1 00:00:47,030 --> 00:00:49,110 - Ross kissed me. - No! 2 00:00:49,430 --> 00:00:51,590 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 3 00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:53,149 It was unbelievable. 4 00:00:53,229 --> 00:00:55,629 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 5 00:00:56,510 --> 00:00:58,030 Okay, alright. We want to hear everything. 6 00:00:58,110 --> 00:01:00,309 Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. 7 00:01:01,189 --> 00:01:04,230 Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues? 8 00:01:04,309 --> 00:01:06,469 Oh, it ended very well. 9 00:01:07,270 --> 00:01:10,430 Do not start without me! 10 00:01:10,509 --> 00:01:13,110 Okay, alright. Let's hear about the kiss. 11 00:01:13,189 --> 00:01:15,790 Was it like, was it like a soft brush against your lips 12 00:01:15,870 --> 00:01:18,989 or was it like a, you know, "I got to have you now" kinda thing? 13 00:01:19,749 --> 00:01:22,470 Well, at first, it was really intense, you know, 14 00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,550 and then… oh, God. 15 00:01:24,629 --> 00:01:26,749 And then we just sort of sunk into it. 16 00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:28,590 Oh, so okay, was he holding you 17 00:01:28,669 --> 00:01:31,029 or-or was his hands, like, on your back, you know? 18 00:01:31,109 --> 00:01:34,510 No, actually, first they-they, they started out on my waist 19 00:01:34,590 --> 00:01:37,069 and then, they slid up and then, they were in my hair. 20 00:01:40,270 --> 00:01:42,389 And, uh… and then I kissed her. 21 00:01:42,989 --> 00:01:44,349 - Tongue? - Yeah. 22 00:01:44,429 --> 00:01:45,429 Cool. 23 00:02:31,669 --> 00:02:33,909 Alright, check out this bad boy. 24 00:02:33,990 --> 00:02:37,309 Twelve megabytes of RAM. 500 megabyte hard drive. 25 00:02:37,389 --> 00:02:38,990 Built-in spreadsheet capabilities 26 00:02:39,070 --> 00:02:42,630 and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 bps. 27 00:02:43,269 --> 00:02:45,029 Wow. What are you gonna use it for? 28 00:02:45,829 --> 00:02:46,829 Games and stuff. 29 00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:51,669 There are no jobs! There are no jobs for me. 30 00:02:52,109 --> 00:02:53,190 Wait, here's one. 31 00:02:54,510 --> 00:02:56,470 Would you be willing to cook naked? 32 00:02:56,989 --> 00:02:58,510 There's an ad for a naked chef? 33 00:02:58,589 --> 00:03:00,869 No, but if you're willing to cook naked 34 00:03:00,950 --> 00:03:03,389 then you might be willing to dance naked, 35 00:03:03,470 --> 00:03:04,510 and then… 36 00:03:06,669 --> 00:03:08,230 - Hi. - Hey. 37 00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:10,829 Oh, so… how'd you make out last night? 38 00:03:14,030 --> 00:03:16,630 That-that is funny. That is painfully funny. 39 00:03:16,709 --> 00:03:18,030 No, wait. Wait. 40 00:03:18,109 --> 00:03:19,589 Yeah, that's just painful. 41 00:03:20,669 --> 00:03:23,429 Wait a minute. I thought last night was-was great. 42 00:03:23,510 --> 00:03:25,989 Yeah, it was, but… I get home, okay? 43 00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:29,070 And I see Julie's saline solution on my night table 44 00:03:29,149 --> 00:03:31,510 and I'm thinking to myself, "Oh, my God, what the hell am I doing?" 45 00:03:31,589 --> 00:03:34,589 I mean, here I am, I'm with Julie, this incredible, great woman 46 00:03:34,669 --> 00:03:36,709 who I care about and-and who cares about me 47 00:03:36,790 --> 00:03:39,950 and I'm, like, "What, am I just gonna throw all that away?" 48 00:03:40,030 --> 00:03:42,389 You got all that from saline solution? 49 00:03:43,269 --> 00:03:45,230 Wait a minute, we're talking about Rachel here. 50 00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:46,630 - You and Rachel. - Well, believe me. 51 00:03:46,709 --> 00:03:48,429 I've been dreaming about me and Rachel 52 00:03:48,510 --> 00:03:51,630 for, like, ten years now, but now, I'm with Julie, 53 00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:54,549 you know, so it's like, me and Julie, me and Rachel, 54 00:03:54,630 --> 00:03:56,429 me and Julie, me and Rach… 55 00:03:57,389 --> 00:03:58,669 Rachel, Rachel. 56 00:03:59,589 --> 00:04:01,070 - Hey, you. - How are you? 57 00:04:01,869 --> 00:04:04,669 - Good. How are you? - Good. Good. 58 00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:07,350 - Hi, honey. - Hi, Julie. Hi… Julie! 59 00:04:08,269 --> 00:04:09,269 Julie. 60 00:04:10,030 --> 00:04:11,589 Um… how are you? 61 00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:12,829 - Good. - Good. 62 00:04:13,429 --> 00:04:14,549 So everybody's here. 63 00:04:15,950 --> 00:04:16,950 Everybody's good. 64 00:04:20,389 --> 00:04:22,230 So were you gonna play something, Phoebe? 65 00:04:22,310 --> 00:04:23,350 Oh. Well, actually… 66 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:24,950 - Play it! - Okay. 67 00:04:26,910 --> 00:04:27,910 Alright. 68 00:04:28,549 --> 00:04:30,149 Hey, Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses. 69 00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:31,269 What? 70 00:04:33,589 --> 00:04:35,030 Okay, um… hi. 71 00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,950 Hello. Hi! Okay. 72 00:04:37,470 --> 00:04:38,470 So… 73 00:04:39,269 --> 00:04:42,269 …this is a song, um, about a love triangle 74 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,230 between three people that I made up. 75 00:04:47,709 --> 00:04:50,589 It's called, um, "Two of them kissed last night." 76 00:04:54,070 --> 00:04:55,669 There was a girl 77 00:04:55,750 --> 00:04:57,310 We'll call her Betty 78 00:04:57,790 --> 00:05:00,870 And a guy, let's call him Neal 79 00:05:01,550 --> 00:05:02,750 Now 80 00:05:02,829 --> 00:05:05,510 I can't stress this point too strongly 81 00:05:05,589 --> 00:05:07,029 This story isn't real 82 00:05:10,829 --> 00:05:12,670 And now our Neal must decide 83 00:05:12,990 --> 00:05:15,389 Who will be the girl that he casts aside 84 00:05:15,469 --> 00:05:17,870 Will Betty be the one who he loves truly 85 00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:20,630 Or will it be the one who we'll call Loolie 86 00:05:24,310 --> 00:05:25,550 He must decide 87 00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:26,829 He must decide 88 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:28,110 Even though I made him up 89 00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:31,070 He must decide 90 00:05:33,670 --> 00:05:35,709 Well, this is a nice resume. 91 00:05:36,630 --> 00:05:38,190 Nice, nice, nice. 92 00:05:39,029 --> 00:05:40,389 Muy impressivo! 93 00:05:41,829 --> 00:05:44,430 Uh, so, Mr. Rastatter, what exactly does this job entail? 94 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,349 The ad-the ad wasn't too clear. 95 00:05:47,029 --> 00:05:48,029 Mockolate. 96 00:05:49,029 --> 00:05:50,229 - I'm sorry? - Mockolate. 97 00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:53,190 It's a completely synthetic chocolate substitute. 98 00:05:55,950 --> 00:05:57,349 Well, go ahead. Try a piece. 99 00:05:57,430 --> 00:06:00,469 Yeah, we think that Mockolate is even better than chocolate. 100 00:06:00,550 --> 00:06:01,550 Alright. 101 00:06:08,430 --> 00:06:09,469 Yeah? 102 00:06:10,389 --> 00:06:11,709 I love how it crumbles. 103 00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:14,430 Now see, your chocolate doesn't do that. 104 00:06:14,510 --> 00:06:15,510 No, ma'am. 105 00:06:16,389 --> 00:06:19,670 Well, anywho we should be getting our FDA approval any day now. 106 00:06:20,909 --> 00:06:23,110 Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. 107 00:06:23,589 --> 00:06:26,149 See, the way we look at it, chocolate already dominates 108 00:06:26,229 --> 00:06:28,269 most of your major food preparation holidays, 109 00:06:28,349 --> 00:06:30,190 Easter, Christmas, what have you. 110 00:06:30,630 --> 00:06:33,229 But we're thinking, given the right marketing, 111 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:36,229 we can make Thanksgiving, the Mockolate holiday. 112 00:06:37,389 --> 00:06:38,430 Wow. 113 00:06:39,110 --> 00:06:40,789 Aren't you gonna swallow that? 114 00:06:41,589 --> 00:06:43,789 Just waiting for it to stop bubbling. 115 00:06:44,190 --> 00:06:45,510 Yeah. Isn't that great? 116 00:06:47,469 --> 00:06:50,789 Well, anywho, we're looking for a couple of chefs 117 00:06:50,870 --> 00:06:52,909 who can create some Thanksgiving-themed recipes. 118 00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:54,190 You think you might be interested? 119 00:06:54,269 --> 00:06:57,070 Abso… lutely! 120 00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:00,589 See, I love creating new recipes. 121 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,789 I love Thanksgiving and, well, now… 122 00:07:02,870 --> 00:07:04,029 …I love Mockolate. 123 00:07:04,110 --> 00:07:06,349 - Really? - Especially that aftertaste. 124 00:07:06,430 --> 00:07:08,149 You know, I'll tell you… 125 00:07:08,229 --> 00:07:10,389 …that'll last you till Christmas. 126 00:07:14,589 --> 00:07:16,110 How about Mockolate mousse? 127 00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:19,310 It's not… it's not very Thanksgiving-y. 128 00:07:19,950 --> 00:07:22,190 Okay. How about Pilgrim Mockolate mousse? 129 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:24,670 What makes it Pilgrim? 130 00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:26,110 We'll put buckles on it. 131 00:07:27,709 --> 00:07:29,029 - Hey. - Hey. 132 00:07:29,789 --> 00:07:31,029 Did Ross call? 133 00:07:31,110 --> 00:07:32,149 No, I'm sorry. 134 00:07:33,229 --> 00:07:34,589 Why didn't he call? 135 00:07:35,310 --> 00:07:37,190 He's gonna stay with Julie, isn't he? 136 00:07:37,269 --> 00:07:39,349 He's gonna stay with her, and she's gonna be all, 137 00:07:39,430 --> 00:07:42,709 "Hi. I'm Julie. Ross picked me, and we're going to get married" 138 00:07:42,789 --> 00:07:45,430 "and have lots of kids, and dig up stuff together!" 139 00:07:47,389 --> 00:07:49,870 No offense, but that sounds nothing like her. 140 00:07:52,550 --> 00:07:54,430 I don't know what I'm gonna do. What am I gonna do? 141 00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:56,430 I mean, this-this is like a complete nightmare. 142 00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:58,589 Oh, I know, this must be so hard. 143 00:07:58,670 --> 00:08:00,349 "Oh, no. Two women love me!" 144 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,789 "They're both gorgeous and sexy!" 145 00:08:03,870 --> 00:08:05,389 "My wallet's too small for my fifties" 146 00:08:05,469 --> 00:08:07,630 "and my diamond shoes are too tight!" 147 00:08:09,269 --> 00:08:10,829 - Hey, here's a thought, Ross. - Don't touch the computer. 148 00:08:10,909 --> 00:08:12,630 Don't ever touch the computer. 149 00:08:13,990 --> 00:08:16,229 Ross, listen. I got two words for you. 150 00:08:16,909 --> 00:08:17,909 Threesome. 151 00:08:21,630 --> 00:08:23,589 Okay, alright, look, let's get logical about this. 152 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,630 Okay, we'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. 153 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,149 We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, 154 00:08:33,229 --> 00:08:35,709 and I can use different colors for each column. 155 00:08:36,469 --> 00:08:38,990 - Can't we just use a pen? - No, Amish boy. 156 00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:45,389 Alright, let's start with the cons, 'cause they're more fun. 157 00:08:45,469 --> 00:08:46,630 Rachel first. 158 00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:48,349 I don't know. 159 00:08:48,709 --> 00:08:49,709 I mean… 160 00:08:50,149 --> 00:08:52,269 …alright, I guess you can say, she's… 161 00:08:52,349 --> 00:08:54,389 …she's a little spoiled sometimes. 162 00:08:55,070 --> 00:08:56,149 You could say that. 163 00:08:58,389 --> 00:09:02,469 I guess, you know, sometimes, she's-she's a little ditzy, you know, 164 00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:05,789 and I've-I've seen her be a little too into her looks. 165 00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:08,229 Oh, and like, Julie and I, we have a lot in common 166 00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:09,990 'cause we're both paleontologists, right? 167 00:09:10,070 --> 00:09:12,550 But R-Rachel's just a waitress. 168 00:09:13,269 --> 00:09:14,269 Waitress. 169 00:09:14,909 --> 00:09:16,869 Got it. You guys want to play Doom? 170 00:09:19,749 --> 00:09:21,310 Or we could keep doing this. 171 00:09:23,349 --> 00:09:24,349 What else? 172 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,229 I don't know. 173 00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:30,270 Oh, her ankles are a little chubby. 174 00:09:32,509 --> 00:09:33,869 Okay. Let's do Julie. 175 00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,270 What's wrong with her? 176 00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:39,910 She's not Rachel. 177 00:09:44,629 --> 00:09:47,629 Okay, this is pumpkin pie with a Mockolate cookie crumb crust. 178 00:09:47,709 --> 00:09:49,469 This is Mockolate cranberry cake, 179 00:09:49,550 --> 00:09:53,469 and these are Mockolate chip cookies, just like the Indians served. 180 00:09:56,829 --> 00:09:59,109 - Oh, my God! - "Oh, my God" good? 181 00:09:59,190 --> 00:10:02,670 Oh, my God, I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth. 182 00:10:02,749 --> 00:10:07,550 Oh! Oh! Sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like. 183 00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:15,349 I'm telling you, this thing won't print. 184 00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:18,550 Yes, I pressed that button, like, a hundred times. 185 00:10:18,629 --> 00:10:21,070 You know, for a hot line, you're not so hot. 186 00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:24,229 What… what is that in the background? 187 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,469 Are you watching "Star Trek?" 188 00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:32,310 Hey. 189 00:10:33,190 --> 00:10:35,509 So how'd it go with Julie? Did you break her heart? 190 00:10:35,589 --> 00:10:37,790 Yes. It was horrible. 191 00:10:37,869 --> 00:10:39,270 She cried, I cried. 192 00:10:39,349 --> 00:10:40,989 She threw things, they hit me. 193 00:10:42,229 --> 00:10:43,270 Anyway… 194 00:10:43,989 --> 00:10:45,349 I did the right thing. 195 00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:47,589 So Spock actually hugs his father? 196 00:10:49,790 --> 00:10:51,150 Hey, do you guys have… 197 00:10:53,310 --> 00:10:54,469 - Hi. - Hi. 198 00:10:55,550 --> 00:10:56,670 Where you going? 199 00:10:56,749 --> 00:11:00,869 I, uh, I just got back from, uh… from Julie's. 200 00:11:03,910 --> 00:11:06,190 No, no, uh, it's not what you think. 201 00:11:06,270 --> 00:11:08,030 It's… it's the other thing. 202 00:11:15,229 --> 00:11:18,589 Well, heh, ahem, what's the other thing? What do I think? 203 00:11:20,550 --> 00:11:22,709 - Well, uh… - He broke up with Julie! 204 00:11:24,629 --> 00:11:26,629 Well, go hug her, for God's sakes. 205 00:11:29,030 --> 00:11:30,709 - Really? - Really. 206 00:11:32,070 --> 00:11:33,629 It's always been you, Rach. 207 00:11:33,950 --> 00:11:35,349 Oh, God. 208 00:11:46,989 --> 00:11:49,349 Oh, this is good, this is really good. 209 00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:51,950 I know, I know, It's-it's almost… 210 00:11:58,709 --> 00:12:01,390 What do you say we go take a walk, just us, not them? 211 00:12:02,070 --> 00:12:04,030 - Okay. Let me get my coat. - Okay. No, hey! 212 00:12:04,109 --> 00:12:05,829 Whoa, whoa, I'll get your coat. 213 00:12:07,070 --> 00:12:08,109 Okay. 214 00:12:13,310 --> 00:12:14,709 He's going to get my coat. 215 00:12:15,390 --> 00:12:18,550 He's going to get my coat! Oh, my God, you guys, I can't believe this! 216 00:12:18,629 --> 00:12:20,030 This is unbelievable! 217 00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:22,950 - What's that? - What? Nothing! 218 00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:26,629 What is that? I saw my name. What is it? 219 00:12:26,709 --> 00:12:28,229 No, no. See? See? 220 00:12:29,190 --> 00:12:30,430 Hey, it's printing! 221 00:12:31,310 --> 00:12:32,430 Hey, it's printing! 222 00:12:34,229 --> 00:12:37,109 - Well, what is it? Let me see. - Hey, someone order a coat? 223 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:39,190 Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer 224 00:12:39,270 --> 00:12:40,509 and he won't let me see. 225 00:12:40,589 --> 00:12:42,270 He won't, he won't? 226 00:12:42,869 --> 00:12:43,950 He… 227 00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:46,109 …because isn't that, isn't that the… 228 00:12:46,190 --> 00:12:48,430 …the-the short story you were writing? 229 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,869 Yes, yes, it is the short story… 230 00:12:51,430 --> 00:12:52,829 …that I was writing. 231 00:12:52,910 --> 00:12:54,709 And I'm in it? Well, let me read it! 232 00:12:54,790 --> 00:12:55,790 No! 233 00:12:58,030 --> 00:12:59,430 - Come on! - Hey! 234 00:12:59,790 --> 00:13:01,469 Uh, why don't you read it to her? 235 00:13:11,430 --> 00:13:12,430 Alright! 236 00:13:22,070 --> 00:13:23,190 "It was summer." 237 00:13:25,749 --> 00:13:26,790 "And it was hot!" 238 00:13:28,109 --> 00:13:29,469 "Rachel was there." 239 00:13:32,749 --> 00:13:34,270 "A lonely gray couch!" 240 00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:38,390 "Oh, look, cried Ned!" 241 00:13:40,229 --> 00:13:42,989 "And then the kingdom was his forever. The end." 242 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,349 That's it? That's all you wrote? 243 00:13:47,430 --> 00:13:49,749 You're the worst writer in the whole world! 244 00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:52,030 Alright, you know what? This isn't funny anymore. 245 00:13:52,109 --> 00:13:56,270 There's something about me on that piece of paper and I want to see it. 246 00:13:56,349 --> 00:13:57,390 No, you don't. 247 00:13:59,629 --> 00:14:00,829 Alright, you know what? Fine. 248 00:14:00,910 --> 00:14:03,270 If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. 249 00:14:03,349 --> 00:14:04,589 I do not need to see it! 250 00:14:04,950 --> 00:14:06,469 Go, go, go! 251 00:14:11,790 --> 00:14:12,869 What is this? 252 00:14:12,950 --> 00:14:14,910 - That is… - That's, that's… 253 00:14:15,790 --> 00:14:17,030 - Ross, what is this? - Thank you. 254 00:14:17,109 --> 00:14:18,109 Good luck. 255 00:14:21,509 --> 00:14:24,910 Okay, just-just remember how crazy I am about you, okay? 256 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,390 "Kind of ditzy?" 257 00:14:26,910 --> 00:14:28,310 "Too into her looks?" 258 00:14:29,509 --> 00:14:31,670 - "Spoiled?" - Now, that's, "A little spoiled." 259 00:14:31,749 --> 00:14:34,030 He was supposed to type, little, the idiot. 260 00:14:35,629 --> 00:14:37,070 "Just a waitress?" 261 00:14:38,589 --> 00:14:40,349 Now, that, that was, uh… 262 00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:42,589 I mean, as opposed to, uh… 263 00:14:43,109 --> 00:14:45,709 …the, uh… okay, is-is this over yet? 264 00:14:46,030 --> 00:14:50,109 - Rach? - I do not have chubby ankles! 265 00:14:50,749 --> 00:14:52,589 No, I, no, no, Rach! 266 00:14:52,670 --> 00:14:55,950 Okay-okay, look at the other side. Look at Julie's column. 267 00:14:56,030 --> 00:14:57,349 "She's not rachem?" 268 00:14:58,229 --> 00:15:00,229 - No. - What the hell's a rachem? 269 00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:03,109 Is that some stupid paleontology word that I wouldn't know 270 00:15:03,190 --> 00:15:04,629 because I'm just a waitress? 271 00:15:05,310 --> 00:15:06,829 Rach, come on! Rach… 272 00:15:06,910 --> 00:15:08,910 Rach! Rach! No, no, no! 273 00:15:08,989 --> 00:15:10,790 It's, "She's not Rachel!" 274 00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,430 She's… she's not… 275 00:15:13,790 --> 00:15:15,589 Ra… Rachel? 276 00:15:20,190 --> 00:15:22,310 My diary, my diary, that's brilliant! 277 00:15:22,390 --> 00:15:23,670 I should have told her it was my diary! 278 00:15:23,749 --> 00:15:25,550 She never would have made me read her my diary! 279 00:15:25,629 --> 00:15:27,270 No, that's true, you know, you'd be a great person 280 00:15:27,349 --> 00:15:29,790 to have around the day after an emergency. 281 00:15:31,469 --> 00:15:33,950 I-I cannot believe Ross even made this list. 282 00:15:34,030 --> 00:15:35,430 - I know. - What a dinkus! 283 00:15:37,430 --> 00:15:40,310 Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea. 284 00:15:40,950 --> 00:15:42,070 - What? - What? 285 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,550 Oh, good, I was hoping that would come up. 286 00:15:45,950 --> 00:15:47,270 - This was your idea? - What were you thinking? 287 00:15:47,349 --> 00:15:49,670 Alright, let-let's get some perspective here, okay? 288 00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,790 These things, they happen for a reason. 289 00:15:51,869 --> 00:15:53,030 Yeah! You! 290 00:15:54,709 --> 00:15:56,229 Alright, Pheebs, back me up here, okay? 291 00:15:56,310 --> 00:15:58,589 You believe in that karma crap, don't you? 292 00:15:58,989 --> 00:16:02,989 Yeah, listen, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle. 293 00:16:19,989 --> 00:16:21,070 Rach! 294 00:16:22,550 --> 00:16:25,829 Rach! Hey! Open up! Please? 295 00:16:26,229 --> 00:16:29,910 When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means, "Go away." 296 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,229 That doesn't mean, "Please climb up the fire escape!" 297 00:16:32,310 --> 00:16:35,390 I just want to read you something, it's your pro list. 298 00:16:35,469 --> 00:16:36,989 Not interested! 299 00:16:37,070 --> 00:16:40,829 Okay, okay, "Number one, the way you cry at game shows." 300 00:16:42,190 --> 00:16:45,190 "Number two, how much you love your friends!" 301 00:16:45,709 --> 00:16:49,629 "Number three, the way you play with your hair when you're nervous!" 302 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:53,270 "Number four, how brave you are for starting your life over!" 303 00:16:53,709 --> 00:16:56,430 "Number five, how great you are with Ben!" 304 00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:58,950 "Number six, the way you smell!" 305 00:17:01,430 --> 00:17:03,070 Hey, Ross. What are you doing? 306 00:17:03,150 --> 00:17:04,749 Hey, Joey, you want to open the window? 307 00:17:04,829 --> 00:17:05,829 Oh, yeah. 308 00:17:07,390 --> 00:17:09,790 - What are you doing out there? - I… I'm… 309 00:17:09,869 --> 00:17:12,150 Oh, my gosh, you must be freezing! You know what you need, 310 00:17:12,229 --> 00:17:14,709 how about a nice steaming cup of hot Mockolate? 311 00:17:19,349 --> 00:17:20,670 Rach, come on. Open up. 312 00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:24,550 Rach, come on. You-you got to give me another chance. 313 00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:26,310 No! 314 00:17:26,829 --> 00:17:28,430 - No? - That's what I said. 315 00:17:29,030 --> 00:17:30,030 Look, maybe we should go. 316 00:17:30,109 --> 00:17:31,550 No. You guys, you really don't have to go. 317 00:17:31,629 --> 00:17:33,270 - We're done talking. - Rach, come on, look. 318 00:17:33,349 --> 00:17:35,910 - I know how you must… - No! You don't, Ross. 319 00:17:36,509 --> 00:17:40,310 Imagine… the worst things you'd think about yourself. 320 00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:42,629 Now, how would you feel, if the one person 321 00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:44,670 that you trusted the most in the world 322 00:17:44,749 --> 00:17:46,390 not only thinks them too 323 00:17:46,469 --> 00:17:50,309 but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you. 324 00:17:50,390 --> 00:17:53,069 No, but, but… see, I wanna be with you 325 00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:54,870 in spite of all those things. 326 00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:58,190 Oh! Well, that's-that's mighty big of you, Ross. 327 00:17:58,269 --> 00:17:59,269 I said, don't go! 328 00:18:02,910 --> 00:18:04,590 You know what? You know what? 329 00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:07,390 If… if things were the other way around, 330 00:18:07,469 --> 00:18:09,029 there was nothing you could put on a list 331 00:18:09,110 --> 00:18:12,229 that would, that would ever make me not want to be with you. 332 00:18:12,309 --> 00:18:15,670 Well… then I guess that's the difference between us. 333 00:18:15,749 --> 00:18:17,269 See, I'd never make a list. 334 00:18:33,229 --> 00:18:35,469 I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of situation 335 00:18:35,549 --> 00:18:37,630 before you can talk again, you know? 336 00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:41,229 Maybe a little longer. 337 00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,110 Now, in some of these recipes 338 00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:49,309 the quantities may seem just a little unusual. 339 00:18:49,390 --> 00:18:52,350 Uh, like these coconut-Mockolate holiday nut bars? 340 00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:55,269 I've indicated four cups of coconut and four cups of crushed nut 341 00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:57,870 and only, uh, one tablespoon of Mockolate. 342 00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:01,309 - Doesn't matter. - What? 343 00:19:02,269 --> 00:19:04,549 Our FDA approval didn't come through. 344 00:19:04,989 --> 00:19:07,029 Something about laboratory rats. 345 00:19:08,789 --> 00:19:11,069 - Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. - Yeah… 346 00:19:11,469 --> 00:19:13,789 Hell, anywho, here's your check and… 347 00:19:14,469 --> 00:19:17,110 …thank you for all the trouble you went through. 348 00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,630 Uh, listen, you didn't, uh, eat a lot of it 349 00:19:19,709 --> 00:19:21,190 while you were cooking, did you? 350 00:19:21,269 --> 00:19:23,469 - Well, uh, I ate some. - Oh, some, that's fine. 351 00:19:23,549 --> 00:19:25,229 Some is fine, some is not a lot. 352 00:19:26,789 --> 00:19:29,509 So it-it doesn't burn when you pee, does it? 353 00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:43,190 Hello? 354 00:19:43,590 --> 00:19:44,590 Hi. 355 00:19:46,789 --> 00:19:49,309 Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone 356 00:19:49,390 --> 00:19:51,390 but my ankles are weighing me down. 357 00:19:54,509 --> 00:19:56,590 Listen, I-I don't think this is the best time. 358 00:19:56,670 --> 00:19:59,469 Look, can… can you do something for me? 359 00:19:59,549 --> 00:20:00,590 Sure. What? 360 00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:03,549 Okay. 361 00:20:04,910 --> 00:20:05,989 Alright. 362 00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:11,390 - Music? - Sure. 363 00:20:18,830 --> 00:20:21,469 The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. 364 00:20:21,870 --> 00:20:24,709 Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did 365 00:20:24,789 --> 00:20:27,789 and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. 366 00:20:58,150 --> 00:21:02,190 We've just gotten a call from Rachel and she told us what Ross did. 367 00:21:02,989 --> 00:21:04,509 It's pretty appalling, 368 00:21:04,590 --> 00:21:08,549 and, Ross, if you're listening I don't wanna play your song anymore. 369 00:21:14,110 --> 00:21:16,950 Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? 370 00:21:17,029 --> 00:21:19,069 Avery, Michelle is sorry she hit you with her car 371 00:21:19,150 --> 00:21:21,069 and she hopes you two will work it out. 372 00:21:54,749 --> 00:21:56,670 Hi. Thanks for coming in again. 373 00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:59,789 Oh, not at all. I have no morals, and I need the cash. 374 00:21:59,870 --> 00:22:01,709 It's like I'm looking in a mirror. 375 00:22:02,870 --> 00:22:05,670 Anyway, they're called Fishtachios. 376 00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:09,069 Now, they taste exactly like pistachios, 377 00:22:09,150 --> 00:22:12,870 but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits. 378 00:22:12,950 --> 00:22:16,190 - Here. Try one. - Alright. 379 00:22:16,269 --> 00:22:18,469 Oh, you're not allergic to anything, are you? 380 00:22:18,549 --> 00:22:20,309 - Cat hair. - Oh. Sorry.