1 00:00:36,501 --> 00:00:39,373 You read People? What a stupid magazine. 2 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,546 "Fit and Fabulous at Seventy-Five." 3 00:00:42,612 --> 00:00:44,951 Ugh. Blake Lively just filed another suit 4 00:00:44,984 --> 00:00:46,353 in Prince Edward Island. 5 00:00:46,387 --> 00:00:48,391 How many places is she gonna sue that guy? 6 00:00:48,391 --> 00:00:49,995 You know, honestly, I still don't understand 7 00:00:49,995 --> 00:00:51,631 who Justin Baldoni is, 8 00:00:51,664 --> 00:00:53,668 where he came from, or where he's going. 9 00:00:53,668 --> 00:00:55,405 Yeah, he just appeared out of nowhere. 10 00:00:55,405 --> 00:00:56,976 Are we sure he's not AI or something? 11 00:00:57,042 --> 00:00:58,678 Well, whoever he is, I hope Ryan Reynolds 12 00:00:58,711 --> 00:01:00,415 gives him a good bop on the beezer. 13 00:01:01,533 --> 00:01:03,543 That's what I need: A Ryan Reynolds. 14 00:01:03,554 --> 00:01:04,657 What are you talking about? 15 00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:06,427 I'm a single, unwed baby. 16 00:01:06,427 --> 00:01:08,398 I'm in the prime of my life right now, Bri. 17 00:01:08,431 --> 00:01:10,668 I've got a steady allowance, I love to time-travel, 18 00:01:10,668 --> 00:01:12,506 I'm potty-trained, and here I am, 19 00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,009 no ring on my finger. 20 00:01:14,009 --> 00:01:15,278 Stewie, you are way too young 21 00:01:15,278 --> 00:01:17,016 to even be thinking about getting married. 22 00:01:17,016 --> 00:01:18,093 Where is this coming from? 23 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,244 I just don't want to end up old and alone 24 00:01:20,255 --> 00:01:21,423 like Bill Clinton. 25 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,519 Hey, Hillary, I realize there's no attraction here, 26 00:01:24,530 --> 00:01:26,935 but could you at least not wear my pants? 27 00:01:30,708 --> 00:01:33,081 It's so nice to have the kids out of the house. 28 00:01:33,103 --> 00:01:34,974 Yeah, I think the school is gonna be locked down 29 00:01:34,985 --> 00:01:37,122 for a few more hours till they get the shooter. 30 00:01:37,144 --> 00:01:40,751 Aw, we should do these home date nights more often. 31 00:01:40,762 --> 00:01:44,036 Or we could go to PetSmart and look at turtles? 32 00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:48,445 Hey, can I get a bite of your single piece of wilting lettuce? 33 00:01:48,445 --> 00:01:49,747 Perfect. 34 00:01:49,814 --> 00:01:52,119 This is why I asked you before I ordered. 35 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,982 Maybe it's the two-dollar wine that's mostly chemicals, 36 00:01:55,993 --> 00:01:59,266 but I have a crazy idea to spice things up. 37 00:01:59,379 --> 00:02:03,052 On three, you tell me one thing you've always wanted to do, 38 00:02:03,063 --> 00:02:06,302 and I'll tell you one thing I've always wanted to do. 39 00:02:06,313 --> 00:02:08,184 I like that. I can count to three. 40 00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:10,467 Okay. On three. 41 00:02:10,810 --> 00:02:12,413 One, two... 42 00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:13,786 - Crumble Pringles on pizza. - Make a sex tape! 43 00:02:13,797 --> 00:02:16,168 - I mean sex tape. - Okay, let's do it! 44 00:02:17,636 --> 00:02:19,440 Oh. 45 00:02:21,229 --> 00:02:24,583 Huh. Lot more coughing and sneezing than I remember. 46 00:02:24,616 --> 00:02:27,322 And you're positive this isn't that tape that kills you 47 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,904 if you watch it in seven days? 48 00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:30,197 Pretty sure. 49 00:02:30,952 --> 00:02:33,590 - Is it paused? - Unfortunately, no. 50 00:02:33,656 --> 00:02:35,594 Uh, we're just kind of in a lull. 51 00:02:35,627 --> 00:02:37,498 When you're on top of me, I can't move, 52 00:02:37,509 --> 00:02:38,714 and then you fall asleep. 53 00:02:41,517 --> 00:02:42,786 I-I'm awake, I'm awake. 54 00:02:42,820 --> 00:02:44,356 Ah, crap. 55 00:02:44,389 --> 00:02:45,525 I got to put the bins out. 56 00:02:45,559 --> 00:02:46,962 Do you have to do that now? 57 00:02:47,029 --> 00:02:48,899 I'll be right back. 58 00:02:49,010 --> 00:02:50,646 You can't put metal in there. 59 00:02:50,657 --> 00:02:52,461 Why don't we just fast-forward? 60 00:02:53,775 --> 00:02:55,111 Sir, your trash cans 61 00:02:55,145 --> 00:02:56,380 have to be three inches apart. 62 00:02:56,380 --> 00:02:57,549 We've had this conversation. 63 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:58,729 They are three inches apart. 64 00:02:58,841 --> 00:03:00,377 I can prove it right now. 65 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,393 I think we should fast-forward more. 66 00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:08,571 We now return to The Banshees of Ed Sheeran. 67 00:03:08,637 --> 00:03:10,675 For every new song you release, 68 00:03:10,675 --> 00:03:12,680 I'm gonna cut off one of me fingers. 69 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,350 Well, break out those pinky shears 70 00:03:14,383 --> 00:03:18,558 'cause here comes me new trak "Weak-Chinned Ginger Lover." 71 00:03:18,581 --> 00:03:20,551 Brrr. Is it cold in here? 72 00:03:20,562 --> 00:03:23,668 Or maybe it's me 'cause I brought the ice. 73 00:03:23,668 --> 00:03:25,071 Stewie, I'm a busy man. 74 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,242 If you've got something to say, just say it. 75 00:03:27,309 --> 00:03:31,150 I guess you could say I'm no longer a single lady. 76 00:03:31,150 --> 00:03:32,686 Get it? Like "fiancé"? 77 00:03:32,742 --> 00:03:34,178 Okay, what's going on? 78 00:03:34,189 --> 00:03:36,561 Rupert asked me to marry him, and I said yes. 79 00:03:36,594 --> 00:03:38,999 That's wonderful, Stewie. 80 00:03:39,032 --> 00:03:40,035 Congrats. 81 00:03:40,124 --> 00:03:41,393 Boy, I can't believe 82 00:03:41,404 --> 00:03:43,809 my little brother got engaged before me. 83 00:03:43,842 --> 00:03:46,146 Tick tock, Chris, tick tock. 84 00:03:46,236 --> 00:03:49,309 I don't think the ring got quite enough attention. 85 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,257 Wow, that's a big rock. 86 00:03:51,460 --> 00:03:53,584 Well, I asked for three carats or eight inches, 87 00:03:53,595 --> 00:03:55,198 and you don't get both. 88 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:01,945 Hi, Brian. Sorry about the mess. 89 00:04:01,979 --> 00:04:03,581 We're working on our invites. 90 00:04:03,581 --> 00:04:06,221 Mr. Thrifty over here wants to use Evite. 91 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:07,489 You're still doing this? 92 00:04:07,556 --> 00:04:09,160 Thought you would've moved on by now. 93 00:04:09,193 --> 00:04:10,217 Moved on? 94 00:04:10,228 --> 00:04:12,132 This is a lifetime commitment, Brian. 95 00:04:12,132 --> 00:04:14,336 Well, I saw your registry, and I'm not buying you 96 00:04:14,336 --> 00:04:15,873 a three-hundred-dollar pasta maker. 97 00:04:15,906 --> 00:04:17,709 That's all right. The fettuccine attachment 98 00:04:17,742 --> 00:04:19,146 is the only real need. 99 00:04:19,146 --> 00:04:22,085 Rupert likes a heartier noodle, if you catch my drift. 100 00:04:22,085 --> 00:04:23,109 I don't want to. 101 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,024 Oh, did you get the "save the date" card? 102 00:04:25,058 --> 00:04:27,863 No, and I don't know why anyone is entertaining any of this. 103 00:04:27,897 --> 00:04:30,769 Oh, I get it. Brian is jealous. 104 00:04:30,836 --> 00:04:32,739 We're gonna hang out after I get married. 105 00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:34,878 First, once a month, then once a year, 106 00:04:34,878 --> 00:04:37,349 then once we have kids, never again. 107 00:04:40,756 --> 00:04:42,025 If I ended a speech with, 108 00:04:42,025 --> 00:04:44,029 "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night," 109 00:04:44,029 --> 00:04:46,367 you-you'd get the reference, right? 110 00:04:46,367 --> 00:04:47,904 Should I say, "Live from New York, 111 00:04:47,904 --> 00:04:49,506 it's Saturday Night Live"? 112 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:50,775 Is-is that more clear? 113 00:04:50,775 --> 00:04:53,047 Whatever this is for, you should not. 114 00:04:53,047 --> 00:04:55,920 I'm working on my best man speech for Stewie's wedding. 115 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,191 Oh. Well, this is awkward. 116 00:04:58,224 --> 00:05:01,530 Um, Stewie asked me to be the best man. 117 00:05:01,564 --> 00:05:03,001 What? He did? 118 00:05:03,034 --> 00:05:05,940 Stewie wants you to be the ring bearer instead. 119 00:05:06,007 --> 00:05:08,244 He thinks it'll be very cute. 120 00:05:08,277 --> 00:05:09,747 Honestly, I don't think so. 121 00:05:09,780 --> 00:05:11,384 You're not very charismatic. 122 00:05:11,384 --> 00:05:12,686 But I'm his best friend. 123 00:05:12,753 --> 00:05:14,323 Well, I guess not anymore. 124 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:17,028 How are you gonna come up with a rousing best man speech? 125 00:05:17,062 --> 00:05:18,799 You can barely read or write. 126 00:05:18,799 --> 00:05:21,537 It's not my fault the school replaced the English department 127 00:05:21,537 --> 00:05:23,174 with DoorDash training. 128 00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:26,280 How many fries can you take before it becomes noticeable? 129 00:05:26,313 --> 00:05:28,217 - Nine. - Good job, Chris. 130 00:05:28,251 --> 00:05:30,655 And do you read the delivery instructions? 131 00:05:30,689 --> 00:05:32,259 Absolutely not. 132 00:05:32,292 --> 00:05:33,728 Now repeat after me: 133 00:05:33,796 --> 00:05:35,265 "This is how they gave it to me." 134 00:05:35,331 --> 00:05:37,202 This is how they gave it to me. 135 00:05:37,236 --> 00:05:40,107 I have a delivery for Mr. Anderson. 136 00:05:40,141 --> 00:05:41,276 Where's my bun? 137 00:05:41,310 --> 00:05:42,814 This is how they gave it to me. 138 00:05:42,847 --> 00:05:44,951 Last year's valedictorian. 139 00:05:44,985 --> 00:05:47,422 Th-This is why you do it, people. 140 00:05:55,238 --> 00:05:57,843 - What's up with your face? - Don't be alarmed. 141 00:05:57,843 --> 00:06:00,883 I'm doing a series of peels before the wedding. 142 00:06:00,949 --> 00:06:03,989 Trust me, it's going to look gorge the day of. 143 00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:08,030 So, for theme, are you thinking rustic or regency? 144 00:06:08,097 --> 00:06:09,566 No, no, my friend. 145 00:06:09,566 --> 00:06:11,103 Nautical-cottagecore. 146 00:06:11,103 --> 00:06:13,843 Together? But they're completely different. 147 00:06:13,843 --> 00:06:16,179 It's-it's never been done. 148 00:06:16,179 --> 00:06:17,349 You're crazy. 149 00:06:17,416 --> 00:06:18,585 Crazy like a... 150 00:06:20,121 --> 00:06:23,895 Hey, bud, we're kind of in the middle of something. 151 00:06:25,866 --> 00:06:28,471 Stewie, I was thinking, given the limited size 152 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,541 of the venue, we... 153 00:06:30,541 --> 00:06:34,750 we should really talk about not giving plus-ones to guests 154 00:06:34,750 --> 00:06:36,453 without significant others. 155 00:06:36,487 --> 00:06:37,723 How significant? 156 00:06:37,756 --> 00:06:40,728 They should be dating for at least six months. 157 00:06:42,165 --> 00:06:44,236 What if it's a "friends with benefits" situation 158 00:06:44,269 --> 00:06:46,540 that could eventually turn into a real relationship? 159 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:49,513 You must have a minimum of three grid posts together 160 00:06:49,579 --> 00:06:50,850 at the time of the wedding. 161 00:06:50,883 --> 00:06:52,753 No story. Just grid. 162 00:06:52,786 --> 00:06:54,122 I don't know what I'd do 163 00:06:54,155 --> 00:06:56,160 if you weren't here steering the ship, Chris. 164 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,597 Well, I'm off to Kayce's to get waxed. 165 00:06:58,631 --> 00:07:01,003 This peach has fuzzed for too long. 166 00:07:01,037 --> 00:07:03,876 Oh, Brian, before I forget... 167 00:07:03,909 --> 00:07:06,546 This is a photo of Sabrina Carpenter's house. 168 00:07:06,613 --> 00:07:08,785 Sorry, that's a personal project. 169 00:07:08,819 --> 00:07:10,321 Wait, this is just a list 170 00:07:10,321 --> 00:07:12,092 of wedding errands you want me to do. 171 00:07:12,159 --> 00:07:13,928 Isn't that your job as best man? 172 00:07:13,928 --> 00:07:16,300 I'm very busy picking out the signature cocktail. 173 00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:18,939 I was thinking of a tropical-based drink 174 00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,642 with a literary twist. 175 00:07:20,642 --> 00:07:22,412 I... I want to do that. 176 00:07:22,446 --> 00:07:24,817 Sorry, I already thought of "L. Rum Hubbard," 177 00:07:24,884 --> 00:07:26,053 and we're doing it. 178 00:07:26,086 --> 00:07:27,422 And I need you to pick up 179 00:07:27,455 --> 00:07:29,426 Stewie's fraternity brothers at the airport. 180 00:07:29,493 --> 00:07:30,796 Fraternity brothers? 181 00:07:30,829 --> 00:07:33,367 Here's their flight info. 182 00:07:33,434 --> 00:07:36,206 This is a video for how to break into someone's house 183 00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:38,678 with a link to Sabrina Carpenter's address. 184 00:07:38,711 --> 00:07:40,782 Oh, boy, my AirDrop settings 185 00:07:40,817 --> 00:07:43,054 have been all over the place lately. 186 00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:46,059 Got to see them night boobs. 187 00:07:49,935 --> 00:07:52,772 I can't believe how awful our sex tape was. 188 00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:55,178 If-if I'm being honest, I guess I never really 189 00:07:55,211 --> 00:07:57,816 thought about how long Peter's ass crack was. 190 00:07:57,850 --> 00:07:59,586 Well, as an outside observer, 191 00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:01,323 it seems like it would be very long. 192 00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:02,960 Making a sex tape is hard. 193 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,097 When we made ours, we had to recast Joe. 194 00:08:05,097 --> 00:08:08,737 Turns out, we just needed a Joe Swanson "type." 195 00:08:08,805 --> 00:08:12,011 Hold for plane. Hold for plane. 196 00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:15,271 All right, Gatorades down, back on all fours 197 00:08:15,474 --> 00:08:17,678 in three, two, one. 198 00:08:17,689 --> 00:08:20,761 I once made a naughty librarian porn. 199 00:08:20,829 --> 00:08:23,133 I spanked a guy with a book, 200 00:08:23,256 --> 00:08:26,329 but I went too hard and I broke his anus. 201 00:08:26,396 --> 00:08:28,533 A lot of people don't think there's bones down there, 202 00:08:28,544 --> 00:08:30,681 but they're there. 203 00:08:30,715 --> 00:08:32,219 They're there. 204 00:08:33,043 --> 00:08:37,051 I don't have many close female friendships. 205 00:08:39,923 --> 00:08:42,228 So, how do you know the S-Man? 206 00:08:42,465 --> 00:08:44,368 Lambda Chi? Or Bank of America? 207 00:08:44,379 --> 00:08:47,549 As former frat guys, we all work at Bank of America now. 208 00:08:47,767 --> 00:08:50,340 You get three percent back on all gasoline purchases 209 00:08:50,373 --> 00:08:52,076 with the Freedom Flex reward card. 210 00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:53,946 Brian, where do you do your checking? 211 00:08:53,979 --> 00:08:55,216 I'm good with my bank. 212 00:08:55,249 --> 00:08:56,752 And what the hell are you guys talking about? 213 00:08:56,785 --> 00:08:57,854 Stewie didn't go to college. 214 00:08:57,887 --> 00:09:00,693 Well, he didn't go to class, I'll tell you that much. 215 00:09:03,165 --> 00:09:05,069 The Stewman is a total legend. 216 00:09:05,069 --> 00:09:06,605 One time, he took a dump 217 00:09:06,639 --> 00:09:09,211 that got stuck and clogged up the whole house. 218 00:09:09,211 --> 00:09:12,083 For a year, I just went into a TaylorMade golf bag. 219 00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:14,989 - He banged my dad as a goof. - He did what now? 220 00:09:15,056 --> 00:09:17,093 Oh, he's always banging dads. 221 00:09:17,093 --> 00:09:19,130 - Total prankster. - You'd hate to be 222 00:09:19,197 --> 00:09:21,534 an un-banged dad around that guy. 223 00:09:21,568 --> 00:09:23,539 Total legend. 224 00:09:26,579 --> 00:09:28,115 The gang's all here. 225 00:09:28,115 --> 00:09:29,985 I thought you couldn't leave the state. 226 00:09:30,052 --> 00:09:32,490 Spirit Airlines never pressed charges. 227 00:09:32,523 --> 00:09:35,062 Sorry, Brian, I need you to run more errands. 228 00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:36,665 Can you pick up some centerpieces 229 00:09:36,698 --> 00:09:37,900 for the bachelor party? 230 00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:41,508 They're all very phallus-shaped, so without being too blunt, 231 00:09:41,508 --> 00:09:44,147 how many sexual aids can you hold at once? 232 00:09:44,213 --> 00:09:45,750 How big are the sexual aids? 233 00:09:45,817 --> 00:09:48,589 They're, they're substantial. 234 00:09:53,166 --> 00:09:56,905 Oh. Mr. Bond. Mmm... 235 00:09:56,916 --> 00:09:58,353 We should have watched Paul Blart. 236 00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:00,468 Guaranteed zero sex scenes. 237 00:10:00,636 --> 00:10:03,475 See? The bottoms of his feet aren't black. 238 00:10:03,486 --> 00:10:05,623 Well, I guess he didn't have an awesome afternoon 239 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:08,378 burying Star Wars figurines in the garden. 240 00:10:08,389 --> 00:10:10,392 I'm going to bed. 241 00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:18,449 Well, I'm going to ignore this uncomfortable situation 242 00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:20,965 by checking the weather in other cities. 243 00:10:20,976 --> 00:10:23,881 Huh, it's gonna be thirty-five in D.C. 244 00:10:23,892 --> 00:10:26,597 Wow. Forty in Denver, though. 245 00:10:26,721 --> 00:10:29,160 Fresno and Baltimore are the same temp? 246 00:10:29,227 --> 00:10:31,130 You don't see that a lot. 247 00:10:31,141 --> 00:10:34,047 No, you don't. 248 00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:38,155 Finally, I get to have some fun. 249 00:10:38,155 --> 00:10:39,290 Oh, you're not coming in. 250 00:10:39,301 --> 00:10:41,271 Your job is to hold all our wallets 251 00:10:41,328 --> 00:10:44,867 and not give them to us no matter how much we beg you. 252 00:10:45,669 --> 00:10:47,307 - Give it to me! - I need my wallet! 253 00:10:47,307 --> 00:10:51,515 Please, I promised Valentina I'd pay for her grad school. 254 00:10:53,929 --> 00:10:56,291 Hey, weren't there three fraternity brothers? 255 00:10:56,302 --> 00:10:59,342 Yeah, Crazy RJ put fentanyl in the strip club pasta, 256 00:10:59,431 --> 00:11:00,833 and Venkatesh died. 257 00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:03,538 I need you to build a wooden funeral boat. 258 00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:08,022 He beat cancer just to die like this. 259 00:11:08,033 --> 00:11:09,369 Crazy, man. 260 00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:11,054 All right, let's get back to the strip club 261 00:11:11,054 --> 00:11:13,492 before they take our wings off the table. 262 00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:18,001 Good morning, I'm Tom Tucker. 263 00:11:18,046 --> 00:11:20,784 This just in: War rages on in the Middle East. 264 00:11:20,795 --> 00:11:23,634 And this not quite in: Local man Peter Griffin 265 00:11:23,645 --> 00:11:26,585 tries to pleasure his wife in home sex tape. 266 00:11:29,958 --> 00:11:31,227 It was totally in. 267 00:11:31,261 --> 00:11:33,172 Peter, they have our sex tape. 268 00:11:33,183 --> 00:11:35,454 - How did this get out? - I got no idea. 269 00:11:35,669 --> 00:11:38,208 I mean, I did put it on YouTube, 'cause I thought 270 00:11:38,242 --> 00:11:40,245 that's where you put things that are just for you. 271 00:11:40,256 --> 00:11:42,594 YouTube didn't even bother to censor the video, 272 00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,854 classifying it as a nature documentary 273 00:11:44,865 --> 00:11:46,502 instead of pornography. 274 00:11:50,987 --> 00:11:52,389 Hey, I don't want to be too forward, 275 00:11:52,603 --> 00:11:56,412 but are you just not gonna donate to Venkatesh's GoFundMe? 276 00:11:56,478 --> 00:11:58,415 He had a sister, dude. 277 00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,830 She's forty-two and very wealthy, but we're still trying 278 00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:02,557 - to support her. - No, thanks. 279 00:12:02,624 --> 00:12:05,496 Well, are you at least gonna pay for your room at the Airbnb? 280 00:12:05,529 --> 00:12:07,133 I didn't go to an Airbnb. 281 00:12:07,133 --> 00:12:09,525 Well, we agreed to split it evenly. 282 00:12:09,536 --> 00:12:11,006 You know, you and Stewie have been treating me 283 00:12:11,175 --> 00:12:12,811 like a service animal all week. 284 00:12:12,844 --> 00:12:15,515 Um, is this about you eating twelve hundred bucks 285 00:12:15,549 --> 00:12:18,789 when no one showed up for the lavender field experience? 286 00:12:18,823 --> 00:12:20,259 You know, it was just me and the guide, 287 00:12:20,259 --> 00:12:21,628 and I had a lovely time. 288 00:12:21,661 --> 00:12:24,401 But, no, this is about me not being best man. 289 00:12:24,434 --> 00:12:26,305 Yeah, because you're the ring bearer. 290 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,874 We've been through this. 291 00:12:27,874 --> 00:12:29,511 - Here. - What's this for? 292 00:12:29,544 --> 00:12:31,681 You're gonna have to tie the pillow around your waist 293 00:12:31,681 --> 00:12:34,021 since Stewie wants you to be on all fours. 294 00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,556 The ribbon is adjustable. 295 00:12:35,556 --> 00:12:38,028 I noticed you ate a lot of strip club pasta. 296 00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,399 - I had a normal amount. - Not really. 297 00:12:40,432 --> 00:12:43,205 Venkatesh was talking about it before he died. 298 00:12:43,271 --> 00:12:45,309 Okay, that's it. I'm done being humiliated. 299 00:12:45,309 --> 00:12:47,880 I am not coming to this ridiculous wedding. 300 00:12:47,913 --> 00:12:49,284 Okay, well, that's fine. 301 00:12:49,284 --> 00:12:51,454 I regretted ordering the salmon, anyway, 302 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,893 so this way I can just eat your steak. 303 00:12:53,926 --> 00:12:55,162 I also ordered the salmon. 304 00:12:55,162 --> 00:12:57,667 Get out of my house! 305 00:12:57,700 --> 00:13:00,472 Why are we all pretending we want salmon? 306 00:13:06,284 --> 00:13:09,324 I can't believe the big day is here already. 307 00:13:09,324 --> 00:13:11,461 Everyone's saying I'm next. 308 00:13:11,461 --> 00:13:13,699 - Maybe. - Can I ask you something? 309 00:13:13,732 --> 00:13:16,772 Do you think I say "in my heart of hearts" too many times 310 00:13:16,805 --> 00:13:17,941 in my wedding vows? 311 00:13:17,941 --> 00:13:19,811 If I'm being honest? Yes. 312 00:13:19,844 --> 00:13:20,980 I'm still on the fence. 313 00:13:21,048 --> 00:13:22,484 Let's ask Brian. Where is he? 314 00:13:22,517 --> 00:13:24,454 I'm afraid Brian isn't coming, Stewie. 315 00:13:24,488 --> 00:13:28,595 I'm sorry. He's kind of going through something right now. 316 00:13:28,629 --> 00:13:31,335 I see. I was hoping during "Hot Hot Hot," 317 00:13:31,335 --> 00:13:32,604 he would get onstage 318 00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,443 and start the "Who's hot?" call-and-response. 319 00:13:35,476 --> 00:13:38,215 But I guess that's not in the cards. 320 00:13:40,652 --> 00:13:42,890 You know, it's not that bad. 321 00:13:42,924 --> 00:13:44,927 We're actually getting a lot of positive feedback 322 00:13:44,961 --> 00:13:46,097 on our sex tape. 323 00:13:46,097 --> 00:13:48,068 We got one thousand thumbs up 324 00:13:48,102 --> 00:13:50,138 and over a hundred thumbs in. 325 00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:52,043 The porn community is very creative. 326 00:13:52,205 --> 00:13:55,383 Oh, and look, somebody named "ChrisGriffOfficial", 327 00:13:55,383 --> 00:13:58,822 without a check mark, posted three water droplets. 328 00:14:01,394 --> 00:14:03,665 Mayor West? That's weird. 329 00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:05,492 - Hello? - Hi, Peter. 330 00:14:05,503 --> 00:14:07,340 I'm calling from an iPhone 3 331 00:14:07,373 --> 00:14:09,377 that only works for fifteen minutes a day, 332 00:14:09,377 --> 00:14:12,250 so we may be disconnected at any time. 333 00:14:12,261 --> 00:14:14,632 Now, the whole town is in a tizzy 334 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:17,226 over your cinematic comingling. 335 00:14:17,237 --> 00:14:18,674 We'd like to honor you and the missus 336 00:14:18,685 --> 00:14:21,591 for your artistic contributions to the art form 337 00:14:21,724 --> 00:14:23,795 with the Nearby Adults Active 338 00:14:23,806 --> 00:14:26,545 in Creating Pornography Image Award. 339 00:14:26,556 --> 00:14:28,260 Wha-What's he saying? 340 00:14:28,282 --> 00:14:30,619 We're getting an NAACP Image Award 341 00:14:30,653 --> 00:14:32,423 for how cool our sex tape was. 342 00:14:32,513 --> 00:14:35,252 We're still workshopping the name... 343 00:14:35,263 --> 00:14:37,166 He did say that would happen. 344 00:14:41,294 --> 00:14:44,134 Are you okay, Brian? I notice you're flatter to the ground 345 00:14:44,414 --> 00:14:45,816 than physics allow. 346 00:14:45,816 --> 00:14:48,188 Why didn't Stewie want me to be his best man? 347 00:14:48,199 --> 00:14:49,801 I thought we were best friends. 348 00:14:49,812 --> 00:14:51,616 I don't know, Brian, but what I do know 349 00:14:51,795 --> 00:14:54,734 - is you're being really selfish. - I am? 350 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,073 Between you and me, I don't even like Rupert. 351 00:14:57,084 --> 00:14:58,252 Awful person. 352 00:14:58,263 --> 00:15:00,268 Just don't go into business with the guy 353 00:15:00,412 --> 00:15:02,016 is all I'm gonna say. 354 00:15:02,083 --> 00:15:05,823 But today isn't about me. Or you. It's about Stewie. 355 00:15:05,845 --> 00:15:08,818 After all, a baby only gets married once. 356 00:15:08,829 --> 00:15:12,303 And I know if I end this speech with the right tone, 357 00:15:12,303 --> 00:15:15,876 you'll say, "You know what? You're right." 358 00:15:15,943 --> 00:15:19,084 You know what? You're right. I'll go. 359 00:15:19,117 --> 00:15:22,590 Now, it's a silver-gold wedding, so I'd get chop-chop on a tux. 360 00:15:22,590 --> 00:15:26,031 And fair warning, all the local places are long out. 361 00:15:26,097 --> 00:15:27,767 Well, then, where am I gonna get a tux? 362 00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:30,639 I'm seeing Mr. Tux does have one in Maine, 363 00:15:30,706 --> 00:15:33,211 but you got to leave right now. 364 00:15:47,106 --> 00:15:50,245 If any of you ever want to be in the choir, 365 00:15:50,256 --> 00:15:52,760 I can probably pull a few strings. 366 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,993 I didn't pay you to make jokes. 367 00:15:57,004 --> 00:15:59,375 Sorry to keep harping on it. 368 00:15:59,386 --> 00:16:01,590 I'm sorry, I'm under a lot of pressure. 369 00:16:01,601 --> 00:16:03,427 That was very funny. 370 00:16:05,749 --> 00:16:07,114 Why is there a chuppah? 371 00:16:07,125 --> 00:16:08,827 Um, Rupert? 372 00:16:08,838 --> 00:16:11,377 Jewish. Hello. 373 00:16:11,487 --> 00:16:13,358 You're trying to think if you ever said something 374 00:16:13,358 --> 00:16:15,096 in front of Rupert right now. 375 00:16:15,096 --> 00:16:16,241 Yep. 376 00:16:16,252 --> 00:16:18,290 - Where's the groom? - I hope everything's okay. 377 00:16:18,502 --> 00:16:20,405 Is there gonna be a shuttle back to the hotel? 378 00:16:20,472 --> 00:16:22,276 I'm staying at the La Quinta near the airport. 379 00:16:22,364 --> 00:16:25,204 Flights have to stop at eleven p.m., so not too bad. 380 00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:28,255 Stewie called off the wedding. 381 00:16:29,285 --> 00:16:30,787 Someone needs to go talk to him. 382 00:16:30,798 --> 00:16:33,805 On the Sabbath he makes us travel. 383 00:16:36,938 --> 00:16:38,340 Peter, this is so great. 384 00:16:38,351 --> 00:16:40,689 I think I can finally own my sexuality. 385 00:16:40,801 --> 00:16:43,374 - What does that mean? - I don't know, Madonna says it a lot. 386 00:16:43,385 --> 00:16:44,887 I think it's a good thing. 387 00:16:44,898 --> 00:16:48,639 We're here today to give these fine folks the Rod to the City. 388 00:16:48,662 --> 00:16:51,668 Tight fit into the city door, but if you work at it, 389 00:16:51,701 --> 00:16:53,438 it eventually gets looser. 390 00:16:55,687 --> 00:16:57,791 Lois and Peter are not just heroes 391 00:16:57,869 --> 00:17:00,541 but symbols of body positivity. 392 00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,556 Their video shows all of us it's okay 393 00:17:02,590 --> 00:17:05,729 to have a knee brace on during times of intimacy. 394 00:17:05,785 --> 00:17:07,823 That all of us past our prime, 395 00:17:07,834 --> 00:17:10,606 no matter how repulsive we may be to look at, 396 00:17:10,673 --> 00:17:12,934 deserve to be seen naked. 397 00:17:12,945 --> 00:17:14,081 Body positivity? 398 00:17:14,447 --> 00:17:16,384 That's why people liked our video? 399 00:17:16,384 --> 00:17:20,693 We salute you for not being ashamed of your shameful bodies. 400 00:17:24,247 --> 00:17:25,716 I really enjoyed your video. 401 00:17:25,816 --> 00:17:27,319 I'm using it to teach my residents 402 00:17:27,439 --> 00:17:29,444 about botched C-section scars. 403 00:17:29,444 --> 00:17:31,548 Who did that, anyway? It's a hack job. 404 00:17:31,581 --> 00:17:34,120 - You did. - Whoa, oh, what a small world. 405 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:37,593 Usually, we have to show students photos of STDs 406 00:17:37,593 --> 00:17:39,597 to get them to sign the abstinence contract, 407 00:17:39,631 --> 00:17:41,461 but this did the trick nicely. 408 00:17:41,472 --> 00:17:42,808 Thank you. 409 00:17:48,194 --> 00:17:49,798 Thank you for being on theme. 410 00:17:49,946 --> 00:17:51,382 Unlike Mr. Octopus. 411 00:17:51,621 --> 00:17:53,425 He dressed for "tropical cocktail". 412 00:17:53,436 --> 00:17:54,805 Way too many patterns. 413 00:17:54,860 --> 00:17:57,599 Look, Stewie, getting cold feet is completely normal. 414 00:17:57,633 --> 00:17:59,036 As Ernest Hemingway once said... 415 00:17:59,103 --> 00:18:01,741 It was supposed to be you and me up there, man. 416 00:18:01,775 --> 00:18:03,779 - Huh? - Do I have to spell it out for you? 417 00:18:03,846 --> 00:18:05,849 Yeah. Just don't spell the word "walk". 418 00:18:05,882 --> 00:18:08,237 I-I really don't have the bandwidth for that right now. 419 00:18:08,248 --> 00:18:09,550 Don't you see? I've been waiting for you 420 00:18:09,857 --> 00:18:11,928 to propose to me for years. 421 00:18:11,939 --> 00:18:13,976 You, you want me to marry you? 422 00:18:13,987 --> 00:18:17,326 No. I want you to want to marry me. 423 00:18:20,056 --> 00:18:22,427 Stewie, what do you think marriage even is? 424 00:18:22,483 --> 00:18:25,322 It's a sleepover with your best friend that never ends. 425 00:18:25,378 --> 00:18:28,751 It's being roommates for life and going on adventures. 426 00:18:28,762 --> 00:18:30,620 But I guess you weren't ready for that. 427 00:18:30,631 --> 00:18:32,201 Stewie, we already have that. 428 00:18:32,436 --> 00:18:35,276 But without it being legal, I feel like a cheap whore. 429 00:18:35,309 --> 00:18:38,782 Wait, if you wanted to marry me, why'd you get engaged to Rupert? 430 00:18:38,782 --> 00:18:41,521 The whole thing was just a ruse to make you jealous. 431 00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:42,957 Wait, none of it was real? 432 00:18:43,025 --> 00:18:45,529 What about Venkatesh, Crazy RJ and Ellis? 433 00:18:45,529 --> 00:18:47,666 They were on Love Island last year. 434 00:18:47,699 --> 00:18:50,906 I can't believe you did all this. For me. 435 00:18:50,917 --> 00:18:54,058 Of course I did. You're my best friend, Bri. 436 00:18:54,114 --> 00:18:57,353 Although I guess we'll never have our own happily ever after. 437 00:19:04,401 --> 00:19:06,938 Stewie, will you marry me? 438 00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:09,944 Oh, my gosh, this is so unexpected. 439 00:19:11,138 --> 00:19:12,717 Pat Benatar once said, 440 00:19:12,728 --> 00:19:14,398 "Love is a battlefield." 441 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:18,061 Pat was right, which I always knew in my heart of hearts. 442 00:19:18,094 --> 00:19:21,400 - But, Brian, in my heart of hearts... - Too many. 443 00:19:21,467 --> 00:19:24,574 I can't think of anyone else I'd rather grow old with. 444 00:19:24,607 --> 00:19:26,111 But like a good kind of old, 445 00:19:26,144 --> 00:19:28,815 not ragged-looking because we didn't wear sunscreen. 446 00:19:28,848 --> 00:19:30,686 Real talk, you got to be better about that. 447 00:19:30,719 --> 00:19:32,223 But yes, Brian, yes. 448 00:19:32,223 --> 00:19:36,430 I will marry you and make you the happiest dog on Earth. 449 00:19:41,342 --> 00:19:44,347 Since when can a dog and a baby not get a marriage license? 450 00:19:44,358 --> 00:19:45,793 I can't even get an abortion. 451 00:19:45,882 --> 00:19:47,452 - Move. - Whoa! 452 00:19:48,341 --> 00:19:50,445 Problem solved. Thank you. 453 00:19:50,592 --> 00:19:52,596 - Are we done here? - Yes. 454 00:19:52,596 --> 00:19:54,266 We forgot about Chris. 455 00:19:54,355 --> 00:19:56,693 I wound up marrying The Librarian 456 00:19:56,704 --> 00:19:58,441 so we wouldn't lose our deposit. 457 00:19:58,508 --> 00:20:01,481 She didn't know my age and wound up going to jail. 458 00:20:01,481 --> 00:20:03,418 I told everyone we did it. 459 00:20:03,429 --> 00:20:05,867 They ended up making a whole movie about it. 460 00:20:05,956 --> 00:20:07,893 They portrayed her as the aggressor. 461 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,365 Anyway, my name is Chris Griffin, 462 00:20:10,432 --> 00:20:11,734 and I'm supposed to get 463 00:20:11,734 --> 00:20:15,108 a Quahog NAACP Image Award next week. 464 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:23,778 I know everybody's happy for us, 465 00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:27,032 but I wish Pornhub wouldn't use the title "Beauty and Obese". 466 00:20:27,066 --> 00:20:29,303 You know what, Peter? I don't care. 467 00:20:29,303 --> 00:20:32,176 Maybe we're not as young or hot as we used to be, 468 00:20:32,176 --> 00:20:34,781 but there's no one I'd rather spend my life 469 00:20:34,781 --> 00:20:37,620 sweating dark yellow stains into the mattress with. 470 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,623 - You really mean that? - Yes. 471 00:20:39,623 --> 00:20:41,160 I love you, Peter. 472 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,868 Hang on, let me go get my men's quadruple XL sex shirt. 473 00:20:44,901 --> 00:20:46,871 There's a bulldog with sunglasses on it, 474 00:20:46,905 --> 00:20:48,775 so you know it's for big dogs. 475 00:20:48,775 --> 00:20:50,679 Just shut up and kiss me. 476 00:20:52,817 --> 00:20:54,787 Peter... 477 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:57,793 Hold for plane. Hold for plane. 478 00:20:57,826 --> 00:21:00,724 All right, Gatorades down, back on all fours. 479 00:21:01,630 --> 00:21:06,630 - Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com -