1 00:00:34,516 --> 00:00:35,623 We now return 2 00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:37,183 to what we think Yellowstone is, 3 00:00:37,260 --> 00:00:38,759 but we've never actually watched it, 4 00:00:38,837 --> 00:00:40,261 so we're not totally sure. 5 00:00:40,338 --> 00:00:42,355 God, I love being in the Old West, 6 00:00:42,431 --> 00:00:43,523 or maybe present day, 7 00:00:43,599 --> 00:00:45,358 it's unclear on the Paramount billboards. 8 00:00:45,434 --> 00:00:48,620 Hey, other cowboys, did you get the cows put away here 9 00:00:48,696 --> 00:00:51,155 in the great state of... Wyoming? 10 00:00:51,232 --> 00:00:52,273 Montana, maybe? 11 00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:55,442 We sure did, Yellowstone Boss Cowboy. 12 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:57,278 And I'm Kevin Costner. 13 00:00:57,355 --> 00:00:59,113 Okay, that much I know. 14 00:00:59,190 --> 00:01:00,857 - He quit. - Then I know nothing. 15 00:01:00,859 --> 00:01:03,450 Apparently, the original title for that series was 16 00:01:03,528 --> 00:01:05,028 Get Back Here, Cows. 17 00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:08,714 Maybe just try watching the show. 18 00:01:08,791 --> 00:01:10,475 It's really quite popular. 19 00:01:10,552 --> 00:01:11,792 Guys, I've done it. 20 00:01:11,870 --> 00:01:14,220 The work for which I'll be known for. 21 00:01:14,297 --> 00:01:16,039 Got an extra "for" in that sentence. 22 00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:17,206 Come take a look. I'm serious. 23 00:01:17,208 --> 00:01:19,042 It's the best work I've ever done. 24 00:01:19,044 --> 00:01:20,844 Is this that thing where you're changing words 25 00:01:20,895 --> 00:01:22,712 in Harry Potter to dog stuff 26 00:01:22,714 --> 00:01:24,230 until it's legally a different book? 27 00:01:24,307 --> 00:01:27,066 Oh, there's plenty of adventures at Dogwarts coming up, 28 00:01:27,143 --> 00:01:28,568 but this is something else. 29 00:01:30,055 --> 00:01:31,888 - It's a hole. - Right? 30 00:01:31,906 --> 00:01:33,217 I-I was just, I was in the zone, man. 31 00:01:33,241 --> 00:01:34,407 I-I... It was like... 32 00:01:34,483 --> 00:01:36,163 it was like I was just channeling the work. 33 00:01:36,227 --> 00:01:37,910 Like-like it was just coming through me. 34 00:01:37,987 --> 00:01:40,229 - Very nice, Brian. - It's a masterpiece. 35 00:01:40,231 --> 00:01:43,066 A masterpiece I created with my own hands, 36 00:01:43,068 --> 00:01:45,051 and no one can take it away from me. 37 00:01:45,846 --> 00:01:47,570 I took it away from you. 38 00:01:47,572 --> 00:01:49,496 Dude! What's your problem, man? 39 00:01:49,574 --> 00:01:50,809 He's in a mood, I-I don't know, 40 00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:53,593 I-I... said something mean about a show. 41 00:01:53,669 --> 00:01:55,094 Anyway, good job, Brian. 42 00:01:55,171 --> 00:01:58,314 Thank you for sharing this with us. 43 00:02:00,009 --> 00:02:03,010 What the hell? You buried Rupert? 44 00:02:03,088 --> 00:02:06,030 Are you okay? Oh, please be okay. 45 00:02:06,107 --> 00:02:08,783 You bastard! What do you have to say for yourself? 46 00:02:09,870 --> 00:02:12,261 ¿No hablo inglés? 47 00:02:12,263 --> 00:02:16,124 Got to leave lots of space. We're just getting started. 48 00:02:20,788 --> 00:02:21,880 I'll say this, Rupert, 49 00:02:21,956 --> 00:02:24,048 you were long overdue for a bath. 50 00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:26,125 Oh, hush. Just because BuzzFeed says 51 00:02:26,202 --> 00:02:28,869 Jake Gyllenhaal doesn't bathe, that doesn't make it true, 52 00:02:28,871 --> 00:02:30,871 even though it 100% is. 53 00:02:30,949 --> 00:02:32,223 Now what's this? 54 00:02:34,710 --> 00:02:36,043 Made in China? 55 00:02:36,062 --> 00:02:38,304 Rupert, you're... you're Chinese? 56 00:02:38,381 --> 00:02:39,789 I had no idea. 57 00:02:39,791 --> 00:02:41,290 My word, all these years, 58 00:02:41,292 --> 00:02:44,051 I have been in a multicultural relationship. 59 00:02:44,129 --> 00:02:46,404 Well, sometimes life takes you down a different road. 60 00:02:46,481 --> 00:02:48,131 Just ask Robert Frost. 61 00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:51,968 "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, 62 00:02:51,970 --> 00:02:54,971 "I took the one less traveled by..." 63 00:02:54,973 --> 00:02:56,806 All right, I saw the back of what I think is 64 00:02:56,808 --> 00:02:58,899 my son's English teacher pushing a grocery cart 65 00:02:58,977 --> 00:03:00,585 full of his possessions, 66 00:03:00,662 --> 00:03:03,646 and I just can't have that interaction right now. 67 00:03:03,648 --> 00:03:04,830 Mr. Frost? 68 00:03:04,907 --> 00:03:08,317 Oh, hey, Mr. Thompson. Uh... 69 00:03:08,319 --> 00:03:09,819 - what've you been up to? - Nothing much. 70 00:03:09,821 --> 00:03:11,154 Just waiting for the district 71 00:03:11,172 --> 00:03:14,006 to finish its "administrative review." 72 00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:15,825 Not really something I can talk about. 73 00:03:15,827 --> 00:03:17,160 Okay, well I'm gonna go ahead 74 00:03:17,162 --> 00:03:18,995 and take the road more traveled by. 75 00:03:19,013 --> 00:03:22,256 Could really use somebody to write a letter on my behalf. 76 00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:23,942 I'm not really a writer. 77 00:03:26,838 --> 00:03:29,855 Good morning, Brian. Or rather, ni hao. 78 00:03:29,932 --> 00:03:31,132 Why are you dressed like that? 79 00:03:31,176 --> 00:03:33,359 Oh, my God, that is such a Year of the Monkey 80 00:03:33,436 --> 00:03:35,119 thing to ask. Right, Rupert? 81 00:03:35,196 --> 00:03:37,530 Textbook Year of the Monkey, this guy. 82 00:03:37,606 --> 00:03:39,006 Right? You're nine years old, right? 83 00:03:39,033 --> 00:03:41,960 - Yeah. - Right, so, 2024, 2023... 84 00:03:41,995 --> 00:03:43,444 Right, yup, Monkey. Monkey. 85 00:03:43,521 --> 00:03:46,080 I-I can always tell because I'm Year of the Pig. 86 00:03:46,115 --> 00:03:47,448 Does all this have something to do 87 00:03:47,525 --> 00:03:49,542 with you finding out that Rupert was made in China? 88 00:03:49,618 --> 00:03:52,136 Well, not that it should need a reason, but yes, Brian. 89 00:03:52,213 --> 00:03:53,304 I want Rupert to feel 90 00:03:53,381 --> 00:03:55,531 his culture is welcome and embraced here. 91 00:03:55,533 --> 00:03:58,125 So, you've decided to talk and dress like an idiot? 92 00:03:58,203 --> 00:03:59,793 Idiot, eh? Well, let's hear you say that 93 00:03:59,871 --> 00:04:02,872 after I have a very lazy Steven Seagal-type 94 00:04:02,874 --> 00:04:05,374 martial arts fight against Russian shills. 95 00:04:08,471 --> 00:04:09,895 He is invincible. 96 00:04:09,972 --> 00:04:11,564 Even better than Steven Seagal, 97 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:12,973 who unzipped his leather pants 98 00:04:13,051 --> 00:04:15,309 in front of Portia di Rossi at an audition. 99 00:04:15,386 --> 00:04:18,070 Hey, just because you read that in BuzzFeed article 100 00:04:18,147 --> 00:04:21,833 does not make it true, even though it 100% is. 101 00:04:26,655 --> 00:04:30,399 Rupert, I want you to feel that your heritage is respected here, 102 00:04:30,418 --> 00:04:31,843 so I've made a few tweaks 103 00:04:31,919 --> 00:04:33,994 to our favorite classic television show. 104 00:04:34,072 --> 00:04:35,921 We now return to E.R. 105 00:04:35,998 --> 00:04:37,406 Edited for Eastern medicine. 106 00:04:37,408 --> 00:04:39,684 - I need ten cc's of... - Ginseng root. 107 00:04:39,761 --> 00:04:41,313 And somebody set this patient up with... 108 00:04:41,337 --> 00:04:43,378 Goldfish to nibble his toes. 109 00:04:44,749 --> 00:04:46,818 We're gonna lose him if we can't get our hands on some... 110 00:04:46,842 --> 00:04:48,234 Baby elephant bones. 111 00:04:50,271 --> 00:04:52,679 - He's coding. - There's just one chance. 112 00:04:52,757 --> 00:04:55,424 - We need... - The lady doctors to kiss. 113 00:04:55,426 --> 00:04:57,276 I made some tweaks as well. 114 00:04:57,353 --> 00:04:59,686 Well, I think I have gone above and beyond 115 00:04:59,764 --> 00:05:01,289 in embracing Rupert's culture. 116 00:05:04,936 --> 00:05:07,861 Rupert, you... you're looking out to the east. 117 00:05:07,863 --> 00:05:10,048 You're still thinking about your roots. 118 00:05:11,384 --> 00:05:14,610 I know, Rupert. You want to see your homeland again. 119 00:05:14,612 --> 00:05:15,961 You want to find your parents. 120 00:05:16,038 --> 00:05:17,704 You want to casually moped 121 00:05:17,782 --> 00:05:20,058 through an asteroid field of traffic. 122 00:05:20,134 --> 00:05:21,801 All right, Rupert, you win. 123 00:05:21,877 --> 00:05:24,120 Tomorrow I will take you to China. 124 00:05:24,122 --> 00:05:26,213 Didn't you set Rupert up at that window? 125 00:05:26,291 --> 00:05:27,973 Which is facing north, by the way. 126 00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:30,217 Shut up Brian. We're going to China. 127 00:05:32,221 --> 00:05:34,297 Yeah, sound guy? Yeah, let's, um... 128 00:05:34,299 --> 00:05:36,199 let's pace ourselves on that stuff, okay? 129 00:05:42,140 --> 00:05:44,490 Wait a minute, you're taking Rupert to China 130 00:05:44,567 --> 00:05:45,825 so he can meet his family? 131 00:05:45,901 --> 00:05:46,918 That's right, Brian. 132 00:05:46,994 --> 00:05:49,069 Rupert wants to find his mom and dad, 133 00:05:49,147 --> 00:05:51,497 and he wants to eat one tiny part of a shark 134 00:05:51,574 --> 00:05:52,982 and throw the rest in the garbage. 135 00:05:52,984 --> 00:05:54,926 And I'm going to make that happen for him. 136 00:05:55,002 --> 00:05:56,319 You can't go to China, Stewie. 137 00:05:56,321 --> 00:05:57,929 - Why not? - Because you're an infant. 138 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,764 There's no way Peter and Lois will let you. 139 00:05:59,841 --> 00:06:01,824 They'll never even notice I'm gone. 140 00:06:01,826 --> 00:06:03,659 They're at VR Burning Man. 141 00:06:04,996 --> 00:06:06,329 Yeah, my wife is here, 142 00:06:06,331 --> 00:06:08,589 but she said I could glitter paint anyone I want. 143 00:06:08,666 --> 00:06:11,667 Why, yes, I will trade my wife for some toilet paper, 144 00:06:11,669 --> 00:06:13,336 man with top hat and goggles. 145 00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:16,763 Okay, Stewie, there's also the fact that Rupert is, 146 00:06:16,841 --> 00:06:18,098 - um... - What? 147 00:06:18,176 --> 00:06:20,843 He... Look, Rupert doesn't have a family. 148 00:06:20,845 --> 00:06:23,770 In China or anywhere. Rupert's just a toy. 149 00:06:23,848 --> 00:06:26,273 What did you say? 150 00:06:26,351 --> 00:06:27,850 Rupert is a toy. 151 00:06:27,852 --> 00:06:31,045 Let me hear you say that one more time. 152 00:06:32,206 --> 00:06:34,799 It was then that I realized I can't hear. 153 00:06:34,876 --> 00:06:36,634 I can't hear, Dr. Scott. 154 00:06:36,711 --> 00:06:37,860 And if that's true, 155 00:06:37,862 --> 00:06:39,637 how do I know I'm even being heard? 156 00:06:39,639 --> 00:06:41,881 How do I know if I even exist at all? 157 00:06:41,957 --> 00:06:44,124 Yeah. Yeah, totally. 158 00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:45,368 Yeah, would-would you mind 159 00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:47,461 not folding your laundry during our session? 160 00:06:47,538 --> 00:06:50,982 Hey, man, this is therapy that advertises on podcasts. 161 00:06:51,058 --> 00:06:53,818 It-it costs, like, 18 bucks. You get what you get. 162 00:06:54,803 --> 00:06:56,154 At PhoneMD, 163 00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:58,190 we believe therapy doesn't have to be expensive. 164 00:06:58,216 --> 00:06:59,473 Or even effective. 165 00:06:59,550 --> 00:07:02,476 It just has to be reportable to your spouse. 166 00:07:02,553 --> 00:07:04,053 PhoneMD. Get therapy 167 00:07:04,055 --> 00:07:05,830 on the thing that led to the affair. 168 00:07:07,225 --> 00:07:09,149 Look, Brian, I'm taking Rupert to China 169 00:07:09,227 --> 00:07:11,502 and it's none of your business. You're not invited anyway. 170 00:07:11,504 --> 00:07:13,746 What would you even do in China... see if Olivia Munn 171 00:07:13,822 --> 00:07:15,965 left a sister back in the homeland? 172 00:07:22,256 --> 00:07:23,256 Are you... 173 00:07:23,332 --> 00:07:25,349 Yes, John Mulaney's brother, Don. 174 00:07:25,426 --> 00:07:27,685 And I'm looking for the same thing you are. 175 00:07:27,762 --> 00:07:29,147 Ladies and gentlemen, 176 00:07:29,171 --> 00:07:30,913 as we begin our descent into Beijing, 177 00:07:30,915 --> 00:07:32,409 we ask that you power down your devices. 178 00:07:32,433 --> 00:07:34,525 Blast! I need to hurry up and finish this episode 179 00:07:34,602 --> 00:07:38,421 of Yellowstone, which we still haven't ever actually watched. 180 00:07:41,367 --> 00:07:42,700 You can't take our land. 181 00:07:42,777 --> 00:07:44,869 We built all this nothing from nothing. 182 00:07:44,946 --> 00:07:46,929 I'm sorry, but I got a paper here 183 00:07:46,931 --> 00:07:49,114 signed by the governor of this Dakota. 184 00:07:49,191 --> 00:07:51,042 Cowboy husband? Is everything okay? 185 00:07:51,118 --> 00:07:52,618 Get back inside, 186 00:07:52,695 --> 00:07:55,838 women who are way hotter than real women from this place. 187 00:08:01,036 --> 00:08:02,795 Here we are. We made it. 188 00:08:02,871 --> 00:08:03,888 Hey, check this out. 189 00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:06,265 Everyone, the Olympics are coming! 190 00:08:12,139 --> 00:08:15,140 Right? Oh, friggin' China, man. 191 00:08:15,217 --> 00:08:17,126 I mean, 800 workers just died, 192 00:08:17,128 --> 00:08:19,111 but still, tip your cap, you know? 193 00:08:25,636 --> 00:08:27,394 Hey. Thanks for making our stuff. 194 00:08:27,472 --> 00:08:28,562 Thank you. 195 00:08:28,639 --> 00:08:30,063 Our country stopped making stuff, 196 00:08:30,141 --> 00:08:31,640 so thank you for making the stuff 197 00:08:31,642 --> 00:08:32,959 'cause we still need stuff. 198 00:08:36,572 --> 00:08:39,498 I say. Back in the old stomping ground, eh, friend? 199 00:08:39,575 --> 00:08:40,907 Why, you must feel like Jesus did 200 00:08:40,985 --> 00:08:42,576 when he returned from the dead. 201 00:08:42,578 --> 00:08:45,004 Hey, hey, look who's back. Miss me? 202 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,933 Jesus. Hey, hey! This is great. This is great. 203 00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:51,160 So, uh, listen, um, 204 00:08:51,162 --> 00:08:53,012 I hired you to build me a table 205 00:08:53,088 --> 00:08:55,422 back before all the stuff went down, right? 206 00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:57,233 And, uh, well, look... 207 00:08:58,169 --> 00:09:00,945 Hmm. Do you have a receipt? 208 00:09:01,022 --> 00:09:04,097 Um, no. I mean... Well, you died, 209 00:09:04,175 --> 00:09:06,215 so I figured there was no point in hanging on to it. 210 00:09:06,268 --> 00:09:10,246 Yeah, you kind of want to always keep the receipt. 211 00:09:11,365 --> 00:09:12,415 Look. There! 212 00:09:15,277 --> 00:09:17,420 It's Rupert's brothers and sisters. 213 00:09:21,042 --> 00:09:22,858 And there's his mother and father. 214 00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:24,688 Yeah, are you sure those aren't just random workers 215 00:09:24,712 --> 00:09:26,195 who happen to be on duty today? 216 00:09:26,197 --> 00:09:28,697 No, they're his mom and dad, I'm certain. Look... 217 00:09:28,699 --> 00:09:30,866 she has Rupert's same non-smile. 218 00:09:30,868 --> 00:09:33,126 And he has Rupert's glassy, dead eyes. 219 00:09:33,204 --> 00:09:35,629 All right, Brian, remember... it's vital that I make 220 00:09:35,706 --> 00:09:36,941 a good impression on these people. 221 00:09:36,965 --> 00:09:38,207 So, to review? 222 00:09:38,209 --> 00:09:40,726 You're a wealthy American businessman. 223 00:09:40,803 --> 00:09:43,395 - And also? - The lead singer of Coldplay. 224 00:09:43,472 --> 00:09:45,639 Perfect. Now I want you to film all of this 225 00:09:45,716 --> 00:09:48,492 because after we meet them, I'm going to ask their blessing 226 00:09:48,569 --> 00:09:51,220 - to marry Rupert. - W-What? 227 00:09:51,222 --> 00:09:55,057 You guys? There's someone here who'd like to say hello. 228 00:09:55,059 --> 00:09:56,091 Okay. 229 00:09:56,093 --> 00:09:58,060 Yes, it's your son, Rupert! 230 00:09:58,062 --> 00:10:01,063 If they start weeping, obviously zoom way in on that. 231 00:10:01,065 --> 00:10:03,248 Oh, look at you. You're clearly in shock. 232 00:10:03,325 --> 00:10:05,992 And now, like every host of a cooking travel show, 233 00:10:06,070 --> 00:10:08,012 I'm going to disregard cultural norms 234 00:10:08,089 --> 00:10:10,089 and touch your body without your consent. 235 00:10:10,165 --> 00:10:12,424 Ignoring your discomfort... 236 00:10:12,501 --> 00:10:14,167 Ignoring your discomfort. 237 00:10:14,245 --> 00:10:16,520 Feel free to cry. Makes for better video. 238 00:10:16,597 --> 00:10:19,081 - Okay. - We have so much to talk about. 239 00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:21,842 But I just want you to know we don't hold it against you... 240 00:10:21,919 --> 00:10:23,694 you giving up Rupert... even though it did 241 00:10:23,771 --> 00:10:25,696 - mess him up, sexually. - Okay. 242 00:10:25,773 --> 00:10:27,751 I mean, I'm sure you guys had lots of stuff going on. 243 00:10:27,775 --> 00:10:29,367 I mean, obviously, the career... 244 00:10:29,443 --> 00:10:31,427 Can't expect you to walk away from all this. 245 00:10:31,429 --> 00:10:35,539 So, I'm Rupert's special friend, Stewie Griffin-Dockers III. 246 00:10:35,616 --> 00:10:37,766 Yes, of the pants Dockers. Let's not 247 00:10:37,768 --> 00:10:39,935 - make a big deal out of it. - Okay. 248 00:10:39,937 --> 00:10:42,104 But I really love what you have here. 249 00:10:42,106 --> 00:10:44,123 That's such a cute hole they give you for a toilet. 250 00:10:44,199 --> 00:10:45,549 Brian, tell them about my toilet. 251 00:10:45,626 --> 00:10:49,011 - He's wearing it. - I'm wearing my toilet. So... 252 00:10:51,707 --> 00:10:54,875 Am I still supposed to be recording this? 253 00:10:54,952 --> 00:10:56,560 So, listen, we, um... 254 00:10:56,637 --> 00:10:59,897 we didn't really come all the way to China just to say hello. 255 00:10:59,974 --> 00:11:01,974 As I said, Rupert and I are, um, 256 00:11:02,050 --> 00:11:04,126 very special friends. 257 00:11:04,128 --> 00:11:07,129 Truthfully, more than friends. And, um... 258 00:11:07,131 --> 00:11:10,074 You know, when a baby gets to be a certain age, 259 00:11:10,151 --> 00:11:13,244 he starts thinking about his future. And, um, 260 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:17,915 who he wants to share that future with. And, um... 261 00:11:17,992 --> 00:11:19,210 - Still rolling. - I know. 262 00:11:19,234 --> 00:11:20,754 It's just, if this video goes too long, 263 00:11:20,828 --> 00:11:22,161 I won't be able to text it to you. 264 00:11:22,237 --> 00:11:23,646 You can friggin' AirDrop it! 265 00:11:23,648 --> 00:11:24,980 Also, someone's using the toilet hole 266 00:11:24,982 --> 00:11:26,181 in the background of your shot. 267 00:11:26,183 --> 00:11:28,000 Okay, you know what, let's not do this here. 268 00:11:28,076 --> 00:11:29,760 We clearly have a ton to talk about, 269 00:11:29,837 --> 00:11:31,595 so perhaps dinner is in order? 270 00:11:31,672 --> 00:11:33,413 Maybe we drop by around 6:00? 271 00:11:33,491 --> 00:11:36,008 - Okay. - Great, but you have to promise me 272 00:11:36,010 --> 00:11:37,826 no special treatment just because 273 00:11:37,828 --> 00:11:39,937 I'm a casual slacks billionaire. 274 00:11:41,666 --> 00:11:43,332 Who are those Americans poking around 275 00:11:43,334 --> 00:11:45,109 our industrial facility and filming? 276 00:11:45,186 --> 00:11:47,169 - Are they spies? - I don't know. 277 00:11:47,171 --> 00:11:50,506 I'm not seeing any matches on the facial recognition software. 278 00:11:50,508 --> 00:11:52,341 Or on Tinder. 279 00:11:52,343 --> 00:11:53,676 Yeah, what do you expect? 280 00:11:53,678 --> 00:11:56,679 We're a country of a billion guys and eight girls. 281 00:11:56,681 --> 00:11:58,363 Whoops! 282 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:01,033 Maybe we threw away too many girls. 283 00:12:01,109 --> 00:12:02,460 Count it. 284 00:12:08,042 --> 00:12:10,192 - Aah! - Hello, hello, hello. 285 00:12:10,194 --> 00:12:12,544 Mmm, something smells delicious 286 00:12:12,621 --> 00:12:15,288 and with the eyeballs still on it. I brought wine. 287 00:12:15,366 --> 00:12:17,883 Wow, that's a very expensive bottle, 288 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,626 lead singer from Coldplay, 289 00:12:19,645 --> 00:12:20,886 which I forgot to mention earlier. 290 00:12:20,888 --> 00:12:22,221 No, it's nothing. 291 00:12:22,373 --> 00:12:25,040 Now, before we do anything else, I just have to know... 292 00:12:25,042 --> 00:12:27,059 which one of you two hogs the blankets? 293 00:12:27,135 --> 00:12:28,877 Who does Rupert get that from? 294 00:12:28,879 --> 00:12:31,972 Uh, look at Pop-Pop's face. Busted! 295 00:12:32,049 --> 00:12:33,991 I think we found our blanket hog. 296 00:12:34,068 --> 00:12:35,068 Okay. 297 00:12:36,403 --> 00:12:40,405 Well, we're here because, um, I... 298 00:12:40,482 --> 00:12:42,224 I have something important to ask you. 299 00:12:42,226 --> 00:12:43,225 Okay. 300 00:12:43,227 --> 00:12:46,912 So, Rupert and I, um... 301 00:12:46,989 --> 00:12:49,431 Could-could I maybe have some tea first? 302 00:12:49,433 --> 00:12:50,433 Tea? 303 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,160 Ugh, I'm such a klutz. 304 00:12:54,238 --> 00:12:56,755 Someone hands me a china cup, I look away, right? 305 00:12:56,832 --> 00:12:59,666 Down with china. You know? Down with china. 306 00:12:59,744 --> 00:13:01,093 At this point, 307 00:13:01,095 --> 00:13:03,428 I am basically an enemy of china, right? 308 00:13:03,505 --> 00:13:07,099 Anyway, I'm here, um, to ask you a question. 309 00:13:07,175 --> 00:13:09,527 It's a very, very important... 310 00:13:09,603 --> 00:13:11,270 Actually, you know what? Two questions. 311 00:13:11,346 --> 00:13:13,197 You remember that old Calgon commercial? 312 00:13:13,274 --> 00:13:15,032 "Ancient Chinese secret," right? 313 00:13:15,109 --> 00:13:17,684 What exactly is the ancient Chinese secret? 314 00:13:17,762 --> 00:13:19,261 I'll pay you anything 315 00:13:19,263 --> 00:13:21,430 if you'll tell me the ancient Chinese secret. 316 00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:24,741 Stewie, are you gonna do this or not? 317 00:13:24,818 --> 00:13:26,026 Yes, yes, Brian, fine. 318 00:13:26,103 --> 00:13:29,029 So... What I really came here 319 00:13:29,106 --> 00:13:30,339 to ask you is this. 320 00:13:32,276 --> 00:13:35,094 Will you please give Rupert and me your blessing to... 321 00:13:36,055 --> 00:13:37,888 You're under arrest. 322 00:13:37,965 --> 00:13:39,890 The charge is espionage against China. 323 00:13:39,967 --> 00:13:41,392 I didn't do espionage. 324 00:13:41,468 --> 00:13:45,104 And aggravated sodomy against a stuffed animal. 325 00:13:45,973 --> 00:13:47,273 I didn't do espionage. 326 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:54,980 Twenty years in a labor camp 327 00:13:55,057 --> 00:13:57,482 for spying on China. What a mess. 328 00:13:57,559 --> 00:13:58,984 "Hire Sidney Powell," he said. 329 00:13:59,061 --> 00:14:00,894 It's the only place she's still licensed. 330 00:14:00,971 --> 00:14:02,821 Break's over. Get back to work 331 00:14:02,973 --> 00:14:05,082 making solar panels for American liberals. 332 00:14:08,236 --> 00:14:09,995 Didn't realize all our solar panels 333 00:14:10,072 --> 00:14:11,814 are made by Chinese political prisoners. 334 00:14:11,816 --> 00:14:14,316 Yes. White liberals have a lot to answer for. 335 00:14:14,318 --> 00:14:16,668 Well, I'd say conservatives do as well, 336 00:14:16,745 --> 00:14:18,929 especially in a post Roe v. Wade world. 337 00:14:20,007 --> 00:14:23,416 Oh my gosh, I finally get to see this little guy. 338 00:14:23,494 --> 00:14:24,993 He's adorable. 339 00:14:24,995 --> 00:14:26,845 He looks just like your rapist. 340 00:14:26,922 --> 00:14:28,497 I think he looks like both of us. 341 00:14:28,499 --> 00:14:31,275 He's a cutie. He's gonna be a little lady killer. 342 00:14:31,352 --> 00:14:34,019 Well, we'll see. I don't want to put any pressure on him. 343 00:14:34,096 --> 00:14:35,946 This is outrageous. I'm not a spy 344 00:14:36,098 --> 00:14:37,856 and I'm not doing your prison labor. 345 00:14:37,933 --> 00:14:39,858 Let me guess... Year of the Monkey? 346 00:14:39,935 --> 00:14:41,176 Yep. Bingo. 347 00:14:41,178 --> 00:14:43,770 Okay, monkey, if you won't do this labor, 348 00:14:43,848 --> 00:14:46,865 we will give you and your friend hard labor. 349 00:14:49,128 --> 00:14:51,854 The hard labor is watching the movie Tár? 350 00:14:51,856 --> 00:14:53,964 And answer questions about the film. 351 00:14:54,041 --> 00:14:56,875 "Why should the viewer care about this protagonist? 352 00:14:56,952 --> 00:14:59,136 What are we hoping she accomplishes?" 353 00:14:59,213 --> 00:15:01,955 "What is the ultimate message of the movie Tár?" 354 00:15:01,957 --> 00:15:04,867 "Why is there an accent mark over the A in Tár, 355 00:15:04,869 --> 00:15:07,144 despite the fact that it is a one-syllable word, 356 00:15:07,221 --> 00:15:10,296 and therefore contains no other syllables to de-accentuate?" 357 00:15:10,374 --> 00:15:12,224 Oh, no, now it's getting really tough. 358 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,300 "What does a conductor actually do? 359 00:15:14,378 --> 00:15:16,728 "Why couldn't the best musicians in the world, 360 00:15:16,805 --> 00:15:18,397 "who are trained at Juilliard, 361 00:15:18,473 --> 00:15:19,882 "play music without some maniac 362 00:15:19,884 --> 00:15:21,307 "waving a stick in front of them? 363 00:15:21,385 --> 00:15:24,644 "Why are people who hold and wave sticks so tormented? 364 00:15:24,722 --> 00:15:27,055 "How do you think Tár chose her stick? 365 00:15:27,057 --> 00:15:28,891 Please explain in essay form." 366 00:15:28,893 --> 00:15:30,225 Well, at least this is the only movie 367 00:15:30,227 --> 00:15:32,060 we have to watch about a conductor. 368 00:15:32,062 --> 00:15:34,246 And after lunch, you'll be watching Maestro. 369 00:15:34,248 --> 00:15:35,339 You monster! 370 00:15:37,401 --> 00:15:39,385 I can't take much more of this, Brian. 371 00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:40,928 We have to break out of here. 372 00:15:43,424 --> 00:15:45,424 And I think I have an idea. 373 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,667 I don't know, an escape attempt could be dangerous. 374 00:15:47,745 --> 00:15:50,078 Maybe we just wait for Peter and Lois to come get us out. 375 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,263 That'll be quite a wait. 376 00:15:51,339 --> 00:15:53,691 Right now, they're at virtual Dave & Busters. 377 00:15:53,767 --> 00:15:56,418 Peter, let's order another plate 378 00:15:56,420 --> 00:15:58,921 of warm mozzarella sticks on brown lettuce. 379 00:15:58,923 --> 00:16:01,089 Sounds good, Lois. You do that while I go stare 380 00:16:01,091 --> 00:16:03,425 at women's butt cracks on the motorcycle games. 381 00:16:03,427 --> 00:16:06,019 Hi. I like how your drink is very blue. 382 00:16:06,096 --> 00:16:09,456 Hey, is it true that Dave shot Buster then shot himself? 383 00:16:14,104 --> 00:16:15,695 All right, Brian, here's the plan. 384 00:16:15,773 --> 00:16:17,214 Each of these panels is coated 385 00:16:17,291 --> 00:16:19,291 with a highly-polarized carbon glass, 386 00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:22,794 but if we can reverse the glass, it'd form a concave mirror. 387 00:16:22,871 --> 00:16:25,038 And indeed, these components are modular. 388 00:16:25,115 --> 00:16:26,875 So, if we target the fence with those mirrors 389 00:16:26,951 --> 00:16:28,300 reflecting the sun's rays... 390 00:16:28,376 --> 00:16:31,211 we'll need a total of 1,400 centigrade, give or take... 391 00:16:31,288 --> 00:16:34,547 - it should compromise the structural integrity... - Come on. 392 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,401 My plan had science in it, 393 00:16:37,478 --> 00:16:39,945 but fine, let's do it the dirty dog way. 394 00:16:41,407 --> 00:16:42,798 Escape in progress. 395 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,241 Escape in progress. 396 00:16:44,318 --> 00:16:48,153 Es... cape... uh... 397 00:16:49,823 --> 00:16:51,397 Escape in progress. 398 00:16:53,143 --> 00:16:54,084 Aah! 399 00:16:54,161 --> 00:16:55,827 - Where do we go? - Over here! 400 00:16:55,904 --> 00:16:57,996 Through the village of Chinese stereotypes. 401 00:16:58,073 --> 00:17:00,048 There's still some we haven't done? 402 00:17:04,171 --> 00:17:05,596 That way... through the obligatory 403 00:17:05,672 --> 00:17:07,322 Chinese New Year parade. 404 00:17:07,324 --> 00:17:09,916 No, over there, where that old man with a wispy beard 405 00:17:09,994 --> 00:17:11,843 - sells mythical creatures. - No time! 406 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,354 Let's just hide behind those terracotta soldiers. 407 00:17:19,278 --> 00:17:20,778 Whoops. 408 00:17:23,690 --> 00:17:25,023 - Hey! - The hell, man? 409 00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:27,509 Should we settle up? I'll settle up. 410 00:17:27,511 --> 00:17:30,679 - Oh, boy. - Yeah, whenever you accidentally domino stuff over, 411 00:17:30,697 --> 00:17:33,515 there's always a biker gang that's mad about it. 412 00:17:37,779 --> 00:17:39,338 Quick. Down this alley! 413 00:17:57,207 --> 00:17:58,482 - Aah! - Aah! 414 00:18:00,044 --> 00:18:01,944 Oh, no! 415 00:18:03,230 --> 00:18:04,947 There's no way out. We're trapped! 416 00:18:06,992 --> 00:18:09,051 You've only made things worse. 417 00:18:09,053 --> 00:18:10,235 You should know by now 418 00:18:10,312 --> 00:18:13,479 there's only one way out of a Chinese prison. 419 00:18:13,557 --> 00:18:14,981 Death? 420 00:18:15,059 --> 00:18:17,650 No. Rat out someone else. 421 00:18:20,506 --> 00:18:24,007 There he is... famous pro-Tibet activist, Richard Gere! 422 00:18:24,084 --> 00:18:26,735 What? I-I mean, 423 00:18:26,737 --> 00:18:29,662 thank you, I'm flattered, but... what? 424 00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:31,331 Sorry, Chris. When you download TikTok, 425 00:18:31,408 --> 00:18:32,928 one of the terms and conditions is that 426 00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:35,627 the Chinese government can just arrest you whenever. 427 00:18:38,691 --> 00:18:40,173 Does TikTok app 428 00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:42,675 really let China police kidnap you or... 429 00:18:42,753 --> 00:18:46,446 Probably not, but maybe, LOL? 430 00:18:49,109 --> 00:18:51,927 We have had quite the Chinese adventure, Stewie. 431 00:18:51,929 --> 00:18:56,114 And I think I might just have my next screenplay idea. 432 00:18:56,191 --> 00:18:58,100 He's not gonna write. 433 00:18:58,102 --> 00:19:00,785 Well, my friend, we both have crummy in-laws. 434 00:19:00,862 --> 00:19:02,528 My parents throw you in the dryer. 435 00:19:02,606 --> 00:19:03,863 Yours put us in a labor camp. 436 00:19:03,941 --> 00:19:05,382 But if there's one thing I do know: 437 00:19:05,459 --> 00:19:07,792 no matter where we're from or where we are 438 00:19:07,869 --> 00:19:10,295 or who does or doesn't give us their blessing, 439 00:19:10,447 --> 00:19:11,963 my home is where you are 440 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,766 and your home is where I am. 441 00:19:16,711 --> 00:19:19,955 And now I also know where your blanket hog thing comes from. 442 00:19:19,957 --> 00:19:23,049 I... No, Rupert, I didn't know that "blanket hog" 443 00:19:23,127 --> 00:19:25,402 is a Taiwanese slur for the mainland Chinese. 444 00:19:25,479 --> 00:19:26,479 How would I know that? 445 00:19:27,464 --> 00:19:29,740 But I didn't know that it's racist, so how could I... 446 00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:33,059 I already apologized, by implication. 447 00:19:34,304 --> 00:19:37,155 Fine. I'm sorry you were needlessly offended 448 00:19:37,232 --> 00:19:39,991 by my innocent use of an obscure regional racism. 449 00:19:40,068 --> 00:19:42,994 So, that's why I cheated on Rupert with my octopus. 450 00:19:43,071 --> 00:19:45,589 Yeah, that-that seems fine. 451 00:19:45,666 --> 00:19:46,906 I-I don't really care. 452 00:19:46,984 --> 00:19:48,478 Hey-hey, do you have another credit card? 453 00:19:48,502 --> 00:19:50,743 'Cause the one I have on file isn't working. 454 00:19:50,821 --> 00:19:52,095 Make sure 455 00:19:52,172 --> 00:19:53,572 your method of payment is current. 456 00:19:59,329 --> 00:20:02,272 So, Peter, Lois, did you miss us while we were gone? 457 00:20:02,349 --> 00:20:03,607 Oh, we didn't even notice. 458 00:20:03,684 --> 00:20:05,091 We were busy watching Yellowstone, 459 00:20:05,169 --> 00:20:06,944 which is set in present-day Montana 460 00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:09,354 with periodic flashbacks to the 1990s. 461 00:20:09,431 --> 00:20:11,764 We finally looked it up on Wikipedia. 462 00:20:11,842 --> 00:20:13,508 Thanks for going to China with me, Brian. 463 00:20:13,527 --> 00:20:16,119 You bet. I just feel bad we had to hand over Chris 464 00:20:16,196 --> 00:20:17,937 - to get out of there. - Oh, I'm sure by now 465 00:20:18,015 --> 00:20:20,290 they've figured out he's not really Richard Gere. 466 00:20:20,367 --> 00:20:23,685 So, in Pretty Woman, when I snap that necklace box 467 00:20:23,687 --> 00:20:25,611 on Julia's fingers and she laughs? 468 00:20:25,689 --> 00:20:27,022 That was total improv. 469 00:20:27,024 --> 00:20:29,524 Julia didn't know I was gonna do that. 470 00:20:29,526 --> 00:20:32,861 Wow. So what's Julia Roberts like in real life? 471 00:20:32,863 --> 00:20:34,805 Is she just supercool and down-to-earth? 472 00:20:34,881 --> 00:20:37,215 No, she is not. 473 00:20:37,292 --> 00:20:38,809 Mr. Gere, what's your middle name? 474 00:20:38,885 --> 00:20:40,460 Meh, you know... 475 00:20:40,462 --> 00:20:42,962 I don't think that middle names are all that important. 476 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,272 I understand it's Tiffany? 477 00:20:45,375 --> 00:20:46,632 It is Tiffany. 478 00:20:48,803 --> 00:20:50,862 That's called range.