Hey. What you guys doing?
Monica's making us watch "Old Yeller".
So why are you guys so upset? It's "Old Yeller", a happy movie.
- What? - What are you talking about?
Come on. Happy family gets a dog.
Frontier fun.
Yeah, but, Pheebs, what about the end?
When Yeller saves the family from the wolf
and everyone's happy?
- That's not the end. - Yuh-huh.
That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say "the end".
What about the part where he has rabies?
He doesn't have rabies. He has babies.
That's what my mom said.
Phoebe, I don't think your mom would want you to see
what's about to happen.
Why? What's about to happen? I've never seen this part before.
Hey, Travis, whatcha doing with that gun?
Oh, no! No, Travis, put down the gun.
No, he's your buddy. He's your Yeller. No.
No, no. The end!
Okay, what kind of a sick doggie snuff film is this?
Hey, have you guys eaten?
Because Richard and I just finished and we've got leftovers.
Chicken and potatoes.
What am I wearing?
Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.
One of these times, you're gonna really be naked
and we're not gonna come over.
I've got a leg, three breasts and a wing.
Well, how do you find clothes that fit?
Hey, Monica, we got a question.
Alright, for the zillionth time
yes, I see other women in the shower at the gym and, no, I don't look.
Not that one. We're trying to figure out
who to bring to the Knicks game tonight. We have an extra ticket.
Ross can't go. So it's between my friend Eric Prower,
who has breath issues, and Dan, with the poking.
"Did you see that play?"
"Do you want some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?"
Okay.
Hey, why don't you ask Richard?
Okay. Hey, Richard.
If you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game
and you had to choose between a friend who smelled
and one who bruises you, who would you pick?
Well, being a huge Knicks fan myself
I think you should take someone who's a huge Knicks fan.
Okay.
That's Eric.
Glad to be of help. Matches.
I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game?
What?
- I don't know… - Come on.
He keeps his fingers to himself and he's always minty fresh.
Richard's really nice and everything.
It's just that we don't know him really well,
and plus, he's, you know, old.
Older than some people. But younger than some buildings.
So he's a little older. Big deal. I mean, he's important to me.
You know, if you ask him, he might take you in his Jag.
How do we say yes now
and make it seem like we're not doing it just to ride in the cool car?
Okay, this could be tough.
Okay. Monica, we'll bring him
but only if he takes the Jaguar.
You almost had it.
No, no. You're fine.
- Hello. - Hi.
Hi, honey.
You guys are not gonna believe what happened.
- What? - We were playing on the floor.
And he grabs the table and he pulls himself up.
He pulled himself up.
Standing man.
I'm sorry you guys missed it but I did tape it,
so if you guys want to see it…
We know. He already did it last week.
You can watch our tape if you want.
See? I can't believe this.
I missed the first time of everything.
I missed the first time he rolled over,
the first time he crawled. What else did I miss?
Has he spoken yet? Is he driving? Does he have a favorite liqueur?
Actually, he's getting closer on the talking thing.
He can't quite say "Mama" yet, but once he said "Yemen".
See… I'm so sick of missing stuff.
I want him for more than a day. I want him for a whole weekend.
- No, listen, I feel like… - That will be great.
Really? I had a whole speech prepared.
Shoot. That would have been fun.
Look, did you just see that?
He just waved! He's never waved before!
You've never waved before! Yes, he has. Very good.
- Hey. - Hey, Pheebs. What you got there?
"Love Story", "Brian's Song" and "Terms Of Endearment".
All you need now is "The Killing Fields"
and some guacamole and you got yourself a par-tay.
I talked to my grandma about the "Old Yeller "incident
and she told me that my mom used to not show us the ends of sad movies
to shield us from the pain and sadness.
You know, before she killed herself.
- Hey. - Hey.
Where is he? Where's Richard? Did you ditch him?
Right after we stole his lunch money and gave him a wedgie.
What's the matter with you? He's parking the car.
- So did you guys have fun? - Your boyfriend is so cool.
- Really? - Yeah, he let us drive his Jaguar.
Joey for 12 blocks, me for 15.
He must like you the best.
What about that thing he did when he tipped the guy
who showed us to our seats?
You never even saw the money. It was like this.
Hey, Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats.
You're welcome. Hey, Joey, thanks for parking the car.
No problem.
- Hey, Chandler… - I think they get it.
- There's the man! - Hey!
Hey, you're getting better. I'm gonna keep this, by the way.
He kept my dollar.
Your first whole weekend without Ben. What are you gonna do?
We're going down to Colonial Williamsburg.
A woman I went to college with just became
the first female blacksmith down there.
They're a little behind the times in Colonial Williamsburg.
I better go before mommy starts weeping.
- Bye, mommy. - We love you.
- Bye. - Have a good time.
- Okay, Ben. - Ross?
- Yeah? - Look.
Joey, do you know we can see you from here?
How come Richard looks so much cooler with one of these than me?
For starters, you may wanna light it and lose the spatula.
I think it's cute. You trying to be more like Richard.
Not like him per se, just not unlike him.
Look, it's the artist formally known as Chandler.
I'm just trying something here, you know?
So, Joey, why didn't you grow a moustache?
We flipped for it.
I got the cigar, he got the moustache.
We figured if we both grew 'em we'd look like dorks.
Yeah, you really side-stepped that land mine.
Listen, we got to go. I promised Richard we'd meet him downstairs.
- You're meeting Richard? - We're going to a Ranger game.
Didn't he tell you?
He told me he was going out with the guys.
I just didn't know that you were the guys.
You hear that? We're "the guys"!
With that moustache, doesn't Chandler remind you of Aunt Sylvia?
Thank you!
- Hi. We're visiting. - Yay!
It's Ben and his da-da.
Da-da. Can you say "da-da"?
I'm gonna tell your mommies you said it,
so you might as well try.
- No luck? - No.
A while ago, I got a "seh" out of him,
which I thought, you know might turn into "Seh-condary caregiver", but…
Would you hold him for a sec? 'Cause I got to take this off.
- Yeah. Sure. - There.
- What are you doing? - I'm holding Ben.
Yeah, well, he's a baby, not a bomb.
Okay.
Just hold him like you'd hold a football.
This is how I would hold a football.
Okay, here. There we go.
I'm sorry. I'm just not very good with babies.
I haven't been around them.
I mean, you know, since I was one.
That's alright. It's no big deal.
- Really? - Definitely.
I'm sure you'll feel totally different when it's our baby.
- What? - What?
You think about stuff like that?
Yeah.
I mean, actually, I kind of think that we'll have two babies.
Two babies?
Yeah. You know, a boy and a girl.
Hopefully, the girl will come first,
so Ben here won't feel too competitive.
Then what's gonna happen?
Well, we won't want to raise kids in the city
so we'll probably move to Scarsdale.
That way, I figured we'll be far enough away from our parents
that we don't have to see them all the time,
but close enough that they can come over and baby-sit whenever we want.
I know, the taxes are a little higher than, let's say, Nassau County,
but the school system's supposedly great.
That's great. Great.
Okay, wow, you know what? I'm off my break now,
so here, you take this
and I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee.
Look at that. I don't have a pot.
I don't have a pot. Well, maybe I've got one at home or in Scarsdale.
- Is that a door? - Rach?
- Hey. - Hey, Pheebs, what's happening?
Okay, murder, cancer
soccer teams eating each other in the Andes.
- So, you watched the movies? - What is happening to the world?
I mean, ET Leaves and Rocky loses.
- Charlotte dies. - Charlotte who?
With the web. The spider. She dies. She has babies and dies.
It's like, you know, "hey, welcome home from the hospital". Thud.
- Alright, you wanna feel better? - Yeah.
Here. Watch this.
"It's A Wonderful Life". Yes, I've heard of this.
So you can't lose. It's there in the title.
The wonderfulness is baked right in.
Please, I almost fell for that with "Pride Of The Yankees".
I thought I was gonna see a film about Yankee pride
and then, boom, the guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.
The guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kind of see it coming?
Just watch that, I promise you it'll restore all your faith in humanity.
- Hey, big guy, game time. - Hey, be right there.
- There's a game? - Yeah.
I just got my pick-up sticks back from the shop.
Bring your nerves of steel.
It's the basketball play-offs.
Listen, honey, I appreciate this,
but you don't have to keep hanging out with them for me.
- They have each other. - No, honey, Don't worry.
I like hanging out with those guys. It's fun for me.
They're different than my other friends. They don't start sentences
"You know who just died shoveling snow?"
Alright, that's great. Then just go.
- Go Knicks! - It's the college play-offs.
Then go Vassar!
They're not in it.
- Okay, then just go. - Okay.
Why does this bother me so much?
I don't wanna be one of those people who tells their boyfriend
they want to spend 24 hours a day with them.
It's just that he doesn't have that much free time.
- What do I do? - Does it matter?
You're ultimately just gonna die or get divorced
or have to blow your pet's head off.
- Me too. - Rachel, I got a question.
Richard made plans again with the guys.
Yeah, well, Ross just made plans for the whole century.
I'm gonna go to my room and read "Cosmo".
Maybe there's something helpful in there.
If not, maybe I can learn how to do an at-home bikini wax
with leftover Christmas candles.
Okay. What the hell happened back there?
I don't know. You tell me.
One minute, I'm holding Ben like a football.
The next thing I know I've got two kids,
I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes.
Well, I'm sorry. I think about stuff.
You're at work, you're assembling bones, your mind wanders.
You have planned out the next 20 years of our lives.
We've been dating for six weeks.
What, you never think about our future?
Yes, I think about whose apartment we're gonna sleep at tomorrow night
and where we're gonna have dinner next Saturday night.
I do not think about what our children's names are gonna be.
You know what our children's names are gonna be?
No. I mean, I read a book and there was a girl named Emily
and I thought that might be good.
What was the book?
"The Big Book of Children's Names".
Okay, Ross, listen.
- What we have is amazing. - Yeah.
But I do not want to have everything decided for me.
I spent my whole life like that.
That's what I had with Barry. That was one of the reasons I left.
I like not knowing right now. And I'm sorry if that scares you
but if you wanna be with me, you are gonna have to deal with that.
- Okay, fine. - Thank you.
- We're not done. - I didn't know that.
Then you're gonna have to understand that you're with a guy
who's not gonna stop planning his future with you
because he knows we're gonna end up together
and if that scares you, tough. Deal with it.
- Fine. I will. - Good.
- 'Cause I love you. - Yeah?
- Yeah. - Well, I love you too.
That's the first time we've said that.
- Yes, it is. - I'm gonna kiss you.
Well, you better.
- Hey. - Hey.
Thanks for the great movie tip.
- Yeah, did you like it? - Yeah.
I don't know if I was happier when George Bailey destroyed
the family business or Donna Reed cried
or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.
I'll give you the ear thing, but wasn't the ending pretty wonderful?
I didn't watch the ending. I was too depressed.
It just kept getting worse and worse.
It should have been called "It's a sucky life:"
"Just when you think it can't suck any more, it does".
Kick save and denied.
But he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up
and bam, yes!
Could that shot be any prettier?
- Man, you are incredible. - Well, we had a table in college.
Really? I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800s.
Nice mustache, by the way.
When puberty hits, that thing's really gonna kick in.
Honey, not to sound too Florence Henderson,
but dinner's on the table.
Just one more point.
Score.
Now can we go?
See, that's why we don't let her play.
Is everything alright?
Hey, listen. Don't be mad at him.
It's our fault, I'm sorry we've been hogging so much of his time.
Yeah, he's just really great to hang out with.
- Well… - No, no seriously.
Chandler and I were just talking about this.
He is so much cooler than our dads.
I mean, you know, our dads are okay and all,
but Richard is just… What are you kicking me for?
I'm trying to talk here.
You guys see me as a dad?
- Yeah. - No.
No.
You're just clearly not familiar with our young person's vernacular.
See, when we say "Dad", we mean "buddy".
- We mean "pal". - Yeah.
No, seriously, Joey's my dad.
Monica's my dad.
I've even got some dads down at work.
That's fine.
Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening
and I guess I'll just see you kids around.
- Nighty-night. - You're not a dad.
I can't believe you got us into trouble.
- So, are you okay? - Yeah.
It's just, I feel like I'm about a hundred.
I thought I was just one of the guys.
Come here. I'll make you feel like one of the guys.
You know, for a really cool guy, you suck at foosball.
What are you talking about? I was killing them.
Yeah, well, they suck too.
And then you take the poopy diaper
and you put it in the poopy diaper pail.
Okay, Ross, just so you know calling it a "poopy diaper"
doesn't make this process any cuter.
- Hello. - It's us.
Come on up. I'm gonna get the rest of his stuff together.
Okay, we can do this now, can't we, Ben?
Yes, we can.
There. I did it.
I did it.
Look at that!
It stays on and everything.
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm sorry. What did you just say?
Did you just say "hi"? Oh my God.
Ross, Ben just said "hi".
- What? - Ben just said "hi".
- What, the word "hi"? - Yeah, no, my Uncle Hy.
Great. And I missed that too.
- I miss everything. - I'm sorry.
I guess I just bring it out in him.
Hello. Where is he? We missed you so much.
- Come here, Ben. - Hi.
Guess what. Ben just said his first word.
- What did he say? - Something about "hi".
- That's so exciting. - Mommy's so proud of you.
Hi.
You know, actually, it's more like "hi".
- Hi. - Hi.
Okay, this could go on for a while.
- We got a cab waiting downstairs. - Well, this was fun.
We should really do it again sometime, Ben. What do you say?
- Okay. So I've got him… - Tuesday.
- Okay, bye, you guys. - See you.
- Take care. - Bye, Ben.
Bye.
Did he just say "bye"?
He said "bye" to me! You said… He said "bye" to me!
Yes, he did.
Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.
We got to go. We got that cab downstairs.
- Alright, alright. - See you later.
- Bye. - Bye.
- Bye! - Bye.
Bye!
Look at this nice deep hole I've been digging.
Hey, Bert, isn't this a nice hole here?
Okay, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert
in the sand and can't find him.
Now, I've looked ahead on the tape
and he does find him again.
But, okay, before that happens
there's some pretty rough going for a while.
But I think we can handle it.
And there's just the alphabet, but we know that ends well, so…
Okay, here we go.
Bert?
Hey, what happened to my friend Bert?
He was here just a moment ago.
My old friend, Bert, is lost.
I'm so glad you're here.
Bye, Phoebe.