1 00:00:36,742 --> 00:00:38,910 Okay, now remember, Lois, the school likes to blame 2 00:00:38,911 --> 00:00:40,996 the kids' bad grades on trouble at home. 3 00:00:41,121 --> 00:00:43,206 So when we get in the parent teacher conference, 4 00:00:43,207 --> 00:00:45,542 it can't seem like there's any cracks in our marriage. 5 00:00:45,543 --> 00:00:47,627 Peter, this isn't a parent teacher conference, 6 00:00:47,628 --> 00:00:49,546 - it's a fundraiser... - Here we go again! 7 00:00:49,547 --> 00:00:51,506 Let me punch your shrew card, Lois. 8 00:00:51,507 --> 00:00:53,549 Because the tenth nag is free! 9 00:00:53,550 --> 00:00:57,345 "Welcome to an hour of squeaks and echoes in the gym." 10 00:00:57,346 --> 00:00:58,973 Gym, gym, gym. 11 00:00:59,431 --> 00:01:01,933 Huh, I guess they're selling all the music department 12 00:01:01,934 --> 00:01:04,186 instruments to raise money. Typical. 13 00:01:04,311 --> 00:01:07,647 They always cut the arts programs but never any sports. 14 00:01:07,648 --> 00:01:09,566 Actually, they canceled field hockey. 15 00:01:09,567 --> 00:01:11,192 See? They're selling the old uniforms. 16 00:01:11,193 --> 00:01:12,652 And what vintage is this one? 17 00:01:12,653 --> 00:01:15,572 A 2022 Junior Varsity, sir. 18 00:01:15,573 --> 00:01:16,906 Mm. Excellent year. 19 00:01:16,907 --> 00:01:21,120 Sir, I'm gonna have my team cut it up and turn it into dinner napkins. 20 00:01:21,245 --> 00:01:24,038 Oh, Giuseppe, you are a wizard. 21 00:01:24,039 --> 00:01:27,208 Hello! I'm Mr. Campanale, the music teacher. 22 00:01:27,209 --> 00:01:30,545 Welcome to my "going-out of-business" woodwind sale. 23 00:01:30,546 --> 00:01:32,548 Everything must blow! 24 00:01:32,673 --> 00:01:34,967 Uh-ha, yes, that's very good. 25 00:01:37,261 --> 00:01:39,304 Uh, tell me, does your saxophone come with 26 00:01:39,305 --> 00:01:42,098 the George Michael classic "Careless Whisper" on it? 27 00:01:42,099 --> 00:01:45,643 With enough practice, this saxophone will play anything you like. 28 00:01:45,644 --> 00:01:46,811 Sweet! I'll take it. 29 00:01:46,812 --> 00:01:48,772 Great! How will you be paying today? 30 00:01:50,983 --> 00:01:52,901 Are you sure you should spend that? 31 00:01:53,027 --> 00:01:54,229 Oh yeah, there's still plenty in there 32 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,405 for Meg to pay for online college. 33 00:01:58,115 --> 00:02:00,074 Have you ever dreamed of learning calculus 34 00:02:00,075 --> 00:02:01,784 on a crowded rush hour subway... 35 00:02:01,785 --> 00:02:04,954 Or pushing that thing IVs hang from around the hospital... 36 00:02:04,955 --> 00:02:08,041 Want to hug an old man at an ethnic family picnic? 37 00:02:08,042 --> 00:02:09,375 Whatever the dream... 38 00:02:09,376 --> 00:02:12,045 As long as it's not going to real college... 39 00:02:12,046 --> 00:02:14,464 Online college is here for you. 40 00:02:14,465 --> 00:02:15,757 Online college! 41 00:02:15,758 --> 00:02:18,052 If you had another choice, you'd make it. 42 00:02:21,555 --> 00:02:23,056 All right, everybody shut up. 43 00:02:23,329 --> 00:02:25,055 The masked singer is about to reveal 44 00:02:25,065 --> 00:02:27,060 who the big Gatorade-Bottle-Of-Pee is! 45 00:02:27,061 --> 00:02:30,355 They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel for new costumes. 46 00:02:30,356 --> 00:02:34,567 And your masked singer is... 47 00:02:34,568 --> 00:02:36,277 Wait, who'd they say? 48 00:02:36,278 --> 00:02:39,489 It's another D-Lister nobody can recognize my face alone. 49 00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:42,367 Damn it, Peter! Do you know how many hours of Ken Jeong 50 00:02:42,368 --> 00:02:45,161 and his tiny jackets I tolerated for that moment? 51 00:02:45,162 --> 00:02:48,916 Sorry. In the future, I'll try not to be so... careless. 52 00:02:52,836 --> 00:02:55,088 God, he never thinks about others. 53 00:02:55,089 --> 00:02:57,048 Remember when he totally ruined our family 54 00:02:57,049 --> 00:02:58,716 Thanksgiving football game? 55 00:02:58,717 --> 00:03:00,802 Okay, we gotta go all tush-pushes. 56 00:03:00,803 --> 00:03:03,846 Hot niece I'm not related to by blood, you're the center. 57 00:03:03,847 --> 00:03:06,809 The rest of you, shove me into her as hard as you can. 58 00:03:08,227 --> 00:03:10,186 So, I put the bottle down. 59 00:03:10,187 --> 00:03:12,730 But even though her family forgave me, 60 00:03:12,731 --> 00:03:14,483 I'll never forgive myself. 61 00:03:23,117 --> 00:03:24,242 Bravo! 62 00:03:24,243 --> 00:03:27,036 I knew these AA stories would be the perfect set-up 63 00:03:27,037 --> 00:03:29,497 for the guilty pain of "Careless Whisper". 64 00:03:29,498 --> 00:03:30,873 Okay, let's take it from the top 65 00:03:30,874 --> 00:03:32,166 with the guy who can only have 66 00:03:32,167 --> 00:03:34,253 supervised Panera visits with his kid. 67 00:04:04,575 --> 00:04:06,701 I'm so sorry for your loss. 68 00:04:06,702 --> 00:04:09,162 Now, this screen is gonna ask you a couple of questions. 69 00:04:09,163 --> 00:04:10,413 You want a tip? 70 00:04:10,414 --> 00:04:12,290 Add 35%? 71 00:04:12,291 --> 00:04:14,710 You have to pick it 'cause it's the button in the middle. 72 00:04:37,316 --> 00:04:38,983 What the hell, Peter? 73 00:04:38,984 --> 00:04:42,570 This is the fifth night in a row you woke me up with that damn song. 74 00:04:42,571 --> 00:04:44,280 Your house is where the streetlight is. 75 00:04:44,281 --> 00:04:45,406 It's not my fault. 76 00:04:45,407 --> 00:04:46,699 Yeah, well, thanks a lot. 77 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,993 I was only having the best dream ever. 78 00:04:48,994 --> 00:04:51,078 Oh yeah? One of them that ends wet? 79 00:04:51,079 --> 00:04:54,332 No. Get this, I'm returning the lawn mower to Home Depot. 80 00:04:54,333 --> 00:04:56,710 The workers were wearing blue but I still knew it was 81 00:04:56,835 --> 00:04:57,919 a Home Depot, 82 00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,254 dreams are weird like that. 83 00:04:59,379 --> 00:05:02,381 Anyway, they offer me cash instead of store credit. 84 00:05:02,382 --> 00:05:04,088 So I ask, "Are you sure? 85 00:05:04,098 --> 00:05:06,677 It's covered in grass, and I don't have a receipt." 86 00:05:06,678 --> 00:05:08,346 And then you know what Bud said... 87 00:05:08,347 --> 00:05:09,722 That was the guy's name, Bud, 88 00:05:09,723 --> 00:05:11,307 which is also my Dad's name so. 89 00:05:11,308 --> 00:05:13,137 Sir Carl Jung would have a field... 90 00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:14,435 field day with that one. 91 00:05:14,436 --> 00:05:15,937 Anyway, you know what he said? 92 00:05:15,938 --> 00:05:17,647 - No. - Me neither! 93 00:05:17,648 --> 00:05:20,775 Now go play inside so I can get back to sleep 94 00:05:20,776 --> 00:05:23,070 and see how this roller coaster ends. 95 00:05:24,404 --> 00:05:26,276 And before you go to bed, this screen 96 00:05:26,286 --> 00:05:28,200 is gonna ask you a couple of questions. 97 00:05:31,411 --> 00:05:33,371 Good game. Good game. 98 00:05:33,372 --> 00:05:35,373 Good game. Hey, nice assist back there. 99 00:05:35,374 --> 00:05:36,542 Good game. Good game. 100 00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:38,251 Hey, Quagmire, you got a minute? 101 00:05:38,252 --> 00:05:41,171 Sure, let me just violently wave my door a couple of times... 102 00:05:42,673 --> 00:05:43,923 Come on in. 103 00:05:43,924 --> 00:05:45,466 What am I gonna do, Quagmire? 104 00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:48,052 Peter's driving me nuts with that saxophone. 105 00:05:48,053 --> 00:05:50,137 Joseph, I realized a long time ago, 106 00:05:50,138 --> 00:05:52,056 you can't fight Peter's antics. 107 00:05:52,057 --> 00:05:53,766 The harder you resist the shenanigans, 108 00:05:53,767 --> 00:05:55,268 the shenannier they become. 109 00:05:55,269 --> 00:05:56,853 So what I did was put together 110 00:05:56,854 --> 00:05:58,646 the Peter Griffin Survival Kit. 111 00:05:58,647 --> 00:06:01,441 It's everything you need to make being his neighbor tolerable. 112 00:06:02,150 --> 00:06:04,610 I've got a variety of these different sized plugs... 113 00:06:04,611 --> 00:06:06,196 To put in your ears when he's loud? 114 00:06:06,321 --> 00:06:07,947 Yeah or, you know, anywhere they fit. 115 00:06:07,948 --> 00:06:09,448 And this tracks Peter's heart rate, 116 00:06:09,449 --> 00:06:11,368 so I can avoid him when he's overstimulated. 117 00:06:12,828 --> 00:06:15,079 That spike is when he found a frog the other day. 118 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,123 Do you have anything to help me sleep? 119 00:06:17,124 --> 00:06:21,711 That doesn't involve putting your orifice plug in my ear, ideally. 120 00:06:21,712 --> 00:06:23,087 As a matter of fact, I do. 121 00:06:23,088 --> 00:06:26,048 These are powerful, unregulated sleeping pills. 122 00:06:26,049 --> 00:06:27,174 I got them in the Navy. 123 00:06:27,175 --> 00:06:29,886 They give these to all the guys who commit atrocious massacres 124 00:06:29,887 --> 00:06:31,929 and then have trouble sleeping. 125 00:06:31,930 --> 00:06:34,390 A caterpillar in March? 126 00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:41,480 I'm coming! I'm coming! 127 00:06:41,481 --> 00:06:44,400 Angrily tying a bathrobe... 'cause I got woken up... 128 00:06:44,401 --> 00:06:47,279 Thanks again for those sleepy pills, Mr. Q. 129 00:06:47,487 --> 00:06:50,740 Front row tickets to the blanket show, baby. 130 00:06:50,741 --> 00:06:53,201 "Mr. Q?" What are you... Oh my God! 131 00:06:53,327 --> 00:06:54,660 Joe, you're walking! 132 00:06:54,661 --> 00:06:58,414 Walk it like I talk it and talk it like I walk it. 133 00:06:58,415 --> 00:06:59,999 Wait, are you. 134 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,084 You're asleep! How is this possible? 135 00:07:02,085 --> 00:07:06,464 Well, I could tell you, but who needs a long, boring story. 136 00:07:06,465 --> 00:07:08,382 You're walking and self-aware? 137 00:07:08,383 --> 00:07:09,468 It's a miracle! 138 00:07:13,889 --> 00:07:15,014 What happened? 139 00:07:15,015 --> 00:07:16,642 What happened is you walked! 140 00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:18,226 Oh my God, you're right! 141 00:07:19,645 --> 00:07:20,937 I beat my record. 142 00:07:27,527 --> 00:07:28,653 All right, what do we got, 143 00:07:28,654 --> 00:07:30,656 four middle-aged guys at the same appointment? 144 00:07:30,781 --> 00:07:32,531 I don't need to know how it got up there. 145 00:07:32,532 --> 00:07:34,283 Just tell me who I'm taking it out of. 146 00:07:34,284 --> 00:07:35,451 No, no! Doc, it's Joe! 147 00:07:35,452 --> 00:07:38,914 He took a super strong sleeping pill last night and sleepwalked! 148 00:07:39,039 --> 00:07:42,333 Well, people do display odd behavior under the influence of drugs 149 00:07:42,334 --> 00:07:45,211 like Ambien. Let me get somebody better suited to help. 150 00:07:45,212 --> 00:07:47,422 I got a code TB12 in room three. 151 00:07:47,547 --> 00:07:50,508 Hi, I'm pseudo-science expert and Tom Brady face-thinner-outer 152 00:07:50,509 --> 00:07:52,510 Doctor Alex Guerrero. 153 00:07:52,511 --> 00:07:54,178 Now, how can I help you gentlemen? 154 00:07:54,179 --> 00:07:55,554 I've been in a chair for years, 155 00:07:55,555 --> 00:07:58,724 but I took one of these last night and started walking. 156 00:07:58,725 --> 00:07:59,975 Interesting. 157 00:07:59,976 --> 00:08:02,436 Well, there must be a neurological explanation. 158 00:08:02,437 --> 00:08:05,064 So to get to the bottom of it, we'll have to use... 159 00:08:05,065 --> 00:08:07,233 - An MRI? - ... our imaginations! 160 00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:10,194 I think these pills put you in such a deep state of sleep, 161 00:08:10,195 --> 00:08:12,780 the damaged part of your spinal cord went offline. 162 00:08:12,781 --> 00:08:13,948 Then to compensate, 163 00:08:13,949 --> 00:08:18,328 an undamaged neural pathway activated allowing you to walk. 164 00:08:18,453 --> 00:08:20,746 So as long as Joe takes those pills, 165 00:08:20,747 --> 00:08:21,997 he can walk again, right? 166 00:08:21,998 --> 00:08:23,333 Yes, and no. 167 00:08:23,458 --> 00:08:25,918 His legs might work, but in that state, 168 00:08:25,919 --> 00:08:28,462 he'll have no access to his waking memory 169 00:08:28,463 --> 00:08:31,674 or the personality he's developed over the course of his life. 170 00:08:31,675 --> 00:08:35,011 So technically, it won't really be Joe who's walking. 171 00:08:35,137 --> 00:08:37,471 Well, now that you mention it, he was acting strange. 172 00:08:37,472 --> 00:08:40,016 He was super laid back and kind of cool! 173 00:08:40,142 --> 00:08:42,685 Well, during sleep, we're not preoccupied with the stress 174 00:08:42,686 --> 00:08:44,311 of our day to day lives. 175 00:08:44,312 --> 00:08:47,356 So for him to be very relaxed makes a lot of sense. 176 00:08:47,357 --> 00:08:49,442 Yeah, but does it though? 177 00:08:49,443 --> 00:08:52,445 If you want my opinion... and I cannot stress enough 178 00:08:52,446 --> 00:08:56,198 how uninformed it is... Joe should stay away from these pills. 179 00:08:56,199 --> 00:08:59,285 There's no telling what sort of negative side effects they might have. 180 00:08:59,286 --> 00:09:01,620 Well, guess it's back to my chair. 181 00:09:01,621 --> 00:09:03,164 Thanks for seeing me. 182 00:09:03,165 --> 00:09:05,499 My pleasure. Oh, you can make the co-pay out 183 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,543 to "Guerrero Shipping Solutions, LLC," 184 00:09:07,544 --> 00:09:11,548 and if anyone asks, this all took place in the state of Delaware. 185 00:09:14,468 --> 00:09:17,261 Coming up this month on Turner Classic Movies. 186 00:09:17,262 --> 00:09:21,767 Get a hold of yourself! 187 00:09:21,892 --> 00:09:23,476 Turner Classic Movies, 188 00:09:23,477 --> 00:09:26,937 if a woman gets slapped in black and white, we've got it. 189 00:09:26,938 --> 00:09:29,523 So, I was choring it up last Friday, 190 00:09:29,524 --> 00:09:31,401 buying new batteries for the smoke detector... 191 00:09:31,526 --> 00:09:32,693 Ho... Hold on, Joe. 192 00:09:32,694 --> 00:09:34,946 This anecdote sounds like it's turning into a story. 193 00:09:35,072 --> 00:09:36,655 Oh, it's a story alright. 194 00:09:36,656 --> 00:09:38,200 - Quagmire, story clock. - On it. 195 00:09:38,992 --> 00:09:40,910 Okay, you got 60 seconds, Joe. 196 00:09:40,911 --> 00:09:42,953 Come on, is that thing really necessary? 197 00:09:42,954 --> 00:09:44,206 You're using your time, Joe. 198 00:09:44,331 --> 00:09:45,831 Okay. Okay. Where was I... 199 00:09:45,832 --> 00:09:47,458 batteries for the smoke detector. 200 00:09:47,459 --> 00:09:49,418 So I get to the store and I'm like, "Shoot. 201 00:09:49,419 --> 00:09:52,004 There's A batteries, C batteries, and D batteries." 202 00:09:52,005 --> 00:09:54,799 And that got me to thinking where the heck are the B batteries? 203 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,550 Did they really skip B? 204 00:09:56,551 --> 00:09:59,095 I don't buy it, so I start digging. 205 00:09:59,096 --> 00:10:00,930 - Time! - Oh, that's not fair. 206 00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:03,433 Joe, if you talk any more, you're gonna put us all to sleep. 207 00:10:03,558 --> 00:10:05,602 Wish Joe was asleep. He was way more interesting. 208 00:10:05,811 --> 00:10:08,562 Yeah, Joe, why don't you take another one of them sleeping pills? 209 00:10:08,563 --> 00:10:10,023 Maybe you'll sleepwalk again. 210 00:10:10,273 --> 00:10:11,440 What the hell. 211 00:10:11,441 --> 00:10:13,110 I guess one more time won't hurt. 212 00:10:22,327 --> 00:10:25,622 Uh-uh, hell no! This ain't part of God's plan. 213 00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:30,835 Holy crap, that's amazing! 214 00:10:30,836 --> 00:10:32,128 That was my credit he played, 215 00:10:32,129 --> 00:10:33,838 and I'm not a huge Bob Marley guy, 216 00:10:33,839 --> 00:10:35,756 but otherwise, holy crap, that's amazing! 217 00:10:35,757 --> 00:10:38,467 So I'm thinking I'll have. a summer solstice party. 218 00:10:38,468 --> 00:10:41,513 Send the old' girl in the sky a big 'preesh for the vitamin D. 219 00:10:41,638 --> 00:10:43,013 You guys should check it out. 220 00:10:43,014 --> 00:10:44,765 And if you have any trouble getting in, 221 00:10:44,766 --> 00:10:48,435 just tell 'em you're with... Joey Goodtimes. 222 00:10:48,436 --> 00:10:50,480 - Can I bring a date? - No. 223 00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:53,191 Bring two. 224 00:10:54,025 --> 00:10:56,278 Man, sleepwalking Joe is awesome. 225 00:10:56,403 --> 00:10:58,988 That was my beer for which I've been waiting quite some time. 226 00:10:58,989 --> 00:11:01,116 But otherwise, sleepwalking Joe is awesome! 227 00:11:05,453 --> 00:11:07,079 Hey, some party, Joe! 228 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,082 It's "Joey." Who's up for some food? 229 00:11:10,292 --> 00:11:12,918 Great. Nothing like the Joe Swanson special, 230 00:11:12,919 --> 00:11:16,338 a supermarket vegetable platter warmed by the sun. 231 00:11:16,339 --> 00:11:19,592 Here we are, gents. Bowl of Ruffles, two liter bottle of Coke. 232 00:11:19,593 --> 00:11:21,093 Pizza's on the way. 233 00:11:21,094 --> 00:11:22,428 - Wow! - No way! 234 00:11:22,429 --> 00:11:24,722 Donna says Cola makes me jumpy. 235 00:11:24,723 --> 00:11:27,851 Did y'all meet Bon-fire? I call her that 'cause she's smoking hot. 236 00:11:30,562 --> 00:11:33,981 Peter, give me a nickname that tells people I'm hot. 237 00:11:33,982 --> 00:11:36,442 I think everyone here has met. Dumpster-fire? 238 00:11:36,443 --> 00:11:38,319 - Peter! - It's 'cause of the hair! 239 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,029 Jam band's starting, Bon-fire. 240 00:11:40,030 --> 00:11:42,824 Let's go dance like it's our first day in a human body. 241 00:11:43,617 --> 00:11:45,451 What the hell, Peter? 242 00:11:45,452 --> 00:11:48,788 Joe's unconscious, and he and Bonnie have a better sex life than we do. 243 00:11:48,914 --> 00:11:50,122 Lois, we've been over this. 244 00:11:50,123 --> 00:11:51,999 Once one of us agrees to shave it, 245 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,376 we're back in business. 246 00:11:56,296 --> 00:11:58,672 Man, I had the best time at Joe's yesterday. 247 00:11:58,673 --> 00:12:03,052 You said it! Me and Donna ate some goofy mushrooms and then cried 248 00:12:03,053 --> 00:12:04,595 watching the sunrise. 249 00:12:04,596 --> 00:12:05,888 And good crying, 250 00:12:05,889 --> 00:12:08,225 not the-bank's-coming for-your-house crying. 251 00:12:08,433 --> 00:12:10,267 - Hey, there he is! - The King! 252 00:12:10,268 --> 00:12:12,603 We are very behind on our payments though. 253 00:12:12,604 --> 00:12:13,979 What are you guys talking about? 254 00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:15,147 It's just me, Joe. 255 00:12:15,148 --> 00:12:16,941 We know! You sleepwalked again 256 00:12:16,942 --> 00:12:19,110 and threw the most epic party of all time! 257 00:12:19,236 --> 00:12:22,238 Yeah, why didn't you tell me a "free love tent" is just an orgy, 258 00:12:22,239 --> 00:12:24,074 minus condoms, plus B-O? 259 00:12:24,199 --> 00:12:25,824 Oh man, I had that at my party? 260 00:12:25,825 --> 00:12:27,910 I hope Bonnie didn't see. She'd kill me. 261 00:12:27,911 --> 00:12:29,536 Uh, Joe, Bonnie was in the tent. 262 00:12:29,537 --> 00:12:32,122 But don't worry, she didn't do anything with anybody but you. 263 00:12:32,123 --> 00:12:33,874 Even under-the-pants stuff? 264 00:12:33,875 --> 00:12:35,584 Well, I am done with those pills. 265 00:12:35,585 --> 00:12:38,712 Next time I get UTP action, I wanna be there. 266 00:12:38,713 --> 00:12:41,382 That's too bad 'cause Joey Goodtimes is the man. 267 00:12:41,383 --> 00:12:44,301 He's so popular, he already has his own Cameo account. 268 00:12:44,302 --> 00:12:46,387 Hey there "Peter Griffin"! 269 00:12:46,388 --> 00:12:47,979 Heard somebody's a little nervous about 270 00:12:47,989 --> 00:12:49,932 changing his clothes at Planet Fitness. 271 00:12:49,933 --> 00:12:51,556 Well, let me tell you there's no shame 272 00:12:51,566 --> 00:12:53,228 in your game, no matter how much... 273 00:12:53,478 --> 00:12:55,271 it turtles in front of a crowd. 274 00:12:55,272 --> 00:12:57,398 Are you coming back to bed, Joey? 275 00:12:57,399 --> 00:12:59,145 Yeah, just firing off some inspo to 276 00:12:59,155 --> 00:13:01,318 a fat idiot with big balls, baby carrot. 277 00:13:01,319 --> 00:13:03,697 It's like monster truck wheels on a Miata. 278 00:13:04,322 --> 00:13:06,866 You're, uh, still learning how to end the record. 279 00:13:10,328 --> 00:13:14,206 Hey, Bon, sorry I missed the big party yesterday but I was thinking 280 00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:18,086 we could recreate that magic with some Bosch and chill. 281 00:13:18,211 --> 00:13:19,628 Um, no, thanks. 282 00:13:19,629 --> 00:13:21,463 You sure? Doesn't have to be Bosch. 283 00:13:21,464 --> 00:13:24,217 Could be any one of those last name crime shows and chill. 284 00:13:24,342 --> 00:13:27,928 Bul? Luther? Longmire? Reacher? Will Trent? 285 00:13:27,929 --> 00:13:30,889 Which, I know, it's a first-name last-name crime show. 286 00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:32,975 But what the hell, it's almost Friday. 287 00:13:32,976 --> 00:13:35,729 Just wake me up if you decide to fall asleep again. 288 00:13:35,854 --> 00:13:39,064 Bon-fire needs another log. 289 00:13:39,065 --> 00:13:40,649 Actually, with the drought we've had, 290 00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:43,235 we probably shouldn't be starting any more fires... 291 00:13:43,236 --> 00:13:44,320 Bon? 292 00:13:51,327 --> 00:13:53,705 When did we get so boring, Joe? 293 00:13:59,252 --> 00:14:00,419 Speak for yourself. 294 00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:02,296 Joey Goodtimes and boring go together 295 00:14:02,297 --> 00:14:05,132 like peanut butter and jelly. I know you guys like that, 296 00:14:05,133 --> 00:14:09,136 but in the imaginary mirror universe, it's a gross combo. 297 00:14:09,137 --> 00:14:11,028 So tell me, when was the last time 298 00:14:11,038 --> 00:14:13,057 your friends were excited to see you? 299 00:14:13,058 --> 00:14:16,144 When was the last time Bonnie wanted you to come to bed? 300 00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:20,564 You're right. Bonnie and the guys deserve better. 301 00:14:20,565 --> 00:14:23,567 I have to go. Got a ketchup and tuna sandwich over here 302 00:14:23,568 --> 00:14:26,821 that ain't gonna eat itself. Again, mirror universe. 303 00:14:38,083 --> 00:14:41,628 Okay, Joey's back so let the good times walk. 304 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,338 Wait, so I'm stuck in here now? 305 00:14:44,339 --> 00:14:46,591 Might as well see what all the fuss is about. 306 00:14:47,884 --> 00:14:50,845 He gets Bonnie, and I get a crappy mirror sandwich? 307 00:15:00,647 --> 00:15:04,525 I don't know where you get the energy after a night like that. 308 00:15:04,526 --> 00:15:05,777 Just get over here, babe. 309 00:15:05,944 --> 00:15:07,861 I'm gonna do you right on the counter 310 00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:09,863 where I prepped the raw chicken. 311 00:15:13,868 --> 00:15:16,120 Your boobs are so wet. 312 00:15:16,121 --> 00:15:18,123 You're still holding the chicken breast. 313 00:15:18,957 --> 00:15:22,085 Oh. Well, in my defense, I am asleep. 314 00:15:30,552 --> 00:15:32,511 Good God! He hit it so far, 315 00:15:32,512 --> 00:15:35,557 they added a yellow tail so the viewers at home can enjoy it. 316 00:15:40,145 --> 00:15:41,436 Alright, fellas, let's go. 317 00:15:41,437 --> 00:15:43,772 Good thing we don't need that golf cart anymore. 318 00:15:43,773 --> 00:15:47,109 We get to walk all 18 holes. 319 00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:49,654 Sheesh, I don't even walk the mini golf course. 320 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,047 Hey, slowpokes, what do you want to drink? 321 00:16:09,048 --> 00:16:10,674 - Beer! - Pedialyte. 322 00:16:10,675 --> 00:16:12,177 We don't have Pedialyte. 323 00:16:12,302 --> 00:16:14,595 Don't worry, Cleveland, Joey's got ya. 324 00:16:14,596 --> 00:16:17,348 Ava, give me a warm ginger ale and a flat Sprite. 325 00:16:17,473 --> 00:16:19,516 Little trick I learned from nausea TikTok. 326 00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:21,018 My Apple Pay's on, 327 00:16:21,019 --> 00:16:22,812 you can just swipe my pocket, hun. 328 00:16:27,025 --> 00:16:30,403 Mmm... I can feel it coating my troubled innards. 329 00:16:30,653 --> 00:16:31,904 You know what? 330 00:16:31,905 --> 00:16:33,655 Gimme one of them clam chowders 331 00:16:33,656 --> 00:16:35,283 and a Baby Ruth. 332 00:16:37,327 --> 00:16:40,538 Okay, that's 17, but let's just call it 18 for legal reasons. 333 00:16:42,123 --> 00:16:44,208 And that's another 20 for me. 334 00:16:44,209 --> 00:16:47,337 I think it's the Asian half that makes Tiger Woods talented. 335 00:16:48,588 --> 00:16:52,633 Boy, I hope no ground hogs pop up and drag my ball into the hole. 336 00:16:53,801 --> 00:16:55,637 Because that would be terrible. 337 00:16:57,889 --> 00:16:59,598 Sounds like fun up there. Should we go? 338 00:16:59,599 --> 00:17:00,766 Honey? We can't. 339 00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:02,352 It's not February second. 340 00:17:02,477 --> 00:17:05,563 Uch! One day. Black people get a whole month. 341 00:17:05,688 --> 00:17:06,813 Gerald. Don't. 342 00:17:06,814 --> 00:17:08,690 What? Breast cancer gets a month. 343 00:17:08,691 --> 00:17:10,025 Mustaches get a month. 344 00:17:10,026 --> 00:17:11,902 Not masturbating gets a month! 345 00:17:11,903 --> 00:17:13,946 Save it for your podcast, honey. 346 00:17:17,242 --> 00:17:20,327 I can't believe Joey stayed to play another round. 347 00:17:20,328 --> 00:17:23,538 Yeah, he said he wanted to get in 54. 348 00:17:23,539 --> 00:17:25,249 I can't even do that math. 349 00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:28,585 Not even I can get in that many holes, tired giggity. 350 00:17:28,586 --> 00:17:29,587 It's like he ditched us. 351 00:17:29,712 --> 00:17:32,381 Probably because you don't like to shower after a round. 352 00:17:32,382 --> 00:17:34,800 Yeah, I... I can smell you from here. 353 00:17:34,801 --> 00:17:36,177 I forgot my jelly shoes. 354 00:17:36,302 --> 00:17:38,220 It's important to wear them in the clubhouse 355 00:17:38,221 --> 00:17:39,931 because drainage in a public locker room... 356 00:17:40,056 --> 00:17:41,640 Alright, I'm starting the clock. 357 00:17:41,641 --> 00:17:43,267 Did you just "Joe" me? 358 00:17:43,268 --> 00:17:46,353 If anybody should be "Joe"-ing somebody, it should be me "Joe"-ing you. 359 00:17:46,354 --> 00:17:48,856 Don't you dare "Joe" me, you fat turd! 360 00:17:51,985 --> 00:17:54,736 Wait, guys, guys. Don't you realize what's happening? 361 00:17:54,737 --> 00:17:57,573 Every friend group needs to have a bottom friend. 362 00:17:57,574 --> 00:18:00,033 A guy who's doing way worse than all the rest of us. 363 00:18:00,034 --> 00:18:02,327 And we lost our bottom friend! 364 00:18:02,328 --> 00:18:05,122 Three Shirley Temples for that booth over there. 365 00:18:05,123 --> 00:18:07,541 You're right. Ever since Joe became awesome, 366 00:18:07,542 --> 00:18:10,210 the rest of us are just scrambling to stay off the bottom. 367 00:18:10,211 --> 00:18:13,630 Without Joe, we're like Oates, Messina and Garfunkel. 368 00:18:13,631 --> 00:18:16,049 Well, that's a funny cutaway we don't have time for. 369 00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:17,801 But we gotta get the old Joe back! 370 00:18:17,802 --> 00:18:19,636 From the gentleman at the bar. 371 00:18:19,637 --> 00:18:21,973 He told me to tell you, "Bottoms up". 372 00:18:30,189 --> 00:18:31,691 Hey, Joey, how'd you shoot? 373 00:18:31,816 --> 00:18:34,693 Oh, I don't keep score, but someone else did. 374 00:18:34,694 --> 00:18:35,737 Sixty-eight. 375 00:18:35,862 --> 00:18:37,738 Oh cool. Here's a question. 376 00:18:37,739 --> 00:18:40,115 Is Bermuda grass something you can grow anywhere, 377 00:18:40,116 --> 00:18:42,785 or is it like champagne and it has to come from there? 378 00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:44,495 Oh, that's a long, boring story 379 00:18:44,912 --> 00:18:46,414 that I have no desire to tell. 380 00:18:47,081 --> 00:18:49,500 Joey, is a AAA membership worth it? 381 00:18:51,252 --> 00:18:52,868 I'll have plenty of time to tell you that 382 00:18:52,878 --> 00:18:55,589 when I'm not waiting in line at the DMV. 383 00:18:55,590 --> 00:18:59,886 Or getting up to 40% off tickets to any participating AMC theater. 384 00:19:00,595 --> 00:19:02,971 Hey, whatever this is, knock it off! 385 00:19:02,972 --> 00:19:05,140 Hey, Joey, I can never remember, 386 00:19:05,141 --> 00:19:07,060 what group sings this song. 387 00:19:13,858 --> 00:19:15,859 Uh, actually, it's not a group, 388 00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:17,194 it's a person. Tom Cochrane. 389 00:19:17,195 --> 00:19:18,696 A Canuck, no less... 390 00:19:19,739 --> 00:19:21,239 I know what you guys are doing! 391 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,408 You're trying to get rid of Joey Goodtimes! 392 00:19:23,409 --> 00:19:26,036 Wheel to the light, Joe! We need you back. 393 00:19:26,037 --> 00:19:28,288 No! But I'm cool now! 394 00:19:28,289 --> 00:19:30,916 The old Joe was just a crippled punching bag! 395 00:19:30,917 --> 00:19:32,000 That's right. 396 00:19:32,001 --> 00:19:35,003 And he was our crippled punching bag and we miss him. 397 00:19:35,004 --> 00:19:38,256 Yeah, we thought we liked this Joe better, but we don't. 398 00:19:38,257 --> 00:19:40,509 That's right. The old Joe is the best Joe. 399 00:19:40,510 --> 00:19:42,010 I can't go back! 400 00:19:42,011 --> 00:19:43,762 I'll never go back! 401 00:19:43,763 --> 00:19:46,641 Fine. I didn't want to have to do this, but I will. 402 00:19:46,849 --> 00:19:50,645 Joe tell us why aren't there any B batteries? 403 00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:52,312 I... I won't! 404 00:19:52,313 --> 00:19:54,649 Why aren't there any B batteries? 405 00:19:55,817 --> 00:19:58,402 There are! There are B batteries. 406 00:19:58,403 --> 00:20:00,654 It's just electronics manufacturers favored 407 00:20:00,655 --> 00:20:03,156 the dimensions of the new double and triple As. 408 00:20:03,157 --> 00:20:05,450 We all know C and D found their niche 409 00:20:05,451 --> 00:20:07,119 in high drain situations, 410 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:08,870 but B slowly disappeared. 411 00:20:08,871 --> 00:20:11,582 Except for European lanterns and bike lights! 412 00:20:13,292 --> 00:20:15,252 Joe, it's a miracle! 413 00:20:15,253 --> 00:20:16,421 You can't walk! 414 00:20:22,009 --> 00:20:24,136 And that's why Ralph Nader deemed it, 415 00:20:24,137 --> 00:20:25,846 "unsafe at any speed". 416 00:20:26,931 --> 00:20:29,933 Wow, that was so long and boring. 417 00:20:29,934 --> 00:20:31,685 It's nice to have you back, Joe. 418 00:20:31,686 --> 00:20:33,987 And I enjoy having the space on the booth 419 00:20:33,997 --> 00:20:35,857 seat for my pocket bric-a-brac back. 420 00:20:35,982 --> 00:20:39,025 Hey, what did you end up doing with the rest of those pills I gave you? 421 00:20:39,026 --> 00:20:42,572 I dumped them in the 18th hole in honor of Joey Goodtimes. 422 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,368 Oh, Gerald. What are you doing? 423 00:20:47,535 --> 00:20:49,745 Don't worry about what I'm doing, baby. 424 00:20:49,746 --> 00:20:51,747 Worry about what I'm about to do. 425 00:20:51,748 --> 00:20:55,585 I'm gonna turn Groundhog Day into poundhog day. 426 00:20:55,877 --> 00:20:59,338 Gerald, I'm cooking an acorn. 427 00:21:02,879 --> 00:21:07,879 - Synced and corrected by naFraC - - www.addic7ed.com -