WELL, I THINK WE ALL LEARNED SOMETHING.
HEY, YOU GUYS, LOOK WHAT I FOUND.
LOOK AT THIS… THAT'S MY MOM'S WRITING.
LOOK.
"ME AND FRANK AND PHOEBE, GRADUATION, 1965."
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY 50?
NO, NO. THAT'S NOT ME PHOEBE.
THAT'S HER PAL PHOEBE.
ACCORDING TO HER HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK
THEY WERE, LIKE, B.F.F.
"BEST FRIENDS FOREVER."
OH. OH.
THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S SO COOL.
I KNOW. SO THIS WOMAN
PROBABLY HAS ALL KINDS OF STORIES ABOUT MY PARENTS
AND SHE MIGHT EVEN KNOW WHERE MY DAD IS.
SO I LOOKED HER UP.
SHE LIVES BY THE BEACH.
THIS WEEKEND, WE COULD GO TO THE BEACH.
WE CAN, YEAH.
SHOOT, I CAN'T GO… I HAVE TO WORK.
THAT'S TOO BAD.
AWW, BIG FAT BUMMER.
SO, GREAT. OKAY.
TOMORROW WE'LL DRIVE OUT TO MONTAUK.
HEY, BONNIE HAD SEX THERE.
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?
I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND A BOYFRIEND AGAIN.
I'LL DIE AN OLD MAID.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DIE AN OLD MAID.
MAYBE AN OLD… SPINSTER COOK.
THANKS.
BESIDES, WORSE COMES TO WORST
I'LL BE YOUR BOYFRIEND.
YEAH, RIGHT.
WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY?
YOU MADE A JOKE, RIGHT?
SO I LAUGHED.
A LITTLE TOO HARD.
WHAT AM I, NOT, UH, BOYFRIEND MATERIAL?
NO. YOU'RE CHANDLER.
YOU KNOW… CHANDLER.
OKAY, SO WE'VE ESTABLISHED MY NAME AND HIT ME.
BUT THEORETICALLY, SAY, WE WEREN'T FRIENDS.
SAY, IT'S A BLIND DATE, I SHOW UP AT YOUR DOOR
AND I'M, LIKE, UH
"HEY, NICE TO MEET YOU. HEY…"
I'D PROBABLY BE SCARED OF THE GUY
USING A FAKE VOICE.
HEY.
HEY. OH, GOOD. YOU BOUGHT FOOD.
NO. JUST MY LUGGAGE.
HEY. HI.
HEY, GUYS.
WHOO!
ALL RIGHT. YES.
I AM HAVING THE BEST KARMA THIS WEEK.
FIRST, I FIND THIS WOMAN WHO KNEW MY PARENTS
AND THEN MY CLIENT WITH THE FUZZY BACK
GIVES ME HIS BEACH HOUSE.
UH-HUH. WHAT ABOUT THAT BIKE MESSENGER YOU HIT?
OH, I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT HIS KARMA.
HEY.
HEY, CHECK OUT THE HAT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I KNOW THAT HAT.
I WAS TAKEN ABOARD THAT HAT.
THEY DID EXPERIMENTS ON ME.
I CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN!
SERIOUSLY, WHERE DID YOU GET THE HAT?
ROSS GAVE IT TO ME.
I THINK SHE LOOKS GOOD.
OH, THANK YOU.
HE BUY IT FOR YOU OR…
OR WIN IT FOR YOU?
WELL, EXCUSE ME, MY FASHION-IMPAIRED FRIENDS.
I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT HATS WERE BACK.
AND THIS TIME THEY'VE GANGED UP
AND FORMED ONE GIANT SUPERHAT.
GO, GO, GO!
NOW EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE UNDER THE HAT.
WHOA.
OY.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS SAND?
OH, YEAH, BOB SAID THERE MIGHT BE FLOOD DAMAGE.
EITHER THAT OR HE HAS A REALLY BIG CAT.
WELL, YES, IT'S KIND OF AN USUAL HOUSE.
IT HAS, UM, THREE BEAUTIFUL BEDROOMS AND, UH, NO BATHS.
BUT, YOU KNOW, THE OCEAN IS RIGHT THERE.
IT'S, IT… WELL…
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
OH. HANG ON A SECOND.
COME IN, COME IN.
ALL RIGHT, THINK ABOUT IT AND CALL ME BACK.
ARE YOU, UH, PHOEBE ABBOTT?
UH, YES.
SURPRISE, PHOEBE ABBOTT.
I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND'S DAUGHTER.
YOU'RE IRWIN'S DAUGHTER?
SORRY. NO.
I-I'M YOUR OLD BEST FRIEND…
HERE. LILY?
FROM HIGH SCHOOL? REMEMBER?
OH, GOD. LILY.
YES, OF COURSE I REMEMBER LILY.
I…
THEN YOU MUST BE…
PHOEBE, PHOEBE.
PHOEBE. YEAH.
SHE NAMED ME AFTER YOU, I GUESS.
UH-HUH.
WOW. WELL, LOOK, THERE'S FRANK.
YEAH.
YES! YES! YES!
THAT'S MY DAD.
THAT'S FRANK, YEAH.
I'M SORRY. I'M GETTING ALL FLINGY.
TAKE IT EASY.
IF YOU WANT, THERE'S COOKIES ON THE COUNTER.
OR SANGRIA. I COULD MAKE SANGRIA.
NO, NO.
COOKIES ARE GOOD.
THANKS.
OH, UM…
ANYWAY, UM, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR MY FATHER
AND, UM…
HAVE YOU HEARD FROM HIM OR SEEN HIM?
OH, NO. I'M SORRY.
I… I GUESS I LOST TRACK OF EVERYBODY AFTER HIGH SCHOOL.
OH.
OKAY.
WELL, SO, TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT MY PARENTS. EVERYTHING.
OH, WELL, WE WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER.
IN FACT, THE OTHER KIDS
HAD A NICKNAME FOR THE THREE OF US.
OH, WHAT? WHAT WAS IT?
"THE THREE LOSERS."
OH, POOR LILY.
OH…
YOU KNOW, I HEARD ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN JUST TERRIBLE FOR YOU
LOSING YOUR MOTHER THAT WAY.
YEAH, NO.
IT WAS GREAT.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT A REALLY GOOD RAINY DAY GAME IS?
WHAT?
I MEAN NAKED GAME?
STRIP POKER.
WE SHOULD TOTALLY PLAY STRIP POKER.
NO.
ARE YOU CRAZY? NO WAY.
WHEN YOU GO AWAY, YOU HAVE TO PLAY.
IT'S, LIKE, A LAW.
ALL DONE.
OH, THANK YOU.
OKAY, WHO'S NEXT?
NO.
NO WAY.
COME ON, PLEASE.
I'M BORED.
YOU LET ME DO IT ONCE BEFORE.
YEAH, WELL, IF, UH, IF THAT'S THE RULE THIS WEEKEND.
GET AWAY. TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.
NO! NO!
OH, COME ON.
BIG BULLIES!
OW! OW!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO…
OW!
HEY.
SO, HOW ARE WE DOING?
BORED AND BORED.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT NAKED CARD GAME'S NEVER BORING?
NO!
SO, WHAT'S PHOEBE LIKE?
I'M KIND, CARING AND SWEET.
WHAT'S MONICA LIKE?
NO, THE OTHER PHOEBE…
THE ONE YOU WENT TO GO SEE.
OH. I THINK SHE KNOWS WHERE MY DAD IS.
REALLY? COOL.
WHERE IS HE?
SHE WAS PRETENDING LIKE
SHE HASN'T HEARD FROM HIM IN YEARS
BUT I FOUND THIS PICTURE ON HER FRIDGE.
AND LOOK, ISN'T THIS
WHAT HE WOULD LOOK LIKE NOW?
TOTALLY FAMILIAR.
OH, YEAH.
AH, YEAH.
YEAH.
WHY WOULD SHE LIE TO YOU?
I DON'T KNOW, BUT WE'RE HAVING DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT
SO I FIGURED SHE'LL TELL ME THEN.
MAYBE SHE JUST WANTED TO GIVE HIM TIME TO… BUY ME PRESENTS.
OH…
SO, YOU'RE ALL BORED?
I'M GOING TO CLOSE MY EYES
AND POINT TO SOMEONE, AND WHOEVER I POINT TO
HAS TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING FUN FOR US TO DO
AND WE HAVE TO DO IT.
OKAY. FAN OUT. FAN OUT.
OKAY.
OOH, YOU KNOW, WE COULD JUST DO THIS.
OKAY, UM…
WE ALL HAVE TO PLAY STRIP POKER.
AAH, YES!
STRIP "HAPPY DAYS" GAME?
YEAH. WELL, I COULDN'T FIND ANY CARDS.
SO, IT WAS EITHER THIS
OR STRIP BAG OF OLD KNITTING STUFF.
OKAY…
"FONZIE GIVES YOU TWO THUMBS UP.
COLLECT TWO COOL POINTS."
YEAH. YEAH.
MONICA, YOU GET
FIVE COOL POINTS
YOU GET TO MAKE SOMEONE
TAKE OFF ONE ITEM OF CLOTHING.
IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET
BUT WE'RE ALL VERY EXCITED.
OKAY, COME ON.
DADDY NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF ELECTROMAGNETIC MICROSCOPES
FOR THE PREHISTORIC FORENSICS DEPARTMENT.
OKAY. "TAKE PINKY TUSCADERO UP TO INSPIRATION POINT.
COLLECT THREE COOL POINTS."
YEAH! WHICH GIVES ME FIVE
AND LET'S SEE WHO IS GOING TO LOSE THEIR CLOTHES.
UM…
I THINK I PICK OUR STRIP POKER SPONSOR
MR. JOEY TRIBBIANI.
WHOO-HOO!
ALL RIGHT, RELAX.
IT'S JUST A SHOE.
OKAY, "YOUR BAND IS PLAYING AT ARNOLD'S.
COLLECT THREE COOL POINTS."
WHICH MEANS I HAVE FIVE
AND THAT MEANS I GET JOEY'S BOXERS.
FINE. GANG UP ON ME.
I GOT YOU ALL RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU.
COME ON, TAKE THEM OFF.
ACTUALLY, IT'S KIND OF COLD
SO HOW ABOUT I KEEP MY BOXERS ON
AND GIVE YOU ALL A PEEK AT THE GOOD STUFF?
ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO MAKE MORE MARGARITAS.
WHOA, HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
TRYING TO GET ME DRUNK?
I'M JUST MAKING MARGARITAS.
I THINK I'LL HELP HER OUT.
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
WHAT?
YOU PAINTING HIS TOENAILS…
OH, COME ON.
CHASING HIM AROUND THE ROOM…
MONICA, PLEASE.
HE'S TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH YOU, TOO.
HE IS, ISN'T HE?
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, MAYBE IT'S JUST BEING HERE
AT THE BEACH TOGETHER OR…
I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S LIKE SOMETHING…
HEY. HI.
HI, BONNIE.
HI.
MY BOSS LET ME OFF EARLY SO I TOOK THE TRAIN.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
WE'RE PLAYING STRIP "HAPPY DAYS" GAME.
COOL. I'LL CATCH UP.
SO, YOU STILL DON'T THINK I'M… BOYFRIEND MATERIAL?
HUH?
SAW YOU CHECKING ME OUT DURING THE GAME LAST NIGHT.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS.
YEAH, WELL, LUCKY FOR YOU.
WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, IS EVERYBODY ELSE HAVING JUST THE BEST TIME?
SHH. SHH.
JOEY'S ASLEEP.
AFTER HE PASSED OUT
WE PUT THE SAND AROUND HIM TO KEEP HIM WARM.
WELL, I ASSUME THE HAPPY COUPLE ISN'T UP YET.
DID YOU GUYS HEAR THEM LAST NIGHT?
OH, YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING
BUT AT ONE POINT, SEA TURTLES ACTUALLY CAME UP
TO THE HOUSE.
MORNING.
HEY. HOW DID EVERYBODY SLEEP?
OH, GREAT. LIKE A LOG.
US, TOO.
I'M GOING FOR A WALK.
GOOD MORNING.
NICE BREASTS, BY THE WAY.
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
OH, UH, NOTHING.
I JUST FELT LIKE HANGING OUT HERE AND READING.
THE WATER WAS SO GREAT.
WE JUMPED OFF THIS PIER AND MY SUIT CAME OFF.
OH…
SORRY I MISSED THAT.
YEAH. JOEY AND CHANDLER SURE ARE FUNNY.
OH.
I THINK I BROUGHT BACK HALF OF THE BEACH IN MY HAIR.
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I USED
TO SHAVE MY HEAD.
YOU KNOW… I GOT TO TELL YOU
I JUST LOVED YOUR LOOK WHEN YOU WERE BALD.
REALLY? OH!
BECAUSE I THINK ABOUT
SHAVING IT ALL OFF AGAIN SOMETIMES.
REALLY?
YEAH.
I MEAN, YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD DO THAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I SHOULD DO IT.
YEAH!
THANK YOU, RACHEL.
YOU ARE SO COOL.
OH, STOP.
NOW GO SHAVE THAT HEAD.
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, PHEEBS?
SHE CANCELED.
MY NAMESAKE CANCELED ON ME.
SHE CLAIMS SHE HAD TO GO OUT OF TOWN SUDDENLY.
SHE'S AVOIDING ME.
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TELL ME WHERE MY FATHER IS.
SHE KNOWS AND SHE WON'T TELL ME.
AW, PHEEBS, THAT SUCKS.
YEAH, WELL, DON'T "AW, PHEEBS THAT SUCKS" ME YET.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
SHE'S OUT OF TOWN.
THERE MUST BE SOMETHING IN HER HOUSE
THAT TELLS ME WHERE MY FATHER IS.
UH, PHEEBS, SOME PEOPLE CALL THAT
BREAKING AND ENTERING.
WELL, ARE ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE HERE?
OH, NO. NO, NO.
LOOK, I'LL DO SOMETHING NICE, OKAY?
I'LL-I'LL…
FILL HER ICE TRAYS. GOOD.
HEY, EVERYBODY.
WOW!
WHA…?
LOOK WHAT YOU DID.
YOU WANT TO TOUCH IT?
NO.
BUT IT'S GREAT.
COME ON, TOUCH IT.
OKAY.
YOU COULD FEEL ALL THE BONES IN YOUR SKULL.
HI.
I WAS HAVING A LITTLE CHAT WITH BONNIE
AND GUESS WHAT?
SHE HAPPENED TO BRING UP, YOU KNOW, WHO WAS BEHIND
THE WHOLE, UM, HEAD SHAVING IDEA.
NOW, WHO WAS IT?
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
IT WAS YOU.
LOOK, THAT…
THAT WAS HER IDEA.
I JUST GAVE HER A NUDGE.
SHE SAID
YOU GAVE HER THE RAZOR.
HEY.
SO, ANYONE UP FOR A MIDNIGHT DIP IN THE OCEAN?
UH, I'M GOOD.
NO, THANKS.
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT.
OKAY, HAVE FUN. BYE!
COME ON, SEE?
SHE DOESN'T LOOK… THAT BAD.
YOU CAN SEE THE MOONLIGHT BOUNCING OFF HER HEAD.
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DON'T KNOW.
YOU BALDED MY GIRLFRIEND.
ALL RIGHT, ROSS!
DO YOU THINK IT'S EASY FOR ME TO SEE YOU WITH SOMEBODY ELSE?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ENDED IT, REMEMBER?
YEAH, BECAUSE I WAS MAD AT YOU
NOT BECAUSE I STOPPED LOVING YOU!
YOU STILL LOVE ME?
NO.
YOU STILL LOVE ME.
OH. YEAH?
SO?
YOU LOVE ME.
NO.
N…
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
WHAT ARE YOU…?
I MEAN, DO YOU WANT TO…
GET BACK TOGETHER?
NO.
MAYBE.
I DON'T… I DON'T KNOW.
ROSS…
I STILL CAN'T FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID.
I… BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I'M WITH YOU
I JUST… I FEEL…
WHAT? WHAT?
I JUST… I FEEL…
I JUST…
WHAT?
I FEEL…
NO.
I DON'T CARE.
I'M NOT PLAYING ONE-ON-ONE STRIP POKER WITH YOU
FOR PRACTICE.
BUT I MADE CARDS.
WELL…
GOOD NIGHT.
I'M GOING UPSTAIRS.
GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
WANT TO PLAY STRIP POKER FOR PRACTICE?
OW! OH!
MY ASS.
OKAY.
OOH! SHH!
SHH.
NO! OH! IT'S ME! IT'S ME!
I DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE ANY NOISE!
THEN DON'T BREAK IN!
I'M SORRY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I… I… CAME TO FILL YOUR ICE CUBE TRAY.
WHAT?
UM…
OKAY.
OKAY, LOOK…
I TOOK THIS PICTURE FROM YOUR FRIDGE, OKAY?
BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THIS IS MY FATHER.
THIS IS FRANK BUFFAY
AND YOU ARE STANDING RIGHT THERE NEXT TO HIM.
LOOK, I DESERVE TO KNOW WHERE I CAME FROM, ALL RIGHT?
SO IF YOU CAN HELP ME FIND MY FATHER
THEN YOU SHOULD.
OTHERWISE, YOU'RE JUST… MEAN.
SO JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH.
ALL RIGHT, THE MAN IN THAT PICTURE
IS CHUCK MANGIONE.
MY FATHER IS CHUCK MANGIONE?
NO, NO. THAT'S JUST CHUCK MANGIONE.
I SOLD HIM A HOUSE LAST YEAR.
AND I'M VERY SORRY
BUT I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR FATHER IS.
AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.
OH.
BUT, UM, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I THINK THAT A PERSON SHOULD KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM.
WHICH IS WHY I, UH…
UH…
OKAY…
I'M YOUR MOTHER.
HEH?
SEE, YOU KNOW, I WANTED TO TELL YOU YESTERDAY
BUT I JUST… YOU KNOW, I FELT ALL FLOOPY.
I'M TELLING YOU
YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY GETTING BACK TOGETHER.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS.
SHE'S STILL MAD ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.
OKAY, WELL, THEN YOU GOT TO BACK AWAY, ALL RIGHT?
YOU DON'T NEED THAT KIND OF HURT.
TAKE IT FROM GUY WHO'S…
NEVER HAD A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP.
I KNOW, BUT…
I REALLY WANT TO GO UP THERE AND FINISH THAT KISS.
HEY.
YOU GUYS, THE WATER IS GREAT.
YOU SHOULD REALLY GO IN.
OH, UH, NO, THANKS.
I JUST HAD AN M & M.
OKAY.
WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
DON'T BE TOO LONG.
OKEY-DOKEY.
THERE IS NOT ONE HAIR ON THAT HEAD.
HEY, IT'LL GROW BACK, RIGHT?
AND SHE'S-SHE'S REALLY FUN AND SHE'S COOL
AND-AND I'M FINALLY MOVING ON, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, GETTING OVER RACHEL WAS SO… AH…
I'M FINALLY FEELING SANE AGAIN.
AND NOW IF I GO UP THERE AND I KISS HER AND…
GOD, I WANT TO KISS HER.
AND-AND IT DOESN'T WORK OUT, RIGHT
DO I REALLY WANT TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THAT AGAIN?
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
IF YOU GO WITH BONNIE TONIGHT
YOU'RE DOING THE SMART, HEALTHY THING
AND MOVING ON, RIGHT?
AND IF YOU GO WITH RACHEL, BONNIE'S FREE TONIGHT?
HI.
HI THERE.
THAT'S THAT WEIRD VOICE AGAIN.
OKAY, OKAY. LET ME TRY IT AGAIN.
YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO DATE THIS NEXT GUY, I SWEAR.
OKAY, COME ON.
HI. I'M DORF…
YOUR DATE FOR THE EVENING.
OH, COME ON…
DORF ON DATING? THAT'S GOOD STUFF.