1
00:00:34,392 --> 00:00:36,394
Wow, dinner smells great, Lois.
What'd you make?

2
00:00:36,561 --> 00:00:39,856
Nothing. I just defrosted
one of the casseroles Bonnie left

3
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:41,941
on our porch after my foot got infected.

4
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:45,153
Most of our meals are donated stews
born of trauma.

5
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:46,780
Well, I had a scary day.

6
00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:49,365
During my science lab,
a whole beaker of chemicals

7
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:51,367
almost blew up right in my face.

8
00:00:51,534 --> 00:00:52,786
Oh, my God!

9
00:00:52,911 --> 00:00:55,288
Look at this peanut!
It's got three peanuts in it!

10
00:00:55,371 --> 00:00:57,749
Peter, stop bringing snack foods
to dinner.

11
00:00:57,832 --> 00:00:59,292
How was everyone else's day?

12
00:00:59,501 --> 00:01:01,377
My day was awful!

13
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:04,464
I had to give an oral book report
in front of my English class,

14
00:01:04,547 --> 00:01:07,759
but it was right when
I… was at full mast.

15
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:09,886
Okay, next up is Chris Griffin.

16
00:01:20,605 --> 00:01:23,399
My report is on Tom Sawyer.

17
00:01:23,525 --> 00:01:27,028
A modern-day warrior, mean, mean stride.

18
00:01:27,195 --> 00:01:30,573
Today's Tom Sawyer, mean, mean pride.

19
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,283
That is a song by Rush.

20
00:01:32,367 --> 00:01:35,328
I don't know, man.
I googled it, and that's what came up.

21
00:01:35,578 --> 00:01:37,288
Well, as much as I'd love
to sit and hear more

22
00:01:37,372 --> 00:01:40,834
about my son's public wood show,
me and the guys have a tee time.

23
00:01:40,917 --> 00:01:42,752
A "tee time"? But it's dark out.

24
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:45,588
Miniature golf, Lois.
And it's gonna be a blast.

25
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,257
Even more fun than a blow pop.

26
00:01:48,466 --> 00:01:50,093
I never should have married it.

27
00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:52,387
Once they say "I do," they don't.

28
00:01:56,391 --> 00:02:00,019
Ah, man, nothing better than hanging out
with my pals on a Tuesday night.

29
00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:03,106
Hey, why… How come we always
do stuff together on Tuesdays?

30
00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:06,192
It's when America unloads
all its week-old tacos.

31
00:02:06,276 --> 00:02:08,736
Sure, Congress can push through
Taco Tuesday,

32
00:02:08,820 --> 00:02:10,947
but we can't seem
to get decent Medicare reform.

33
00:02:11,114 --> 00:02:12,866
Those two things are unrelated, Joe.

34
00:02:12,949 --> 00:02:14,659
Says the shill for Big Taco.

35
00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:20,748
Should've played through
that birthday party.

36
00:02:20,832 --> 00:02:22,083
They're playing way too slow.

37
00:02:23,835 --> 00:02:26,588
Could we please have
some quiet on the greens?

38
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,305
Whoa, Chris.

39
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:36,723
What's going on? Where are you going?

40
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,850
I can't take the humiliation.

41
00:02:38,933 --> 00:02:42,228
I think my only option
is to move away forever.

42
00:02:42,312 --> 00:02:44,981
What? Wait, is this about what happened
with your book report?

43
00:02:45,064 --> 00:02:46,941
The teasing was awful, Brian.

44
00:02:47,025 --> 00:02:49,110
Even Principal Shepherd got in on it.

45
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,070
Chris Griffin,

46
00:02:51,154 --> 00:02:52,530
please report to woodshop.

47
00:02:52,655 --> 00:02:54,616
Stop it!

48
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,785
I'll stop when they stop laughing.

49
00:02:56,868 --> 00:03:00,789
My approval rating is through the roof,
just like Chris Griffin's rod!

50
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:04,375
On a more somber note,

51
00:03:04,459 --> 00:03:05,585
that kid with the helmet died.

52
00:03:06,461 --> 00:03:08,630
Chris, you can't just
run away from your problems.

53
00:03:08,713 --> 00:03:11,633
Well, I can't just move on
and pretend nothing happened.

54
00:03:11,716 --> 00:03:13,218
This isn't a school shooting.

55
00:03:13,301 --> 00:03:15,804
Okay, I see you're upset.

56
00:03:15,887 --> 00:03:18,807
And I wouldn't suggest this
if it weren't so serious, but…

57
00:03:18,890 --> 00:03:21,351
Look, Stewie and I built a time machine.

58
00:03:21,559 --> 00:03:23,144
You did? How?

59
00:03:23,353 --> 00:03:25,480
Well, you know,
I was always really good at Legos,

60
00:03:25,563 --> 00:03:27,816
and I think it just kind of
snowballed from there.

61
00:03:27,899 --> 00:03:32,195
You know, if I have any advice,
it's keep building, Chris. Keep building.

62
00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:35,573
Anyway, maybe you and I
travel back in time to this morning

63
00:03:35,657 --> 00:03:37,617
and give you a do-over
on your book report.

64
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:38,993
That would be amazing.

65
00:03:39,202 --> 00:03:40,620
Did Rupert come this way?

66
00:03:40,703 --> 00:03:43,915
Son of a bitch killed his wife
and he's blaming an eight-armed man.

67
00:03:44,165 --> 00:03:48,128
Brian's gonna let me use his time machine
to redo my book report.

68
00:03:48,211 --> 00:03:49,504
Oh, is that right?

69
00:03:49,587 --> 00:03:52,924
And how exactly
is Brian going to do that? Hmm?

70
00:03:53,007 --> 00:03:54,342
With his time machine?

71
00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:55,718
Hey, I handed you a wrench.

72
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,929
Yeah, the wrong wrench.
Just stay away from it.

73
00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:06,104
Hey, guys, you know what might be fun?

74
00:04:06,187 --> 00:04:09,065
We should all pull our money
and buy some scratchers together.

75
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,483
I love that idea.

76
00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:13,486
Yeah, it'd be a great way to cap off
our Tuesday guys' night.

77
00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:16,322
Oh, speaking of that,
we've got a special on tacos today.

78
00:04:16,406 --> 00:04:18,741
Let's keep your politics out of this, pal.

79
00:04:18,908 --> 00:04:20,076
Ah, you guys go ahead.

80
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,288
I'd rather spend my money
on this tightly curled horoscope scroll.

81
00:04:23,538 --> 00:04:24,706
Suit yourself.

82
00:04:25,790 --> 00:04:27,792
Here we go. Winning combo.

83
00:04:28,793 --> 00:04:32,755
Kim Kardashian,
Khloe Kardashian…

84
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,048
Scott Disick.

85
00:04:34,132 --> 00:04:37,093
I'll try my favorite, Dignity Dollars.

86
00:04:37,969 --> 00:04:39,471
Martin Luther King,

87
00:04:39,554 --> 00:04:41,431
Malcolm X.

88
00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:43,641
Aw, Jussie Smollett.

89
00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:46,978
Let me show you how it's done.
Give me one of the Bald Bucks.

90
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,063
Piven…

91
00:04:49,147 --> 00:04:50,440
Travolta…

92
00:04:51,107 --> 00:04:53,151
Cage! I'm a winner!

93
00:04:53,234 --> 00:04:55,904
Awesome! We won $123.

94
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:58,239
Split three ways, that's 41 bucks apiece.

95
00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:01,201
That's fine.
I'm happy with my horoscope scroll.

96
00:05:01,284 --> 00:05:02,619
"Be sure to gamble today

97
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:05,371
"with your handicapped,
horny and Black friend."

98
00:05:05,455 --> 00:05:07,665
Pfft. Right that could mean anything.

99
00:05:07,749 --> 00:05:11,836
"Also, close your search tabs before
your big work presentation tomorrow."

100
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,671
Bunch of mumbo-jumbo.

101
00:05:14,088 --> 00:05:16,382
As you can see, third quarter sales…

102
00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:18,635
Uh, sorry about that.

103
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:20,094
Yeah. Let me just, uh…

104
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,931
Okay. I don't know how that…

105
00:05:23,014 --> 00:05:24,724
Ah, just give me one second here.

106
00:05:24,808 --> 00:05:26,643
As… As I was saying, third quarter…

107
00:05:27,852 --> 00:05:30,021
I apologize for the slight, uh…

108
00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:31,898
A mini-mart scroll warned of this.

109
00:05:31,981 --> 00:05:33,191
I'll clean out my desk.

110
00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:51,709
I don't know, Brian.

111
00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:54,087
Stewie said to stay away
from the time machine.

112
00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:55,547
Don't worry about Stewie.

113
00:05:56,131 --> 00:05:58,133
Okay, just put in today's date.

114
00:05:58,216 --> 00:06:00,093
Set the time and go!

115
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,678
DNA mismatch.

116
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,471
Enter secondary voice password

117
00:06:03,555 --> 00:06:05,974
within 20 seconds
to prevent self-destruct.

118
00:06:06,141 --> 00:06:07,892
Crap! Secondary password?

119
00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:09,227
Self-destruct?

120
00:06:09,310 --> 00:06:10,687
Wait, wait, wait. I got this.

121
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,063
Zac Efron.

122
00:06:12,564 --> 00:06:14,482
Um, Susan Lucci.

123
00:06:14,566 --> 00:06:16,776
Dora! Diego! Gold's Gym!

124
00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:18,528
- Mykonos.
- Oh! I know, I know.

125
00:06:18,611 --> 00:06:20,989
Fabulous. Fab! Totally fab!

126
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,408
Uh, uh… Go, bitch! Whatever, bitch!

127
00:06:23,491 --> 00:06:24,659
Love you, bitch!

128
00:06:24,742 --> 00:06:26,953
Yes, Queen! Yas, Queen?

129
00:06:27,036 --> 00:06:30,874
Yaaaaas, Queeeeeen!

130
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:56,274
Hey. Hey! Hey!

131
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,151
Did you see that?

132
00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:10,705
Check it out, Chris.
Welcome to 16 hours ago.

133
00:07:10,914 --> 00:07:13,958
So, how does it feel
to be living in the past?

134
00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:16,836
Wow! Look how small that tree is

135
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,130
and how old all those cars look!

136
00:07:19,214 --> 00:07:21,883
Oh, yeah. There's gonna be a lot
of very small differences like that.

137
00:07:21,966 --> 00:07:24,093
Hold on.
I thought we were going to time travel

138
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,887
to my school, not to our house.

139
00:07:25,970 --> 00:07:28,431
Oh, yeah, plugged in
what was on the tag on my collar.

140
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:30,642
That's the only address I know.

141
00:07:30,725 --> 00:07:32,227
Wait a minute. This could be amazing.

142
00:07:32,310 --> 00:07:34,187
We got a few hours
before your book report.

143
00:07:34,270 --> 00:07:37,273
And with a day's advantage,
we can use that time to bet on sports,

144
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:38,733
already knowing the outcome.

145
00:07:38,817 --> 00:07:40,193
Oh, my gosh, you're right.

146
00:07:40,318 --> 00:07:43,530
Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on…
uh… Ah! Here we go. WNBA.

147
00:07:43,613 --> 00:07:45,406
There's a Mystic-Sparks game today.

148
00:07:45,490 --> 00:07:46,533
Remember who won that?

149
00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:48,827
I don't even know what city they're from.

150
00:07:48,910 --> 00:07:52,038
- Which one has Caitlin Clark?
- I don't know.

151
00:07:52,122 --> 00:07:54,165
Both of them? Neither?

152
00:07:54,249 --> 00:07:55,875
Man, she's the best, maybe.

153
00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:02,423
Hey, Cleveland. You look different.

154
00:08:02,507 --> 00:08:07,011
Yeah, with my scratcher winnings,
I was able to buy $41 of Ozempic.

155
00:08:07,137 --> 00:08:09,848
Donna thinks I'm starting
to look like skinny Jonah Hill.

156
00:08:09,931 --> 00:08:11,933
And just like Jonah Hill, I can't wait

157
00:08:12,016 --> 00:08:14,978
to be an aggressively
unstable relationship partner.

158
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,146
I see.

159
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,773
Must be nice to have money to burn.
I wouldn't know.

160
00:08:18,857 --> 00:08:20,525
Say guys, I forget.

161
00:08:20,608 --> 00:08:23,611
How many people does it take
to make a thing go right?

162
00:08:26,948 --> 00:08:28,408
I think you knew the answer.

163
00:08:28,616 --> 00:08:30,743
Thanks to those lucky scratchers
I just bought

164
00:08:30,827 --> 00:08:33,788
Now That's What I Call Music: Volume 12.

165
00:08:34,164 --> 00:08:36,374
Game, cassette, match.

166
00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:37,709
Hey, check it out, guys.

167
00:08:37,792 --> 00:08:40,462
I turned those winning scratchers
into a new belt.

168
00:08:40,545 --> 00:08:43,840
T.J. Maxx was having a sale
on everything that's strewn on the floor.

169
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:47,177
Great. Seems like everybody's
really enjoying their big winnings.

170
00:08:47,844 --> 00:08:50,930
Uh-uh. You can't wear
that shirt because of my therapy.

171
00:08:52,182 --> 00:08:55,602
I got her right under my pudgy,
non-threatening thumb.

172
00:09:01,065 --> 00:09:03,318
Okay, It's almost time
for your English class.

173
00:09:03,401 --> 00:09:07,197
We just have to head off your past self
so you can give the book report instead.

174
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,573
Sounds good.

175
00:09:08,656 --> 00:09:12,160
Whoa, I guess if I have anything
to say to Derek, I should say it now.

176
00:09:18,374 --> 00:09:20,627
I have nothing to say to Derek.

177
00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:21,711
Oh, here I come.

178
00:09:24,672 --> 00:09:26,299
Chris! You can't go in there!

179
00:09:26,382 --> 00:09:28,968
Brian, what are you doing here?

180
00:09:31,054 --> 00:09:33,056
Are you me?

181
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:35,308
Look, there's not much time.
We're from the future.

182
00:09:35,391 --> 00:09:37,060
Well, your future, our present.

183
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,603
Let me stop you right there.

184
00:09:38,686 --> 00:09:41,231
I'm 100% fine with whatever this is.

185
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,982
I just go where I'm told.

186
00:09:44,567 --> 00:09:48,571
Okay, Chris, get in there and make this
the flaccid-est report of your life.

187
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:51,116
I won't let you down.

188
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:53,243
Just in time, Chris. You're up.

189
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,370
Not today, I'm not.

190
00:09:55,453 --> 00:09:59,582
Hello, peers.
This is my report on the book, Tom Sawyer.

191
00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,793
The cover shows a kid painting a fence,

192
00:10:01,876 --> 00:10:05,213
and inside it is paper,
which is made from trees.

193
00:10:05,296 --> 00:10:06,506
The end.

194
00:10:06,589 --> 00:10:07,674
Chris, I may have to fail you.

195
00:10:07,757 --> 00:10:11,678
Well, that's all good, 'cause the only
chub in town is the insurance company.

196
00:10:11,761 --> 00:10:12,762
Kobe!

197
00:10:16,808 --> 00:10:19,227
Quagmire. I see you're wearing
a brown belt today.

198
00:10:19,310 --> 00:10:20,728
Did you buy another one?

199
00:10:20,812 --> 00:10:23,106
No. Same belt. Reversible.

200
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,358
That just blew my damn mind.

201
00:10:25,442 --> 00:10:27,694
Belts are reversible,
men are becoming women,

202
00:10:27,777 --> 00:10:30,321
I'm kind of getting into it,
what's this world coming to?

203
00:10:30,405 --> 00:10:32,907
Evening, gentlemen.
Thought I'd offer some celebratory

204
00:10:32,991 --> 00:10:35,285
popcorn shrimp
for the big scratcher winners.

205
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:38,163
Wow, no way!
That's the appetizer in commercials

206
00:10:38,246 --> 00:10:40,123
most likely to fly through the air.

207
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:43,001
Any food that's airborne on television
is very special.

208
00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:50,633
Peter. Come on, have some.

209
00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:53,470
I understood the shrimp
to be exclusively for winners.

210
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,513
Damn it! It's not fair.

211
00:10:55,597 --> 00:10:57,557
I've got to find a way
to have what they have.

212
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:05,732
Okay. Suction cups, pulley system,
carabiners, rope, ski mask.

213
00:11:05,815 --> 00:11:07,108
And one last thing.

214
00:11:07,192 --> 00:11:08,193
A bat.

215
00:11:15,658 --> 00:11:18,286
I don't understand
the crossword ones.

216
00:11:22,165 --> 00:11:23,750
Well, Chris, probably time to head home.

217
00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:27,128
And congrats again
on a successful, non-turgid book report.

218
00:11:27,212 --> 00:11:29,589
Please stop saying gross smart words.

219
00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:40,475
Uh, hey, is… is there maybe something
you guys want to tell me?

220
00:11:40,558 --> 00:11:43,436
Yeah. Did you know there was
a WNBA game yesterday

221
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,313
between the Mystics and the Sparks?

222
00:11:45,396 --> 00:11:48,775
Yes, of course. The Mystics crushed
the Sparks by 26 points.

223
00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:50,819
- Aw.
- Yeah, huge upset.

224
00:11:50,902 --> 00:11:52,112
Vegas had it all wrong.

225
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,156
Listen, I know you're probably mad.

226
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:56,741
We took the time machine without asking,

227
00:11:56,825 --> 00:11:58,868
but trust me,
there's nothing to worry about.

228
00:11:58,952 --> 00:11:59,953
You sure about that?

229
00:12:03,998 --> 00:12:05,667
I'm sorry, little guy.

230
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:08,253
Mom thinks it'll help
the swelling from the burns

231
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:10,713
if I put some of your diaper cream
on my face.

232
00:12:11,589 --> 00:12:14,342
Looks like Brian
and Chris kicked up a little more

233
00:12:14,425 --> 00:12:16,469
than dust on their mosey back in time.

234
00:12:16,553 --> 00:12:19,722
Now, please consider these fine
commercial products.

235
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:21,015
Whip sound effect.

236
00:12:21,099 --> 00:12:23,226
Yeah, he probably wasn't supposed
to read that last part.

237
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,311
Yeah. There, you see? There it is.

238
00:12:32,068 --> 00:12:33,903
Holy crap! What happened?

239
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:36,156
We… We didn't even see Meg in the past.

240
00:12:36,239 --> 00:12:40,535
Well, Brian, I would surmise
that in the original timeline,

241
00:12:40,618 --> 00:12:44,497
the laughter at Chris emanating
from his classroom created a distraction.

242
00:12:45,206 --> 00:12:48,626
So by turning her head slightly
to investigate, Meg kept her face

243
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:50,545
from being directly over the explosion.

244
00:12:50,795 --> 00:12:53,590
But in a timeline
where Chris was unaroused,

245
00:12:54,424 --> 00:12:56,426
the distracting laughter was absent.

246
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:59,929
Come on! Not one bag of pot
in any of these things!

247
00:13:00,889 --> 00:13:03,183
So, with no noise coming
from Chris's classroom,

248
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:06,686
Meg never turned her head away,
ensuring that her face would absorb

249
00:13:06,769 --> 00:13:08,021
the full brunt of the explosion.

250
00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:10,398
It's a weird word.

251
00:13:10,482 --> 00:13:12,859
"Brunt." Such a dumb language.

252
00:13:12,942 --> 00:13:14,402
I feel horrible.

253
00:13:14,486 --> 00:13:15,904
We gotta fix this.

254
00:13:15,987 --> 00:13:17,781
That's exactly what we're going to do.

255
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:20,408
Oh, this is bad.
Did… Did anything else change?

256
00:13:20,492 --> 00:13:22,577
One thing. Lois bought Popsicles for Meg

257
00:13:22,660 --> 00:13:24,245
since that's all she can eat now.

258
00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:29,959
Mm. So good.

259
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,461
- What's yours?
- Apple.

260
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,713
Aw, there's apple?
I thought that was lime!

261
00:13:35,298 --> 00:13:37,634
But we should… We should go fix

262
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:41,513
the Meg-burned-face thing,
though… right?

263
00:13:41,596 --> 00:13:43,515
Yeah, yeah. All right.

264
00:13:43,598 --> 00:13:47,060
Oh, hey, you guys.
I also got ice cream sandwiches for Meg.

265
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:50,980
It's a time machine.
We can leave whenever we want.

266
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:52,565
I mean, we make the schedule.

267
00:13:52,649 --> 00:13:53,942
Yeah, like, literally.

268
00:13:59,697 --> 00:14:01,491
Jon Hamm.

269
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,034
Arnold Palmer.

270
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:04,994
The third one's just a mirror.

271
00:14:05,370 --> 00:14:07,330
Oh, wait a minute.

272
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,873
Scratcher!

273
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,708
Peter, it's the middle of the night.

274
00:14:10,792 --> 00:14:12,335
What the hell are you doing?

275
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,212
Uh… Uh, having an affair?

276
00:14:14,295 --> 00:14:16,464
- What? With who?
- Uh, you don't know her.

277
00:14:16,548 --> 00:14:17,715
Her name is…

278
00:14:19,968 --> 00:14:21,177
Sandy Shoes.

279
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:24,681
Peter, are you just looking at stuff
in the car and making up lies?

280
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:27,016
Lois, that is completely speedometer.

281
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,852
Look, I don't know
what any of this is,

282
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,688
but just don't turn on the bathroom light
when you come to bed.

283
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,690
Okay. Thank you!

284
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,191
Thank… Thanks for no more questions.

285
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,026
Love you.

286
00:14:38,653 --> 00:14:40,155
Mr. Griffin, you're under arrest for…

287
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,073
I know, I know. How'd you find me?

288
00:14:42,157 --> 00:14:44,617
The store's security camera
caught you checking your height

289
00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:46,077
against the doorjamb sticker.

290
00:14:46,161 --> 00:14:47,620
I'm afraid I'm shrinking.

291
00:14:47,704 --> 00:14:49,706
We're going to measure again
at the jail, though, right?

292
00:14:55,879 --> 00:14:58,173
All right, we're back at the day
of Chris's book report.

293
00:14:58,256 --> 00:15:00,884
To save Meg's face
we just have to do two things.

294
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,385
First, we lock up the Chris

295
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,804
who successfully gave his report
without incident.

296
00:15:04,888 --> 00:15:07,682
- Flaccid Chris.
- Yes. Ew, ew, gross, but yes.

297
00:15:07,765 --> 00:15:10,435
And then we restore the laughter
that will distract Meg

298
00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:13,396
by releasing the original Chris
from the custodial closet.

299
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,689
Turgid Chris.

300
00:15:14,772 --> 00:15:16,733
You think you're clever,
but you're not clever.

301
00:15:19,569 --> 00:15:21,404
Look, there's Flaccid Me.

302
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:24,115
Happy? Now your crudeness
is a whole thing.

303
00:15:25,784 --> 00:15:27,327
Okay, gonna stop you right there, bud.

304
00:15:27,410 --> 00:15:29,662
Stewie? Aw, crap. This can't be good.

305
00:15:30,079 --> 00:15:31,915
Hey, Chris, we're gonna need you to…

306
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:33,249
Uh-oh.

307
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:34,793
Stewie, we've got a problem.

308
00:15:34,876 --> 00:15:36,836
- What? What's wrong?
- It seems that given

309
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,922
even a few minutes alone
in a locked closet,

310
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:40,340
Chris, uh…

311
00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:42,258
took matters into his own hands.

312
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,927
- What?
- Yeah, he's in there sleeping

313
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,513
and muttering about Lola Bunny
from Space Jam.

314
00:15:46,596 --> 00:15:49,474
- Who's that?
- A smoking hot rabbit.

315
00:15:51,059 --> 00:15:53,353
Okay? I didn't get it when you said it,
but now I get it.

316
00:15:53,436 --> 00:15:55,980
- So what do we do now?
- Don't worry. I've got this.

317
00:15:56,064 --> 00:15:57,899
Chris, your book report is back on,

318
00:15:57,982 --> 00:16:00,652
but this time,
you've got to do it at full mast.

319
00:16:00,735 --> 00:16:02,987
Yeah, one small issue with that.

320
00:16:03,071 --> 00:16:06,324
During the time you two were yakking
about how the me in the closet

321
00:16:06,407 --> 00:16:09,911
just masturbated… I, too, masturbated.

322
00:16:09,994 --> 00:16:11,496
- What?
- Oh for God's sake!

323
00:16:11,621 --> 00:16:13,748
Damn it!
We're running out of time to save Meg.

324
00:16:13,832 --> 00:16:16,501
Chris, we've got less than one minute
to get you aroused.

325
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:18,628
Um… okay.

326
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:21,381
Close your eyes.
You're a 19th century heiress

327
00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:24,175
alone in her vast estate
and awaiting a visit

328
00:16:24,259 --> 00:16:28,388
from the handsome vicar as her dear aunt
has recently passed from consumption.

329
00:16:28,471 --> 00:16:30,723
Yeah, that… that's… nothing.

330
00:16:30,849 --> 00:16:34,519
Well, I'm not proud
of what I'm about to say here, but…

331
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:39,232
Go to YouTube and type in "Brazilian
Women's Olympic volleyball team practice."

332
00:16:40,108 --> 00:16:41,776
They're all speaking Spanish.

333
00:16:41,860 --> 00:16:43,653
Is that part of it for you?

334
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:45,196
Portuguese, but yes.

335
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:46,865
You guys, you guys, stop.

336
00:16:46,948 --> 00:16:51,244
I'll just type in "Lauren Boebert, mutual
groping vaping in public Beetlejuice."

337
00:16:51,661 --> 00:16:54,080
Oh, you kinda sexy liar.

338
00:16:57,125 --> 00:16:58,460
I'm ready.

339
00:17:01,713 --> 00:17:03,506
He's a good kid. I'm proud of him.

340
00:17:07,469 --> 00:17:09,220
What's everyone laughing about?

341
00:17:09,304 --> 00:17:11,181
Which one is Derek's locker?

342
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:13,391
He can't find his anti-seizure medicine.

343
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:22,525
Hey, just so you know, I can eat 50 eggs.

344
00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:24,819
You already told me that four times!

345
00:17:24,903 --> 00:17:27,530
Okay. Well, 50 sometimes sounds like 15.

346
00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:30,325
So, I just wanted to make sure
you were properly impressed.

347
00:17:31,034 --> 00:17:32,744
What are you guys doing here?

348
00:17:32,827 --> 00:17:34,537
Ain't you all too good for me now?

349
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:36,372
Peter, we never felt that way.

350
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,583
Yeah, we were the ones
who wanted you to buy scratchers

351
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:39,918
with us in the first place.

352
00:17:40,001 --> 00:17:42,003
That's why we've come to bail you out.

353
00:17:42,086 --> 00:17:44,172
Bail me out? Seriously?

354
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:49,260
Look, I'm sorry I overreacted, you guys.

355
00:17:49,344 --> 00:17:52,639
I think I was just frustrated
about never actually winning anything.

356
00:17:52,722 --> 00:17:54,432
Peter, of course you're a winner.

357
00:17:54,516 --> 00:17:56,976
You've got a beautiful wife,
a family who loves you,

358
00:17:57,060 --> 00:18:00,146
and a bathroom window
that's not as frosted as you think.

359
00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:02,524
And you're white. That's a big one.

360
00:18:02,607 --> 00:18:06,528
Oh, yeah, my insulated experience
of the world always makes me forget that.

361
00:18:06,611 --> 00:18:10,115
We pooled our last $15
of scratcher winnings to pay your fine.

362
00:18:10,198 --> 00:18:12,200
- $50?
- No, 15.

363
00:18:12,283 --> 00:18:16,121
Oh. See, this… That's…
is the thing that I was saying.

364
00:18:23,628 --> 00:18:25,171
Man, you guys are the best.

365
00:18:25,255 --> 00:18:27,423
I hope you can forgive me
for acting so crazy.

366
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,925
Of course we do, Peter.

367
00:18:29,551 --> 00:18:32,345
Wait a second.
You got me out of jail for only $15

368
00:18:32,428 --> 00:18:33,763
after I committed a robbery?

369
00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:36,724
Well, I pulled a few strings.

370
00:18:36,808 --> 00:18:39,435
Kind of an easy sell to the chief
because you're white.

371
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:42,564
See, there's that…
there's that thing that I was saying.

372
00:18:52,907 --> 00:18:54,868
Are we for sure in the clear? How's Meg?

373
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,579
Mom, have you seen Meg?

374
00:18:57,662 --> 00:18:58,872
Yes, she went to the store.

375
00:18:58,955 --> 00:19:00,165
Well, I'm sure she's fine.

376
00:19:00,248 --> 00:19:02,000
- To pick up some ointment…
- Uh-oh.

377
00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:03,126
…for her vagina.

378
00:19:03,251 --> 00:19:05,295
Hurray!

379
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,255
A bit of a journey, but we got there.

380
00:19:07,338 --> 00:19:10,884
Listen, Stewie. We never should have used
your time machine without telling you.

381
00:19:10,967 --> 00:19:12,886
Chris and I owe you an apology.

382
00:19:12,969 --> 00:19:14,137
It's fine, Brian.

383
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,222
At least your heart
was in the right place.

384
00:19:16,306 --> 00:19:18,475
Yeah,
well, that's the thing, I'm…

385
00:19:18,808 --> 00:19:20,143
I'm not sure it was.

386
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:24,147
You see, Chris, I never should have
suggested a do-over on your book report.

387
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:25,899
What? Why not?

388
00:19:25,982 --> 00:19:28,735
Well, I realize now that all the awkward,

389
00:19:28,818 --> 00:19:31,070
embarrassing,
difficult experiences in life

390
00:19:31,154 --> 00:19:34,073
are exactly what shape people
into interesting adults.

391
00:19:34,157 --> 00:19:36,576
You need these cringy moments
because I know you have

392
00:19:36,659 --> 00:19:38,745
a very interesting future ahead of you.

393
00:19:38,828 --> 00:19:40,079
Thanks, Brian.

394
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,373
You know what?
Maybe let's put a pin in the hug

395
00:19:42,457 --> 00:19:44,709
until that book report pistol
is back in its holster.

396
00:19:44,793 --> 00:19:47,921
Eh, that could just be
time-travel related, from the re-entry.

397
00:19:48,004 --> 00:19:50,048
- Re… Really?
- Yeah. You know how you can get

398
00:19:50,131 --> 00:19:52,550
rando boners on airplanes? It's like that.

399
00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:56,596
Oh, that's right. The first person
it ever happened to was Charles Lindbergh.

400
00:19:56,679 --> 00:19:58,097
Here's Lucky Lindbergh

401
00:19:58,223 --> 00:20:00,141
landing in the City of Lights.

402
00:20:00,225 --> 00:20:03,394
And like all great pilots,
he's emerged from the cockpit

403
00:20:03,478 --> 00:20:06,189
with a Betty Boop beach towel
around his waist.

404
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:09,025
I am perfectly limp, and what the Nazis do

405
00:20:09,109 --> 00:20:11,069
is an internal matter.

406
00:20:16,199 --> 00:20:17,784
What's going on, guys?

407
00:20:17,867 --> 00:20:20,245
It's me, Corey, with After the "Guy."

408
00:20:20,328 --> 00:20:24,040
We've only got a minute to break down
all the best Guy moments from this week.

409
00:20:24,124 --> 00:20:27,544
And as always, we're brought to you
by too many sponsors.

410
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:29,796
Peter, what did you think of the episode?

411
00:20:29,879 --> 00:20:32,173
Well, Corey, I'd say most of it
was freaking sweet,

412
00:20:32,257 --> 00:20:35,677
just like squeezable Smucker's Jelly,
now with a spill-proof top.

413
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:39,055
And even if there was a plot hole or two,
they're no match for Flex Tape.

414
00:20:39,139 --> 00:20:41,474
Flex Tape, stick it in the drawer,
forget you have it

415
00:20:41,558 --> 00:20:43,226
and then buy it again three years later.

416
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:46,688
Okay, question for Stewie.
Who can understand the baby?

417
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:50,191
Okay, as I've explained
for the last six of these, Corey…

418
00:20:50,275 --> 00:20:51,317
He… had to leave.

419
00:20:51,401 --> 00:20:53,111
He's boxing Jake Paul tonight.

420
00:20:53,194 --> 00:20:55,613
Closing credits under theme song.

421
00:20:55,697 --> 00:20:58,616
Is there a way to highlight
just the words he has to say?