GOOD ONE.
ACTUALLY, TERRY WANTS YOU
TO TAKE THE TRAINING AGAIN.
WHENEVER.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
YEAH.
SO THAT'S TWO BOXES
OF THE HOLIDAY MACAROONS.
ON BEHALF OF THE BROWN BIRDS OF AMERICA
I SALUTE YOU.
JUST ADMIT IT, CHANDLER, YOU HAVE NO BACKHAND.
EXCUSE ME, LITTLE ONE.
I HAVE A VERY SOLID BACKHAND.
SHIELDING YOUR FACE AND SHRIEKING LIKE A GIRL
IS NOT A BACKHAND.
I WAS SHRIEKING…
LIKE A MARINE.
ALL RIGHT, HERE.
WATCH ME EXECUTE THE THREE Ps OF CHAMPIONSHIP PLAY.
POWER. HA!
PRECISION. SHHK!
AND PANACHE.
YOU BROKE A LITTLE GIRL'S LEG?
I KNOW.
I FEEL HORRIBLE, OKAY?
IT SAYS HERE THAT A MUPPET GOT WHACKED
ON SESAME STREET LAST NIGHT.
WHERE EXACTLY WERE YOU AROUND TEN-ISH?
WELL, I'M GOING TO GO SEE HER.
I WANT TO BRING HER SOMETHING.
WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE'D LIKE?
MAYBE A "HELLO, KITTY" DOLL
THE ABILITY TO WALK.
I'M GOING TO GET BACK TO RETRAINING.
ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU, GUYS.
LOOK OUT, KIDS.
HE'S COMING.
AND I GOT TO GO SELL SOME CHRISTMAS TREES.
HAVE FUN.
OH, WAIT.
NO, DON'T.
I AM TOTALLY AGAINST THAT NOW.
WHAT, ME HAVING A JOB?
NO, NO.
I AM AGAINST INNOCENT TREES BEING CUT DOWN
IN THEIR PRIME
AND THEIR CORPSES GROTESQUELY DRESSED
IN TINSEL AND TWINKLY LIGHTS.
HEY, HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?
WELL, I'M PRETTY TIRED FROM LUGGING
THE TREES AROUND.
HEY, PHOEBE, LISTEN.
YOU GOT THIS ALL WRONG.
THOSE TREES WERE BORN TO BE CHRISTMAS TREES.
THEY'RE FULFILLING THEIR LIFE PURPOSE
BY MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY.
REALLY?
YES.
YES, AND, UH… THE TREES ARE HAPPY, TOO
BECAUSE FOR MOST OF THEM
IT'S THEIR ONLY CHANCE TO SEE NEW YORK.
AND AFTER YOU'VE DELIVERED THE DRINKS
YOU TAKE THE EMPTY TRAY…
GUNTHER, PLEASE.
I'VE WORKED HERE FOR 2h YEARS.
THE EMPTY TRAYS GO OVER THERE.
WHAT IF YOU PUT THEM HERE?
THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD IDEA
BECAUSE THAT WAY THEY'LL BE CLOSER TO THE MUGS.
YOU SHOULD HAVE THE OTHER WAITRESSES DO THAT, TOO.
THEY ALREADY DO.
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT "THE TRAY SPOT."
I ALWAYS HEARD THEM TALK ABOUT THAT.
I SORT OF JUST THOUGHT IT WAS A CLUB THEY WENT TO.
OH, GOD.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT…
SWEETHEART.
SO, THIS MUST BE KIND OF NEAT FOR YOU.
YOUR DAD TELLS ME YOU GET A COUPLE OF DAYS OFF SCHOOL
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO SELL THOSE COOKIES ANYMORE.
WELL, I KIND OF WANTED TO SELL THE COOKIES.
THE GIRL WHO SELLS THE MOST WINS A TRIP TO SPACE CAMP
AND GETS TO SIT IN A REAL SPACE SHUTTLE.
WELL, YOU, UH…
YOU REALLY LIKE ALL THIS SPACE STUFF, HUH?
YEAH.
MY DAD SAYS
IF I SPENT AS MUCH TIME HELPING HIM CLEAN APARTMENTS
AS I DO DAYDREAMING ABOUT OUTER SPACE
HE'D BE ABLE TO AFFORD A TRIP TO THE TAJ MAHAL.
YOU'D HAVE TO CLEAN A WHOLE LOT OF APARTMENTS
TO GO ALL THE WAY TO INDIA.
NO, THE ONE IN ATLANTIC CITY.
DAD LOVES THE SLOTS.
HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO DOUBLE THE COLLEGE MONEY
MY GRANDMA LEFT ME.
HUH. WELL, GOOD LUCK TO DAD.
HOW MANY MORE BOXES WOULD YOU HAVE TO SELL
IN ORDER TO WIN?
THE GIRL WHO WON LAST YEAR SOLD 475.
YEAH?
SO FAR, I'VE SOLD 75.
400, HUH?
WELL, THAT SOUNDS DO-ABLE.
HOW MUCH ARE THE BOXES?
FIVE DOLLARS A BOX.
AND WHAT IS SECOND PRIZE?
A TEN-SPEED BIKE
BUT I'D RATHER HAVE SOMETHING MY DAD COULDN'T SELL.
WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.
COULD YOU DO ME ONE FAVOR?
YEAH, SARAH, ANYTHING.
COULD YOU PULL THE CURTAINS OPEN FOR ME?
THE ASTRONAUTS FROM THE SPACE SHUTTLE
ARE GOING TO BE ON THE NEWS.
SINCE WE DON'T HAVE A TV
THE LADY ACROSS THE ALLEY SAID SHE'D PUSH HERS UP TO HER WINDOW
SO I CAN WATCH IT.
Old Lady: YES?
HI. I'M SELLING BROWN BIRD COOKIES.
YOU'RE NO BROWN BIRD.
I CAN SEE YOU THROUGH MY PEEPHOLE.
UM, NO, HI.
I'M AN HONORARY BROWN BIRD.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WELL, IT MEANS THAT I CAN SELL COOKIES
BUT I'M NOT INVITED TO SLEEPOVERS.
I CAN DIAL 911 AT THE PRESS OF A BUTTON, YOU KNOW.
NOW, GO AWAY!
PLEASE, PLEASE.
IT'S FOR A POOR LITTLE GIRL WHO WANTS TO GO TO SPACE CAMP
MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
I'M PRESSING.
A POLICEMAN IS ON HIS WAY.
OKAY, OKAY, I'M GOING.
I'M GOING.
I CAN STILL SEE YOU!
ALL RIGHT!
HEY.
HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WELL, I THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID
AND I REALIZED…
MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE JUDGMENTAL.
YEAH, OH, BUT, OH…
NOW, PHOEBE, REMEMBER, HEY…
THEY'RE JUST FULFILLING THEIR CHRISTMAS…
DESTINY. YES.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
YIKES, THAT ONE DOESN'T LOOK VERY FULFILLED.
THAT'S ONE OF THE OLD ONES.
HE'S JUST TAKING IT TO THE BACK.
YOU KEEP THE OLD ONES IN THE BACK?
THAT IS SO AGEIST.
WELL, WE HAVE TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE FRESH ONES.
SO, WHAT HAPPENS TO THE OLD GUYS?
THEY GO INTO THE CHIPPER.
WHY DO I HAVE THE FEELING
THAT'S NOT AS HAPPY AS IT SOUNDS?
NO… NO!
HEY, HEY, HEY!
AND THESE COME IN THE SHAPES
OF YOUR FAVORITE CHRISTMAS CHARACTERS…
SANTA, RUDOLPH, AND BABY JESUS.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE A BOX OF THE CREAM-FILLED JESUSES.
ONE BOX?
I'M TRYING TO SEND A POOR LITTLE GIRL TO SPACE CAMP.
I'M PUTTING YOU DOWN FOR FIVE BOXES.
CHANDLER, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
ALL RIGHT, DO YOU HAVE ANY COCONUT-FLAVORED DEITIES?
NO, BUT, UH
THERE'S COCONUT IN THE HANUKKAH MENOREOS.
I'LL PUT YOU DOWN FOR EIGHT BOXES…
ONE FOR EACH NIGHT.
MON?
I'LL TAKE ONE BOX OF THE MINT TREASURES…
ONE, AND THAT'S IT.
I STARTED GAINING WEIGHT AFTER I JOINED THE BROWN BIRDS.
REMEMBER? DAD BOUGHT EVERY ONE OF MY BOXES
AND I ATE THEM ALL.
NO, MON, DAD HAD TO BUY EVERY ONE OF YOUR BOXES
BECAUSE YOU ATE THEM ALL.
BUT, UH…
I'M SURE THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN THIS TIME.
WHY DON'T I JUST PUT YOU DOWN FOR THREE OF THE MINT TREASURES
AND JUST A COUPLE OF THE RUDOLPHS?
NO.
OH, COME ON NOW.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT THEM.
DON'T… DON'T… DON'T DO THIS.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, MON…
I'LL GIVE YOU THE FIRST BOX FOR FREE.
OH, GOD, I GOT TO GO!
COME ON.
ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE EATING THEM.
WHEN YOU HAVE A SECOND LATER
I WANT TO SHOW YOU
WHY WE DON'T JUST TRAP SPIDERS UNDER COFFEE MUGS
AND LEAVE THEM THERE.
I'M RETRAINING TO BE BETTER AT A JOB THAT I HATE.
MY LIFE OFFICIALLY SUCKS.
WASN'T THIS A TEMPORARY THING?
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO DO FASHION STUFF.
WELL, YEAH, I'M STILL PURSUING THAT.
HOW EXACTLY ARE YOU PURSUING THAT?
YOU KNOW, OTHER THAN SENDING OUT RESUMES
LIKE, WHAT, TWO YEARS AGO?
WELL, I'M ALSO SENDING OUT…
GOOD THOUGHTS.
IF YOU ASK ME
AS LONG AS YOU GOT THIS JOB
YOU GOT NOTHING PUSHING YOU TO GET ANOTHER ONE.
YOU NEED THE FEAR.
THE FEAR?
IF YOU QUIT THIS JOB
YOU THEN HAVE MOTIVATION TO GO AFTER A JOB
YOU REALLY WANT.
THEN HOW COME YOU'RE STILL AT A JOB
THAT YOU HATE?
WHY DON'T YOU QUIT AND GET THE FEAR?
BECAUSE I'M TOO AFRAID.
OH, GOD.
I DON'T KNOW.
I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING
TO WORK FOR A DESIGNER OR A BUYER.
OH, I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE 30
AND STILL WORK HERE.
YEAH, THAT'D BE MUCH WORSE
THAN BEING 28 AND STILL WORKING HERE.
RACHEL?
YEAH?
REMIND ME TO REVIEW WITH YOU
WHICH POT IS DECAF AND WHICH IS REGULAR.
CAN'T I JUST LOOK AT THE HANDLES ON THEM?
YOU WOULD THINK.
OKAY, FINE.
GUNTHER, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I AM A TERRIBLE WAITRESS.
DO YOU KNOW WHY I AM A TERRIBLE WAITRESS?
BECAUSE I DON'T CARE.
I DON'T CARE WHICH POT IS REGULAR
AND WHICH POT IS DECAF.
I DON'T CARE WHERE THE TRAY SPOT IS.
I JUST DON'T CARE.
THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO.
SO I DON'T THINK I SHOULD DO IT ANYMORE.
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU MY WEEK'S NOTICE.
WHAT?
GUNTHER, I QUIT.
DOES THIS MEAN
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO START PAYING FOR COFFEE?
OKAY, 12…
22…
18…
WHAT?
I SPELLED OUT "BOOBIES."
ROSS
PUT ME DOWN FOR ANOTHER BOX
OF THE MINT TREASURES, OKAY?
WHERE ARE THE MINT TREASURES?
UH, WE'RE OUT.
I SOLD THEM ALL.
WHAT?
MONICA, I'M CUTTING YOU OFF.
NO… NO.
JU-JUST A COUPLE MORE BOXES.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL, ALL RIGHT?
I-I'M COOL.
YOU GOT TO HELP ME OUT WITH A COUPLE MORE BOXES!
MON, LOOK AT YOURSELF.
YOU HAVE COOKIE ON YOUR NECK.
OH, GOD!
SO, HOW MANY HAVE YOU SOLD SO FAR?
CHECK THIS OUT… 517 BOXES.
OH, MY GOD! HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
OKAY, THE OTHER NIGHT, I WAS LEAVING THE MUSEUM
JUST AS "LASER FLOYD" WAS LETTING OUT
OF THE PLANETARIUM?
WITHOUT EVEN TRYING, I SOLD 50 BOXES.
THAT'S WHEN IT OCCURRED TO ME…
THE MUNCHIES.
SO, I, UH
STARTED HITTING THE N.Y.U. DORMS AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I AM SELLING COOKIES BY THE CASE.
THEY CALL ME "COOKIE DUDE!"
OKAY, EVERYBODY STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
I NEED ENVELOPE STUFFERS.
I NEED STAMP LICKERS.
WELL, HEY, WHO DID THESE RESUMES FOR YOU?
ME, ON MY COMPUTER.
YOU SURE USED A LARGE FONT.
EH, YEAH.
WELL, UH, "WAITRESS AT A COFFEE HOUSE"
AND, UH, "CHEER SQUAD CO-CAPTAIN"
ONLY TOOK UP SO MUCH ROOM.
HA-HA-HEY, THAT'S FUNNY.
YOU'RE FUNNY, CHANDLER.
YOU'RE A FUNNY GUY!
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS REALLY FUNNY?
SOMETHING ELSE I MIGHT HAVE SAID?
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
WEREN'T YOU THE GUY THAT TOLD ME TO QUIT MY JOB
WHEN I HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE TO DO?
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
CALM DOWN. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.
NO, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE OKAY, ROSS.
TOMORROW IS MY LAST DAY, AND I DON'T HAVE A LEAD.
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M JUST GOING TO CALL GUNTHER
AND I'M GOING TO TELL HIM I'M NOT QUITTING.
BUT, YOU-YOU DON'T WANT TO GIVE IN TO THE FEAR?
YOU AND STUPID FEAR.
I HATE YOUR FEAR!
I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE YOU
AND YOUR FEAR…
HEY! I GOT GREAT NEWS!
RUN, JOEY!
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
WHAT? RACH, LISTEN.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF FORTUNATA FASHIONS?
NO.
MY OLD MAN'S DOING A PLUMBING JOB DOWN THERE.
HE HEARD THEY HAVE AN OPENING.
YOU WANT ME TO SEE IF HE CAN GET YOU AN INTERVIEW?
YES! I WOULD LOVE THAT.
THAT'S SO SWEET, JOEY.
NOT A PROBLEM.
AND NOW FOR THE GREAT NEWS.
WHAT? THAT WASN'T THE GREAT NEWS?
ONLY IF YOU THINK IT'S BETTER THAN THIS…
SNOW IN A CAN!
I GOT IT AT WORK.
YOU WANT ME TO DECORATE THE WINDOW?
GIVE IT A CHRISTMAS LOOKY?
CHRISTMAS COOKIE?
THIS ONE HERE IS A DOUGLAS FIR.
IT'S A LITTLE MORE MONEY
BUT YOU GET A NICER SMELL.
LOOKS GOOD. I'LL TAKE IT.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, NO, NO.
YOU DON'T WANT THAT ONE.
NO, YOU CAN HAVE THIS COOL BROWN ONE.
OOH!
IT-IT'S ALMOST DEAD!
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO BUY IT.
SO IT CAN FULFILL ITS CHRISTMAS DESTINY.
OTHERWISE, THEY'RE GOING TO THROW IT INTO THE CHIPPER.
TELL HIM, JOEY.
YEAH, THE TREES THAT DON'T FULFILL
THEIR CHRISTMAS DESTINY ARE THROWN IN THE CHIPPER.
I THINK I'M GOING TO LOOK AROUND A LITTLE BIT MORE.
PHEEBS, YOU GOT TO STOP DOING THIS.
I'M WORKING ON COMMISSION HERE.
OH…
HEY, GUYS.
I'M HERE TO PICK OUT MY CHRISTMAS TREE.
WELL, LOOK NO FURTHER.
THIS ONE'S YOURS.
AH…
IS THIS THE ONE
THAT I THREW OUT LAST YEAR?
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
NEVER MIND!
EVERYBODY WANTS TO HAVE A GREEN ONE!
SORRY. I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET SO EMOTIONAL.
I GUESS IT'S JUST…
THE HOLIDAYS ARE JUST HARD.
OH, HONEY, IT THAT 'CAUSE YOUR MOM DIED AROUND CHRISTMAS?
OH, I WASN'T EVEN THINKING ABOUT THAT.
OH.
HI THERE.
HOW MANY… HOW MANY DID YOU SELL?
I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.
YOU'RE THE BAD MAN WHO BROKE SARAH'S LEG.
HEY, NOW, THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT, OKAY?
YOU'RE A BIG SCRUD.
WHAT'S A SCRUD?
WHY DON'T YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR, SCRUD?
I DON'T HAVE TO.
I CAN JUST LOOK AT YOU.
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS…
AND MAN.
LET'S SEE YOUR FINAL TALLIES.
OH… DEBBIE.
321 BOXES OF COOKIES.
VERY NICE.
NOT NICE ENOUGH.
CHARLA…
278.
SORRY, DEAR, BUT STILL GOOD.
GOOD FOR A SCRUD.
OOH, YES, ELIZABETH.
OH! 871!
THAT'S CRAP!
…SISTER BROWN BIRD.
GOOD GOING.
WHO'S NEXT?
HI, THERE.
HI.
AND BATTING FOR SARAH…
ROSS GELLER.
872.
ALTHOUGH IT LOOKS LIKE YOU BOUGHT
AN AWFUL LOT OF COOKIES YOURSELF.
THAT IS BECAUSE MY DOCTOR
SAYS THAT I HAVE A VERY SERIOUS…
NOUGAT…
DEFICIENCY.
TELL US WHAT HAPPENED, BROWN BIRD ROSS.
WELL, I LOST.
SOME LITTLE GIRL LOANED HER UNIFORM
TO HER 19-YEAR-OLD SISTER
WHO WENT DOWN TO THE U.S.S. NIMITZ
AND SOLD OVER 2,000 BOXES.
HOW'D THE INTERVIEW GO?
I BLEW IT.
I WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN HIRED ME.
OH, COME HERE, SWEETIE.
LISTEN, YOU'RE GOING TO GO ON
LIKE, A THOUSAND INTERVIEWS BEFORE YOU GET A JOB.
THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT.
THIS IS JUST THE WORST CHRISTMAS EVER.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE YOU SHOULD STAY AT THE COFFEE HOUSE.
I CAN'T. IT'S TOO LATE.
TERRY ALREADY HIRED THAT GIRL OVER THERE.
LOOK AT HER.
SHE'S EVEN GOT WAITRESS EXPERIENCE.
OOH!
LAST NIGHT SHE WAS… TEACHING EVERYBODY
HOW TO MAKE NAPKINS INTO…
THAT WORD WAS "SWANS."
WELL, SEEING THAT DRUNK SANTA WET HIMSELF
REALLY PERKED UP MY CHRISTMAS.
OH, MY GOD!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
OH!
YOU GUYS!
OH, GOD, YOU'RE THE BEST!
IT'S LIKE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD CHRISTMAS TREES.
HELLO?
YEAH, THIS IS SHE.
OH!
YOU'RE KIDDING.
YOU'RE KIDDING!
OH, THANK YOU!
I LOVE YOU!
SURE, EVERYBODY LOVES A KIDDER.
I GOT THE JOB!
ALL RIGHT! THAT'S GREAT.
GOD BLESS US, EVERY ONE.
HERE WE GO.
I'M SERVING MY LAST CUP OF COFFEE.
THERE YOU GO.
ENJOY.
SHOULD I TELL HER I ORDERED TEA?
NO.
UM, EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE.
UH, THIS IS MY LAST NIGHT WORKING HERE
AND, UH, I JUST WANTED TO SAY
THAT I MADE SOME REALLY GOOD FRIENDS HERE
AND, UH, IT'S JUST TIME TO MOVE ON.
UH, NO OFFENSE TO EVERYBODY WHO, UH, STILL WORKS HERE
BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO SAY
THAT AS OF THIS MOMENT
I WILL NEVER HAVE TO MAKE COFFEE AGAIN.
NOW, MR. KAPLAN SR. LIKES HIS COFFEE STRONG
SO YOU WANT TO USE TWO BAGS
INSTEAD OF ONE, SEE.
NOW PAY ATTENTION, 'CAUSE THIS PART'S TRICKY.
SEE, SOME PEOPLE USE FILTERS JUST ONCE.
UM, I'M SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET TO GO TO SPACE CAMP
BUT I'M HOPING THAT MAYBE, SOMEHOW
THIS MAY HELP MAKE UP FOR IT, OKAY?
PRESENTING, SARAH TUTTLE'S PRIVATE, VERY SPECIAL
SPACE CAMP!
REALLY, MR. GELLER, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.
OH, COME ON.
HERE WE GO.
STAND BY FOR MISSION COUNTDOWN.
TEN… TEN
NINE… NINE
EIGHT… EIGHT… EIGHT…
COME ON.
OKAY, BLAST OFF!
I'M AN ALIEN. I'M AN ALIEN.
OH, NO, AN ASTEROID!
OH, SORRY.