1 00:00:00,391 --> 00:00:01,768 SO I TOLD CARL 2 00:00:01,851 --> 00:00:03,020 NOBODY, NO MATTER HOW FAMOUS 3 00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:04,437 THEIR PARENTS ARE 4 00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:06,606 NOBODY'S ALLOWED TO CLIMB ON THE DINOSAUR. 5 00:00:06,689 --> 00:00:08,358 BUT OF COURSE… 6 00:00:08,441 --> 00:00:11,194 I LOVE HOW HE CARES SO MUCH ABOUT STUFF. 7 00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:14,614 IF I SQUINT, I CAN PRETEND HE'S ALAN ALDA. 8 00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:19,911 OH, GOOD. ANOTHER DINOSAUR STORY. 9 00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:24,624 WHEN ARE T GOING TO BECOME EXTINCT? 10 00:00:27,543 --> 00:00:31,130 IF I WAS A SUPERHERO WHO COULD FLY AND BE INVISIBLE 11 00:00:31,213 --> 00:00:33,382 THAT WOULD BE THE BEST. 12 00:00:38,054 --> 00:00:40,723 WHAT DOES RACHEL SEE IN THIS GUY? 13 00:00:42,725 --> 00:00:44,310 I LOVE RACHEL. 14 00:00:47,063 --> 00:00:49,189 I WISH SHE WAS MY WIFE. 15 00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:03,163 WHO'S SINGING? 16 00:01:54,296 --> 00:01:55,882 HEY, WHEN YOU GUYS WERE KIDS 17 00:01:55,965 --> 00:01:59,094 AND YOU PLAYED HAPPY DAYS, WHO WERE YOU? 18 00:01:59,177 --> 00:01:59,928 I WAS ALWAYS RICHIE. 19 00:02:00,011 --> 00:02:01,888 I WAS ALWAYS JOANIE. 20 00:02:01,971 --> 00:02:03,222 QUESTION. 21 00:02:03,305 --> 00:02:04,557 WAS "EGG THE GELLERS!" 22 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,102 THE WAR CRY OF YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD? 23 00:02:07,185 --> 00:02:08,770 EW! EW! 24 00:02:08,853 --> 00:02:10,229 IT'S THE MATTRESS KING. 25 00:02:10,312 --> 00:02:12,398 DON'T LOOK, HONEY. CHANGE THE CHANNEL. 26 00:02:12,481 --> 00:02:14,109 I WANT TO SEE THIS. 27 00:02:14,192 --> 00:02:16,569 AFTER I DIVORCE HIM, HALF OF THAT KINGDOM 28 00:02:16,652 --> 00:02:18,030 WILL BE MINE. 29 00:02:18,113 --> 00:02:21,033 Despair fills the mattress showroom. 30 00:02:21,116 --> 00:02:23,618 My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. 31 00:02:23,701 --> 00:02:26,913 I'm so depressed, I'm going to slash… 32 00:02:26,996 --> 00:02:28,206 my prices! 33 00:02:28,289 --> 00:02:30,167 Check it out! 34 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:32,127 $599 for a Comfort King! 35 00:02:32,210 --> 00:02:34,420 $499 for a pillow top queen set! 36 00:02:34,503 --> 00:02:36,882 I'm going Medieval on prices! 37 00:02:36,965 --> 00:02:38,591 WHAT A WANK. 38 00:02:38,674 --> 00:02:41,427 OH, I CANNOT BELIEVE HE'S USING OUR DIVORCE 39 00:02:41,510 --> 00:02:43,138 TO SELL MATTRESSES. 40 00:02:43,221 --> 00:02:45,557 I KNOW. AT $499 FOR A PILLOW TOP QUEEN SET 41 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,142 WHO CARES ABOUT THE DIVORCE? 42 00:02:47,225 --> 00:02:49,102 THOSE BABIES WILL SELL THEMSELVES. 43 00:02:49,185 --> 00:02:51,146 …always gives you a 30-day money-back guarantee… 44 00:02:51,229 --> 00:02:54,941 I'M APPALLED FOR YOU, BY THE WAY. 45 00:02:55,024 --> 00:02:56,943 You'll be glad you did. 46 00:02:57,026 --> 00:02:58,277 I'm close. I'm cheap. 47 00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,570 I'm the king. 48 00:03:02,991 --> 00:03:03,992 OKAY. OKAY, DADDY. 49 00:03:04,075 --> 00:03:05,618 WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT. 50 00:03:05,701 --> 00:03:07,411 OKAY, BYE-BYE. 51 00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:11,416 "WE"? 52 00:03:11,499 --> 00:03:14,711 …ARE, UH, HAVING DINNER WITH MY DAD TOMORROW NIGHT. 53 00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:15,962 I HOPE THAT'S OKAY. 54 00:03:16,045 --> 00:03:17,172 OH, SHOOT. 55 00:03:17,255 --> 00:03:18,631 TOMORROW'S NOT SO GOOD. 56 00:03:18,714 --> 00:03:21,426 I'M SUPPOSED TO FALL OFF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING 57 00:03:21,509 --> 00:03:23,719 AND LAND ON A BICYCLE WITH NO SEAT, SO… 58 00:03:26,264 --> 00:03:28,474 ROSS, MY FATHER DOESN'T HATE YOU. 59 00:03:28,557 --> 00:03:29,809 PLEASE. 60 00:03:29,892 --> 00:03:32,645 HE REFERS TO ME AS "WET HEAD." 61 00:03:32,728 --> 00:03:35,314 BUT, HONEY, HE CALLS EVERYBODY BY A NICKNAME. 62 00:03:35,397 --> 00:03:36,900 OKAY, LOOK, JUST ONE DINNER. 63 00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:38,443 PLEASE, ONE NIGHT FOR ME. 64 00:03:38,526 --> 00:03:41,780 I JUST WANT HIM TO LOVE YOU LIKE I DO. 65 00:03:41,863 --> 00:03:44,282 ALL RIGHT. WELL, NOT EXACTLY LIKE I DO. 66 00:03:44,365 --> 00:03:46,659 BUT, IF YOU DO COME TO DINNER 67 00:03:46,742 --> 00:03:48,327 I'D LOVE YOU LIKE I DO 68 00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:50,663 IN THAT BLACK THING THAT YOU LIKE. 69 00:03:51,747 --> 00:03:53,124 I'LL GO. 70 00:03:56,752 --> 00:03:57,796 FINE. 71 00:03:57,879 --> 00:03:59,214 THANK YOU. 72 00:04:02,758 --> 00:04:04,552 HI, GUNTHER. 73 00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:06,804 YEAH. WE'LL SEE. 74 00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:09,724 HEY, YOU GUYS. 75 00:04:09,807 --> 00:04:10,767 HEY. 76 00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,227 GUESS WHAT? 77 00:04:12,310 --> 00:04:13,937 I GOT A GIG. 78 00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,231 I CAN NEVER BE AN ACTOR. 79 00:04:16,314 --> 00:04:17,649 I CAN'T SAY "GIG." 80 00:04:17,732 --> 00:04:19,358 I CAN'T SAY "CROISSANT." 81 00:04:19,441 --> 00:04:20,943 OH, MY GOD! 82 00:04:22,444 --> 00:04:23,196 WHAT'S THE PART? 83 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:24,281 IT'S NOT A PART. 84 00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:26,825 NO. I'M TEACHING ACTING FOR SOAP OPERAS 85 00:04:26,908 --> 00:04:28,451 DOWN AT THE LEARNING EXTENSION. 86 00:04:28,534 --> 00:04:29,452 THAT'S GREAT. 87 00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:31,412 IT'S LIKE MY CHANCE 88 00:04:31,495 --> 00:04:34,624 TO GIVE SOMETHING BACK TO THE ACTING COMMUNITY. 89 00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:36,375 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP 90 00:04:36,458 --> 00:04:38,544 WITH ANY OF YOUR STUDENTS. 91 00:04:42,506 --> 00:04:44,384 I KNOW. 92 00:04:50,014 --> 00:04:50,974 I DON'T KNOW, MONICA. 93 00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:52,851 IT FEELS FUNNY JUST BEING HERE. 94 00:04:52,934 --> 00:04:55,812 I MEAN, IF YOU BUY A BED FROM JANICE'S EX-HUSBAND 95 00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:57,689 THAT'S LIKE BETRAYING CHANDLER. 96 00:04:57,772 --> 00:04:59,774 NOT AT THESE PRICES. 97 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:06,239 HI. 98 00:05:06,322 --> 00:05:10,201 IN ENGLAND, THIS CAR WOULD BE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORE. 99 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:16,249 WHOOSH! 100 00:05:17,458 --> 00:05:20,419 OHH… OHH… 101 00:05:20,502 --> 00:05:22,881 PHOEBE, COME HERE. 102 00:05:22,964 --> 00:05:25,175 OHH. THIS IS MY NEW BED. 103 00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:28,011 YOU GOT TO FEEL THIS BAD BOY. 104 00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:31,348 MONICA, IT STILL FEELS SO WEIRD, YOU KNOW. 105 00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:32,974 CHANDLER'S YOUR FRIEND. 106 00:05:34,309 --> 00:05:35,601 OH, MY GOD! 107 00:05:35,684 --> 00:05:36,644 OHH. 108 00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:38,604 ALL RIGHT, TAKE THIS BED. 109 00:05:38,687 --> 00:05:40,815 YOU CAN MAKE OTHER FRIENDS. 110 00:05:49,324 --> 00:05:51,284 GOOD EVENING. 111 00:05:51,367 --> 00:05:53,077 I AM MR. TRIBBIANI… 112 00:05:54,996 --> 00:05:57,874 AND I WILL BE TEACHING ACTING FOR SOAP OPERAS. 113 00:05:57,957 --> 00:05:59,834 NOW, UM… 114 00:05:59,917 --> 00:06:03,255 ON MY FIRST DAY AS DR. DRAKE RAMORAY 115 00:06:03,338 --> 00:06:05,589 ON DAYS OF OUR LIVES… 116 00:06:07,549 --> 00:06:11,470 UH, I LEARNED THAT ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS 117 00:06:11,553 --> 00:06:14,557 IN SOAP OPERA ACTING IS REACTING. 118 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,434 THIS DOES NOT MEAN ACTING AGAIN. 119 00:06:17,517 --> 00:06:19,436 IT MEANS YOU DON'T 120 00:06:19,519 --> 00:06:21,231 HAVE A LINE, BUT SOMEONE ELSE DID 121 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,607 AND IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS. 122 00:06:30,823 --> 00:06:31,824 THANKS. THANKS. 123 00:06:31,907 --> 00:06:33,118 THANKS A LOT. 124 00:06:33,201 --> 00:06:35,370 OH, BEFORE I FORGET, TO WORK IN SOAP OPERAS 125 00:06:35,453 --> 00:06:38,664 SOME OF YOU WILL HAVE TO BECOME MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE. 126 00:06:38,747 --> 00:06:40,375 ALL RIGHT. 127 00:06:40,458 --> 00:06:42,126 MOVING RIGHT ALONG… 128 00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:46,672 HI. 129 00:06:46,755 --> 00:06:47,840 HEY. 130 00:06:47,923 --> 00:06:49,675 OOH! HOW WAS TEACHING LAST NIGHT? 131 00:06:49,758 --> 00:06:51,719 GREAT! YOU GET TO SAY STUFF LIKE 132 00:06:51,802 --> 00:06:54,180 "HEY, THE BELL DOESN'T DISMISS YOU. 133 00:06:54,263 --> 00:06:56,473 I DISMISS YOU." 134 00:06:56,556 --> 00:06:58,184 OHH. NICE. 135 00:06:58,267 --> 00:07:00,103 OH, GUESS WHAT? 136 00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:01,854 I GOT AN AUDITION FOR ALL MY CHILDREN. 137 00:07:01,937 --> 00:07:02,855 OH, YAY! 138 00:07:02,938 --> 00:07:04,023 IT'S THIS GREAT PART. 139 00:07:04,106 --> 00:07:05,275 THIS BOXER NAMED NICK. 140 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,526 I'M SO, SO RIGHT FOR IT. 141 00:07:07,609 --> 00:07:10,196 HE'S JUST LIKE ME, EXCEPT HE'S A BOXER 142 00:07:10,279 --> 00:07:12,490 AND HE HAS AN EVIL TWIN. 143 00:07:14,116 --> 00:07:15,201 OH! 144 00:07:19,163 --> 00:07:20,498 HEAR YE, HEAR YE. 145 00:07:20,581 --> 00:07:22,791 DELIVERY FROM THE MATTRESS KING. 146 00:07:25,294 --> 00:07:26,504 YOU MISS GELLER? 147 00:07:26,587 --> 00:07:28,089 OKAY. 148 00:07:28,172 --> 00:07:29,257 SIGN HERE. 149 00:07:30,466 --> 00:07:33,345 OOH. DO I HAVE A MIDDLE NAME? 150 00:07:33,428 --> 00:07:35,721 ALL RIGHT. MONICA FALOOLA… 151 00:07:35,804 --> 00:07:37,390 GELLER. 152 00:07:37,473 --> 00:07:39,559 IT'S THAT BEDROOM THERE. 153 00:07:43,271 --> 00:07:45,273 HEY, MONICA BOUGHT A BED FROM THE MATTRESS KING? 154 00:07:45,356 --> 00:07:46,607 YEAH. SO, PLEASE, PLEASE 155 00:07:46,690 --> 00:07:48,734 PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO CHANDLER. 156 00:07:48,817 --> 00:07:50,528 YOU WANT ME TO LIE TO CHANDLER? 157 00:07:50,611 --> 00:07:51,737 IS THAT A PROBLEM? 158 00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,323 NO. 159 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,367 OH, HEY, HEY, NICK THE BOXER. 160 00:07:55,450 --> 00:07:57,076 LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT. 161 00:07:57,159 --> 00:07:58,744 PUT THEM UP, COME ON. 162 00:07:58,827 --> 00:08:00,079 HEY… 163 00:08:00,162 --> 00:08:01,247 YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD. 164 00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:02,581 I HAD TO LEARN. 165 00:08:02,664 --> 00:08:04,750 I WAS STAYING AT THE "Y." 166 00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:06,211 SOME OF THE MEN WEREN'T ACTING CHRISTIAN. 167 00:08:06,294 --> 00:08:07,836 OH. 168 00:08:10,172 --> 00:08:11,549 HEY, NOW. HEY! 169 00:08:11,632 --> 00:08:12,884 OW! 170 00:08:12,967 --> 00:08:14,260 AND I'M BLEEDING. 171 00:08:14,343 --> 00:08:15,761 OKAY, GREAT. 172 00:08:15,844 --> 00:08:18,306 WOW! AND I'M A VEGETARIAN. 173 00:08:18,389 --> 00:08:19,516 ALL RIGHT. 174 00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:20,517 WELL, I'M SORRY. 175 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,143 WE'LL PUT SOME ICE ON IT. 176 00:08:22,226 --> 00:08:23,478 PUT YOUR HEAD BACK. 177 00:08:23,561 --> 00:08:24,521 ALL RIGHT. 178 00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:25,730 I CAN'T SEE. 179 00:08:25,813 --> 00:08:26,731 I HAVE YOU. 180 00:08:26,814 --> 00:08:28,233 OH, GOD. 181 00:08:28,316 --> 00:08:31,319 Delivery man: WHICH BEDROOM DO YOU WANT IT IN? 182 00:08:31,402 --> 00:08:33,112 THE COMPULSIVELY NEAT ONE 183 00:08:33,195 --> 00:08:34,406 BY THE WINDOW, OKAY? 184 00:08:34,489 --> 00:08:35,615 GOTCHA. 185 00:08:43,038 --> 00:08:44,790 HI, DADDY. 186 00:08:44,873 --> 00:08:46,709 THIS IS WHERE THEY PUT US? 187 00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:49,670 WHAT? THERE WAS NO TABLE AVAILABLE IN THE KITCHEN? 188 00:08:49,753 --> 00:08:50,796 OH. HI, DADDY. 189 00:08:50,879 --> 00:08:51,839 HELLO, BABY. 190 00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:53,299 YOU REMEMBER ROSS? 191 00:08:53,382 --> 00:08:54,842 NICE TO SEE YOU, DR. GREEN. 192 00:08:54,925 --> 00:08:56,427 SO! 193 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,601 HOW'S THE LIBRARY? 194 00:09:03,684 --> 00:09:05,061 UH, MUSEUM. 195 00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:07,146 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LIBRARY? 196 00:09:07,229 --> 00:09:09,148 THERE NEVER WAS A LIBRARY. 197 00:09:09,231 --> 00:09:11,150 I MEAN, THERE ARE LIBRARIES. 198 00:09:11,233 --> 00:09:13,444 UM… I'VE NEVER WORKED AT ONE. 199 00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:19,825 YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOOD HERE? 200 00:09:19,908 --> 00:09:20,826 THE LOBSTER. 201 00:09:20,909 --> 00:09:23,037 SHALL I JUST ORDER THREE? 202 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,330 YEAH, IF YOU'RE REALLY HUNGRY. 203 00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:32,213 IT WAS A JO… I MADE A JOKE. 204 00:09:32,296 --> 00:09:33,548 YEAH. ACTUALLY, DADDY… 205 00:09:33,631 --> 00:09:35,716 ROSS IS ALLERGIC TO LOBSTER. 206 00:09:35,799 --> 00:09:38,177 WHAT KIND OF PERSON'S ALLERGIC TO LOBSTER? 207 00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:39,220 THE KIND OF PERSON 208 00:09:39,303 --> 00:09:40,430 THAT WORKS IN A LIBRARY. 209 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:41,764 IT'S NOT A LI… 210 00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,266 I KNOW. IT'S A MUSEUM. 211 00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:45,726 YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE A JOKE? 212 00:09:45,809 --> 00:09:47,395 UHH… WAITER. 213 00:09:47,478 --> 00:09:51,106 WE WILL HAVE TWO LOBSTERS AND A MENU. 214 00:09:54,776 --> 00:09:57,738 SO, DR. GREEN, HOW'S THE OLD BOAT? 215 00:09:57,821 --> 00:09:59,407 THEY FOUND RUST. 216 00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:01,409 YOU KNOW WHAT RUST DOES TO A BOAT? 217 00:10:01,492 --> 00:10:03,952 GIVES IT A NICE, ANTIQUE-Y LOOK? 218 00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:11,336 RUST IS BOAT CANCER, ROSS. 219 00:10:11,419 --> 00:10:14,172 WELL, I'M SORRY. 220 00:10:14,255 --> 00:10:16,716 WHEN I WAS A KID, I LOST A BIKE TO THAT. 221 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:26,976 I WANT TO SAY GOOD NIGHT TO THE LEVINES BEFORE WE GO. 222 00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:28,269 OKAY. 223 00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:32,649 HONEY, STOP. 224 00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:33,983 IT'S NOT THAT BAD. 225 00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:35,776 YEAH. 226 00:10:35,859 --> 00:10:36,986 UH-OH. 227 00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:38,904 I THINK YOUR DAD MUST HAVE ADDED WRONG. 228 00:10:38,987 --> 00:10:40,615 HE ONLY TIPPED, LIKE, FOUR PERCENT. 229 00:10:40,698 --> 00:10:42,659 YEAH. THAT'S DADDY. 230 00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:43,951 THAT'S DADDY? 231 00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,828 DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU? 232 00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:47,413 YOU'RE A WAITRESS. 233 00:10:47,496 --> 00:10:48,789 YES. IT BOTHERS ME, ROSS 234 00:10:48,872 --> 00:10:50,708 BUT, YOU KNOW, IF HE WAS A REGULAR 235 00:10:50,791 --> 00:10:53,503 AT THE COFFEE HOUSE, I'D BE SERVING HIM "SNEEZERS." 236 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:54,920 SO? 237 00:10:55,003 --> 00:10:56,255 SO, ROSS 238 00:10:56,338 --> 00:10:57,882 I BUGGED HIM A MILLION TIMES. 239 00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:59,342 HE WON'T CHANGE. 240 00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:02,219 DO YOU REALLY SERVE PEOPLE "SNEEZERS"? 241 00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:05,764 WELL, UM, I DON'T. 242 00:11:05,847 --> 00:11:07,475 ALL RIGHT, KIDS 243 00:11:07,558 --> 00:11:08,851 YOU READY? 244 00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:10,770 THANKS AGAIN, DR. GREEN. 245 00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:17,860 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 246 00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:19,278 I THINK I FORGOT MY RECEIPT… 247 00:11:19,361 --> 00:11:20,779 YOU DON'T NEED THAT. 248 00:11:20,862 --> 00:11:21,780 WHY NOT? 249 00:11:21,863 --> 00:11:23,282 THE CARBON… IT'S MESSY. 250 00:11:23,365 --> 00:11:24,950 I MEAN, GETS ON YOUR FINGERS 251 00:11:25,033 --> 00:11:27,411 AND CAUSES THE, THE… NIGHT BLINDNESS. 252 00:11:30,581 --> 00:11:32,500 WHAT IS THIS? 253 00:11:32,583 --> 00:11:34,252 WHO PUT A 20 THERE? 254 00:11:34,335 --> 00:11:35,587 HUH? 255 00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:37,630 OH, THAT WOULD BE ME. 256 00:11:37,713 --> 00:11:39,424 UM, I HAVE A PROBLEM. 257 00:11:39,507 --> 00:11:41,259 I TIP WAY TOO MUCH. 258 00:11:41,342 --> 00:11:42,343 IT'S A SICKNESS, REALLY. 259 00:11:42,426 --> 00:11:43,344 YEAH. IT IS. 260 00:11:43,427 --> 00:11:44,345 'CAUSE WE REALLY 261 00:11:44,428 --> 00:11:45,513 HAVE TO DO… 262 00:11:45,596 --> 00:11:46,514 EXCUSE ME. 263 00:11:46,597 --> 00:11:48,182 YOU THINK I'M CHEAP? 264 00:11:48,265 --> 00:11:50,142 OH, DADDY, HE DIDN'T MEAN… 265 00:11:50,225 --> 00:11:51,269 HUH? 266 00:11:51,352 --> 00:11:52,520 HE REALLY DIDN'T. 267 00:11:52,603 --> 00:11:55,981 NOTHING I DO MEANS ANYTHING, REALLY. 268 00:11:57,274 --> 00:11:58,401 THIS IS NICE. 269 00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:00,695 I PAY $200 FOR DINNER, YOU PUT DOWN 20 270 00:12:00,778 --> 00:12:03,489 AND YOU COME OUT LOOKING LIKE MR. BIG SHOT. 271 00:12:03,572 --> 00:12:06,075 YOU REALLY WANT TO BE MR. BIG SHOT? 272 00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:07,410 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. 273 00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:10,037 YOU PAY THE WHOLE BILL, MR. BIG SHOT. 274 00:12:12,289 --> 00:12:17,378 WELL, "MR. BIG SHOT" IS BETTER THAN "WET HEAD." 275 00:12:17,461 --> 00:12:19,547 OKAY. SOME TRICKS OF THE TRADE. 276 00:12:19,630 --> 00:12:23,259 NOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO CRY AS AN ACTOR. 277 00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:26,387 SO, IF I'M IN A SCENE WHERE I HAVE TO CRY 278 00:12:26,470 --> 00:12:30,516 I CUT A HOLE IN MY POCKET, TAKE A PAIR OF TWEEZERS… 279 00:12:30,599 --> 00:12:32,476 AND JUST START PULLING. 280 00:12:34,436 --> 00:12:35,480 OKAY? 281 00:12:35,563 --> 00:12:38,107 OR, UH, LET'S SAY I WANT TO CONVEY 282 00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,234 THAT I'VE JUST DONE SOMETHING EVIL. 283 00:12:40,317 --> 00:12:42,111 THAT WOULD BE YOUR BASIC 284 00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:44,238 "I'VE GOT A FISHHOOK IN MY EYEBROW" 285 00:12:44,321 --> 00:12:45,364 AND I, LIKE… 286 00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,662 HMM? OKAY. 287 00:12:50,745 --> 00:12:53,038 LET'S SAY I'VE JUST GOTTEN BAD NEWS. 288 00:12:53,121 --> 00:12:54,499 WELL, ALL I DO THERE 289 00:12:54,582 --> 00:12:57,959 IS TRY AND DIVIDE 232 BY 13. 290 00:13:06,844 --> 00:13:08,805 AND THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE. 291 00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:11,182 GREAT SOAP OPERA ACTING TONIGHT, EVERYBODY. 292 00:13:11,265 --> 00:13:12,600 CLASS DISMISSED. 293 00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:16,521 HEY, MR. TRIB. 294 00:13:16,604 --> 00:13:17,689 GUESS WHAT? 295 00:13:17,772 --> 00:13:19,190 I GOT AN AUDITION! 296 00:13:19,273 --> 00:13:21,651 OH. ONE OF MY STUDENTS GOT AN AUDITION. 297 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:22,859 I'M SO PROUD. 298 00:13:22,942 --> 00:13:25,446 I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD CONSIDER 299 00:13:25,529 --> 00:13:26,905 COACHING ME FOR IT? 300 00:13:26,988 --> 00:13:27,906 YOU BET. 301 00:13:27,989 --> 00:13:28,907 WHAT'S THE PART? 302 00:13:28,990 --> 00:13:29,950 OH, IT'S GREAT. 303 00:13:30,033 --> 00:13:31,536 IT'S A ROLE IN ALL MY CHILDREN. 304 00:13:31,619 --> 00:13:32,952 NICK THE BOXER. 305 00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:44,048 YOU COULDN'T JUST LEAVE IT ALONE. 306 00:13:44,131 --> 00:13:45,090 FOUR PERCENT, OKAY? 307 00:13:45,173 --> 00:13:46,425 I TIP MORE THAN THAT 308 00:13:46,508 --> 00:13:48,636 WHEN THERE'S A BUG IN MY FOOD. 309 00:13:48,719 --> 00:13:51,722 ROSS, TONIGHT WAS ABOUT THE TWO OF YOU GETTING ALONG. 310 00:13:53,098 --> 00:13:54,726 WOULD YOU SEE MY CHIROPRACTOR? 311 00:13:54,809 --> 00:13:56,769 YEAH, I'M GOING TO GO TO A DOCTOR 312 00:13:56,852 --> 00:13:59,521 WHO WENT TO MEDICAL SCHOOL IN A MINI-MALL. 313 00:14:02,650 --> 00:14:03,693 HEY, PHEEBS. 314 00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:05,361 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 315 00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:09,490 I… I'M FREAKING OUT. 316 00:14:09,573 --> 00:14:11,576 MONICA KIND OF TRUSTED ME WITH SOMETHING 317 00:14:11,659 --> 00:14:13,035 AND SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE. 318 00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:16,664 I HAVEN'T LIVED HERE IN A WHILE, SO I HAVE TO ASK. 319 00:14:16,747 --> 00:14:19,917 DOES MONICA STILL TURN THE LIGHTS ON IN HER BEDROOM? 320 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,628 YEAH. 321 00:14:22,711 --> 00:14:24,087 I AM SO DEAD. 322 00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:29,009 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, HERE'S THE BOTTOM LINE, ROSS. 323 00:14:29,092 --> 00:14:31,262 THIS IS FIXABLE IF WE ACT FAST, OKAY? 324 00:14:31,345 --> 00:14:34,265 I'LL INVITE HIM TO BRUNCH AND YOU CAN MAKE NICE. 325 00:14:34,348 --> 00:14:36,350 LOOK, HONEY, I HAVE TRIED TO MAKE NICE. 326 00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:37,685 IT DOESN'T WORK. 327 00:14:37,768 --> 00:14:40,020 LOOK, I REALIZE THAT MY FATHER IS DIFFICULT 328 00:14:40,103 --> 00:14:41,980 BUT THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE GOT TO BE 329 00:14:42,063 --> 00:14:43,775 THE BIGGER MAN HERE. 330 00:14:43,858 --> 00:14:46,068 LOOK, SWEETIE, I COULD BE THE BIGGER MAN. 331 00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:48,112 I COULD BE THE BIGGEST MAN. 332 00:14:48,195 --> 00:14:50,448 I COULD BE A GIANT MAN. 333 00:14:50,531 --> 00:14:51,741 IT WOULDN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE 334 00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,951 EXCEPT THAT I COULD PICK YOUR FATHER UP 335 00:14:54,034 --> 00:14:56,161 AND SAY, "LIKE ME, TINY DOCTOR." 336 00:14:56,244 --> 00:14:58,372 OKAY, WELL, CAN'T YOU JUST TRY IT 337 00:14:58,455 --> 00:15:00,792 ONE MORE TIME, ROSS? FOR ME. FOR ME. 338 00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:04,253 RACHEL, ONE BRUNCH IS NOT GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING. 339 00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:06,714 YOU'VE GOT TO FACE IT, WE'LL NEVER GET ALONG. 340 00:15:06,797 --> 00:15:08,716 YOU HAVE TO, BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY GOT 341 00:15:08,799 --> 00:15:10,008 A MOTHER AND A FATHER 342 00:15:10,091 --> 00:15:12,303 WHO CANNOT STAY IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER. 343 00:15:12,386 --> 00:15:15,055 I DON'T WANT A SEPARATE ROOM FOR YOU TOO. 344 00:15:15,138 --> 00:15:17,141 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 345 00:15:17,224 --> 00:15:19,727 I'LL GET THE BAGELS. 346 00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:25,816 WHAT'S THIS? 347 00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:30,070 ISN'T IT COOL? VROOM! VROOM! 348 00:15:31,446 --> 00:15:32,865 THIS IS NOT THE BED I ORDERED. 349 00:15:32,948 --> 00:15:35,993 I KNOW. YOU MUST HAVE WON A CONTEST OR SOMETHING. 350 00:15:37,661 --> 00:15:38,661 PHOEBE. 351 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,416 WHY IS THIS CAR IN MY BEDROOM? 352 00:15:42,499 --> 00:15:44,168 I'M SORRY, OKAY? I WASN'T LOOKING 353 00:15:44,251 --> 00:15:46,462 AND THE STORE SAID THEY WON'T TAKE IT BACK 354 00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:47,922 BECAUSE YOU SIGNED FOR IT. 355 00:15:48,005 --> 00:15:49,340 WHEN DID I SIGN FOR IT? 356 00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:50,842 WHEN I WAS YOU. 357 00:15:50,925 --> 00:15:53,928 IT'S ALL JOEY'S FAULT BECAUSE HE LEFT HIS NOSE OPEN. 358 00:15:56,137 --> 00:15:57,849 DID YOU MAKE BROWNIES TODAY? 359 00:15:57,932 --> 00:15:59,433 KNOCK, KNOCK. 360 00:15:59,516 --> 00:16:02,853 QUICK, TAKE OFF YOUR DRESS. HE WON'T NOTICE THE BED. 361 00:16:05,439 --> 00:16:06,691 HEY, I'M GOING FOR SUSHI. 362 00:16:06,774 --> 00:16:08,149 DOES ANYBODY WANT, UH… 363 00:16:10,277 --> 00:16:12,780 WHOA, SOMEBODY MISSED THE OFF RAMP. 364 00:16:15,282 --> 00:16:16,575 IT'S MONICA'S BED. 365 00:16:16,658 --> 00:16:17,618 WHAT? 366 00:16:17,701 --> 00:16:19,871 OKAY. 367 00:16:19,954 --> 00:16:22,498 IT'S A RACE CAR. 368 00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:24,834 SO, THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN MONICA'S BED. 369 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,377 YOU'RE JUST NOTICING NOW? 370 00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:28,128 HOW SELF-INVOLVED ARE YOU? 371 00:16:30,213 --> 00:16:31,924 OKAY, WELL, IF THIS BED ISN'T NEW 372 00:16:32,007 --> 00:16:34,551 THEN HOW COME THERE'S PLASTIC ON THE MATTRESS? 373 00:16:35,803 --> 00:16:38,639 SOMETIMES, I HAVE BAD DREAMS. 374 00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:43,644 LOOK… 375 00:16:43,727 --> 00:16:45,396 I JUST SAW MY BEST FRIEND'S BRAINS 376 00:16:45,479 --> 00:16:48,190 SMEARED ACROSS THE CANVAS. 377 00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:50,776 IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ME. 378 00:16:50,859 --> 00:16:52,653 NOT ME. 379 00:16:54,696 --> 00:16:55,907 WOW. 380 00:16:55,990 --> 00:16:58,951 THAT… THAT… THAT WAS GOOD. THAT WAS… 381 00:16:59,034 --> 00:17:00,452 TWEEZERS? 382 00:17:00,535 --> 00:17:01,579 NO. 383 00:17:01,662 --> 00:17:02,914 OH, WOW. 384 00:17:02,997 --> 00:17:05,457 THAT WAS REALLY GOOD. 385 00:17:05,540 --> 00:17:07,501 THANKS. 386 00:17:07,584 --> 00:17:08,753 ANY SUGGESTIONS? 387 00:17:08,836 --> 00:17:10,838 HMM, I… 388 00:17:15,759 --> 00:17:18,512 YOU TOLD HIM TO PLAY THE BOXER GAY? 389 00:17:22,390 --> 00:17:25,936 WELL, I-I MIGHT HAVE SAID "SUPER GAY." 390 00:17:27,062 --> 00:17:29,273 YOU TOTALLY SCREWED HIM OVER. 391 00:17:29,356 --> 00:17:31,191 JOEY, YOU'RE THIS GUY'S TEACHER. 392 00:17:31,274 --> 00:17:33,027 HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? 393 00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:35,029 BECAUSE, MONICA, THE GUY'S SO GOOD 394 00:17:35,112 --> 00:17:37,197 AND I REALLY, REALLY WANT THIS PART. 395 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,408 WELL, IF YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT IT, THEN IT'S OKAY. 396 00:17:42,369 --> 00:17:43,454 HI, DADDY. 397 00:17:43,537 --> 00:17:44,621 BABY. 398 00:17:45,956 --> 00:17:47,207 ROSS. 399 00:17:47,290 --> 00:17:48,917 DR. GREEN, HOW ARE YOU? 400 00:17:50,752 --> 00:17:53,255 THANKS FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT. 401 00:17:53,338 --> 00:17:57,217 THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME A VALUABLE LESSON. 402 00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:58,343 NICE HAIR. 403 00:17:58,426 --> 00:18:00,012 WHAT DID YOU DO, SWIM HERE? 404 00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:04,767 OKAY, THAT'S IT. 405 00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,102 I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. 406 00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:07,812 WHAT? HE'S INTERESTED IN YOU. 407 00:18:07,895 --> 00:18:11,356 HE LIKES YOUR HAIR AND HE JUST WANTS TO KNOW HOW YOU GOT HERE. 408 00:18:11,439 --> 00:18:13,150 SWEETIE, IT'S HOPELESS, OKAY? 409 00:18:13,233 --> 00:18:15,193 I'M JUST GOING TO GO. WHAT? ROSS… 410 00:18:15,276 --> 00:18:17,362 LOOK, I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST… 411 00:18:17,445 --> 00:18:19,115 ROSS, WHAT'S WITH THE NECK? 412 00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,449 HE'S GOT THIS THING. 413 00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:22,159 I TELL HIM TO GO TO MY CHIROPRACTOR. 414 00:18:22,242 --> 00:18:24,244 YOU'RE STILL GOING TO THAT CHIROPRACTOR? 415 00:18:24,327 --> 00:18:26,789 THAT MAN COULDN'T GET INTO MED SCHOOL IN IXTAPA. 416 00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:28,124 YEAH, THANK YOU. 417 00:18:28,207 --> 00:18:30,250 THAT'S WHAT I KEEP SAYING. 418 00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:33,545 EXCUSE ME. DR. BOBBY HAPPENS TO BE AN EXCELLENT DOCTOR. 419 00:18:33,628 --> 00:18:34,880 WAIT A MINUTE. 420 00:18:34,963 --> 00:18:37,549 HIS NAME IS DR. BOBBY? 421 00:18:37,632 --> 00:18:39,718 WELL, THAT'S HIS LAST NAME. 422 00:18:39,801 --> 00:18:41,178 AND HIS FIRST NAME. 423 00:18:41,261 --> 00:18:43,138 HE'S BOBBY BOBBY? 424 00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:46,809 IT'S ROBERT BOBBY. 425 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:48,144 OH-HO. 426 00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:50,395 AND UM, EXCUSE ME. HE HELPS ME. 427 00:18:50,478 --> 00:18:52,773 OH, PLEASE. ASK HER HOW. 428 00:18:52,856 --> 00:18:54,358 WHAT DO YOU NEED HELP FOR? 429 00:18:54,441 --> 00:18:56,819 MY ALIGNMENT. I'VE GOT ONE LEG SHORTER THAN THE OTHER. 430 00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:57,820 OH, MY GOD. 431 00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:59,196 YEAH. ARGUE WITH THAT. 432 00:18:59,279 --> 00:19:01,615 IT'S TRUE. MY RIGHT LEG IS TWO INCHES SHORTER. 433 00:19:01,698 --> 00:19:04,660 COME ON, YOU'RE JUST TILTING. 434 00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:05,995 HER LEGS ARE FINE. 435 00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,245 I KNOW THAT. 436 00:19:07,328 --> 00:19:08,789 WHY LET HER GO TO A CHIROPRACTOR? 437 00:19:08,872 --> 00:19:10,415 I'M SORRY. "LET HER"? 438 00:19:10,498 --> 00:19:13,961 SHE DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME ABOUT RENTER'S INSURANCE, EITHER. 439 00:19:14,044 --> 00:19:15,713 WAIT A MINUTE. 440 00:19:15,796 --> 00:19:17,923 YOU DON'T HAVE RENTER'S INSURANCE? 441 00:19:18,006 --> 00:19:19,591 NO. 442 00:19:19,674 --> 00:19:22,260 WELL, WHAT IF SOMEBODY STEALS SOMETHING? 443 00:19:22,343 --> 00:19:25,389 HOW YOU GOING TO RUN AFTER THEM WITH 444 00:19:25,472 --> 00:19:26,974 ONE LEG SHORTER THAN THE OTHER? 445 00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:33,480 HEY, WOULD YOU, UH, LIKE SOME JUICE? 446 00:19:33,563 --> 00:19:35,149 I'D LOVE SOME JUICE, THANK YOU. 447 00:19:35,232 --> 00:19:36,567 OKAY. 448 00:19:36,650 --> 00:19:38,777 WOW. THIS IS GOING SO WELL. 449 00:19:38,860 --> 00:19:40,445 DID YOU SEE US? 450 00:19:40,528 --> 00:19:42,907 YEAH, HONEY, I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE. 451 00:19:42,990 --> 00:19:44,408 WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL HIM ABOUT THE MOLE 452 00:19:44,491 --> 00:19:45,784 I HAVEN'T GOTTEN CHECKED YET? 453 00:19:45,867 --> 00:19:47,202 EXCELLENT. 454 00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:54,043 THERE WILL COME A TIME IN EACH OF YOUR CAREERS 455 00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:56,128 WHEN YOU'LL HAVE A CHANCE 456 00:19:56,211 --> 00:19:58,964 TO SCREW OVER ANOTHER SOAP OPERA ACTOR. 457 00:19:59,047 --> 00:20:02,176 I HAD SUCH AN OPPORTUNITY IN THE RECENT PRESENT. 458 00:20:04,636 --> 00:20:08,223 AND I'M ASHAMED TO SAY THAT I TOOK IT. 459 00:20:10,558 --> 00:20:13,854 I ADVISED A FELLOW ACTOR TO PLAY A ROLE… 460 00:20:15,396 --> 00:20:17,232 HOMOSEXUALLY. 461 00:20:20,068 --> 00:20:21,402 YEAH. 462 00:20:22,445 --> 00:20:25,783 WE BOTH AUDITIONED FOR THE PART 463 00:20:25,866 --> 00:20:28,702 AND, UH… AS IT TURNED OUT… 464 00:20:29,703 --> 00:20:31,622 THEY, UH… 465 00:20:31,705 --> 00:20:36,084 THEY LIKED THE STUPID GAY THING AND CAST HIM. 466 00:20:37,544 --> 00:20:38,796 AND NOW… 467 00:20:38,879 --> 00:20:42,423 HE'S GOT A TWO YEAR CONTRACT OPPOSITE… 468 00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:48,972 SUSAN LUCCI, THE FIRST LADY OF DAYTIME TELEVISION. 469 00:20:50,431 --> 00:20:52,768 AND ME… 470 00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:56,688 ME, I'M STUCK HERE TEACHING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE 471 00:20:56,771 --> 00:20:59,566 MOST OF WHOM ARE TOO UGLY TO EVEN BE ON TV. 472 00:21:02,443 --> 00:21:04,988 I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. 473 00:21:14,622 --> 00:21:16,708 THANK YOU. 474 00:21:20,420 --> 00:21:21,588 MAY I HELP YOU? 475 00:21:21,671 --> 00:21:22,840 WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE. 476 00:21:22,923 --> 00:21:24,800 I'M THE LADY WHO GOT STUCK WITH THE RACE CAR BED. 477 00:21:24,883 --> 00:21:27,427 LOOK, IT'S LIKE I TOLD YOU. 478 00:21:27,510 --> 00:21:29,888 THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO. 479 00:21:29,971 --> 00:21:31,682 YOU SIGNED FOR IT. 480 00:21:31,765 --> 00:21:33,851 "MONICA FALOOLA GELLER." 481 00:21:33,934 --> 00:21:36,728 ALL RIGHT, JESTER MAN, WE WANT TO SEE THE KING. 482 00:21:36,811 --> 00:21:38,856 NOBODY SEES THE KING. 483 00:21:38,939 --> 00:21:41,441 OKAY, I'M TALKING TO THE KING. 484 00:21:41,524 --> 00:21:44,152 HEY, YOU CAN'T GO BACK THERE. 485 00:21:49,032 --> 00:21:53,661 OHH… MY… GOD. 486 00:22:06,925 --> 00:22:09,594 HEY! WATCH IT, LADY! 487 00:22:14,891 --> 00:22:16,726 HEY, HEY, GOOD-LOOKIN'. 488 00:22:26,194 --> 00:22:27,612 ALL RIGHT, I'LL LEAVE. 489 00:22:27,695 --> 00:22:30,574 MY BED'S SO BORING.