1 00:00:33,823 --> 00:00:35,241 Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker. 2 00:00:35,324 --> 00:00:37,910 The hot new reality dating show Sex Farm 3 00:00:37,993 --> 00:00:39,328 is coming to Quahog. 4 00:00:39,411 --> 00:00:41,205 Contestants conceal their identities 5 00:00:41,288 --> 00:00:44,375 by dressing as farm animals in hopes of finding love. 6 00:00:44,458 --> 00:00:46,210 Auditions are being held all week 7 00:00:46,293 --> 00:00:49,296 at the long-empty Miramax offices downtown. 8 00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:51,132 Imagine naming a company after your mother 9 00:00:51,215 --> 00:00:53,425 and then molesting everyone who comes in. 10 00:00:53,509 --> 00:00:56,095 Auditions? Maybe I could meet my person. 11 00:00:56,178 --> 00:00:57,346 Your "person"? 12 00:00:57,429 --> 00:00:59,890 Oh, is your "person" a good "human"? 13 00:00:59,974 --> 00:01:01,851 You gonna post your engagement ring with, 14 00:01:01,934 --> 00:01:03,352 "So, this just happened"? 15 00:01:03,435 --> 00:01:05,312 You gonna hashtag #VanLife? 16 00:01:05,396 --> 00:01:06,981 You gonna get murdered in Florida? 17 00:01:07,064 --> 00:01:09,525 No one's gonna look for you, you basic white bitch. 18 00:01:09,608 --> 00:01:11,152 This is gonna be awesome. 19 00:01:11,235 --> 00:01:13,028 - I'm gonna try out. - Well, good luck. 20 00:01:13,112 --> 00:01:15,781 I hope your reality show goes better than mine did. 21 00:01:15,865 --> 00:01:17,575 This season on Alone, 22 00:01:17,658 --> 00:01:20,286 twelve contestants will be dropped in the wilderness. 23 00:01:20,369 --> 00:01:22,788 Remember, you're on camera, so don't masturbate. 24 00:01:22,872 --> 00:01:25,166 Remember, you're on camera, so don't masturbate. 25 00:01:25,249 --> 00:01:27,501 Remember, you're on camera, so don't masturbate. 26 00:01:27,585 --> 00:01:30,171 I didn't even make it to the ground. 27 00:01:33,257 --> 00:01:34,884 Thank you for coming in today, Meg. 28 00:01:34,967 --> 00:01:36,886 We're excited to see if you have what it takes 29 00:01:36,969 --> 00:01:38,637 to be on Sex Farm. 30 00:01:38,721 --> 00:01:41,891 Thanks. So, is there anything I need to do for this audition? 31 00:01:41,974 --> 00:01:43,726 No. Most of modern auditions 32 00:01:43,809 --> 00:01:45,728 is just us going through all your old tweets 33 00:01:45,811 --> 00:01:48,355 to see if there are any racist or homophobic slurs. 34 00:01:49,732 --> 00:01:53,611 Now, I see you've never retweeted Bowen Yang. Why? 35 00:01:53,694 --> 00:01:56,197 I see that I was wrong, and I now understand 36 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,408 comedy is mostly about getting angry at funny things. 37 00:02:02,286 --> 00:02:03,579 You're in. 38 00:02:06,248 --> 00:02:09,251 This season on Sex Farm, we're in Quahog, Rhode Island, 39 00:02:09,335 --> 00:02:11,921 with an all-new cast of horny livestock. 40 00:02:13,589 --> 00:02:15,591 What's going on, guys? 41 00:02:15,674 --> 00:02:17,635 It's me, Corey, from Corey's World. 42 00:02:17,718 --> 00:02:19,220 After being virally ambushed 43 00:02:19,303 --> 00:02:21,555 while screaming at my stepmom in a Walmart, 44 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:24,767 I've taken a demotion from YouTube to network television. 45 00:02:24,850 --> 00:02:27,603 And I am totally less-profitably stoked 46 00:02:27,686 --> 00:02:30,272 to be your host tonight on Sex Farm. 47 00:02:30,356 --> 00:02:32,858 Let's get to know these filthy animals. 48 00:02:33,943 --> 00:02:36,070 No middle-aged spinster here, 49 00:02:36,153 --> 00:02:38,405 I'm just a frisky little pussycat. 50 00:02:41,992 --> 00:02:43,535 I'm here because sleeping in a barn 51 00:02:43,619 --> 00:02:46,497 is preferable to an unfurled wrestling mat. 52 00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:48,832 I'm ready to swine and dine. 53 00:02:48,916 --> 00:02:50,334 Oink, oink, boink, boink. 54 00:02:52,211 --> 00:02:54,797 Yuck. The herd will decide who stays 55 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,507 to continue their journey for love 56 00:02:56,590 --> 00:02:59,343 and who gets put out to pasture. 57 00:02:59,426 --> 00:03:02,263 All part of the barn dance here on Sex Farm, 58 00:03:02,346 --> 00:03:05,474 where our pronouns are "yee" and "haw." 59 00:03:06,183 --> 00:03:07,851 I… I don't get that. 60 00:03:15,609 --> 00:03:17,903 Hey, there. Nice ass. 61 00:03:17,987 --> 00:03:20,739 I'm wondering if you're down for some porkin'. 62 00:03:20,823 --> 00:03:23,325 Oh, my, that's going right at it, isn't it? 63 00:03:23,409 --> 00:03:25,536 Sorry, little piggy, I think you's a sloppin' 64 00:03:25,619 --> 00:03:26,912 at the wrong trough. 65 00:03:26,996 --> 00:03:29,623 Oh, uh, sorry. 66 00:03:29,707 --> 00:03:32,376 Uh, hey, there. Nice ass. 67 00:03:32,459 --> 00:03:34,503 I'm wondering if you're down for some porkin'. 68 00:03:34,586 --> 00:03:36,046 I had to take 80 milligrams 69 00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:37,423 of Thorazine 'cause I'm having 70 00:03:37,506 --> 00:03:39,842 a claustrophobic freak-out in here. 71 00:03:39,925 --> 00:03:41,802 So, pass. 72 00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,894 Wow, you really packed that away in a hurry. 73 00:03:50,978 --> 00:03:51,979 Thanks. 74 00:03:52,062 --> 00:03:53,689 I may be dressed like a pig, 75 00:03:53,772 --> 00:03:55,566 but I have two stomachs like a cow. 76 00:03:55,649 --> 00:03:56,984 You're funny. 77 00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:58,319 It's not really a joke. 78 00:03:58,402 --> 00:04:00,070 I'm not expected to live past 40. 79 00:04:00,154 --> 00:04:02,531 Looks like I made it just under the wire. 80 00:04:02,614 --> 00:04:03,907 I'm only 18. 81 00:04:03,991 --> 00:04:06,702 Oh, your Liberty Mutual tote bag threw me off. 82 00:04:06,785 --> 00:04:08,579 It's how I carry my loose fruit. 83 00:04:08,662 --> 00:04:10,998 I like you. You don't try very hard. 84 00:04:11,081 --> 00:04:13,584 Oh, I'm trying very hard. 85 00:04:16,253 --> 00:04:19,131 What's going on, guys? It's your boy Corey. 86 00:04:19,214 --> 00:04:20,841 Be sure to check me out on Cameo. 87 00:04:20,924 --> 00:04:22,593 The producers said I couldn't mention it, 88 00:04:22,676 --> 00:04:24,845 but I'm betting they don't even watch the show. 89 00:04:24,928 --> 00:04:27,097 So, a big part of finding love on the farm 90 00:04:27,181 --> 00:04:29,016 is having our contestants go on dates 91 00:04:29,099 --> 00:04:31,268 and then be surprised by a musical act 92 00:04:31,352 --> 00:04:33,062 you've never heard of. 93 00:04:33,145 --> 00:04:35,773 I couldn't believe it. We walked around the corner, 94 00:04:35,856 --> 00:04:37,649 and there was Barton James. 95 00:04:41,779 --> 00:04:44,448 - Oh, my God. - I love this song. 96 00:04:47,409 --> 00:04:50,245 Barton James and a girl in a pig mask? 97 00:04:50,329 --> 00:04:52,706 Yeah, it was a pretty good day. 98 00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:59,505 Check it out, guys, Barton James' new album Country Girl is now available 99 00:04:59,588 --> 00:05:01,382 exclusively on Deezer. 100 00:05:01,465 --> 00:05:03,467 We had to say that or he wouldn't show up. 101 00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:05,469 Devout Christian Barton James was unvaccinated 102 00:05:05,552 --> 00:05:07,262 and a general pain in the ass to deal with. 103 00:05:10,224 --> 00:05:11,767 What's going on, guys? 104 00:05:11,850 --> 00:05:13,352 Dates have ended, and it's almost time 105 00:05:13,435 --> 00:05:14,937 to find out who's got the heat 106 00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:16,855 and who's being turned into meat. 107 00:05:16,939 --> 00:05:19,233 Fan favorite The Cow is recovering nicely 108 00:05:19,316 --> 00:05:21,151 from his panic attack at Group Coop. 109 00:05:21,235 --> 00:05:23,028 I don't really care if I fall in love. 110 00:05:23,112 --> 00:05:25,531 I just need to be done with this show, 111 00:05:25,614 --> 00:05:26,949 like, as soon as possible. 112 00:05:27,032 --> 00:05:28,826 I haven't taken a normal breath in… 113 00:05:30,619 --> 00:05:32,496 …three days. 114 00:05:32,579 --> 00:05:34,832 Guys, if you or someone you know 115 00:05:34,915 --> 00:05:36,917 is struggling with anxiety or depression, 116 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:40,129 go to SexFarm-BummedOut.com. 117 00:05:40,212 --> 00:05:42,589 Wild cards Pig and Chicken really hit it off 118 00:05:42,673 --> 00:05:44,007 at the group feces bath. 119 00:05:44,091 --> 00:05:45,676 Let's see if their connection continues 120 00:05:45,759 --> 00:05:49,179 on their mandatory reality-show helicopter ride. 121 00:05:57,729 --> 00:05:59,982 I really like spending time with you. 122 00:06:00,065 --> 00:06:01,608 You're so spontaneous. 123 00:06:01,692 --> 00:06:03,360 I really like you, too. 124 00:06:03,444 --> 00:06:05,779 And I'm sorry for that fart you're gonna smell. 125 00:06:05,863 --> 00:06:07,406 I knew you wouldn't hear it, 126 00:06:07,489 --> 00:06:10,075 but I didn't think it was gonna be as bad as it was. 127 00:06:10,159 --> 00:06:11,743 I actually did hear it. 128 00:06:11,827 --> 00:06:14,663 And I think I might be falling in love with you. 129 00:06:17,374 --> 00:06:18,625 Hey, guys, 130 00:06:18,709 --> 00:06:20,752 what was the one rule I had? 131 00:06:20,836 --> 00:06:22,337 No farting in the helicopter. 132 00:06:22,421 --> 00:06:24,131 No farting in the helicopter. 133 00:06:24,214 --> 00:06:27,801 I killed bin Laden, now I'm doing this. 134 00:06:32,055 --> 00:06:34,016 Before we find out which couple will be the first 135 00:06:34,099 --> 00:06:36,477 put out to pasture, we're gonna put up a QR code 136 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,437 that's a direct link to Deezer, 137 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:42,441 where you can hear Barton James' duet with Kyle Rittenhouse. 138 00:06:43,358 --> 00:06:46,195 And the first eliminated couple is… 139 00:06:49,281 --> 00:06:50,532 Pig and Chicken. 140 00:06:52,201 --> 00:06:55,454 Which means fan favorite Cow remains on the farm. 141 00:06:55,537 --> 00:06:59,208 I told producer Josh I desperately want to go home. 142 00:06:59,291 --> 00:07:00,834 Pig and Chicken, turn in your hay 143 00:07:00,918 --> 00:07:02,753 and head to the slaughterhouse. 144 00:07:12,387 --> 00:07:14,890 Hey, I'm sorry I dragged you down. 145 00:07:14,973 --> 00:07:18,018 And I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of Bethenny Frankel. 146 00:07:18,101 --> 00:07:19,728 That was Bethenny Frankel? 147 00:07:19,811 --> 00:07:21,271 I thought it was a scarecrow. 148 00:07:21,355 --> 00:07:23,148 Well, the crows were scared. 149 00:07:23,232 --> 00:07:25,692 - Is she gone? - I… I don't know. 150 00:07:25,776 --> 00:07:27,569 I… I mean, I want the corn, but I don't want to have to hear 151 00:07:27,653 --> 00:07:28,862 about how much trouble she's having dating. 152 00:07:30,322 --> 00:07:32,324 Well, I guess this is it. 153 00:07:32,407 --> 00:07:33,909 It was nice while it lasted. 154 00:07:36,203 --> 00:07:37,371 Wait, Pig! 155 00:07:37,454 --> 00:07:39,998 - Yes? - I don't even know your name. 156 00:07:40,082 --> 00:07:41,959 I'm Meg. 157 00:07:42,042 --> 00:07:44,086 I'm just worried you won't be as attracted to me 158 00:07:44,169 --> 00:07:45,212 when I take this off. 159 00:07:45,295 --> 00:07:46,964 You're dressed like a pig. 160 00:07:47,047 --> 00:07:48,465 I'll take my chances. 161 00:07:51,969 --> 00:07:53,095 I was right. 162 00:07:53,178 --> 00:07:54,721 You are prettier than a pig. 163 00:07:54,805 --> 00:07:56,431 Your turn. 164 00:07:56,515 --> 00:07:58,809 And I don't care what you look like under that mask. 165 00:07:58,892 --> 00:08:00,477 That's good, because… 166 00:08:01,687 --> 00:08:02,688 I'm a chicken. 167 00:08:02,771 --> 00:08:03,939 My name is Nugget. 168 00:08:13,782 --> 00:08:16,868 Wait a minute, you're not related to the giant chicken, are you? 169 00:08:16,952 --> 00:08:18,036 He's my dad. 170 00:08:21,373 --> 00:08:23,041 What is it, Peter? 171 00:08:23,125 --> 00:08:25,002 I forgot to go to college. 172 00:08:30,173 --> 00:08:31,425 Oh, Meg, there you are. 173 00:08:31,508 --> 00:08:33,385 Sit down. We're watching Sex Farm. 174 00:08:33,468 --> 00:08:36,096 - Have you seen it? - Mom, I was on it. 175 00:08:36,179 --> 00:08:37,889 - I was the pig. - What? 176 00:08:37,973 --> 00:08:39,975 Yeah, I don't remember that, either, but check it out. 177 00:08:40,058 --> 00:08:42,811 The cow escaped and then a fan vote brought him back. 178 00:08:42,894 --> 00:08:46,356 They caught him hiding on one of those Chick-fil-A billboards. 179 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,234 Once again, please stop voting for me. 180 00:08:49,318 --> 00:08:52,070 This is a cry for help. I swear to God, I'll jump. 181 00:08:52,154 --> 00:08:53,530 That guy is so funny. 182 00:08:53,614 --> 00:08:55,365 I'm gonna vote for him a hundred times. 183 00:08:55,449 --> 00:08:56,533 Well, have fun. 184 00:08:56,617 --> 00:08:58,577 Where are you going all dolled up? 185 00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:01,788 What? Oh, that is not offensive to dolls. 186 00:09:01,872 --> 00:09:03,832 Stop trying to make yourself angry. 187 00:09:03,915 --> 00:09:05,751 - I have a date. - With who? 188 00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:08,545 Um, nobody you know. See you later. 189 00:09:08,629 --> 00:09:10,589 She's dating again? 190 00:09:10,672 --> 00:09:13,050 Whatever happened to that illusionist she was seeing? 191 00:09:13,133 --> 00:09:15,469 I never left, Peter. 192 00:09:15,552 --> 00:09:17,638 Wow. Wait, why are you still here? 193 00:09:17,721 --> 00:09:20,223 Well, I'm an illusionist, so I'm either homeless 194 00:09:20,307 --> 00:09:23,769 or I have a $100 million residency in Las Vegas. 195 00:09:23,852 --> 00:09:26,146 Oh, my God, the cow is really gonna jump. 196 00:09:26,229 --> 00:09:27,814 You made me do this. 197 00:09:27,898 --> 00:09:30,359 This is on you, producer Josh. 198 00:09:30,442 --> 00:09:32,444 I'm all right. 199 00:09:32,527 --> 00:09:34,529 I landed just so. 200 00:09:37,616 --> 00:09:40,077 It's so cool learning about your world. 201 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,453 So, okay, tell me this, 202 00:09:41,536 --> 00:09:43,538 is Colonel Sanders like your Adolf Hitler? 203 00:09:43,622 --> 00:09:45,582 No, the colonel is an honest man. 204 00:09:45,666 --> 00:09:47,709 Our Adolf Hitler is Kenny Rogers, 205 00:09:47,793 --> 00:09:49,670 with his stupid Kenny Rogers Roasters. 206 00:09:49,753 --> 00:09:52,005 Kenny Rogers? The gambler? 207 00:09:52,089 --> 00:09:54,424 No, not the gambler. 208 00:09:54,508 --> 00:09:56,843 He was the narrator who met up with the gambler, 209 00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:59,513 and then shared things he had learned from the gambler 210 00:09:59,596 --> 00:10:01,556 but at no point was the gambler. 211 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,850 Well, all I know is that he looked like he was 40 212 00:10:03,934 --> 00:10:06,561 from the time he was 20 until the time he was 90. 213 00:10:06,645 --> 00:10:08,814 And died unable to close his eyes, yes. 214 00:10:08,897 --> 00:10:10,941 Now, how about that picnic? 215 00:10:53,650 --> 00:10:55,110 That was the best night's sleep 216 00:10:55,193 --> 00:10:56,862 I've had in ages. 217 00:10:56,945 --> 00:10:59,030 I love you, Meg, and not just because 218 00:10:59,114 --> 00:11:00,449 you have "egg" in your name. 219 00:11:00,532 --> 00:11:02,242 I love you, too, Nugget. 220 00:11:02,325 --> 00:11:05,412 I want to keep seeing you, but what if our dads find out? 221 00:11:05,495 --> 00:11:08,623 I guess we'll have to live a lie, like George Santos. 222 00:11:08,707 --> 00:11:12,377 Hi, I'm gay-straight Jewish Nazi George Santos, 223 00:11:12,461 --> 00:11:14,087 and I approve this message. 224 00:11:14,171 --> 00:11:16,465 Which is to say it's the worst thing that's happened to me 225 00:11:16,548 --> 00:11:19,009 since I died on 9/11. Good morning night. 226 00:11:19,092 --> 00:11:21,428 This was written 18 months ago. New lies not included. 227 00:11:27,684 --> 00:11:29,436 Nugget? What are you doing here? 228 00:11:29,519 --> 00:11:31,062 I was in the neighborhood and thought we could 229 00:11:31,146 --> 00:11:33,273 Netflix and chill or Peacock and. 230 00:11:33,356 --> 00:11:36,067 Peacock. Somehow we don't have Seinfeld or Friends, 231 00:11:36,151 --> 00:11:38,403 and we can't show you The Cosby Show. 232 00:11:38,487 --> 00:11:39,613 Hey, Meg, can you give me a hand 233 00:11:39,696 --> 00:11:41,740 clasping these Mr. T medallions? 234 00:11:41,823 --> 00:11:42,824 I have an event. 235 00:11:42,908 --> 00:11:44,326 Who's your fine-feathered friend? 236 00:11:44,409 --> 00:11:46,495 Dad, this is my boyfriend Nugget. 237 00:11:46,578 --> 00:11:48,747 His father is the giant chicken. 238 00:11:49,956 --> 00:11:51,082 That's it, young lady, 239 00:11:51,166 --> 00:11:52,834 no Peacock for a month. 240 00:11:52,918 --> 00:11:54,252 No Peacock? 241 00:11:54,336 --> 00:11:55,629 But where will I watch The Croods? 242 00:11:55,712 --> 00:11:57,047 That's not my problem. 243 00:11:57,130 --> 00:11:58,715 Peacock. I don't think we have 244 00:11:58,799 --> 00:12:00,258 The West Wing either. 245 00:12:03,845 --> 00:12:05,889 Of all the chickens Meg could have chosen, 246 00:12:05,972 --> 00:12:07,265 she had to choose that one. 247 00:12:07,349 --> 00:12:09,059 Oh, Peter, you got to back off. 248 00:12:09,142 --> 00:12:10,977 My father never stopped berating me 249 00:12:11,061 --> 00:12:13,146 when I was dating you, so as an act of defiance 250 00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,065 I married you just to spite him. 251 00:12:15,148 --> 00:12:17,025 That seems irrelevant. 252 00:12:17,108 --> 00:12:18,568 I don't know, Lois, it feels like 253 00:12:18,652 --> 00:12:19,945 I've lost my daughter. 254 00:12:20,028 --> 00:12:21,863 Which means I have two sons. 255 00:12:21,947 --> 00:12:23,406 If I'm lucky, they'll join the army, 256 00:12:23,490 --> 00:12:24,866 and I'll be notified that they both died 257 00:12:24,950 --> 00:12:26,076 on the same day. 258 00:12:37,462 --> 00:12:39,798 Your two sons died getting their heads shaved 259 00:12:39,881 --> 00:12:41,174 at orientation. 260 00:12:41,258 --> 00:12:42,926 They didn't even make it to the barracks. 261 00:12:43,009 --> 00:12:45,178 Oh, the cost of freedom! 262 00:12:45,262 --> 00:12:47,514 Here's a flag we didn't bother to fold. 263 00:12:52,477 --> 00:12:54,813 I really want to thank you for inviting me to dinner, 264 00:12:54,896 --> 00:12:56,398 Mr. and Mrs. Griffin. 265 00:12:56,481 --> 00:12:58,441 Hey, Nugget, you ever seen that video of Fabio 266 00:12:58,525 --> 00:13:00,110 getting hit in the face by a goose? 267 00:13:00,193 --> 00:13:02,237 - It's hilarious. - Not for the goose. 268 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,990 - She was killed. - Oh, then that's doubly funny. 269 00:13:05,073 --> 00:13:07,492 Fabio's got a bloody nose and a bird is dead. 270 00:13:07,576 --> 00:13:09,619 Mr. Griffin, that goose had a name. 271 00:13:09,703 --> 00:13:12,122 It was Evelyn. And she had 23 children. 272 00:13:12,205 --> 00:13:14,416 Here, let me show you her GoFundMe page. 273 00:13:14,499 --> 00:13:16,042 What's your guys' Wi-Fi password? 274 00:13:16,126 --> 00:13:19,671 It's "ChickensAreScum," and then 22 exclamation points. 275 00:13:19,754 --> 00:13:22,299 It's on the bulletin board for when we Airbnb the house. 276 00:13:22,382 --> 00:13:24,926 Peter, we are not Airbnb-ing the house. 277 00:13:25,010 --> 00:13:26,469 Eh, it might be too late for that. 278 00:13:26,553 --> 00:13:28,930 Hey, is there any soap in the upstairs bathroom? 279 00:13:29,014 --> 00:13:31,808 If you read the PDF, it said you had to bring your own soap. 280 00:13:31,892 --> 00:13:33,602 Well, I'll just use the shampoo as soap. 281 00:13:33,685 --> 00:13:35,604 He's a medical student. 282 00:13:35,687 --> 00:13:38,565 You know, you guys are being very rude to my boyfriend. 283 00:13:38,648 --> 00:13:40,525 - I love him. - I've had enough. 284 00:13:40,609 --> 00:13:43,069 Meg, I'm giving you an old tomato. 285 00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:45,780 And a final demand or statement of terms, 286 00:13:45,864 --> 00:13:48,033 the rejection of which will result in retaliation 287 00:13:48,116 --> 00:13:50,035 or a permanent cessation of relations. 288 00:13:50,118 --> 00:13:52,787 You either break up with him or you break up with me. 289 00:13:52,871 --> 00:13:54,164 You can't date us both. 290 00:13:54,247 --> 00:13:55,957 Dad, you and I aren't dating. 291 00:13:56,041 --> 00:13:57,918 Oh, so you've made your choice, then. 292 00:13:58,001 --> 00:13:59,794 Well, I'd like my tomato back. 293 00:14:01,212 --> 00:14:03,173 I'll pack my bags. 294 00:14:03,256 --> 00:14:05,926 What bags? She literally owns nothing. 295 00:14:10,096 --> 00:14:12,307 Guys, before I go, I have one thing to say. 296 00:14:12,390 --> 00:14:15,018 Is this a "pause The Last of Us" type of conversation 297 00:14:15,101 --> 00:14:16,937 or can I "uh-huh" my way through this? 298 00:14:17,020 --> 00:14:18,605 - Peter, turn it off. - Uh-huh. 299 00:14:18,688 --> 00:14:21,608 If you don't accept Nugget, you don't accept me. 300 00:14:21,691 --> 00:14:22,943 I'm moving in with him. 301 00:14:23,026 --> 00:14:24,903 You know what the British are gonna call this? 302 00:14:24,986 --> 00:14:27,405 Megxit. They're a clever little island. 303 00:14:27,489 --> 00:14:29,324 Meg, please don't go. 304 00:14:29,407 --> 00:14:30,575 You're my only daughter 305 00:14:30,659 --> 00:14:32,869 and I can't imagine living without you. 306 00:14:32,953 --> 00:14:34,746 Plus, I need your vote to keep a Billy Bass 307 00:14:34,829 --> 00:14:36,748 - out of our living room. - I'm sorry, Mom. 308 00:14:36,831 --> 00:14:40,085 My decision has been made. Goodbye. 309 00:14:40,168 --> 00:14:41,962 Well, now seems like a good time 310 00:14:42,045 --> 00:14:43,505 to reopen the Billy Bass vote. 311 00:14:43,588 --> 00:14:44,756 All in favor, say aye. 312 00:14:44,839 --> 00:14:45,840 - Aye. - Aye. 313 00:14:45,924 --> 00:14:47,300 - All opposed? - Nay. 314 00:14:47,384 --> 00:14:48,510 - Present. - Coward. 315 00:14:48,593 --> 00:14:50,220 Billy Bass approved. 316 00:14:52,013 --> 00:14:53,640 Billy, what do you think Meg's gonna say 317 00:14:53,723 --> 00:14:55,016 to the Uber driver? 318 00:15:01,231 --> 00:15:03,900 Ah, we are thriving without Meg. 319 00:15:09,864 --> 00:15:12,659 Is something wrong, Peter? You've barely touched our food. 320 00:15:12,742 --> 00:15:15,203 I heard from Bonnie that Meg moved out of the house 321 00:15:15,286 --> 00:15:16,955 and Lois could never breastfeed. 322 00:15:17,038 --> 00:15:18,373 What? How'd you hear that? 323 00:15:18,456 --> 00:15:20,166 Oh, Bonnie subscribes to a service 324 00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:22,669 that alerts her any time another mom fails. 325 00:15:22,752 --> 00:15:24,504 - That's wild. - I know. 326 00:15:24,587 --> 00:15:25,922 Donna gives Cleveland Jr. 327 00:15:26,006 --> 00:15:27,966 unlimited video game time, but… 328 00:15:28,049 --> 00:15:30,719 Peter, isn't it weird with Meg out of the house? 329 00:15:30,802 --> 00:15:32,929 Nah, it's fine. Although, we got a lot more mice 330 00:15:33,013 --> 00:15:34,681 - around the house now. - Mice? 331 00:15:34,764 --> 00:15:36,933 Yeah, Meg handled all our rodent problems. 332 00:15:37,017 --> 00:15:39,102 She used to just squeeze 'em and pop their heads off. 333 00:15:39,185 --> 00:15:41,229 All except one that she'd leave alive 334 00:15:41,312 --> 00:15:43,231 to run and go tell the story to the others. 335 00:15:43,314 --> 00:15:44,524 Meg's a nice girl. 336 00:15:44,607 --> 00:15:46,109 Yeah, when I remodeled my house, 337 00:15:46,192 --> 00:15:48,319 Meg hauled away all the discarded insulation. 338 00:15:48,403 --> 00:15:49,446 Don't know what she did with it. 339 00:15:49,529 --> 00:15:50,864 Oh, yeah, Meg's great. 340 00:15:50,947 --> 00:15:53,283 She sold me a ton of insulation super-cheap. 341 00:15:53,366 --> 00:15:54,826 Oh, my God, you guys are right. 342 00:15:54,909 --> 00:15:56,995 This one time, Meg fell down the stairs 343 00:15:57,078 --> 00:15:59,289 and she… and… and she broke her clavicle. 344 00:16:02,625 --> 00:16:05,795 You guys, I think I miss Meg. 345 00:16:05,879 --> 00:16:09,632 Was there gonna be more to the story about the stairs? 346 00:16:09,716 --> 00:16:11,843 What do you say we go to the giant chicken's house 347 00:16:11,926 --> 00:16:13,303 and get my daughter back? 348 00:16:13,386 --> 00:16:14,721 - I'm in. - Let's do it. 349 00:16:14,804 --> 00:16:17,515 So the laughing was 'cause your daughter hurt herself? 350 00:16:25,398 --> 00:16:28,193 Honey, did you order a fat bag of crap? 351 00:16:28,276 --> 00:16:30,779 Stand aside. I'm here to get my daughter back. 352 00:16:30,862 --> 00:16:32,280 She's not coming with you. 353 00:16:32,363 --> 00:16:34,616 - She's perfectly happy here. - Are you sure? 354 00:16:34,699 --> 00:16:36,409 We can make this worth your while. 355 00:16:36,493 --> 00:16:38,369 We're prepared to trade Brittney Griner. 356 00:16:38,453 --> 00:16:39,788 Hey, stop trading me. 357 00:16:39,871 --> 00:16:41,623 I just want to play basketball. 358 00:16:41,706 --> 00:16:43,249 And smoke weed, apparently. 359 00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:45,460 I wasn't smoking it, I was just carrying it. 360 00:16:45,543 --> 00:16:48,004 Whatever. I'm still mad we traded for you 361 00:16:48,088 --> 00:16:49,589 instead of that other guy, whose name 362 00:16:49,672 --> 00:16:51,716 I had never heard of and can no longer remember. 363 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,134 Yeah, that poor guy. 364 00:16:53,218 --> 00:16:54,844 Bring him home, whatever his name is. 365 00:16:54,928 --> 00:16:57,055 Dad, what are you doing here? 366 00:16:57,138 --> 00:16:59,224 Meg, this nonsense has to stop. 367 00:16:59,307 --> 00:17:00,725 You're a Griffin, and… 368 00:17:00,809 --> 00:17:03,394 it's time to, uh… Do… 369 00:17:03,478 --> 00:17:05,271 do your neighbors always have that bounce house 370 00:17:05,355 --> 00:17:07,607 or is this… is it a special occasion? 371 00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:09,609 - I really don't know. - Okay, yeah, but Meg, 372 00:17:09,692 --> 00:17:11,486 I mean it. We all miss you, and… 373 00:17:11,569 --> 00:17:13,238 Oh, a heavy lady's rolling into it. 374 00:17:13,321 --> 00:17:15,698 Probably the aunt who likes to have fun. 375 00:17:15,782 --> 00:17:17,408 Wow, her face got red quick. 376 00:17:17,492 --> 00:17:19,744 Dad, I told you, Nugget and his family 377 00:17:19,828 --> 00:17:21,830 treat me better than you guys ever did. 378 00:17:21,913 --> 00:17:24,958 And I won't be coming home. Dad? 379 00:17:25,041 --> 00:17:27,710 It's a Iron Man house! 380 00:17:27,794 --> 00:17:29,838 Okay, you know what, I think we need to regroup here. 381 00:17:29,921 --> 00:17:31,589 We're sorry to have bothered you. 382 00:17:33,591 --> 00:17:35,802 I squashed a boy. 383 00:17:41,182 --> 00:17:43,101 Oh, come on, cheer up, Peter. 384 00:17:43,184 --> 00:17:45,854 Look, the best thing to do to put all this Meg drama behind us 385 00:17:45,937 --> 00:17:49,065 is a fun family activity that we can all do together. 386 00:17:49,149 --> 00:17:51,276 You know, I was supposed to be here today anyway, 387 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:53,444 but then Tyler cancelled his birthday party. 388 00:17:54,195 --> 00:17:57,699 Ice cream sundae bar with Haribo brand gummi bears? 389 00:17:57,782 --> 00:18:00,743 Tyler! Tyler! Tyler! 390 00:18:00,827 --> 00:18:04,205 Hey, Ty. Guess we got our wires crossed, huh? 391 00:18:06,833 --> 00:18:08,209 I… It was a numbers thing. 392 00:18:08,293 --> 00:18:10,587 I think his parents made him invite the T-ball kids. 393 00:18:12,338 --> 00:18:13,548 All right, Dad! Yeah! 394 00:18:13,631 --> 00:18:15,258 - Good job, Giant Chicken! - Yes! 395 00:18:15,341 --> 00:18:18,678 I've lost my daughter. 396 00:18:18,761 --> 00:18:20,180 Come on, gang. 397 00:18:20,263 --> 00:18:22,765 Group selfie for the family Instagram account. 398 00:18:22,849 --> 00:18:24,642 Everybody say "seeds." 399 00:18:24,726 --> 00:18:26,895 Seeds! 400 00:18:31,441 --> 00:18:33,109 Griffin? What do you want? 401 00:18:33,193 --> 00:18:35,320 Um, I, uh… 402 00:18:35,403 --> 00:18:37,488 Meg, do you have a flat dollar bill 403 00:18:37,572 --> 00:18:38,781 for the change machine? 404 00:18:38,865 --> 00:18:40,325 I wanted to play the arcades. 405 00:18:40,408 --> 00:18:42,452 - We don't play the arcades. - Nerds. 406 00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:44,120 Because we have stand-up games 407 00:18:44,204 --> 00:18:46,456 - in our basement rec room. - Aw. 408 00:18:46,539 --> 00:18:47,916 Guess you'll just have to make do 409 00:18:47,999 --> 00:18:49,626 with your crinkled ones. 410 00:19:06,017 --> 00:19:07,727 Eh. 411 00:19:22,283 --> 00:19:24,994 Honey, the scattered grain is delicious. 412 00:19:25,078 --> 00:19:27,914 - You outdid yourself. - Well, don't thank me. 413 00:19:27,997 --> 00:19:29,832 Thank the good people at Monsanto, 414 00:19:29,916 --> 00:19:31,876 who make delicious grain that's packed with 415 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,212 antidepressants and steroids. 416 00:19:34,295 --> 00:19:37,173 I'm so glad you decided to come live with us, Meg. 417 00:19:37,257 --> 00:19:38,258 Me too. 418 00:19:38,341 --> 00:19:40,593 But I couldn't help feel a little sorry for my dad 419 00:19:40,677 --> 00:19:41,678 at the bowling alley. 420 00:19:41,761 --> 00:19:43,596 He bowled with the lane guards up. 421 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,473 Without the jeopardy of a gutter ball, 422 00:19:45,556 --> 00:19:46,808 what is bowling? 423 00:19:46,891 --> 00:19:49,185 He just has his own way of doing things. 424 00:19:49,269 --> 00:19:51,729 - Yeah, the wrong way. - Honey… 425 00:19:51,813 --> 00:19:53,982 No, she knows. That's why she left. 426 00:19:54,065 --> 00:19:56,651 No. I left because I love your son, 427 00:19:56,734 --> 00:19:58,236 not because I hate my dad. 428 00:19:58,319 --> 00:20:00,446 Meg, either you hate your dad 429 00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:02,156 or you leave this house. 430 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,325 An old tomato. 431 00:20:04,409 --> 00:20:05,702 You're just like him. 432 00:20:05,785 --> 00:20:07,287 What did you say? 433 00:20:07,370 --> 00:20:10,415 You're just… like… him. 434 00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:19,173 Wait, I… I can't hit you. You're a girl. 435 00:20:19,882 --> 00:20:20,967 Huh. 436 00:20:41,863 --> 00:20:43,948 Oh, Meg, I'm so happy you realized 437 00:20:44,032 --> 00:20:46,617 your place is here at home with your father. 438 00:20:46,701 --> 00:20:48,036 It really wasn't that. 439 00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:49,829 It's just… all my stuff is here. 440 00:20:49,912 --> 00:20:51,039 What stuff? 441 00:20:51,122 --> 00:20:52,957 Also, turns out Nugget's gay. 442 00:20:53,041 --> 00:20:56,294 I saw his texts and it's all tiny cocks. 443 00:20:58,129 --> 00:20:59,964 Oh, "Nugget" Nugget?