Happy Thanksgiving!
What are all these cars?
Oh, just a few strays that didn't have anywhere to go.
It's not that many people.
That's Lila and her girlfriend Zadie, and Derek and Eric.
Rita from my ShopRite.
Jim, Megan, Aaron. I think that's Tom and Tommy.
Okay, honey. Take this in. We're gonna be here for a while.
No, it's not that many people.
And that one's Ginny. She's pretty much all packed up.
Oh. How you doing with that?
I'm good.
It was good to have them here. But, you know, it's time.
I've gotta get my house back to myself. Where's Jack?
Oh, he's driving up separately.
Yeah, he's doing one of his last long runs before next week,
and I didn't feel like waiting for him.
We've been trying to let each other do our own thing more lately.
We're freeballing it.
Okay. Sounds gross.
Whose car is that?
I don't know. It's just so wittle.
Who do I know that's wittle?
Happy Thanksgiving!
Did you borrow that car from Polly Pocket?
Guys, careful where you park that thing 'cause the baby might choke on it.
But for real, if we drip water on it, will it get bigger?
Fuck y'all!
Who are all these fucking people?
Hello. Hi, hi, hi!
Oh! Lila!
Hi.
You must be Zadie.
Hi.
- Happy Thanksgiving. - Happy Thanksgiving. Good to see you.
- Red or white? - Talk to the boss.
- Red, please. - Oh.
He got so big.
- Yeah, he's multiplying. - Happy Thanksgiving!
- Aw, you got big too. - Hi. He's so big!
Wonderful.
I'll drink this and my mood will change as follows.
Quiet rage.
Mostly rude.
Flirty. Still rude.
And finally, a return to me being adorable.
Let the journey begin.
I wanted us to try an Italian car, but then he hates it.
You know why? 'Cause he cannot drive stick.
Because I live in the present.
I also don't take steam trains or listen to the phonograph while I jog!
Anyway, the reason why we wanted that car
is because we've been talking about our next chapter, and…
Don't tell them.
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!
Hey!
So many people.
- Hey, Jack! - Looking hot!
Well, congratulations on becoming a state trooper, by the way.
- Talk to me about the look. - Don't worry, I brought a sweater.
- I do not care. - Haven't you heard? They're freeballing?
- Mm-hmm, yeah. - What?
- Thank you. - Put that in immediately.
We hacked marriage.
You know, she lets me look like this,
and I don't say anything when she wears her big mama underwear.
Yeah, and we don't have endless arguments about what's for dinner anymore.
I can have Triscuits and cottage cheese,
and he can order a meatball sub from that place where I saw a rat once.
- Jack, isn't your marathon next week? - Yes, Team Nick.
You know, I've been thinking about him a lot this week.
Oh, yeah. He used to love Thanksgiving.
Remember he spent a fortune on that, um,
uh, stupid turkey sword thing?
- Oh, no. - It was an old English carving blade.
And I have it right here.
No way.
- Aw. - Yeah.
We're doing all his old traditions, 'cause that's what he would've wanted.
You know, just the people he loved the most together in one…
- Terry alert! Terry approaching! - Shut up!
- Terry is here, everybody. - Terry is here.
- Say hi to Terry. Make yourself at home. - Hi, Terry.
All right then. Pants coming off.
Whoops. Whoops.
Oh, Ramona…
This is my hot tub crew
- Hi, happy Thanksgiving. - Happy Thanksgiving.
This is Ramona. She makes handcrafted looms.
- Oh, okay. - So you're a weaver?
No, I make looms.
Happy Thanksgiving. Ugh!
My hat.
"Talk to the boss."
It was a long ride in an uncomfortable car.
My hat got smushed.
Okay, but is it just about the car?
Why didn't you let me tell them about our plans?
Are you changing your mind?
No, it just wasn't the right moment.
I'll tell them.
Okay.
Let me see.
I can't do this without my haberdashery tools.
Why did Anne invite all these randos?
I didn't get a big enough turkey.
Terry and Ramona are gonna throw off the vibes of the talent show.
Maybe their talent could be grinding conversation to a halt.
Hmm, what's all this?
Oh, that is the little business plan for the place down the shore.
What do you think?
Well, I think when you mentioned doing an Airbnb,
I didn't realize you were, like, "make a whole binder" serious about it.
It's not an Airbnb. It's a B&B.
Like a bed and breakfast that I could run.
- Newhart shit. - Okay, cool.
Well, have fun.
Tell me how your life goes.
Wait, are you mad?
Well, I'm not psyched.
You're planning a new Airbnb life down the shore without me.
It's not "air."
And it's not without you.
All right, this isn't happening tomorrow.
There's gotta be loans and inspections and before any of that,
I need to talk to Danny and see if he's even into it.
Oh, well, that makes sense, 'cause Danny's your husband
and I'm a cartoon frog that you hang out with.
I mean, do you really not see what's mean about planning a life without me?
You're the one who wanted us to do our own thing.
Yeah, I meant we get off each other's backs,
not like we need an E-Z Pass to go see each other.
I don't think slamming drawers is healthy.
I am not mad.
I am thinking while closing drawers that are sticky.
Jack, Danny does this for a living, right?
This binder is just a bunch of shit I printed off Getty Images
until Danny either likes it or doesn't.
Yeah, or worse, until Danny likes it then doesn't.
Big idea Jones changes his mind about what he wants every two weeks.
I-I'm sorry.
Bet he'll like it.
Ah.
There you are.
What time do you have to be in Brooklyn for your vegan Friendsgiving?
It's not vegan. You're adding that in for no reason.
- We'll probably leave in like an hour. - Think you'll be back tomorrow for pie?
I got two things of Cool Whip,
so we can just rawdog one straight from the container.
Oh, my God. Don't say "rawdog."
Is Zadie having fun?
You think she'll be back for Christmas?
Uh, I don't know about that.
My therapist has been saying
it's really good to change up holiday traditions after someone dies.
And
this house…
Yeah. It's hard.
There's just so many memories here.
Yeah, and they were all with Dad.
So,
my friends and I were talking about taking our own trip for Christmas.
Maybe volunteer.
I'm sorry. Is that okay?
Yeah, I know. I get it.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Yes, definitely. For sure.
You should go somewhere too.
Like, um, sexy Christmas in Tokyo.
Honey, I am fine right here.
You don't worry about me, okay?
Okay.
- Thank you. - Okay.
- Love you. - Love you… more.
Hey, Gino. It's okay. It's okay, baby boy.
It's… Aw.
Honey, why don't you just leave the crib in case you guys sleep over on Christmas?
Oh, thanks, but he's used to that one.
Somebody's pissed. Is he hungry?
No, I-I-I just gave him a bottle.
- Is his diaper wet? - Um…
No, no. It's still dry. Okay, okay!
Twinkle, twinkle, make it stop
Does he hate me? I feel like he just hates me so much right now.
Nobody hates anybody.
We're just doing some fussing. That's all.
We're just doing some fussing. Right?
Here we go.
Look at you! You're fussing!
Let's see, we still got ten fingers and ten toes.
And so far, so good.
And…
How…
This was in his butt.
Oh, my God.
No, it wasn't actually in his butt. Just near his butt…
hole.
Anne, if I had been by myself, he would've been like this for hours.
- Hours. - Oh.
Don't make me take the earring out of your butt.
You want me to help take down the crib?
Um…
Yeah, I don't know. Maybe later.
Sorry.
Wait, who has COVID?
I cannot get sick right before LoomFest.
No, no, no. No one has COVID, all right?
It's just a Pagano family Thanksgiving tradition
started by the late, great Nick Pagano.
Oh, and first prize is…
this bad boy.
Who's in?
- Lila. - Fuck.
Lila, come on. Can I put you down for a song?
Mm-mm.
You still know how to play "Riptide" on the ukulele?
No, I'm good, Uncle Jack.
All right, uh, anybody else?
It's a tradition here we do.
Come on, come on. Terry.
Can't believe I'm saying this, but, uh, let's bust out that guitar, huh?
Why would I have brought a guitar?
Well…
- Hey. - Oh, sorry.
Katherine!
Sorry, did I scare you?
No, wait… Um, sit, actually. I wanted to talk to you.
Well, actually, I want to talk to you, too.
Oh, okay. Do you want to go first?
Hmm, you go first. Yeah. You go first.
Okay, ahem.
Okay, well, this is gonna sound like a zag…
Claude and I are moving to Italy!
Sorry, I went first.
What?
Yeah.
That's why we rented that stupid little car,
'cause that's what we'll need when we live in Claude's mountain village.
Mountain village?
I know!
When Claude first said it, I thought,
"What, am I gonna to have to put on skis every time I need to get toilet paper?"
But then,
we'd be closer to his family, you know, since we've always lived near mine.
It's big, I know.
Come on. What do you think?
Okay, well, if this is your latest thing, fine.
Uh, what do you mean, "my latest thing"?
Do you not see that you keep doing this?
You retile a kitchen for no reason.
And Patrizia, we all know how that turned out.
You were emailing surrogates three months ago.
Hey, madam, return to your lane.
No, okay, I'm sorry, okay.
But you asked me what I thought,
and you know I would never lie to you.
I mean, do you see yourself yodeling on an alp for the rest of your life?
Katherine.
Stop.
Claude really wants this.
And you're getting cold feet, and that's why you're fighting,
and that's why you asked me what I thought.
I'm gonna go remind Anne to put out both kinds of olives.
Yeah, you really should go fucking do that.
- Hey, did you talk to Danny? - Uh, kind of.
- How do you "kinda" talk to someone? - It was complicated. Don't worry about it.
Wait, come on, I feel shitty about earlier.
Can we just not freeball for a second? What happened?
Jack, it is the middle of Thanksgiving.
Does everyone here need a one-act play about our communication skills? I am fine.
Hey. We're trying to leave, but there's, like, a food delivery robot in the way.
That's my car.
Okay.
And…
Son of a bitch.
Goddammit! You Italian piece of shit!
Are you talking about me?
No, I…
It's this car.
Why doesn't it know I'm good at everything?
Is it just the car? Really?
You've been stressed out all day. I think this is about the move.
I know how hard it is. I've been there, I've done it.
Yeah.
You know how long it took me to adjust to your disgusting food and language?
I know.
I only want to go to Italy if you're excited to go too.
Now get the fuck out so I can move the car.
- Come on. - Okay.
All right.
Hey!
It's okay. In Italy, we believe cars can touch a little bit.
You're quiet. You okay over there?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Well, except I found a stuffing that has wild rice, raisins, and jalapeños in it.
Should I throw it out or call the police?
Oh. Hey, Anne.
Hey.
I just want to say thanks for inviting all of us with nowhere to go.
- It means the world. - That is so sweet, Terry.
You know,
some of my friends were ribbing me about inviting too many people.
Well, I think it's beautiful.
I have to say, I was a little shocked when I got your e-vite.
But then I'm like, "Terry, there's only one reason
why somebody would invite this many people to their house."
So many people that you can't hear your own thoughts.
And the reason is, Anne…
you've got a big heart.
Yes.
It…
That.
- Terry, go see if people want toothpicks. - Okay.
- Oh, Danny! - Uh-uh. Nope.
Alrighty.
- Kate, can I grab you for a second? - Yeah.
Danny, I'm sorry.
Look…
We are moving to Italy.
Yeah, and parts of it are scary.
And Claude and I will have dumb-ass fights
where I act like a little brat about a tiny car.
But I'm a little brat about a lot of things.
About the length of straight men's shorts.
Uh, when we enter a restaurant and a waiter says, "Welcome in."
The point is, this is our next chapter.
It's the next chapter that the man I love wants the most.
And I'm not gonna
let my bullshit fuck it up.
Yeah.
You sound sure. You could've said all that the first time.
So when do you go?
Two weeks.
Wow.
Okay, so you, my friend, are moving to Italy.
Yeah.
Congratulations.
I look forward to hearing you say,
"It's 3:00 p.m., why the fuck is everything closed?"
Don't let Jersey change you too much, little bro.
I don't want to find a gold chain in your neck rolls.
Oh.
Well, actually, I think we might hold off on New Jersey for a second.
Yeah, I think we might stick around here for the holidays.
Seriously?
Yeah! Your mom kind of hinted we could stay.
Okay. Just maybe try to move out before you're fully Grey-Gardensing.
No, I say that with love.
Yes, I-I deeply appreciate that.
- Yeah. - No Grey Gardens for us.
Okay.
- Hi. - Heading out?
- Yeah. Love you. - Love you.
- Mm. - Be safe.
Thank you. I'll send pics.
- Thanksgiving bib. - Bye.
How cute is this bib?
Thanksgiving bib.
- Dinner's ready. - Oh, great!
- Whatever. - Better, yes.
- Wow! - I so big!
All right, the turkey's ready.
- Finally. - Oh. Um…
Jack, you can sit here. I'll go sit at the card table.
No, no, no, no, you stay.
I'm happy to sit at the, uh, card table.
- Yeah. - Thank you.
- Hi. - Oh, hi!
- Thank you. - Park it here. Turkey party.
All right.
Oh, wow.
Hey, uh, have any of you seen Kate?
No.
So, Jeff, you work at ShopRite with Rita?
Mm-mm.
Uh, excuse me.
Kate?
Hey. What happened?
Is this about Danny? What'd he say?
No, it doesn't matter. I'm fine. Go.
No, Kate, come on. You're crying.
I talked to Danny, and…
It's too much to explain.
Wait, was he snarky about it?
This Thanksgiving is fucked up enough without the core group turning on each…
What are you talking about core group? We're not the fucking Goonies.
Wait, why'd you throw out the Airbnb…
It's not "air" and it's not happening. Go out. Go!
Hey. Danny.
Hey.
Were you a wang about the binder?
- What? - What?
Were you a wang about the binder?
What?
Kate's B&B, not "air."
Were you mean about the binder of it?
Are you having a stroke?
Am I having a stroke?
- Are you okay? - You need to calm down.
No, no, no. He needs to answer me. All right?
Kate is upstairs right now, sobbing!
Stop telling him!
Look, you don't want to do the bed and breakfast, fine.
- But you didn't have to hurt her. - What bed and breakfast?
All I said was that we're moving to Italy.
What?
- You're moving to Italy? - Yes.
Oh, so what, just fuck the core group?
- Is that… - Stop saying "core group."
Jack, you need to take a deep breath.
You're approaching "woman who needs to be duct taped to her plane seat" territory.
Jack, stop it.
Wait, why are you carving the turkey before we say what we're all thankful for?
What, this is the turkey?
Oh, I thought it was a little side turkey for, like, me and Ramona.
Okay, you know what? It's canceled. Thanksgiving is canceled.
- No! - Jack!
No one has any gratitude for anyone else here.
Fuck it. I'm done being the only one who gives a shit!
- Jack, no! - What the hell?
Are you okay?
What the…
Oh.
Your marathon.
And I thank you, and I appreciate you, and I love you, and drive safe.
Are you okay?
I'm sorry he called you a wong.
- A wong? - A wag.
- It's a wang. - What is the wang?
Don't even worry about it. I'm fine. Although I have been a wang.
I'm sorry about today.
I'm excited to go with you to Italy. I'm so excited.
And if it makes you happy, I'll get an even smaller car when we get there.
I can drive with my head popping out of the sunroof.
Okay.
Ciao!
Okay.
Come on.
Oh.
Why are these things' two modes, broken umbrella and bear trap?
I brought you some leftovers for the weekend,
and the meat is rotisserie chicken from my fridge.
I promise it is not dirt turkey.
Thanks.
I, uh…
I was thinking of maybe taking you up on your offer
to stay just a little bit longer.
I know you were.
But I am kicking you out.
Uh, what?
You are ready for this, and you are good at it, Ginny.
Okay, um, yeah, but what if I fuck up and you're not there to help me?
Yeah. It's okay to fuck up.
It is literally how you get better at it.
I just hate seeing you doubt yourself.
Because once you invite that voice into your head,
the one that tells you that you can't do anything,
it is really hard to evict that fucker.
You got to trust me on that one.
Okay.
Mm.
Okay. I got to get one last hit off of this good stuff.
Yeah, get in there.
I got to get one last hit off of this good stuff.
That's a boy.
Does Anne need her peas back?
Let me see it.
What were you thinking?
I mean, isn't it obvious?
I wanted to ruin Thanksgiving and the marathon I worked all year on.
I definitely wasn't worried about my crying wife who won't talk to me.
Oh, it's my fault? That's why you kicked dinner across the yard.
I fucked up, okay? I'm…
It's okay.
- You're gonna be okay. - No.
I'm really sorry. I mean, I…
Me too.
Just think of the amazing story you gave Ramona for LoomFest.
God.
Been married like a billion years. How are we still so bad at this?
I don't know.
But, you know, maybe growing further apart on purpose was a stupid idea.
Okay, kiddo.
Okay, it's just you and me now. Yeah.
How'd you like to Grey Gardens with me for the next 18 to 40 years?
That's a yes. Okay.
Annie!