1 00:01:05,393 --> 00:01:07,604 Okay, everyone. Settle down. 2 00:01:07,687 --> 00:01:10,232 Mr. Marquez showing up at the nick of time, per usual. 3 00:01:10,315 --> 00:01:14,694 Okay, so speaking of on time, pizzas will be here at 9:00 p.m. 4 00:01:14,778 --> 00:01:18,406 - and lock-in lights out 11:00 p.m. Whoo! 5 00:01:19,950 --> 00:01:22,953 11:00 p.m. for the Morrison-Hensley Dragons? 6 00:01:23,036 --> 00:01:25,664 - That is crazy. - I say midnight! 7 00:01:25,747 --> 00:01:28,500 - No way. - Midnight! Midnight! 8 00:01:28,583 --> 00:01:31,795 Midnight! Midnight! Midnight! Midnight! Midnight! 9 00:01:31,878 --> 00:01:33,421 Just make it midnight. It's always midnight. 10 00:01:33,505 --> 00:01:35,590 Yeah, no shit, dude. This is just part of the fun. Watch. 11 00:01:35,674 --> 00:01:40,178 Okay. Okay. You win. Midnight it is. 12 00:01:40,262 --> 00:01:42,347 - I did that! 13 00:01:42,430 --> 00:01:46,977 And if you don't have your checklist for the big lock-in scavenger hunt, 14 00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:48,436 I have extras right here. 15 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,522 All right, so let's keep the fun at a ten, 16 00:01:50,605 --> 00:01:53,567 and the horseplay and the grab-ass to a minimum. 17 00:01:53,650 --> 00:01:57,404 And whoever's shoe that is, give it back to him. 18 00:01:57,487 --> 00:01:59,656 I'd actually like both of them back, please. 19 00:01:59,739 --> 00:02:01,074 - Really? - Oh, shit. 20 00:02:02,242 --> 00:02:03,827 - I don't know how people do this. - Do what? 21 00:02:03,910 --> 00:02:07,581 Like, stay up this late. I woke up at five to go to Barry's. 22 00:02:07,664 --> 00:02:09,374 My body at 9:00 p.m. is, like, out. 23 00:02:09,457 --> 00:02:12,961 - Malcolm texting. - Malcolm. I can't. I can't right now. 24 00:02:13,044 --> 00:02:16,923 He wants to have these long relationship conversations all the time lately. 25 00:02:17,007 --> 00:02:18,341 I'm just gonna talk to him tomorrow. 26 00:02:18,425 --> 00:02:22,721 All right. Let's vote on 2025 Academic Achievement Awards. 27 00:02:22,804 --> 00:02:24,431 Rick, let's just do this Monday. 28 00:02:24,514 --> 00:02:28,935 No, Grant gave me this task in confidence, so we're gonna get it done. 29 00:02:29,019 --> 00:02:31,438 - Plus, it'll take ten minutes tops. - That's not true. 30 00:02:31,521 --> 00:02:34,107 All the various teachers have put in their final selections. 31 00:02:34,191 --> 00:02:37,068 All we need to do is rubber-stamp it and boom, we're done. 32 00:02:37,152 --> 00:02:39,946 Ugh, I love it. It's like a conclave. Close the door! Lower the blinds! 33 00:02:40,030 --> 00:02:42,657 - I'm trying to have fun. 34 00:02:42,741 --> 00:02:43,825 Yeah, I'm having fun. 35 00:02:43,909 --> 00:02:46,161 Okay, I hereby and forthwith call this meeting to order. 36 00:02:46,244 --> 00:02:47,996 First up, Spanish Award. 37 00:02:48,079 --> 00:02:51,124 But if… Wait. We are giving these awards to the students that are the best, right? 38 00:02:51,208 --> 00:02:53,627 Yes, that's the definition of an award. 39 00:02:53,710 --> 00:02:56,880 Yeah, okay, man. But there's been a lot of backsliding in regards 40 00:02:56,963 --> 00:02:58,173 to these awards in the past few years. 41 00:02:58,256 --> 00:03:02,510 Like Terry Troutman, he's already gonna get the award in English and in Physics, 42 00:03:02,594 --> 00:03:05,931 but does he deserve the award in History too? Yeah, he does. 43 00:03:06,014 --> 00:03:08,767 But here's the thing, we got to give it to the second-best History student, 44 00:03:08,850 --> 00:03:10,143 so everyone feels included. 45 00:03:10,227 --> 00:03:12,729 Yeah, but Terry Troutman was a genius. 46 00:03:13,897 --> 00:03:16,816 Terry Troutman is a made-up name I was using as an example. 47 00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:18,235 Oh, fuck. 48 00:03:18,318 --> 00:03:20,153 My point is meritocracy. 49 00:03:20,237 --> 00:03:23,073 - We agree. I agree. Meritocracy. - We all agree with you. 50 00:03:23,156 --> 00:03:24,449 - Go ahead, Rick. - Let's go. 51 00:03:24,532 --> 00:03:26,743 Okay. First up, Spanish Award. 52 00:03:26,826 --> 00:03:32,582 With a 94.5 average, the top candidate is Maria Gonzalez. All in favor? 53 00:03:32,666 --> 00:03:34,626 - Good. Aye. - Aye. Yep, give it to her. 54 00:03:35,877 --> 00:03:39,839 Well, hold on, hold on. Look, I know this girl, okay. I know her parents. 55 00:03:39,923 --> 00:03:41,508 We all… They're Mexican Americans. 56 00:03:41,591 --> 00:03:43,843 - Oh, he's using Mexican American now? - It's fine she's Mexican American. 57 00:03:43,927 --> 00:03:45,553 - That is not the issue. - We know that's fine. 58 00:03:45,637 --> 00:03:47,180 - I am that. - Should we be giving her an award 59 00:03:47,264 --> 00:03:49,307 for something she's been doing since she was a baby? 60 00:03:49,391 --> 00:03:50,892 That's like giving you an award for whining. 61 00:03:50,976 --> 00:03:53,645 You're breaking your own meritocracy rule immediately. 62 00:03:53,728 --> 00:03:55,647 - I don't know. He's not totally wrong. - Thank you, Gwen. 63 00:03:55,730 --> 00:03:56,731 No, he is totally wrong. 64 00:03:56,815 --> 00:03:58,566 Markie, you're being annoying. You're acting like Evan acts. 65 00:03:58,650 --> 00:04:00,360 First of all, I can be far more annoying than this. 66 00:04:00,443 --> 00:04:02,904 Is this a thing you guys are saying now? That I'm annoying? I'm not annoying. 67 00:04:02,988 --> 00:04:04,447 Dude, you're annoying. 68 00:04:04,531 --> 00:04:06,658 Listen, I love you, but let me just make a point real quick. 69 00:04:06,741 --> 00:04:09,995 A Mexican girl winning a Spanish Award, it's not cheating, 70 00:04:10,078 --> 00:04:11,413 but it's definitely an unfair advantage. 71 00:04:11,496 --> 00:04:13,123 Gwen, you're being annoying. You're acting like Evan too. 72 00:04:13,206 --> 00:04:14,207 Give the prize 73 00:04:14,291 --> 00:04:16,167 to Maria Gonzalez, please. 74 00:04:16,251 --> 00:04:18,336 I move to say no. White women, am I right? 75 00:04:18,420 --> 00:04:21,548 Hey. Mr. Marquez, can we take a photo of you? 76 00:04:21,631 --> 00:04:23,800 - It's for the scavenger hunt. - Okay. 77 00:04:23,883 --> 00:04:25,760 Well, you guys just keep going without me. 78 00:04:25,844 --> 00:04:27,637 No, that would be malfeasance. 79 00:04:27,721 --> 00:04:30,390 - What the hell? - Okay, that's one demerit on malfeasance. 80 00:04:30,473 --> 00:04:31,808 I want them to take a picture with me. 81 00:04:31,891 --> 00:04:33,727 I still think we should give the award to someone else. 82 00:04:33,810 --> 00:04:36,730 You're the one who said this year it's all about meritocracy. 83 00:04:37,564 --> 00:04:39,983 I didn't expect a special case to come in this soon. 84 00:04:40,942 --> 00:04:43,153 Shit. That's some good wood, man. 85 00:04:43,236 --> 00:04:45,488 - It's mahogany. - Oh, my God. It's like 12 Angry Men. 86 00:04:45,572 --> 00:04:46,573 There's only four of us. 87 00:04:46,656 --> 00:04:49,701 One, two, three, cheese. - Oh, my God. 88 00:04:53,788 --> 00:04:54,789 What the fuck? 89 00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:59,961 Okay, Spanish Award for what's-her-name. I vote yes. 90 00:05:00,045 --> 00:05:02,505 - Did you… Did you just see that? - Did I see what? 91 00:05:02,589 --> 00:05:05,675 The two girls? They just… They flashed the camera when you took the picture. 92 00:05:05,759 --> 00:05:07,886 - They had flash on? - No, no. No, no. 93 00:05:07,969 --> 00:05:10,055 They flashed. They flashed the camera. 94 00:05:10,138 --> 00:05:11,431 - No. - Am I dreaming? 95 00:05:11,514 --> 00:05:13,683 - Did you guys see that? You're welcome. 96 00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:15,685 Right? - Wait, let me check this list again. 97 00:05:15,769 --> 00:05:18,146 Maybe I put something on here that was misinterpreted. 98 00:05:18,229 --> 00:05:21,316 Hang on! We're in the middle of voting. All in favor, say aye. 99 00:05:21,399 --> 00:05:22,484 - Aye. - Aye. 100 00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:23,568 - Nay. - No. 101 00:05:23,651 --> 00:05:25,487 - Oh, my God. - Deadlock. Okay, hmm… 102 00:05:25,570 --> 00:05:28,698 Let's just, uh, table this one and circle back to it at the end. 103 00:05:28,782 --> 00:05:30,241 - Hold on, this is very weird. - What do you mean? 104 00:05:30,325 --> 00:05:34,371 There's no take a picture of a teacher on this scavenger hunt. 105 00:05:34,454 --> 00:05:37,665 - Okay. - Oh, fuck. 106 00:05:37,749 --> 00:05:39,834 It's an unofficial scavenger hunt. 107 00:05:40,502 --> 00:05:42,295 Okay. Next up, Physics Award. 108 00:05:42,379 --> 00:05:43,922 I don't think you realize how serious this is. 109 00:05:44,005 --> 00:05:46,216 Do you guys remember that Cedar Park did an unofficial scavenger hunt? 110 00:05:46,299 --> 00:05:48,968 - I heard about that shit. - They do crazy shit on those lists. 111 00:05:49,052 --> 00:05:51,638 Like five students got suspended right before graduation. 112 00:05:51,721 --> 00:05:52,889 Maybe teachers could get fired. 113 00:05:52,972 --> 00:05:55,141 They're not doing an unofficial scavenger hunt. 114 00:05:55,225 --> 00:05:57,060 You are so paranoid about the students. 115 00:05:57,143 --> 00:06:00,522 I can prove it. In the unofficial scavenger hunts that I've heard of, 116 00:06:00,605 --> 00:06:02,565 there's one thing that they always do. 117 00:06:05,151 --> 00:06:06,611 I mean, technically we don't know this 118 00:06:06,694 --> 00:06:08,571 had anything to do with the unofficial scaven— 119 00:06:08,655 --> 00:06:11,157 Come on, man. What more proof do you need here? 120 00:06:11,241 --> 00:06:12,492 I honestly think this could be anything. 121 00:06:12,575 --> 00:06:15,578 Whenever there's a dirty scavenger hunt, this is the top of the list, for sure. 122 00:06:15,662 --> 00:06:18,039 Like, I get it doing this to an opposing team's field, 123 00:06:18,123 --> 00:06:20,417 but to do it to your own field is insane. 124 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,210 - That is depraved. Evan, come on. - You're right. 125 00:06:22,293 --> 00:06:23,503 - Ugh! - What? What? Where are we going? 126 00:06:23,586 --> 00:06:25,797 - We gotta go to the roof, come on. - To the roof? For what? 127 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,215 And I'm gonna go gather intel on this. 128 00:06:27,298 --> 00:06:31,052 Wait. Hang on. Guys, we need to be smart about this and remember our priorities. 129 00:06:31,136 --> 00:06:32,220 What? - Physics Award. 130 00:06:32,303 --> 00:06:34,681 - What the f… No. - Wait, no. I have to go figure this out. 131 00:06:34,764 --> 00:06:35,890 - Let's just do it inside. - No, wait. 132 00:06:35,974 --> 00:06:38,226 - Physics Award is an interesting one. - How's it interesting? Go. 133 00:06:38,309 --> 00:06:41,604 Well, for the first time in ten years, we have a female student right up there 134 00:06:41,688 --> 00:06:42,939 at the top for the Physics Award. 135 00:06:43,022 --> 00:06:44,899 You know what could solve that conundrum? Actual physics. 136 00:06:44,983 --> 00:06:46,901 Is she at the top or at the bottom? Where is she? 137 00:06:46,985 --> 00:06:50,822 Well, technically there's a male student who is 0.25 points above her, 138 00:06:50,905 --> 00:06:52,198 so it's a virtual tie. 139 00:06:52,282 --> 00:06:53,741 But a girl winning the Physics Award would be 140 00:06:53,825 --> 00:06:55,952 a huge boost for our women in STEM initiative. 141 00:06:56,035 --> 00:06:57,120 Gwen, a little help, please? 142 00:06:57,203 --> 00:06:59,289 No. I'm not just voting yes because she's a woman. 143 00:06:59,372 --> 00:07:00,790 We said merit-based voting, so no. No. 144 00:07:00,874 --> 00:07:03,042 I'm voting yes. I think it's good for a girl to get it. Yes. 145 00:07:03,126 --> 00:07:06,671 Yes. Deadlock. Tie. It's a tie. We'll circle back to this one at the end. 146 00:07:06,754 --> 00:07:09,466 Okay, so next up is the Calculus Award. 147 00:07:09,549 --> 00:07:11,968 Come inside, and maybe we'll think about the Calculus Award. 148 00:07:12,051 --> 00:07:15,763 Guys! I hereby move that we take a ten-minute break, and I motion that. 149 00:07:15,847 --> 00:07:18,057 So, I hereby… Get over here! 150 00:07:21,311 --> 00:07:25,190 Teenage boys love the roof. I don't know what it is, but it's a guarantee. 151 00:07:26,107 --> 00:07:28,902 Yeah, when I was a kid, I always wanted to go on the roof, but I never did. 152 00:07:28,985 --> 00:07:29,986 Why not? 153 00:07:30,069 --> 00:07:31,821 I don't know. People said it was really dangerous. 154 00:07:31,905 --> 00:07:33,740 Yeah. Well, I mean, I guess that's part of the allure. 155 00:07:33,823 --> 00:07:34,824 Yeah. 156 00:07:34,908 --> 00:07:39,954 Personally, I come up here to think. Speaking of, uh, got a question for you. 157 00:07:40,038 --> 00:07:41,456 Sure, what's up? 158 00:07:42,415 --> 00:07:43,416 Where do you go to church? 159 00:07:47,295 --> 00:07:48,505 Um… 160 00:07:49,422 --> 00:07:52,759 - I don't. - Like ever? That's just crazy to me, man. 161 00:07:52,842 --> 00:07:55,470 I didn't even know that was allowed. But then what are you doing on Sunday? 162 00:07:55,553 --> 00:07:57,805 On Sunday, I'm just trying to avoid going to brunch. 163 00:07:57,889 --> 00:08:00,099 And that takes all day? That's your whole day? 164 00:08:00,183 --> 00:08:02,519 Brunch is like church in the gay community. 165 00:08:02,602 --> 00:08:04,395 And I don't go to that church either. 166 00:08:04,479 --> 00:08:05,855 Wow, man. 167 00:08:07,732 --> 00:08:08,983 Here we go. Look. Right here. 168 00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:14,906 Hey! Hey! No, not tonight, boys. Back it up. Beep, beep, beep. 169 00:08:14,989 --> 00:08:17,575 - Be careful going down the stairs! - Aw, shit. 170 00:08:17,659 --> 00:08:19,827 All right, roof is cleared. Perimeter secured. Back to business. 171 00:08:19,911 --> 00:08:20,912 - God. - What's that? 172 00:08:20,995 --> 00:08:23,665 The unofficial scavenger hunt. It's way worse than I imagined. 173 00:08:23,748 --> 00:08:26,626 - Where'd you get that? - Why do you care about where I got it? 174 00:08:26,709 --> 00:08:28,294 The more important thing is, what is milkdudding? 175 00:08:28,378 --> 00:08:30,088 - You don't want to know, Red. - What is milkdudding? 176 00:08:30,171 --> 00:08:32,715 - You don't want to know, King. - Here, give me this, let me see. 177 00:08:32,799 --> 00:08:33,800 It's so bad. 178 00:08:33,883 --> 00:08:37,303 "Make out with the person you hated most freshman year." Kind of sweet. 179 00:08:37,387 --> 00:08:40,557 "Take an Erlenmeyer flask from the science lab and turn it into a bong." 180 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,183 I mean, that's a trade right there. 181 00:08:42,267 --> 00:08:44,602 Okay, you guys are not really taking this seriously. 182 00:08:44,686 --> 00:08:47,397 Do you see this one? "Flash your boobs in a picture with a teacher." 183 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,148 Mmm… - Guess what teacher they got doing that? 184 00:08:49,232 --> 00:08:51,484 I don't even want to get into the sex stuff on that list. 185 00:08:51,568 --> 00:08:53,069 We need help. I need to get help. 186 00:08:53,152 --> 00:08:56,447 Look at this, "Lick the middle urinal in the downstairs boys' bathroom." 187 00:08:56,531 --> 00:08:57,740 That's demonic. 188 00:08:57,824 --> 00:09:00,076 And again, you do not want to know what this is, 189 00:09:00,159 --> 00:09:01,828 but there it is in black and white. 190 00:09:02,453 --> 00:09:04,539 - "Get milkdudded." - What is milkdudding? 191 00:09:04,622 --> 00:09:06,416 Okay. - You tell us. 192 00:09:06,499 --> 00:09:07,917 - Why would I know? - Come on. 193 00:09:08,001 --> 00:09:09,002 - Gay dudes… - Gay dudes. 194 00:09:09,085 --> 00:09:11,004 …get up to all kinds of silly shit in the sack, right? 195 00:09:11,087 --> 00:09:12,422 Not milkdudding. 196 00:09:12,505 --> 00:09:14,674 Okay. So even y'all draw the line somewhere. 197 00:09:14,757 --> 00:09:16,175 Thank you so much. Please hurry. Yeah. 198 00:09:16,259 --> 00:09:18,052 Who is that? Who were you on the phone with? 199 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:19,887 You're not gonna like it. 200 00:09:29,397 --> 00:09:30,690 Thank God you're here, Sharon. 201 00:09:30,773 --> 00:09:32,483 We'll thank me when this is over. What's the brief? 202 00:09:32,567 --> 00:09:35,862 Okay, so we've got about 60 students on lock-in and we found this. 203 00:09:37,155 --> 00:09:40,241 - Jesus Christ. Jesus. - I know. 204 00:09:40,325 --> 00:09:42,201 - You did the right thing calling me. - Yeah. 205 00:09:42,285 --> 00:09:44,662 Wow. I like that. 206 00:09:45,788 --> 00:09:46,831 I like that. 207 00:09:46,914 --> 00:09:50,293 The things on this list I couldn't get my husband to do if I begged him. 208 00:09:50,376 --> 00:09:51,794 Oh. 209 00:09:51,878 --> 00:09:55,965 I mean, hands and knees, begged him on all fours. 210 00:09:56,049 --> 00:09:58,343 Oof. Yeah. What do we do? 211 00:09:59,385 --> 00:10:00,803 Let's get the team together. 212 00:10:00,887 --> 00:10:02,680 The teach… My teachers? The teachers? 213 00:10:03,931 --> 00:10:05,308 - Cavalry's here. - Oh, my God. 214 00:10:05,391 --> 00:10:06,517 - Yep. - Oh, hey. 215 00:10:06,601 --> 00:10:07,852 You brought Sharon? 216 00:10:07,935 --> 00:10:09,687 You guys got yourselves a real shit sandwich here. 217 00:10:09,771 --> 00:10:11,773 I don't think I would call it a shit sandwich, but— 218 00:10:11,856 --> 00:10:14,442 No, it's on the list. It's "Make and serve a real shit sandwich." 219 00:10:14,525 --> 00:10:16,569 - I have done that before. - That's hardly the worst of it. 220 00:10:18,279 --> 00:10:20,865 "Tattoo your best friend's initials on your butt." 221 00:10:20,948 --> 00:10:22,075 It's not that bad. 222 00:10:22,158 --> 00:10:23,201 Yeah, that seems fine. 223 00:10:23,284 --> 00:10:26,412 Most of the stuff on this list are for sheer shock value. 224 00:10:26,496 --> 00:10:28,623 Stuff so extreme, no one would actually do them. 225 00:10:28,706 --> 00:10:29,749 Like barf in your friend's mouth. 226 00:10:29,832 --> 00:10:33,461 Or "hook up with a redhead." But a tattoo is for life. 227 00:10:33,544 --> 00:10:36,422 - Yeah, I guess. I guess. 228 00:10:36,506 --> 00:10:38,007 - I know. - Mmm, yeah. 229 00:10:38,091 --> 00:10:41,552 Think we need to get out here. Do a little drive-by. 230 00:10:41,636 --> 00:10:44,472 - Yeah, let's do it, Sharon. 231 00:10:44,972 --> 00:10:47,850 - Rick, you didn't text me back. - Oh, sorry. 232 00:10:47,934 --> 00:10:49,227 - Gwen. Bye. 233 00:10:49,310 --> 00:10:50,645 Wait, Gwen, before you go. 234 00:10:50,728 --> 00:10:54,232 Calculus Award, top candidate is Ellen Anderson with a 78%. 235 00:10:54,315 --> 00:10:55,274 - Aye. - Aye. 236 00:10:55,358 --> 00:10:57,276 Isn't a 78% a C+? 237 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,780 Calculus is really hard, so I think a 78 is basically like 100. 238 00:11:00,863 --> 00:11:02,448 You know what, I'm siding with Rick on this one. 239 00:11:02,532 --> 00:11:04,200 We're supposed to be giving these awards for excellence, 240 00:11:04,283 --> 00:11:06,160 not just for whoever is the least mediocre. 241 00:11:06,244 --> 00:11:07,912 Okay, so who are you gonna give the Calculus Award to? 242 00:11:07,995 --> 00:11:10,415 Okay, that's 2-2. We're in a deadlock, so let's just— 243 00:11:10,498 --> 00:11:12,291 - Table it and circle back to it later? - Good idea. 244 00:11:12,375 --> 00:11:14,794 God. If we table everything and circle back to it later, 245 00:11:14,877 --> 00:11:16,129 we're going to be here till 2:00 a.m. 246 00:11:16,212 --> 00:11:19,132 Well then just stop fighting and vote on something. 247 00:11:19,215 --> 00:11:21,384 What time is it? I can't even keep my eyes open. 248 00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:23,469 It's 10:45, you sleepy hoe. 249 00:11:23,553 --> 00:11:25,263 You're gonna be here all night, dude. It's a lock-in. 250 00:11:25,346 --> 00:11:26,639 Rick, you're my proxy, okay. 251 00:11:26,723 --> 00:11:28,599 All in favor of Rick being my proxy, say aye. 252 00:11:28,683 --> 00:11:29,976 That would be a malfeasance. 253 00:11:30,059 --> 00:11:33,730 Did you see Gwen, by the way, when she's passionate like that? Her eyes, man. 254 00:11:33,813 --> 00:11:35,106 - I don't like that. Ugh. 255 00:11:35,189 --> 00:11:36,441 - Oh, Jesus. 256 00:11:36,524 --> 00:11:37,859 What is this shit? 257 00:11:39,193 --> 00:11:40,403 Ugh. 258 00:11:41,446 --> 00:11:43,239 Hey, babe. 259 00:11:45,533 --> 00:11:48,745 I swear I'm not avoiding you, Malcolm. I'm just tired. 260 00:11:48,828 --> 00:11:51,205 Why do you always want to have these talks at night? 261 00:11:51,289 --> 00:11:52,790 Why can't we talk about this in the morning? 262 00:11:52,874 --> 00:11:55,126 Because I wake up in an amazing mood every morning. 263 00:11:55,209 --> 00:11:57,628 I want to, like, come and listen to birds. 264 00:11:57,712 --> 00:11:59,380 I don't want to talk about, like, deep shit. 265 00:11:59,881 --> 00:12:01,924 Can I just remind you, I could be in Berlin right now, 266 00:12:02,008 --> 00:12:04,969 like, surrounded by guys who would love to stay up all night talking to me. 267 00:12:05,052 --> 00:12:07,054 Yeah, but those guys are on meth, Malcolm. 268 00:12:07,138 --> 00:12:09,557 I don't care what the reason is, as long as they're listening. 269 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:14,270 Just let me finish my work here, and then tomorrow we can talk about all of this. 270 00:12:14,353 --> 00:12:16,731 Work? You're a chaperone at a lock-in. 271 00:12:16,814 --> 00:12:19,400 Your job is to, like, eat pizza and confiscate vapes. 272 00:12:19,484 --> 00:12:22,695 By the way, if there are vapes that come in that aren't berry flavored, 273 00:12:22,779 --> 00:12:24,322 please give them to me. 274 00:12:24,405 --> 00:12:27,116 Oh, God. I can't do this anymore, baby. I can't do this anymore. 275 00:12:28,117 --> 00:12:32,538 What? Are… Are you breaking up with me? 276 00:12:32,622 --> 00:12:35,416 No, I'm not breaking up… I'm saying I can't do this anymore. 277 00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:36,501 Okay. 278 00:12:36,584 --> 00:12:39,504 I can't just pace up and down this hallway and talk about our relationship. 279 00:12:40,004 --> 00:12:41,339 This is not normal. 280 00:12:41,422 --> 00:12:44,926 Well, then what is normal, diva? Come on, like, just talk to me. 281 00:12:45,009 --> 00:12:47,512 Like, why aren't you taking advantage of our open relationship? 282 00:12:47,595 --> 00:12:50,765 And why aren't you getting more jealous of how much advantage I'm taking? 283 00:12:50,848 --> 00:12:53,518 Because it's, like, a lot. Like, two advantages a day. 284 00:12:53,601 --> 00:12:55,895 And why don't you ever want to go to brunch with me? 285 00:12:55,978 --> 00:12:58,898 My God, I am begging you, please just stop asking me questions. 286 00:12:58,981 --> 00:13:00,983 Why do you want me to stop asking you questions? 287 00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:03,277 Go home, Malcolm. - Evan! 288 00:13:03,861 --> 00:13:05,780 Ms. Sanders, we were just joking. 289 00:13:05,863 --> 00:13:07,657 It was, like, the funniest thing that we could think of. 290 00:13:07,740 --> 00:13:08,741 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 291 00:13:08,825 --> 00:13:10,535 You think this is funny? Does this feel funny right now? 292 00:13:10,618 --> 00:13:11,994 - Kinda, yeah. - Yeah. 293 00:13:12,078 --> 00:13:13,830 Do we think this is funny, Sharon? 294 00:13:17,124 --> 00:13:18,251 Look, I get it. 295 00:13:20,586 --> 00:13:21,754 It's fun to be shocking. 296 00:13:22,463 --> 00:13:27,051 We all get a little thrill when we're pushing the envelope, breaking taboos, 297 00:13:27,134 --> 00:13:31,472 but we all know that we can't do that sort of thing here in school, yeah? 298 00:13:31,556 --> 00:13:33,933 We actually weren't gonna do any of that stuff. 299 00:13:34,016 --> 00:13:36,352 Most of you guys are going to college next year, yeah? 300 00:13:36,435 --> 00:13:39,230 Exactly. And-And can you imagine if we reported this 301 00:13:39,313 --> 00:13:40,898 - and this is what was on your transcripts? - I got this, Gwen. 302 00:13:40,982 --> 00:13:41,983 Yeah. 303 00:13:42,942 --> 00:13:44,443 And when you get to college, 304 00:13:44,527 --> 00:13:48,865 you will be encountering so much stuff that will make this list… 305 00:13:48,948 --> 00:13:49,949 Show it to 'em. 306 00:13:50,783 --> 00:13:52,910 …look like an Easter egg hunt. 307 00:13:52,994 --> 00:13:56,247 My mom told me that if anyone was ever mean to me, I should call her. 308 00:13:56,330 --> 00:13:57,456 Huh. 309 00:13:58,374 --> 00:13:59,542 Don't sass her. 310 00:13:59,625 --> 00:14:03,087 Let me put it to you like this. You think that milkdudding is bad? 311 00:14:03,754 --> 00:14:06,257 Have you ever heard of a little thing called "Load Twins?" 312 00:14:06,340 --> 00:14:07,717 Okay. Okay, Sharon. 313 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,677 - "Tarantula Head?" Hmm? No. 314 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,096 "Flip Flop Fuck?" We can learn them all tonight. 315 00:14:12,179 --> 00:14:14,265 - I can't do that. - Where do we start? Alphabetically? 316 00:14:14,348 --> 00:14:17,977 - They got it. They got it. - A. Ass up. 317 00:14:18,060 --> 00:14:19,979 Okay. Not that. We're good. We're good, Sharon. 318 00:14:20,646 --> 00:14:25,693 I just like, the more we don't talk about our relationship, 319 00:14:25,776 --> 00:14:29,238 the more I strongly feel that we need to talk about it. 320 00:14:30,114 --> 00:14:32,199 Hey, are you even listening? What's going on? 321 00:14:32,283 --> 00:14:34,410 Malcolm, can we please just talk about this 322 00:14:34,493 --> 00:14:36,579 in the light of day when I can function? 323 00:14:37,413 --> 00:14:41,292 Yeah. Yeah, okay. Let's—Let's have brunch tomorrow. 324 00:14:41,375 --> 00:14:43,336 Oh, God. Does it have to be brunch? 325 00:14:43,419 --> 00:14:46,672 Are you, like, the most annoying person alive? I can't. You're… 326 00:14:46,756 --> 00:14:48,382 Do you realize this is serious to me? 327 00:14:48,466 --> 00:14:51,093 It's, like, not about fucking brunch. I get the hint. I'm going. 328 00:14:51,177 --> 00:14:53,137 No, no, no. Don't go. I love you. 329 00:14:54,805 --> 00:14:56,933 Marquez! - Oh, my God. What? 330 00:14:57,016 --> 00:14:58,100 What are you doing, buddy? 331 00:14:58,184 --> 00:15:01,354 I'm just tired. Why does nobody understand or care that I'm tired? 332 00:15:02,188 --> 00:15:06,776 We are deep cover educators breaking up an illegal student scavenger hunt ring. 333 00:15:06,859 --> 00:15:08,861 - Come on. Come on. - Okay. Okay. 334 00:15:08,945 --> 00:15:11,280 Let's get some coffee in you, and catch some troublemakers. 335 00:15:11,364 --> 00:15:13,908 So boys are wearing homemade condoms with lead pellets in it 336 00:15:13,991 --> 00:15:15,785 to make their penises swing back and forth. 337 00:15:17,328 --> 00:15:18,329 What's a homemade condom? 338 00:15:18,412 --> 00:15:20,873 - Oh, my God. - And they call it "Liberty Belling." 339 00:15:20,957 --> 00:15:22,166 Are you making this up right now? 340 00:15:22,792 --> 00:15:25,127 Ms. Sharon, we're no doing the scavenger hunt anymore. 341 00:15:25,211 --> 00:15:26,712 - Yeah, yeah. We're done. We're done. Great. 342 00:15:26,796 --> 00:15:29,173 - Young woman gets dropped off at the ER… - Yes. 343 00:15:29,256 --> 00:15:31,926 - Oh, I thought you were talking to me. - …literally foaming at the mouth. 344 00:15:32,009 --> 00:15:33,719 Ew. - Lead poisoning. 345 00:15:33,803 --> 00:15:38,349 The doctor took one look at her and said, "Liberty Belling. Call the priest." 346 00:15:38,933 --> 00:15:41,018 - Five minutes later, she was dead. - No. 347 00:15:41,852 --> 00:15:43,479 - So was the priest. Oh, my God. 348 00:15:43,562 --> 00:15:46,440 What happened to the priest? - Okay, so— 349 00:15:46,524 --> 00:15:49,610 But the worst thing that you can do, the absolute worst thing that you could do… 350 00:15:49,694 --> 00:15:51,362 - Oh, my God. - …is get a tattoo. 351 00:15:52,947 --> 00:15:55,449 - Those other things sound much worse. - Mm-hmm. 352 00:15:55,533 --> 00:15:59,412 A tattoo is a self-inflicted mark of the beast, and it lasts your whole life. 353 00:15:59,495 --> 00:16:02,081 - Doesn't Ms. Jennifer have a tattoo? - She's a whore. 354 00:16:02,164 --> 00:16:03,791 - Wait, what? - Who's the beast? 355 00:16:03,874 --> 00:16:06,127 Okay, can I see that picture that you took of Mr. Marquez 356 00:16:06,210 --> 00:16:07,586 because it could get him fired. 357 00:16:07,670 --> 00:16:10,506 Wait, is that what this is about? The cute one with the crop tops? 358 00:16:10,589 --> 00:16:11,799 - Oh, my God. I… - It's not even that bad. 359 00:16:11,882 --> 00:16:13,718 - We chickened out. That's actually mild. 360 00:16:13,801 --> 00:16:17,972 That's what you called me in here for? Really? 361 00:16:18,055 --> 00:16:21,392 This is why I brought her in. Now go have a fun sleepover. 362 00:16:21,475 --> 00:16:24,103 Unless we want to study a little bit more. I have a pamphlet. 363 00:16:24,186 --> 00:16:25,980 - You don't have to tell us. - Real easy to follow. 364 00:16:26,063 --> 00:16:27,773 We can just run through each one of them. 365 00:16:27,857 --> 00:16:31,360 - Let's start with "Load Twins." - Can I go home? 366 00:16:31,444 --> 00:16:34,905 Sorry I was making jokes about your church questions earlier. 367 00:16:34,989 --> 00:16:36,157 It's all good, buddy. 368 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,451 I know you make jokes when you're uncomfortable. 369 00:16:38,534 --> 00:16:40,536 I do too. 370 00:16:40,619 --> 00:16:42,538 Why'd you want to know where I went to church? 371 00:16:43,622 --> 00:16:45,624 Well, I've been going to, like, the same church 372 00:16:45,708 --> 00:16:47,668 since I was a kid really my whole life, you know. 373 00:16:48,711 --> 00:16:52,548 And like, look, don't…don't bust my chops too hard on this. All right, just… 374 00:16:52,631 --> 00:16:53,966 No, no, no. I won't. You can talk. 375 00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:57,803 So I go because it helps me get my head right, you know what I mean? 376 00:16:57,887 --> 00:17:00,639 Like, it… I feel connected to something, like, 377 00:17:00,723 --> 00:17:03,267 bigger than me, more than me. I don't know. 378 00:17:03,350 --> 00:17:06,729 I guess in your terms it would be like the cosmic equivalent of like, 379 00:17:06,812 --> 00:17:09,857 - a weekly personal pride parade. - Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think I get it. 380 00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:13,611 But, like, lately I feel like it just doesn't speak to me anymore. 381 00:17:14,403 --> 00:17:16,447 Wow, that's very heavy, Markie. 382 00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:17,573 I know. 383 00:17:17,656 --> 00:17:18,866 I'm sorry to hear that. 384 00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,702 Do you have somebody you can talk to about it? 385 00:17:21,786 --> 00:17:24,955 I mean, you. I'm talking to you right now. 386 00:17:25,039 --> 00:17:27,750 That's sweet. No, I mean, do you have a therapist or something? 387 00:17:27,833 --> 00:17:31,545 I mean, I had this one pastor, but he kind of left. 388 00:17:31,629 --> 00:17:35,091 And the new guy, I just don't feel like I can talk to really. 389 00:17:35,841 --> 00:17:38,052 I just don't feel like we're speaking the same language. 390 00:17:38,135 --> 00:17:40,721 It's tough. I wish I knew what to tell you. 391 00:17:42,515 --> 00:17:45,184 You ain't got to tell me shit, bud. Just listening is enough. 392 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:51,649 Hey, Johnson. Knock off the grab-ass, or I'll soup-can your nuts, okay? Seriously. 393 00:17:51,732 --> 00:17:54,193 I'm trying to figure out what that expression means. 394 00:17:57,363 --> 00:17:59,031 Okay, guys. So for the Biology Award… 395 00:17:59,115 --> 00:18:01,325 - Yes, aye. - Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah. 396 00:18:01,408 --> 00:18:02,409 It's a no. 397 00:18:02,493 --> 00:18:04,995 The kid got a 98 in bio. Why is this even a question? 398 00:18:05,079 --> 00:18:08,290 He literally ate a dissection frog to freak some girls out. 399 00:18:08,374 --> 00:18:11,293 - People eat frogs. Frog legs. - I think he's earned it. 400 00:18:11,377 --> 00:18:13,587 Wow, another deadlock. What are the odds? 401 00:18:13,671 --> 00:18:16,924 - Okay, next up, Art Award. - Art, art, art. 402 00:18:17,007 --> 00:18:19,426 Ooh, sorry. That has to go to Kathy Simmons. 403 00:18:19,510 --> 00:18:21,762 Kathy Simmons isn't even in the top ten. 404 00:18:21,846 --> 00:18:24,265 She's the one who gave me the unofficial scavenger hunt list. 405 00:18:24,348 --> 00:18:27,309 I told her that she'd win the Art Award if she gave it to me. 406 00:18:27,393 --> 00:18:29,478 Okay. I hereby declare that a malfeasance. 407 00:18:29,562 --> 00:18:33,107 Rick, it's art! It is subjective. Just give the girl the award. 408 00:18:33,190 --> 00:18:35,067 - Who gives a shit? - Art's… It is subjective. 409 00:18:35,151 --> 00:18:37,945 - It's going to Kathy Simmons. Case closed. - Whatever. Moving on. 410 00:18:38,028 --> 00:18:40,364 - Grant, what are you doing? Are you okay? - Whoa! Boss man. 411 00:18:40,447 --> 00:18:42,366 I'm fine. I'm fine. Is this the finalist list? 412 00:18:42,449 --> 00:18:44,326 I called Grant, told him we might need a tiebreaker 413 00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:48,205 because we're deadlocked on nine out of ten of the awards, that's so bad. 414 00:18:48,289 --> 00:18:49,707 - Oh, my gosh. - I still forgot my readers, 415 00:18:49,790 --> 00:18:51,333 - so I'm gonna have to wing this. - Copy that. 416 00:18:51,417 --> 00:18:53,794 All right, let's give the Calculus Award to Anderson, 417 00:18:53,878 --> 00:18:55,754 low average but from a tough grader. 418 00:18:55,838 --> 00:18:59,425 Spanish Award to Maria Gonzalez, yes, she speaks it at home, 419 00:18:59,508 --> 00:19:02,595 but she read the entirety of Don Quixote in its original Spanish. 420 00:19:02,678 --> 00:19:04,138 That's going above and beyond. 421 00:19:04,221 --> 00:19:05,973 Let's give the Physics Award to Amy Heyward. 422 00:19:06,056 --> 00:19:08,934 Williams is a half point higher, but you know, women in STEM. 423 00:19:09,018 --> 00:19:14,148 Let's also do this, and this, do this, and do this, and this. 424 00:19:14,231 --> 00:19:16,025 The Art Award to Kathy Simmons, that's a weird choice, 425 00:19:16,108 --> 00:19:19,111 but you know what, who am I to question the democratic process? 426 00:19:19,195 --> 00:19:21,030 All right, good. Done and done. 427 00:19:21,113 --> 00:19:22,948 - All right. - All right. Anything else? 428 00:19:23,032 --> 00:19:24,450 This is how a real pro does it. 429 00:19:24,533 --> 00:19:26,535 Just put a towel on him, or a blanket, or something. 430 00:19:26,619 --> 00:19:28,162 He's cold. All right, good night, all. 431 00:19:28,245 --> 00:19:31,498 We did it. Congrats guys. Travel safe, and text me when you get home. 432 00:19:31,582 --> 00:19:33,792 Oh, wait, we have to be here till the morning. Fuck. 433 00:19:36,128 --> 00:19:38,172 You know, Sharon, I'm just wondering, 434 00:19:38,255 --> 00:19:42,218 considering there's so many crazy things on that unofficial scavenger hunt, 435 00:19:42,301 --> 00:19:47,431 I'm so curious why you think that getting a tattoo is the worst thing. 436 00:19:49,266 --> 00:19:51,310 'Cause it is. Trust me. 437 00:19:54,104 --> 00:19:55,439 What do you got there? 438 00:19:55,522 --> 00:19:58,692 Oh, wow. Circuit City. Circuit City. 439 00:19:58,776 --> 00:20:03,239 Yeah, I just freaking loved Circuit City. The TVs were under $1000. 440 00:20:04,281 --> 00:20:06,992 You know, TVs are even cheaper now. 441 00:20:08,702 --> 00:20:10,079 Where? 442 00:20:11,705 --> 00:20:15,459 Look, it's embarrassing, okay. I never even let my husband see this. 443 00:20:15,542 --> 00:20:17,962 Your husband hasn't seen it? So how do you guys— 444 00:20:18,045 --> 00:20:19,213 We do it exclusively doggy style. 445 00:20:19,296 --> 00:20:22,174 I don't know why I asked that. So stupid, so personal. 446 00:20:22,258 --> 00:20:24,176 - Sometimes, double reverse doggy style. - Mm-hmm. 447 00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:25,386 - Ever heard of it, Gwen? - Mm-mm. 448 00:20:25,469 --> 00:20:26,595 Wanna know what "Load Twins" are? 449 00:20:26,679 --> 00:20:28,389 You know what, I gotta sleep, Sharon. You're the best. 450 00:20:28,472 --> 00:20:30,224 - Thank you so much. - One guy. Two girls. 451 00:20:30,307 --> 00:20:32,476 Two pregnancies from the same orgasm. 452 00:20:32,559 --> 00:20:36,897 - Two babies, Gwen. One load. Load Twins. 453 00:20:42,903 --> 00:20:44,655 - Markie. - Yeah? 454 00:20:45,489 --> 00:20:48,742 The reason this church isn't speaking to you anymore 455 00:20:49,243 --> 00:20:52,371 is because they're literally not even speaking English. 456 00:20:52,454 --> 00:20:54,957 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God… 457 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,294 I know, okay? The neighborhood has changed over the past ten years. 458 00:20:58,377 --> 00:21:01,964 There's a whole kimchi aisle at Piggly Wiggly now. A whole aisle. 459 00:21:02,047 --> 00:21:04,591 I mean, you know, you could just go to a different church. 460 00:21:04,675 --> 00:21:08,178 Nope. I can't understand a thing they're saying, but they're really nice people. 461 00:21:08,262 --> 00:21:09,346 Yeah. 462 00:21:09,430 --> 00:21:12,599 Plus I'm on the Meals on Wheels committee, you know what I'm saying? 463 00:21:12,683 --> 00:21:17,062 They need my truck. They need it. A lot of meals, not enough wheels. 464 00:21:17,938 --> 00:21:19,982 - Hallelujah. Hallelujah. 465 00:21:20,065 --> 00:21:22,568 Let us all stand and greet one another. 466 00:21:22,651 --> 00:21:23,736 Hi! - Ah. 467 00:21:23,819 --> 00:21:26,155 Nice to see you again, Markie. 468 00:21:26,238 --> 00:21:30,659 Goodbye, Mr. Choi. Goodbye, Mrs. Choi. 469 00:21:30,743 --> 00:21:35,372 I'm practicing. Yeah, I'm… this man my friend, Evan-san. 470 00:21:35,456 --> 00:21:37,916 - Uh, honorable teacher. - Oh, my God.