1 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,912 Stewie Griffin, come on down! 2 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,838 You're the next contestant on The Price is Right! 3 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,049 Turn that show off. 4 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:50,509 Whoa, what's your problem, bud? 5 00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:51,844 You got a problem with Right? 6 00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:53,345 First of all, nobody calls it that. 7 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:56,056 Second of all, yes, I have a problem with The Price is Right. 8 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:58,308 For 35 years, the host of that show 9 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,227 told everyone to cut our marbles off. 10 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,687 "Barker" my ass. 11 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,981 C'mon, Bri. Drew Carey is the host now, 12 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,191 and he bought the writers lunch during the strike, 13 00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:08,360 so we're not gonna tell jokes about him, per se. 14 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,237 - We're not gonna talk about his weight? - Nope. 15 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,323 How about that he seems constitutionally unable to open his eyes fully? 16 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,075 That, too, is off limits. 17 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,577 So, then we won't say that he looks like 18 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,704 SNL motivational speaker Matt Foley 19 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,497 who started Ozempic and then gave up? 20 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,082 Nope. Not on this program. 21 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,793 The Price is Right is coming to New York! 22 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:26,420 Visit our website for more information 23 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:27,838 on how to be a contestant. 24 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:28,922 Brian, did you hear that? 25 00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:30,007 Let's go! 26 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,091 What? No way. 27 00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:33,093 C'mon, we could be there and back in a day! 28 00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,053 I didn't ask you 29 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,847 because you said you hate New York. 30 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,141 His mom's got Covid, so he's a little on edge. 31 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,684 Oh, it's like the most mild case. 32 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:41,935 Anyway, New York! 33 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,108 Since the beer's expired, 34 00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:49,443 I need you to sign this waiver 35 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:52,154 saying that if anything happens, it's not my fault. 36 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,573 I'm just gonna write "Peter." 37 00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:59,036 I don't know how to do a autograph yet. 38 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,329 Oh, man, this is awesome! 39 00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,039 We're gonna get so trashed tonight! 40 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,790 Yeah, let's rip it up! 41 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,211 Ah, nothin' hits the spot like a warm 42 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,046 dust-covered can of beer. 43 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,173 All right, Cleveland, you can do it. 44 00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:12,967 You can tell them that you promised your wife 45 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,384 you're not drinking this month. 46 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,887 They're your friends, and they'll respect your decision 47 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,639 to honor a marital request. 48 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:19,723 And if not, 49 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,392 you're a grown man and don't need their approval anyway. 50 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,311 - Beer? - Hell yeah! 51 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,772 Hard alcohol was the main problem, anyway. 52 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,941 You'll at least take a month off from that. 53 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:30,234 - Shots? - I'm down! 54 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:41,454 What are you wearing that for? 55 00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,372 Ups my chances of getting on the stage. 56 00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:45,332 They love military people. 57 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,834 Thank you so much for your service. 58 00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:47,918 Oh, yeah, you bet. 59 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,878 - Semper fi. - Oh, okay. 60 00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:53,048 Look at all these slobs trying to get free crap. 61 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,759 I don't feel bad for tricking those people. 62 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,093 They can get on another show, 63 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,637 like Very Greased Wheel of Fortune. 64 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,556 All right, David, you're up. 65 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:08,605 Keep clapping! 66 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,369 He... hello? 67 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,205 Non-stop Providence to Charlotte? 68 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,292 Yeah, tell traffic control I'll be there. 69 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,003 Hey, can you send a car? I... I don't think I can drive. 70 00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:33,922 God, I must've passed out. 71 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:37,050 Hey, you've got some kind of drawing on your face. 72 00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:39,678 Is it a dong? 73 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,763 Quagmire always frickin' dongs me. 74 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:44,349 No, it's like a hand twirling a fancy mustache... 75 00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:45,934 Wait, don't rub that off! 76 00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:48,270 Peter, I think that might be a Banksy! 77 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,980 - A what? - A Banksy! 78 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:53,859 He's this world-famous artist that keeps his identity a secret. 79 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,027 Why would he do that? 80 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,320 'Cause, you know how whenever you see 81 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,572 a famous modern artist walking down the street, 82 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,866 you're like, "Hey, there's that famous modern artist, 83 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,911 and I got all types of inquiries about modern art." 84 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,412 Banksy's just a regular guy. 85 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,706 His wife puts his pants on one leg at a time, 86 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:08,957 just like you and me. 87 00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:11,293 Well, I better get home, wash this thing off my face. 88 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,503 Don't wash it off! 89 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,379 It's probably worth a lot of money. 90 00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:17,132 Cleveland Brown, you get your butt home right now! 91 00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:20,260 Donna, I... I think somebody spiked my O'Doul's! 92 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,352 I can't believe we're actually here! 93 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,439 Hey... hey, what do you think the caption should be? 94 00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:32,814 "So... this happened," 95 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,733 or "Scorchin' it!"? 96 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,902 Yeah, "Scorchin' it!" is kinda Joe's thing. 97 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,529 That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. 98 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,781 Like I sit around and try to copy Joe. 99 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,491 You got "Rip it up" from Joe. 100 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,076 I did get "Rip it up" from Joe. 101 00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:45,911 Is he a gigantic influence on me? 102 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,079 Do I love Joe? 103 00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:49,039 God, look at all these shrieking idiots. 104 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,750 How empty are their lives if this gets them that excited? 105 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:54,211 Our next contestant on The Price is Right is 106 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,629 Brian Griffin. 107 00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,047 Come on down! 108 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,049 Aah! It's me... it's me! 109 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,969 What the hell! I served in Iraq or... or whatever. 110 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,387 That's me! They called my name! 111 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:04,471 Zoomies! 112 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,520 Joke's on him, he won't know any of this stuff. 113 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,188 Okay, welcome up, Brian. 114 00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:16,233 George, tell us about our next item up for bids. 115 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:20,404 It's a brand-new day bed for the modern writer dog! 116 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,197 Cut his marbles off, Drew! 117 00:05:22,281 --> 00:05:23,824 Mary, why don't you get us started? 118 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,702 Uh, I've never heard of such a thing. I don't know, um, 119 00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:29,413 $6,000? 120 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,248 I, too, have never heard of such a thing. 121 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,041 $12? 122 00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:36,170 $6,001. 123 00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,964 $289.99, Drew. 124 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,340 Actual retail price... 125 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,093 $289.99. 126 00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:44,386 Brian, you're the winner! 127 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,015 An exact bid! 128 00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,099 Brian's a legend! 129 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:50,392 Oh, I'm back on board! 130 00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:54,062 That means, Brian, you'll be in today's "Showcase Showdown." 131 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,358 And jealous Stewie is back. 132 00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,860 Is it weird watching this show 133 00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:02,237 while you're not ironing, you wretched hag? 134 00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:04,001 Sorry, I'm... I'm mad about something else. 135 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,120 Brian, the actual retail price of your showcase is... 136 00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,789 $29,232. 137 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,249 That means, Brian Griffin, 138 00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,126 you've won today's "Showcase Showdown"! 139 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,419 I won a boat! 140 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,546 Congratulations, Brian. 141 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,256 Anyone you want to say hi to out there? 142 00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:24,259 There sure is. I wanna say hi to my best bud, Stewie. 143 00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:25,344 Aww. 144 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:26,428 Stewie Grimaldi. 145 00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:27,638 What? 146 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,723 Hey, Ma, Brian just mentioned me! 147 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,725 What's he wanna mention you for? 148 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:32,809 Ma! 149 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:39,358 Look at this guy! 150 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,442 Scorchin' it! 151 00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:43,654 She's a beaut, Brian. What kinda fuel you puttin' in this puppy? 152 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,572 Um... boat fuel? 153 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:48,200 Yup, that's just about my knowledge of boats, too. 154 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,285 Got a lot of great memories on boats. 155 00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:53,872 Would you like to hear about each one, Brian? 156 00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:56,416 Oh, you know, I would, but, I... it's just, I got... 157 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,418 I got a lot of boat stuff I gotta do. 158 00:06:58,502 --> 00:06:59,503 Oh, sure. Yeah. 159 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,421 Sure, sure, yeah, I bet. 160 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:08,220 Cleaning lady's at the house, and I'm not sure what to do. 161 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,306 That should have been my boat. 162 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:12,391 Fine, Rupert. 163 00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,726 I feel that should've been my boat. 164 00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:16,687 See, I can weaponize therapy, too. 165 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,650 Good evening. Our top story, 166 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:24,820 attractive field reporter returns from maternity leave. 167 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,405 Let's see if she snapped back. 168 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:29,283 Thanks, Tom. Tensions rise on the Senate floor, as... 169 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:30,367 Not bad. 170 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,618 Not great, but not bad. 171 00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:33,871 In other news, Quahog resident Peter Griffin 172 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,416 awoke to find an original Banksy drawn onto his face. 173 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,544 The artist shared a photo of the piece on his Instagram this morning, 174 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:41,628 claiming authorship. 175 00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:44,590 What was your reaction when you found out it was a Banksy? 176 00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:47,926 Well, in my day, graffiti wasn't street art, it was a crime. 177 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:49,261 And these lawless thugs... 178 00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,138 This isn't the Fox News interview. 179 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,848 Oh, well, then I thought it was neat. 180 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,850 Art is important and I like pictures. 181 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,562 - Peter Griffin? - Yeah? 182 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,732 I'm the curator for the Quahog Urban Museum. 183 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,693 Oh, I love the QUM! 184 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,612 Thank you, we always enjoy hearing that. 185 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:09,698 Listen, it's not often that a museum gets to display a Banksy. 186 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:12,451 We'd love for you to come be an exhibit at the museum. 187 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,619 Wow, me? 188 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:14,703 At a museum? 189 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,288 Free lunches? Tons of chicks? 190 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:19,166 An assistant to fetch the lunches and bring the chick tons? 191 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,502 We'll be in touch with all the details. Good day. 192 00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:24,296 Why didn't you introduce us to him? 193 00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,672 Chris, bite your strap! 194 00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:32,221 Peter, are you sure about this museum business? 195 00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:33,472 What about your job? 196 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:34,765 I know this is hard, Lois, 197 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,684 but this is what we've always talked about since this morning. 198 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,019 - But Peter... - Look, Lois, 199 00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:40,729 I'm never gonna be able to say this right. 200 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:41,813 But you know who will? 201 00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:43,941 Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights. 202 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,651 Lois, let me tell you somethin'. 203 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:50,197 I am clearly the worst first half coach in the history of high-school football, 204 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,659 and that enables me to make halftime speeches like this. 205 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:54,743 Now, Lois, 206 00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,578 this ain't just about football. 207 00:08:57,079 --> 00:08:59,290 Peter's not the brightest, and he ain't the best lookin'. 208 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,376 Heck, I don't even know how he gets his shoes on in the morning. 209 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:05,754 But a guy drew on his face, and that means somethin'. 210 00:09:05,838 --> 00:09:08,799 Now let's get out there and show this tiny Texas town 211 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,218 what big-city modern art is all about! 212 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,303 Let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go! 213 00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:24,523 Gentlemen, you are all here because you want to get your boat license. 214 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:25,816 By the end of this course, 215 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,236 you will be able to take a sip from a Bud Light can with one hand 216 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:31,822 and push a lever forward with the other. 217 00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:35,701 Between the can and the lever, how are we supposed to smoke a cigarette? 218 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,536 Sir, it's a three-hour course. 219 00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,162 Let's not get ahead of ourselves. 220 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,664 Now, let's do a little role-playing. 221 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,082 Brian, come on up here. 222 00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:44,168 Now, pretend I'm the Coast Guard 223 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,669 and I've just flagged you down. 224 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,963 "Sir, how many drinks have you had today?" 225 00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:49,756 Uh, I don't know, one or two. 226 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,134 We got a pro here! 227 00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:53,635 You see what Brian did there? 228 00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:54,720 He kept his cool, 229 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,263 avoided eye contact, 230 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,431 and he lied. 231 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,099 Great job, Brian! 232 00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:00,434 Now, let's see here. 233 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:03,979 I'm assuming you've all had your mandatory three-way... da-da-da. 234 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,480 Tank tops are optional. 235 00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:06,565 Welp, that's it! 236 00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:11,069 Just make sure you all download Rascal Flatts' greatest hits, 237 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:13,238 and I will see you out on the water! 238 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,288 Okay. 239 00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:25,000 Mornin', everyone. 240 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:27,920 Oh, look at this, the family all gathered around the galley. 241 00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:30,839 Okay. 242 00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:33,050 Anyone happen to catch the dew point this morning? 243 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,885 It's super-important that I know that now. 244 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:39,473 A pal of mine up in Gloucester says they were seeing 3-foot swells. 245 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,642 I'll tell ya, that'll make you blow your groceries, boy! 246 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,898 So, you're diggin' the boat life, huh? 247 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,905 You ever gonna get this thing on the water? 248 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:55,989 "On the water." 249 00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:57,074 I love... 250 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,785 I love how you land-walkers talk about Big Blue. 251 00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,704 You know, I've gotta say, you changed your attitude 252 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,121 pretty quickly about this boat. 253 00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,540 - What do you mean? - You don't remember 254 00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:05,624 knocking The Price is Right 255 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:09,044 as a consumerist ploy targeting the idiot minds of America? 256 00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:10,712 Nah, brah, I've just been chillin'. 257 00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:12,214 You are such a hypocrite! 258 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,132 You pretend to have a social conscience, 259 00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,802 but in the end, you're just an opportunistic piece of crap! 260 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,346 Oh, yeah? Would an opportunistic piece of crap 261 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,139 call his boat this? 262 00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,518 Wow! You're totally just virtue signaling! 263 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,061 You put a pun on the back of a boat 264 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:28,272 and suddenly you're an ally to women everywhere? 265 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,566 And what are you doing for humanity today? 266 00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:33,026 You really are the worst kind of person, Brian. 267 00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:36,238 Well, except a person you work with that just had surgery. 268 00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:43,370 Ah, you looked at it, now we have to talk about it! 269 00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:54,840 And, of course, the last stop on the tour is our newest exhibit... 270 00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:56,008 the Banksy. 271 00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,092 As you can see, 272 00:11:57,176 --> 00:12:00,679 the beauty of the image juxtaposed against the grotesque body 273 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:04,892 is representative of the incoherence of art itself. 274 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:09,062 Is the Charleston Chew in his pocket part of the art? 275 00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,439 No, he shouldn't have that! 276 00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:11,815 Aw! 277 00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:15,277 All right, guys, no more orgasm sounds when you see naked paintings. 278 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,821 Let's try to focus on the brush strokes. 279 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,741 Oh, my God, this is so embarrassing! 280 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:21,825 It's fine, Chris. 281 00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:24,328 A lot of kids your age have visible panty lines. 282 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,039 No, VPL is part of my ensemble. 283 00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,041 I'm talking about my dad! 284 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,543 Dad, do you have to be here? 285 00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:33,712 Can't you go to the bathroom or something? 286 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,797 Nah, if I gotta go, they put a black tent over me 287 00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:37,382 like if they gotta shoot a horse. 288 00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,468 Is everything all right over here? 289 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:41,595 - Yeah, I'm just talking to my son. - Oh! 290 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,555 I thought it was a big woman from behind. 291 00:12:43,639 --> 00:12:45,182 Excuse me? 292 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:49,186 Listen, there's been a lot of interest in the piece from private investors. 293 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,938 I'm Chris, by the way. 294 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:53,023 Would you ever consider going up for auction? 295 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,233 How would that even work? 296 00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:56,485 Well, the winner would have you go and exist 297 00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:57,820 as part of their private collection. 298 00:12:57,903 --> 00:13:00,906 You would be sort of a "living art." 299 00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,492 There would be a lot of money in it for you. 300 00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:05,744 I've seen these things go for millions. 301 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:06,954 Millions, huh? 302 00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,748 Well, with that kind of dough, I could finally be my own boss! 303 00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:12,376 Oh, God, the boss is coming. 304 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,460 Hey, Peter. 305 00:13:13,544 --> 00:13:15,504 I see you're wearing the pants I gave you. 306 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,172 - Yeah. - Good. 307 00:13:17,256 --> 00:13:18,382 Good, good, good, good, good. 308 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:21,468 Just so you know, you're doing all the right things. 309 00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:23,262 Hey, Peter. 310 00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,597 I see you're wearing the pants I gave you. 311 00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:27,641 Good, good, good, good, good. 312 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,856 All right, so what's this all about now? 313 00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:34,940 You called me out, 314 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,110 so now I'm gonna show you that I'm not just all talk. 315 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,611 - What are you saying? - I'm saying... 316 00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:42,030 I'm gonna take the Row V. Wade to Texas 317 00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,950 and bring back women who want to safely have abortions! 318 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,076 Well, that's great, Brian! 319 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,537 Maybe even Popeye will help us sail down there. 320 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,248 Life begins at conception. 321 00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:54,084 Not a choice, it's a child. 322 00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:55,669 Okay, I guess no Popeye. 323 00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:03,385 Wait a minute, Brian, this is insane! 324 00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:06,513 You really think you're going to rescue women who want to have abortions? 325 00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:07,639 Well, women or girls. 326 00:14:07,723 --> 00:14:08,807 It is Texas. 327 00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:11,226 All right, I gotta see what a disaster this becomes. 328 00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:12,394 I'm going with you. 329 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,355 Plus, it's supposed to be 75 today and I could use some color. 330 00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:18,108 So, you just assume this is going to be a disaster, huh? 331 00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:20,152 How... how come you never root for me to succeed? 332 00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:22,613 Because we're very good friends, Brian. 333 00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,574 Now come on, buddy, let's go see your thing turn to crud. 334 00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:32,873 Peter, you are not gonna auction yourself off, whatever that means! 335 00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:34,583 Don't you see, Lois? This is it! 336 00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:35,667 Our meal ticket! 337 00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:36,835 Peter, no! 338 00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:40,380 We need a present and attentive father for Chris, Meg, and Stewie, 339 00:14:40,464 --> 00:14:42,549 who I'm sure is in the house here somewhere 340 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,801 or at the very least certainly on dry land. 341 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:47,471 Look, I'm sure wherever I go, you guys can come visit. 342 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:48,680 Maybe even live there! 343 00:14:48,764 --> 00:14:50,098 I will think of you every day 344 00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,518 when I'm hanging on the wall of that probably Arab. 345 00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:53,769 Peter, I... 346 00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:55,145 I like our life! 347 00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:57,064 And, frankly, I want to see it go back 348 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:59,775 to the way it was before this stupid painting. 349 00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:00,943 "Stupid painting"? 350 00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:03,946 - Ugh, just so sad. - What? 351 00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:05,948 You've always been jealous of my success. 352 00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:07,032 What success? 353 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,325 Something happened to you! 354 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,743 And very recently! 355 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,078 I see what's going on. 356 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,539 This is because I had an emotional affair with my trainer. 357 00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:16,542 Peter, I'm the one who had an emotional affair with my trainer. 358 00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:19,253 You had a traumatic response and pretended it was you. 359 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:21,171 And you'll never forgive me for it, will you? 360 00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:30,597 All right, time to find us some preggos. 361 00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:32,850 That quote's going on the statue of you. 362 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:33,934 Pregnant? 363 00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,978 Abortion? Need an abortion? 364 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,021 I'm sorry, what did you say? 365 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,899 I'm offering safe refuge for anyone who wants an abortion. 366 00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:45,362 Oh, my God, I thought you said "Astros suck." 367 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,656 - Yeah, sure, I'll take an abortion! - Awesome! 368 00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:50,034 Do you know any other pregnant women who don't want to have a baby? 369 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:51,201 Oh, sure, lots. 370 00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:52,286 I'll go get 'em. 371 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,370 Great, just meet us here... 372 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,081 Ugh, here comes a sad, oil-covered bird. 373 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,543 Are y'all here for the Dawn dish soap commercial? 374 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,627 Uh, no. 375 00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:01,712 Oh. 376 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:04,089 Well, I'll be on my way then. 377 00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:08,010 Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. 378 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,473 Very small food? 379 00:16:13,557 --> 00:16:14,766 Do you have anything smaller? 380 00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:16,018 I'm very rich. 381 00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:18,228 All right, the next item up for bid 382 00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:20,355 is "A Change Perhaps..." 383 00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:21,940 By Banksy. 384 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,319 Hey, why does he have a Charleston Chew? 385 00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,002 You said we're not supposed to have them. 386 00:16:27,613 --> 00:16:28,614 Aw. 387 00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:31,033 Why don't we start the bidding at one million dollars? 388 00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:33,702 Okay, one million to James Bottomtooth. 389 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,916 Oh, I'm sorry, $1.5 million. 390 00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:41,001 I have 1.5, do I hear 2? 391 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,294 Two million? 392 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,756 Two million. Two and a half? 2.5... 3. 393 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,758 Three million, going once, going twice... 394 00:16:48,926 --> 00:16:50,802 Sol... 395 00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:07,236 You're not going anywhere! 396 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:10,864 If I have to live out this miserable life, I'm not doing it alone! 397 00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:12,783 It's ruined! 398 00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,493 She's ruined the Banksy! 399 00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:15,827 Arrest this woman! 400 00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:19,456 Wait! Banksy just posted something to his Instagram! 401 00:17:23,502 --> 00:17:24,503 Don't you see! 402 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,922 This is the art! Us! 403 00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:28,257 All of this! 404 00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:30,384 Banksy knew that this would happen? 405 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:34,930 Yes, he knew this man would abandon his family for the highest price! 406 00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:37,307 Brilliant! It's a comment on capitalism 407 00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:40,018 as a dividing force in marital relationships! 408 00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:43,105 I've actually got an art boner right now. 409 00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:45,774 Only happened one other time. 410 00:17:47,693 --> 00:17:49,444 Really, no follow-up questions? 411 00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:52,239 Art boner story going once, going twice... 412 00:17:53,282 --> 00:17:54,992 Aw, you people are no fun. 413 00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,702 Wait, am I still worth anything? 414 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:59,496 I suppose if someone wanted to pay for you, yes. 415 00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:02,541 Stop breathing so loud! 416 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:04,543 I can't hear what NCIS is saying. 417 00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,628 I don't think his name is NCIS. 418 00:18:06,712 --> 00:18:07,713 Shut up, art! 419 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,677 I didn't think about what it would be like to be on the ocean 420 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,387 with 12 pregnant women. 421 00:18:18,682 --> 00:18:20,559 Still waiting on my tomato juice! 422 00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:21,727 Right, yes, I'm on it. 423 00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,562 I'm very sensitive to smells. 424 00:18:23,645 --> 00:18:24,938 Could you turn that off? 425 00:18:25,022 --> 00:18:27,149 - The... the ocean? - Yeah. 426 00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:28,442 I'll see what I can do. 427 00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:31,653 My Lord, how did they get pregnant in the first place? 428 00:18:31,737 --> 00:18:33,363 Gimme a sec. I gotta ask Lois to look up 429 00:18:33,447 --> 00:18:35,282 where the abortion clinics are in Quahog. 430 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,118 - Hello? - Meg! 431 00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:40,162 Is your mom there? I... I need to ask her something. 432 00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:42,873 No, Dad got sold as a piece of art to Grandpa, 433 00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:44,499 so she's over there dealing with that. 434 00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:47,336 Oh. Peter got sold as a piece of art this week. 435 00:18:47,419 --> 00:18:49,755 Okay, so we're definitely the A-story. 436 00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:52,049 Listen, Stewie and I are on the Row V. Wade, 437 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:55,135 smuggling pregnant women from Texas to get abortions in Rhode Island. 438 00:18:55,219 --> 00:18:56,428 Oh! 439 00:18:56,512 --> 00:19:00,015 Brian and Stewie are bringing pregnant women back from Texas to get abortions. 440 00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:03,769 Oh, then our babysitting business is definitely the A-story. 441 00:19:03,852 --> 00:19:05,813 Can you look up where all the abortion clinics are? 442 00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:06,897 Oh, I got you. 443 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,649 There's two or three on Route 6, 444 00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:11,360 one on Westbridge, and there's one in Smithfield 445 00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:13,195 that has a great Nespresso machine. 446 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:14,738 You could try the Bargain 'Borts, 447 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,240 but the bathrooms are gross. 448 00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:17,407 Great, thank you, Meg! 449 00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:20,244 Oh, by the way, Brian, you got a call from the IRS. 450 00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:23,580 Apparently you owe $40,000 in taxes on the boat. 451 00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:24,790 - What? - Yeah. 452 00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:27,209 Game show prizes have to be declared as income. 453 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:30,796 This unknown rule has destroyed a lot of middle American lives. 454 00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:32,089 Ugh, all right, thanks. 455 00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:35,008 Where the hell am I gonna get $40,000? 456 00:19:35,092 --> 00:19:36,927 You want me to start dancing again, hey? 457 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,012 - Get Stewie back up on the pole? - What? 458 00:19:39,096 --> 00:19:41,432 No, that would never be a thought that would enter into my mind. 459 00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:43,225 Coulda said, "Thanks for the offer." 460 00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,143 You know, there's a law in Texas 461 00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:47,771 that if you turn in someone who's trying to get an abortion, 462 00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:49,189 they give you 10 grand. 463 00:19:49,273 --> 00:19:51,191 You're an absolute monster. 464 00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,360 - What do we got, 12 of them? - Yup. 465 00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,070 We turn in four, pay the taxes, 466 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:57,573 boat's ours, and we've still helped eight women. 467 00:19:57,656 --> 00:19:58,657 Right. 468 00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,033 - What? - I don't know. 469 00:20:00,117 --> 00:20:02,870 Might be nice to have an extra 10k lying around. 470 00:20:02,953 --> 00:20:04,913 All right, we turn in five, help seven, 471 00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:06,790 still a pretty great thing we did. 472 00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:07,875 So, who do we turn in? 473 00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:09,585 I mean, Gina's been horrible. 474 00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:10,669 Yup, Gina's gone. 475 00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:13,755 You know, Stacy snapped at me when I asked her to take off her shoes. 476 00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:16,466 - Buh-bye. - Sarah told me I have a "girl shirt," 477 00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:17,968 so I'd rather never see her again. 478 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,052 Good enough for me. 479 00:20:19,136 --> 00:20:21,514 Wait... wait a second. Let's be clear about what we're doing here. 480 00:20:21,597 --> 00:20:24,641 We're talking about potentially having taken these women to get abortions 481 00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:26,435 and then turning them in for bounties. 482 00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:29,518 I mean, are we actually the kind of people who would do something like that? 483 00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:32,441 Leanne "shushed" me. 484 00:20:37,988 --> 00:20:41,450 Well, I gotta say, I'm glad everything's back to normal. 485 00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:44,119 Yeah, I just wish I closed my eyes when you threw the paint. 486 00:20:44,203 --> 00:20:46,538 I feel like I'd rather smell than see anyway. 487 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:48,957 Chris, go wash your feet. 488 00:20:49,041 --> 00:20:51,919 And I think you and I learned a valuable lesson this week. 489 00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:53,629 Oh, yeah. Never get a boat. 490 00:20:57,216 --> 00:20:59,092 And... and the bounty thing.