Okay, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough?
Is there something repellent about me?
- So, how was the party? - Well, it couldn't have been worse.
A woman literally passed through me.
Okay, so, what is it?
- Am I hideously unattractive? - No, you are not.
You are very attractive.
You know what, I go through the exact same thing.
Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everything.
Whoa, whoa, I've… I've-I've put on a little weight?
- Did you want to… - Yeah.
No, not "weight." You know, more like insulation.
Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project.
You want to work out? I-I can remake you.
Uh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way
of my lying around time.
- Please. - Come on. Let her do it.
Alright, okay, alright, but if we put on spandex
and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home.
Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything.
Come here. Come here.
Oh… can't… make… hands… meet.
Okay, let's do it.
What?
Nothing, just never seen you in little stretchy pants before.
And we're changing.
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Come on, give me five more.
- Five more! - No!
Five more and I'll flash you.
One!
Two!
Two and a half!
Okay, just show me one of them.
She's insane. The woman is insane.
It's before work. It's after work. It's during work.
She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk.
And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
Hey, Pheebs, how did it go with Scott last night?
Oh, um, it was nice. Took him to a romantic restaurant.
Ordered champagne. Nice.
- The guy still won't put out, huh? - Nope, zilch, nothin', huh-uh.
Sorry, Pheebs.
Look, I, you know, I don't mind taking it slow. I like him a lot.
You know, he's really interesting and he's really sweet.
Why won't he give it up?
Or maybe he drives his car on the other side of the road
if you know what I mean.
No, what do you mean? He's not British.
Maybe he's gay.
Umm, no, I don't think that's the problem, no.
'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night
and just the way he held me so close
and the way he was looking into my eyes,
I just… I definitely felt something.
Yeah, but how much can you tell from a look?
No, no, I felt it on my hip. I could tell.
Yo, Bing! Racquetball in 20 minutes.
Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it.
- Oh, oh, Rachel, don't look. - What?
Come on, you guys, I don't care. I have a date tonight.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! You have a date? - Yeah. Monica set me up.
What, uh, what about, uh, Ross and…
Oh, what, my whole insane jealousy thing?
Well, you know, as much fun as that was
I've decided to opt for sanity.
So, you're really okay about all this?
Oh, yeah. Come on. I'm moving on.
He can press her up against that window as much as he wants.
For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
- Hi, guys. - Hey.
Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning
and pick up Fluffy's old cat toys, okay?
Only if you say his full name.
Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's…
…cat toys?
- Alright. - You're getting a cat?
Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.
- Together? - Uh-huh.
- Both of you? - Yep.
Together?
Yeah, we figured, it'll live with Ross half the time
and with me half the time.
Oh, well, isn't that just lovely?
That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy
for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
Hopefully.
Well, whoa, look at that!
I got to go. I got a date. With a man.
Okay.
You guys have a, uh, have a really good night.
And you two have a, uh, have a really good cat.
Okay, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
I don't know if Monica told you
but this is the first date I've gone on since my divorce.
So, if I seem a little nervous…
Well, I am.
- How long do cats live? - I'm sorry?
Cats. How long do they live? Figuring you don't, you know,
throw them under a bus or something.
Um… maybe 15, 16 years.
Well, that's just great.
Cheers!
Right. Clink.
Monica told you I was cuter than this, didn't she?
Oh, no, Michael.
It's not you. I'm sorry. It's just, it's this thing.
It's probably not as bad as it sounds
but this friend of mine is-is getting a cat with his girlfriend.
Oh. That does sound…
I mean, he just started going out with her.
Is this guy, uh, an old boyfriend?
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Yeah, he wishes.
Oh, I'm sorry. Look at me.
Okay, Michael, let's talk about you.
- Alright. - Okay.
So…
…you ever get a pet with a girlfriend?
- So, I figured it out. - What?
Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me.
It's 'cause I'm not sexy enough.
Oh, Phoebe, that's crazy.
When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler?
I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."
Really? That's so sweet.
I mean, I'm officially offended, you know,
but it's so sweet.
Pheebs, look, if you want to know what the deal is
you just gonna have to ask him.
You're right. You're right.
Uh, you are so yum.
I mean, it's a cat. You know? It's-it's a cat.
Why can't they get one of those bugs? You know, one of those fruit flies.
Those things that live for like a day or something.
What are they called? What are they called?
- Fruit flies? - Yes! Thank you.
- Sir, would you like any dessert? - No! No dessert.
Just the check… please.
Oh, no.
- You're not having fun, are you? - No, no, I am.
But only because, for the last hour and a half
I've been playing the movie "Diner" in my head.
Oh, look at me. Look at me.
Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy,
and all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his Julie.
I just want to get over him. God, I just wanna, why can't I do that?
Oy!
Look, I've been through a divorce. Trust me, you're going to be fine.
You just can't see it now because you haven't had any closure.
Closure. That's what it is. That's what I need.
God, you're brilliant!
Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?
Well, there's no, you know, one way, really.
It's just, you know,
whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him
"I'm over you."
That's what it is.
Closure.
Hello. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
- Hang on. - Hello, excuse me.
- What? - Hi, I'm sorry.
I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.
- I'm talking. - I can see that.
I just, one phone call.
I'll be very quick. I'll even pay for it myself.
Okay, you're being a little weird about your phone.
Alright. Fine.
I'll call you back.
Thank you.
Okay.
Machine.
- Just waiting for the beep. - Good.
Ross, hi.
It's Rachel.
I'm just calling to say that… um…
everything's fine.
And I'm really happy for you
and your cat.
Who, by the way, I think you should name Michael.
And, you know, you see there
I'm thinking of names
so, obviously, I am over you.
I… am over… you.
And that, my friend is what they call "Closure."
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no!
Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday.
- Why not? - Because it's Sunday!
It's God's day.
Hey, you say stop and we stop.
Okay!
- Stop. - No! Come on! We can't stop!
Come on! We got three more pounds to go!
I am the energy train and you are on board.
Hey, Rach.
Oh. And how was the date?
Um, I think there was a restaurant.
I know there was wine.
Wow, well, uh…
Actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab.
I just need the cat toys. Did Monica say…
…what, why-why are you looking at me like that?
I'm so, I don't know. I feel like I had a dream about you last night.
But… I don't remember.
Okay.
Did we speak on the phone last night?
- Did you call me? - No.
I stayed at Julie's last night.
Oh, actually, I haven't even been home yet.
Do you mind if I check my messages?
Oh, yeah. Go ahead.
Rach, I got a message from you.
Who's Michael?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, Ross, no. Hang up the phone! Give me the phone!
- You're over me? - Oh, God!
Wha… you're uh… you're… you're over me?
Oh my God!
Oh God!
When… when were you…
…under me?
Rach?
Rachel, do you…
I mean, were you, uh…
- What? - Okay, okay.
Well…
…basically, lately I've, uh…
I've, uh, sort of had feelings for you.
You've… had feelings for me.
Yeah? What? So? You had feelings for me first.
You know about my… I mean, you know I had… You know? You…
- Chandler told me. - Chandler.
When did he, when did he, when did he?
- When you were in China. - China.
- Meeting Julie. - Julie. Julie.
That's… oh, God.
Julie, Julie.
Right. Okay, I need to lie down.
No, you know, I'm going to stand.
I'm going to stand and I'm going to walk.
I'm walking and… I am standing.
Okay, so you, uh…
And now, what… and now, now… now you're over me?
Are you over me?
That's… that's Julie.
That's Ju… Julie. Julie!
Hi, Julie!
Hi, honey. I've got a cab waiting.
I'll be right down.
Wait, so, you're going?
Well, okay. I, uh, I have to. I can't deal with this right now.
I mean, I've, uh… you know, I've got a cab. I've got a girlfriend.
I'm-I'm going to go get a cat.
Okay, okay.
Cat.
- Hey, Joey. - Hey, Pheeb.
How come you're watching a rabbi play electric guitar?
I can't find the remote.
Oh. Thank you.
So Scott asked me to come over for lunch today and I did.
- And? - And we did.
Alright, Pheebs! Way to go!
Yay me.
So… so how did it happen?
Well, I finally took your advice and asked him what was going on.
And what did he say?
He said that he understands
how sex can be, like, a very emotional thing for a woman
and he was just afraid that I was going to get all,
you know, like, "Is he going to call me the next day?"
and, you know, "Where is this going?"
and, you know, blah, blah, blah, yeah,
so he said he wanted to hold off
until he was prepared to be really serious.
- Wow. - Yeah.
So I said, "Okay, relax, please."
You know… I mean…
…sex can be just about two people right there
in the moment, you know.
If he wants to see me again, he can call and if not, that's fine too.
So after a lot of talking…
…I convinced him.
Let me get this straight,
he got you to beg to sleep with him.
He got you to say he never has to call you again
and… he got you thinking this is a great idea?
Uh-huh.
This man is my God.
Goodnight, Gunther.
- Hi. - I didn't get a cat.
Oh, that's, um… interesting.
No. No, it's not interesting, okay?
It's very, very not interesting.
It's actually a 100% completely the opposite of interesting.
Oh, I got it, Ross.
You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me.
- What? - I was doing great with Julie.
Before I found out about you.
Hey, I was doing great before I found out about you.
You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?
Well, then, you should have said something before I met her!
I didn't know then! And how come you never said anything to me?
There was never a good time.
Right, because you only had a year and we only hung out every night.
Not-not… not… every night.
You know, and-and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel
but things got in the way.
You know, like-like Italian guys or ex-fiances
or, or, or… Italian guys.
Hey, there was one Italian guy, okay?
And do you even have a point?
The point is I, I don't need this right now.
Okay? It's-it's too late.
I'm with somebody else. I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
Okay, so what you're going to just put away feelings
or whatever the hell it was that you felt?
Hey, I've been doing it since the ninth grade.
I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
Alright, fine. You go ahead and you do that alright, Ross?
- Fine. Fine. - I don't need your stupid ship!
- Good. - Good.
And you know what? Now I got closure!
Try the bottom one.
Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning.
We're not working out. It's over.
No way! With one pound to go? Come on!
We're working, we're moving
We're in the zone, we're grooving
Okay, I don't-I don't mind the last pound, okay?
In fact, I kind of like the last pound.
Okay, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret.
Oh! What you going to do, fat boy?
What?
Nothing, except tell you I think it's wonderful
how much energy you have.
Well! Thanks.
I mean especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work.
Well, you know, you…
You know, I mean you can't tell your parents you were fired
because they'd be disappointed.
Uh-huh.
And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on.
Well, no, but, uh…
I mean, if it were me,
I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all.
You know, I try to stay positive.
So, you…
…you feel like going for a run?
Alright.
Because, you know, you don't have to.
If you want, you could just take a nap right here.
Okay.
Just for a little while.
Okay.