Alright, no peeking. No peeking.
No peeking!
Alright, but you'd better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.
Alright. Open your eyes.
Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
"Days of Our Lives" picked up my option.
- Congratulations! - I know.
Now we can finally watch "Green Acres"
the way it was meant to be seen.
So… which one is mine?
Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want.
Not that one.
Yes.
Yeah, that's the stuff.
- Do we dare? - We dare.
I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice
so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
They were chair-shaped cows.
They never would have survived in the wild.
This screen is amazing.
Dick Van Dyke is practically life-size.
Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller screen, doesn't she?
- Hi, you guys. - Hey.
- Hey, you. - Hey, you.
- So, how was your day? - You know, pretty much the usual.
Sun shining, birds chirping.
- Really? Mine too. - Hey, cool, mine too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got to get to the museum. So, I'll see you tonight?
Okay.
- Bye, guys. - Bye.
Tonight?
- What's tonight? - It is our first official date.
Our first date.
Hello?
Hi.
Tonight? You're supposed to waitress for me. My catering thing.
Any of those words trigger anything for you?
God, Monica, I forgot.
- This is our first date. - Yes.
- But my mom got me this job. - I can be a waitress!
Thank you, thank you.
- See? Phoebe? Phoebe. - Really, Pheebs?
You'd have to be an actual waitress.
This can't be like your "I can be a bear cub" thing.
I can be a waitress. Okay, watch this.
Give me two number ones, 86 the bacon,
one Adam and Eve on a raft and wreck 'em.
It's James Bond.
- Sorry we're late. - That's okay. Come on in.
I'm sorry, is Monica Geller coming?
- I was told she was. - Dr. Burke, it's me.
Monica?
My God! You used to be so…
I mean you… You must have lost like…
You look great.
Thanks. Thank you. This is my friend Phoebe.
- She's going to be helping me. - Hi, Phoebe. Nice to meet you.
- So how've you been? - Just great. How've you been?
Obviously, you know Barbara and I split up.
Otherwise, you wouldn't have done the head tilt.
- The head tilt? - Yeah.
Since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am,
it's always with a sympathetic head tilt.
"How you doing? You okay?"
- I'm sorry. - No, no.
It's fine. Believe me. I do it too.
I always answer with the "I'm okay" head bob.
"I'm okay."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Listen, I got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer.
Of course the divorce only left me with four CDs to change.
That's too bad.
I'll survive.
Ford, to the reverse.
Two larges. Extra cheese on both.
But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19.
Ring 20, Geller-Green.
They'll let you in, okay?
If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you.
Okay, thanks.
Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
What if we have to pee?
I'll cancel the sodas.
You've got to get back out there. It's your party.
But they're so dull. They're all ophthalmologists.
You're an ophthalmologist.
Only because my parents wanted me to be.
I wanted to be a sheriff.
That's funny. Cadillac, cataract. I get it. No, I get it.
You stay out there!
- You see? - Alright. I'll tell you what.
I'll come get you in five minutes with some sort of kebab emergency.
Okay. You better.
God, here we go. Hey, want to see them go nuts?
Watch this.
Who needs glasses?
You are so smitten.
I am not.
You are so much the smitten kitten.
- You should ask him out. - Dr. Burke?
I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grownup.
So? You two are totally into each other.
Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents.
He's like 20 years older than me.
So what? You're just never going to see him again?
Not never. I mean…
I'm going to see him tomorrow at my eye appointment.
Didn't you, like, just get your eyes checked?
Well, yeah, but, you know, twenty seven is a…
…dangerous eye age.
Come on, I'm not saying it was a bad movie.
I'm just saying, you know, it was a little hard to follow.
I told you there were going to be subtitles.
I know. I just didn't want to wear my glasses on our first date.
Monica?
It would really help when I'm kissing you
if you didn't shout out my sister's name.
Honey, I'm just checking.
- Monica? - Mon?
Monica?
What?
- What? - I'm sorry.
God, I'm sorry.
It's just that when you moved your hands down to my butt,
it was like: "Whoa, Ross' hands are on my butt."
- Sorry. - And that's funny why?
Well, it's not. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just nervous.
I mean, it's you.
You know, it's us.
I mean, we're crossing that line. It's sort of a big thing.
Well, I know it's big. I just didn't know it was ha-ha big.
Okay.
My hands were nowhere near your butt.
I know, I know, I know.
I was just thinking about when they were there. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, I promise, I'm good.
I'm not going to laugh anymore. Put your hands back on.
No, see, now I can't because I'm feeling too self-conscious.
- Just one cheek. - No. The moment's gone.
Put your hands out, and I'll back up into them.
That's romantic.
- Come on, touch it. - No.
- Come on, squeeze it. - No.
- Rub it? - No.
Would you just grab my ass?
Wow, look at that. The car is on fire,
yet somehow, its expensive paint job
is protected by the miracle wax.
You got a Cheeto on your face, man.
Thanks.
- Hey. - Hey.
What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be out with Rachel?
That was 14 hours ago.
So how'd it go?
Listen, have you ever been fooling around with a girl
and she started laughing?
Yeah. But it was 1982
and my Flock of Seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.
- She laughed at you? - Yeah.
I don't know, I've been wanting this since ninth grade typing, you know?
I just want it to be perfect and right and…
Why isn't that laser beam cutting through the paint?
- It's the miracle wax. - It certainly is a miracle.
- Hi, you guys. - Hey.
- Hi.
Listen. I was thinking about…
Can you guys, speak up?
It's harder for us to hear you when you lower your voice.
Okay, listen.
I'm sorry about last night. I really want to make it up to you.
No. You know, there's no need to make it… How?
Well, I was thinking maybe a romantic dinner
with candles and wine
and then maybe going back to my place for…
…dessert.
That sounds… I don't know, perfect.
What's this?
Can you get us a couple of beers?
I'm going to look into your eyes now.
Really?
Yeah. That's my job.
Alright. Look up.
Look down.
Now open your eyes, and look down.
That's right. Look into the light.
Now look at me.
Okay.
Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes.
Good. They feel good.
In my head.
So, it was great to see you.
You too.
Okay. Goodbye.
- Drops. - What?
Drops. Here. They're free.
Thanks.
So I guess I'd better be going.
Okay. Yeah. I'll see you later.
Thanks again.
We have got to get you lazy boys out of these chairs.
You should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
No. Inside good.
Outside bad.
You guys are so pathetic. "Xanadu"!
She's one of us now.
- Hi, you guys. - Hey.
We just wanted to stop by and say goodnight.
Goodnight.
Look at that. They won't even turn their heads.
Alright, you guys, I'm taking off my shirt.
Nah, she's lying.
Stop sending food to our apartment.
Mon, why are you all dressed up?
You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
What? You have a date? Who with?
- No one. - Come on, what's his name?
Nothing.
- Come on, tell me. - Alright.
But I'm very excited about this, okay?
So you got to promise you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental.
I promise. What?
- It's Richard Burke. - Who's Richard Burke?
Dr. Burke?
You have a date with Dr. Burke?
Why? Why should that bother me?
I love that man. He's like a brother to dad.
Well, for your information, he happens to be
one of the most sophisticated sexiest men I've ever been with.
- Dr. Burke is sexy? - God. Absolutely.
Damn. It's the museum again, can I…
You know, Dr. Burke kissed me once.
- When? - When I was seven.
I crashed my bike right out in front of his house
and to stop me from crying, he kissed me right here.
- You are so lucky. - I know.
Australopithecus isn't supposed to be in that display.
No. No. Homo habilis was erect.
Australopithecus was never fully erect.
Well, maybe he was nervous.
Look! I can't believe this.
Homo habilis hasn't even learned how to use tools yet
and they've got him here with clay pots?
Why don't they just give him a microwave?
I'm sorry this is taking so long.
You know, it's longer than I expected.
- We will have dinner, okay? - It's fine.
Karl!
God…
- Is that Michelle? - Yep.
I've not seen her since high school graduation.
My God, that night she got so drun…
…emotional.
She's having another baby.
- I thought she just had one. - No, no. Henry's almost two.
And he's talking and everything. Here.
You know, the other day he told me he liked me better
than his other grandpa.
Now, in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still.
You're a grandpa?
Yeah.
Are we nuts here?
I don't know. Maybe.
I mean, I'm dating a man whose pool I once peed in.
I didn't need to know that.
I guess 21 years is a lot.
I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
Yeah…
So…
- So maybe we should just… - Yeah.
Yeah, maybe.
- This really sucks. - Yeah. It sure does.
We don't really have to decide anything right now, do we?
No, there's rush or anything.
- Pizza delivery! - I'm going to kill those guys.
Rach?
I'm done.
Yeah, well, you know what? So is, Sorrentino's.
Okay. I'm sorry. Why don't we find someplace else?
No, you know what? It's late. Everything's gonna be closed.
- Why don't we do it another night? - No. No, we won't.
We won't?
Come on.
That's dead, right?
What is this? What are we doing?
Do you want Cran-Apple or Cran-Grape?
Grape.
Okay, now sit.
Okay.
Oh my God.
Billions of years ago the Earth was born…
- Sorry. - It's okay.
So what are we looking at?
Well, you see that little cluster of stars next to the big one?
That is Ursa Major.
- Really? - No idea.
Could be, could be.
Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.
That's okay. You were worth the wait.
And I don't just mean tonight.
You're not laughing.
This time it's not so funny.
Loosen the knot.
God!
Honey… That's okay.
What?
No. You just rolled over the juice box.
Thank God.
Hey.
Hey, you.
I can't believe I'm waking up next to you.
I know, it is pretty unbelievable.
- What? - We're not alone.
Is that the fire alarm?
Yeah.
It's not warm yet. We still have time.
- Cool. - Yeah, yeah, cool.