1
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,984
It's awful. Just awful.

2
00:01:11,130 --> 00:01:12,053
I got these for free

3
00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:13,647
and I put in
prescription lenses.

4
00:01:13,723 --> 00:01:17,392
Okay, let's go crowd the gate
even though we're in group "R."

5
00:01:30,149 --> 00:01:32,424
Man, Bermuda is beautiful,
isn't it?

6
00:01:32,501 --> 00:01:34,835
You bet. And now I can
cross another place off

7
00:01:34,911 --> 00:01:36,320
my "Kokomo" bucket list.

8
00:01:36,322 --> 00:01:38,004
- What's that?
- I sort of use

9
00:01:38,081 --> 00:01:40,507
the lyrics to "Kokomo"
as my life's itinerary.

10
00:01:40,584 --> 00:01:43,677
I don't have a travel agent,
I just have "Kokomo."

11
00:01:43,753 --> 00:01:47,589
I do recall your trips
to Aruba and Montego.

12
00:01:47,666 --> 00:01:49,257
Yep, and now Bermuda.

13
00:01:49,335 --> 00:01:51,168
I did Benihana.

14
00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:52,836
- It's not "Benihana".
- Sure is.

15
00:01:52,838 --> 00:01:54,187
It's the cheapest one, honestly.

16
00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:57,023
Boy, I can't wait till
we can finally go to Kokomo.

17
00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,675
Kokomo isn't real, Joe.

18
00:01:58,677 --> 00:02:00,119
It's a common misconception.

19
00:02:00,195 --> 00:02:03,697
If you go to all the others,
you unlock Kokomo.

20
00:02:03,773 --> 00:02:05,106
Only thing about Kokomo, though,

21
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,200
is you can
check out any time you like,

22
00:02:07,277 --> 00:02:08,702
but you can never leave.

23
00:02:08,778 --> 00:02:10,537
That's something else entirely.

24
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:20,288
Welcome to
The White Lotus Bermuda.

25
00:02:20,366 --> 00:02:21,974
Named after the sports car,
not the flower.

26
00:02:22,050 --> 00:02:25,051
Wow, Brian, you look
so handsome in that suit.

27
00:02:25,128 --> 00:02:28,221
And I can't believe they already
promoted you to manager.

28
00:02:28,298 --> 00:02:29,389
Honestly, Lois, working here

29
00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:31,299
has been just the change
I needed.

30
00:02:31,377 --> 00:02:34,711
I made the choice to sober up
and start a new, clean life.

31
00:02:34,713 --> 00:02:36,546
Me and Jeffrey can't believe

32
00:02:36,548 --> 00:02:39,140
we's finally in
the "Bermuda Guy-Angle,"

33
00:02:39,218 --> 00:02:41,142
where we hear
lots of handsome men

34
00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:43,871
have mysteriously gone down
over the years.

35
00:02:43,906 --> 00:02:46,406
This is already
a good trip.

36
00:02:46,483 --> 00:02:50,335
For a grand a night,
that should really be an iPad.

37
00:02:57,327 --> 00:02:59,085
Wow, look at this room.

38
00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:01,405
And what a beautiful painting.

39
00:03:01,407 --> 00:03:03,849
Yes,
by a talented local artist.

40
00:03:03,926 --> 00:03:05,667
It depicts the legend
of a fat husband

41
00:03:05,744 --> 00:03:08,187
who ignored his wife,
so she beheaded him

42
00:03:08,263 --> 00:03:10,004
and had sex
with his best friend,

43
00:03:10,082 --> 00:03:11,748
who was a regional
airline pilot.

44
00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:13,192
Man, I just don't get art.

45
00:03:13,268 --> 00:03:14,601
Yeah, great, can
we just get to my room?

46
00:03:14,678 --> 00:03:17,178
I've been holding in
a dump since America.

47
00:03:17,256 --> 00:03:19,439
Look at us, Peter.

48
00:03:19,516 --> 00:03:22,016
Finally on
a romantic vacation together.

49
00:03:22,094 --> 00:03:23,685
You know what?

50
00:03:23,762 --> 00:03:28,356
Let's have crazy vacation sex,
right here, right now.

51
00:03:28,434 --> 00:03:29,950
I don't know, maybe later.

52
00:03:30,102 --> 00:03:31,043
I mean, you know my kryptonite

53
00:03:31,119 --> 00:03:32,860
is drapes that can
open by a button.

54
00:03:32,938 --> 00:03:36,197
Pick your poison, Lois.
Just the sheers? Full blackout?

55
00:03:36,275 --> 00:03:38,108
Or... I think I broke it.

56
00:03:38,110 --> 00:03:40,552
Forget it.
I'll be at the pool.

57
00:03:40,629 --> 00:03:41,700
Okay, I'll meet you down there.

58
00:03:41,780 --> 00:03:43,705
I need 20 minutes
for those red lines

59
00:03:43,782 --> 00:03:45,557
from my socks to smooth out.

60
00:03:50,122 --> 00:03:51,471
Brian,
I'm so glad you're here.

61
00:03:51,548 --> 00:03:54,382
I never do this, but one of
the bellhops yelled at me

62
00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:55,959
when I was playing
on the baggage cart,

63
00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:56,960
and I want him fired.

64
00:03:56,962 --> 00:03:58,386
Stewie, he has three children.

65
00:03:58,464 --> 00:04:00,797
Yeah, again, I never do this.

66
00:04:00,799 --> 00:04:02,074
Why are you dressed like that?

67
00:04:02,150 --> 00:04:04,634
When I go on vacation,
I like to spice things up

68
00:04:04,636 --> 00:04:08,080
by adopting a "travel persona"
named "Desmond Voyáge."

69
00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:10,231
And one other teensy thing:

70
00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:13,067
I actually specifically
requested an ocean-view room.

71
00:04:13,145 --> 00:04:14,253
You have an ocean-view room.

72
00:04:14,329 --> 00:04:16,088
Technically, I'm looking out

73
00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:17,814
- onto a bay.
- It's water.

74
00:04:17,816 --> 00:04:20,984
Yeah, a bay is actually
a curvature in the shoreline

75
00:04:20,986 --> 00:04:22,152
that creates an inlet.

76
00:04:22,154 --> 00:04:23,820
I don't want
to have to look at any land.

77
00:04:24,990 --> 00:04:26,156
Hey there.

78
00:04:26,158 --> 00:04:28,249
We's just gonna
scooch in next to you,

79
00:04:28,327 --> 00:04:29,843
but sorry if we get loud.

80
00:04:29,919 --> 00:04:31,511
We's just settling an argument

81
00:04:31,588 --> 00:04:34,472
about what the deal is
with Hilaria Baldwin.

82
00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:36,850
I'll tell you her deal.
She's a woman from Boston

83
00:04:36,926 --> 00:04:38,351
named Hillary Hayward-Thomas,

84
00:04:38,428 --> 00:04:40,670
who, on her first date
with Alec Baldwin,

85
00:04:40,672 --> 00:04:43,690
probably said "por favor"
to a waiter to seem exotic,

86
00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:46,026
and has been cosplaying
as a Latina ever since.

87
00:04:46,102 --> 00:04:48,845
I like you.
What's your name?

88
00:04:48,864 --> 00:04:52,106
Unless you don't wanna say
'cause it's boring and ordinary.

89
00:04:52,184 --> 00:04:54,017
Desmond Voyáge.

90
00:04:54,019 --> 00:04:55,627
Ooh.

91
00:04:55,704 --> 00:04:57,779
Desmond, would you join
me, Jeffrey and Dennis

92
00:04:57,856 --> 00:04:59,205
for dinner tonight?

93
00:04:59,282 --> 00:05:01,800
Well, that depends on the menu,
because I'm gluten-free.

94
00:05:01,877 --> 00:05:03,710
Not medically,
just for the drama.

95
00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:05,695
Ooh.

96
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:12,293
Come on, Chris, the drinking age
in Bermuda is only 18,

97
00:05:12,371 --> 00:05:13,887
so I want to buy
some rum to pound

98
00:05:13,963 --> 00:05:15,722
so I can get totally blitzed.

99
00:05:15,799 --> 00:05:17,131
It honestly makes me sad

100
00:05:17,209 --> 00:05:20,319
you feel the need to show off
to your own brother.

101
00:05:23,899 --> 00:05:27,400
My God. I must have this.

102
00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:29,886
What? Some lame,
touristy T-shirt?

103
00:05:29,888 --> 00:05:31,663
Meg, according
to high school law,

104
00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:33,665
vacation shirts equal status,

105
00:05:33,817 --> 00:05:37,652
and Neil Goldman has been
rubbing "Señor Frog's Cancún"

106
00:05:37,729 --> 00:05:40,113
in my face for far too long.

107
00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:42,215
Fine, we'll get
the rum and the T-shirt.

108
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,510
That'll be $90.

109
00:05:45,587 --> 00:05:46,678
$90?

110
00:05:46,755 --> 00:05:48,347
How much for just the shirt?

111
00:05:48,423 --> 00:05:49,163
$40.

112
00:05:49,241 --> 00:05:51,091
How much for... nothing?

113
00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:52,592
That's five dollars.

114
00:05:52,669 --> 00:05:54,077
Hotels.
What are you gonna do,

115
00:05:54,079 --> 00:05:56,462
take a cab to a pharmacy?

116
00:06:00,268 --> 00:06:02,769
My God, I can't wait
to see St. David's Lighthouse.

117
00:06:02,846 --> 00:06:04,011
I know.

118
00:06:04,089 --> 00:06:05,922
What are we gonna do
at a stupid lighthouse?

119
00:06:05,924 --> 00:06:07,774
Wake me when it's a Roadhouse.

120
00:06:09,611 --> 00:06:11,595
Peter, you're driving.

121
00:06:11,597 --> 00:06:12,597
Sorry.

122
00:06:14,433 --> 00:06:16,933
Holy crap.
Did you guys see that?

123
00:06:16,935 --> 00:06:19,211
"World's Best Cheesecake."

124
00:06:21,698 --> 00:06:23,289
In Bermuda?

125
00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:25,083
Peter, there's no way
that's true.

126
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,551
Yeah, I don't know, Lois.
Who am I gonna listen to,

127
00:06:26,628 --> 00:06:29,036
my wife or a sign
on the side of the highway?

128
00:06:29,038 --> 00:06:30,947
Damn it, Peter,
I will not let you

129
00:06:30,949 --> 00:06:32,224
ruin another trip for me.

130
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:35,118
Come on, Glenn,
let's go see that lighthouse.

131
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,286
Fine, go.

132
00:06:36,288 --> 00:06:37,562
Taxi!

133
00:06:51,895 --> 00:06:53,561
Good afternoon, sir.

134
00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:54,638
May I interest you...

135
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,156
Sorry, I'm from
the United States,

136
00:06:56,232 --> 00:06:58,232
so I'm scared to talk
to anyone from the island

137
00:06:58,310 --> 00:06:59,550
who doesn't work at the resort.

138
00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:10,820
Front Desk, this is Brian.

139
00:07:10,822 --> 00:07:13,414
Yes, I'd like to request
a wake-up call for tomorrow

140
00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:14,916
even though every human on Earth

141
00:07:14,993 --> 00:07:16,660
now has an alarm clock
in their pocket.

142
00:07:16,662 --> 00:07:18,511
Hey, Stewie.
Sorry again about the mix-up

143
00:07:18,588 --> 00:07:20,176
with your room,
but I hope you're enjoying

144
00:07:20,256 --> 00:07:22,423
the apology
fruit platter I sent up.

145
00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:23,758
It's mostly honeydew,

146
00:07:23,835 --> 00:07:26,278
and not a berry to be found
on the whole plate.

147
00:07:26,354 --> 00:07:27,687
What do you mean?
There's strawberries.

148
00:07:27,764 --> 00:07:29,172
Not technically a berry.

149
00:07:29,174 --> 00:07:31,283
It's actually
an aggregate accessory fruit.

150
00:07:31,359 --> 00:07:33,118
It's got the word "berry"
in the name.

151
00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:35,195
Doesn't make it a berry.
It's also got the word "straw,"

152
00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:37,180
but I'm not
sipping my drink through it.

153
00:07:37,182 --> 00:07:39,106
So, now I'm sitting here,
staring at a bay

154
00:07:39,184 --> 00:07:41,367
with a plate of
aggregate accessory fruit

155
00:07:41,444 --> 00:07:44,004
and wondering how you plan
to make this up to me.

156
00:07:45,207 --> 00:07:46,856
Hey, Peter.
How's the trip going?

157
00:07:46,858 --> 00:07:48,950
Awesome, Brian.
Not only did I manage to find

158
00:07:49,027 --> 00:07:50,302
the "World's Best Cheesecake,"

159
00:07:50,378 --> 00:07:52,195
I even brought back
an extra piece.

160
00:07:52,197 --> 00:07:54,047
Hey, I saw Lois and Quagmire

161
00:07:54,123 --> 00:07:56,032
have been posting
a ton of stuff on Instagram.

162
00:07:56,034 --> 00:07:57,642
Seems like they had quite a day.

163
00:08:02,298 --> 00:08:04,149
Does... does this
bother you at all?

164
00:08:04,226 --> 00:08:06,985
No way. I'm doing
vacation exactly right.

165
00:08:07,062 --> 00:08:08,394
Some idiot's takin' my wife

166
00:08:08,396 --> 00:08:10,547
to all the boring places
I don't want to go.

167
00:08:10,549 --> 00:08:13,383
Meanwhile, I'm at the hotel,
just eating cheesecake

168
00:08:13,385 --> 00:08:14,551
and ordering more towels.

169
00:08:14,553 --> 00:08:17,478
Hey, can I get more towels
to Room 412?

170
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,652
I think
I'll get the salmon.

171
00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:26,079
The salmon?

172
00:08:26,155 --> 00:08:28,064
I think that's a great idea.

173
00:08:28,066 --> 00:08:29,899
My God. What is that?

174
00:08:29,901 --> 00:08:32,902
It's a Christmas ornament I got
at the lighthouse gift shop.

175
00:08:32,904 --> 00:08:34,829
I just love small things

176
00:08:34,906 --> 00:08:36,848
that remind me
of big things I've seen.

177
00:08:38,076 --> 00:08:39,375
Settle down.

178
00:08:39,377 --> 00:08:41,686
Another Oreo cookie
milkshake with vodka in it.

179
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,856
You know, I'm feeling
a little hot in these pants.

180
00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:46,507
I may just
go upstairs real quick

181
00:08:46,585 --> 00:08:47,859
to change into a sarong.

182
00:08:48,011 --> 00:08:50,695
I feel like I'd also like
to slip into my sarong.

183
00:08:50,772 --> 00:08:52,513
Sarong run?

184
00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:55,033
You okay with them spending
so much time together?

185
00:08:55,110 --> 00:08:57,202
Yeah, no one
in the history of the world

186
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,262
has ever gone on a sarong run.

187
00:08:59,264 --> 00:09:00,446
Relax, it's fine.

188
00:09:00,523 --> 00:09:02,098
And no amount of ominous waves

189
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,708
crashing onto a rocky shore

190
00:09:03,785 --> 00:09:05,285
are gonna change my mind.

191
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,626
Now, Rupert, we mustn't
let our new friends

192
00:09:13,703 --> 00:09:17,038
see that we are anything
but adults, just like they are.

193
00:09:17,115 --> 00:09:18,782
So, Desmond,
what did you do today?

194
00:09:18,784 --> 00:09:21,284
I spent most of the day
in the business center,

195
00:09:21,286 --> 00:09:23,228
- as adults do.
- Really?

196
00:09:23,305 --> 00:09:26,306
Yes, they're running
an Epson ET-5180 in there.

197
00:09:26,382 --> 00:09:27,957
Not my preferred choice,
but, you know,

198
00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:29,642
thing jammed
and I didn't even cry.

199
00:09:29,719 --> 00:09:33,313
No tantrum.
Just kept on doing my business.

200
00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:35,740
You guys, let's totally do
credit card roulette

201
00:09:35,817 --> 00:09:37,150
to see who pays for dinner.

202
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,306
- Right?
- Yeah.
- I love it.

203
00:09:38,394 --> 00:09:40,495
Indeed. H-h-here.
Here. Here's mine.

204
00:09:42,899 --> 00:09:44,416
This is a Peppa Pig bookmark.

205
00:09:44,492 --> 00:09:46,492
No. No, they let you
customize the credit card.

206
00:09:46,569 --> 00:09:48,736
I almost went
with the Montreal Expos.

207
00:09:48,814 --> 00:09:50,071
They're not a team anymore.

208
00:09:50,148 --> 00:09:51,590
Yeah, I'm a big nostalgia guy.

209
00:09:51,666 --> 00:09:55,076
There you are, Stew...
I mean, um, Mr. Voyáge.

210
00:09:55,153 --> 00:09:57,078
With apologies for
the earlier fruit plate,

211
00:09:57,155 --> 00:09:59,264
please accept this
complimentary seafood tower.

212
00:09:59,341 --> 00:10:00,840
Great, now could you
bring us another one

213
00:10:00,917 --> 00:10:02,342
that you haven't
talked all over?

214
00:10:02,418 --> 00:10:04,251
And I'd say
this is less a seafood tower

215
00:10:04,329 --> 00:10:06,496
than it is a seafood duplex.

216
00:10:08,183 --> 00:10:10,091
Perhaps you'd prefer
a complimentary bottle

217
00:10:10,168 --> 00:10:11,592
of our finest Riesling?

218
00:10:11,670 --> 00:10:12,852
That's sweet.

219
00:10:12,929 --> 00:10:14,187
It's the least we could do.

220
00:10:14,263 --> 00:10:15,688
No, I'm talking about
the Riesling.

221
00:10:15,841 --> 00:10:18,675
I didn't realize this was a
bachelorette party in Nashville.

222
00:10:18,677 --> 00:10:20,118
Just bring back
another seafood tower

223
00:10:20,195 --> 00:10:21,694
and the score of the Expos game.

224
00:10:21,847 --> 00:10:24,364
That... was amazing.

225
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,850
Desmond, you absolutely have

226
00:10:26,852 --> 00:10:28,184
to join us
on our yacht tomorrow.

227
00:10:28,186 --> 00:10:30,536
Yacht? I say,
that sounds lovely.

228
00:10:30,689 --> 00:10:31,855
Yay!

229
00:10:31,857 --> 00:10:33,948
We's gonna sail to
and then hike up

230
00:10:33,950 --> 00:10:36,376
a volcano
called "The Purple Head."

231
00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:38,544
That's right.
We's gonna start at the base

232
00:10:38,621 --> 00:10:40,046
and then work our way
to the tip.

233
00:10:40,123 --> 00:10:41,364
You've got
to be careful, though,

234
00:10:41,383 --> 00:10:43,533
because The Purple Head's
been known to erupt

235
00:10:43,535 --> 00:10:45,034
when you least expect it.

236
00:10:45,036 --> 00:10:47,887
I even heard it's created
the world's biggest ash-hole.

237
00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:49,296
I'm gonna join this table.

238
00:10:49,374 --> 00:10:51,799
Peter, it seems like
it's been a while

239
00:10:51,877 --> 00:10:54,043
since Quagmire and Lois
went upstairs.

240
00:10:54,045 --> 00:10:55,879
Yeah, fine,
I'll go check on 'em.

241
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:02,369
My God.

242
00:11:03,889 --> 00:11:05,413
And I gotta clean it all up.

243
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:07,999
Yes, this is Room 412.

244
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,984
Can I have some more
towels, please?

245
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,825
Meg, look. It's that shirt.

246
00:11:17,903 --> 00:11:20,403
God, I want it so bad.

247
00:11:20,405 --> 00:11:23,214
You know, there is one way
for me to get that rum

248
00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:24,849
and for you to get that T-shirt.

249
00:11:24,926 --> 00:11:26,851
We could always shoplift 'em.

250
00:11:26,928 --> 00:11:29,187
Shoplift? Who do I look like,

251
00:11:29,264 --> 00:11:31,690
celebrity film critic Rex Reed?

252
00:11:31,766 --> 00:11:33,266
Convicted killer Robert Durst?

253
00:11:33,342 --> 00:11:36,194
Journeyman quarterback
Jameis Winston?

254
00:11:36,271 --> 00:11:40,365
Okay, I'm not exactly sure
what this is, but... yeah.

255
00:11:42,928 --> 00:11:44,777
Okay.

256
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:47,113
- I'm not sure how we...
- Relax, I got this.

257
00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:49,282
Go into a changing room,
put the rum in your backpack.

258
00:11:49,358 --> 00:11:51,267
Meanwhile, I'll go into
another changing room,

259
00:11:51,269 --> 00:11:52,785
put the shirt on,
then casually walk out

260
00:11:52,862 --> 00:11:54,695
like I came in wearing it.

261
00:11:54,773 --> 00:11:56,256
Okay. Got it.

262
00:12:00,779 --> 00:12:01,720
What are you doing?

263
00:12:01,796 --> 00:12:04,389
- Run! Run! I messed up!
- Aah!

264
00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:08,727
Desmond, you made it.

265
00:12:08,803 --> 00:12:10,136
Yes, I'm sorry I'm late.

266
00:12:10,213 --> 00:12:12,346
I was in the business center
helping Mr. Takahashi

267
00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:13,973
log into his United account.

268
00:12:14,050 --> 00:12:15,625
Do you know he's 75?

269
00:12:15,627 --> 00:12:17,902
I have no idea
who you're talking about.

270
00:12:17,979 --> 00:12:19,145
All right,
now could someone please

271
00:12:19,222 --> 00:12:21,072
help me onto the boat
like a woman?

272
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,148
Yes, there you are,

273
00:12:22,225 --> 00:12:24,300
just guide me
by my wrist and elbow.

274
00:12:24,302 --> 00:12:26,393
So, heading up
the volcano again?

275
00:12:26,471 --> 00:12:27,153
Yep.

276
00:12:27,230 --> 00:12:29,063
And just like every year,

277
00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:30,248
when we reach the top,

278
00:12:30,325 --> 00:12:33,234
we're all going
to make a sacrifice.

279
00:12:33,311 --> 00:12:34,753
Sacrifice?

280
00:12:34,829 --> 00:12:36,737
Well, no wonder they've
been so nice to me, Rupert.

281
00:12:36,815 --> 00:12:39,482
They're going to make
a sacrifice to the volcano,

282
00:12:39,484 --> 00:12:42,093
and I'm the only virgin
on this boat.

283
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:44,003
No, no, no, I don't care
if you found Jesus.

284
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,400
What happened before
still counts.

285
00:12:52,347 --> 00:12:55,164
Caught shoplifting
booze and a T-shirt?

286
00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:56,257
What were you guys thinking?

287
00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:58,926
I'm sorry, Brian.
I-I was just trying

288
00:12:59,004 --> 00:13:00,520
to keep up with Neil Goldman.

289
00:13:00,596 --> 00:13:03,114
Yeah, that
"Señor Frog's Cancún" shirt?

290
00:13:03,191 --> 00:13:04,598
Yeah, no,
that thing's badass.

291
00:13:04,676 --> 00:13:07,026
But, Meg, it says here
you not only stole rum,

292
00:13:07,103 --> 00:13:09,345
but also two tiny novelty
license plates

293
00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:10,863
that say "Mel" and "Greg"?

294
00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:12,439
I was gonna cut 'em in half

295
00:13:12,517 --> 00:13:14,292
and solder 'em together
to spell "Meg".

296
00:13:14,369 --> 00:13:17,370
There's no way people are
still naming their kids "Mel."

297
00:13:17,446 --> 00:13:19,780
Like, name one "Mel" under 50.

298
00:13:19,782 --> 00:13:21,040
I think we're getting off track.

299
00:13:21,117 --> 00:13:23,918
I'm just saying, you can
stop printing the Mels.

300
00:13:23,995 --> 00:13:25,862
- We don't print them.
- Okay, then you can

301
00:13:25,864 --> 00:13:27,788
stop ordering the Mels.

302
00:13:33,371 --> 00:13:35,038
Hey, Lois,

303
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,190
open wide.

304
00:13:38,226 --> 00:13:41,302
Glenn, I want you
to take my cherry.

305
00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:43,062
Yeah, I'll take your cherry.

306
00:13:43,139 --> 00:13:44,305
You want my crust?

307
00:13:44,382 --> 00:13:47,050
Ew, no.
No, I mean, I like crust,

308
00:13:47,052 --> 00:13:49,385
but don't...
don't say it like that.

309
00:13:58,413 --> 00:13:59,562
This is Brian.

310
00:13:59,564 --> 00:14:01,230
Brian, this
is a resort executive

311
00:14:01,232 --> 00:14:02,990
in a heavily-embroidered,
open-collar shirt.

312
00:14:03,068 --> 00:14:06,252
We've gotten several complaints
from a very important guest,

313
00:14:06,329 --> 00:14:08,571
Desmond Voyáge,
including the fact that,

314
00:14:08,573 --> 00:14:11,683
"the in-room movie selections
don't include Michael Clayton,

315
00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:14,760
"despite there clearly being
a still image of it

316
00:14:14,837 --> 00:14:16,245
on the home screen."

317
00:14:16,247 --> 00:14:17,504
Frickin' Stewie.

318
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,341
He says, for him, "falling
asleep to George Clooney

319
00:14:20,418 --> 00:14:22,752
"shouting about
toxic agrochemicals

320
00:14:22,754 --> 00:14:25,012
scratches a very specific itch."

321
00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,198
Yep, I'll handle it. Thanks.

322
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,619
I've missed you, captain.

323
00:14:39,695 --> 00:14:41,896
And I've missed you, Brett.

324
00:14:41,973 --> 00:14:43,289
It's... it's Brian.

325
00:14:43,366 --> 00:14:44,624
Sorry, I...

326
00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:48,294
I guess I'm always super wasted
when we hang out.

327
00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:56,543
Hey, so, this seems
far enough, right?

328
00:14:56,621 --> 00:14:58,396
Like, I'll bet
if we turn around now,

329
00:14:58,473 --> 00:15:00,306
we can still get back in time

330
00:15:00,383 --> 00:15:02,066
to make fun
of the cabana waitress

331
00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:04,385
with the lopsided boob job, heh?

332
00:15:04,462 --> 00:15:06,220
Damn it, Rupert,
we're running out of ti...

333
00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:08,740
I've got a signal.
I've got to call Brian.

334
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,317
- Hello?
- Brian, help!

335
00:15:11,469 --> 00:15:13,152
I'm hiking to the top
of a volcano

336
00:15:13,229 --> 00:15:15,821
where I'm going to be thrown
to my death as a sacrifice.

337
00:15:15,898 --> 00:15:17,140
Screw you, Stewie!

338
00:15:17,142 --> 00:15:19,642
You've turned my job
into a total nightmare.

339
00:15:19,644 --> 00:15:22,145
Hey, you-you think a novel
set inside a mushroom

340
00:15:22,147 --> 00:15:23,570
would be a good idea?

341
00:15:23,648 --> 00:15:25,648
Except-except you wouldn't know
it's a mushroom

342
00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:26,983
until the very last page.

343
00:15:26,985 --> 00:15:29,485
I'd call it Mushroom Surprise.

344
00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:31,154
Well, that kind of
gives it away.

345
00:15:31,156 --> 00:15:32,488
No, no, 'cause in the story,

346
00:15:32,490 --> 00:15:34,173
that-that's the guy's
favorite soup,

347
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:36,100
so, like, that's
what you'd think it means.

348
00:15:36,177 --> 00:15:37,918
Honestly, I don't get
the whole soup angle.

349
00:15:37,996 --> 00:15:39,270
It seems needlessly confusing.

350
00:15:39,347 --> 00:15:41,664
You don't know! You always think
you're better than me.

351
00:15:41,666 --> 00:15:42,941
Well, you're not.

352
00:15:43,017 --> 00:15:46,018
In fact, I've met a ton
of celebrities at this job.

353
00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:48,838
- Name one.
- Um... Brad?

354
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:52,283
Brad somebody? He was in, um...

355
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,619
Go to hell, Stewie!
I'm not helping you.

356
00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:56,120
Brian, please. Don't hang up!

357
00:15:56,197 --> 00:15:57,847
Rupert, I'm so scared.

358
00:15:57,849 --> 00:15:59,440
This may finally be
the end for me...

359
00:15:59,517 --> 00:16:01,184
Hello? Brian?

360
00:16:01,186 --> 00:16:03,519
I remembered which Brad it was.

361
00:16:03,521 --> 00:16:04,963
It was Toby Huss.

362
00:16:13,698 --> 00:16:15,807
So, is there something
you want to tell me?

363
00:16:15,883 --> 00:16:19,719
Nothing, just swam with a
dolphin this morning, no biggie.

364
00:16:19,871 --> 00:16:20,979
Not you.

365
00:16:21,055 --> 00:16:22,796
It actually was me.
Check Facebook.

366
00:16:22,874 --> 00:16:25,984
Peter, Lois and I don't know
what you're talking about.

367
00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:27,801
I know you've been eating
cheesecake with my wife

368
00:16:27,879 --> 00:16:29,212
behind my back.

369
00:16:29,214 --> 00:16:30,637
You left a used napkin
in the couch.

370
00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:35,218
Okay, fine, Peter.
It-it just, it looked too good.

371
00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:37,903
Quagmire and I each had
one bite, but that's it.

372
00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:39,722
It's true. After
that, we both felt so guilty,

373
00:16:39,724 --> 00:16:41,648
we threw the rest of it
off the balcony

374
00:16:41,726 --> 00:16:42,983
and into the ocean.

375
00:16:44,395 --> 00:16:47,321
Wow, this is, like,
the world's best cheesecake.

376
00:16:47,398 --> 00:16:49,490
Yeah. I saw the sign.

377
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:51,417
I'm sorry we lied to you, Peter.

378
00:16:51,494 --> 00:16:54,570
But, look, I think there's
a part of me that was angry

379
00:16:54,572 --> 00:16:56,681
you seemed to care more
about a dumb piece of cheesecake

380
00:16:56,758 --> 00:16:59,909
than being on a romantic
vacation with your wife.

381
00:16:59,911 --> 00:17:02,411
It's my fault, too, Lois.

382
00:17:02,413 --> 00:17:04,689
I'm sorry I've been kind of
neglecting you this trip.

383
00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:07,692
Hey, I know. How about
we flush the whole afternoon

384
00:17:07,769 --> 00:17:10,253
down the tubes by wandering
through a bunch of boring,

385
00:17:10,255 --> 00:17:11,754
overpriced boutiques?

386
00:17:11,756 --> 00:17:16,034
That's all any woman wants.
I love you, Peter.

387
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:26,602
Okay, Desmond,
the moment has arrived.

388
00:17:26,604 --> 00:17:29,672
Time to step up
to the lip of the volcano.

389
00:17:36,781 --> 00:17:38,130
This is it, Rupert.

390
00:17:38,283 --> 00:17:41,117
If Lizzo ever writes back,
I want you to have the letter.

391
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:42,876
Put it in a frame I would like.

392
00:17:42,954 --> 00:17:45,621
Talk to Curt at Aaron Brothers,
he's fantastic.

393
00:17:58,136 --> 00:18:00,745
- Yay! We did it!
- Did what?

394
00:18:00,822 --> 00:18:02,305
Hey. I-I thought Dennis said

395
00:18:02,307 --> 00:18:03,748
you were all going
to make a sacrifice.

396
00:18:03,825 --> 00:18:04,974
That's right.

397
00:18:04,976 --> 00:18:07,326
The sacrifice is
that we's posting a pic

398
00:18:07,403 --> 00:18:10,663
with no filter and no photoshop.

399
00:18:10,739 --> 00:18:13,149
And... posted.

400
00:18:13,151 --> 00:18:15,909
Ooh, first comment.

401
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:19,413
"So brave to post such
a terrible photo of yourselves."

402
00:18:19,490 --> 00:18:22,225
Delete. Delete. Delete.

403
00:18:32,503 --> 00:18:35,521
Fine, Stewie, maybe we don't
have Michael Clayton.

404
00:18:35,598 --> 00:18:38,174
But we got that Matt Damon
fracking movie.

405
00:18:38,176 --> 00:18:40,860
Basically the same thing.
What's that... what is it called?

406
00:18:40,936 --> 00:18:43,270
I want to, I want to say
"Frack Damon"?

407
00:18:43,348 --> 00:18:45,439
And-and, not enough berries
on your plate?

408
00:18:45,516 --> 00:18:49,460
I-I got some berries for you,
of the dingle variety.

409
00:19:14,562 --> 00:19:16,821
Housekeeping.

410
00:19:16,898 --> 00:19:19,407
No, no, no...

411
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:26,664
You know, posting that photo
wasn't the only sacrifice

412
00:19:26,741 --> 00:19:28,332
- we made today.
- Really?

413
00:19:28,409 --> 00:19:32,003
Yep. You won't find
a single carb on this boat.

414
00:19:32,079 --> 00:19:34,397
Um... flatbread is a carb.

415
00:19:34,399 --> 00:19:37,157
My God, he's right.
Why did we think that?

416
00:19:37,235 --> 00:19:40,327
- Just 'cause it's flat?
- I must have had two boxes.

417
00:19:40,405 --> 00:19:43,139
My hat that no one likes!

418
00:19:50,081 --> 00:19:51,931
No!

419
00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:54,400
I know!

420
00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:19,217
So sad.

421
00:20:19,293 --> 00:20:21,627
The lifeguard said the sharks
were lured to the resort

422
00:20:21,745 --> 00:20:23,888
because someone threw
cheesecake in the water.

423
00:20:23,965 --> 00:20:26,557
Is that right?

424
00:20:27,635 --> 00:20:30,453
I don't know
if I's ever gonna recover.

425
00:20:30,455 --> 00:20:32,045
I could come back with you.

426
00:20:32,123 --> 00:20:34,957
Let the healing begin!

427
00:20:34,959 --> 00:20:36,642
Hey. Where have you been?

428
00:20:36,644 --> 00:20:39,462
At the duty-free shop, buying
six cartons of cigarettes,

429
00:20:39,464 --> 00:20:42,465
a jug of Dior perfume
and a tin of wafer cookies.

430
00:20:42,467 --> 00:20:45,243
- Did you get a good deal?
- I have no idea.

431
00:20:45,319 --> 00:20:47,486
And what about you?
You're coming home with us?

432
00:20:47,563 --> 00:20:49,472
Yeah. I actually got fired
for dragging my ass

433
00:20:49,474 --> 00:20:51,398
on every inch
of a guest's hotel room.

434
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,584
Aw, epic.
Even their pillow?

435
00:20:53,661 --> 00:20:55,902
- Yep.
- Nice.

436
00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:58,071
Maybe next year, we'll go to
the White Lotus in Thailand.

437
00:20:58,149 --> 00:20:59,465
I hear it's not as good.

438
00:20:59,545 --> 00:21:01,545
>>oakislandtk<<<<<
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