 239 00:09:59,197 --> 00:10:01,616 There's a chance that you ruined Becca's life, 240 00:10:01,699 --> 00:10:06,579 and you did that with a lot of lies and a lot of promises of early boarding. 241 00:10:06,663 --> 00:10:09,457 I didn't promise her anything. She came to me and said she was lost. 242 00:10:09,541 --> 00:10:12,377 I told her this could give her some structure, discipline. 243 00:10:13,002 --> 00:10:14,254 Set the stage for her future life. 244 00:10:14,337 --> 00:10:17,298 She has no idea what's going on, basically ever. 245 00:10:17,382 --> 00:10:19,050 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 246 00:10:19,134 --> 00:10:21,219 Am I the first military service member you've ever met? 247 00:10:21,302 --> 00:10:24,431 No. No, I've met army people. 248 00:10:24,514 --> 00:10:28,476 Well, maybe you're the first one I've ever, like, talked to in depth. Yeah. 249 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:31,271 I understand. Everybody has their own opinions about the military, 250 00:10:31,354 --> 00:10:34,315 and they forget that it's not some big scary, abstract monolith. 251 00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:36,484 It's hundreds of thousands of individuals coming together 252 00:10:36,568 --> 00:10:38,153 to do something they actually believe in. 253 00:10:39,028 --> 00:10:41,072 Just like you do with teaching. 254 00:10:41,823 --> 00:10:43,825 I mean, it's not a bad point. 255 00:10:43,908 --> 00:10:46,411 Don't really know anything about the military unless you count, 256 00:10:46,494 --> 00:10:47,745 like, going to Barry's Bootcamp. 257 00:10:47,829 --> 00:10:48,913 - You do Barry's? - I know. 258 00:10:48,997 --> 00:10:51,291 I know, it's not like actual boot camp. 259 00:10:51,374 --> 00:10:53,209 No, no, no, no, it's a great workout. 260 00:10:53,293 --> 00:10:56,921 Believe it or not, those calisthenics, very similar to what we do in boot camp. 261 00:10:57,005 --> 00:10:58,214 - Oh, really? - Mm-hmm. 262 00:10:58,298 --> 00:11:00,425 I thought… I thought it was, like, a gimmick. 263 00:11:00,508 --> 00:11:02,469 If you're doing that daily, you're probably in better shape 264 00:11:02,552 --> 00:11:04,721 - than most of the guys down at the base. - No, I'm not. 265 00:11:04,804 --> 00:11:08,057 What y'all laughing about? Me eating shit at the top of the stairs just now? 266 00:11:08,141 --> 00:11:09,976 You fell down the stairs? We didn't see that. 267 00:11:10,059 --> 00:11:11,936 - Yeah. You know, that happens. - You're bleeding. 268 00:11:12,020 --> 00:11:15,356 - No, that was like that. No big deal. - So what's the appeal, Evan? 269 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:16,441 Is it the physical results 270 00:11:16,524 --> 00:11:18,651 or the mental toughness it takes to push yourself every day? 271 00:11:18,735 --> 00:11:22,614 I think it's just I'm not gonna work out as hard unless somebody's yelling at me. 272 00:11:22,697 --> 00:11:25,700 You gotta be broken down before you can be built back up first, am I right? 273 00:11:25,783 --> 00:11:27,452 Yeah. 274 00:11:27,535 --> 00:11:29,454 If you want to go to Barry's with me, you're welcome. 275 00:11:29,537 --> 00:11:31,623 Thanks, man. That'd be awesome. Yeah. Hell yeah. 276 00:11:31,706 --> 00:11:34,709 Hey, Seth, do you do army recruiting for adults? 277 00:11:34,792 --> 00:11:36,878 - I do. - Wait, come meet my boyfriend, Nick. 278 00:11:36,961 --> 00:11:38,922 - See ya in a bit. Yeah. - See ya. 279 00:11:39,631 --> 00:11:41,591 He's kind of, like, cooler than I thought. 280 00:11:41,674 --> 00:11:43,593 - Can I ask you something, Ev? - Mm-hmm. 281 00:11:43,676 --> 00:11:44,844 Something off about that guy? 282 00:11:45,428 --> 00:11:47,055 Don't think there's anything off about him. 283 00:11:47,138 --> 00:11:52,602 He seems normal enough for somebody who stands for everything I object to. 284 00:11:52,685 --> 00:11:55,271 Nah. Something's off, man. 285 00:11:55,355 --> 00:11:57,607 And then as soon as I start showing Seth some respect, 286 00:11:57,690 --> 00:11:59,901 which is exactly what Markie was, like, nagging me about, 287 00:11:59,984 --> 00:12:01,945 Markie suddenly says there's something "off" about him. 288 00:12:02,028 --> 00:12:03,029 His feelings were hurt. 289 00:12:03,112 --> 00:12:08,076 'Cause, like, Markie likes being your one straight, loud, hetero friend, right? 290 00:12:08,159 --> 00:12:09,410 This is not a threat to that. 291 00:12:09,494 --> 00:12:11,746 You know, you met somebody else and you just immediately, 292 00:12:11,829 --> 00:12:14,999 like, jump ship to this new, better masculine friend. 293 00:12:15,083 --> 00:12:17,168 - Did Markie tell you this? - No, he didn't need to. Oh, my God. 294 00:12:17,252 --> 00:12:20,088 So I didn't mean to do that. Does that get me any points? 295 00:12:20,171 --> 00:12:21,881 No one ever means to do anything these days. 296 00:12:21,965 --> 00:12:23,466 Am I supposed to talk to Markie about this? 297 00:12:23,550 --> 00:12:25,843 No, he's already hurt. You don't wanna embarrass him. 298 00:12:25,927 --> 00:12:28,054 This feels very 15-year-old girl social-clique-coded. 299 00:12:28,137 --> 00:12:30,348 Like I'm supposed to cry in the bathroom until he notices. 300 00:12:30,431 --> 00:12:32,809 No, don't cry in the bathroom. You cry in your car like an adult. 301 00:12:32,892 --> 00:12:35,436 Great workout this morning. 302 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,605 - Did so many jump squats. - I got something for you. 303 00:12:37,689 --> 00:12:40,441 Right, Federal Flakes. These are really cool. 304 00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:42,569 - But it's good you keep them— - Insane amount of protein. 305 00:12:42,652 --> 00:12:44,153 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude. - Yeah. 306 00:12:44,237 --> 00:12:45,780 - Hell yeah. All right. All right. 307 00:12:47,073 --> 00:12:48,074 How's it going? 308 00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:50,451 It's going. 309 00:12:50,952 --> 00:12:53,871 - Okay, did you see the game last night? - Yeah, man. 310 00:12:54,455 --> 00:12:56,332 - Down to the wire, right? - Yeah. 311 00:12:56,416 --> 00:12:58,876 What did you think? You thought they were gonna call that on fourth down? 312 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,712 I don't know. I'm just trying to make conversation. 313 00:13:00,795 --> 00:13:02,505 Yeah, I figured. 314 00:13:04,757 --> 00:13:07,093 - You're mad at me, aren't you? - No, come on. 315 00:13:07,176 --> 00:13:09,012 What do I have to be mad about? What? What? 316 00:13:09,095 --> 00:13:10,847 - What have you decided I'm mad about? - You're mad. 317 00:13:10,930 --> 00:13:13,182 You're mad I've been hanging out with Seth and connecting with him. 318 00:13:13,266 --> 00:13:15,018 No, it's all good. I don't care about that at all. 319 00:13:15,101 --> 00:13:16,102 Yo, Ev. 320 00:13:16,686 --> 00:13:17,895 Drop and give me five? 321 00:13:18,396 --> 00:13:20,023 Drop and give me five. 322 00:13:20,106 --> 00:13:22,817 It was an inside joke from Barry's this morning. 323 00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:25,320 He's lying about something. He's fucking full of shit. 324 00:13:25,403 --> 00:13:28,364 - What? - That guy is a fraud. 325 00:13:28,448 --> 00:13:29,866 That's not even his real voice. 326 00:13:29,949 --> 00:13:33,119 Hey, Evan. Evan, do you want to go work out at Barry's Bootcamp? 327 00:13:33,202 --> 00:13:35,121 - Some people talk like that. - I'm just saying, dude. 328 00:13:35,204 --> 00:13:37,123 - I don't want to see you get tricked. - Tricked into what? 329 00:13:37,206 --> 00:13:40,084 He's gonna enlist me in the military? We went to an exercise class together. 330 00:13:40,168 --> 00:13:41,377 - Hey, guys. - What? 331 00:13:41,461 --> 00:13:42,837 I gotta talk to Seth about… 332 00:13:43,630 --> 00:13:45,298 some adjustments that need to be made. 333 00:13:45,381 --> 00:13:48,593 So if anyone starts shooting, just try to stop it. 334 00:13:48,676 --> 00:13:51,679 Rick, how would we stop somebody shooting? 335 00:13:51,763 --> 00:13:52,847 I don't know, man. 336 00:13:52,930 --> 00:13:55,016 - It's more just a gesture. - Whoa. 337 00:13:55,099 --> 00:13:57,810 Do you think it's weird that Rick is, like, in charge of stuff now? 338 00:13:57,894 --> 00:14:01,189 I feel like I just can't figure out if Grant is actually giving him these powers 339 00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:03,483 or if he's, like, freestyling. 340 00:14:03,566 --> 00:14:04,734 I hadn't noticed. 341 00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:07,362 This is so weird. 342 00:14:07,445 --> 00:14:10,156 This may be the first time you've ever been mad at me. 343 00:14:10,239 --> 00:14:12,241 I am not mad, okay? 344 00:14:12,325 --> 00:14:14,035 You would know it if I was mad, brother. 345 00:14:14,118 --> 00:14:16,454 This is me on high alert. That's all this is. 346 00:14:16,537 --> 00:14:17,747 I am intuitive. 347 00:14:24,087 --> 00:14:25,088 Yeah. 348 00:14:28,341 --> 00:14:30,051 Exactly, exactly. 349 00:14:30,134 --> 00:14:33,971 So Reverend Hale is no longer the same character 350 00:14:34,055 --> 00:14:35,264 as he was in act one, right? 351 00:14:35,348 --> 00:14:39,227 He was a true believer before, but now he's starting to have these doubts. 352 00:14:39,310 --> 00:14:43,064 So what Tiffany was saying, that's what we call a dynamic character, right? 353 00:14:43,606 --> 00:14:44,607 Y'all, who's that man? 354 00:14:45,525 --> 00:14:46,693 Who? 355 00:14:49,070 --> 00:14:51,739 I don't know. That's just some guy. Guys, focus up. 356 00:14:51,823 --> 00:14:53,825 I feel like we should call someone. That man looks ill. 357 00:14:53,908 --> 00:14:56,411 I'm sure he's like a landscaper. He's out doing something with the bushes. 358 00:14:56,494 --> 00:14:58,538 I don't think people do landscaping in UGGs. 359 00:14:58,621 --> 00:15:01,916 He's cute. Can I have my phone, please? I need to take a picture of him. 360 00:15:01,999 --> 00:15:04,794 No, no, no. We're doing really good. Focus up. Look, no phones… 361 00:15:04,877 --> 00:15:06,921 - I think he's trying to tell us something. - Reverend… 362 00:15:07,004 --> 00:15:09,757 Just stop, stop looking out here. Focus, focus. 363 00:15:09,841 --> 00:15:12,802 - You guys are addicted to distractions. - I'm addicted to the old man now. 364 00:15:12,885 --> 00:15:15,555 Take your phones. Now you can check your notifications. 365 00:15:15,638 --> 00:15:17,598 - Good class. Tomorrow we're doing… - I got that too. 366 00:15:17,682 --> 00:15:19,559 - What's up? - We got a silver alert. 367 00:15:19,642 --> 00:15:21,728 Silver alert? What is that? That's like a missing senior? 368 00:15:21,811 --> 00:15:24,480 Missing endangered adult Rodrick Hauser. 369 00:15:24,564 --> 00:15:26,733 If I have a son, I'm totally naming him Rodrick. 370 00:15:26,816 --> 00:15:28,651 We could have saved him if we had our phones. 371 00:15:28,735 --> 00:15:30,737 You think that's that guy? That's… 372 00:15:30,820 --> 00:15:32,697 - Last seen in gray sweatpants… - Guys. 373 00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:33,990 - …and UGGs. - And UGGs. 374 00:15:34,073 --> 00:15:35,408 I'm sure that's a coincidence. 375 00:15:35,491 --> 00:15:37,869 - How many old men do you think there are? - Shit. 376 00:15:38,786 --> 00:15:41,581 My granddad died like this. Because of people like you. 377 00:15:42,665 --> 00:15:43,875 I don't want you to feel bad. 378 00:15:43,958 --> 00:15:47,170 I'm just saying we probably literally would have found this old guy 379 00:15:47,253 --> 00:15:48,588 if the kids had had their phones. 380 00:15:48,671 --> 00:15:49,964 And you told us not to have our phones. 381 00:15:50,047 --> 00:15:51,883 Yeah, but you shouldn't have shut the blinds on him. 382 00:15:51,966 --> 00:15:53,718 I shut the blind 'cause I thought it was a landscaper. 383 00:15:53,801 --> 00:15:55,219 Evan. Great news. I spoke with the police. 384 00:15:55,303 --> 00:15:56,763 What? They found him? He's okay? 385 00:15:57,263 --> 00:15:58,306 I don't know that. 386 00:15:58,389 --> 00:16:01,601 But they said we bear no responsibility, so I'm taking it as a win. 387 00:16:01,684 --> 00:16:04,020 Hey, boss, I'll see you tomorrow, at which point we can circle back 388 00:16:04,103 --> 00:16:06,355 on those issues of which we've previously spoken. 389 00:16:06,439 --> 00:16:09,025 What issues? Grant, just stop for a second. 390 00:16:09,108 --> 00:16:11,611 What actually is the deal with Rick's new position? 391 00:16:11,694 --> 00:16:14,781 - Yeah, is he like your deputy now? - Oh, shit. Old man, 10:00. 392 00:16:14,864 --> 00:16:16,699 Oh, God, not on school property. Keep walking. 393 00:16:16,783 --> 00:16:18,534 - Keep walking. - This is like It Follows. 394 00:16:18,618 --> 00:16:19,619 Should I call the cops? 395 00:16:20,161 --> 00:16:22,663 140 yards out, south by southeast. He's movin'. 396 00:16:22,747 --> 00:16:24,165 I don't think he's gonna get way, Markie. 397 00:16:24,248 --> 00:16:26,292 He is. Oh, shit, he's… Wait, should I do something? 398 00:16:26,375 --> 00:16:27,710 - Leave that to me. - Oh, my God. 399 00:16:27,794 --> 00:16:30,213 - Seth, what are you doing here? - I just wanted to come say… 400 00:16:30,713 --> 00:16:32,298 I really enjoyed getting to know you. 401 00:16:33,049 --> 00:16:34,842 That's so nice of you. Thank you. 402 00:16:35,426 --> 00:16:36,677 Here you go. 403 00:16:36,761 --> 00:16:38,304 Looper, that's awesome. 404 00:16:38,387 --> 00:16:41,933 Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take out my loop. 405 00:16:42,850 --> 00:16:44,143 You think that's your loop? 406 00:16:44,227 --> 00:16:47,063 - All right. - I don't have any way to watch this. 407 00:16:47,146 --> 00:16:49,065 It's time to close the loop! 408 00:16:49,148 --> 00:16:50,483 - Oh, my God. - I haven't seen the movie. 409 00:16:50,566 --> 00:16:52,443 What does that mean if he's gonna take out his loop? 410 00:16:52,527 --> 00:16:54,570 - Everybody move! - Over the red line. 411 00:16:54,654 --> 00:16:56,364 Over the red line. Over the red line. 412 00:16:57,156 --> 00:16:59,242 - Yes! Yes! Yes! - Oh, my God! 413 00:16:59,325 --> 00:17:01,452 - Oh, my God, I'm so glad I have my phone. - Keep filming this. 414 00:17:01,536 --> 00:17:04,539 - This man is from the future! - Yes, yes, yes. 415 00:17:04,622 --> 00:17:09,043 I mean, that's horrible, but it's horrible over there and someone else's problem. 416 00:17:09,126 --> 00:17:10,586 Stand down! Stand down! 417 00:17:11,254 --> 00:17:13,589 Okay, maybe I don't want to join the army anymore. 418 00:17:14,090 --> 00:17:16,008 Don't like the way they treat old people. 419 00:17:16,092 --> 00:17:18,886 I mean, I was just starting to warm up to the idea of you enlisting. 420 00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:21,472 A lot of benefits. It could add structure to your life. 421 00:17:21,556 --> 00:17:23,432 I wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting into. 422 00:17:23,516 --> 00:17:25,685 It's all gonna make sense in 30 years. 423 00:17:26,352 --> 00:17:28,229 Do you think the Time War is real? 424 00:17:28,312 --> 00:17:29,438 What is that? 425 00:17:29,522 --> 00:17:32,316 Evan! I did this for you! 426 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:36,153 Seth, the armed forces recruiter, he won't be joining us anymore. 427 00:17:36,237 --> 00:17:40,908 We now know that he was lying about his qualifications, exaggerating his rank. 428 00:17:40,992 --> 00:17:41,993 The dude was insane. 429 00:17:42,076 --> 00:17:46,330 He said that his role in the military was to get rid of all the loopers on Earth. 430 00:17:46,414 --> 00:17:47,874 Told ya. I knew it. 431 00:17:47,957 --> 00:17:50,167 I recognize stolen valor when I see it. 432 00:17:50,251 --> 00:17:52,378 Maybe the military will send a real recruiter. 433 00:17:52,461 --> 00:17:54,630 The military sent this guy to our school? 434 00:17:54,714 --> 00:17:57,049 - I mean, I hired him. I hired him. - Oh, my God. 435 00:17:57,133 --> 00:17:58,509 Calm! Let me explain. 436 00:17:58,593 --> 00:18:00,887 I met the dude at an army surplus store. 437 00:18:00,970 --> 00:18:02,889 He seemed legit 'cause he sounded like Batman. 438 00:18:02,972 --> 00:18:05,141 Said he had a message to the kids about the future. 439 00:18:05,224 --> 00:18:07,101 And then I found out he got dishonorably discharged. 440 00:18:07,184 --> 00:18:08,895 And that one wasn't a red flag for you? 441 00:18:08,978 --> 00:18:11,022 I thought "dishonorably discharged" meant he came early. 442 00:18:11,105 --> 00:18:13,149 Oh, my God. - I didn't know it was some other shit. 443 00:18:13,232 --> 00:18:16,068 Can we agree to just not tell anyone about any of this? 444 00:18:16,152 --> 00:18:17,278 We won't tell anybody. 445 00:18:17,361 --> 00:18:20,823 Don't mention this to anybody ever again. All right? Okay. 446 00:18:20,907 --> 00:18:23,075 All right, guys, meeting adjourned. 447 00:18:23,826 --> 00:18:25,286 - Meeting adjourned, guys. 448 00:18:25,369 --> 00:18:27,622 - Hey! Meeting adjourned. - Meeting adjourned. Meeting adjourned. 449 00:18:27,705 --> 00:18:29,457 Oh, thank you so much. 450 00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:31,208 - What a week. - Indeed, brother. 451 00:18:31,292 --> 00:18:32,376 Insane week. 452 00:18:33,044 --> 00:18:35,087 Are we good, Markie, you and me? 453 00:18:35,171 --> 00:18:38,049 What? Why are you being so emotional this week? 454 00:18:38,132 --> 00:18:39,300 I don't know. 455 00:18:39,383 --> 00:18:42,470 You know, I was thinking about this stuff you said about being included, 456 00:18:42,553 --> 00:18:43,930 and I think you're kind of right. 457 00:18:44,555 --> 00:18:46,766 I did feel left out of military stuff. 458 00:18:46,849 --> 00:18:51,812 The second Seth made me feel like I was a part of it, I kind of liked it. 459 00:18:51,896 --> 00:18:56,359 Yeah, now you know I'm always right. About everything, in my opinion. 460 00:18:56,943 --> 00:18:58,903 We all just want to be included, don't we? 461 00:18:59,904 --> 00:19:03,032 I don't give a shit about being included. I'm independent. 462 00:19:03,115 --> 00:19:04,116 Right. 463 00:19:05,409 --> 00:19:07,870 You know what I was thinking we never done? We always talk about it? 464 00:19:07,954 --> 00:19:09,997 - Yeah? What? - Working out together. 465 00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:12,208 I've offered so many times, but you blow it off, 466 00:19:12,291 --> 00:19:13,834 so I just kind of figured you weren't into it. 467 00:19:13,918 --> 00:19:14,919 How about Saturday? 468 00:19:15,002 --> 00:19:16,212 - Saturday morning? Yeah. - For real? 469 00:19:16,295 --> 00:19:19,340 Hit the weights, do some power squats, military press? 470 00:19:19,423 --> 00:19:22,051 I was thinking more maybe like go to Barry's Bootcamp. 471 00:19:24,470 --> 00:19:26,138 That's too gay for me, but… 472 00:19:27,390 --> 00:19:29,725 You know what, man, fuck it. You wanna do it? Let's do it. 473 00:19:29,809 --> 00:19:30,977 I'd love to. 474 00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:32,520 - Awesome. - Yeah? Text me. 475 00:19:32,603 --> 00:19:34,522 Hey, you don't happen to have a DVD player, do you? 476 00:19:34,605 --> 00:19:36,440 Single disc or like a 5-disc changer? 477 00:19:37,024 --> 00:19:38,526 - Single's good. Cool.