1 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:05,140 I should get on it. 2 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:28,520 Jogging. 3 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:36,880 I did a fart the other day that was exactly like Mum's. 4 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,040 A door opening, or suspicious dark? 5 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,840 Door opening. 6 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,240 Means you're getting Mum's bum. 7 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:46,200 God, I'd be lucky. My bottom dropped ages ago. 8 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,600 My farts used to be like, "Pah!" 9 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,680 Now they're just sort of fighting their way out. 10 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,880 I haven't farted in about three years. 11 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:00,520 Happy birthday. 12 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,840 - She won't eat it. - Thanks. 13 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:13,840 So, it's a 7pm arrival tonight for a 7.30 surprise, OK? 14 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,040 Yeah, I got your e-mail. 15 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,120 It's really a business birthday thing. 16 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,400 It won't be much fun, so just don't expect a "party" party. 17 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,760 I won't. 18 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:24,080 And maybe... 19 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,600 just wear trousers. 20 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,080 And don't drink too much. 21 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,520 There's this huge promotion in Finland, 22 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,480 so this party is quite a serious... 23 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,880 I mean, it's basically a business meeting. 24 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:35,800 Sounds like a blast. 25 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,040 Can I bring a date? 26 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:38,440 - Harry? - No. 27 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,440 Who? 28 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:41,600 Oh, I don't know yet. 29 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:48,400 It's really inappropriate to jog around a graveyard. 30 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,640 Why? 31 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,880 Flaunting your life. 32 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:58,240 God, I can't wait to be old. 33 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:03,200 If it's any consolation, you look older than you are. 34 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:09,720 Sorry, sorry. 35 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,480 - Hello, Claire speaking. - Mum died three years ago. 36 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,880 She had a double mastectomy but never really recovered. 37 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:19,880 It was particularly hard, cos she had amazing boobs. 38 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,640 She used to tell me I was lucky 39 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:24,120 cos mine would never get in the way. 40 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,000 My sister's got whoppers, 41 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,920 but she got all of Mum's good bits. 42 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,920 What's Martin given you? 43 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:33,040 A cursory stroke would be nice. 44 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,080 What? No bang-bang? 45 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,840 He says he's still got that thing on his... 46 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:40,920 What? 47 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,720 On his... 48 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,120 Come on, you can do it. 49 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,120 - I don't have to say... - Yes, you do. - No, not here. 50 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:47,920 - Come on, little one. Come on, please. - No. 51 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:49,600 - Penis. - Thank you. 52 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:55,480 He says he still has that thing on his penis. Sorry. 53 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,920 Christ, look at that man. 54 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:02,960 Tragic. 55 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:05,920 Nah, he's a con. 56 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,520 You can't call someone who is grieving a con. 57 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,080 - That is shit grieving. - Look at him, he's properly grieving. 58 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:15,480 - No-one grieves like that unless they are in a film or from Italy. - Who are you to pass judgment on his grief? 59 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,520 Trust me, he's at a different grave every day, he can't get enough of it. 60 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,400 What? 61 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:24,800 You come here every day? 62 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,360 Don't do a jumpy-outy surprise thing, 63 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:37,200 and don't sing Happy Birthday, I couldn't bear it. 64 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,280 I'm, erm... 65 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,280 I'm actually looking forward to it. 66 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:45,440 Hi, Harry, it's me. 67 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,440 Listen, I know we're broken up, but it's Claire's birthday tonight 68 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:50,680 and I thought that... 69 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,600 I thought that maybe 70 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,120 you'd like to come to her... 71 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,360 .. birthday party. 72 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:04,520 Anyway, give me a call, and I hope you're OK. Bye. 73 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,080 I can't go out with a dog. 74 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,640 My boyfriend before Harry used to make me send him pictures of 75 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,280 my vagina wherever I was, 76 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:32,920 ten or 11 times a day. 77 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,120 One day when I was temping he asked me to... 78 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,240 Time to throw the net out. 79 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,080 I am in so much trouble. 80 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,440 Jesus Christ. 81 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:20,720 What am I going to get Claire? 82 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,600 I am meant to get her the perfect present. 83 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,840 - I am not drunk. - Always drunk. 84 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,880 I am not drunk! 85 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,080 Which is odd, cos Claire's so straight. 86 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,240 Smack me in the face. 87 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,760 - Really hard. - Really? 88 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,840 Yeah. 89 00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:34,960 Oh, good. 90 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:38,600 Fuck. 91 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,600 I think you gave me a semi. 92 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,720 Can I eat a water or a sandwich, or something? 93 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,480 I mean, the man's got a problem. 94 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,760 Speak to me. Speak to me. 95 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,760 But no-one wants to admit there's a problem because then they don't get 96 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,760 to have crazy nights out with Fun Drunk Martin. 97 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,480 Chicken, are you chicken? No. 98 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:58,920 He's one of those men who is explosively sexually inappropriate 99 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:02,040 with everyone, but makes you feel bad if you take offence 100 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:03,920 because he was "just being fun". 101 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,440 Honestly, you could tell him you're going to pop to the loo 102 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:07,480 and he'll say... 103 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,480 Yes, you pop to the loo, pull down your knickers, 104 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,800 and then I will come in 105 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,400 and fuck you. 106 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,000 I mean, this place is ridiculous. 107 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,840 Does anyone ever come here? 108 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,240 I mean, it is creepy as fuck. 109 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:25,800 Why don't you get her a guinea pig? 110 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,680 It was a surprise hit here. 111 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,200 What, you think she'd like a pig? Can I take this one? 112 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,240 No, not that one. 113 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,960 Christ, woman, there's something wrong with that one, 114 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,960 it's got death in its eyes. 115 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,120 Yeah, the vet says she's depressed. 116 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,680 Oh. 117 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:41,720 Aren't we all, girl? 118 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:46,280 You know, guinea pigs can die of loneliness. 119 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,320 Can they? 120 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:49,600 - Hold her. - No. 121 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,760 - She needs it. - No. 122 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:52,800 Shh! 123 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,120 I have an idea. 124 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,640 He's sexually inappropriate and he eats raw sausages but no-one's 125 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,800 made her laugh like he does, so I guess I have to give him that. 126 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,440 Right, just put your... What are you doing? What are you doing? 127 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:05,720 - No. - Stop it. 128 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,280 No, no, no, there. 129 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,880 There we go. 130 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,200 I'm an innocent man. 131 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:14,840 I bought her a necklace with her name on it, 132 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,000 - that she found and told me not to buy. - OK. 133 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,600 I bought her a book 134 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,560 that she already has. 135 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,680 She says not to buy her any clothes 136 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,680 because she probably won't wear them. 137 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,120 She scares me! 138 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,280 This sandwich is so good. 139 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:31,400 Look, this is London. 140 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,120 Just fuck off and buy something weird and expensive. 141 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,800 No, no, it's got to be good, all right. Help me! 142 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,000 Pay me and I'll help you. 143 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,200 Fuck off. 144 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,520 How much? 145 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:41,640 £60. 146 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:42,880 - 70. - Done. 147 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:43,920 Yeah! 148 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,160 I don't know who she is. 149 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,640 Is she...? 150 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:54,680 No. 151 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,120 What about...? 152 00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,160 No! 153 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,120 Just... get whoever you are. 154 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:06,280 Who are you? 155 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:08,800 I don't know. 156 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,200 I want to be that person. 157 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,440 I have been that person. 158 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,360 Ha. 159 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:18,480 But most of the time I'm that person, like everyone else. 160 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,880 They're good, right? Chic. 161 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,200 Chic means boring - don't tell the French. 162 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,800 What about these? 163 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,160 No. God. 164 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:32,040 Stop checking, all right, nobody loves you. Help me here. 165 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,520 Who is this person? 166 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,920 Fuck, no. 167 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,840 This is perfect. 168 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,160 Get her something she'd never get herself. 169 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,240 Surprise her. 170 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:46,720 She'll think I've gone nuts. 171 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,400 No, she'll think you see her as this person, 172 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,840 and everyone wants to be this person. 173 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,200 I don't know, I... 174 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,320 Aren't these for children? 175 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:56,360 No. 176 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:01,320 Let's keep going. I saw some more stuff she'll hate over there. 177 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,000 My neighbour 178 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,480 is really fit. 179 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,640 Which one? 180 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,080 - The fit one. - The one with the sexy big belly? 181 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:20,840 No, no, he's the other neighbour. He's like, he's like, OK... 182 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:25,000 I'm going to hold his face in my head so you can see him. 183 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,040 OK. 184 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,880 I'm not getting anything. 185 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,120 Make your face his face. 186 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:35,160 Yeah, OK. 187 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:39,840 Is he mixed race? 188 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,240 I'm getting mixed race. 189 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,280 Yes! 190 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,120 - That's him. - Go on. 191 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:46,800 No. 192 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,000 OK. OK! 193 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,320 Jesus. 194 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,280 I'm really sorry, we're really high. 195 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,440 We just really wanted to know what you look like. 196 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,800 She thinks you're lovely. 197 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:16,680 Oh, my God, look at my elegant feet. 198 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,280 Hey. Hey! Hey. Hey. 199 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:26,480 Hello! 200 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:27,520 Hey. HEY! 201 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,320 What's your problem? Who was that? 202 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,240 Oh, no-one, it was... 203 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:35,400 What? 204 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:39,720 No, no-one. I just need to go and get a drink, or something. 205 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,040 OK. 206 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,400 Excellent. 207 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:44,960 Can I go and get my shoes? 208 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,760 Yeah. OK. 209 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:57,680 Whoa. Easy, tiger. 210 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:01,680 Coming from you? 211 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,480 So, come on, who was that heartbreaker, hmm? 212 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:09,440 He used to go out with Boo. 213 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,200 Then he slept with someone else, and then she... 214 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,080 Yeah, yeah, I know, OK. 215 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:18,200 Fuck. 216 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,080 I've never really said how sorry I was. 217 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,720 You should get the trainers. 218 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,080 She'll say I don't know her. 219 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,240 You don't. 220 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,080 You're just as bad. 221 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:30,600 It's never clear what she wants. 222 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,040 I should just get her some perfume. 223 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:36,120 Jesus, just fuck her, please, 224 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:37,680 for the love of a good woman. 225 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,280 Just wrap your willy up in a bow 226 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,320 and just screw her, she's going insane. 227 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,720 What is it? 228 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,160 Are you having an affair? 229 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:57,200 Think you're a clever little puss, don't you? 230 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,280 A little marital poke isn't going to kill you. 231 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,560 Would it kill her to take me out to dinner? 232 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,320 You girls, Jesus. 233 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,280 Anyone said that to her, they'd be hung. 234 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:08,560 If they were hung, she probably wouldn't be complaining. 235 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,560 Little advice from a married man. 236 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:27,440 You should probably get yourself out there, sweetie. 237 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,640 You're just tipping your prime. 238 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,760 Another drink? 239 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,840 Bingo. 240 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,680 Excuse me, I have a date. 241 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,200 Get the trainers. Shop closes in an hour. 242 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:52,520 Oh, God. I was not expecting to see you again. 243 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,520 - Shut up. - I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm chuffed to my boots, but... 244 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,640 Oh, and thank you for the text, saucy. 245 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,560 Oh, and sorry I'm late. 246 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:02,200 Oh, no, it's fine, it was last-minute. 247 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,440 - It's really nice to see... - No, no, I'm such a tool box. 248 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,240 You know, I'd like to say I was trying to save a puppy, or something, 249 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,160 but I just got my coat caught on someone else's coat outside the Tube. 250 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:13,720 When we went to separate ourselves, it was fucking intense - I had to give him my coat. 251 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,360 - What are we doing? - It's my sister's surprise birthday party. 252 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,920 Oh, my God, I love surprises, go on. 253 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,240 But I just thought... I need to get her a present first. 254 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,360 Oh, my God, what are you going to get her? 255 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,080 I know this beautiful soap shop. 256 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,880 I mean, this stuff just gets you straight in the bath. 257 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,680 Oh, I was thinking more like... 258 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:35,120 Oh, yeah... these places all the time... 259 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,440 So... Yup. 260 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,720 - Are you OK? - Yeah. 261 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,200 Sorry, I won't be long. 262 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:43,760 Oh, no, no. 263 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,680 - Hi. - Hi. - Hi. 264 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,320 Hey, what are you craving? 265 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,800 Oh, just a really, really cheap thrill. 266 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,600 For you? 267 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:57,840 Oh, hello. 268 00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,560 No, it's for her sister. 269 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:02,280 It's for my very sexually frustrated sister. 270 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,880 Just a basic bunny would be great. 271 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:07,720 OK, well, I'll see what I can dig out and you go browse. 272 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:08,760 Thanks. 273 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:17,840 Oh. 274 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:20,120 Oh, I think you just... 275 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,520 do it at the bottom. 276 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:26,720 It's all in the twist. 277 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,120 Ooh. 278 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:35,720 Oh. 279 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,360 I know. 280 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:38,920 You should totally get one of those. 281 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,400 - A vagina? - Yeah. 282 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,520 Oh, I've already got one. 283 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:44,280 Really? You have... No... 284 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:45,640 You've got one? 285 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,600 I take it with me everywhere. 286 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,360 You lie. You don't have one on you now? 287 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,120 Yep. Never going to get it. 288 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:53,440 Where? 289 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,240 - Where's my vagina? - Yeah. 290 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:56,920 - Where's my vagina? - Yeah. 291 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,320 Ha, you got me. 292 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,520 I don't carry a vagina around with me, 293 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,600 that would be way too provocative. 294 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,240 Didn't get it. 295 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,640 OK, so this one's really great. 296 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:13,560 It's half price because it's quite relentless. 297 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,280 It's called the Burrower. 298 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,680 Basically it doesn't stop until you've cum. 299 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:19,720 Excuse me. 300 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,040 Oh, don't worry about him, he'll be fine in a minute. 301 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:27,040 Oh, my God, I love surprise parties. 302 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,080 I love them, I love them, I love them. 303 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:30,320 Will your parents be there? 304 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,080 - My dad might be... - Oh, intense. 305 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,640 Parents adore me. 306 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:39,240 I want you to be totally in love with me by the end of the night. 307 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,520 OK? 308 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,000 Who's that? 309 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,400 Oh, it's my sister. 310 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,160 - Oh, no! We're going to ruin the surprise. - No, no... 311 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,120 - No, no, no. - No, really. - Get down. 312 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,400 It will be fine. 313 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,040 Surprise! 314 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,480 Oh, my God, thank you so much. 315 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,120 I'm so surprised. 316 00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,360 She's very good. 317 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,480 How divine. What a lovely husband you have. 318 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:03,600 Where is he then? 319 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,760 Ah. Busy. 320 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,240 I'm blown away. 321 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,240 I had absolutely no idea. 322 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,560 Hildegard, can I just grab you for a second? 323 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:16,920 - Hello. - Hello. 324 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,360 Oh, Dad, hi. 325 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,840 Thank you for asking, yeah, I'm essentially a documentary maker. 326 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:26,880 Docs. 327 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,360 Oh, really? What is your latest project? 328 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,760 Well, sir, I'm interested in life, 329 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:40,080 and how it affects lots of people in all sorts of different ways. 330 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,440 Yeah, it's awesome. 331 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,440 - How did you meet? - I met her on a bus. 332 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,120 So easy to pick up girls these days. 333 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,320 I was, like, "Hi", and she was, like, "Take my number." 334 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,080 I was, like, "Yeah." 335 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,520 I'm just going to see if there are any other wines to try. 336 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:59,160 It's lovely, I'm just going to see if there are some others. 337 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,920 Excuse me. Can't resist. 338 00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:07,280 Did you find anything nicer? 339 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,800 Oh, I was so sorry to hear about Harry. 340 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,440 Lovely Harry. 341 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,200 Love Harry. 342 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,880 Exciting news about his new job. 343 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,520 Yes, very exciting. 344 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,480 I was so pleased that you'd found someone else so fast. 345 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:28,200 I just can't stop conjuring an image of you sitting around that cafe, 346 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,920 just all alone, feeling so terribly lonely. 347 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,640 Just can't stop picturing it. 348 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,320 I don't think you have to be alone to be lonely. 349 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,360 Dad always taught me that. 350 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,360 Did your father tell you that one of my pieces has gone missing? 351 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:45,960 He did. 352 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,120 That's awful, I'm so sorry. 353 00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,000 So sweet of you. 354 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,480 Very sweet. 355 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,000 May I cut in? 356 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,560 Yes, of course. 357 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:58,080 Do you know? You are the most perfect-looking pair. 358 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,800 Such a great gang. 359 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,760 Do you want some normal food? 360 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:06,920 No, no. 361 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,640 What I really want you to do... 362 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,160 ..is this. 363 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,640 Sorry, nothing happened. 364 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,400 I was trying to be sexy. 365 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,720 It was, it was really sexy. 366 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:18,920 - Was it? - What broke? 367 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:20,320 What broke? Show me. 368 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:21,600 Nothing, I just slipped. 369 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,680 Claire, this is my friend... 370 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,200 Yes, yes, we've already met. 371 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,240 My wife. 372 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,400 My wife. 373 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,560 My wife. 374 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:36,040 All of your desires are wrapped up in here. 375 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,960 OK. 376 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,000 Open it. 377 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,800 Well, gold has always... 378 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,600 Wow. 379 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,280 That's really rather wonderful. 380 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,280 Thank you. What is it? 381 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,160 Is it a paperweight, or...? 382 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,640 It is a shrine to your body... 383 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,880 .. because I love your body. 384 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,960 - Thank you. - Wow. 385 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,920 Wow. This is really... 386 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,400 Can I... Can I see this? 387 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,120 This is really quite something. 388 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,960 Wow, I think it's probably a bit inappropriate for your guests 389 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,680 to see your body at this... 390 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,560 I'm just going to... Shall I put it somewhere safe? 391 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,360 Smooth. 392 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:47,240 I told you I'd find you a buyer. 393 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:56,080 Your boy, he is hilarious, smart, funny... 394 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,120 Fuck off. 395 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,800 You'd fuck anything, wouldn't you? 396 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,080 Just don't tell her you got the statue from me, OK? 397 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,200 How much do you want for it? 398 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,320 Finger up the ass, nipple tickle...? 399 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,360 Come on, lighten up. 400 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,920 She's going to leave you one day. 401 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:26,760 You looking forward to that? 402 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:46,800 You're an asshole. 403 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:02,840 Hey. 404 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,560 Hey. 405 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,440 I think you took my coat. 406 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,640 Oh. 407 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:17,720 I'm sorry, that's my coat. 408 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:18,920 Sorry. 409 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,200 Why you leaving so early? 410 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,520 I have to give Hillary some Earl Grey. 411 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,760 She's not feeling well, so... 412 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,880 Oh, I got you this. 413 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,800 Oh, I wasn't expecting anything. 414 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,040 It's called a Burrower - it basically won't stop until you cum. 415 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,360 Sounds horrendous. Thank you. 416 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,600 Good birthday business? 417 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,480 Huge. 418 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:52,160 You know, I don't want to jinx anything, but huge. 419 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,440 Could be life-changing. 420 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:55,520 Great. 421 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,360 OK, happy birthday. 422 00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,400 Thanks. 423 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:01,920 Are you OK? 424 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,520 Yeah. 425 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:05,640 Tell the truth. 426 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:09,800 Are we leaving? 427 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,880 - Yes. - Birthday girl... 428 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,720 Awesome party, thank you so much. We had such a great night. 429 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,400 Oh. 430 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:19,720 What's that? Oh. 431 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,240 - Goodnight. - Goodnight. - Night. 432 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:35,920 Shall we? 433 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,600 Surprisingly bony. 434 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,240 I'm nearly finished. I'm nearly finished. 435 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,960 It's like having sex with a protractor. 436 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,680 I'm finishing. I'm finishing. 437 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,000 I'm done. I'm done. 438 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,080 - I'm done. - OK. 439 00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:00,360 Yeah. Are you done? 440 00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:02,640 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 441 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,400 Amazing. That was amazing. 442 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,880 - Yeah, yeah. - That was amazing. - Yeah. 443 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:10,440 - That was amazing. - Yeah. 444 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:16,960 For fuck's sake. 445 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,000 What? 446 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,840 OK, you don't go through life with teeth like these 447 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:25,520 and not know when someone's pretending. 448 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:34,000 - What the fuck is that? I'll kick it. - No, no. 449 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,080 I'll kick it. 450 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,120 What? 451 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,240 Did we catch that, or is that yours? 452 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:41,800 - That is a rat. - It's a guinea pig. 453 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:42,920 That is a rat.