1
00:00:38,707 --> 00:00:40,584
You know, say what
you want about Quahog,

2
00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:43,629
but I am so impressed
seeing all these donations

3
00:00:43,712 --> 00:00:45,422
from our very own community.

4
00:00:45,506 --> 00:00:48,050
I'm curious if our old VCR
is getting any nibbles.

5
00:00:48,133 --> 00:00:49,676
Peter, don't bid on it.

6
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:50,802
I want it back.

7
00:00:50,886 --> 00:00:54,348
Welcome, everyone, to the live
auction portion of the evening.

8
00:00:54,431 --> 00:00:57,184
First up, a romantic
vacation for two

9
00:00:57,267 --> 00:01:00,270
at a historic bed and
breakfast along the coast.

10
00:01:00,354 --> 00:01:02,648
Oh, that actually
sounds pretty nice.

11
00:01:02,731 --> 00:01:04,066
Peter, give me the paddle.

12
00:01:05,025 --> 00:01:06,068
$200!

13
00:01:06,151 --> 00:01:09,363
Yes. $200 from
someone's hot wife.

14
00:01:09,446 --> 00:01:10,447
$250!

15
00:01:10,531 --> 00:01:13,617
$250 from a slightly
less attractive woman.

16
00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:16,036
Unless, of course, I hear $300!

17
00:01:17,204 --> 00:01:18,247
$500.

18
00:01:18,330 --> 00:01:21,792
$500 from Sydney
Sweeney's twin sister.

19
00:01:21,875 --> 00:01:22,876
Do I hear six?

20
00:01:24,962 --> 00:01:26,547
Sold to Lois Griffin,

21
00:01:26,630 --> 00:01:30,008
whose husband just lost the
silent auction for the VHS player.

22
00:01:30,092 --> 00:01:31,134
Aw.

23
00:01:31,218 --> 00:01:33,011
My Lawnmower Man tape
is still in there.

24
00:01:33,095 --> 00:01:35,013
I can't believe I actually won.

25
00:01:35,097 --> 00:01:36,598
I have not felt a rush like this

26
00:01:36,682 --> 00:01:39,476
since I had exact change
at the grocery store.

27
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,062
That will be $22.48.

28
00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:43,689
Oh, I think I have change.

29
00:01:43,772 --> 00:01:45,148
Uh... 40, 45...

30
00:01:45,232 --> 00:01:46,441
Oh my God!

31
00:01:46,525 --> 00:01:49,111
Exactly 48 cents.
Can you believe that?

32
00:01:49,695 --> 00:01:51,280
Well, today must
be my lucky day.

33
00:01:51,363 --> 00:01:53,824
I'm gonna take this as
my sign to stay open

34
00:01:53,907 --> 00:01:55,617
and say yes to everything.

35
00:01:55,701 --> 00:01:57,161
And would you like to
round your purchase up

36
00:01:57,244 --> 00:01:58,829
for our "kids with
cancer" charity?

37
00:01:58,912 --> 00:02:00,080
Oh, God, no! No, no.

38
00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:02,249
I don't even like
looking at that picture.

39
00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:07,337
I can't believe I won a trip!

40
00:02:07,421 --> 00:02:10,007
Did you see the offended
look on Bonnie's face?

41
00:02:10,090 --> 00:02:11,550
Yep, got it locked and loaded.

42
00:02:11,633 --> 00:02:13,719
A real bed and breakfast.

43
00:02:13,802 --> 00:02:17,723
Peter, this trip is my one
chance to relax and enjoy myself.

44
00:02:17,806 --> 00:02:20,976
I spend every day taking care
of other people in this house

45
00:02:21,059 --> 00:02:22,936
and just once, just once,

46
00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:25,314
I want to feel taken care of.

47
00:02:25,397 --> 00:02:26,440
Okay, Lois.

48
00:02:26,523 --> 00:02:27,608
Thank you.

49
00:02:27,691 --> 00:02:29,109
What weekend should we go?

50
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,193
Where's that now?

51
00:02:30,277 --> 00:02:31,737
To the bed and breakfast.

52
00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:33,030
Oh, no way I'm doing that.

53
00:02:33,113 --> 00:02:35,240
Not after our last
romantic vacation.

54
00:02:35,824 --> 00:02:37,534
Sir, my condolences.

55
00:02:37,618 --> 00:02:39,995
But I wanted to let you
know that Peter Mayhew,

56
00:02:40,078 --> 00:02:43,415
who originally played
Chewbacca, has passed away.

57
00:02:43,498 --> 00:02:44,541
No!

58
00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:46,418
I'm so sorry, sir.

59
00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:48,587
Thank you, butler who
I bring on vacations

60
00:02:48,670 --> 00:02:50,380
just in case Peter Mayhew dies.

61
00:02:50,464 --> 00:02:52,424
It's been an honor, sir.

62
00:02:56,553 --> 00:02:58,305
I'm not paying him
for the full week.

63
00:03:00,265 --> 00:03:01,516
Chris, I have your clea...

64
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,061
When did you get a souvenir
of the Washington Monument?

65
00:03:04,144 --> 00:03:05,395
Ma! Get out!

66
00:03:05,479 --> 00:03:06,813
Oh, my God!

67
00:03:06,897 --> 00:03:08,231
Oh, my God! Wha...

68
00:03:08,315 --> 00:03:11,026
What the hell, Chris?
Can't you lock the door?

69
00:03:11,109 --> 00:03:13,236
Oh, my God, I can't
unsee that now.

70
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,571
Think how I feel.

71
00:03:14,655 --> 00:03:16,365
Now I'm gonna need
someone to walk in

72
00:03:16,448 --> 00:03:17,866
at that precise
moment every time,

73
00:03:17,949 --> 00:03:19,910
or it's not gonna work anymore!

74
00:03:19,993 --> 00:03:22,496
Put that on your
chore list, Mother!

75
00:03:24,498 --> 00:03:25,624
What's wrong, Mom?

76
00:03:25,707 --> 00:03:28,335
I just walked in
on your brother.

77
00:03:28,418 --> 00:03:30,420
Oh, my God, it's
9:00 in the morning.

78
00:03:30,504 --> 00:03:33,215
What is wrong with boys? A
girl would never do that.

79
00:03:33,298 --> 00:03:34,299
I don't know.

80
00:03:34,383 --> 00:03:36,676
Why do you think I slide down
the banister to breakfast?

81
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:40,389
Come on, Meg. Everyone knows
women don't pleasure themselves.

82
00:03:40,472 --> 00:03:41,973
You seriously think that?

83
00:03:42,057 --> 00:03:43,225
Well, yeah.

84
00:03:43,308 --> 00:03:45,143
So are you saying when
you use the bidet,

85
00:03:45,227 --> 00:03:46,645
you're facing forward?

86
00:03:46,728 --> 00:03:47,729
Of course.

87
00:03:47,813 --> 00:03:49,564
And when you ride a bike,

88
00:03:49,648 --> 00:03:51,858
you're just going
out for exercise?

89
00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:52,943
Yeah.

90
00:03:53,026 --> 00:03:54,694
Look, all my free time just goes

91
00:03:54,778 --> 00:03:57,572
to taking care of other people
and then lording it over them.

92
00:03:57,656 --> 00:04:00,700
Wow. Maybe that's why you're
such a bitch all the time.

93
00:04:00,784 --> 00:04:02,619
- What's that?
- I said, you should totally try it.

94
00:04:02,702 --> 00:04:04,996
Pick the hottest guy you
can think of and go to town.

95
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,289
What's stopping you?

96
00:04:06,373 --> 00:04:07,374
I don't know.

97
00:04:07,457 --> 00:04:09,543
Maybe it has something
to do with those films

98
00:04:09,626 --> 00:04:12,504
they used to show us in
masturbation ed class.

99
00:04:12,587 --> 00:04:13,839
Samantha was alone

100
00:04:13,922 --> 00:04:16,758
and thought she might
begin to know her body.

101
00:04:16,842 --> 00:04:19,719
Instead, she got to know

102
00:04:19,803 --> 00:04:21,346
her grave.

103
00:04:22,431 --> 00:04:23,890
I don't know, Meg.

104
00:04:23,974 --> 00:04:26,101
I'm not sure my
subconscious will allow me

105
00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:28,353
to think about any man
other than your father,

106
00:04:28,437 --> 00:04:29,813
but thanks anyway.

107
00:04:29,896 --> 00:04:32,023
- You're a good Daughtry.
- I'm not that great.

108
00:04:32,107 --> 00:04:34,025
Oh, Denzel yourself short.

109
00:04:34,109 --> 00:04:35,652
I'm just out of my Depp here.

110
00:04:35,736 --> 00:04:37,738
I can learn to live
with the Bardem.

111
00:04:37,821 --> 00:04:39,823
Well, Estrada the laundry.

112
00:04:39,906 --> 00:04:41,158
I should go finish it.

113
00:04:41,241 --> 00:04:43,493
Anyway, Ryan Gosling.

114
00:04:47,539 --> 00:04:50,125
Ah, another day over and done.

115
00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:51,293
Kids are asleep.

116
00:04:51,376 --> 00:04:53,462
I put on all my creams
that do nothing,

117
00:04:53,545 --> 00:04:55,547
and Peter won't be
back for an hour.

118
00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:57,716
I have the whole
night to myself.

119
00:05:02,596 --> 00:05:05,557
I guess I could check in on
Mindy Kaling's body journey.

120
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,101
Oh, she credits her
weight loss to walking.

121
00:05:08,185 --> 00:05:09,728
Yeah, you stick
with that, Mindy.

122
00:05:09,811 --> 00:05:12,105
The bigger the lie, the
more people will believe it.

123
00:05:12,189 --> 00:05:13,398
Ooh. What's this?

124
00:05:13,482 --> 00:05:15,317
John Cena chops wood,

125
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,569
and you won't
believe the results.

126
00:05:19,863 --> 00:05:22,616
Well, I didn't expect
those results at all.

127
00:05:22,699 --> 00:05:24,367
Do it, Mom. It's just you

128
00:05:24,451 --> 00:05:27,412
and John Cena's rippling
shoulder and neck area.

129
00:05:27,496 --> 00:05:28,663
Now's the time!

130
00:05:28,747 --> 00:05:32,626
Huh. Maybe my subconscious
memory of Meg's advice is right.

131
00:05:32,709 --> 00:05:34,419
No! It's actually me.

132
00:05:34,503 --> 00:05:36,963
I can hear you talking to
yourself through the wall.

133
00:05:37,047 --> 00:05:39,591
Oh, just go for it already!
I'm not even listening.

134
00:05:39,674 --> 00:05:43,595
I'm gonna pop in my pods and fall
asleep to some old Stanley Cups.

135
00:05:46,014 --> 00:05:48,433
She's right. It's now or never.

136
00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:51,061
Hell yeah, Yzerman! Let's go!

137
00:05:51,144 --> 00:05:52,229
Ah, okay.

138
00:05:52,312 --> 00:05:54,064
Focus, Lois.

139
00:06:22,092 --> 00:06:23,093
Jimmy Connors?

140
00:06:23,176 --> 00:06:24,636
Jimmy Connors.

141
00:06:31,476 --> 00:06:33,979
All right, well, since your
mom is nowhere to be found,

142
00:06:34,062 --> 00:06:35,605
I think we should
go around the table

143
00:06:35,689 --> 00:06:37,899
and say who you think the
hottest family member is.

144
00:06:37,983 --> 00:06:39,067
And don't say no one.

145
00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:42,195
You should probably just
ask us how school was, Dad.

146
00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:43,905
I heard "you" and "Dad."

147
00:06:43,989 --> 00:06:46,408
So thank you, Chris.
I also picked myself.

148
00:06:46,491 --> 00:06:48,410
Where is Lois
anyway? I'm starving.

149
00:06:48,493 --> 00:06:50,204
I don't know, but I've
been hearing a lot of buzz.

150
00:06:50,287 --> 00:06:51,288
What have you been hearing?

151
00:06:51,371 --> 00:06:52,998
A literal buzz. Lot of it.

152
00:06:53,582 --> 00:06:55,166
Mom, what's for dinner?

153
00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:56,459
Fish fingers!

154
00:06:56,543 --> 00:06:57,627
Yuck!

155
00:06:57,711 --> 00:06:59,212
Sorry I'm a little late.

156
00:06:59,296 --> 00:07:01,089
Let it be noted
that everyone else

157
00:07:01,172 --> 00:07:03,717
was able to pleasure
themselves in a timely fashion

158
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,969
and still show up
to dinner promptly.

159
00:07:06,052 --> 00:07:08,597
Well, everyone is free
to do what they want.

160
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,599
I choose to take care of myself.

161
00:07:10,682 --> 00:07:12,559
And if people aren't
satisfied with that,

162
00:07:12,642 --> 00:07:14,728
then they can take care
of themselves, too.

163
00:07:14,811 --> 00:07:16,396
That includes cooking dinner.

164
00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:19,733
Look, Mom, nobody is happier
for you than I am, really.

165
00:07:19,816 --> 00:07:21,776
This is a mitzvah at
the highest level,

166
00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:24,946
but not if it doesn't put a
weird over-salted white pasta

167
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:26,740
on the damn table.

168
00:07:26,823 --> 00:07:28,742
Chris is right. We can't
do everything, Lois.

169
00:07:28,825 --> 00:07:30,160
What are we supposed
to eat every night?

170
00:07:30,243 --> 00:07:31,828
The kids' leftover
Halloween candy?

171
00:07:31,911 --> 00:07:33,288
Maybe I can do
some of this stuff.

172
00:07:33,371 --> 00:07:34,789
Okay, enough!

173
00:07:34,873 --> 00:07:36,875
You know, I always thought
making other people happy

174
00:07:36,958 --> 00:07:38,084
was what made me happy,

175
00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:41,921
but it turns out making me
happy is what makes me happy.

176
00:07:42,005 --> 00:07:44,424
And I plan on doing
a lot more of that.

177
00:07:47,927 --> 00:07:50,347
So that's what's up, Doc.

178
00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:56,478
Good day. This is BBC's
Football This Morning.

179
00:07:56,561 --> 00:07:57,937
Highlighting the
Premier League's

180
00:07:58,021 --> 00:08:01,650
most exciting biracial
footballers with British accents.

181
00:08:01,733 --> 00:08:02,734
Oh!

182
00:08:02,817 --> 00:08:06,279
As we screen these soft focus
snaps of deep bronze footballers,

183
00:08:06,363 --> 00:08:09,115
bear in mind, they all
speak the Queen's English.

184
00:08:09,199 --> 00:08:10,575
Oh, yeah!

185
00:08:10,659 --> 00:08:12,410
Here's one eating crisps.

186
00:08:12,494 --> 00:08:14,829
Oh, that means potato chips.

187
00:08:14,913 --> 00:08:16,539
Here's one in his flat.

188
00:08:16,623 --> 00:08:19,084
Mm! Sexier than "apartment."

189
00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:22,587
And here's one with a calendar
updating his schedule.

190
00:08:22,671 --> 00:08:25,382
Ah! Same word
pronounced different!

191
00:08:25,465 --> 00:08:27,300
Hello?

192
00:08:27,384 --> 00:08:29,469
Hey, Lois, it's
Todd from TJ Maxx.

193
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:32,889
I noticed you haven't been aimlessly
wandering the aisles lately.

194
00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:34,349
Oh, hi, Todd.

195
00:08:34,432 --> 00:08:37,477
Yeah, I finally discovered
the art of self-pleasure.

196
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,312
Sorry you had to
find out like that.

197
00:08:39,396 --> 00:08:42,649
No worries. We actually get this
call more often than you might think.

198
00:08:42,732 --> 00:08:44,150
I'll let HomeGoods know.

199
00:08:44,234 --> 00:08:46,027
I think it's best
they hear it from us.

200
00:08:46,695 --> 00:08:48,071
Hi, Todd.

201
00:08:48,154 --> 00:08:49,155
It's Todd.

202
00:08:49,239 --> 00:08:50,782
No, I haven't seen Lois.

203
00:08:50,865 --> 00:08:53,159
And that's exactly
why I'm calling.

204
00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:01,751
Can I help you find something?

205
00:09:01,835 --> 00:09:04,129
Principal Shepherd, is that you?

206
00:09:04,212 --> 00:09:06,881
Ah, you've got me. How
deeply humiliating.

207
00:09:06,965 --> 00:09:08,383
Oh, no, not at all.

208
00:09:08,466 --> 00:09:10,593
Sex is nothing to be ashamed of.

209
00:09:10,677 --> 00:09:12,303
Okay, well, you ruined it.

210
00:09:12,387 --> 00:09:14,014
Anyway, perhaps I
can interest you

211
00:09:14,097 --> 00:09:16,641
Impossible line of toys.

212
00:09:16,725 --> 00:09:19,185
There's the Tom
Bruise, the Ring Veins,

213
00:09:19,269 --> 00:09:22,397
and Simon Pegg is
still just Simon Pegg.

214
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,482
I think I'll just browse a bit.

215
00:09:24,566 --> 00:09:26,359
All right, well, a
general heads-up.

216
00:09:26,443 --> 00:09:29,487
I don't have enough wet floor
signs to cover the wet floor,

217
00:09:29,571 --> 00:09:31,948
but just assume
everywhere is wet.

218
00:09:39,039 --> 00:09:42,250
Bonnie? What are
you doing here?

219
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:45,336
I never expected to see you at
this little hole in the wall

220
00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:47,297
with all the little
holes in the wall.

221
00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:49,090
Oh, I've been coming for years.

222
00:09:49,174 --> 00:09:52,135
Really? I thought this
place just opened.

223
00:09:52,218 --> 00:09:53,261
Yes.

224
00:09:53,344 --> 00:09:55,346
I can't believe you also enjoy

225
00:09:55,430 --> 00:09:58,099
feeling physically and
emotionally satisfied.

226
00:09:58,183 --> 00:09:59,976
I thought I was the only one.

227
00:10:00,060 --> 00:10:03,146
Well, the media likes to
act like a woman's sex drive

228
00:10:03,229 --> 00:10:05,065
is not as strong as a man's,

229
00:10:05,148 --> 00:10:08,693
and they're definitely right, but
it's still kind of strong, probably.

230
00:10:08,777 --> 00:10:10,862
I totally agree.

231
00:10:10,945 --> 00:10:13,031
You know, you look
really great, by the way.

232
00:10:13,114 --> 00:10:14,908
Ah! Listen to me.

233
00:10:14,991 --> 00:10:18,495
I think that was my first genuine
compliment to another woman.

234
00:10:18,578 --> 00:10:21,664
Yeah. When you realize you
don't need a man for pleasure,

235
00:10:21,748 --> 00:10:23,875
other women no longer
feel threatening.

236
00:10:23,958 --> 00:10:26,461
Oh, jeez, Bonnie, you
know, it's so nice.

237
00:10:26,544 --> 00:10:30,298
After all these years of constantly
comparing ourselves to each other...

238
00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:31,591
I haven't been doing that.

239
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:35,512
Well, it's just so nice to finally
find out that we aren't so different.

240
00:10:35,595 --> 00:10:36,596
Yeah.

241
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:39,349
Hey, you want to go get a
glass of wine or something?

242
00:10:39,432 --> 00:10:41,226
I'd love that.

243
00:10:41,309 --> 00:10:43,144
You know, all this
sexual liberation

244
00:10:43,228 --> 00:10:46,189
has just made me feel so
open-minded and giving.

245
00:10:46,272 --> 00:10:49,109
And would you like to round
up your total for Make-A-Wish?

246
00:10:49,192 --> 00:10:51,361
Ugh! God, no! No, no, no!

247
00:10:54,447 --> 00:10:56,783
From the makers of The
Last Temptation of Christ

248
00:10:56,866 --> 00:10:59,619
comes The Second to Last
Temptation of Christ.

249
00:11:00,954 --> 00:11:02,580
Can I tempt anyone with dessert?

250
00:11:02,664 --> 00:11:04,874
Ooh, yeah! We'll
have the cheesecake.

251
00:11:04,958 --> 00:11:07,418
I see that paleo thing
didn't last long.

252
00:11:07,502 --> 00:11:08,503
I'm sorry, Judas,

253
00:11:08,586 --> 00:11:11,798
does the global calendar
begin with your birth or mine?

254
00:11:11,881 --> 00:11:13,925
Ooh!

255
00:11:14,008 --> 00:11:16,511
Uh, yeah, we'll
have the cheesecake.

256
00:11:17,262 --> 00:11:18,513
I'm glad you're all here.

257
00:11:18,596 --> 00:11:20,098
I have an announcement to make.

258
00:11:20,181 --> 00:11:23,143
No, not Chubby
Checker! Not today!

259
00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:25,854
Chubby Checker's fine,
Peter. This is about me.

260
00:11:25,937 --> 00:11:27,188
Wow, breaking news!

261
00:11:27,272 --> 00:11:31,192
Wife somehow makes Chubby
Checker's near death about herself.

262
00:11:31,276 --> 00:11:34,988
Look, I want to thank you all
for indulging me this past week.

263
00:11:35,071 --> 00:11:37,657
I've been on a journey
with my body and my spirit,

264
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,659
and you've all given
me lots of space

265
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:42,912
to explore new desires,
and I appreciate all that.

266
00:11:42,996 --> 00:11:44,330
And one more thing:

267
00:11:44,414 --> 00:11:45,999
I'm dating Bonnie now.

268
00:11:46,082 --> 00:11:47,167
Hello!

269
00:12:11,816 --> 00:12:13,318
- You heard?
- Yeah, I heard.

270
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:25,246
Okay. What is it?
What's so funny?

271
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,916
Just something from
Donna. She's hilarious.

272
00:12:27,999 --> 00:12:29,792
I don't know much about
the model or make,

273
00:12:29,876 --> 00:12:33,129
but I do understand the
societal theories about Subarus

274
00:12:33,213 --> 00:12:34,797
and the women who enjoy them.

275
00:12:34,881 --> 00:12:36,633
Okay, fellas. I see
what this is about.

276
00:12:36,716 --> 00:12:40,136
Which one of you sly little
rascals is buying a new car?

277
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:43,640
No, Joe, this is about the fact
that your wife is dating my wife,

278
00:12:43,723 --> 00:12:44,807
and it's all your fault.

279
00:12:44,891 --> 00:12:47,644
If you had just pleased your wife,
none of this would be happening.

280
00:12:47,727 --> 00:12:48,770
Oh, okay, Peter.

281
00:12:48,853 --> 00:12:51,814
And by that logic, I suppose
it's also her trainer's fault.

282
00:12:51,898 --> 00:12:53,775
And Sensei Ryan's fault.

283
00:12:53,858 --> 00:12:54,901
Times have changed.

284
00:12:54,984 --> 00:12:58,029
Nowadays, you have to let
your wives be unfaithful

285
00:12:58,112 --> 00:13:00,782
if it's presented through the
lens of "living their truth."

286
00:13:00,865 --> 00:13:03,952
This is humiliating.
Being a cuckold sucks.

287
00:13:04,035 --> 00:13:05,245
It's not so bad, Peter.

288
00:13:05,328 --> 00:13:07,872
The trick is to get really
into World War I Reddit.

289
00:13:07,956 --> 00:13:10,041
Or as we in the
community call it,

290
00:13:10,124 --> 00:13:11,626
the Great War.

291
00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:15,421
Because at that time, no one knew
there would be a second one, see?

292
00:13:15,505 --> 00:13:17,257
Look, Peter, I know
this must be strange,

293
00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:19,300
but the best thing that
you and Joe can both do

294
00:13:19,384 --> 00:13:22,512
is accept this budding and
probably quite playful relationship

295
00:13:22,595 --> 00:13:24,764
between your mutually
wet-mouthed wives.

296
00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,527
Oh, God, it's happening again!

297
00:13:35,692 --> 00:13:37,110
Peter, what the hell?

298
00:13:37,193 --> 00:13:39,279
I got upset when I
saw the suitcase.

299
00:13:39,362 --> 00:13:41,906
I also killed a bird and
left it in the bathtub.

300
00:13:41,990 --> 00:13:43,908
It's just one weekend.

301
00:13:43,992 --> 00:13:46,160
Bonnie and I are going on
the trip to Munchruggit

302
00:13:46,244 --> 00:13:47,745
that you didn't want to go on.

303
00:13:47,829 --> 00:13:50,206
Whoa, whoa, whoa! I never
heard nothing about a trip.

304
00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:52,792
Yes, you did. But
I'll tell you again.

305
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,669
It's that quaint little
bed and breakfast

306
00:13:54,752 --> 00:13:55,795
off of Route 4...

307
00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,589
She's right. Because
this is exactly

308
00:13:57,672 --> 00:13:59,007
where I stopped
listening last time

309
00:13:59,090 --> 00:14:00,758
and started thinking
about Wolverine.

310
00:14:00,842 --> 00:14:03,845
Okay, you win. Wolverine
is the coolest X-Man.

311
00:14:03,928 --> 00:14:06,180
Peter, I am going
on this vacation.

312
00:14:06,264 --> 00:14:09,392
Unless you are trying to tell your
wife she can't live her truth.

313
00:14:09,475 --> 00:14:10,685
Remember, Peter,

314
00:14:10,768 --> 00:14:12,729
you have to let your
wife be unfaithful

315
00:14:12,812 --> 00:14:15,606
if it's presented through the
lens of "living her truth."

316
00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:18,443
Wow. My memory of what
Cleveland said is right.

317
00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:19,902
No, it's really me.

318
00:14:19,986 --> 00:14:21,821
Meg pays for the NHL package,

319
00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:25,116
so I come over here to watch
and drink full-sugar cola.

320
00:14:25,199 --> 00:14:28,036
Don't tell Donna about the
full-sugar cola, though.

321
00:14:28,119 --> 00:14:29,746
That's not her truth.

322
00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:35,418
What a mess.

323
00:14:35,501 --> 00:14:37,962
You can just tell these eggs
weren't scrambled by a woman

324
00:14:38,046 --> 00:14:40,715
doing a thousand-yard stare
out the kitchen window.

325
00:14:40,798 --> 00:14:43,176
Agreed, a bit low on malaise.

326
00:14:43,259 --> 00:14:44,260
This is ridiculous.

327
00:14:44,343 --> 00:14:47,472
Peter, are you seriously just gonna let
your wife run off with someone else?

328
00:14:47,555 --> 00:14:48,848
What choice do I have?

329
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:51,893
Listen, I know our fans on
TikTok aren't gonna like this,

330
00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:54,145
but cheating with a
woman is still cheating.

331
00:14:54,228 --> 00:14:56,064
In fact, it's sexist
to think that it isn't.

332
00:14:56,147 --> 00:14:57,190
Sorry, I said it.

333
00:14:57,273 --> 00:14:59,358
Oh, no! Brian's
getting canceled.

334
00:14:59,442 --> 00:15:01,319
Wait, I take it back.
The future is female.

335
00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:03,196
One podcast is totally enough

336
00:15:03,279 --> 00:15:05,865
to call yourself a comedian
in your Twitter profile.

337
00:15:06,824 --> 00:15:09,660
Look, Dad. What Brian
can't say, but I can,

338
00:15:09,744 --> 00:15:11,871
is that you can still
fight for your marriage.

339
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:14,707
You're allowed to tell your
wife that you care about her.

340
00:15:14,791 --> 00:15:15,917
You're right.

341
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,836
I'm calling Joe, and we
are getting our wives back.

342
00:15:20,588 --> 00:15:21,631
We're sorry.

343
00:15:21,714 --> 00:15:25,051
The Cricket Wireless subscriber you
are trying to reach is unavailable.

344
00:15:25,134 --> 00:15:27,011
Try yelling their
name out the window.

345
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:28,930
Joe!

346
00:15:29,013 --> 00:15:30,056
Hey there, Peter.

347
00:15:30,139 --> 00:15:31,599
What's with the
Cricket Wireless?

348
00:15:31,682 --> 00:15:33,434
Well, they had a DJ
in the parking lot,

349
00:15:33,518 --> 00:15:37,480
so let's just say I uptown funked
my way into a great family plan.

350
00:15:37,563 --> 00:15:39,607
Listen, I think we need
to go find Bonnie and Lois

351
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:40,691
before it's too late.

352
00:15:40,775 --> 00:15:41,943
Yeah, I think so, too.

353
00:15:42,026 --> 00:15:45,196
I can't take much more of Cleveland
and Donna's suspicious looks.

354
00:15:46,781 --> 00:15:49,450
You said Bonnie and Lois
were at church today,

355
00:15:49,534 --> 00:15:51,953
but we were at church,
and they weren't there.

356
00:15:52,036 --> 00:15:54,163
That's because they
were at Super Church.

357
00:15:54,247 --> 00:15:57,583
Long as they aren't taking
a secret lesbian holiday.

358
00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:59,585
Mm-hmm. Long as that.

359
00:16:03,965 --> 00:16:06,425
Wow. This hotel is great.

360
00:16:06,509 --> 00:16:09,637
I've never seen so many women
printing out Tori Amos tickets

361
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,013
in a business center.

362
00:16:11,556 --> 00:16:13,683
Look, they even have
an open mic night

363
00:16:13,766 --> 00:16:16,102
for whichever one of you
two is the funny one.

364
00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:17,812
- That's me.
- Oh.

365
00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:21,649
I guess that makes me the one
that obsesses over fake illnesses.

366
00:16:21,732 --> 00:16:23,401
Anyway, I gotta sit down.

367
00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:25,903
My knee is doing that
milky thing again.

368
00:16:25,987 --> 00:16:27,071
Yeah, sure it is.

369
00:16:27,155 --> 00:16:29,949
Anyway, I'm just glad
we finally made it.

370
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,951
Now that we're here,
do you want to have sex

371
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,494
or complain about the room?

372
00:16:33,578 --> 00:16:36,122
What? Complain about this room?

373
00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:38,207
What's there even
to complain about?

374
00:16:38,291 --> 00:16:41,669
We have a nice queen-size bed,
which honestly should be a king.

375
00:16:41,752 --> 00:16:43,004
But look at the view.

376
00:16:43,087 --> 00:16:46,257
I mean, do I think their nicest
room should be facing north?

377
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:48,176
No, but there's a closet.

378
00:16:49,010 --> 00:16:50,011
Well.

379
00:16:50,094 --> 00:16:53,222
It's a space with six hangers, so
I'm guessing that's what it is.

380
00:16:53,306 --> 00:16:56,350
Although, not seeing
any hangers with clips.

381
00:16:56,434 --> 00:16:59,562
So I guess they think nobody
wears skirts or pants.

382
00:16:59,645 --> 00:17:01,731
You know what? I'm
calling the front desk.

383
00:17:04,817 --> 00:17:06,819
How long before we
get to Munchruggit?

384
00:17:06,903 --> 00:17:08,571
GPS says it takes two hours.

385
00:17:10,156 --> 00:17:13,075
Oh, my God, Joe, you just got
an OpenTable notification.

386
00:17:13,159 --> 00:17:16,287
It looks like Bonnie and Lois are
going out to a romantic dinner.

387
00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:18,247
- Step on it.
- It's a Kia Sorento.

388
00:17:18,331 --> 00:17:20,208
This is as fast as it goes.

389
00:17:20,291 --> 00:17:21,709
You got to get
rid of this thing.

390
00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:24,212
Yep, 91 more payments
and I'm free.

391
00:17:24,295 --> 00:17:27,965
I need to stop signing contracts
from DJs in parking lots.

392
00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:34,931
Well, I think we should
start with whichever dish

393
00:17:35,014 --> 00:17:38,184
won't cause your speculative
GI issues to flare up,

394
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:40,353
since we're gonna
be intimate later.

395
00:17:40,436 --> 00:17:42,647
Or we could just lean into it.

396
00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:45,274
Wha... What? No!

397
00:17:45,358 --> 00:17:46,359
Wait. What do you mean?

398
00:17:46,442 --> 00:17:48,069
Ladies, what can I get you?

399
00:17:48,152 --> 00:17:50,905
Hi. My friend has
dietary restrictions,

400
00:17:50,988 --> 00:17:52,740
so we have five
minutes of questions

401
00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:55,576
before we ultimately order
something not on the menu.

402
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:57,578
Do you have any
chicken that's a fish?

403
00:17:57,662 --> 00:17:59,789
I'm gonna go check
with the kitchen,

404
00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:02,333
and I'm definitely not
gonna just quit on the spot.

405
00:18:04,710 --> 00:18:07,004
Hi. We're two husbands
trying to get our wives

406
00:18:07,088 --> 00:18:08,714
to stop running away
with each other.

407
00:18:08,798 --> 00:18:10,299
Oh, well, there's
a wait right now,

408
00:18:10,383 --> 00:18:12,468
but if you'd like to stand
with the other husbands,

409
00:18:12,552 --> 00:18:14,345
we'll get you when
your table's ready.

410
00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:16,806
Hi there. We were just
discussing World War I.

411
00:18:16,889 --> 00:18:18,975
Don't you mean "The Great War"?

412
00:18:19,058 --> 00:18:21,435
All right, get in here, you.

413
00:18:21,519 --> 00:18:23,479
You're gonna do just fine here.

414
00:18:26,399 --> 00:18:27,483
There they are, Joe.

415
00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:29,485
Look at them in there,
enjoying themselves.

416
00:18:29,569 --> 00:18:31,696
Used to be sexually
unsatisfied women

417
00:18:31,779 --> 00:18:35,199
who would just funnel all their anger
into putting seashells all over the house.

418
00:18:35,283 --> 00:18:36,826
They do look really happy.

419
00:18:36,909 --> 00:18:40,204
Yeah. Lois hasn't looked
that happy with me in years.

420
00:18:42,790 --> 00:18:45,084
What if Cleveland was right?

421
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,336
We can't stop our
wives from being happy.

422
00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:48,462
I love Lois,

423
00:18:48,546 --> 00:18:50,840
and she deserves to be with
someone she loves, too.

424
00:18:50,923 --> 00:18:52,174
Even if it isn't me.

425
00:18:52,258 --> 00:18:54,468
I guess we just ought
to go home, then.

426
00:18:54,552 --> 00:18:55,970
I guess so.

427
00:18:56,053 --> 00:18:57,972
Why don't we try to
pee-pee before we leave,

428
00:18:58,055 --> 00:18:59,265
and then we'll get out of here.

429
00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:00,391
I don't have to pee-pee.

430
00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:03,227
Why don't we try to pee-pee?

431
00:19:08,691 --> 00:19:10,067
Are you ready?

432
00:19:10,151 --> 00:19:14,155
I feel like my stomach is being
ripped to shreds by tikka masala.

433
00:19:14,238 --> 00:19:17,283
But sure, let's roll the dice.

434
00:19:26,292 --> 00:19:29,003
Wow. I can't believe
I didn't stop Lois

435
00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:31,797
from doing the thing I've spent
20 years begging her to do.

436
00:19:31,881 --> 00:19:33,341
Look, I didn't want
to bring this up,

437
00:19:33,424 --> 00:19:35,843
but I did do an Internet search,

438
00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:37,678
and it said that
in this scenario,

439
00:19:37,762 --> 00:19:39,639
the only right response

440
00:19:39,722 --> 00:19:43,059
is for the husbands to give the
wives a taste of their own medicine.

441
00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:45,353
And this was a pornographic...

442
00:19:45,436 --> 00:19:47,813
This was a very convincing
pornographic video, yes.

443
00:19:52,777 --> 00:19:56,030
Well, now we have a
problem and a secret.

444
00:20:01,118 --> 00:20:03,412
Ah, I'm so happy
to be back home,

445
00:20:03,496 --> 00:20:06,165
and I brought everyone
lots of seashells.

446
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,042
That's gonna be my new thing.

447
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:10,753
Putting seashells
everywhere you can imagine.

448
00:20:10,836 --> 00:20:12,505
So, how was it,
being with Bonnie?

449
00:20:12,588 --> 00:20:13,589
Well...

450
00:20:17,051 --> 00:20:20,346
You know how Wendy's fish filet
looks really good in the commercial,

451
00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:22,640
and then you go to Wendy's
and you open up the bread,

452
00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:26,018
and you can't really tell what the
different parts of the sandwich are,

453
00:20:26,102 --> 00:20:27,937
and then you don't
even want it anymore?

454
00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:29,146
What are you saying, Lois?

455
00:20:29,230 --> 00:20:30,731
You didn't actually cheat on me?

456
00:20:30,815 --> 00:20:32,650
Of course not, Peter.

457
00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:36,487
And to think you almost had a hall
pass to sleep with one of your friends.

458
00:20:36,570 --> 00:20:38,364
Imagine that!

459
00:20:44,537 --> 00:20:47,748
Oh, man, that is... that is...
Yeah, that is... That is hilarious.

460
00:20:49,542 --> 00:20:50,626
The trip is off.

461
00:20:50,710 --> 00:20:52,545
And did you ever
find my Minion sock?

462
00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:54,672
I told you to call
the hotel, Peter.

463
00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:57,133
I can't. I forgot
which fake name I used.

464
00:20:57,216 --> 00:20:58,259
Hey, Todd.

465
00:20:58,342 --> 00:21:01,637
Did Wade Boggs check out?
He forgot his Minion sock.