1 00:00:42,101 --> 00:00:44,192 Well, it took 100 pounds of rice, 2 00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:46,953 but you're almost done, Jessica Chast-grain. 3 00:00:47,030 --> 00:00:49,531 What's that? You want me to run away with you? 4 00:00:49,608 --> 00:00:53,034 But what about your husband, Gian Luca Pasi de Preposulo? 5 00:00:53,112 --> 00:00:55,462 Yeah, Italian names are stupid. 6 00:00:57,283 --> 00:01:00,041 Ah, damn it! I'm gonna kill you, Brian! 7 00:01:00,119 --> 00:01:01,709 Nice. 8 00:01:02,955 --> 00:01:03,787 What the hell's going on over here? 9 00:01:03,789 --> 00:01:05,069 You've been barking all morning! 10 00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:07,549 Yeah, you're welcome. I'm protecting the neighborhood. 11 00:01:07,626 --> 00:01:09,234 I heard from a dog, who heard from a dog, 12 00:01:09,311 --> 00:01:10,961 who heard from another dog 13 00:01:10,963 --> 00:01:12,963 that he saw a pack of coyotes on Spooner Street. 14 00:01:12,965 --> 00:01:14,965 There are no coyotes on Spooner Street. 15 00:01:14,967 --> 00:01:17,150 And your barking is driving me crazy, so just stop. 16 00:01:17,227 --> 00:01:19,745 I can't! And trust me, my bark is the only thing 17 00:01:19,822 --> 00:01:21,229 keeping these predators at bay. 18 00:01:21,307 --> 00:01:23,042 Because if there's one thing that I will not allow 19 00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:24,658 in this neighborhood, it's predators. 20 00:01:24,734 --> 00:01:26,810 Oh, hey, Mr. Herbert. How you doing today? 21 00:01:26,812 --> 00:01:28,253 Oh, you know me. 22 00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:31,090 Easy peasy, youngsy boys-y. 23 00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:33,592 Sweet, sweet old fella right there. 24 00:01:36,004 --> 00:01:38,322 Hey, can I talk to you guys about Chris? 25 00:01:38,324 --> 00:01:40,248 I'm really worried about him. 26 00:01:40,326 --> 00:01:43,009 - What's wrong? - Well, he needs to lose weight. 27 00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:44,770 And his blood pressure's way too high. 28 00:01:44,847 --> 00:01:47,589 I'm afraid he could end up with serious medical issues. 29 00:01:47,666 --> 00:01:49,833 I mean, maybe even a wheelchair someday. 30 00:01:49,835 --> 00:01:52,502 Hmm. If that were the case, I wonder if there's people 31 00:01:52,504 --> 00:01:55,763 on Craigslist you can hire to make that burden go away. 32 00:01:55,841 --> 00:01:58,692 I'm just not sure what's the best way to get him healthier. 33 00:01:58,768 --> 00:02:00,177 Maybe a guy named Tony Q? 34 00:02:00,179 --> 00:02:02,012 I guess the first thing I should do is get him 35 00:02:02,014 --> 00:02:03,680 to lose some weight. 36 00:02:03,682 --> 00:02:06,274 Maybe this guy Tony Q's even cheaper than you'd expect. 37 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:12,189 Or maybe there's a sport Chris could get involved in? 38 00:02:12,191 --> 00:02:13,857 You know what? That's a great idea! 39 00:02:13,859 --> 00:02:16,360 After all, sports are in his DNA. 40 00:02:16,362 --> 00:02:18,953 Peter's great-grandfather invented one. 41 00:02:19,031 --> 00:02:21,122 I call it basketball, boys. 42 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,883 Now prepare to be dazzled 43 00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:24,977 by the most thrilling move in my game. 44 00:02:25,053 --> 00:02:26,870 Chest pass! 45 00:02:26,872 --> 00:02:28,705 Hey, that looks like fun. Can I try? 46 00:02:28,707 --> 00:02:32,025 No, no, no, no, no. Just us for a while. 47 00:02:36,882 --> 00:02:39,749 Good afternoon, sir. I'm looking for a Brian Griffin. 48 00:02:39,751 --> 00:02:41,385 Joe, you've known me for years. 49 00:02:41,387 --> 00:02:43,495 Come on, I got to flop around for, like, an hour 50 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,889 to get my uniform on, so let me do the cop thing. 51 00:02:45,891 --> 00:02:48,742 I received an anonymous complaint about your barking. 52 00:02:48,818 --> 00:02:51,486 It was me, Brian. I was the anonymous complaint. 53 00:02:51,563 --> 00:02:53,154 This here's a court order that says 54 00:02:53,232 --> 00:02:54,489 you have to wear a bark collar 55 00:02:54,566 --> 00:02:56,175 until the complainant is satisfied 56 00:02:56,251 --> 00:02:58,510 you can obey the local noise ordinance. 57 00:02:58,662 --> 00:03:01,571 Joe, this is a flyer for your one-man show. 58 00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:05,017 The Laughs Have Left the Station. 59 00:03:05,093 --> 00:03:06,685 Wow, and only five bucks a tick? 60 00:03:06,762 --> 00:03:09,913 I should investigate this next 'cause that is a steal. 61 00:03:09,915 --> 00:03:12,524 Anyway, the collar's programmed to give you a severe shock 62 00:03:12,601 --> 00:03:15,319 if you raise your voice above a certain decibel. 63 00:03:17,681 --> 00:03:19,241 You're wasting your time. 64 00:03:19,274 --> 00:03:22,592 That's a military-grade collar, little trickle-down from Gitmo. 65 00:03:22,594 --> 00:03:24,203 And don't bother trying to cut it off. 66 00:03:24,279 --> 00:03:26,430 You won't be able to. It's Kevlar. 67 00:03:26,432 --> 00:03:30,100 Same stuff Republicans want our kids to wear to school. 68 00:03:30,102 --> 00:03:31,710 Joe-comotive. 69 00:03:31,787 --> 00:03:33,620 All that and more, Friday afternoon 70 00:03:33,622 --> 00:03:35,172 at the VFW parking lot. 71 00:03:38,610 --> 00:03:40,961 Chris, your mother asked me to get you involved in a sport 72 00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:42,557 to help bring your blood pressure down. 73 00:03:42,631 --> 00:03:44,056 Now, you have 74 00:03:44,132 --> 00:03:46,725 what we're no longer allowed to call "imbecile strength," 75 00:03:46,802 --> 00:03:49,970 so the first sport we're going to try is the shot put. 76 00:03:50,046 --> 00:03:51,288 Just take this cannonball thingy, 77 00:03:51,290 --> 00:03:52,956 spin around like a maniac a few times, 78 00:03:52,958 --> 00:03:54,733 and heave it as far as you can. 79 00:03:54,810 --> 00:03:56,360 Seems easy enough. 80 00:03:59,556 --> 00:04:01,240 Oh, no! Your car! 81 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,225 Ha! Who's the pathetic loser 82 00:04:04,303 --> 00:04:08,288 for not having a windshield now, teens-outside-7-Eleven? 83 00:04:10,642 --> 00:04:13,493 The student you're matched up against today is Chris Griffin. 84 00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:16,146 He's not much of an athlete, so go easy on him. 85 00:04:16,148 --> 00:04:17,647 I wonder where he is anyway. 86 00:04:17,666 --> 00:04:21,651 By God, it's the Griffinator from the top rope! 87 00:04:21,653 --> 00:04:23,077 Yah! 88 00:04:23,155 --> 00:04:25,338 As a husky kid on the spectrum, 89 00:04:25,415 --> 00:04:27,432 this is the only kind of wrestling I'm into. 90 00:04:27,509 --> 00:04:30,010 You don't have to explain yourself to me, Chris. 91 00:04:30,086 --> 00:04:32,604 As an adult whose bath mat is newspapers, 92 00:04:32,681 --> 00:04:34,731 I'm pretty into it, too. 93 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,445 Thanks for trying to help, Principal Shepherd, 94 00:04:40,522 --> 00:04:42,355 but I'm just not good at anything. 95 00:04:42,432 --> 00:04:44,616 And all that stuff about carbo-loading is B.S., 96 00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:46,267 by the way. 97 00:04:46,345 --> 00:04:48,862 I ate a whole pan of the milky mac and cheese at lunch, 98 00:04:48,938 --> 00:04:50,438 and it didn't help one bit. 99 00:04:50,516 --> 00:04:52,440 Uh-oh. 100 00:04:52,518 --> 00:04:54,684 Oh, I think the carbs just loaded. 101 00:04:54,686 --> 00:04:56,353 Where's the bathroom? 102 00:04:56,355 --> 00:04:59,781 Uh, the closest one is all the way across the field. 103 00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:03,026 It's okay. This isn't my first poop-trot rodeo. 104 00:05:03,028 --> 00:05:04,786 I can clench and hustle. 105 00:05:10,293 --> 00:05:12,886 Chris is using his hips to generate speed 106 00:05:12,962 --> 00:05:14,980 without dilating his anus. 107 00:05:15,057 --> 00:05:17,566 It's the perfect racewalking form. 108 00:05:18,894 --> 00:05:21,653 Oh, no, the door's locked. 109 00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:24,639 And wow, just wow. 110 00:05:24,716 --> 00:05:28,568 A natural speedwalker with form unlike any I've ever seen. 111 00:05:28,645 --> 00:05:30,236 What the hell happened to us, Don? 112 00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:33,314 Eight years ago we were calling Major League Baseball, 113 00:05:33,392 --> 00:05:36,501 and now we're hoping a teenager will speedwalk by. 114 00:05:36,578 --> 00:05:38,986 And I'll say the quiet part out loud: 115 00:05:39,064 --> 00:05:41,231 no one wants to hire a white guy. 116 00:05:41,233 --> 00:05:43,066 It's been a pleasure, Don. 117 00:05:43,068 --> 00:05:45,761 You've been a life raft and an anchor, other Don. 118 00:05:53,002 --> 00:05:54,669 So, are we all excited 119 00:05:54,746 --> 00:05:57,097 for Chris's first racewalking competition? 120 00:05:57,173 --> 00:06:00,341 No, this is gonna be so boring. 121 00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:03,195 Why couldn't Chris play a sport that's actually interesting? 122 00:06:03,271 --> 00:06:06,423 Oh, Meg, racewalking's plenty interesting 123 00:06:06,425 --> 00:06:09,092 if you know the first thing about it. 124 00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:11,853 There's rules about heel and toe placement 125 00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:13,705 as well as leg straightness, 126 00:06:13,782 --> 00:06:17,100 so keep an eye out for the judge's yellow and red paddles. 127 00:06:17,102 --> 00:06:20,212 Those indicate a warning or disqualification. 128 00:06:20,288 --> 00:06:23,123 Lois, we can see you sneak-reading Wikipedia. 129 00:06:23,199 --> 00:06:25,959 All right, since none of you Gen Z snowflakes 130 00:06:26,035 --> 00:06:28,111 can be trusted around a starting pistol, 131 00:06:28,113 --> 00:06:30,130 listen for the starting kazoo. 132 00:06:30,206 --> 00:06:33,299 On your marks, get set, kazoo! 133 00:06:33,452 --> 00:06:36,561 I, um, lost the actual kazoo. 134 00:06:39,141 --> 00:06:40,315 You got this. 135 00:06:42,961 --> 00:06:44,644 So it's really just walking, huh? 136 00:06:44,721 --> 00:06:47,221 God, by the time he's done, I could foster another kid 137 00:06:47,299 --> 00:06:49,390 and raise 'em to play a better sport. 138 00:06:49,468 --> 00:06:51,993 You know what? That's what I'm gonna do. 139 00:06:55,824 --> 00:06:58,491 This is Rebecca, my new ward. 140 00:06:58,568 --> 00:07:00,972 I found her under the overpass and said she could stay with us 141 00:07:00,996 --> 00:07:02,495 till she gets back on her feet. 142 00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:03,480 Is the race over yet? 143 00:07:03,482 --> 00:07:04,664 Not even close. 144 00:07:04,741 --> 00:07:06,833 Okay, I'm gonna go get this one a tetanus shot. 145 00:07:06,910 --> 00:07:09,219 I imagine she's quite overdue. 146 00:07:13,825 --> 00:07:15,249 Rebecca's my girlfriend now, Lois. 147 00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,177 She's always felt like more than a foster, 148 00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:19,496 and we've decided to explore those feelings. 149 00:07:19,498 --> 00:07:22,256 We bought a condo in Tucson, so I'll be moving out. 150 00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,425 Look, here comes Chris! 151 00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:30,282 Winner! 152 00:07:30,358 --> 00:07:31,675 Whoo, yeah! 153 00:07:31,677 --> 00:07:32,842 - Great job, honey! - Yay! 154 00:07:32,844 --> 00:07:34,119 Go, Chris! 155 00:07:34,196 --> 00:07:35,345 Welp, she left me, Lois. 156 00:07:35,347 --> 00:07:36,621 I gave her an ultimatum: 157 00:07:36,698 --> 00:07:38,198 it was me or her tattoo artist, 158 00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:40,274 but our throuple wasn't healthy for anybody. 159 00:07:40,352 --> 00:07:41,793 She chose him rather quickly. 160 00:07:41,870 --> 00:07:44,871 We sold the condo at a loss, and she still has my credit cards. 161 00:07:44,948 --> 00:07:48,316 All that's to say I'm ready to rebuild what you and I once had. 162 00:07:48,393 --> 00:07:51,452 You have to call the companies and cancel those cards. 163 00:07:51,530 --> 00:07:52,679 I know. 164 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,792 Hey, there he is. 165 00:07:57,869 --> 00:07:59,719 Woof-ie Goldberg, eh? 166 00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:01,221 Arf Vader. 167 00:08:01,297 --> 00:08:03,148 Bark Ruffalo. 168 00:08:03,266 --> 00:08:05,484 Yip... Ah, yeah, I should've stopped on that last one. 169 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,060 So, how you doing with that thing? 170 00:08:07,136 --> 00:08:08,545 I'm doing just fine, Stewie. 171 00:08:08,547 --> 00:08:10,638 I am in total control of my barking. 172 00:08:10,716 --> 00:08:12,398 Well, that's good, because the fat man 173 00:08:12,475 --> 00:08:13,992 finally fixed that broken doorbell, 174 00:08:14,069 --> 00:08:15,629 and you know that always gets your goat. 175 00:08:15,679 --> 00:08:17,554 Is it working? 176 00:08:17,556 --> 00:08:18,722 Did I do good? 177 00:08:20,242 --> 00:08:22,392 Ow, damn it! 178 00:08:22,394 --> 00:08:23,409 Ow! 179 00:08:25,731 --> 00:08:27,339 Oh, God, that was awful. 180 00:08:27,415 --> 00:08:29,341 Oh, locked myself out. Anybody in there? 181 00:08:31,903 --> 00:08:33,678 Oh, wait, I got a key. 182 00:08:33,755 --> 00:08:34,904 Someone I know is home! 183 00:08:34,906 --> 00:08:36,089 Ow! 184 00:08:36,165 --> 00:08:37,349 Someone I know is home! 185 00:08:37,425 --> 00:08:39,267 Ow! 186 00:08:43,081 --> 00:08:46,416 Hey, honey, I was just telling Bonnie and Donna 187 00:08:46,418 --> 00:08:50,086 what a star you've become on your new team, huh? 188 00:08:50,088 --> 00:08:52,255 Hey, I got an idea. 189 00:08:52,257 --> 00:08:54,424 Do you want to take a stroll with us? 190 00:08:54,426 --> 00:08:57,536 First off, don't call it a stroll, it's insulting, 191 00:08:57,612 --> 00:08:59,445 if we do any photos, 192 00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:02,040 you got to tape over that Skechers logo. 193 00:09:02,117 --> 00:09:03,933 I'm a Rockport athlete. 194 00:09:03,935 --> 00:09:05,785 When your joints are such a disaster, 195 00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:08,121 even dress shoes need air pocket technology, 196 00:09:08,197 --> 00:09:10,131 it's Rockport. 197 00:09:11,459 --> 00:09:14,052 This next hill is really gonna test our mettle, 198 00:09:14,129 --> 00:09:17,389 so why don't you ladies draft off me until we get to the top? 199 00:09:17,465 --> 00:09:21,375 Now, who remembers what to do when we get to the intersection? 200 00:09:21,453 --> 00:09:22,894 Walk in place like a lunatic 201 00:09:22,971 --> 00:09:25,379 who's clearly using this mild exercise 202 00:09:25,457 --> 00:09:27,457 to keep their own demons at bay? 203 00:09:27,459 --> 00:09:30,718 Why, Bonnie Swanson, if I didn't know any better, 204 00:09:30,796 --> 00:09:34,647 I'd swear I was racewalking gold medalists Maurizio Damilano 205 00:09:34,724 --> 00:09:36,074 or Ivano Brugnetti. 206 00:09:37,393 --> 00:09:40,287 Italian names are so stupid. 207 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,083 So, Brian, what can I do for you? 208 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,419 Come here to beg to have that collar removed? 209 00:09:47,495 --> 00:09:48,420 Oh, this thing? 210 00:09:48,496 --> 00:09:50,071 It's actually been such a nonissue, 211 00:09:50,148 --> 00:09:51,188 I forgot I was wearing it, 212 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:52,816 but since you brought it up, 213 00:09:52,818 --> 00:09:55,093 I feel like my barking is really under control now, 214 00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:56,761 so we can have Joe take it off... 215 00:09:59,157 --> 00:10:00,673 Do you hear that? 216 00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,158 That's peace and quiet. 217 00:10:05,254 --> 00:10:06,362 Wh-What-what was that? 218 00:10:06,364 --> 00:10:08,255 D-Did you just smell the silence? 219 00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:10,942 Why, yes, I did, Brian. Yes, I did. 220 00:10:11,019 --> 00:10:12,352 Okay, fine, you were right. 221 00:10:12,428 --> 00:10:14,779 I was being a loud, annoying jerk, and I'm sorry. 222 00:10:14,856 --> 00:10:16,506 Please have Joe take this off. 223 00:10:16,508 --> 00:10:18,599 Why do you think I like cats so much, Brian? 224 00:10:18,677 --> 00:10:21,845 - 1980s Fancy Feast ads? - 1980s Fancy Feast ads, 225 00:10:21,847 --> 00:10:25,123 but what I really love about cats is how quiet they are. 226 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,292 They don't bark, they purr. 227 00:10:27,369 --> 00:10:28,943 Okay, so what's your point? 228 00:10:29,020 --> 00:10:30,703 I want to hear you purr. 229 00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:33,189 I-I can't. I won't. 230 00:10:33,191 --> 00:10:34,685 Say, how do you think a squirrel feeder 231 00:10:34,709 --> 00:10:36,134 would look in my front yard? 232 00:10:36,211 --> 00:10:38,619 R-Right there, right there, in full view of your house. 233 00:10:38,697 --> 00:10:40,864 Okay, fine. 234 00:10:40,866 --> 00:10:42,031 Purr. 235 00:10:42,033 --> 00:10:43,808 Oh, you can do better than that. 236 00:10:43,885 --> 00:10:45,551 Ugh, all right. 237 00:10:47,463 --> 00:10:49,055 There. Now will you call Joe? 238 00:10:49,132 --> 00:10:50,723 What do you think, Miss Kitty-Witty? 239 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,041 Was that a good purr? 240 00:10:53,211 --> 00:10:55,302 - Ow! - Sorry, Brian, she says no. 241 00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:56,988 And when a woman says no in this house, 242 00:10:57,065 --> 00:11:00,307 it means no, as of March 5, 2018. 243 00:11:14,733 --> 00:11:16,232 What the hell? 244 00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:17,567 Ha, ha. 245 00:11:17,569 --> 00:11:19,752 Ha, ha. 246 00:11:24,743 --> 00:11:27,018 Wow, what are you ladies doing here? 247 00:11:27,095 --> 00:11:29,245 We-we didn't have a walk planned today. 248 00:11:29,247 --> 00:11:30,747 Oh, we're here for Chris. 249 00:11:30,749 --> 00:11:32,140 What? 250 00:11:32,175 --> 00:11:34,526 Chris, when'd you make plans with Bonnie and Donna? 251 00:11:34,602 --> 00:11:36,102 It was on the group text. 252 00:11:36,179 --> 00:11:39,272 - Well, I-I didn't see a group text. - Oh. 253 00:11:39,348 --> 00:11:41,758 Well, give me a sec, I'll grab my shoes. 254 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,869 Actually, Lois, today we're going to Three-Wide Park. 255 00:11:44,946 --> 00:11:46,165 You know, that park where the trails 256 00:11:46,189 --> 00:11:47,539 are only three people wide? 257 00:11:47,615 --> 00:11:50,542 But you said your fibromyalgia is acting up, anyway. 258 00:11:50,618 --> 00:11:55,455 Yeah, but I don't actually have fibromyalgia. Nobody does. 259 00:11:55,531 --> 00:11:58,291 You just say that to get out of stuff you don't want to do. 260 00:11:58,367 --> 00:12:00,719 Wh... Couldn't we just walk, you know, two and two? 261 00:12:00,837 --> 00:12:04,705 Officer Threewide didn't die in a tragic freeway accident 262 00:12:04,783 --> 00:12:07,392 so we could dishonor his memory. 263 00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:08,876 Did you see that, Peter? 264 00:12:08,954 --> 00:12:11,454 Chris just went out for the afternoon with my friends, 265 00:12:11,456 --> 00:12:13,732 and not one of them thought to include me. 266 00:12:13,808 --> 00:12:15,382 Ugh, so brutal. 267 00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:18,886 Hey, what do you say we go upstairs and I cheer you up? 268 00:12:18,964 --> 00:12:22,723 Oh, honey, I would, but my fibromyalgia's on fire today. 269 00:12:22,801 --> 00:12:24,133 Oh, dear, never mind. 270 00:12:24,135 --> 00:12:26,202 There's commercials for that, so I know it's real. 271 00:12:32,568 --> 00:12:34,401 Sorry I'm late. Me, Bon, and Don... 272 00:12:34,479 --> 00:12:36,921 that's Bonnie and Donna... were in the zone 273 00:12:36,998 --> 00:12:38,164 on this morning's walk. 274 00:12:38,316 --> 00:12:39,907 Oh, is that right? 275 00:12:39,985 --> 00:12:41,651 - Oh. - What "oh"? 276 00:12:41,653 --> 00:12:44,670 Oh, nothing, it's just me, 'Nie, and 'Na... 277 00:12:44,747 --> 00:12:48,491 that's also Bonnie and Donna... we're doing a vegan challenge. 278 00:12:49,828 --> 00:12:51,252 "Excuse me, sir? 279 00:12:51,329 --> 00:12:53,754 Would you like some breakfast with your cholesterol?" 280 00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:55,440 Chris, what the hell is this? 281 00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:58,109 Uh, sorry. Wrong-wrong chat. 282 00:12:58,186 --> 00:13:00,186 You know, I got to say, I'm not crazy 283 00:13:00,188 --> 00:13:03,022 about all this time you're spending with Bonnie and Donna. 284 00:13:03,099 --> 00:13:05,450 What? Why? I like them. 285 00:13:05,527 --> 00:13:08,027 Because they're my middle-aged, female friends, 286 00:13:08,029 --> 00:13:10,013 and lately, it's like they enjoy hanging out 287 00:13:10,015 --> 00:13:12,015 with my teenage son more than me. 288 00:13:12,017 --> 00:13:13,291 It's inappropriate. 289 00:13:13,442 --> 00:13:15,018 We only started getting along 290 00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:17,036 'cause they like how I'm good at walking, 291 00:13:17,113 --> 00:13:19,130 which you told me to get into. 292 00:13:19,282 --> 00:13:22,467 I know, I know, and I'm happy you're healthier, 293 00:13:22,544 --> 00:13:25,211 but now you, Bonnie and Donna are doing things without me, 294 00:13:25,288 --> 00:13:27,305 and texting about the food I make. 295 00:13:27,382 --> 00:13:29,365 What? 296 00:13:29,367 --> 00:13:31,458 We don't do that. 297 00:13:31,536 --> 00:13:34,554 Hey, how do you spell "uncoagulated"? 298 00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:38,391 Like, like, if something wasn't cooked nearly enough? 299 00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:46,449 Where the hell is Brian Griffin? 300 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,220 Sorry, Quagmire, I didn't catch that. 301 00:13:51,222 --> 00:13:52,330 Could you speak up? 302 00:13:52,407 --> 00:13:54,891 No, I can't, because if I raise my voice, 303 00:13:54,893 --> 00:13:56,726 I get freaking electrocuted. 304 00:13:56,728 --> 00:13:58,061 I have never been so furious. 305 00:13:58,063 --> 00:13:59,820 Take this off right now. 306 00:13:59,822 --> 00:14:01,914 No way. This is payback, you dick. 307 00:14:01,991 --> 00:14:03,749 I swear to God, I will choke you out 308 00:14:03,826 --> 00:14:05,176 with your own tail. 309 00:14:05,253 --> 00:14:08,263 Yeah, I'd like to see you try, you sad, lonely douche. 310 00:14:11,242 --> 00:14:12,575 Where'd you get one of these things, anyway? 311 00:14:12,577 --> 00:14:14,243 Eh, Joe leaves his cruiser unlocked. 312 00:14:14,245 --> 00:14:15,336 It was on the front seat. 313 00:14:15,413 --> 00:14:16,855 Hey, that's not cool, Brian. 314 00:14:16,931 --> 00:14:18,371 Those collars aren't easy to replace. 315 00:14:18,416 --> 00:14:20,266 Unlike Congressional seats, 316 00:14:20,343 --> 00:14:21,918 you can't just go out and buy one. 317 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,421 Joe-comotive, next stop: good times. 318 00:14:25,423 --> 00:14:27,699 Now available for all private events. 319 00:14:33,781 --> 00:14:35,856 A café gaggle without me? 320 00:14:35,934 --> 00:14:37,169 Well, you know what I might do... 321 00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:38,579 and I think I'm getting this right... 322 00:14:38,603 --> 00:14:41,771 I might just take the morning-way-after pill, 323 00:14:41,773 --> 00:14:43,965 and then, poof, he's gone. 324 00:14:45,793 --> 00:14:47,276 Oh, hey, fam. 325 00:14:47,278 --> 00:14:49,112 Oh, God, there's my mom. 326 00:14:49,114 --> 00:14:50,613 Wait, but if she's here, 327 00:14:50,615 --> 00:14:53,482 then who's at home doing the nothing all day? 328 00:14:55,286 --> 00:14:57,120 Chris, you're terrible. 329 00:14:57,122 --> 00:14:58,621 So, what are we dishing about? 330 00:14:58,623 --> 00:14:59,956 Janet's husband... 331 00:14:59,958 --> 00:15:01,624 - I love him. - ... hit her. 332 00:15:01,626 --> 00:15:04,218 You're kind of painted into a corner now, Mom. 333 00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:05,904 I-Is this chair being used? 334 00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:08,481 Yes. For Donna's purse. 335 00:15:08,557 --> 00:15:10,557 Oh, Kate Spade. 336 00:15:10,635 --> 00:15:12,802 You know she killed herself, right? 337 00:15:12,804 --> 00:15:15,304 Well, geez, Mom. 338 00:15:15,323 --> 00:15:17,064 What exactly do you think passes 339 00:15:17,142 --> 00:15:19,158 as acceptable brunch conversation? 340 00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:22,069 It's lady talk, Chris, you don't get it. 341 00:15:22,147 --> 00:15:24,738 Oh, speaking of, I know we said no more presents 342 00:15:24,816 --> 00:15:27,984 after we all got taken in that gifting table Ponzi scheme, 343 00:15:27,986 --> 00:15:30,077 but I could not help myself. 344 00:15:30,155 --> 00:15:32,989 I got tickets to Magic Mike Live. 345 00:15:32,991 --> 00:15:34,657 Oh, sorry, Chris, 346 00:15:34,659 --> 00:15:37,510 you... I didn't get one for you because I just assumed, 347 00:15:37,586 --> 00:15:39,771 you know, it wasn't exactly up your alley. 348 00:15:39,847 --> 00:15:41,439 Well, you assumed right. 349 00:15:41,516 --> 00:15:43,424 The Quahog production is family-friendly. 350 00:15:43,501 --> 00:15:46,427 They only do the parts where Magic Mike works odd jobs 351 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,854 to secure a business loan for furniture making. 352 00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:50,022 Oh. 353 00:15:50,099 --> 00:15:52,900 Uh, say, I was about to get a latte. 354 00:15:52,935 --> 00:15:54,860 Uh, who wants one? My treat. 355 00:15:54,937 --> 00:15:56,529 Actually, we were just leaving. 356 00:15:56,605 --> 00:15:58,623 We're going to Mount Quahog so Chris can show us 357 00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:01,626 how to walk while taking a business call on AirPods. 358 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,020 If you're not at a volume that ruins nature 359 00:16:04,022 --> 00:16:07,023 for everyone else, you're doing it wrong. 360 00:16:07,025 --> 00:16:09,192 Okay, enough. I am sick of you two 361 00:16:09,194 --> 00:16:11,452 being so enamored with my dope son. 362 00:16:11,529 --> 00:16:13,454 Ever since he joined that stupid team, 363 00:16:13,531 --> 00:16:16,032 he's prancing around like some sort of fitness guru, 364 00:16:16,034 --> 00:16:18,142 and you two eat it up with a spoon. 365 00:16:18,219 --> 00:16:20,294 Well, I'm gonna prove Chris is the same little turd 366 00:16:20,371 --> 00:16:22,647 he was a week ago by beating him in a race walk 367 00:16:22,724 --> 00:16:26,150 and setting all of this back to the way it was. 368 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,044 Hey, that's a Kate Spade bag. 369 00:16:28,046 --> 00:16:29,803 You know she killed herself, right? 370 00:16:29,881 --> 00:16:30,971 Stop it. 371 00:16:31,049 --> 00:16:32,973 See? They get it. 372 00:16:35,737 --> 00:16:38,387 I hope that extra-strength trash bag commercial 373 00:16:38,389 --> 00:16:41,907 was exaggerating what happens if you use the leading brand. 374 00:16:41,984 --> 00:16:43,817 Aw, they weren't exaggerating. 375 00:16:43,895 --> 00:16:46,062 Covered in rabbit stew. 376 00:16:46,122 --> 00:16:48,155 The curse of cooking for one 377 00:16:48,233 --> 00:16:50,374 is always the leftovers for many. 378 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:57,181 Oh, my God, coyotes. Brian was right. 379 00:16:57,258 --> 00:16:59,166 Listen to me. "Brian was right." 380 00:16:59,244 --> 00:17:00,926 I bet hell just froze over. 381 00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:02,353 It's freezing in here. 382 00:17:02,430 --> 00:17:04,522 You were just hot two seconds ago. 383 00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:05,765 Well, now I'm cold. 384 00:17:05,841 --> 00:17:07,341 Who's that? 385 00:17:07,418 --> 00:17:09,435 You knew my sister was coming. 386 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,606 Her sister's here, too. 387 00:17:18,429 --> 00:17:20,596 Help. Help. 388 00:17:20,598 --> 00:17:22,281 Help. 389 00:17:22,358 --> 00:17:23,875 Somebody's in trouble at Quagmire's. 390 00:17:26,437 --> 00:17:28,195 And somebody's having a really hard time 391 00:17:28,273 --> 00:17:30,214 with "Axel F" on the keyboard. 392 00:17:34,279 --> 00:17:35,847 It's quite a mountain to climb, 393 00:17:35,871 --> 00:17:37,704 but, oh, what a view. 394 00:17:45,790 --> 00:17:47,356 Hey. Back off. 395 00:17:50,962 --> 00:17:52,461 Brian, what are you doing? Get out of here 396 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:53,720 or they'll tear us both apart. 397 00:17:53,798 --> 00:17:55,648 Don't worry, Quagmire, I know what I'm doing. 398 00:18:16,321 --> 00:18:18,671 Brian, you saved my life. 399 00:18:18,747 --> 00:18:21,582 But why? I-I've been a total dick all week. 400 00:18:21,659 --> 00:18:24,160 Because... I'm a dog, 401 00:18:24,162 --> 00:18:27,163 and it's my duty to protect this neighborhood. 402 00:18:27,165 --> 00:18:28,497 We might hate each other, 403 00:18:28,499 --> 00:18:30,333 but as long as you live next door, 404 00:18:30,335 --> 00:18:34,019 you'll always be safe, on Spooner Street. 405 00:18:34,096 --> 00:18:36,188 They got me, Daddy! 406 00:18:36,265 --> 00:18:38,932 Take the extra Slim Jims out of your socks, Junior! 407 00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:41,768 Take the Slim Jims out of your socks! 408 00:18:44,607 --> 00:18:46,699 Okay, so we're all clear on the rules? 409 00:18:46,775 --> 00:18:48,626 - No running? - No running, yeah. 410 00:18:48,703 --> 00:18:50,611 Okay, on your marks, get set, 411 00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:53,155 kazoo! 412 00:18:53,191 --> 00:18:55,449 Hello, I'm Oscar-winning actr 413 00:18:55,526 --> 00:18:58,361 and often-impersonated Christopher Walken, 414 00:18:58,363 --> 00:19:01,213 here to announce this walking race. 415 00:19:01,332 --> 00:19:03,641 Am I really him? I'm not even sure anymore. 416 00:19:03,718 --> 00:19:07,887 Strangers come up to me doing better mes than me, 417 00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:10,631 and I say, "Hey, that's me," 418 00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:14,059 but invariably, I learn it is not me. 419 00:19:14,136 --> 00:19:15,728 I'm me, I think. 420 00:19:15,804 --> 00:19:18,990 Look at them hoofing it through the streets of Q'hog. 421 00:19:19,066 --> 00:19:22,735 That's some mighty fine walkin', and I should know. 422 00:19:22,811 --> 00:19:25,312 Pause for laughter. 423 00:19:25,390 --> 00:19:27,223 And look out up ahead, 424 00:19:27,225 --> 00:19:29,892 because there's a patch of wet cement 425 00:19:29,894 --> 00:19:31,502 that has been freshly smoothed 426 00:19:31,579 --> 00:19:34,988 by a very satisfied ethnic worker. 427 00:19:35,066 --> 00:19:37,157 "Oh, come on," says the man, 428 00:19:37,235 --> 00:19:39,844 slamming his trowel into the wet cement, 429 00:19:39,921 --> 00:19:41,512 further damaging it. 430 00:19:53,768 --> 00:19:56,752 Oh, no, he's injured his hamstring. 431 00:19:56,754 --> 00:19:58,345 Dramatic music. 432 00:20:00,775 --> 00:20:02,366 Congratulations, Mom. 433 00:20:02,443 --> 00:20:05,018 - You beat me fair and square. - Said Chris. 434 00:20:05,096 --> 00:20:08,113 No, Mr. Walken, w-we're-we're done with you. 435 00:20:08,190 --> 00:20:12,117 Christopher, you lost on purpose, didn't you? Why? 436 00:20:12,194 --> 00:20:14,453 Because I want you to win this race, Mom. 437 00:20:14,530 --> 00:20:17,122 You looked out for me by getting me involved in sports, 438 00:20:17,199 --> 00:20:19,533 now I'm looking out for you. 439 00:20:19,610 --> 00:20:22,127 You need Bonnie and Donna more than I do. 440 00:20:22,129 --> 00:20:24,597 Aw, thank you, Chris. 441 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,119 Also, adult female friends swap nudes 442 00:20:30,121 --> 00:20:32,045 way less than I was led to believe. 443 00:20:32,123 --> 00:20:33,472 Like, basically never. 444 00:20:33,549 --> 00:20:35,975 And that was not an insignificant part 445 00:20:35,977 --> 00:20:37,735 of my involvement in this charade. 446 00:20:44,268 --> 00:20:45,910 I just wanted to tell you again, Chris, 447 00:20:45,987 --> 00:20:49,413 I really appreciate what you did for me with Bonnie and Donna. 448 00:20:49,490 --> 00:20:50,806 It's all right, Mom. 449 00:20:50,825 --> 00:20:53,251 Once I realized that being in a woman friendship 450 00:20:53,327 --> 00:20:55,811 didn't involve the sending back and forth of nudes, 451 00:20:55,813 --> 00:20:57,313 I was kind of over it. 452 00:20:57,315 --> 00:20:58,998 Yeah, yeah, you mentioned that before. 453 00:20:59,074 --> 00:21:02,426 Well, that's how important it is to me.