1
00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:38,245
Well, Lois, the Sox got destroyed.

2
00:00:38,328 --> 00:00:39,829
But don't worry about me driving.

3
00:00:39,913 --> 00:00:42,499
The cops don't have
jurisdiction over yards.

4
00:00:42,582 --> 00:00:44,167
It's like international waters.

5
00:00:44,251 --> 00:00:45,252
Lois?

6
00:00:45,335 --> 00:00:46,795
Peter! In here!

7
00:00:47,462 --> 00:00:49,548
Peter, I've been up
here for three hours!

8
00:00:49,631 --> 00:00:51,216
Oh, this happens to me all the time.

9
00:00:51,299 --> 00:00:53,510
The floor isn't lava.
That's just a show.

10
00:00:53,593 --> 00:00:56,846
No, I saw a huge, disgusting
spider on the floor!

11
00:00:58,223 --> 00:00:59,391
You should've heard her before,

12
00:00:59,474 --> 00:01:02,727
going on and on about how she'd
definitely win on Survivor.

13
00:01:02,936 --> 00:01:03,937
Pathetic.

14
00:01:03,948 --> 00:01:07,243
Oh, God! Kill it before it
goes back behind the fridge!

15
00:01:07,348 --> 00:01:09,099
Wait, wait, wait! Actually, don't.

16
00:01:09,109 --> 00:01:12,237
Spiders are precious, for some
stupid reason that I can't remember.

17
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,072
Just... Just put it outside!

18
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:18,827
Wow!

19
00:01:18,910 --> 00:01:20,412
Who is this guy?

20
00:01:20,495 --> 00:01:21,496
I know, right?

21
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:24,249
I was very brave for a boy my age.

22
00:01:24,332 --> 00:01:27,168
No, Peter, I'm talking about that hat,

23
00:01:27,252 --> 00:01:29,462
all turned around.

24
00:01:29,546 --> 00:01:32,215
You look like LL Cool
J when you do that.

25
00:01:32,299 --> 00:01:34,593
Captain Patrick Zevo from Toys?

26
00:01:34,676 --> 00:01:37,304
Ugh, Peter, your cultural
references are a mess.

27
00:01:37,387 --> 00:01:40,682
Just toss the spider
and meet me upstairs.

28
00:01:41,850 --> 00:01:43,935
Thanks for getting me sex, spider.

29
00:01:44,019 --> 00:01:45,562
Now go, be free!

30
00:01:49,357 --> 00:01:50,692
Aw, that's sad.

31
00:01:50,775 --> 00:01:52,777
But at least whenever
a nature thing happens,

32
00:01:52,861 --> 00:01:54,696
David Attenborough has to narrate it.

33
00:01:54,779 --> 00:01:57,365
The spider becomes a tragedy

34
00:01:57,449 --> 00:01:59,701
in nature's cruel circle.

35
00:01:59,784 --> 00:02:04,748
Unmoved, the obese mammal returns
to his den for procreation.

36
00:02:12,839 --> 00:02:14,924
No. Leave it on.

37
00:02:19,554 --> 00:02:21,473
Oh, yeah, you like this hat?

38
00:02:21,556 --> 00:02:22,557
Oh, Peter.

39
00:02:22,641 --> 00:02:25,727
It's like I'm doin' the Linkin
Park guy who killed himself.

40
00:02:25,810 --> 00:02:26,895
Chester Bennington?

41
00:02:26,978 --> 00:02:28,229
No, no, don't... Don't say the name.

42
00:02:28,313 --> 00:02:29,314
The name ruins it.

43
00:02:31,107 --> 00:02:32,651
Oh, Peter!

44
00:02:32,734 --> 00:02:34,986
Oh, Peter!

45
00:02:35,070 --> 00:02:36,071
Oh!

46
00:02:36,154 --> 00:02:37,155
Francis!

47
00:02:39,449 --> 00:02:41,785
Did... Did you just say "Francis"?

48
00:02:41,868 --> 00:02:44,287
I don't know what I said,
Lois. It was the '90s!

49
00:02:44,371 --> 00:02:46,039
It was ten seconds ago.

50
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:49,000
Oh, right. I'm just so used to
getting out of jams with that.

51
00:02:49,084 --> 00:02:51,360
Peter, did you just yell out your dead

52
00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:53,755
father's name while we were having sex?

53
00:02:53,838 --> 00:02:55,840
Holy crap, I think you're right.

54
00:02:55,924 --> 00:02:58,009
I guess I must have thought
about my old man, Francis,

55
00:02:58,093 --> 00:03:00,011
for a second while we were doing it.

56
00:03:00,095 --> 00:03:01,137
Wow.

57
00:03:02,597 --> 00:03:04,599
So, where were we?

58
00:03:04,683 --> 00:03:07,060
No, Peter, I just...

59
00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:08,353
I need a minute.

60
00:03:09,938 --> 00:03:11,648
Leave the hat.

61
00:03:14,943 --> 00:03:18,113
Hey, Peter. Wanna see a meme that
everyone but me saw ten years ago?

62
00:03:18,196 --> 00:03:21,783
Look, now what color do
you think this dress is?

63
00:03:21,866 --> 00:03:23,284
No thanks, Joe. Not in the mood.

64
00:03:23,368 --> 00:03:24,661
There you go, boys.

65
00:03:24,744 --> 00:03:25,829
Thanks, Frances!

66
00:03:25,912 --> 00:03:26,955
You're the best, Frances!

67
00:03:27,038 --> 00:03:28,873
Thank you kindly, Miss Frances.

68
00:03:28,957 --> 00:03:31,292
If you need me, just yell my name.

69
00:03:32,752 --> 00:03:34,879
That Frances sure is something else.

70
00:03:36,214 --> 00:03:37,841
Hey, Peter, what's the matter?

71
00:03:37,924 --> 00:03:41,302
Well, Lois and I were havin'
drunk, backwards-hat sex last night,

72
00:03:41,386 --> 00:03:43,888
and right in the middle,
I yelled out "Frances."

73
00:03:43,972 --> 00:03:45,807
I was thinking about that new waitress.

74
00:03:45,890 --> 00:03:46,933
Oh, boy.

75
00:03:47,016 --> 00:03:49,727
But Lois thinks I meant
"Francis," as in my dead dad.

76
00:03:49,811 --> 00:03:52,063
Well, I suppose that
was a fair assumption.

77
00:03:52,147 --> 00:03:53,523
Your dad was pretty hot.

78
00:03:53,606 --> 00:03:55,233
I should probably come clean, huh?

79
00:03:55,316 --> 00:03:57,235
Just tell her that I wasn't
thinkin' about my dad,

80
00:03:57,318 --> 00:03:59,446
but rather a very
attractive younger woman

81
00:03:59,529 --> 00:04:01,781
who I often see in an
unsupervised setting,

82
00:04:01,865 --> 00:04:04,325
and to whom I've often lied
and said I am unmarried.

83
00:04:04,409 --> 00:04:05,535
Lois'll get it, right?

84
00:04:05,618 --> 00:04:06,619
No way, Peter.

85
00:04:06,703 --> 00:04:08,705
I saw gold. Some saw blue.

86
00:04:08,788 --> 00:04:10,491
Yeah, you're much better off with Lois

87
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,375
thinking you yelled
out dead-dad-Francis.

88
00:04:12,459 --> 00:04:13,460
As sick as that is.

89
00:04:13,543 --> 00:04:14,544
As sick as that is,

90
00:04:14,627 --> 00:04:17,130
than her knowing you were
thinking about hot-chick-Frances.

91
00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:18,339
You guys are right.

92
00:04:18,423 --> 00:04:20,592
I guess I can never tell Lois the truth.

93
00:04:20,675 --> 00:04:21,676
But that's okay.

94
00:04:21,759 --> 00:04:24,012
I'm not the first person
with a dirty sex secret.

95
00:04:24,095 --> 00:04:27,557
Wow! I can see why they
call you Catherine the Great.

96
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,267
Thanks.

97
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:32,812
And hey, do you mind not
telling your friends about this?

98
00:04:32,896 --> 00:04:34,063
I mean, if this gets out,

99
00:04:34,147 --> 00:04:36,024
it'll be the only thing
I'm remembered for.

100
00:04:36,107 --> 00:04:37,317
Oh, for... for sure.

101
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,735
Totally. I got you.

102
00:04:43,448 --> 00:04:45,784
That better be the
sound of normal trotting

103
00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:47,160
and not horse high-fives!

104
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:49,037
- It's normal trotting.
- Normal trotting.

105
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,164
- Normal trotting.
- I was in a parade!

106
00:04:54,334 --> 00:04:57,378
We now return to
Wonka, starring Timothee Chalamet.

107
00:04:57,462 --> 00:05:00,965
This Chalamet kid thinks he's
hot stuff now, but just wait.

108
00:05:01,049 --> 00:05:03,593
He's gonna be one of those actors
who never takes his shirt off,

109
00:05:03,676 --> 00:05:04,761
like Patrick Dempsey.

110
00:05:04,844 --> 00:05:06,179
Yeah, I... What?

111
00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:08,515
I'm just saying, the guy
never takes his shirt off.

112
00:05:08,598 --> 00:05:10,850
But Chalamet has taken his shirt off.

113
00:05:10,934 --> 00:05:12,864
He takes his shirt
off now, but trust me,

114
00:05:12,874 --> 00:05:14,562
in a few years, he's
gonna stop doing it.

115
00:05:14,646 --> 00:05:15,647
Just like Dempsey.

116
00:05:15,730 --> 00:05:18,858
So, are... are you saying you
want him to take his shirt off?

117
00:05:18,942 --> 00:05:20,568
No, I just... Chalamet's just...

118
00:05:21,069 --> 00:05:23,279
I'm just saying, he's being
a total Patrick Dempsey.

119
00:05:23,363 --> 00:05:25,031
- What?
- I don't know! He confuses me.

120
00:05:25,114 --> 00:05:26,282
Peter, there you are.

121
00:05:26,366 --> 00:05:28,785
Look, I need to talk to you
about what happened last night.

122
00:05:28,868 --> 00:05:31,246
You know, saying "Francis."

123
00:05:31,329 --> 00:05:33,414
I think you should see a therapist.

124
00:05:33,498 --> 00:05:34,541
What? Why?

125
00:05:34,624 --> 00:05:36,125
You might have some feelings about

126
00:05:36,251 --> 00:05:38,837
your father that you
still need to process.

127
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:42,173
After all, you did fall off a
unicycle and crush him to death.

128
00:05:42,257 --> 00:05:45,176
It sounds far-fetched, but
that's literally what happened.

129
00:05:45,260 --> 00:05:47,345
Plus, he was always very distant.

130
00:05:47,428 --> 00:05:50,473
Lois, I don't know what mental
health TikTok has led you to believe,

131
00:05:50,557 --> 00:05:52,559
but I swear to you, it was
just your run-of-the-mill,

132
00:05:52,642 --> 00:05:54,853
dead-dad-name-during-sex brain fart.

133
00:05:54,936 --> 00:05:55,937
I'm totally fine!

134
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:59,148
Well, hold on there, Peter.
Therapy could do you worlds of good.

135
00:05:59,232 --> 00:06:00,900
For example, thanks to my therapist,

136
00:06:00,984 --> 00:06:02,694
I no longer need a bowl that says

137
00:06:02,819 --> 00:06:05,321
"Good Boy" on it to
know that I'm a good boy.

138
00:06:05,405 --> 00:06:06,823
Would I like one of those bowls?

139
00:06:06,906 --> 00:06:08,533
Sure. But do I need it?

140
00:06:08,616 --> 00:06:09,617
I don't know.

141
00:06:09,701 --> 00:06:10,702
I...

142
00:06:11,369 --> 00:06:12,579
I don't know.

143
00:06:12,662 --> 00:06:14,789
Fine, Peter, if you won't do therapy,

144
00:06:14,873 --> 00:06:18,209
then maybe we can get to the
bottom of it with my tarot cards.

145
00:06:18,293 --> 00:06:19,711
Okay, let's see...

146
00:06:19,794 --> 00:06:20,879
A Knife,

147
00:06:20,962 --> 00:06:22,422
an Open Field,

148
00:06:22,505 --> 00:06:24,591
and Lorena Bobbitt.

149
00:06:24,674 --> 00:06:26,384
Ooh, I wonder if that means...

150
00:06:26,467 --> 00:06:28,428
Oh, no, no, I'll... I'll
do the therapy, you win.

151
00:06:28,511 --> 00:06:29,512
Wonderful.

152
00:06:29,596 --> 00:06:31,264
This is a big step, Peter.

153
00:06:32,724 --> 00:06:34,809
Brian, what are all these Petco links?

154
00:06:34,893 --> 00:06:36,227
I need the "Good Boy" bowl,

155
00:06:36,311 --> 00:06:37,353
or I'm bad!

156
00:06:41,441 --> 00:06:44,944
So basically, I realized that
there's some big feelings inside Peter

157
00:06:45,028 --> 00:06:48,364
about his deceased father that
he's clearly trying to work through,

158
00:06:48,448 --> 00:06:50,366
and that's why he's here today.

159
00:06:50,450 --> 00:06:52,493
All right, well, with the
two minutes we have left,

160
00:06:52,577 --> 00:06:53,703
maybe he can speak.

161
00:06:53,786 --> 00:06:56,122
Peter, can you tell me
a bit about yourself?

162
00:06:56,205 --> 00:06:58,499
Oh, boy. Uh, what is there to say?

163
00:06:58,583 --> 00:06:59,917
I met an astronaut once.

164
00:07:00,001 --> 00:07:01,836
Not a good one, not
one of the moon ones.

165
00:07:01,919 --> 00:07:03,880
Now that I think of
it, was he an astronaut?

166
00:07:03,963 --> 00:07:05,298
He may have been a firefighter.

167
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:06,799
You know what? He was a firefighter.

168
00:07:06,883 --> 00:07:09,385
He had the day off on
9/11, that I remember.

169
00:07:09,469 --> 00:07:11,429
And you know what? He
drove a Chevy Astro.

170
00:07:11,512 --> 00:07:12,805
That's what was confusing me.

171
00:07:12,889 --> 00:07:15,600
But to sum up, met a
firefighter, drove a Chevy Astro,

172
00:07:15,683 --> 00:07:16,934
didn't help on 9/11.

173
00:07:17,018 --> 00:07:19,145
Uh... Oh, and I guess
I wanna bang my dad.

174
00:07:19,228 --> 00:07:20,730
Hmm, interesting.

175
00:07:20,813 --> 00:07:22,148
May I see a picture?

176
00:07:25,443 --> 00:07:26,861
Oh, wow.

177
00:07:26,944 --> 00:07:28,863
And do you have any
shirtless pictures of him,

178
00:07:28,946 --> 00:07:31,491
- or was he more of a Patrick Dempsey?
- What?

179
00:07:31,574 --> 00:07:34,410
Total Dempsey. Zero
shirtless pics post 40.

180
00:07:34,494 --> 00:07:36,579
I see. Well, this is very serious.

181
00:07:36,663 --> 00:07:38,122
This kind of outburst suggests

182
00:07:38,247 --> 00:07:40,750
major unresolved feelings
surrounding your father,

183
00:07:40,833 --> 00:07:43,378
as well as around your
role as a father yourself.

184
00:07:43,461 --> 00:07:44,462
Called it!

185
00:07:44,545 --> 00:07:47,465
For starters, you'll need to
build much stronger relationships

186
00:07:47,548 --> 00:07:48,591
with your own children.

187
00:07:48,675 --> 00:07:51,302
That'll be the first step
towards finding closure.

188
00:07:51,386 --> 00:07:54,180
Ugh, just tell me the absolute
least I'm allowed to do,

189
00:07:54,263 --> 00:07:56,224
and I promise I will almost do it.

190
00:07:56,307 --> 00:07:57,350
No, Peter.

191
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:59,977
You'll need to treat this
like a second full-time job,

192
00:08:00,061 --> 00:08:03,147
where nobody pays you, and your
family members are all your boss.

193
00:08:03,231 --> 00:08:05,191
Perfect. Thank you, Doctor.

194
00:08:05,274 --> 00:08:06,651
We'll get right to work.

195
00:08:06,734 --> 00:08:09,112
I stored my number, in
case you need to reach me.

196
00:08:09,195 --> 00:08:12,073
I've also signed you up for
my joke-of-the-week newsletter.

197
00:08:12,156 --> 00:08:14,701
Oh, hmm, okay. I'd
like to opt out of that.

198
00:08:14,784 --> 00:08:16,411
Yes, I bet you would.

199
00:08:16,494 --> 00:08:19,122
Oh, and Peter, before
I forget, are you just...

200
00:08:19,205 --> 00:08:20,206
gay?

201
00:08:20,289 --> 00:08:21,749
- I'm not gay.
- Okay.

202
00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:23,584
You'd be surprised
how often that happens.

203
00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:27,171
Twenty minutes in, we figure
that out and boom, we're done.

204
00:08:33,177 --> 00:08:35,388
Kids, we have an announcement.

205
00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:38,766
Your dad is on a journey to
deal with his father issues.

206
00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:40,518
So, as part of his treatment,

207
00:08:40,601 --> 00:08:43,563
he'll be spending some
quality time with each of you.

208
00:08:43,646 --> 00:08:44,647
And just as a goof,

209
00:08:44,731 --> 00:08:46,733
I think we should all do name tags.

210
00:08:46,816 --> 00:08:50,987
Is this gonna be stuff you
wanna do, or stuff we wanna do?

211
00:08:51,070 --> 00:08:52,697
It's gonna be whatever's
funniest, chief.

212
00:08:52,780 --> 00:08:53,948
Unsubscribe.

213
00:08:54,032 --> 00:08:55,992
Chris, this isn't the
Internet, it's our kitchen.

214
00:08:56,075 --> 00:08:57,076
Downvote.

215
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,161
Oh, man, I can think of

216
00:08:58,244 --> 00:09:00,121
so many fun things we
could do. Go to the park...

217
00:09:00,204 --> 00:09:02,040
Yeah, this is gonna be real family only.

218
00:09:02,123 --> 00:09:04,208
Your last name is more
of a courtesy thing.

219
00:09:04,292 --> 00:09:07,545
www.BustyLatinaWives.org.

220
00:09:07,556 --> 00:09:09,392
Chris, again, this is not a comput...

221
00:09:10,798 --> 00:09:13,217
Sorry. I mighta clicked some spyware.

222
00:09:21,768 --> 00:09:23,561
You seem busy. I'll leave you to it.

223
00:09:26,064 --> 00:09:29,150
All right, I guess I'm supposed to
do whatever it is you like to do.

224
00:09:29,233 --> 00:09:30,234
Well, what'll it be?

225
00:09:30,318 --> 00:09:32,361
Dressing up dolls? Braiding hair?

226
00:09:36,032 --> 00:09:38,409
Get 'im, Pecky! Peck
his little eyes out!

227
00:09:38,493 --> 00:09:43,331
Meg, I can't tell if these people
are very poor, or very, very rich.

228
00:09:47,043 --> 00:09:50,379
Meg, who is this fat, roosterless man?

229
00:09:50,463 --> 00:09:51,672
To you, no one.

230
00:09:51,756 --> 00:09:53,091
You never saw him.

231
00:09:53,174 --> 00:09:56,803
Now laugh like I just
made a joke, and walk away.

232
00:09:58,096 --> 00:09:59,305
Laugh harder!

233
00:10:04,519 --> 00:10:05,770
So, uh...

234
00:10:06,437 --> 00:10:08,022
what's new in your life?

235
00:10:08,106 --> 00:10:09,107
Not much.

236
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:10,869
I guess I'm just really upset people

237
00:10:10,879 --> 00:10:12,777
are paying so much for home insurance.

238
00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:13,945
What?

239
00:10:14,070 --> 00:10:16,155
I've heard anecdotally
that places like Allstate

240
00:10:16,239 --> 00:10:19,408
are charging $2,000-$3,000
more than State Farm.

241
00:10:19,492 --> 00:10:20,493
Is that true?

242
00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:24,580
In the unreliable anecdotal
world, yes, it's very true.

243
00:10:24,664 --> 00:10:26,415
Chris, are you working for State Farm?

244
00:10:26,499 --> 00:10:27,959
I'm not working for State Farm,

245
00:10:28,042 --> 00:10:30,711
I'm having the time of
my life for State Farm.

246
00:10:30,795 --> 00:10:32,755
Yeah, listen, I'm not really
looking to buy insurance.

247
00:10:32,839 --> 00:10:35,383
Oh, I'm sorry to hear
that, Mrs. Griffin.

248
00:10:35,466 --> 00:10:37,718
Is Mr. Griffin available?

249
00:10:41,097 --> 00:10:43,142
Okay, I'm supposed to
read you a bedtime story,

250
00:10:43,152 --> 00:10:44,308
but all your stories are lame,

251
00:10:44,392 --> 00:10:46,853
so instead, I'm readin'
the Applebee's menu.

252
00:10:46,936 --> 00:10:49,272
"Chapter One: Sizzlin' Starters."

253
00:10:49,355 --> 00:10:51,404
This is why doctors
call your cholesterol

254
00:10:51,414 --> 00:10:53,234
level "clinically impossible".

255
00:10:53,317 --> 00:10:54,902
This is a good menu.

256
00:10:54,986 --> 00:10:56,988
You can tell by how laminated it is.

257
00:10:57,071 --> 00:10:59,532
If it's possible to
wet the menu in any way,

258
00:10:59,615 --> 00:11:01,242
you have failed as a restaurant.

259
00:11:01,325 --> 00:11:03,494
Oh, God, he's not even
reading it. He's just riffing.

260
00:11:03,578 --> 00:11:04,996
We're gonna skip the salad chapter,

261
00:11:05,079 --> 00:11:06,789
but it doesn't affect the story at all.

262
00:11:11,836 --> 00:11:14,755
I tell ya, if you have a Waterpik,
you basically have a bidet.

263
00:11:14,839 --> 00:11:16,757
Anyway, it was good
connecting with the kids.

264
00:11:16,841 --> 00:11:18,342
Oh, that's great, honey.

265
00:11:18,426 --> 00:11:20,469
Yeah, I think it meant
a lot to them, too.

266
00:11:20,553 --> 00:11:23,764
Yeah, that... that fat one,
the... the other one, the...

267
00:11:23,848 --> 00:11:25,641
the girl, I wanna say?

268
00:11:25,725 --> 00:11:27,018
Nobody did name tags.

269
00:11:27,101 --> 00:11:29,103
I think they thought I was
joking. I wasn't joking.

270
00:11:29,187 --> 00:11:31,439
But in any case, yeah,
I think I'm cured now.

271
00:11:31,522 --> 00:11:33,274
Ah, not so fast, Peter.

272
00:11:33,357 --> 00:11:35,610
You know, I've been
texting with the therapist.

273
00:11:35,693 --> 00:11:36,694
- You have?
- Yeah.

274
00:11:36,777 --> 00:11:38,362
Ignore the penis pictures.

275
00:11:38,446 --> 00:11:41,574
He said he sent them by
mistake, unless I liked them.

276
00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:42,658
Okay, here we go.

277
00:11:42,742 --> 00:11:44,202
Dr. Snelling says,

278
00:11:44,285 --> 00:11:46,871
"Peter needs to write a
letter to his dead father

279
00:11:46,954 --> 00:11:49,916
"to help him properly
grieve and move on."

280
00:11:49,999 --> 00:11:52,043
But won't a letter make me sleepy?

281
00:11:52,126 --> 00:11:53,544
My point is, Peter,

282
00:11:53,628 --> 00:11:56,505
that the hard work has only just begun.

283
00:11:56,589 --> 00:11:58,092
Tomorrow, I think we should take

284
00:11:58,102 --> 00:11:59,884
the whole family to your father's grave

285
00:11:59,967 --> 00:12:02,053
so you can read the letter to him.

286
00:12:02,136 --> 00:12:03,638
Doesn't that sound healing?

287
00:12:03,721 --> 00:12:04,764
It does.

288
00:12:04,847 --> 00:12:06,098
And it doesn't.

289
00:12:06,182 --> 00:12:07,850
I mean, it does and it doesn't.

290
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:10,144
It doesn't.

291
00:12:13,356 --> 00:12:16,567
I think this is gonna be
very cathartic for you, Peter.

292
00:12:16,651 --> 00:12:17,985
There's Grandpa.

293
00:12:21,948 --> 00:12:23,908
"It's all gravy, baby"?

294
00:12:23,991 --> 00:12:25,159
Oh, yeah, he never said that.

295
00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:27,828
He was dead, so I told the
tombstone guy to go nuts.

296
00:12:27,912 --> 00:12:29,538
We were just laughin' and laughin'.

297
00:12:29,622 --> 00:12:32,208
We are losing sight of the
purpose for today's visit,

298
00:12:32,291 --> 00:12:35,294
which is for Peter to read
a letter to his dead father.

299
00:12:35,378 --> 00:12:36,504
I didn't write the letter.

300
00:12:36,587 --> 00:12:40,216
Ugh, what is the point of
spending $40 for mini-mall therapy

301
00:12:40,299 --> 00:12:42,093
if you're not gonna do the work?

302
00:12:42,176 --> 00:12:43,886
Just... Just say something.

303
00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:47,556
And, kids, come on, let's...
let's give your father some space.

304
00:12:50,768 --> 00:12:51,811
Okay.

305
00:12:51,894 --> 00:12:53,771
Apples and pears, apples and pears.

306
00:12:53,854 --> 00:12:55,231
Sibilance. Sibilance.

307
00:12:58,401 --> 00:12:59,902
Peter! Come to the Clam, quick!

308
00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:02,989
Frances lost a bet and she's
Coyote Ugly-ing on the bar!

309
00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:09,495
And three-time People's Choice
Award winner Patrick Dempsey is here!

310
00:13:11,414 --> 00:13:15,084
Uh-oh! Those T-shirts are
clinging on something terrible.

311
00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:17,003
But what are they gonna do about it?

312
00:13:17,086 --> 00:13:18,087
Ready, Patrick?

313
00:13:18,170 --> 00:13:19,255
Ready, Frances.

314
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,675
No! My phone is dead?

315
00:13:23,467 --> 00:13:25,011
Dead!

316
00:13:26,595 --> 00:13:28,848
Wow! Would you look at
that? A breakthrough!

317
00:13:28,931 --> 00:13:31,934
I, and to a far lesser
extent, Peter, did it!

318
00:13:32,476 --> 00:13:34,854
I guess nobody's gonna mention my suit.

319
00:13:38,149 --> 00:13:40,158
Well, Meg, this was a very inappropriate

320
00:13:40,168 --> 00:13:41,777
time to call shotgun on your father,

321
00:13:41,861 --> 00:13:44,864
but Peter, we are all very proud of you.

322
00:13:44,947 --> 00:13:47,033
You finally let yourself grieve.

323
00:13:47,116 --> 00:13:48,909
Thanks, and all good about the shotgun.

324
00:13:48,993 --> 00:13:50,828
I'll just kick her seat
every three seconds.

325
00:13:50,911 --> 00:13:54,707
Dad, I'm just glad you're feeling
better, and we all love you.

326
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,751
Yeah, way to go, Dad!

327
00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:57,835
Thanks, guys.

328
00:13:57,918 --> 00:13:59,545
I feel like I've done the work.

329
00:13:59,628 --> 00:14:01,213
You sure have.

330
00:14:01,297 --> 00:14:04,467
And as a reward, we have
one last surprise for you.

331
00:14:04,550 --> 00:14:05,551
You do?

332
00:14:05,634 --> 00:14:06,969
Ah, crap.

333
00:14:07,053 --> 00:14:08,262
Isn't this great?

334
00:14:08,345 --> 00:14:10,806
Your whole family at
your favorite place.

335
00:14:10,890 --> 00:14:13,851
This is, like,
undoubtedly my future, huh?

336
00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:16,264
Yeah. You'll probably go to Arizona for

337
00:14:16,274 --> 00:14:18,147
a year or two, but you'll be back.

338
00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:19,315
It'll be too much.

339
00:14:19,398 --> 00:14:22,068
So, do we order with
a waitress here, or...

340
00:14:22,151 --> 00:14:23,861
No, no! Let me handle this. Jerome!

341
00:14:24,403 --> 00:14:27,073
I would like to make an
anonymous bomb threat.

342
00:14:27,156 --> 00:14:31,118
Peter, for the last time,
that doesn't work face-to-face.

343
00:14:31,202 --> 00:14:32,244
How about now?

344
00:14:33,037 --> 00:14:34,038
Oh, here's someone.

345
00:14:34,121 --> 00:14:35,539
Miss! Hi.

346
00:14:35,623 --> 00:14:38,626
A round of drinks for my
wonderful, cured husband!

347
00:14:38,709 --> 00:14:40,211
Oh, hey there!

348
00:14:40,294 --> 00:14:41,962
Peter, I didn't know you had a family.

349
00:14:42,046 --> 00:14:44,465
Frances! We need
silverware for table four.

350
00:15:01,148 --> 00:15:02,399
Dad?

351
00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:08,948
Let me get this straight.

352
00:15:09,031 --> 00:15:10,449
You only hung out with us

353
00:15:10,533 --> 00:15:12,900
in order to not have to confess to Mom

354
00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:14,995
that you weren't actually shouting out

355
00:15:15,079 --> 00:15:16,705
Grandpa's name during sex,

356
00:15:16,789 --> 00:15:20,000
but rather, the name of a woman
to whom you are not married?

357
00:15:20,084 --> 00:15:21,710
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa there, Chris.

358
00:15:21,794 --> 00:15:23,170
That is exactly right.

359
00:15:23,254 --> 00:15:26,173
All that big work on yourself
I thought you were doing.

360
00:15:26,257 --> 00:15:27,675
Peter, this is a new low.

361
00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:28,926
Yeah, I can't even look at you.

362
00:15:29,009 --> 00:15:31,178
Come on, kids. We're leaving.

363
00:15:31,262 --> 00:15:32,429
Now, if you'll excuse me,

364
00:15:32,513 --> 00:15:33,882
the sounds you're gonna hear as

365
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,267
I angrily slide out are the vinyl seats,

366
00:15:36,350 --> 00:15:37,560
not farts.

367
00:15:43,482 --> 00:15:45,317
Don't bother coming home tonight.

368
00:15:47,278 --> 00:15:49,280
She was way out of the
booth for that last one.

369
00:15:49,572 --> 00:15:52,241
Not gonna sugarcoat it,
Peter. That was brutal.

370
00:15:52,324 --> 00:15:54,326
Well, I guess I gotta
get my family back.

371
00:15:54,410 --> 00:15:57,663
You know, Bon's been making some
great sea glass jewelry lately.

372
00:15:57,746 --> 00:16:01,208
Great way to say you're sorry,
with some sad-hobby sea glass.

373
00:16:01,292 --> 00:16:02,293
No thanks, Joe.

374
00:16:02,376 --> 00:16:04,128
I know just what I gotta do.

375
00:16:04,211 --> 00:16:06,839
I just need a boombox
and some Peter Gabriel.

376
00:16:07,506 --> 00:16:09,925
Tell you what, Joe, I
will buy Bonnie's sea glass

377
00:16:10,009 --> 00:16:11,815
in exchange for you purchasing 60

378
00:16:11,825 --> 00:16:14,221
bottles of Donna's Tahitian Noni Juice.

379
00:16:14,305 --> 00:16:16,473
Let's do it. We gotta keep 'em happy.

380
00:16:16,557 --> 00:16:20,603
This is a sad little micro-economy
we've created to stay married.

381
00:17:39,682 --> 00:17:41,767
Peter, what are you doing?

382
00:17:41,850 --> 00:17:43,102
I'm doing Say Anything,

383
00:17:43,185 --> 00:17:45,271
but that Peter Gabriel
song is too expensive,

384
00:17:45,354 --> 00:17:48,274
so this is "1,001 Wacky Sound Effects."

385
00:17:50,276 --> 00:17:52,194
You see Dad's quivering delts?

386
00:17:52,278 --> 00:17:54,071
That's why we don't skip delts day.

387
00:17:54,154 --> 00:17:55,322
What do you think, Lois?

388
00:17:55,406 --> 00:17:56,407
I hate it.

389
00:17:56,490 --> 00:17:57,908
That's okay, that's okay.

390
00:17:57,992 --> 00:17:59,159
What about the butt kite?

391
00:17:59,702 --> 00:18:01,161
The butt kite makes it worse!

392
00:18:01,245 --> 00:18:02,997
It's an egregious waste of tickets!

393
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,670
Leave me alone.

394
00:18:11,630 --> 00:18:13,382
I guess we both struck out.

395
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:16,939
Yeah. Would you mind driving
me to a series of appointments?

396
00:18:20,639 --> 00:18:22,308
Sorry, the couch doesn't pull out.

397
00:18:22,391 --> 00:18:24,935
Giggity. But seriously,
you're... You're gonna sleep bad.

398
00:18:25,019 --> 00:18:26,020
It's okay.

399
00:18:26,103 --> 00:18:27,896
Thanks for letting me
stay here, Quagmire.

400
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:30,941
No problem. Just know a woman's
coming over later to hurt me,

401
00:18:31,025 --> 00:18:32,693
and I didn't pay her to hurt you, too.

402
00:18:32,776 --> 00:18:34,486
But if you wanna pitch
in, like, 15 bucks,

403
00:18:34,570 --> 00:18:36,322
she could probably
noogie you on the way out.

404
00:18:36,405 --> 00:18:37,615
Aw, that's nice.

405
00:18:37,698 --> 00:18:40,284
Peter, Lois is only gonna
forgive you if you man up,

406
00:18:40,367 --> 00:18:41,577
and you actually do the work.

407
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:43,746
Oh! My escort's here.

408
00:18:44,997 --> 00:18:46,123
Ni ha... Ow!

409
00:18:46,206 --> 00:18:47,249
And we're on the clock.

410
00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:56,008
So, are you gonna
apologize to me or what?

411
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:57,676
That's not what we're doing, Peter.

412
00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,094
Oh, right. For once, it's on me.

413
00:18:59,178 --> 00:19:00,929
- I'm shutting the door now.
- Wait.

414
00:19:01,013 --> 00:19:02,139
I've got something to say.

415
00:19:02,222 --> 00:19:04,767
I wrote that letter to
my dad, like you wanted.

416
00:19:04,850 --> 00:19:06,435
You... You did?

417
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:07,698
"Dear Dad... "

418
00:19:07,853 --> 00:19:09,602
This first paragraph is mostly questions

419
00:19:09,612 --> 00:19:10,981
about what it's like being a ghost,

420
00:19:11,065 --> 00:19:12,232
so I'll skip down a bit.

421
00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:16,612
"Dad, if there's one thing I
never got to say to you, it's this.

422
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:20,252
You had a massive blackhead on
your cheek for most of my childhood.

423
00:19:20,263 --> 00:19:22,057
I don't know how you didn't see it.

424
00:19:22,164 --> 00:19:23,332
What I'm getting at is,

425
00:19:23,535 --> 00:19:25,537
you were a pretty crappy father.

426
00:19:25,548 --> 00:19:27,216
I could never make you proud,

427
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,143
even when I broke into Nancy Pelosi's

428
00:19:29,246 --> 00:19:31,085
office and put my feet up on the desk,

429
00:19:31,118 --> 00:19:33,037
just like we always joked about doin'.

430
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:34,716
I knew it wouldn't be enough.

431
00:19:34,842 --> 00:19:36,051
And I realize now that

432
00:19:36,122 --> 00:19:38,416
I never want to be that kind of dad.

433
00:19:38,592 --> 00:19:39,718
I'm not perfect,

434
00:19:39,802 --> 00:19:42,429
but I'll always be
proud of my idiot kids.

435
00:19:42,513 --> 00:19:44,515
So, turns out the
one thing you did right

436
00:19:44,598 --> 00:19:48,060
was showing me the kind of dad
and husband I don't want to be.

437
00:19:48,602 --> 00:19:50,270
So, goodbye, Dad.

438
00:19:50,354 --> 00:19:52,064
I hope I'm better than you.

439
00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:54,608
But also, please answer
my ghost questions. Amen."

440
00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:56,527
Peter, you did it.

441
00:19:56,538 --> 00:19:58,540
You actually did the work.

442
00:19:58,987 --> 00:20:00,239
I love you, Lois.

443
00:20:00,322 --> 00:20:02,324
I love you too, Peter.

444
00:20:04,743 --> 00:20:06,745
Sorry I yelled the hot lady's name.

445
00:20:06,829 --> 00:20:07,996
Oh, it's all right.

446
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,832
If it makes you feel
better, when we're doing it,

447
00:20:09,915 --> 00:20:12,418
I'm mostly thinking
about Chris Hemsworth.

448
00:20:12,501 --> 00:20:14,503
Is that why you whispered
"Chris" that one time?

449
00:20:14,586 --> 00:20:16,213
I thought you just meant our son.

450
00:20:16,296 --> 00:20:17,548
Aw, now I'm upset.

451
00:20:23,168 --> 00:20:25,128
Well, it's good to be
livin' at home again.

452
00:20:25,139 --> 00:20:27,224
But I appreciate you letting
me stay with you, Quagmire.

453
00:20:27,413 --> 00:20:28,414
No problem, Peter.

454
00:20:28,425 --> 00:20:31,136
By the way, you left your
Minions pajamas at my place.

455
00:20:31,186 --> 00:20:33,313
Keep 'em. Lois says I'm
not supposed to wear them

456
00:20:33,397 --> 00:20:35,357
'cause they keep me
up laughing too much.

457
00:20:35,566 --> 00:20:36,650
Thanks, Jerome.

458
00:20:36,734 --> 00:20:38,652
Hey, what ever happened to Frances?

459
00:20:38,736 --> 00:20:42,239
I don't know. She just suddenly
stopped coming in to work last week.

460
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,537
There you go, Frances.

461
00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:50,414
Jerome told us it was your dream
to go to nursing school, so go!

462
00:20:50,425 --> 00:20:52,511
Uh, I wanted to be a tattoo artist.

463
00:20:52,666 --> 00:20:55,669
Eh, tattoo artist, nurse,
it's all gravy, baby!

464
00:20:55,753 --> 00:20:56,837
Gun it, Bon!

465
00:21:06,093 --> 00:21:11,093
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