WOW. THIS GIRL'S GOOD.
OH, YEAH, A SONG WITH RHYMING WORDS…
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE.
I LIKE HER.
WHY, 'CAUSE SHE CAN SING AND PLAY GUITAR
AND DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME?
WELL, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL I'M LOOKING FOR
FROM THESE PEOPLE.
LOOK AT YOU, ALL JEALOUS.
YEAH, PHEEBS, COME ON
YOU TWO HAVE
26 YOU KNOW, SHE'S MORE…
YOU KNOW, AND…
YOU'RE MORE…
YEAH.
SEE? SEE? EVERYBODY ELSE IS HAPPY SHE'S DONE.
OKAY, MY NEXT SONG IS CALLED
"PHOEBE BUFFAY, WHAT CAN I SAY?
"I REALLY LOVED "WHEN WE WERE SINGING PARTNERS
AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT YOU THAT WAY."
OH, NO. ONE OF THOSE "LOOK FOR THE HIDDEN MEANING" SONGS.
HEY, PHOEBE.
HEY, LESLIE.
HOW'D YOU KNOW I'D BE HERE?
I RAN INTO VLAD AT THE PLACE WHERE THEY SELL THE BIG FISH.
HE SAID YOU PLAYED HERE A LOT, SO, UM…
LISTEN, I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
BUT IF "THE PLACE WITH THE BIG FISH" COMES UP AGAIN,
I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHETHER THAT'S SEVERAL BIG FISH
OR JUST ONE BIG FISH.
SO, PHOEBE TELLS US YOU WRITE JINGLES.
ACTUALLY, I SAID SHE ABANDONED ME
TO WRITE JINGLES.
UH, ANYTHING
WE MIGHT HAVE HEARD OF?
UH, YEAH, UM…
YEAH, BUT I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.
I GOT KIND OF SICK OF IT
AND THEN I COULDN'T COME UP WITH ANYTHING GOOD
SO THEY FIRED ME.
BUMMER.
WELL, UH, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST…
UM, I WAS JUST THINKING
AND JUST HOPING THAT…
MAYBE YOU'D WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER.
NO, BUT THANKS.
COME ON, PHOEBE, WOULD YOU JUST THINK ABOUT IT?
OKAY.
NO, BUT THANKS.
OKAY.
UH…
SEE YOU, PHEEBS.
WOW. THAT WAS KIND OF BRUTAL.
WELL, OKAY, LET THIS BE A LESSON TO ALL OF YOU.
ALL RIGHT? ONCE YOU… ONCE YOU BETRAY ME
I BECOME LIKE THE ICEWOMAN.
YOU KNOW, I'M JUST… VERY COLD, HARD… UNYIELDING.
YOU KNOW, NOTHING…
NOTHING CAN PENETRATE THIS ICY EXTERIOR.
CAN I HAVE A TISSUE, PLEASE?
OH, YES.
THANK YOU.
SOMEONE IN THERE?
NO, THIS IS JUST PART OF A DAREDEVIL GAME THAT I PLAY
CALL "WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MOMENT
BEFORE I BURST AND DIE."
GEEZ, MAN, DID YOU FALL…?
HI.
SO, UH, DID YOU?
DID YOU FALL HI?
SOMEONE WAS IN THE LADIES' ROOM; I COULDN'T WAIT.
I LEFT THE LID UP FOR YOU, THOUGH.
YOU KNOW WHAT, GUNTHER?
GO, UH, GO AHEAD.
I'M TALKING TO, UH…
THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU SAY YOUR NAME.
GINGER. GINGER.
I'M TALKING TO GINGER. SO…
DON'T YOU HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM?
NO. NO.
I JUST, UH… I'D RATHER, UH, TALK TO YOU.
YES, I DO.
YES, I DO HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
SOMEONE IN HERE.
WHERE'S CHANDLER?
HE CAN'T MAKE IT.
HE HAD TO GO BACK TO HIS JOB
AND DO, UH…
WHOA-OH.
JOEY?
JOEY TRIBBIANI.
JOEY, I CAN SEE YOU, OKAY?
YOU'RE HIDING BEHIND THE COATS.
OH…
CLOSE ONE.
HI.
HI, SWEETIE.
HELLO.
HEY, ROSS.
YUH-HUH.
I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS.
WHAT? I CAN GET A QUICK BITE TO EAT
BUT THEN I'M GOING TO HAVE TO COME BACK UP HERE. COME ON, SWEETIE.
YOU'VE HAD TO WORK LATE EVERY NIGHT
FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS.
WHAT IS IT THIS TIME?
ACTUALLY, IT'S MY FAULT.
I QUIT TODAY.
BUT WORK COMES FIRST.
OH, HEY, BUT THAT'S SAD ABOUT YOU, THOUGH.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED? BURN OUT?
BURN ALL OUT, DID YOU?
NO, HE'S LEAVING FOR A BETTER JOB.
OH, WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
SO I GUESS THIS IS GOOD-BYE THEN.
GOOD-BYE.
OKAY THEN. OKAY.
WELL, WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU AROUND HERE.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
SO, I'LL SEE YOU ON SATURDAY.
YEAH, YOU BET.
UCCH.
NOW, YOU KNOW THOSE ARE A DELICACY IN INDIA.
YEAH, THAT WAS LESLIE CALLING AGAIN
TO SEE IF WE CAN GET BACK TOGETHER.
IT'S LIKE THE 20th TIME TODAY.
GOOD LUCK, LESLIE.
WOW. SHE MUST HAVE HURT YOU PRETTY BAD, HUH?
WELL, YEAH.
WE WERE BEST FRIENDS.
EVER SINCE WE WERE LITTLE
OUR MOMS WORKED ON THE BARGE TOGETHER.
OH.
YOU TWO MUST'VE BEEN SO CUTE
RUNNING AROUND ON A BARGE.
YOU NEVER RUN ON A BARGE.
HEY.
IS, UH, IS CHANDLER AROUND?
NO. HE MET SOME GIRL AT THE COFFEEHOUSE.
OOH.
YEAH. GINGER SOMETHING.
NO.
NO, NO.
ARE YOU SURE IT WASN'T SOMETHING THAT SOUNDED LIKE GINGER?
LIKE, UH, GINGEER?
NO, IT WAS GINGER.
I REMEMBER BECAUSE WHEN HE TOLD ME, I SAID…
AW, MAN.
THAT'S THE GIRL I WAS HIDING FROM.
WHEN SHE FINDS OUT HE'S MY ROOMMATE
SHE'S GOING TO TELL HIM WHAT I DID.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
OH, OH, NO, NO, I CAN'T… I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT.
IT'S LIKE THE MOST AWFUL, HORRIBLE THING
I'VE EVER DONE IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T TELL US.
WE'LL JUST WAIT TILL CHANDLER GETS HOME
BECAUSE IT'LL BE MORE FUN THAT WAY.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, IT WAS LIKE FOUR YEARS AGO.
GINGER AND I HAD GONE OUT A FEW TIMES.
AND THEN THIS ONE WEEKEND
WE WENT UP TO HER DAD'S CABIN…
JUST ME, HER, AND HER ANNOYING LITTLE DOG, PEPPER.
WELL, THAT NIGHT I COOKED THIS REALLY ROMANTIC DINNER…
YOU GAVE HER FOOD POISONING!
I WISH.
AFTER DINNER, ME, HER, AND PEPPER ALL FELL ASLEEP
IN FRONT OF THE FIRE.
WELL, I WOKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
AND I SAW THAT THE FIRE WAS DYING OUT
SO I PICKED UP A LOG AND THREW IT ON.
OR AT LEAST WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A LOG.
OH, MY GOD, YOU THREW PEPPER ON THE FIRE.
I WISH.
SEE, I GUESS ANOTHER THING
I PROBABLY SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT GINGER
IS THAT SHE KIND OF HAS A, UH…
ARTIFICIAL LEG.
OH, MY GOD.
JOEY, WHAT DID YOU DO
AFTER YOU THREW HER LEG ON THE FIRE?
I RAN!
WELL, THAT'S THE BEST KISS I'VE HAD
WITH ANYBODY I MET IN THE MEN'S ROOM.
ACTUALLY, ME, TOO.
OH. FOOT IN THE PUDDLE.
FOOT ALL IN THE PUDDLE.
OH, DAMN. I HATE THAT.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET YOU OUT OF THOSE SHOES.
OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
NO, REALLY, YOU'RE GOING TO FREEZE.
NO, I'M NOT. I'M…
YOU'RE NOT? WHAT DO YOU…?
WHAT DO YOU GOT, A BIONIC FOOT?
SOMEDAY MAYBE.
FUNNY BOOK?
HMM? OH, NO, NO.
I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING FUNNY I HEARD TODAY…
UM, MARK… MARK SAYING, "I'LL SEE YOU SATURDAY."
YEAH, AT THE LECTURE.
I TOLD YOU THAT LAST WEEK.
YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T MIND.
OH, NO, NO, IT'S NOT THE LECTURE I MIND.
UM… PLEASE TELL ME IT'S NOT 'CAUSE I'M GOING WITH MARK.
WELL… OH, MY GOD! ROSS!
WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT…
LOOK, IF YOU'RE NOT WORKING WITH HIM ANYMORE
WHY DO YOU STILL HAVE TO DO STUFF WITH HIM?
BECAUSE HE'S MY FRIEND.
OKAY, BUT DO YOU REALLY NEED ANOTHER FRIEND?
OKAY, WELL
IF I STOP PLAYING WITH JOEY AND CHANDLER
CAN I PLAY WITH MARK?
IS THAT FUNNY? AM I SUPPOSED TO BE LAUGHING?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU THOUGHT "SEE YOU SATURDAY" WAS FUNNY.
HONEY, MARK IS IN FASHION. I LIKE HAVING A FRIEND
THAT I CAN SHARE THIS STUFF WITH.
YOU GUYS WOULD NEVER WANT TO GO TO A LECTURE WITH ME.
PAAH!
I WOULD LOVE TO GO WITH YOU. REALLY?
YEAH. HEY, I HAVE CLOTHES.
I EVEN PICK THEM OUT.
I MEAN, FOR ALL YOU KNOW, I COULD BE A FASHION…
MONGER.
OKAY, HONEY, I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO GO WITH ME.
WHAT?
WHAT SHOULD I WEAR? NOW I'M ALL NERVOUS.
OH.
YOU KNOW, THEY SAY A WATCHED POT NEVER BEEPS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A COUPLE OF HOURS, AND…
SHE HASN'T CALLED.
NOT THAT I EVEN CARE.
I DON'T.
PHOEBE, WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL HER?
YOU OBVIOUSLY WANT TO.
YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME SO WELL.
DON'T YOU WANT TO?
YEAH.
OKAY, SO I DO KNOW YOU.
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
WELL, SO?
I CAN'T.
SHE DUMPED ME.
I TOTALLY TRUSTED HER
AND THEN ONE DAY, IT WAS LIKE, "BYE, PHEEBS." GONE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE SADDEST PART IS?
WHEN WE WERE PLAYING TOGETHER
THAT WAS LIKE THE MOST FUN I'VE EVER HAD
IN, LIKE, ALL MY LIVES.
WE'RE BEGINNING TO SEE
A LOT OF LAYERING OF SHEER FABRICS AND COLORS.
FOR INSTANCE, A SHEER NAVY BLOUSE
OVER A PINK BODYSUIT…
I'M REALLY GLAD WE CAME.
…THE WISPY CHIFFONS AND DELICATE MESHES
WE'RE SEEING ON THE RUNWAYS ARE TOTALLY SHEER…
YOU'RE SO PRETTY.
…AND THE DESIGNERS ARE USING HEAVIER JERSEYS
OR PROVIDING SLIPS…
I LOVE YOU.
OH.
WE'RE ALSO TAKING THESE GARMENTS…
WOW, THAT'S GREAT! OH, YEAH?
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD TOTALLY SELL THIS!
IT WOULD BE PERFECT FOR, LIKE, UM…
A KITTY LITTER CAMPAIGN.
A JINGLE? NO. NO, NO, NO. NO.
WHY NOT? YOU MAKE A TON OF MONEY.
WELL, IF I WAS IN THIS FOR MONEY
I WOULD BE A MILLIONAIRE BY NOW.
OH.
YOU JUST GOT TO GET OUT OF THAT JINGLE HEAD, SWEETIE.
AH. YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT! I'M SORRY.
THAT'S OKAY.
ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING TO PLAY A SONG NOW
THAT'S REALLY, REALLY SAD, OKAY?
IT'S CALLED "MAGICIAN BOX MIX-UP."
…OVERSIZED BRACELETS, OVERSIZED EARRINGS
OVERSIZING OF ACCESSORIES IN GENERAL
IS VERY POPULAR NOW.
…GARMENTS WITH A FAR EASTERN INFLUENCE
ARE REALLY BREAKING OUT THIS YEAR.
HI.
CAN I BORROW THIS?
MY MILK'S GONE BAD.
OH. I HATE THAT.
I ONCE HAD A THING OF HALF AND HALF…
STOLE MY CAR.
SO, UM… HOW WAS YOUR DATE WITH GINGER?
GREAT. IT WAS GREAT.
SHE'S, UH…
SHE'S GREAT… GREAT-LOOKING, GREAT PERSONALITY.
SHE'S GREATNESS.
MM.
SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S GOT THE, UH…
WHOLE PACKAGE.
JOEY TOLD YOU ABOUT THE LEG, HUH?
UH-HUH.
OH, GOD.
IT FREAKED ME OUT, OKAY?
I KNOW IT SHOULDN'T HAVE, BUT IT DID.
I MEAN, I LIKE HER. I DON'T WANT TO STOP SEEING HER
BUT EVERY SO OFTEN, IT'S LIKE
"HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? WHERE'S YOUR LEG?"
I MEAN, I'M THE SMALLEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, AREN'T I?
I'M THE SMALLEST PERSON IN THE WORLD.
'MORNING.
ACTUALLY, HE'S THE SMALLEST PERSON
IN THE WORLD.
HEARD ABOUT THE LEG BURNING, HUH?
IT CAME UP.
LISTEN, I, UH… I KNOW IT'S A LONG SHOT BUT…
BY ANY CHANCE, DID SHE FIND THAT FUNNY?
SO I NODDED OFF A LITTLE.
NODDED OFF?
ROSS, YOU WERE SNORING!
MY FATHER'S BOAT DIDN'T MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE
WHEN IT HIT ROCKS!
BUT, COME ON 45 MINUTES!
45 MINUTES THE MAN TALKED ABOUT STRAPPY-BACKED DRESSES.
WELL, OKAY, HOW ABOUT FOUR HOURS
IN A FREEZING MUSEUM AUDITORIUM
LISTENING TO PROFESSOR PIT STAINS
AND HIS, "HEY, EVERYBODY!
"REMEMBER THAT THING THAT'S BEEN DEAD FOR A GAZILLION YEARS?
WELL, HERE'S A LITTLE BONE WE DIDN'T KNOW IT HAD!"
FIRST OF ALL, IT'S PROFESSOR PITAIN.
AND SECOND OF ALL, THAT LITTLE BONE PROVED
THAT THAT PARTICULAR DINOSAUR HAD WINGS BUT DIDN'T FLY.
OKAY, SEE, NOW,
BLAH-BLAH-BLAH, BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH
BLAH-BLAH, BLAH-BLAH.
HUH. YOU KNOW WHAT?
A HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE WENT TO SEE A MOVIE
ABOUT WHAT I DO.
I WONDER HOW MANY PEOPLE
WOULD GO SEE A MOVIE CALLED JURASSIC PARKA.
OH…
THAT IS SO…!
NO, NO, NO… A BUNCH OF OUT-OF-CONTROL JACKETS
TAKE OVER AN ISLAND!
YOU KNOW, IF WHAT I DO IS SO LAME
THEN WHY DID YOU INSIST ON COMING WITH ME THIS MORNING?
HUH? WAS IT SO I JUST WOULDN'T GO WITH MARK?
NO.
I… I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU.
I DON'T KNOW. I FEEL LIKE LATELY…
I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE SLIPPING AWAY FROM ME
YOU KNOW, WITH THIS NEW JOB AND ALL THESE NEW PEOPLE
AND YOU'VE GOT THIS WHOLE OTHER LIFE GOING ON.
I KNOW IT'S DUMB
BUT I… I JUST HATE THAT I'M NOT A PART OF IT.
IT'S NOT DUMB.
BUT MAYBE IT'S OKAY THAT YOU'RE NOT A PART OF IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE
I LIKE THAT YOU'RE NOT INVOLVED
IN THAT PART OF MY LIFE.
THAT'S A LITTLE CLEARER.
NO, BUT HONEY, SEE
IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU
BECAUSE I DO.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
BUT MY WORK, IT'S FOR ME, YOU KNOW?
I'M OUT THERE ON MY OWN AND I'M DOING IT
AND IT'S SCARY
BUT I LOVE IT BECAUSE IT'S MINE.
BUT, I MEAN, IS THAT OKAY?
SURE, UH…
YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT MY LEG, AREN'T YOU?
NO.
NO, ACTUALLY, I FORGET.
WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THAT AGAIN?
LOOK, IT'S OKAY IF IT BOTHERS YOU.
REALLY. I MEAN, THE ONLY THING I NEED TO KNOW
IS HOW MUCH IT BOTHERS YOU
BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE WASTING MY TIME.
AM I WASTING MY TIME?
NO.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
OKAY.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST LIKE
YOU JUST HAVE TO GET USED TO IT.
MM. MM.
WHAT'S THAT?
THAT'S… THAT'S MY NUBBIN.
WHAT'S A NUBBIN?
IT'S KIND OF A UH…
A THIRD NIPPLE KIND OF THING.
DO YOU HAVE THREE NIPPLES?
WELL, YOU KNOW, TWO REGULARS
AND ONE THAT BARELY QUALIFIES AS A…
UH, WHAT? NOTHING.
I… I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE TO LEAVE.
YOU, UH…
YOU HAVE TO LEAVE NOW? HOW COME?
UH, WELL, IT'S NUBBIN… NOTHING!
UM…
NO, I'M…
I'LL SEE YOU LATER, OKAY?
EEW!
OH, I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T COMING.
WHERE WERE YOU?
COME HERE, COME HERE.
OKAY.
DON'T GET MAD, OKAY?
DON'T GIVE ME A REASON TO GET MAD, OKAY?
I PLAYED "SMELLY CAT"
FOR THE PEOPLE AT MY OLD AD AGENCY.
THEY WENT NUTS.
NO… LOOK, I TOLD YOU
THAT I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO TRY AND SELL IT
AND YOU JUST…
YOU BIG, FAT DID IT ANYWAY.
UH…
GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK FIVE YEARS AGO
I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING TO PLAY WITH YOU
BUT I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF
AND IF I CAN'T TRUST YOU, THEN JUST FORGET IT.
NO, NO. I DON'T WANT TO FORGET IT.
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.
IF THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THE PLANET TO YOU
IS THIS CAT POOPY THING
THEN, OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE "SMELLY CAT"
BUT WE WON'T BE PARTNERS.
OH.
SO WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE?
I'M SORRY, PHEEBS.
YEAH. YOU OKAY?
YEAH. I ACTUALLY AM, YEAH.
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, LIFE'S GOING TO HAND YOU
ALL KINDS OF STUFF, AND YOU LEARN YOUR LITTLE LESSONS
AND HOPEFULLY, YOU GROW.
YEAH.
YOU WANT TO HEAR A NEW SONG?
YEAH. I'D LOVE TO.
OKAY.
THAT'S ALL I HAVE SO FAR.
WOO WOO WOO WOO!
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
THE DOCTOR.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
OH, YES.
JUST HAD ME A LITTLE NUBBINECTOMY.
YUP.
TWO NIPPLES, NO WAITING.
WOW. JUST LIKE RACHEL IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WHAT?
COME ON! I WAS KIDDING.
IT WAS SUCH AN OBVIOUS JOKE.
THAT WAS AN OBVIOUS JOKE
AND I DIDN'T THINK OF IT.
WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF IT?
THE SOURCE OF ALL MY POWERS.
OH, DEAR GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?