1 00:01:06,527 --> 00:01:08,946 It's awful, just awful. 2 00:01:11,657 --> 00:01:14,325 I got these for free and I put in prescription lenses. 3 00:01:14,326 --> 00:01:15,701 Okay, let's go crowd the gate 4 00:01:15,702 --> 00:01:17,287 even though we're in group R. 5 00:01:30,509 --> 00:01:32,718 Man, Bermuda is beautiful, isn't it? 6 00:01:32,719 --> 00:01:36,347 You bet. And now I can cross another place off my Kokomo bucket list. 7 00:01:36,348 --> 00:01:37,431 What's that? 8 00:01:37,432 --> 00:01:39,559 Oh, I sorta used the lyrics to Kokomo 9 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,478 as my life's itinerary. I don't have a travel agent. 10 00:01:42,479 --> 00:01:44,564 - I just have Kokomo. - Mmm. 11 00:01:44,565 --> 00:01:47,775 I do recall your trips to Aruba and Montego. 12 00:01:47,776 --> 00:01:49,569 Yep, and now Bermuda, 13 00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:51,362 uh, I did Benihana... 14 00:01:51,363 --> 00:01:53,239 - It's not "Benihana." - Sure is. 15 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:54,532 It's the cheapest one, honestly. 16 00:01:54,533 --> 00:01:57,410 Boy, I can't wait till we can finally go to Kokomo. 17 00:01:57,411 --> 00:01:58,870 Kokomo isn't real, Joe. 18 00:01:58,871 --> 00:02:00,663 It's a common misconception. 19 00:02:00,664 --> 00:02:03,708 If you go to all the others, you unlock Kokomo. 20 00:02:03,709 --> 00:02:05,334 Only thing about Kokomo, though, 21 00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:07,503 is you can check out any time you like... 22 00:02:07,504 --> 00:02:08,963 but you can never leave. 23 00:02:08,964 --> 00:02:10,466 That's something else entirely! 24 00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:20,391 Welcome to the White Lotus Bermuda! 25 00:02:20,392 --> 00:02:22,518 Named after the sports car, not the flower. 26 00:02:22,519 --> 00:02:25,605 Wow, Brian, you look so handsome in that suit! 27 00:02:25,606 --> 00:02:26,981 And I can't believe they already 28 00:02:26,982 --> 00:02:28,399 promoted you to manager! 29 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,611 Honestly, Lois, working here has been just the change I needed. 30 00:02:31,612 --> 00:02:33,154 I made the choice to sober up 31 00:02:33,155 --> 00:02:34,906 and start a new clean life. 32 00:02:34,907 --> 00:02:36,616 Me and Jeffrey can't believe 33 00:02:36,617 --> 00:02:39,452 we's finally in the Bermuda Guy-Angle, 34 00:02:39,453 --> 00:02:41,496 where we hear lots of handsome men 35 00:02:41,497 --> 00:02:44,332 have mysteriously gone down over the years. 36 00:02:44,333 --> 00:02:46,877 This is already a good trip. 37 00:02:47,419 --> 00:02:50,047 For a grand a night, that should really be an iPad. 38 00:02:57,679 --> 00:02:59,555 Wow, look at this room! 39 00:02:59,556 --> 00:03:01,724 And what a beautiful painting! 40 00:03:01,725 --> 00:03:04,185 Ah, yes. By a talented local artist. 41 00:03:04,186 --> 00:03:06,270 It depicts the legend of a fat husband 42 00:03:06,271 --> 00:03:07,605 who ignored his wife, 43 00:03:07,606 --> 00:03:08,731 so she beheaded him 44 00:03:08,732 --> 00:03:10,233 and had sex with his best friend, 45 00:03:10,234 --> 00:03:11,984 who was a regional airline pilot. 46 00:03:11,985 --> 00:03:13,569 Man, I just don't get art. 47 00:03:13,570 --> 00:03:15,154 Yeah, great, can we just get to my room? 48 00:03:15,155 --> 00:03:17,574 I've been holding in a dump since America. 49 00:03:18,325 --> 00:03:19,951 Look at us, Peter, huh? 50 00:03:19,952 --> 00:03:22,371 Finally on a romantic vacation together! 51 00:03:22,496 --> 00:03:26,249 Ooh, you know what? Let's have crazy vacation sex, 52 00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:28,918 right here, right now! 53 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:30,294 Eh, I dunno, maybe later. 54 00:03:30,295 --> 00:03:33,422 I mean, you know my kryptonite is drapes that can open by a button. 55 00:03:33,423 --> 00:03:34,590 Pick your poison, Lois. 56 00:03:34,591 --> 00:03:37,135 Just the sheers? Full blackout? Or... 57 00:03:37,136 --> 00:03:38,511 Uh, I think I broke it. 58 00:03:38,512 --> 00:03:40,972 Forget it. I'll be at the pool. 59 00:03:40,973 --> 00:03:42,181 Okay, I'll meet you down there. 60 00:03:42,182 --> 00:03:45,519 I need 20 minutes for those red lines from my socks to smooth out. 61 00:03:50,399 --> 00:03:51,941 Oh, Brian, I'm so glad you're here. 62 00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:53,067 I never do this, 63 00:03:53,068 --> 00:03:54,735 but one of the bellhops yelled at me 64 00:03:54,736 --> 00:03:56,237 when I was playing on the baggage cart 65 00:03:56,238 --> 00:03:57,405 and I want him fired. 66 00:03:57,406 --> 00:03:58,990 Stewie, he has three children. 67 00:03:58,991 --> 00:04:01,450 Yeah, again, I never do this... 68 00:04:01,451 --> 00:04:02,618 Why are you dressed like that? 69 00:04:02,619 --> 00:04:05,204 Oh, when I go on vacation, I like to spice things up 70 00:04:05,205 --> 00:04:08,583 by adopting a travel persona named "Desmond Voyage." 71 00:04:08,584 --> 00:04:10,334 Oh, and one other teensy thing, 72 00:04:10,335 --> 00:04:13,337 I actually specifically requested an ocean-view room. 73 00:04:13,338 --> 00:04:14,881 You have an ocean-view room. 74 00:04:14,882 --> 00:04:17,467 Eh, technically, I'm looking out onto a bay. 75 00:04:17,468 --> 00:04:18,551 It's water. 76 00:04:18,552 --> 00:04:21,220 Yeah, a bay is actually a curvature in the shoreline 77 00:04:21,221 --> 00:04:22,555 that creates an inlet. 78 00:04:22,556 --> 00:04:24,348 I don't want to have to look at any land. 79 00:04:25,476 --> 00:04:26,601 Oh, hey, there. 80 00:04:26,602 --> 00:04:28,644 We's just gonna scooch in next to you, 81 00:04:28,645 --> 00:04:30,229 but sorry if we get loud. 82 00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:31,856 We's just settlin' an argument 83 00:04:31,857 --> 00:04:34,942 about what the deal is with Hilaria Baldwin. 84 00:04:34,943 --> 00:04:36,110 I'll tell you her deal. 85 00:04:36,111 --> 00:04:38,988 She's a woman from Boston named Hillary Hayward-Thomas, 86 00:04:38,989 --> 00:04:41,157 who, on her first date with Alec Baldwin, 87 00:04:41,158 --> 00:04:43,993 probably said "por favor" to a waiter to seem exotic, 88 00:04:43,994 --> 00:04:46,537 and has been cosplaying as a Latina ever since. 89 00:04:46,538 --> 00:04:48,456 Mmm, I like you. 90 00:04:48,457 --> 00:04:50,291 What's your name? Unless you don't wanna say 91 00:04:50,292 --> 00:04:52,585 'cause it's boring and ordinary. 92 00:04:52,586 --> 00:04:54,420 Desmond Voyage. 93 00:04:54,421 --> 00:04:56,214 Ooooh! 94 00:04:56,215 --> 00:04:59,759 Desmond, would you join me, Jeffrey, and Dennis for dinner tonight? 95 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,512 Well, that depends on the menu, because I'm gluten-free. 96 00:05:02,513 --> 00:05:04,263 Not medically. Just for the drama. 97 00:05:04,264 --> 00:05:05,973 Ooooh! 98 00:05:09,561 --> 00:05:12,855 C'mon, Chris. The drinking age in Bermuda is only 18, 99 00:05:12,856 --> 00:05:14,440 so I wanna buy some rum to pound 100 00:05:14,441 --> 00:05:16,067 so I can get totally blitzed! 101 00:05:16,068 --> 00:05:17,860 It honestly makes me sad 102 00:05:17,861 --> 00:05:20,447 you feel the need to show off to your own brother. 103 00:05:24,701 --> 00:05:27,954 Oh, my God. I must have this! 104 00:05:27,955 --> 00:05:30,248 What? Some lame touristy T-shirt? 105 00:05:30,249 --> 00:05:32,124 Meg, according to high-school law, 106 00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:34,418 vacation shirts equal status. 107 00:05:34,419 --> 00:05:38,256 And Neil Goldman has been rubbing Señor Frog's Cancun 108 00:05:38,257 --> 00:05:40,508 in my face for far too long. 109 00:05:40,509 --> 00:05:42,553 Fine, we'll get the rum and the T-shirt. 110 00:05:44,263 --> 00:05:45,888 That'll be $90. 111 00:05:45,889 --> 00:05:47,098 $90? 112 00:05:47,099 --> 00:05:49,684 - How much for just the shirt? - $40. 113 00:05:49,685 --> 00:05:51,686 How much for... nothing? 114 00:05:51,687 --> 00:05:52,895 That's $5. 115 00:05:52,896 --> 00:05:56,900 Hotels! What are you gonna do, take a cab to a pharmacy? 116 00:06:01,029 --> 00:06:03,823 Oh, my God, I can't wait to see St. David's Lighthouse! 117 00:06:03,824 --> 00:06:04,991 I know! 118 00:06:04,992 --> 00:06:06,826 What're we gonna do at a stupid lighthouse? 119 00:06:06,827 --> 00:06:08,287 Wake me when it's a roadhouse. 120 00:06:10,247 --> 00:06:11,622 Peter, you're driving! 121 00:06:11,623 --> 00:06:13,041 Sorry. 122 00:06:15,669 --> 00:06:17,587 Holy crap! Did you guys see that? 123 00:06:17,588 --> 00:06:19,255 "World's Best Cheesecake"! 124 00:06:22,551 --> 00:06:25,636 In Bermuda? Peter, there's no way that's true. 125 00:06:25,637 --> 00:06:27,388 Yeah, I don't know, Lois. Who am I gonna listen to? 126 00:06:27,389 --> 00:06:29,724 My wife or a sign on the side of the highway? 127 00:06:29,725 --> 00:06:33,061 Dammit, Peter, I will not let you ruin another trip for me! 128 00:06:33,312 --> 00:06:35,605 Come on, Glenn, let's go see that lighthouse! 129 00:06:35,606 --> 00:06:36,731 Fine. Go. 130 00:06:36,732 --> 00:06:37,816 Taxi! 131 00:06:52,956 --> 00:06:56,710 - Good afternoon, sir. May I interest you... - Sorry, I'm from the United States, 132 00:06:56,835 --> 00:06:58,753 so I'm scared to talk to anyone from the island 133 00:06:58,754 --> 00:07:00,214 who doesn't work at the resort. 134 00:07:10,474 --> 00:07:11,849 Front desk, this is Brian. 135 00:07:11,850 --> 00:07:14,310 Yes, I'd like to request a wake-up call for tomorrow 136 00:07:14,311 --> 00:07:15,686 even though every human on Earth 137 00:07:15,687 --> 00:07:17,563 now has an alarm clock in their pocket. 138 00:07:17,564 --> 00:07:20,066 Oh, hey, Stewie. Sorry again about the mix-up with your room, 139 00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:23,027 but I hope you're enjoying the apology fruit platter I sent up. 140 00:07:23,028 --> 00:07:24,695 Meh, it's mostly honeydew. 141 00:07:24,696 --> 00:07:26,864 And not a berry to be found on the whole plate. 142 00:07:26,865 --> 00:07:28,324 What do you mean? There's strawberries. 143 00:07:28,325 --> 00:07:29,867 Mmm, not technically a berry. 144 00:07:29,868 --> 00:07:32,119 It's actually an aggregate accessory fruit. 145 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,871 It's got the word "berry" in the name! 146 00:07:33,872 --> 00:07:36,290 Doesn't make it a berry. It's also got the word "straw," 147 00:07:36,291 --> 00:07:37,708 but I'm not sipping my drink through it. 148 00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:40,044 So now I'm sitting here, staring at a bay 149 00:07:40,045 --> 00:07:42,213 with a plate of aggregate accessory fruit 150 00:07:42,214 --> 00:07:44,508 and wondering how you plan to make this up to me! 151 00:07:45,926 --> 00:07:47,426 Oh, hey, Peter. How's the trip going? 152 00:07:47,427 --> 00:07:51,180 Awesome, Brian. Not only did I manage to find the world's best cheesecake, 153 00:07:51,181 --> 00:07:52,975 I even brought back an extra piece. 154 00:07:53,225 --> 00:07:54,976 Hey, I saw Lois and Quagmire 155 00:07:54,977 --> 00:07:56,777 have been posting a ton of stuff on Instagram. 156 00:07:56,979 --> 00:07:58,438 Seems like they had quite a day. 157 00:08:03,152 --> 00:08:04,861 Does this bother you at all? 158 00:08:04,862 --> 00:08:07,738 No way. I'm doing vacation exactly right. 159 00:08:07,739 --> 00:08:11,409 Some idiot's takin' my wife to all the boring places I don't wanna go. 160 00:08:11,410 --> 00:08:15,413 Meanwhile, I'm at the hotel just eatin' cheesecake and ordering more towels. 161 00:08:15,414 --> 00:08:17,875 Hey, can I get more towels to room 412? 162 00:08:23,338 --> 00:08:25,423 Hmm, I think I'll get the salmon. 163 00:08:25,424 --> 00:08:26,675 The salmon, huh? 164 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,509 I think that's a great idea! 165 00:08:28,510 --> 00:08:30,803 Oh, my God, what is that? 166 00:08:30,804 --> 00:08:33,264 It's a Christmas ornament I got at the lighthouse gift shop. 167 00:08:33,265 --> 00:08:35,391 Ooh, I just love small things 168 00:08:35,392 --> 00:08:37,602 that remind me of big things I've seen! 169 00:08:37,603 --> 00:08:39,979 Settle down. 170 00:08:39,980 --> 00:08:42,566 Another Oreo cookie milkshake with vodka in it! 171 00:08:43,650 --> 00:08:45,610 You know, I'm feeling a little hot in these pants. 172 00:08:45,611 --> 00:08:47,320 I may just go upstairs real quick 173 00:08:47,321 --> 00:08:48,738 to change into a sarong. 174 00:08:48,739 --> 00:08:51,407 Huh. I feel like I'd also like to slip into my sarong. 175 00:08:51,408 --> 00:08:52,701 Sarong run? 176 00:08:53,452 --> 00:08:55,870 You okay with them spending so much time together? 177 00:08:55,871 --> 00:08:58,039 Yeah, no one in the history of the world 178 00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,916 has ever gone on a sarong run. 179 00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:01,125 Relax, it's fine. 180 00:09:01,126 --> 00:09:04,420 And no amount of ominous waves crashing onto a rocky shore 181 00:09:04,421 --> 00:09:05,880 are gonna change my mind. 182 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:14,639 Now, Rupert, we mustn't let our new friends 183 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,724 see that we are anything but adults, 184 00:09:16,725 --> 00:09:17,850 just like they are. 185 00:09:17,851 --> 00:09:19,727 So, Desmond, what did you do today? 186 00:09:19,728 --> 00:09:22,104 Oh, I spent most of the day in the business center, 187 00:09:22,105 --> 00:09:24,190 - as adults do. - Really? 188 00:09:24,191 --> 00:09:27,193 Yes, they're running an Epson ET-5180 in there. 189 00:09:27,194 --> 00:09:28,945 Not my preferred choice, but, you know... 190 00:09:28,946 --> 00:09:31,573 thing jammed and I didn't even cry. No tantrum. 191 00:09:31,949 --> 00:09:34,075 Just kept on doing my business. 192 00:09:34,076 --> 00:09:36,661 You guys, let's totally do credit card roulette 193 00:09:36,662 --> 00:09:37,870 to see who pays for dinner. 194 00:09:37,871 --> 00:09:39,121 - Right? Yeah. - I love it. 195 00:09:39,122 --> 00:09:41,458 Oh, indeed, he... here's... here's mine. 196 00:09:43,335 --> 00:09:45,211 This is a Peppa Pig bookmark. 197 00:09:45,212 --> 00:09:47,630 No! No, they let you customize the credit card. 198 00:09:47,631 --> 00:09:49,423 I almost went with the Montreal Expos. 199 00:09:49,424 --> 00:09:51,008 They're not a team anymore. 200 00:09:51,009 --> 00:09:52,718 Yeah, I'm a big nostalgia guy. 201 00:09:52,719 --> 00:09:53,928 Ah, there you are, Stew... 202 00:09:53,929 --> 00:09:56,097 I mean, um... Mr. Voyage. 203 00:09:56,098 --> 00:09:57,932 With apologies for the earlier fruit plate, 204 00:09:57,933 --> 00:10:00,268 please accept this complimentary seafood tower. 205 00:10:00,269 --> 00:10:01,727 Great. Now, could you bring us another one 206 00:10:01,728 --> 00:10:03,146 that you haven't talked all over? 207 00:10:03,147 --> 00:10:05,189 And I'd say this is less a seafood tower 208 00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:07,150 than it is a seafood duplex. 209 00:10:09,069 --> 00:10:12,488 Perhaps you'd prefer a complimentary bottle of our finest Riesling? 210 00:10:12,489 --> 00:10:14,782 - Oh, that's sweet. - It's the least we could do. 211 00:10:14,783 --> 00:10:16,409 No, I'm talking about the Riesling. 212 00:10:16,410 --> 00:10:19,328 I didn't realize this was a bachelorette party in Nashville. 213 00:10:19,329 --> 00:10:20,913 Just bring back another seafood tower 214 00:10:20,914 --> 00:10:22,332 and the score of the Expos game. 215 00:10:23,292 --> 00:10:25,293 That was amazing. 216 00:10:25,294 --> 00:10:29,088 Desmond, you absolutely have to join us on our yacht tomorrow. 217 00:10:29,089 --> 00:10:31,299 "Yacht"? I say, that sounds lovely! 218 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:34,677 Yay! We's gonna sail to and then hike up 219 00:10:34,678 --> 00:10:37,388 a volcano called The Purple Head. 220 00:10:37,389 --> 00:10:39,390 That's right. We's gonna start at the base 221 00:10:39,391 --> 00:10:41,142 and then work our way to the tip. 222 00:10:41,143 --> 00:10:42,602 You've got to be careful, though, 223 00:10:42,603 --> 00:10:44,604 because The Purple Head's been known to erupt 224 00:10:44,605 --> 00:10:45,897 when you least expect it. 225 00:10:45,898 --> 00:10:48,733 I even heard it's created the world's biggest ash-hole. 226 00:10:48,734 --> 00:10:50,152 I'm gonna join this table. 227 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,612 Peter, it seems like it's been a while 228 00:10:52,613 --> 00:10:54,947 since Quagmire and Lois went upstairs. 229 00:10:54,948 --> 00:10:56,450 Yeah, fine, I'll go check on 'em. 230 00:11:00,787 --> 00:11:02,956 Oh, my God! 231 00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:06,418 And I gotta clean it all up! 232 00:11:07,503 --> 00:11:08,878 Yes, this is room 412. 233 00:11:08,879 --> 00:11:10,506 Can I have some more towels, please? 234 00:11:16,637 --> 00:11:18,471 Meg, look! It's that shirt! 235 00:11:18,472 --> 00:11:21,307 Oh, God, I want it so bad! 236 00:11:21,308 --> 00:11:24,268 Y'know, there is one way for me to get that rum 237 00:11:24,269 --> 00:11:25,729 and for you to get that T-shirt. 238 00:11:26,104 --> 00:11:27,815 We could always shoplift 'em. 239 00:11:28,065 --> 00:11:30,233 Shoplift? Who do I look like, 240 00:11:30,234 --> 00:11:32,360 celebrity film critic Rex Reed? 241 00:11:32,361 --> 00:11:34,154 Convicted killer Robert Durst? 242 00:11:34,404 --> 00:11:36,906 Journeyman quarterback Jameis Winston? 243 00:11:36,907 --> 00:11:39,909 Okay, I'm not exactly sure what this is, but... 244 00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:40,994 yeah. 245 00:11:44,289 --> 00:11:47,959 - Hm, okay, I'm not sure how we... - Relax, I got this. 246 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,128 Go into a changing room, put the rum in your backpack. 247 00:11:50,129 --> 00:11:51,963 Meanwhile, I'll go in another changing room, 248 00:11:51,964 --> 00:11:55,299 put the shirt on, then casually walk out like I came in wearing it. 249 00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:56,927 Okay. Got it. 250 00:12:01,682 --> 00:12:02,682 What are you doing? 251 00:12:02,683 --> 00:12:05,144 Run! Run! I messed up! 252 00:12:07,855 --> 00:12:09,564 Desmond! You made it! 253 00:12:09,565 --> 00:12:10,731 Yes, I'm sorry I'm late! 254 00:12:10,732 --> 00:12:13,151 I was in the business center helping Mr. Takahashi 255 00:12:13,152 --> 00:12:14,735 log into his United account. 256 00:12:14,736 --> 00:12:16,571 Do you know he's 75? 257 00:12:16,572 --> 00:12:18,865 I have no idea who you're talking about. 258 00:12:18,866 --> 00:12:21,869 All right, now could someone please help me onto the boat like a woman? 259 00:12:22,286 --> 00:12:25,289 Yes, there you are, just guide me by my wrist and elbow. 260 00:12:25,414 --> 00:12:28,167 So, heading up the volcano again? 261 00:12:28,292 --> 00:12:31,169 Yep. And just like every year, when we reach the top, 262 00:12:31,170 --> 00:12:34,172 we're all going to make a sacrifice. 263 00:12:34,173 --> 00:12:35,923 "Sacrifice"? 264 00:12:35,924 --> 00:12:37,925 Well, no wonder they've been so nice to me, Rupert. 265 00:12:37,926 --> 00:12:40,428 They're going to make a sacrifice to the volcano. 266 00:12:40,429 --> 00:12:42,556 And I'm the only virgin on this boat! 267 00:12:43,056 --> 00:12:45,057 No, no, no, I don't care if you've found Jesus. 268 00:12:45,058 --> 00:12:46,768 What happened before still counts. 269 00:12:53,942 --> 00:12:56,068 Caught shoplifting booze and a T-shirt? 270 00:12:56,069 --> 00:12:57,189 What were you guys thinking? 271 00:12:57,321 --> 00:12:58,654 I'm sorry, Brian. 272 00:12:58,655 --> 00:13:01,616 I was just trying to keep up with Neil Goldman. 273 00:13:01,617 --> 00:13:04,118 Oh, yeah, that Señor Frog's Cancun shirt? 274 00:13:04,119 --> 00:13:05,620 Oh, yeah, no, that thing's badass. 275 00:13:05,621 --> 00:13:08,122 But, Meg, it says here you not only stole rum, 276 00:13:08,123 --> 00:13:11,877 but also two tiny novelty license plates that say "Mel" and "Greg"? 277 00:13:12,211 --> 00:13:15,421 I was gonna cut 'em in half and solder 'em together to spell "Meg." 278 00:13:15,422 --> 00:13:18,424 There's no way people are still naming their kids "Mel." 279 00:13:18,425 --> 00:13:20,802 Like, name one "Mel" under 50. 280 00:13:20,803 --> 00:13:22,011 I think we're getting off track. 281 00:13:22,012 --> 00:13:24,931 I'm just saying, you can stop printing the "Mel" s. 282 00:13:24,932 --> 00:13:26,182 - We don't print them. - Okay, 283 00:13:26,183 --> 00:13:28,644 then you can stop ordering the "Mel" s. 284 00:13:34,733 --> 00:13:37,820 Hey, Lois... open wide. 285 00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:42,156 Glenn, I want you to take my cherry. 286 00:13:42,157 --> 00:13:44,075 Yeah, I'll take your cherry. 287 00:13:44,076 --> 00:13:45,243 You want my crust? 288 00:13:45,244 --> 00:13:46,536 Eww... no. 289 00:13:46,537 --> 00:13:47,954 No, I mean, I like crust, 290 00:13:47,955 --> 00:13:50,082 but don't... ugh, don't say it like that. 291 00:13:59,466 --> 00:14:00,551 This is Brian. 292 00:14:00,676 --> 00:14:02,176 Brian, this is a resort executive 293 00:14:02,177 --> 00:14:04,263 in a heavily-embroidered open-collar shirt. 294 00:14:04,555 --> 00:14:07,306 We've gotten several complaints from a very important guest, 295 00:14:07,307 --> 00:14:08,516 Desmond Voyage, 296 00:14:08,517 --> 00:14:11,310 including the fact that, "The in-room movie selections 297 00:14:11,311 --> 00:14:13,187 don't include Michael Clayton, 298 00:14:13,188 --> 00:14:17,151 despite there clearly being a still image of it on the home screen." 299 00:14:17,442 --> 00:14:18,442 Frickin' Stewie... 300 00:14:18,443 --> 00:14:21,404 He says, for him, "Falling asleep to George Clooney 301 00:14:21,405 --> 00:14:23,739 shouting about toxic agrochemicals 302 00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:25,950 scratches a very specific itch." 303 00:14:25,951 --> 00:14:27,369 Yep, I'll handle it. Thanks. 304 00:14:38,755 --> 00:14:40,590 Ah, I've missed you, Captain. 305 00:14:40,591 --> 00:14:42,884 And I've missed you, Brett. 306 00:14:42,885 --> 00:14:44,511 It's... it's Brian. 307 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:48,891 Oh, sorry, I... I guess I'm always super-wasted when we hang out. 308 00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:57,399 Hey, so, this seems far enough, right? 309 00:14:57,858 --> 00:14:59,692 Like, I bet if we turn around now, 310 00:14:59,693 --> 00:15:03,279 we can still get back in time to make fun of the cabana waitress 311 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,698 with the lopsided boob job, heh? 312 00:15:05,699 --> 00:15:07,450 Dammit, Rupert, we're running out of time... 313 00:15:07,451 --> 00:15:09,827 I've got a signal! I've got to call Brian! 314 00:15:10,913 --> 00:15:12,622 - Hello. - Brian, help! 315 00:15:12,623 --> 00:15:14,415 I'm hiking to the top of a volcano 316 00:15:14,416 --> 00:15:16,959 where I'm going to be thrown to my death as a sacrifice! 317 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,169 Screw you, Stewie. 318 00:15:18,170 --> 00:15:20,589 You've turned my job into a total nightmare. 319 00:15:20,756 --> 00:15:24,467 Hey, you... you think a novel set inside a mushroom would be a good idea? 320 00:15:24,468 --> 00:15:26,719 Except... except you wouldn't know it's a mushroom 321 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,095 until the very last page. 322 00:15:28,096 --> 00:15:29,180 I'd call it... 323 00:15:29,181 --> 00:15:30,932 "Mushroom Surprise." 324 00:15:30,933 --> 00:15:32,183 Well, that kind of gives it away. 325 00:15:32,184 --> 00:15:33,684 No, no, 'cause in the story, 326 00:15:33,685 --> 00:15:35,311 that... that's the guy's favorite soup, 327 00:15:35,312 --> 00:15:37,271 so, like, that's what you'd think it means. 328 00:15:37,272 --> 00:15:39,065 Honestly, I don't get the whole soup angle. 329 00:15:39,066 --> 00:15:40,566 It seems needlessly confusing. 330 00:15:40,567 --> 00:15:41,651 You don't know! 331 00:15:41,652 --> 00:15:43,277 You always think you're better than me. 332 00:15:43,278 --> 00:15:44,362 Well, you're not. 333 00:15:44,363 --> 00:15:47,240 In fact, I've met a ton of celebrities at this job. 334 00:15:47,241 --> 00:15:49,909 - Name one. - Um... Brad? 335 00:15:49,910 --> 00:15:52,746 Brad somebody? He was in, um... 336 00:15:53,497 --> 00:15:55,540 Go to hell, Stewie! I'm not helping you! 337 00:15:55,541 --> 00:15:57,375 Brian, please! Don't hang up! 338 00:15:57,376 --> 00:15:58,918 Oh, Rupert, I'm so scared! 339 00:15:58,919 --> 00:16:01,254 This may finally be the end for me... 340 00:16:01,255 --> 00:16:02,588 Hello? Brian? 341 00:16:02,589 --> 00:16:04,298 I remembered which Brad it was. 342 00:16:04,299 --> 00:16:06,009 It was Toby Huss. 343 00:16:15,185 --> 00:16:17,270 So... is there somethin' you wanna tell me? 344 00:16:17,271 --> 00:16:21,315 Oh, nothing, just swam with a dolphin this morning, no biggie. 345 00:16:21,316 --> 00:16:24,153 - Not you! - It actually was me. Check Facebook. 346 00:16:24,361 --> 00:16:27,321 Peter, uh, Lois and I don't know what you're talking about. 347 00:16:27,322 --> 00:16:30,074 I know you've been eatin' cheesecake with my wife behind my back! 348 00:16:30,075 --> 00:16:32,077 You left a used napkin in the couch! 349 00:16:32,578 --> 00:16:35,873 Okay fine, Peter, it just... it looked too good! 350 00:16:36,540 --> 00:16:39,292 Quagmire and I each had one bite, but that's it! 351 00:16:39,293 --> 00:16:41,711 It's true! After that, we both felt so guilty, 352 00:16:41,712 --> 00:16:44,173 we threw the rest of it off the balcony and into the ocean. 353 00:16:44,423 --> 00:16:48,509 Wow, this is, like, the world's best cheesecake! 354 00:16:48,510 --> 00:16:50,512 Yeah. I saw the sign. 355 00:16:50,721 --> 00:16:52,930 I'm sorry we lied to you, Peter. 356 00:16:52,931 --> 00:16:55,975 But, look, I think there's a part of me that was angry 357 00:16:55,976 --> 00:16:58,269 you seemed to care more about a dumb piece of cheesecake 358 00:16:58,270 --> 00:17:00,814 than being on a romantic vacation with your wife. 359 00:17:01,190 --> 00:17:03,691 It's my fault, too, Lois. 360 00:17:03,692 --> 00:17:06,027 I'm sorry I've been kinda neglecting you this trip. 361 00:17:06,028 --> 00:17:07,487 Hey, I know. 362 00:17:07,488 --> 00:17:10,031 How 'bout we flush the whole afternoon down the tubes 363 00:17:10,032 --> 00:17:13,075 by wandering through a bunch a boring overpriced boutiques? 364 00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:15,329 Oh, that's all any woman wants! 365 00:17:15,662 --> 00:17:17,122 I love you, Peter. 366 00:17:25,214 --> 00:17:27,757 Okay, Desmond, the moment has arrived. 367 00:17:27,758 --> 00:17:30,761 Time to step up to the lip of the volcano. 368 00:17:38,268 --> 00:17:39,269 This is it, Rupert. 369 00:17:39,478 --> 00:17:40,978 If Lizzo ever writes back, 370 00:17:40,979 --> 00:17:42,356 I want you to have the letter! 371 00:17:42,648 --> 00:17:44,065 Put it in a frame I would like. 372 00:17:44,066 --> 00:17:46,777 Talk to Curt at Aaron Brothers. He's fantastic! 373 00:17:59,706 --> 00:18:02,084 - Yay! We did it! - Did what? 374 00:18:02,292 --> 00:18:05,044 I... I thought Dennis said you were all going to make a sacrifice. 375 00:18:05,045 --> 00:18:06,170 That's right. 376 00:18:06,171 --> 00:18:08,798 The sacrifice is that we's postin' a pic 377 00:18:08,799 --> 00:18:11,844 with no filter and no Photoshop. 378 00:18:12,052 --> 00:18:14,263 And... posted! 379 00:18:14,638 --> 00:18:15,972 Ooh, 380 00:18:15,973 --> 00:18:17,057 first comment! 381 00:18:17,307 --> 00:18:20,769 "So brave to post such a terrible photo of yourselves." 382 00:18:20,894 --> 00:18:22,813 Aaa! Aaa! Delete! Delete! Delete! 383 00:18:33,782 --> 00:18:35,074 Fine, Stewie, 384 00:18:35,075 --> 00:18:37,077 maybe we don't have Michael Clayton. 385 00:18:37,202 --> 00:18:39,371 But we got that Matt Damon fracking movie. 386 00:18:39,705 --> 00:18:41,165 Basically the same thing. 387 00:18:41,290 --> 00:18:43,010 What's that... what's it called? I wanna... 388 00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:44,585 I wanna say Frack Damon. 389 00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:46,878 And... and, oh, not enough berries on your plate? 390 00:18:46,879 --> 00:18:48,713 I... I got some berries for you, 391 00:18:48,714 --> 00:18:50,632 of the dingle variety... 392 00:19:15,991 --> 00:19:17,117 Housekeeping. 393 00:19:18,452 --> 00:19:20,871 No, no, no. 394 00:19:24,791 --> 00:19:29,212 You know, posting that photo wasn't the only sacrifice we made today. 395 00:19:29,213 --> 00:19:30,506 - Really? - Yep. 396 00:19:30,714 --> 00:19:33,383 You won't find a single carb on this boat. 397 00:19:33,717 --> 00:19:35,719 Um... flatbread is a carb. 398 00:19:35,928 --> 00:19:37,262 Oh, my God, he's right! 399 00:19:37,387 --> 00:19:39,555 Why did we think that? Just 'cause it's flat? 400 00:19:39,556 --> 00:19:41,433 I must a had two boxes! 401 00:19:42,184 --> 00:19:44,436 My hat that no one likes! 402 00:19:51,443 --> 00:19:53,319 Oh, no! 403 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:54,947 I know! 404 00:20:19,763 --> 00:20:21,013 So sad. 405 00:20:21,014 --> 00:20:23,349 The lifeguard said the sharks were lured to the resort 406 00:20:23,350 --> 00:20:25,394 because someone threw cheesecake in the water. 407 00:20:25,519 --> 00:20:28,147 Oh, um, is that right? 408 00:20:29,273 --> 00:20:32,025 I don't know if I's ever gonna recover. 409 00:20:32,192 --> 00:20:33,568 I could come back with you. 410 00:20:33,569 --> 00:20:35,904 Oh, let the healing begin! 411 00:20:36,947 --> 00:20:38,322 Oh, hey. Where have you been? 412 00:20:38,323 --> 00:20:39,532 At the duty-free shop, 413 00:20:39,533 --> 00:20:40,992 buying six cartons of cigarettes, 414 00:20:40,993 --> 00:20:43,996 a jug of Dior perfume, and a tin of wafer cookies. 415 00:20:44,121 --> 00:20:45,455 Oh. Did you get a good deal? 416 00:20:45,581 --> 00:20:46,623 I have no idea. 417 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,875 And what about you? You're coming home with us? 418 00:20:48,876 --> 00:20:50,126 Yeah. I actually got fired 419 00:20:50,127 --> 00:20:52,837 for dragging my ass on every inch of a guest's hotel room. 420 00:20:52,838 --> 00:20:55,174 Aw, epic! Even their pillow? 421 00:20:55,299 --> 00:20:56,967 - Yep. - Nice! 422 00:20:57,301 --> 00:21:00,136 Maybe next year we'll go to the White Lotus in Thailand. 423 00:21:00,137 --> 00:21:01,763 Eh, I hear it's not as good.