That was the 10th time I've peed since I've been here.
It's also, like, the 10th time you've told us. Ha, ha.
Yeah, oh, I'm sorry, it must be hard to hear.
I'll tell you, it's easier having babies playing...
"Bring in 'da Noise, Bring in 'da Funk" on your bladder.
I am so sick of being pregnant.
The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee...
which of course is decaf because, oh, I'm pregnant. Heh.
Pheebs, you want a cookie?
Thank you so much.
So, uh, Pheebs, honey, how are those mood swings coming?
I haven't really had any yet.
- Hey, guys. Hey.
All right. Here's the ring.
Yes, yes. A thousand times, yes.
So, uh, any ideas for the bachelor party?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Before you start handing out rings and planning bachelor parties...
don't you have to decide who your best man's gonna be?
Oh, it's awkward. It's awkward, it's awkward.
I sort of already asked Chandler.
What? He got to do it at your first wedding.
Joey, I figured you'd understand. I've known him a lot longer.
Come on, Ross. I don't have any brothers. I'm never gonna get to be a best man.
You can be the best man when I get married.
I'm never gonna get to be a best man.
Wait, wait.
So you get to be my best man twice, and I don't get to be yours at all?
Oh, no. Yeah, of course, you can be my best man.
What about me? You just said I could.
I'm not even getting married!
Okay, this is a question for science-fiction writers.
I can't believe you're not picking me.
- Hey, how could it not be me? - I'm not even...
- All right, you know what? That's it.
From now on, Joey I want you to be my best man.
Yes. Shame about you, though.
- Stop it. - What?
One of the babies is kicking.
- I thought that was a good thing. - It's not kicking me.
It's kicking one of the other babies.
Oh. Don't make me come in there!
- Hey. Hey.
Do you guys have, like, a big bowl I can borrow?
Yeah, there's one right under the cabinet.
- Thanks. - Why do you need it?
Oh, we're having a party tomorrow night. Later.
Hey, hey. Are you planning on inviting us?
No. No, no. Later.
Hey, get your ass back here, Tribbiani!
Hormones.
What Phoebe meant was...
how come you're having a party and we're not invited?
Oh. It's Ross' bachelor party.
- So? - Are you bachelors?
- No. - Are you strippers?
- No. - Then you're not invited.
All right, fine. You're not invited to the party that we're gonna have either.
Oh, what party?
Well, um...
The baby shower for Phoebe.
Baby shower?
Wow. That so doesn't sound like something I want to do. Later.
I can't believe I'm going to have a party!
Ha, ha. That's so great. A party!
Yay! Ha, ha.
- I don't know why. - Oh.
This is what I got going for the party so far liquor-wise.
- Get a lot of liquor. - Great. Great.
Okay, now, uh, in terms of the invite list, obviously I got you, me and Chandler.
And I'm invite Gunther because, well, we've been talking pretty loud.
I'll be there.
Oh, listen. I know it's your party...
but I'd really like to limit the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.
Yeah. Tell you what. Let's not invite any anthropologists, okay?
Just the dinosaur dudes.
Okay, we'll need a six-pack of Zima.
Hey, guys, what are you doing?
Oh, just planning my bachelor party with my best man.
Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one.
I don't think it's gonna be that difficult, considering this one won't take place...
in the basement of a Pizza Hut. Heh.
Oh, I'm Ross, I'm Ross.
I'm too good for the Hut. I'm too good for the Hut.
Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Uh, everything so far sounds great, Joey.
Just remember, keep it on the mellow side, okay?
Just a couple guys hanging out playing poker.
- No strippers or anything, okay? - You got it.
- Okay, see you later. - Yeah.
Ha, ha. Have fun planning your mellow party.
There's gonna be strippers there.
He didn't say anything about no strippers.
- He just said, "No strippers." - Oh. I chose not to hear that.
Look what I got, look what I got, look what I got.
Oh.
Can you believe they made these for little people?
Aw. Little Village People.
Aw, okay. Look at this one. This is my favorite.
Oh, that is so sweet.
Phoebe's gonna love dressing them in these.
Huh. Except, uh, Phoebe's not gonna be the one who gets to dress them.
I guess she's not gonna get to keep the babies.
Oh, my God, we are throwing the most depressing baby shower.
Wait a minute. Unless we give her all gifts that she can use...
after she's done being pregnant. Like, um, regular coffee. Tequila.
Oh, and somebody can get her those leather pants she's always wanted.
Oh, she's gonna love that.
What the hell is this?
You actually thought it'd make me feel better?
To give me something I can't even use for another two months?
This sucks! Oh!
All right, what's my next present?
Hey, listen, man, about the stripper...
- Yeah? - Good call.
A little announcement. A little announcement.
I've decided that my best man is my best friend Gunther.
What's my last name?
Central Perk?
Thanks for not marrying Rachel.
Oh, hey, Gunther. Don't forget your shirt.
Hey. Hey, what are those?
Little party favors. Check it out.
Wow, yeah.
Oh, oh, oh!
Aw.
Okay, little announcement.
Just want everybody to know the position of my best man is still open.
And, uh, you know, so is the position of the bride.
Great.
Smooth, man. Yeah. You got some chili on your neck.
Well, I just want to say thanks, everyone. This was great.
Okay? And hey, I'll see you guys Monday morning.
- Thanks, Joey. - Oh, hey. Don't forget your shirt.
Oh, thanks.
Ahem. Okay. Hey, museum geeks. Party's over.
Okay, wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go.
Back to your parents' basement. All right.
Come on, boys, come on out. Here you go.
Oh. Look at the birdies.
- Are those yours? - Yeah.
Wow, I didn't know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets?
Oh, yeah, yeah. And I got the duck totally trained too.
Watch this. Stare at the wall.
Hardly move.
Be white.
You are really good at that.
- Oh. - So I had fun tonight.
You throw one hell of a party.
Thanks, thanks. Yeah, it was great meeting you.
And listen, if any of my friends ever get married or have a birthday or a Tuesday...
- Yeah, that'd be great. - Okay. Ha, ha.
So, I guess, um, good night.
Oh, unless you, uh... Unless you want to hang around.
- Yeah? - Yeah. I'll let you play with my duck.
Hey...
Stripper.
The stripper stole the ring!
Chandler, get up, get up! The stripper stole the ring!
- What? - The ring is gone!
Oh. Okay, just, like, give me a minute to wake up for this.
You lost the ring. You're the worst best man ever.
Dude, this isn't funny. What am I gonna do?
I go to sleep last night, everything's cool.
I wake up this morning, the stripper's gone, and the ring is gone!
- You slept with the stripper? - Of course!
Hi, guys.
Hi, Phoebe.
Ahem. I wanted to apologize if I, you know, seemed a tad edgy yesterday...
at my shower.
You know, it's just the hormones. You know?
- No, we... Hormones. Yeah. - Hormones.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you. It was just... It was so sweet.
- Oh, okay. So sweet.
Yeah. - Wow, you seem to be doing much better.
- That's great. How are things going? - Good.
No, but... Okay, it feels like everything's been about me lately.
So, what's happening with you?
Oh. Well, actually, we were just talking about me not going to Ross' wedding.
- Oh. - It just might be too hard...
given the history and all that.
Wow, this reminds me of the time when I was, um, living on the street.
And this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.
Well, how is this like that?
Well, let's see. It's not really like that.
Because, you see, that was an actual problem.
And, uh, yours is just, like, a bunch of high-school crap...
that nobody really gives... Yeah.
Well, I'm sorry. I just thought...
All right, here come the waterworks.
Oh. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I called the company that sent her, and they don't care.
And I called 911 and they yelled at me.
If this isn't an emergency, then what is?
- Hey, guys. Hey.
I just wanted to thank you for last night. What a great party.
And the guys from work had a blast.
You know, one of them had never been to a bachelor party before.
Yeah, and another one had never been to a party before, so...
So, uh, hey, that wedding ring, huh?
- Man, that is nice. - Yeah. Yeah, right?
Yeah, I was thinking I might pick one of those babies up for myself.
Where might one get one of those?
That ring, when my grandmother first came to this country...
that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her.
So you might say that the ring is irreplaceable.
Oh, absolutely. It's been in my family for generations.
And every bride who's worn it has lived a long and happy life.
So you might say it's a magic ring.
Yeah, the stripper stole it.
My ring? My wedding ring?
The stripper stole my wedding ring?
How? How could this happen?
Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey, Joey, why don't you be my best man."
All right, all right. Fine. I'm gonna call the cops.
Dude, I screwed up. You don't have to turn me in.
- Not on you, on the stripper. - Oh, yeah, well, I already did that.
They said they're gonna look into it right after they solve all the murders...
Okay, we'll call the company that sent her.
I did that too.
They wouldn't give me her name or number.
They said if I bother them again, they'd call the police.
I said, "You talk to the police, you tell them I'm missing a ring."
So, what, Joey? What are you telling me? That there's nothing we can do?
- How could this happen? - Look, Ross, I am so, so sorry.
Well, what if we just, uh, called her...
used a fake name and had her come to my office?
Oh, that sounds like fun, but we got a ring to find!
Here's your tea, Phoebe.
Mm. It's so good.
Oh, thanks. That's sweet.
- Good. - So glad you like it.
- Oh. What?
What? She made the tea.
No, I think I just had a contraction.
- You what? - My God.
Yeah, I thought I felt one a couple minutes ago.
- And now I know that definitely was one. - Well, you can't have the baby here!
I haven't sterilized the apartment since the guys moved out!
It's okay. We're gonna be okay.
You know what? It's okay. I'm gonna boil some water and just rip up some sheets.
Ow, it's all right. It's probably false labor.
They said that, that can happen near the end. So just...
- Somebody get the book. - Rachel, get the book.
The book. Okay. Okay. Here.
- The Bible? - I don't know!
All right. Okay, okay. This is great.
Uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk.
And when she comes in, hopefully she won't recognize you because...
Well, why would she?
Uh, okay. And then you buzz Ross and I.
You be Mr. Gonzales, and I'll be Mr. Wong.
Diverse.
Anybody call for security?
You be cool.
Okay. Which one of you guys is Gunther Central Perk?
Hey, Joey.
Where's my ring? My dead grandmother's wedding ring! Where is it? Where is it?
Way to be cool, man.
- What's he talking about? - Oh!
There was a ring in a box on my nightstand.
After you left, it was gone.
Wait, you guys think I stole some ring?
Yeah.
We know you took it! So just save yourself the time and confess.
Okay, Who are you, the Hardy Boys?
I don't need to steal some stupid ring.
I make $1,600 a week doing what I do.
Any of you guys make that?
Marry me.
I don't get it. It was in my room all night. If she didn't take it...
and I didn't take it and you didn't take it. Then who did?
Shh. We're trying to think.
I still don't get how you know when it's false labor.
Well, do you see any babies?
- How do you feel? - Okay, I guess. I mean...
I don't know.
I guess I know it's going to be over soon so...
But isn't that a good thing?
- I mean, you said you were sick of this. - I know.
It's just usually, when you're done with the pregnant thing...
then you get to do the mom thing.
I'm gonna be, you know, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking tequila.
Some moms do that.
Yeah, that's even sadder.
Look, I know what I got myself into, you know?
It's just that now that they're in me, it's like...
It's like I know them, you know, and...
It just not gonna be easy when, you know, these little babies have to go away.
Oh. I know, sweetie.
But it's not like you're not gonna have anything.
I mean, you're gonna have nieces and nephews.
In some ways, that's even better.
- Yeah, okay. - No, really.
Really, Pheebs.
I mean, you're not gonna be the one worrying about saving for college.
Or yelling at them when they're bad.
You know? Or deciding to put them on Ritalin...
when they just won't calm down.
You know?
You're gonna be the one they come to when they run away from home.
And the one they talk to about sex.
You just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe.
Cool Aunt Phoebe.
I am pretty cool.
Oh.
Yeah, and you know what else? Oh, my God, are they going to love you.
- They are going to love me. - Oh!
- Thanks, you guys. Again. Aw.
Oh, sweetie.
- Thanks. Oh! What? Oh, God.
Just kidding.
- Ah! - Oh, my God.
Got you again. You're so easy.
- If anything should happen to him... - Joey, the vet said it's a simple procedure.
So? Things can go wrong. You don't know. What if he doesn't make it?
- He will, Joe. - Yeah, but what if he doesn't?
He's such a good duck.
I'm so worried about him.
- Somebody lose a ring? - Aah!
Oh, my God. Thank you. Thank you so much. Aah!
How's the duck?
He's doing just fine. You'll see him in a bit.
- Oh. - Great.
Oh, hey, listen, Ross, thanks for being so cool about this.
- No, that's all right. - No, it's not.
I mean, you made me your best man and I totally let you down.
- Hey, come on. It's not your fault. - Yeah, it is.
You wouldn't have lost the ring, right?
You know what? Ross, you were right from the start.
- He should be your best man. - No, you should.
- Look, don't argue with me. - Hey, hey, hey.
I get to choose my best man.
I want both you guys.
Really?
Both you guys should be up there with me.
I mean, you two are my...
I mean, I'm lucky to have just one good...
Well, thanks, man.
I got to go check something, okay?
- What a baby. - Total wuss.